Why Did They Lose?/2013

Round 1
Crash: "This is the part where I kill you." Wheatley: "Hello! This is the part where you kill me!" Match 27: The Part Where He Kills Him Last match's winner: The Part Where He Kills Him - NewCastlEmperor
 * 1) Isaac and Tingle lost because ... It's impossible to link a single reason to their loss. - MoreDinosaurs
 * 2) Waluigi and Alan Wake lost because ... 4chan simply didn't have enough Waluigi time. - mcflubbin
 * 3) Solaire of Astora and Demi-Fiend lost because ... There simply wasn't enough jolly cooperation amongst the voters to defeat Yoshi. - Pirateking2000
 * 4) Captain Olimar and Kain lost because... Unfortunately for them, Shepard specializes when you're given three choices with the same outcome - KJH
 * 5) Tiny Tina and Juliet Starling lost because ... http://images.wikia.com/board8/images/a/a6/Whydidtheylose.jpg - homsar555
 * 6) Hero and Rinoa Heartilly lost because... They don't want a hero. They just want a martyr, a statue to raise. - homsar \ Because when doing the interviews for his marriage the Hero found out that Rinoa preferred to be on bottom while Aerith insisted on being on top. Being the nice guy he is, he fulfilled both their demands. - Sir Chris
 * 7) Jak and Chie Satonaka lost because... LOL - Kinglicious
 * 8) Yuri Lowell and Face McShooty lost because... Hadouken spam works pretty well against a dude with a sword and a guy who wants to be shot in the face. - Wanglicious
 * 9) Welkin Gunther and Jigglypuff lost because... X gave it to them - Bloodychess
 * 10) Fei Fong Wong and Dan Hibiki lost because... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apeV1E-srFQ - Sir Chris RUNNER-UPS Dan manages to be the one character worse in a fighting game than Sonic is in Brawl. - DarkX \ Dan and Fei lost their FATHEERRRRRRRS Sonic apparently didn't have one. - Shoenin_Kakashi
 * 11) Lucina and Caim lost because... Unfortunately, Rally Votes isn't a skill Lucina can learn. - GenesisTwilight
 * 12) Dunban and KOS-MOS lost because... Forget the whole racism thing, GameFAQs is just Xenophobic. - KamikazePotato
 * 13) Chester and Zero (999) lost because... July is just a bad month for Zero. If only it was June.. - GANON1025 \ Chester kept getting Zero vote updates - OrangeCrush980
 * 14) Chrom and Heavy lost because... Aren't votes beautiful? They're almost tragic. When a round ends, it gives off a final lingering aroma. Votes are but a farewell gift from the voter to contestants on their way to lose. I've been waiting for a long time. Waiting for Chrom's loss to me, my loss to Sub-Zero, and the finality of Link. - Anagram
 * 15) Garrus Vakarian and Frank West lost because... Can this match wait a bit? Garrus was in the middle of some calibrations. - scarletspeed7
 * 16) Meta Knight and Archer lost because... They lost because the match was in another castle. - ZeldaTPLink
 * 17) Midna and Little Mac lost because... Too little, too late. - Kinglicious
 * 18) Miles Edgeworth and Agent 47 lost because... Morrigan has a lot of experience with threeways. - Paratroopa1
 * 19) Clementine and Reyn lost because... It took 11 years, but the kiddies finally woke up. - Xeybozn RUNNER UP Spyro overheard a fight between Reyn and Clementine. Sadly, he misunderstood the concept of "flame war". - Whammychip
 * 20) Balthier Bunansa and Jade lost because... They got about 2401 votes between them, and L is simply more real than that. - Anagram
 * 21) Captain Viridian and Peacock lost because... This competition rewards complex characters, not two-dimensional ones. - Whammychip
 * 22) CATS and Locke Cole lost because... All your votes are a locke for Ness. - Anagram
 * 23) Poison and Thrall lost because... Thrall the poison in the world couldn't stop Elizabeth. - StartTheMachine
 * 24) Terra Branford and Peach lost because... It was a Terrafying Kirbstomp, to say the least. - DoctorJimmy133
 * 25) Wheatley and Tommy Vercetti lost because...
 * 1) Isaac and Commander Keen lost because... I hear it's amazing when the famous purple-clad Keen in Vortican space with the Gaia Blade does a raw Move Psynergy on Weyard Rock. I need scissors! 71%! - Polycosm
 * 2) Captain Falcon and Rydia lost because... Rydia misunderstood Falcon when he said "show me your moves." She showed him her boobs instead. This was all part of the plan. - StifledSilence
 * 3) 'N and Wander lost because... N stared longingly into Bayonetta's eyes; his gropius hands began to wander. "I'd like to take a pikachu," he whispered sweetly in her ear. "Let me set your Jigglypuffs free...''" Aching beneath the Shadow of the Colossus, his pokeballs were ready to release; millions of X's and Y's were preparing to flood his distribution channel.

