How far would you make it in this game in real life

Stripey once made a topic that people actually liked. It was called How far would you make it in this game in real life? This is that topic. Unfortunately, Stripey shamefully abandoned his post causing an uproar. To prevent the inevitable insurrection, KCF0107 decided to save the day.

The Rules
'''Rules are simple. You take the place of the main character in the video game. However there is a catch, you only are equipped with your own strengths and weaknesses(Unless stated otherwise). If you are not strong enough to lift clouds buster sword then well.... too bad. Simply state how far you would make it in the game until you either die or complete it! Good luck !'''

A
Ape Escape- We can't properly use the Sky Lifter, so it looks like the monkeys win

Assassin's Creed- When we take that leap of faith in Masyaf, we won't come out unscathed nor will we just break our legs like the other guy. We will lose our life, end of discussion

Assassin's Creed II- We will randomly jump off of things without scouting for cushioning and will get ourselves killed. We are that dumb

B
Baldur's Gate- We make to Beregost. Some of us will chill and relax here, but we will all eventually be murdered

Banjo-Kazooie- We would all drown trying to help out good ol' Clanker

Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean- Sabre Dragon takes care of us

Batman: Arkham Asylum- Despite all the gadgets we have have, the thugs at the beginning stop us dead in our tracks

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing- We're Winner!

Bioshock- We don't have the luck Jack does, so we are going down in the plane crash

Borderlands- Where there's a wasteland, there are bandits and we don't match up well against them

Breath of Fire III- There was no majority among the answers. The likely scenarios are us dying to some invincible horse guys, never escaping the mine, or falling of the train tracks in the cage

Bully- We survived everything that Gary threw at us and took him down and we are now the king, or queen, of Bullworth Academy

C
Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare- I don't know whether it means that we would die or be sent home, but it appears that training is too much for us to handle

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- We wouldn't be able to climb the first mountain

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night- We only wish we could take on Wargs as they hunt us down and rip us to shreds or eat us

Cave Story- Our jumping abilities are sub-par, so we will land on spikes very quickly

Chrono Cross- We could lose to some intimidating creatures like dragons or komodo dragons, or some guy who sounds like a tour guide in Miguel

Chrono Trigger- Sorry, but it looks like we won't stay and enjoy the carnival. We get to die at a tank shaped like a dragon

Conker's Bad Fur Day- We are saying "fuck it" and decide to stay at the bar and drink

D
Darkwing Duck- Shortly after our quest begins, we have to jump to a taller structure. We fail there

Devil May Cry- We can't make it past Alastor

Devil May Cry 2- A few reasons came up:


 * We would commit suicide immediately because we are emo and decided that we couldn't kill ourselves in the real world, only the DMC2 world works for some odd reason
 * We make it to the helicopter and abruptly die there
 * The first thing that opposes us has the honor of ending our lives
 * We are adept at standing around and shooting blindly, so we can make it all the way to Argosax

Diablo II- We won't make it out of the Den of Evil, whether it be to a Gargantuan Beast or something else

Donkey Kong Country- We meet our end at the ropes in 1-2

Doom- The second room and that's because the first has nothing to threaten us

Dragon Age: Origins- Our mission ends shortly after it begins when a dozen or so wolves take us down

E
Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind- Vivec seems to be our favorite city so we would likely just remain there. We could also not be so lucky and get assassinated in our sleep

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion- I can't believe that I am saying this but in a world with monsters and people that are about as dangerous they get, we are going to succeed in beating the main quest and possibly some of the guilds. Congrats to us all, I guess

Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem- There are just too many pressure plate traps in Ellia's chapter that surviving by sheer luck isn't even an option

F
Fable- We die to wasps, yes wasps

Fallout 3- We are going to get lit up in Vault 101

Final Fantasy- We can't follow through on our first mission as Garland knocks us down

Final Fantasy Tactics- We could no longer rely on our allies when we face Wiegraf at Riovanes. The result wouldn't be pretty

Final Fantasy VII- It's just silly to believe that one could win against people with guns at long range using a sword

Final Fantasy IX- The Evil Forest lives up to its name

Final Fantasy X- Unfortunately, we are too stupid to get ourselves substituted in the blitzball game, so we are all drowning. Way to go guys!

