Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE

Aeon Azuran, creator and of the original Board 8 RAP BATTLE, is reprising his role as host for the upcoming Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE. It will likely feature divisional and/or round robin styles of scheduling, with at most one match per week for any given competitor.

Rules and Regulations: Sign-ups can be found here
 * I'll make the battle topics for each match on an announced date and decide randomly who goes first.
 * There will be two raps each, alternating, each rap being a single post less than 12 lines.
 * If someone fails to post their rap within 24 hours of the last rap (24 hours from the creation of the topic for the first one) they forfeit the match.
 * The 24 hour voting period starts from the time the fourth and final rap is posted!
 * You can’t vote on your own match.
 * Keep player hating to a minimum.

Discussion and schedule can be found here

The Standings

 * Accurate as of Dec 20, 2007

~O.G.s~
1-0-0 Dilated Chemist 1-0-0 nintendogirl1 1-0-0 PukeInMyPot 1-0-0 Sir Chris 0-1-0 CountCrazy007 0-1-0 Crono801 0-1-0 Menji

~Sick Flow~
0-0-0 Ed Bellis 0-0-0 Curt 0-0-0 Lopen 0-0-0 TVontheRadio 0-0-0 swordsman 12 0-0-0 kirbyjump 0-0-0 Biolizard28

~Hot Fire~
0-0-0 Cokes 0-0-0 DNEA 0-0-0 pikaness 0-0-0 BBallman7 0-0-0 LiselTestify 0-0-0 Charton 0-0-0 FullMetalDealer

~Old School~
0-0-0 Aeon Azuran 0-0-0 RX7InfinitiIII 0-0-0 BesaidGuy 0-0-0 Furious J 0-0-0 Angsty Lou 0-0-0 Princess Anri 0-0-0 AlecTrevelyan006

~Bling Bling~
0-1-0 TheLastOblesik 0-0-0 Shake 0-0-0 Mega Mana 0-0-0 sonicblastpunch 0-0-0 Forceful Dragon 0-0-0 SensiShadeSlaye 0-0-0 Minipoooot

Battle 1: DC vs TLO
~The Score~

Dilated Chemist: 25 TheLastOblesik: 10

~The Raps~

Dilated Chemist Ladies and Gents, myself I present: the next step in evolution. Call me adept, the secret best kept - when it comes to rhyme execution. You're just an illusion, illegal intrusion of the blessed and the damned. A photo sham, you're gonna get cramps like a girl named Holly Graham. In my book of rhymes I commit crimes with metaphoric lines. Deaf or blind, if I have the time I could even spit in signs. I'll shoot your mind with rounds of audacity to blast at thee. Turn a thirty-five man calvary to Thirty-five. Dead. Casualties. I twist lyrics, together put words - so fantastically. You're in a trance if you think you stand a chance at out-rappin' DEE. SEE, when I'm done your appearance will have changed drastically. That's what happens to those who **** around and try to battle me!

TheLastOblesik You talk evolution but here comes a mutation TLO will soon be giving DC constipation I come full force cause man I ain't messing I may be an illusion but beat you can keep your ass guessing If you call yourself a Chemist then your flow will have to wait Go back to your kinetics and work on your work rate I'll be rising in the fire and you wanna talk photos? Stop. Your rhymes are so fake you spit worse than Photoshop You claim you got the book but man I pack a tome To eradicate you army and take it to your dome Use your illusion son, the win ain't yours to have Stop wasting my time man, get your ass back in the lab

Dilated Chemist Don't worry, folks - I'm takin' nothin' he says to the heart. I'm just goin' to print out his raps and tear that **** apart! Where do I start? You came lame and came weak... you're the last obsolete. When my lines shine on your screen they'll leave you blind for a week! You dance to the wrong beat and you strung the wrong cord. You'd be better off not replyin' and hidin' your keyboard! From smokey lungs to tips of tongues, I spit the sick **** like mucus. TLO you couldn't 'strike back' even if you were George Lucas! Cause my words hit harder than any punch you can deliver. Deteriorating your health quicker than the effect of liquor on the liver! I don't mean to bicker but son you've just been defeated. Your rhymes are so whack your computer tries to delete it!