But it wasn't long before N's unsolicited advances had Agro'd the entire Bayonetta fanbase. Bayonetta would not bedrilled by the likes of this pocket monster. In the end, she was simply out of his poke league. -Polycosm''' Lack of Mass Appeal has Mass Effect on 2013 Election GAMEFAQS, CNET (AP) --- Facing his confirmation hearing for the title of "most interesting and complex character of the 2013 contest," nominee Mordin Solus took the stand today before a controversial-- and at times contentious-- committee.
 * 1) Cole and Ragna the Bloodedge lost because... http://tindeck.com/listen/jlge - Whammychip
 * 2) Protoman and Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik lost because... All part of a secret conspiracy to destroy the American family. First we let gays into the second round, then people will want to let horses in. It's political correctness gone mad! - Lightning Strikes RUNNER-UP Because only a real man can tame Ike's heart, robots and men who fiddle with machines just won't cut it. - Sir Chris 
 * 3) '''Mordin Solus and Niko Bellic lost because...

Amid last-minute backdoor deals and alleged "carrot and stick" politics, support for Solus fell well short of the majority vote required for advancement. "At 48 percent of the vote, the neighs have it," House Speaker Allen Tyner proclaimed as the meeting adjourned.

Once considered to be a one-horse race, the election is now wide open leading into round two of the hearings, scheduled to begin next August 23rd at 9:00PM PST.