Fire Emblem- We are strategical geniuses as our strategies lead everyone to victory

F-Zero- We would not only crash in the first race, but maybe even the first turn

G
God Hand- Nobody agreed on one thing, so here's a few responses:


 * 5 Seconds, no more, no less. Santa calculated
 * Despite having a great advantage over others, HeroDelTiempo (calling you out bro) is so oblivious on how to fight that he would manage to find a way to lose to the first mob
 * Our body wouldn't react too kindly to having our arm cut off. In fact, it chose to die. That's quite unfortunate for us

God of War- We die to the first enemy we see

Goldeneye 007- First guard kills us with ease

Grand Theft Auto IV- Concrete Jungle is where we meet our end. We can't cover and shoot worth shit

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City- Vice City is a dangerous place to be and we happen to die in one of the less "noble" ways, run over by a car

H
Half-Life- As much as it pains us, something with an awful name like "Headcrab" will kill us

Half-Life 2- We get killed in the apartments. What a shitty place to die in

Halo: Combat Evolved- We are far more capable than I realized as we make it all the way until our first encounter with the Flood

Home Improvement- Since we are better than Tim Allen in every possible way, we will of course beat it to prevent ourselves from being considered to be on the same level as him

I
Ico- We would all make it to the end. Whether that vague statement means we beat it or lose to the final boss, that was never specified

Indigo Prophecy- Well, we fail to save the kid from drowning at the park. Some of us couldn't live with ourselves having failed to do something that was near impossible given the circumstances. Others would get arrested because it's apparently a crime if you attempt to save someone and come up empty

J
Jade Empire- The other students are way out of our league, so we will hopefully be kicked out before all hell breaks loose there

K
Kameo: Elements of Power- The biggest threats to us are shield trolls, long jumps, and confusion

Kid Icarus- We don't possess any archery skills so we won't make it very far

Killer7- Despite the Heaven Smiles "begging" us to kill them, we can't follow through on the very first one

Kingdom Hearts- We couldn't make up our minds, but a few things stood out. We would likely stay on the island and mess around with one of two 14 year olds. If we weren't overcome from lust for little girls, then Darkside was a worthy choice for our end. If we somehow made it past both obstacles, then it would all end at Clayton's bullets piercing through our skulls

L
Left 4 Dead- Special Infected = Death is inevitable for us all

Legend of Legaia- Our impatience will get us killed or being in the wrong place (village) at the wrong time (invasion) will result in the same way

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past- We would so close to Zelda that she would watch us die right in front of her thanks to the Ball and Chain Knight

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Whether we would choose to jump and die or get the hell out of the Deku Tree and do something safer, that large drop stops us from going any further

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess- Like we could wrestle with cattle that are charging at us

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker- Our bodies aren't indestructible so when we hit the Forbidden Fortress walls, well, we aren't getting back up after we hit the ground

Leisure Suit Larry In the Land of the Lounge Lizards- We all said different things, but I'm siding with the guy who seemed to have the most knowledge about the game. We are going to fail to impress the woman at the disco and run out of cash to do anything about it

M
Madden NFL 2002- We are given the chance of a lifetime and we get cut not because of a lack of ability, but because we will miss too many practices

Mass Effect- We will either die sometime before reaching Ashley, which some people find as a blessing in disguise, or we will explode on Eden Prime

Mega Man- Guts Man's disappearing platforms take us by surprise

Mega Man Legends- We all die shamefully to someone with such a silly pun as a name in Tron Bonne

Metal Gear Solid- We are so inferior to Solid Snake that half of us wouldn't even survive the swim. The other half would die in the first room

Metroid Prime- That Morph Ball man. We will either be too distracted being fascinated with it that we are killed by something or we can't adapt to using it and get ourselves killed

Mirror's Edge- Our first attempt at doing anything would result with us falling to our death

N
Ninja Gaiden- we die almost immediately upon fighting the two ninja in the beginning

No More Heroes- Since the enemies are pathetic as shit, we make it to Death Metal where are lives promptly end

P
Pac-Man- It was determined that the ghosts are able to kill us so the combination of the ghosts and the fact that we are in a maze would get us killed sooner than later

Pac-Man World 2- Once again, nobody said anything in common so here's what was said:


 * Canyon Chaos has these large gaps that we have no chance of jumping
 * Won't be able to eat a ghost
 * Die from overeating like a champ
 * Buzzsaws

Paper Mario- Koopa Bros.? Tubba Blubba? Crystal King? They pose no threat and neither will anyone else as we beat the game

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door- Our outcomes will be one of the following:


 * Lord Crump's troops give us a not-so-warm welcome upon entering Rogueport
 * Beat it
 * We die to Cortez because jumping won't be a viable option in that fight
 * Death by reading a ghost's diary
 * Pummeled in Glitzville

Parasite Eve- As the expression goes, it isn't over until the fat(opera) lady sings. In this case, it's over when she burns us to a crisp

Perfect Dark- First set of guards take us out (Just like Goldeneye....)