TheLastOblesik Son I expected better but you ain't instigating Tonight you'll be the one for elimination Don't hate on my keystyle cause where are you going? It's not my fault you spent all night strokin DC thinks he gots TLO one and done But strike me down and I've become more powerful than I've become Have you learned from the lab? Are you a true chemist? Nah your rhymes are weaker than the Phantom Menace Time to take you to the arcades for the Final Burn Cause like Episode 6 son I will return Let the truth be told and just so your knowing Make like H and O gas and start DEEcomposing

Battle 2: PIMP vs CC007
PukeInMyPot defeats CountCrazy007 by disqualification.

Battle 3: Chris vs Crono
Sir Chris defeats Crono801 by disqualification.

Battle 4: Menji vs ngirl
~The Score~

Menji76: 0 nintendogirl1: 22

~The Raps~

Menji76 1...2...3... Nintendogirl is not ready for me. Girls don't play games but I do They should be in the kitchen makin' my fondue I'm Menji the one, and only People take one look and know you're phony Bet ya didn't even know Playstation was made by Sony You put Nintendo in your name but Super Mario is only a game I bet you thought eating those flowers Would give you fire powers But they didn't and as you cowered you were rained on by my rap shower.

nintendogirl1 17 hours and you came up with that? What were you doing, you chauvinistic prat? I should be in the kitchen, I don't know how to game? You're trying to rate me by an internet name? Well I got a message so in the future you know, You can't mix me up with some other dumb ho. I got more skills, an' I have made more kills, On any FPS than you've worked supermarket tills, 1,2,3, so you learnt to count I see, But go back to school you need lit-er-a-cy. So have another go kid, I'm waiting right here, Ngirl is waiting and she ain't got no fear.

Menji76 Take it easy, I've been gone all day I'm not BK, you can't have it your way And what's with the questions? It must be a disease Acting like it'll infect your intestines. ***** please. That rap was something you'd hear out fishin' Your granpda would say, sit back and listen And teach me about an FPS you're not my teacher, this ain't a test So chill, sit back, relax and don't fret that I ruined your plan You're not Lex Luthor, but I'm Superman.

nintendogirl1 Gone all day? What a great excuse. We all know you were hiding in the refuse. That must be why you stank it up so bad. A rap like that makes the rank feel sad. And Superman, are you delirious? Try Lois Lane if you are serious. But I don't need to be anybody else, 'Cos I can kick your ass just being myself. Stop asking questions? Just answer a few, Don't cower about like that scum LeFou, It went down to the wire, now face the fire, 'Cos I just built you a damned good pyre.

Battle 5: Curt vs Bio
~The Score~

Curt: 8 Biolizard28: 11

~The Raps~

Curt This battle's gonna be a lyrical catasrophe, at least When I'm done, you'll resemble what's left of the middle east Each bar I tack on as I progress oozes with finess Bio tries to imitate this--without any success I've never rapped to the mentally challenged, I'll do it again later From what I hear this guy's a ******, he can be my translator My rhymes bring money, my pockets are about to erupt We can see what his talent brings, he was just declared bankrupt He'll use his library's computer to hate on me cuz he's broke it won't work, cuh, your games weak--while I'm strong as an oak. The way I figure you be easy--'an I've got a hunch: My first shot's so strong, I won't even need a second punch

Biolizard28 So the Legend arrives, thought he'd be a no show Waitin' on him like the court waits for Godot But in this court, I'm the prosecution Just like my rhymes, you await execution You call this match a lyrical calamity But your rap, it's a crime against humanity I'm poor, ******ed, and you're all it? Your just like Lopen, all you do is talk **** I'd sooner emulate E.T than your style My rap must be X, cause yours was Vile That second punch lookin' good right now? Bring it, cause my counter's gonna tear you down

Curt It's good you respect the Legend, but you're lucky I decided to show; but the only way you'd beat me in court is with your mom's quid pro quo You think your sorry ass could ever bring me to execution? Let's turn the tables an' give you some divine retribution That means I'm God an' your the dirty devil, sorry you called? Cuz' I'm here to smack yo' ass back to the hell from which you crawled. You think I talk ****? you must be having anxiety hysteria Cuz everything that comes from your mouth is like explosive diahrrea I'm like the second coming, walkin' on water aint no magic; Each step is keepin you drownin, sad that no one finds it tragic. But, at least you get to feel a bit like jesus on the inside; Cuz you know as well as he did, that you just got crucified.