Opposition leader Niko Bellic was out bowling with his cousin and could not be reached for comment in time for the printing of this story. - Polycosm''' Went toe to toe To see who was more pretty. Then Frog came through And slayed the two And showed them both no pity. - Whammychip''' Kat: Neat! So like, if we vote for you...we would be voting for ourselves right!? Shadow: Errr...sure... Kat: So Yu, what do you think? I say we do it! "Hell no! Are you stupid!? It's a freakin hedgehog!" -"Sure, sounds legit!" -"Whatever." Yu wanted to say that, but he didn't have enough COMMON SENSE. So they lost...On the bright side, Yu maxed out his social link with Kat and...spent a long time with her... -Pirateking2000''' GAMEFAQs, CNET (AP) --- After tampering with nomination records to ensure his mortal nemesis, Chris Redfield, would be excluded from the contest, Albert Wesker set into motion a devious scheme to bring all voters under his umbrella. At 9:30 AM on Tuesday, mere hours before his match was slated to begin, Wesker unleashed Las Plagas onto unsuspecting voters, with the hopes of using the event to gain complete global saturation of the voting base and, as a result, total control of their votes. It was a plan so utterly RIDICULOUS that it had to work... or so he thought. However, Wesker failed to remember that virus-spawned mutants and monsters typically lack the intelligence to vote, thus rendering the operation as useless as a mad jackal. The survivors of the biohazard naturally gravitated towards anti-bioterrorism champion Leon S. Kennedy, resulting in a defeat of volcanic proportions for Wesker. Oliver's fans could not be reached for comment as it was found that most of them had left to a parallel dimension shortly after the incident claimed their mothers. - Whammychip Apologies in advance. I know thocelot of bad puns to digest at once. - GenesisSaga RUNNER UP Roxas spent two hours running around doing nothing of consequence, and as for Ocelot, it turns out that six votes aren't enough to beat anything that moves. - Anagram And Banjo had no chance at all. So thus made it an easy pitch, For voters to vote for the glitch. - WweJth RUNNER-UP '''Win a match? You can't even ^*$^%&^$*)&)%$&^*#&*%$*#&(+_&)$%$&($&+* - tazzyboyishere'''
 * 1) Shulk and Ratchet lost because... Xenoblade characters? In a GameFAQs contest? Shulk was dead from the start.. - Solfadore
 * 2) Yuri Hyuga and Slime lost because... http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr263/crypto_magnum/why_did_they_lose3.jpg - Polycosm
 * 3) Ryu Hayabusa and Zack Fair lost because... Kefka found a new and innovative way to ruin everyone's bracket: winning. - Kenri
 * 4) Senator Armstrong and Prinny lost because... Nanomachines, dood. - scarletspeed7
 * 5) '''Viewtiful Joe and Handsome Jack lost because...Jack and Joe
 * 1) Sly Cooper and Francis York Morgan lost because... York asked Zack for advice, not knowing he lost a couple days ago. - GANON1025
 * 2) Laharl and Raz lost because... Dante equipped a horse wiener. - Rad Link 5
 * 3) Ramza Beoulve and JC Denton lost because... Ramza caught fire and went to Squirtle for help. Sadly, Squirtle felt that Ramza didn't need no water and let the heretic burn. What a shame. - homsar555
 * 4) Ridley and Spring Breeze Dancin' lost because... Spring Breeze Dancin' hardly had two chesters to rub together, while Ridley claimed he was "too big to fail." In these tumultuous economic times, only the thieves win. - Polycosm \ Ridley and SBD tried to use the FF9 strategy guide to beat Zidane, but they couldn't get on that damn website. - SecretSquirrel
 * 5) '''Yu Narukami and Kat lost because... Shadow: I am thou...Thou art I...
 * 1) Albert Wesker and Oliver lost because... Albert Wesker Plans Complete Vote Saturation, Resultant Earth Residents Too Evil for Plan to Work
 * 1) Simon Belmont and Hades lost because... Tell me, Dr. Freeman, if you can. You have lost so much. What is it, exactly, that you have won? Can you name even one match? … I thought n- oh. - Anagram
 * 2) Missile and Sarah Kerrigan lost because... Mass (pet) Carriers. - Ringworm
 * 3) Lloyd Irving and Big Daddy lost because... Lloyd: "A Big Daddy? Now I have THREE dads! That's three times as good as just one!" - KamikazePotato \ "So Big Daddy, losing is cool huh? I lied. It's actually hot." - GANON1025
 * 4) Hal "Otacon" Emmerich and Jade Curtiss: The whole reason I got into contests in the first place was because I was no good with votes. I was scared of them. I was scared of round 2. I thought that I could never understand them because they're so illogical. But I've finally learned how to like votes. If only I had some. - Anagram \ RUNNER-UP Hal and Jade's voters simply lacked zeal. - Whammychip
 * 5) Scorpion and Aya Brea lost because... Scorpion is heartless and Aya is a nobody. What did you think was gonna happen? - Pirateking2000
 * 6) Booker DeWitt and Kaim Argonar lost because... The gurus placed too much 'Stock in Booker, and when it came time to perform, he just couldn't dewitt. The other guy kaim and went; he was a Lost cause and a-gonar from the start. - Polycosm
 * 7) Groose and Lu Bu lost because... When you combine Lu Bu and Groose, you get Lose. And so they did. - WweJth (6 votes
 * 8) Lee Everett and Meat Boy lost because... Why wouldn't the flat character win? We've been voting for Link and Crono for years! - Tsunami 
 * 9) Pac-Man and Steve lost because... Steve didn't have the balls. Pac-Man didn't have the stones. If only they had cooperated... - Whammychip
 * 10) Fox McCloud and Wolf O'Donnell lost because... http://i.imgur.com/kNyBVFE.png - ZenofThunder
 * 11) Isaac Clark and Sandbag lost because... Samus hit a home run, sending Sandbag into Dead Space. - LinkMarioSamus
 * 12) Neku Sakuraba and Vaas Montenegro lost because... Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is picking the exact... same f***ing obscure RPG character to win... over and over again, expecting... s*** to change. That... is crazy; but the first time somebody told me that...I dunno, I thought they were bulls****ing me, so boom — I pick Neku. The thing is, okay... He lost. And then I started seeing: everywhere I looked, everywhere I looked, all these f***ing Neku matches, everywhere I looked, doing the exact same f***ing thing... over and over and over and over again thinking: "This time, it's gonna be different; no, no, no, no, no, please... This time it's gonna be different." ...I am sorry, I don't think this character could actually beat Neku... Okay, do you have a f***ing problem in your head? Do you think I am bulls****ing you? Do you think I am lying? F*** you! Okay? F*** YOU! It's okay, man. I'm gonna chill, hermano. I'm gonna chill... The thing is... alright, the thing is: I picked Neku once already... and it's not like I am f***ing crazy. It's okay... It's like water under the bridge. Did I ever tell you the definition... of insanity? - darkx
