Why Did They Lose? (Classic)

This is a retro Why Did They Lose?, based on Zhang's original Why Did They Lose? which began with the 5th Character Battle in 2006.

Bumping thanks to swirldude. New layout ideas thanks to creativemind. The Classic thing was Dr. Pizza's idea, but Lightning Strikes is the one continuing it.

=Character Battle I=

Round 1

 * 1) Servbot lost because... Servbot got served. (stone)
 * 2) Spyro the Dragon lost because... Morrigan chained all the kiddies to their bed so they could NEVER get up. (Smurf)
 * 3) Terry Bogard lost because... Aya Brea asked him if he was OK. You know the rest. (Lightning Strikes)
 * 4) Bub lost because... Remember Bubble Bobble? Bub could never truly win if he's fighting without Bob. (Seijun)
 * 5) Tails lost because... Alucard's Plan began. (Dr Pizza)
 * 6) Iori Yagami lost because... Duke Nukem Forever was coming out soon. (Holy Excalibur)
 * 7) PaRappa the Rapper lost because... Pikachu's attacks weren't all in the mind. (Paperwarior)
 * 8) Fox McCloud lost because... Fox couldn't barrel roll 'round the Knights of the Round. (swirldude)
 * 9) Chop Chop Master Onion lost because... Lara's Onions were too big for him to chop chop. (MikeJonessss)
 * 10) Guybrush Threepwood lost because... Guybrush dueled like a dairy farmer, but Ryo dueled like a sailor. (swirldude)
 * 11) Simon Belmont lost because... It was a horrible night to have a curse. (Kloggmonkey)
 * 12) Q*Bert lost because... %&^*@! (Kloggmonkey)
 * 13) Kasumi lot because... In a battle of sexy women, Aeris had one more hole than Kasumi, and that made all the difference. (Inviso)
 * 14) Gordon Freeman lost because... Tina shouted "GFNW" at the top of her lungs, and Gordon spent the rest of the match trying to decipher it. (SuperSmashMaster)
 * 15) Akira Yuki lost because... His knuckles weren't strong enough.(Falcon120)
 * 16) Squall Leonhart lost because... Solid Snake put a knife to Squall's neck, and Squall said "Whatever." (swirldude)
 * 17) Goemon lost because... Pac-Man ate power pellet and then eat him up too. (ertyu)
 * 18) Abe lost because... Abe stubbed his toe on the way to the match and died. (Kloggmonkey)
 * 19) Kazuya Mishima lost because... Scorpion used Toasty on Kazuya. (MegaWentEvil)
 * 20) Dirk the Daring lost because... Dirk was dead. The final gunshot was an exclamation mark to everything that had led to this point. Max Payne released his finger from the trigger. And then it was over. (swirldude)
 * 21) Kane lost because... Kane was not the bomb. (Bad_Jon)
 * 22) Kirby lost because... In AD 2002, ertyu was beginning. (Lightning Strikes)
 * 23) Raziel lost because... Strider actually has a jaw under his mask. (Mad Steve)
 * 24) Little Mac lost because... Link Stole Little Mac's bike. (xXSabinFigaroXx)
 * 25) Pitfall Harry lost because... I'm not sure why to be honest, since Sonic Heroes had more pitfall deaths then the game Pitfall itself! (Dr Pizza)
 * 26) Claire Redfield lost because... TJF ...wait (Kamikaze Potato)
 * 27) Ken Masters lost because...Ken: I think I Ken, I think I Ken. Nintendo: lol we think you Kent. (NESSPIKA)
 * 28) CATS lost because... Ryu spends his life wandering the world, taking on all challengers. He has no need for a base. (Lightning Strikes)
 * 29) Ms. Pac-Man lost because... Mega Man shot pellets at Ms. Pac Man, which she kept eating until she imploded. (swirldude)
 * 30) Mr. Driller lost because... He couldn't GIT SERIAUS. (Biolizard28)
 * 31) Gabe Logan lost because... The Syphon Filter series was dead at the end of its first disc. (Lopen)
 * 32) Ulala lost because... She was too busy laughing at Crash's overseeding to actually fight. (Biolizard28)

Round 2

 * 1) Morrigan Aensland lost because... Capcom stopped caring about Darkstalkers continuity ages ago. Morrigan technically didn't exist. (DeathChicken)
 * 2) Aya Brea lost because... With that pesky plumber out of the way, DK was finally free to have his way with the human woman! (roseille)
 * 3) Duke Nukem lost because... Duke Nukem was there to kick ass and chew bubble gum. But he was all out of kick ass. (tazzyboyishere)
 * 4) Pikachu lost because... Cloud found the one thing electric rats are weak against: point-blank stabbing. (SuperSmashMaster)
 * 5) Ryo Hazuki lost because... Lara, whose name began with an L, was mystically imbued with power from the future to fight on to another day. (Inviso)
 * 6) Dante lost because... Dante didnt use the devil trgger in time to kill him and Crono made him see the light. (ertyu)
 * 7) Tina Armstrong lost because... In a battle of sexy women, Aeris had one more hole than Tina Armstrong, and that made all the difference.
 * 8) Knuckles the Echidna lost because... Knuckles has a 3 year contract to lose against Snake. (SSJ Link)