Biolizard28 The Legend used RAP. Not very effective I'm gonna make you wish you stayed on the defensive You call yourself a God, but it's time to face facts Cause I'm sure even Buddha could do better then that If I am the Devil, then you're all mine Cause I'll drag you to Hell like you drag out your lines I think we've heard about enough testimony As far as legends go, your nothing more than a phony Your ego is huge, your beat is lame As a parting gift, let's play a little game. I'll be Ronald Reagan, you the Berlin Wall There stands a legend, watch as he falls

Battle 6: Lopen vs kirby
~The Score~

Lopen: 15 kirbyjump: 20

~The Raps~

Lopen I don't know who this is, go grab a name tag. And hey, while you gettin it, find you a paper bag. Oh what's that, your name is kirbyjump? One look at you, I woulda guessed you was a Kirby dump. Find that paper bag, dump? Now we load you right in it. You thought you was rappin? You got a better role as ****. Now you wait in that bag, I almost forgot my torch. Don't worry bout this battle, you look better on O' Malley's porch. I light you ablaze with this rap, and man, it be rank. Leave you for O' Malley to stomp like a Halloween prank. I see you done the big damage, just ruined O' Malley's shoe. When he scrapes you off, rap with him, cuz I'm done with you.

kirbyjump I’m rapping against a user obsessed with **** And the joke got stale; you didn’t know when to quit Burning bags of crap, what a juvenile prank And just like O’Malley’s shoe, your rap stank Don’t know who I am? Well get it through your head I’m the greatest thing to grace this world since sliced bread And just like bread I’m gonna cut you down to size It’s gonna come quick so don’t close your eyes You’re a two-bit hack well past your prime Every post you make is a first-degree crime If this is all your bringing, this round’ll be a cruise My BOLD PREDICTION for this rap…you lose

Lopen A BOLD PREDICTION but you ain't got the conviction Your benediction is all up to my jurisdiction Say I'm obsessed with ****? It's called topicality I'd talk about yo momma, but you was born through babality Elephant took a ****, and Johnny Cage was the diminisher He dropkicked Liu Kang, then missed with the finisher Left with a little pile now, look it's baby kirbyjump Draw the eyes and add the smi-- nope, still a stinkin lump You a disgrace to yo namesake, your only use is for farmin Only time you absorbin powers... is when you touch the Charmin All stumped kirbyjump? Then spare us yo prattle Forfeit, submit, time to end this rap battle

kirbyjump Why should I submit to the one trick pony The two-bit hack, the great big phony You call me fertilizer? Well I’m the Grade A **** With what’s comin out of your mouth you could fertilize with spit I guess you didn’t realize, but this ain’t a toilet, it’s a rap But it don’t really matter since you took a great big crap And it’s just about time to flush you down Before the stench from your rap starts to spread around So let me tell you a secret: you don’t stand a chance If this rap battle were a war there’s no doubt that you’d be France So it’s over, you’re finished, and that’s what’s up Oh and the cure for your obsession: 2 girls, 1 cup

Battle 7: Aeon vs Wigs
~The Score~

Aeon Azuran: 10 WiggumFan: 19

~The Raps~

Aeon Azuran Welcome to the RAP BATTLE -- Insert Coin to Play You’ll blow through yo quarters against Double A I’m a ghost and you’re cornered with no power pellet Defeat’s in the air so thick you can smell it I’m the host, the master, you’re weak and you’re bloated Each game we play’s fixed, all the dice are loaded Your next post will be destroyed, you’ll be owned with aplomb Drop rhymes so hard you’ll think you got set up the bomb -- I’m the most explosive rapper that you’re likely to meet So turn the WiggumFan to “high” or it might overheat And sweat it out so much that at the end of the day When I’m through with Wigs he’ll need another toupée

WiggumFan Here begins the saga of the match against the teacher A cop to creature showdown of this epic double feature Let me spell it it out for you, the founder of this game. You'll go down in history, the first victim of my fame. Your rhyming's more off balance than Yao Ming dancin' limbo, You call yourself an Aeon, but I don't even see Yojimbo. While I'm crushing you with my rhymes of endless stature, You'll be layin' goose eggs, cuz you're no Billy Hatcher. So if you think I'll be sweating at the end of this here fight Then you'll be explodin', babe, when I rap my dyna-might! They call me Wigs, and I'm gonna show you why today, Cuz you're in my wig store now *****, and you've got no way toupée!