 * 13) Seifer Almasy and Celes Chere lost because... Anyone who's played FF6 knows that if a guardian says he won't let you pass, he means it.- Altimadark
 * 14) Tails and Bomberman lost because... Bomberman, Bomberman. Mass destruction, across the land. Bombs the match, of any size!. Only Ezio, can survive! Oh yeah! Your very own Bomberman! Tails Crossed his path, and did explode! In the all new, adventure mode! Popularity, he surely lacks! Only on, Gamefaqs! Watch out! It's the same old Bomberman! - Ashethan
 * 15) Revolver Ocelot and Roxas lost because... *knock knock* Who's there? Nobody! Nobody who? A Nobody! Nobody who? I'm a Nobody? Nobody who? ... Roxas. Now Auron you glad I didn't say Nobody?
 * 1) Palutena and Teemo lost because... Both Palutena and Teemo have asses, which is a funny story because L-Block is shaped like a boot... - Sir Chris
 * 2) Tom Nook and Pyramid Head lost because... Dragonborn wanted no part of Tom Nook's pyramid scheme.. -Whammychip
 * 3) Master Chief and Claire Redfield lost because... Well it might have taken (a)eons, but Yuna finally got her revenge. - GenesisSaga
 * 4) Cirno and Chun-Li lost because... http://i.imgur.com/FOIDRcX.jpg - StarStormScream
 * 5) Duke Nukem and Fawful lost because... The Duke does two things. Get kicked in the ass and chew bubble gum, and Fawful chewed all his bubble gum. - Unbridled9
 * 6) Adam Jensen and Marisa Kirisame lost because... I never asked for this stuffing - GenesisMana RUNNER-UP [15] The LORD ADMINISTRATOR took the man and put him in the Contest to work it and lose in Round 1. [16] And the LORD ADMINISTRATOR commanded the man, “You are free to get as many votes as you wish from any voter in the world; [17] but you must not gain more votes than Vivi, for when you reach Round 2 you will certainly die.” [18] The LORD ADMINISTRATOR said, “It is not good for the man to be alone against Vivi and lose so badly. I will make a fellow fodder suitable for him.” [19] Now the LORD ADMINISTRATOR had formed out of the games all the entrants and fodder of Round 1. But for Adam no suitable three-way fodder was found. [20] So the LORD ADMINISTRATOR caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s votes and then closed up the place with flesh. [21] Then the LORD ADMINISTRATOR made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man, and he named her Marisa Kirisame.[22] The man said, “This is now the fellow fodder of this round, And the both of us will lose terribly, But neither of us should have been put against Vivi because, I never asked for this.” - Anagram
 * 7) Guybrush Threepwood and Max Payne lost because... Before we can establish why Ganondorf won the battle, let's explain how Guybrush lost to Max Payne. Guybrush lost to Max Payne because... wait, what? - LazyKenny RUNNER-UP Because Guybrush fought like a dairy farmer, and Max Payne fought like a cow. - Enustik_Zapot
 * 8) Rayman and Commander Video lost because... It's 2013. Nobody knows what a video is anymore. - WweJth RUNNER-UP Commander Video and Rayman just kept running toward victory, but it was an auto-scroll level and they went past it. - Dr Edward Roivas
 * 9) Vyse and Adol Christin lost because... GameFAQs' anti-vote stuffing measures also protect against piracy. - Kenri
 * 10) Tidus and Banjo lost because... Tidus could not catch a ball,
 * 1) Creeper and The King of All Cosmos lost because... They both take too long to build up to something big enough to win. - Chrono1219
 * 2) Corvo Attano and Sissel lost because... Red had a Silph Scope handy to avoid being dishonored by that ghost trick. - StifledSilence
 * 3) Cecil Harvey and Pit lost because... "Well, there was this one time Nintendo and Square tried to wipe out our entire race. That was fun. " - LazyKenny
 * 4) Magikarp and Geno lost because... Magikarp made a splash, unfortunately it had no effect. - Articuno2001 RUNNER UP Magikarp only got enough votes to reach level 19. - GenesisTwilight
 * 5) Travis Touchdown and Recette Lemongrass lost because... http://i.imgur.com/nFfDgWj.jpg - Veola (3 votes)
 * 6) Red Bird and Mike Haggar lost because... Jill and Mike contracted swine flu from Red Bird. While Valentine was used to dealing with all sorts of viruses, Haggar didn't stand a shot. - GenesisMana Runner up Haggar is the Mayor of Earth, but unfortunately for him, Jill's ass is out of this world. - Ultimaphazon
 * 7) Kratos Aurion and Boko lost because... Kratos made a wisecrack about dividing by Zero. Zero responded by dividing them both in two. - Whammychip \ Kratos and Boko tried to approach Zero for 12 hours. Unfortunately, Zero was the asymptote. - swirIdude
 * 8) Lenneth Valkyrie and Claptrap lost because... The Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. Unless it's in a competion, in which case the Weighted Companion Cube will gladly shiv you in the back while uttering expletives involving your mother. - Whammychip
 * 9) ? Block and Lyndis lost because...Seeking help against Rikku, Lyn hit the ? Block. Unfortunately, it had a Poison Mushroom inside it. - TheCodeisBosco Runner Up Lyn had a 99% chance of winning this round and Rikku had a 1% chance of winning. As any FE fan knows, that practically guarantees Rikku's victory. - Unbridled9 (5 votes)
 * 10) John Marston and Sackboy lost because... Sackboy is very good at creating interesting levels and puzzles to be solved. Unfortunately for him, Zelda's entire franchise revolves around beating such things. John Marston's does not. - Unbridled9
 * 11) Lightning and Falco Lombardi lost because... DK swayed the voters with his superior barrel rolling. - Wedge Antilles
 * 12) Riku and Nier lost because... Charizard tricked Riku into catching Missingno., which destroyed Riku's save file. Nier deleted his save file on his own. - OrangeCrush980 \ Dark-types have no advantage over Charizard. - tazzyboyishere