Persona 3: FES- Killed on the monorail

Persona 4- Shadow Yukiko, which may or may not be better than being shy around girls, thus missing the Midnight Channel

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney- The first case would be a cake-walk, but with Mia gone in the second case, we crumble from being on our own

Pikmin- Against all odds, we are making it off that planet in one piece

Pokemon Yellow- We would eventually become the Pokemon Master, but our paths to and from there differ, including Mewtwo killing us afterwards and banging anybody we wish

Portal- The turrets would stop us dead in our tracks

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time- Wall-running isn't something we are adept at

Prince of Persia (SNES)- We break both of our legs on the first drop. The guard will then casually stroll over and stab us to death

R
Rampage- We would beat the game in one of two ways:


 * Destroy everything in existence
 * Die, but a Cold War: Redux would ensue once how we became mutants was leaked, which would end up destroying everything in existence, just in a more drawn-out fashion

Red Steel- We die to the first enemy, who happens to have god awful aim. We are that incompetent

Resident Evil- Try as we might, the dogs are going to catch us and eat our brains before we can reach the mansion

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis- The very Nemesis we see kills us

Resident Evil 4- We may be able to get into the village, but we aren't coming out

River City Ransom- Getting that extra fighter helps, but we are still going to get curb-stomped by Benny and Clyde

S
The Secret of Monkey Island- Nothing took the majority, so:


 * We drown trying to pick up the idol underwater
 * We refuse to be go into the canon at the circus
 * We die somewhere in that off-screen chaos at the governor's mansion
 * "The Machine" stops us

Shadow of the Colossus- No way in hell are we getting past the first colossus!

Shaq-Fu- Like we could take on a guy with swords with our bare hands

Silent Hill- For whatever reason that a pterodactyl is in a cafe, we are dying at its hands/claws

Skies of Arcadia- Antonio gets us before we can do something about Alfonso

Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus- We are dying in the intro, whether it be by dropping into the building or fall off the water tank

Sonic the Hedgehog- The impact from land after using the springboard in 1-1 renders us obsolete

Sonic the Hedgehog 2- When we are forced to take a spring to scale a cliff, we aren't going to reach the bridge above

Splinter Cell- We are getting rubbed out on Police Station. We will either be absolute morons and somehow run out of ammo and lack the ability to be physical or we will die to one of the two guards harassing the drunk man

Starcraft- Once again, everyone believes they are tactical geniuses, so we cruise to victory no matter which faction we side with

Star Fox 64- We crash the arwing and die almost immediately

Star Fox Adventures- Our responses are all over the place in terms of where they take place in the story. We will die from the crash in the very beginning, during the test of fear, from electrocution in Cloudrunner Fortress, or we fail at the strength competition in LightFoot Village

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic- We die with Carth underground on Taris, die as soon as Trask leaves us, or we beat the game because deep down, we are all truly Jedis

Streets of Rage- We die to the first boss. The dude has a bladed boomerang!

Super Ghouls 'N Ghosts- We couldn't agree on anything, so I am going to combine a few things and say that we ditch the armor and zombies get to us

Super Mario Bros.- It was near unanimous that we would die on the first level, but the first Goomba is the likely reason as to why

Super Mario Bros. 2- People were insistent that dying from initial drop does not violate in-game physics, so there you have it

Super Mario Bros. 3- Either the first pipe stops us or we die sometime on the moving stage of 1-4

Super Monkey Ball 2- We could manage the first few floors but it is inevitable we are going to fall off and die soon afterwards

Super Smash Bros.- Despite us having a handicap and items to use, we still can't get past Link

T
Tales of Symphonia- Riding on the coattails of our party, we will beat the game

Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World- I'm sure what we meant to say was that we would commit suicide for having to hang around Marta or that we would murder Marta and kind of fuck up our quest. Instead, it came out that we would beat it or die to Richter

ToeJam & Earl- Multiple thoughts:


 * We will die instantly due to some weird logic that BIGPUN presented
 * Some crazy ice cream truck man kills us
 * We beat it. We are so much better than ToeJam and Earl

Tomb Raider- We fall down the first pit

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater- We have hit an all-time low. We fall off the board immediately upon getting on it. In other words, we would keep falling off a stationary board.