Aeon Azuran Listen to the teacher 'cause class is back in session Watch close as I school you with one last lesson Kick yo ass so hard the only fame ya get’s infamy Got the world’s smallest violins here in symphony To eulogize your thrashing up against the masta. With yo flow so slow I think molasses passed ya You try to impress me with an FFX reference But my stomach’s iron and I eat that **** for breakfast. When I’m rappin so ill I decimate yo frail swill Just shilled a billion gil for Yojimbo’s one hit kill And when you’re in pieces Double A don’t refrain From spitting on your face and desecrating yo remains.

WiggumFan Your rhymin's so off-kilter, I see people holding pickets, You don't even get violins, but you do get tons of crickets. Tell me once again Aeon, how you won't lose your turf, When you try to teach a Magikarp exactly how to Surf. You think you're a great teacher, but you're really just the pits Cuz the only thing that you taught me is you occasionally eat ****. You may pay a billion gil for Yojimbo's crazy lotto, But you get blotto, usin' my motto: Just 1 gil to land Zanmato! I hope eating FFX didn't give you indigestion, Cuz you're sick enough already, from your rap and your reflection. So in our final battle, seems you failed to stay alive. Now you need a Phoenix Down, and I've maxed my Overdrive!

Battle 8: TV vs swordsman
~The Score~

TVontheRadio: swordsman 12:

~The Raps~

TVontheRadio This is TVontheRadio, signin' on A sign for the swordsman to surrender, be gone Coz once the **** hits the fan and the weapons are drawn You gonna come up short, son. CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS! HOLD IT! Wait a minute! I'm not done with you yet! I'ma just gettin' started and you're startin' to sweat?! Let me set the record straight, don't need to hear you fret A reset in the battle and NO SHOW's your best bet! And I c wut u did thar, Curt. You think you are the ****? OH MY GOD, everybody look! A walking piece of ****! Did I just forget something? No, I don't think that I did... I already won this match and then I shut down Curt's lid.

swordsman 12 TVontheRadio? More like teehee, that was lazy yo. I pity thee, you’ll plea to me “hey, don’t tase me bro!!” With my slick flow, this **** will hit you harder than a zerg rush I don’t need more pylons, my rhymes are ultras and they’ll grind you to mush You think this match is over? To that I have an OBJECTION! My rap is so hot it’s givin’ you an erection It isn’t your lines that are makin’ me perspire You rhymed **** with ****, lessons are what you require Like a true swordsman, I’ll cut your verse into pieces Then I’ll turn around and show you how hard challenging me is Now you’re dissin’ on curt, what’s up with that? This is our fight, you’re the sandbag and I’m a homerun bat.

TVontheRadio I'm the judge, you're in my court, your ****ty flow's the evidence OBJECTION OVERRULED, sport! Servin' you the death sentence! I got everybody guessin' why I dissed on Curt Reason's simple, ain't no riddle, swordsman ain't worth dirt Hurt's, don't it? Let me stroke it! My dick's erect? Why don't you choke on it?! Soak in it! Spit words like "teehee"? TV's gonna have to choke a ***** I can rhyme **** with **** and it won't do you any better Sky high above the rules, INSTANT WIN like MASS CARRIERS Go ahead and turn around, you suckin' can't get you off You'll like it when I stab you with my "sword" and taste my "smirnoff" A homerun bat? I'll play with you and I've got time to plan You're just a ****in' tool, kid, and I'm the goddamn Batman!

swordsman 12 Objection overruled? That’s impossible! Rappin’ against TV is cruel, I’m unstoppable! Think you can win by using mass carriers? You’re gonna be more shocked than Mike Vick’s pit terriers! I aint worth dirt? I see you underestimated me You were KO’d in the first round, clearly it’s my victory Think you’re Batman? You’re absolute crap, man Impersonation like that is enough to get you insta ban’d! Think you’ll play with me, kid? Well playtime is over My rap is the equivalent of Cliffs of Dover You shoulda known better than to mess with me I’m Sephiroth, you’re Aeris, now R.I.P.