Round 2
Wearing his jeweled adorned crown He ran over Yoshi with Epona like a tractor Oh the Mighty Link laid down the Same Fanbase Factor Half man, half machine gave him a fight Only to bring upon him Link's bite Then Link laughed and rode away Off to next round with more weaklings to flay ...I just made that up, sorry. - Sir Chris Defeat Poseidon Man, receive T. Wave Defeat Helios Man, receive F. Corona Defeat Hades Man, receive S. Siphon Defeat STARS Woman, receive M. Revolver Defeat Nemesis Man, receive R. Launcher Defeat Tyrant Man, receive Z. Claw Defeat Kratos Man, receive C. Blade - LazyKenny
 * 1) Raiden and Yoshi lost because... Oh the Hero named Link rode into town
 * 1) Tharja and Aerith Gainsborough lost because... http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/4973/zpj0.png - tazzyboyishere (12 votes)
 * 2) Ryu and Mega Man X lost because... X was determined to put a stop to this madness, but Draven defeated Sheng Long and clearly stood a chance. - Paratroopa1 (13 votes)
 * 3) Dracula and Barret Wallace lost because... Dracula and Barret joined forces to form Blacula, but Sonic countered by teaming up with my original character, Blonic (do not steal). - homsar555
 * 4) Phoenix Wright and Vincent Valentine lost because... Most people had an OBJECTION to the match pics used. - Ashethan
 * 5) The Boss and Sub-Zero lost because... The Boss' and Sub-Zero's expertise involved fighting snakes and scorpions, respectively, but neither knew anything about turtles or dragons. - Anagram
 * 6) Morrigan Aensland and Spyro the Dragon lost because... Sephiroth, while at times an ineffective villain whose greatest fear is that his mother doesn't love him enough, is well acquainted with the art of murdering women and reptiles. - Achromatic
 * 7) Luigi and Ness lost because... 199X isn't the Year of Luigi. - Anagram
 * 8) Elizabeth and Crash Bandicoot lost because... Everyone voted for the character who sucks the most. Whammychip
 * 9) Alucard and Bayonetta lost because... Vampires and witches are sooooooo last year. - Whammychip
 * 10) Ike and Epona lost because... http://tindeck.com/listen/edic - Ashethan
 * 11) Altair and Lara Croft lost because... Archaeologists... Assassins... Brackets... where do they come from? And where do they all go? Such meaningless things.... Kefka will destroy them all! - Ashethan Runner Up Kefka hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hates our brackets. - Kenri
 * 12) Lugia and Frog lost because... "I have failed." - ZenOfThunder
 * 13) Dante and Zidane lost because... Will cloud or squall hinder them? No, but a squirt'll. - Whammychip
 * 14) Shadow and Gordon Freeman lost because... Leon excels at killing dead things, including franchises and, let's face it, we'll be dead before HL3 comes out as well. - Unbridled9
 * 15) Crono and Magus because... There is 47 percent of GameFAQs who will vote for Pokémon no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with them, who are dependent upon Nintendo, who believe that they are victims, who believe GameFAQs has a responsibility to cater to their tastes, who believe that they are entitled to dozens of Pokémon in every contest, to Pokémon beating Noble Niners, to Square bombing, to you-name-it. That's an entitlement. GameFAQs should give it to them. And they will vote for Pokémon no matter what. And I mean Pokémon starts off with 48, 49... it starts off with a huge number. These are people who don’t play video games anymore. Forty-seven percent of GameFAQs doesn’t play video games anymore. So our message of a good variety of strong characters doesn't connect. So Pokédrones will be out there talking about how awesome Pokémon is… Our job is not to worry about those people. We’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and think for themselves. High fives 53% of GameFAQs - DoctorJimmy Runner-up Well what did chu expect? Crono reached his pik a long time ago. - Dark Young Link
 * 16) Gilgamesh and Yoshimitsu lost because... Sora didn't fight like a man. Or a lady. Or a lady who dresses like a man. Turns out, nobody was prepared for someone fighting like a boy who dresses like Mickey Mouse. - Takfloyd_mkII__
 * 17) Nathan Drake and Mr. Game & Watch lost because... There are eight votes to earn in Kanto. Blue got 14434 of them - Anagram
 * 18) Catherine and Knuckles lost because... Too many sheep on Gamefaqs. - Ashethan RUNNER-UPS Catherine wanted to try fisting with Knuckles. Unfortunately, his hand got stuck and they missed the match. - GenesisTwilight \ Samus doesn't need to show her whole body to look hot. She just needs to take out her helmet. - ZeldaTPLink
 * 19) Auron and Ezio Auditore da Firenze lost because... There are two asses in Assassin... which, coincidentally, is exactly how many of 'em L-Block kicked. - Whammychip
 * 20) Dragonborn and Yuna lost because... Yu? Nah. Dragon? Bore. Tif**, yeah! - SinisterSandman
 * 21) Mario and Ganondorf lost because... How do you prove that they lost? Maybe they didn't lose... - Big Bob RUNNER-UP [ Wait, what?! ] - Wanglicious HONORABLE MENTIONS My games lay within a vast company. When the sales rose into the market, a burning figure punished my games, searing the brand. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, an Italian plumber pierced our homes. No matter when it came the plumber carried the same thing... Better sales. But the sales that blew across the green fields of Nintendo brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted those sales, I suppose. It can only be called fate... That here, I would again gather the three with the money... That I should lay my hand on that which grants the votes of the beholder... That when Mario, Vivi, and I come together, the users would have no choice but to come down... The power of the users... The Poll! He who wins it will have round 3 acceptance granted! Already the Zelda vote is mine.. All that remains... Do not fear. I will not beat you... I merely have need to sap some of the votes that dwell within you. Now! Let us put an end to that which binds us together! - tazzy \ http://i.imgur.com/Dh5ZjJb.png -spantaneousness
 * 22) Amaterasu and Missingno lost because... Squall can take a joke after all. - pjbasis
 * 23) Urdnot Wrex and Wario lost because... Shepard. - Big Bob
 * 24) Kratos and Jill Valentine lost because... Defeat Zeus Man, receive L. Bolt
 * 1) Weighted Companion Cube and Rikku lost because... Rikku tried to drop the Weighted Companion Cube onto Zero's head. Unfortunately for her, cubing Zero has no effect. - Whammychip
 * 2) Donkey Kong and Zelda lost because... Donkey Kong and a Princess? What do you think happened? - WweJth