Trapped- We are going to remain stuck in the first room. Who would even think about burning a finger?

Turok: Dinosaur Hunter- Multiple Scenarios:


 * We beat it
 * We get eaten by the first dinosaur
 * We are unable to do any rock climbing so we will eventually be eaten by dinosaurs
 * We are too manly to be killed by the first dinosaur so we will kill it in a battle of honor and determination, suffer extensive injuries, and easily fall prey to the second dinosaur

U
Umineko no Naku Koro ni- End of Episode 5. I can't really add anything further to that

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune- We do not survive the boat shoot-out in the beginning

V
Viewtiful Joe- Helicopters, sharks, lava, and everything else in this game are no match for us. We will succeed

W
Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos- We believe we can sit and watch the battles and we will eventually beat it

WET- Our bodies will be filled with lead immediately

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego- We do end up finding her and though most people decide to turn her in, a few let her go

The World Ends With You- We aren't lasting a week there. 3 days, 6 days max

WWE SmackDown vs Raw 2010- Our predictions go like this:


 * Wouldn't make it out of training
 * Lose shortly within first match
 * Rehearsals told us to lose
 * Script writers would make us the new badass, so we never lose
 * Squash Chavo on Superstars, feud with Hornswoggle, and get future endeavor'd
 * Lose to Cena
 * Jobbing to Triple H
 * Become a jobber and constantly introduce new gimmicks
 * Cling to an awesome wresting and reap the benefits
 * Beat up Hornswoggle

X
XIII- We aren't making it past the onslaught of people on the pier

Y
'''Yo! Noid'''- We die at the pizza-eating contest

Z
Zombies Ate My Neighbors- Even the name of Chainsaw Hedgemaze Mayhem sounds impossible. No way will we and the neighbors make it through that one alive

Former Previous Results (Stripey's Tenure)
Shadow of the Colossus- 1 colossus or earlier.

Metal Gear Solid- Ocelot or the very first room in the game

Left 4 Dead- Suicide, due to fear of zombies

Pokemon Yellow- Everyone would just about beat the game. Either that or have some fun with the females of the game ;).

Assassins Creed- We would all die at the intro.

Kingdom Hearts- Darkside would finish most of us due to poor jumping ability. either that or Kairi hahe.

Resident Evil 4- Most of us would die soon as we enter the village :(.

Final Fantasy X- We either died at the first boss in Spira. Or until the wedding. Unless your sonic, i doubt any of us can surf on cables.

Pokemon Snap- We would beat the game with relative ease.

LOZ Wind Waker- God damn forbidden fortress.

Bioshock- Most of us would commit suicide before even entering rapture

Fallout 3- We wont even make it out of the vault :(.

Mega Man Legends- We would fight through everything until we see Roll naked, then we'd die happy.

CoD4- We would all die on the first damn level.

Legend Of Zelda OOT- A lot of us were just too damn freaked out by a large talking tree to go any further. Either that or what was in the damn tree would kill us. Why does a friendly tree have a giant killer spider in it? WHY!!!

Final Fantasy VII- We are poor excuses for a SOLDIER. Most of us get shot in the head while trying to lift the 100 pound crapster sword. Either that or the guard scorpion eats us and our mothers.

Super Mario Bros- Either we fail to make it past the first pipe in Level 1-1 or we drown in 2-2. Why does a plumber have such good hops?

Pacman- A lot of us made it 4 hours. Me and a few others personally believe we could beat the game if we had the help of a few other ghost. WAKAKAKWKWKAKWKAKWKAKKKWKA

Mirrors Edge- We would fall off a skyscraper and go splat :). Besides one dude who thinks he will find a respectable career. PAH!

Guitar Hero 3- We would all win. Maybe a few of us would lose to lou

Portal- Either we become way to old. Or we fall into a pit of acid or some crazy crud like that.

Silent Hill- We die early.

Sonic the hedgehog 2- 1-1 is the end for us

The world ends with you- The world ends with us :(

Wii sports- We would get atleast 3 medals. None of us dare challenged matt though.

Final Fantasy Tactics- We all go bye bye in the beeginning.

Oblivion- The sewers is where we would meet our fate.