(4)Bowser vs (2)Kirby 2018

Ulti's Analysis
Every contest there's a match or two I feel is easy as piss to call, get it right, and I stare in shock at Board 8's consensus being almost entirely the other way on it. This was that match for Character Battle X. I spent all of 5 seconds thinking about this one.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/poll/2117-dream-division-final-kirby-vs-bowser

They had a match in 2005 where Bowser won 52-48. Close by percentage, but Kirby never threatened to actually win the match. Fast forward to today, and there was no actual reason for that gap to close. If anything, Bowser had reasons to widen it.

Let's start with Kirby. You know all those arguments made by very smart people about how the Pokemon characters were fraudulent? How they overform in 3/4ways and such? All of those same arguments apply to Kirby. Kirby isn't a fraud or anything, but he has even more reason to overperform in that style of poll than Pokemon characters, because no one actually cares about Kirby's games. He is liked because of character design, being cute, being an easy character to emoticon on forums '''[KIRBY HUGS!!!! <(^_^)>]''', and Smash Brothers. yoblazer later in this contest made a fabulous point about Samus being the #1 example of Smash Bros boosting in these contests. I actually think it's Kirby. If Smash Bros never happens, Samus still has Super Metroid and the Prime series to at least be a midcarder. What does Kirby have? Subpar platformers and Kirby Super Star? I love Kirby's Dream Land for the Game Boy and Kirby's Adventure for the NES, but those are way too old to matter for him on this site.

Now look at Bowser, whose obvious comp is Ganon. Zelda fans don't exactly love Ganon. They like him, but he's just kind of.... there. He has ugly character design and we see the fans bail on him in close matches. But Bowser? Bowser means a hell of a lot more to Mario fans than Ganon does to Zelda fans. Mario's fanbase loves Bowser. He looks cool as shit, like a dragon crossed with a snapping turtle. He has those amazing spots in the early games, his hilarity in the Mario RPG games, even more amazing spots in the 3D platformer games, he too has the Smash Bros effect like Kirby does, and oh by the way, Bowsette happened before this contest. Kirby has never once had a meme boost him the way Bowsette helped the big man out this year.

I make some 'no doubt in my mind' bad calls all the time, like L-Block > Kefka or Magus in 2005, and you guys are welcome to make fun of me all you want for those, but I have to puff my chest out a little when I'm on the right side of these things now and again. I had zero doubt Bowser was winning this, and it took all of 10 minutes for this match to be over. In 2005, Kirby put up a fight for about 20 minutes before getting worked. This year, he lasted 15 minutes and ended up losing worse than last time.

Kirby is simply not on Bowser's level, for the reasons outlined here. Simple as that, and Bowser is the better character anyway. Kirby is a one trick pony. Yeah I said it. I like the little guy, but he's no Bowser and he frankly falls behind a lot of other characters as well. Kirby isn't even the coolest guy in his own series. Meta Knight and King Dedede take those honors. Bowser is absolutely in the discussion for coolest Mario character.

The coolest thing Kirby was ever involved with, and I am 100% convinced this was intentional, was this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXzg0D-cKds

I say intentional because you cannot convince me Snoop didn't get high as fuck while playing a Kirby game when making that song. There's just no way it lines up that perfectly otherwise.

Oh, and I'd like to thank me for just being me at all times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZqrE50OOzY