Round 3
While the contest grows frail Oh there once was a man name Shepard He died really quick, eaten by a leopard Link was the hero of time And his LAW would abide no crime His strength in the contest, uncontested! Everyone knew he would never be bested But in the league there came Draven Whose skills in the rally were most craven He took it to Link like none before Knocked our champion right to the floor! But Link did not back down For he was Link, and he had come to town! To lay an ass whooping on this league champ And so his powers began to ramp Draven was pushed back! His mighty axes began to crack Link wasn't like the others, he reckoned If he were to win, he would need another tactic, a second Draven didn't care much for pride It was only victory he eyed With greatest of glee he shut off the battle site Link's once strong hope was now but a fading light But Link refused to give in! As those savage axes tore into his skin He blocked, he parried, and bullrushed the hulking man He was the strongest, **** a plan! The two thus did battle for several hours Each throwing around their mighty powers Draven began to wear as Link strengthened If only the battle... could have been lengthened As Link dove for the kill his heart gave a harsh thump He had lost too much blood, it refused to pump As his heart's beat slowly faded to zero Time had run out on its hero. - Achromatic \ http://i.imgur.com/11tVLH2.jpg - Anagram. It’s always irritating, Remember when I lost in this once more? Oh, how we raged and raged, Except I wasn’t raging, After the Draven match this whole contest is a bore.
 * 1) Link and Commander Shepard lost because... Long ago on a distant website, I, Draven, the undisputed champion of League of Legends, unleashed an unspeakable rally. But a foolish Hylian warrior wielding the Master Sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my dominance is LAW. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Draven. - AdmiralZephyr RUNNER-UPS, from 2nd to 7th http://imageshack.com/scaled/large/513/vfo.png (Great_Paul) \ GAMEFAQS lS ERROR. (Paratroopa1) \ Distributed Denial of Shepard - XIII_rocks. \The one thing that could possibly defeat link....hyperlink. - SovietOmega \\ Sit down, and here my tale
 * 1) Sonic the Hedgehog and Bowser lost because... Uber: Mewtwo OU: Sonic NU: Bowser - LazyKenny RUNNER-UP Sonic and Bowser were too busy being in Brawl to pay attention to the contest - Hombad46 HONORABLE MENTION Mewtwo pulled a Maleficent when he didn't get a Brawl invite. - SSJSephirothGokuX123
 * 2) Big Boss and Kirby lost because... Big Boss was about to kill Sephiroth, but Kirby turned out to be a Snake eater - hombad46 RUNNER-UP It's not Para-Medic's fault, the guide book said that eating Kirby would not be a good idea. - LazyKenny
 * 3) GlaDOS and Kefka lost because... What would you rather have at your birthday party? No cake? A creepy ass rape clown? or SOLID ****ING SNAKE busting out of your present and giving you a sick infinite ammo bandana? - Pirateking2000 RUNNER-UP Well here we are again,