Battle 9: BBall vs Lisel
~The Score~

BBallman7: LiselTestify:

~The Raps~

BBallman7 You say you don't know me, let me give you a tour I got more skills than you homey, and people like me more. And maybe you're thinkin, "why don't people like me for?" Even though Sess was rippin on you a few nights before. Cuz my rhymes are designed to be defined as useful, And when that line finds your eyes, it will blind your pupils, If that's a crime then I, will try to braille my insults.

Cuz this is not a battle, or a war of attrition, It's not even a mission, if you think it is you're just wishin. I gotta hold back just to keep out of prison. Do you know why? Cuz they got laws against what I could do to LiselTestify

LiselTestify I'm glad that you're proud that people 'like you more' I guess no one let you know this is a 'message board' and even if you think Sess won that fight Unlike you, I had sex with a girl last night You were playing with your B-Balls, watching Total Recall I hate to battle you this hard but I show no 'mer'cy at all

I hope this aint a battle or you will have to be afraid I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi and BBallman's a French maid Even if I hold back you're gonna hafta struggle Your style's more cartoony than the movie Kung-Fu Hustle You might play the courts but I will testify That BBallman will never be as trill as I

BBallman7 That made my eyes sore, and my ears weep for Jesus, I'd rather sleep with a whore, and get some unknown diseases, Side affects from your verses worse than drugs bought off street kids, Diarrhea, loss of hair, and possible anal leakage. My rhymes are cartoony but yours are nursery pieces, And I got laid last night, your mom was my priestess. We roleplayed for hours, I'll give you a thesis, She said "if you were Lisel's father, he might have achieved ****." Cuz this ain't a ****ing picnic or a day at the beaches, It's a ****ing battle, you can't win if you're speechless. My words are like bullets, your knife isn't needed, And if you do get a gun, I got my telekinesis.

LiselTestify Not bad, bro, but I'll change the subject a little bit I just found your rhymes in the toilet; After I took a **** I'll diss you like the 1800's; BBallman you a nitwit Can't handle that? I'll pull my strap, my gun is sayin 'click click' You're a less popular version of yazzy, Your rhymes just seem too spazzy, and you're dressed like a hobo while my threads are so snazzy No hard feelings I just gotta tell it like it is; I'm Snap, Crackle, and Pop. . . You're barely a fizz I just heard the good news and I don't wanna spoil it, But you got your sister pregnant from jerkin' on the toilet So from your verse it sounds like my flow almost did you in I'll let the voters finish it; Lisel ftw

Battle 10: DNEA vs Dealer
~The Score~

Do not even ask: FullMetalDealer:

~The Raps~

DNEA Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent gets a bye for I suck at rapping - really, no lie. I'm the new Vanilla Ice, 'cept I'm whiter than white. I'll get crushed within the millisecond of this rap fight. My knees are buckling, and my body's shakin', if you didn't know better, you'd swear it was earthquakin'. I'd get out a white flag, but my white underwear's been soiled. Now I'll be boiled alive, for my escape plan's been foiled, I now ask "Oh why, oh why did I enter this hell?" "Because you're a masochist," you succinctly tell. And I've now have no finisher, to this "rap"... Ah, what the hell, I always knew I'd do like crap.

FullMetalDealer DNEA you’ve sold yourself far too short Even for a loser, you’re a horrible sport How's it you’re so skilled but gave hope? I know you’re a lot better; you’re not this dope I’m nothin’ to admire, nothin’ to praise Nothin’ to desire, nothin’ to amaze But man, if you be treatin’ yourself like dirt Just damn, I can’t even lay down the hurt Tournaments are mistaken, lost ‘n found Combatants are forsaken, tossed around There’s no need for you to drop down dead This battle ain’t over, you heard what I said!

DNEA

FullMetalDealer

Battle 11: pika vs Charton
~The Score~

Pikaness: Charton:

~The Raps~