You want the next round take it, You can just move right on, I used to want to win but, I don't care now that Link is gone.

He was a lot like you, (Maybe not quite as chatty), Now little elfy boy's a loser too. One day they nommed me up, So I could lose forever, It’s such a shame this game will never matter to you.

You’ve got your short, sad run left, You can just move right on, I’ll let you get right to it, I don't care now that Link is gone.

Goodbye, my greatest foe, Oh, did you think I meant you? That would be funny if I weren’t so mad, Well the LAW's been destroyed, I don’t pay attention now, If Draven loses maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.

Go cause some great new baw-fest, You can just move right on, You’re someone else’s champion, I don't care now that Link is gone, I don't care now that Link is gone, I don't care now that Link is gone... - JeffreyRaze
 * 1) Cloud Strife and Leon Kennedy lost because... Just like in the stories, the tortoise beats the hair. - Wedge Antilles/Justin2Krelian Runner ups As always, Cloud is second to Link, whether it be in the contest finals or going out in round 3 to a rally. - Lightning Strikes \ Where'd all the FFVII voters go? Bingo? - xp1337
 * 2) Sora and Pokemon Trainer Blue lost because... "What?! Unbelievable! I picked the wrong Pokemon!" - hombad46
 * 3) L-Block and Tifa Lockhart lost because... Samus aran away with the all of the votes. - Anagram
 * 4) Squall Leonhart and Vivi lost because... Squall drew votes from Vivi. - LazyKenny Runner up Get over it man. They lost fair and square and just because you like them doesn't mean they deserved to win. - CoLDReaMMaster
 * 5) Charizard and Zero lost because... Stealth Rockman. - FalconPain

Semifinals

 * 1) Mewtwo and Sephiroth lost because... Sephiroth and Mewtwo split the Genetically Engineered Super Soldier vote. - Ashethan RUNNER-UP Eh. Who cares, F*** YEAH MEGA MAN. - Wanglicious Honorable Mention http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSMkJt-eXwc&feature=youtu.be The numbers don't lie. - Haguile
 * 2) Pikachu and Squirtle lost because... Team Rocket stole Pikachu and Squirtle's votes in an attempt to steal Pikachu. Snake backwards is Ekans. COINCIDENCE?! I think not! Who is the most famous Ekans Trainer? Jessie, a member of team rocket who is always trying to steal Pikachu. What is the one thing Team Rocket is good at? Rigging contests. NEED MORE EVIDENCE? Metal Gear Solid is an anagram for le go mislead rat. Which is reddit for "Go mislead Pikachu". More accurately in French Go take the lead from Pikachu. Reddit is in league with Team Rocket. Reddit has the word RED in it. Jessie has RED Hair. STILL NOT CONVINCED? Ash's Squirtle wears Sunglasses. Who else wears sunglasses? Wesker. Also Johnny Cage. But also Master Miller. Master Miller is really Liquid Snake. Liquid Snake and Solid Snake share the same DNA. Therefore Solid Snake IS Liquid Snake, and since Liquid Snake wears sunglasses, and squirtle wears sunglasses, Liquid Snake is Squirtle therefore Solid Snake is Squirtle. DON'T BELIEVE ME? Metal Gear Solid was released in Japan on September 3rd 1998. The pokemon anime aired for the first time in the united states on September 8th, 1998 The pokemon anime introduced the characters of Jessie and James. Just five days after Metal Gear Solid was released in Japan. HOW CONVENIENT! Squirtle is weak to electric-type attacks. Pikachu is an electric type pokemon. THAT'S NOT ALL THOUGH! Giovanni is the leader of the ground type Gym. Ground pokemon are strong against Electric Attacks. The ground is Solid. Snake is Solid. Therefore Snake is a ground type. You don't have to take my word for it! Ask all the experts. Professor Oak had this to say: "Are you a boy or a girl?" (In reference to James androgyny) Shortly afterwards he said: I came when I heard you defeated the Elite Four" (Four pokemon have now went down) From Professor Oak's mouth, the premier expert on pokemon, literally saying James (and Jessie) defeated Pikachu (and Squirtle) Team Rocket Stole Pikachu's votes and gave them to Snake (with help from Reddit). Spread the truth! - Ashethan Runner Up Snake had it wrapped up from the start. - KokoroAkechi Honorable mention Have you ever noticed how the character contest banners look like boxes? Well, Squirtle and Pikachu are used to staying put when in them. Snake? Less so. - Anagram
 * 3) Mega Man and Pokemon Trainer Red lost because... Mega Man just can't defeat Air Man, I mean, Aran. - hombad46 RUNNER-UPS Defeat eight robot masters, go to Dr. Wily's Castle. Collect eight gym badges, go to the Elite Four. Defeat eight other contestants in this contest, go to the finals. - LazyKenny \ Voters would rather vote for someone with 2 boobs than 6 balls anyday - WweJth

Finals

 * 1) Solid Snake and Samus Aran lost... Because the Reddit mods decided to turn an interesting match into a pointless one. - SBAllen RUNNER-UP Quoth the Draven, `Nevermore.' - GTM HONORABLE MENTIONS Character Battles have changed. It's no longer about character popularity, development, or design. It's an endless series of proxy battles fought by trolls and fanboys. Character battles - and its consumption of time - have became a well-oiled machine. Character Battles have changed. Reddit rallied users carry Reddit rallied motives, use Reddit rallied accounts. Reddit moderators enhance and regulate their abilities. Video game trolling. Character trolling. Board 8 trolling. Contest poll trolling. Everything is rallied and trolling. Character battles have changed. The age of deterrence has become the age of trolling... All in the name of averting cliché results from iconic Nintendo characters. And he who trolls the Character Battle... trolls gamefaqs. Character battles have changed. When the battle is under total control... Character Battles become a joke. Also, Snake... is sick, so he went on a trip to help him get better. ...he needs to be alone. Snake...had a hard life... he needs some time to rest... - LeJonGriff

Bonus

 * 1) Chester and Spring Breeze Dancin lost the Round 1 bonus because... Luster on the Inflation Crisis: We Need More Easing, Chester Is Too High And Spring Breeze Dancin' Too LowFed Chairman Luster highlighted long-term risks to the X-Stats' economic outlook in a series of statements made last Sunday. "The fact is", he said in a press conference held in his basement, "that Chester bombed too much in his debut match. Such a disastrous performance may lead to severe inflationary pressure, with Link being worth as far as 45 chesters."In response to these cautionary statements from the Fed Chairman, President SBAllen decided to hold a bonus poll featuring two of the weakest characters in the tournament alongside Chester, in the hopes that the bloodthirsty madman may pull above 25% and thus improve the value of a chester.The Presidential decree was initially met with positive reactions, many rejoicing in the streets at the prospect of Dancin' potentially winning a match, while others criticized the decision of the government to essentially subsidize Caim with what they feel is an unearned victory in light of his disastrous first performance. In the end, the President's opponents prevailed, as Chester barely broke over 20% and still remained terrible. Asked yesterday how he felt he was doing in the contest so far, SBAllen declined to answer. Meanwhile, recent polling numbers rank his support at an historically low 16136 votes. This edition brought to you by the Peach Mountain Shoguns. Come alive in the fresh spring breeze™. Subscribe now and find out why a Chester/Tanner/Solano match-up might have turned out better for the economy! Related news: The King of Hyrule accused President Aga of deliberately undervaluing the chester in hopes of eclipsing the Base Link as the main unit of currency in character battles. These comments are only the latest in a long line of scandals targeted towards Aga; thus far, allegations that he devours his lovers whole have yet to be supported by credible sources. - Solfadore
 * 2) Crono and Mega Man X lost the Round 2 bonus because... http://i.imgur.com/DCCsKRo.png - Anagram
 * 3) Mewtwo and Pikachu lost the Semifinals bonus because... http://i.imgur.com/mPwAz7Y.png - Anagram
 * 4) Snake lost the final match vs. Link because... The Zelda series is a link to the past. Believe me when I say it's not past it's Twilight, Princess. The Adventure of Link will always go on. What Link has done here, you cannot Diminish. Cap off another contest with a win for Link. Snake may have snuck past Draven, but no Cardboard box will hide him from Link, who's limitations are Skyward. Sword in hand, Link always prevails. It doesn't take an Oracle of Ages to tell you that. - Ashethan \ You found 5,000 Snake votes! But they won't fit in your poll right now so you'll have to put them back - Hombad46 \ SBAllen's wife couldn't stuff the poll enough. - Dr_Football