Kleenex Facts

Kleenex Facts are discoveries and observations made about KleenexTissue50. The first facts were posted by neonreaper in September of 2008.

Facts discovered by neonreaper

 * If you conversationally offered Kleenex five thousand bucks to blow you, he'd say no. He's not into guys! But if you have a bag with the cash in it....


 * Kleenex doesn't believe The White Stripes is really only two people. Who plays bass? Same thing with Local H, but he probably hadn't thought about them for ten years until this post.


 * Every time Kleenex is putting something together and has to use a Phillips head screwdriver, he thinks "man I really should look up why this is called 'Phillips'," but he never thinks to do it when he's done.


 * Instead of leaving the salt-shaker cap unscrewed as a prank, Kleenex would simply unscrew the cap, dump all the salt on the floor under the table, and put the salt shaker back on the table.


 * One time Kleenex was at the Ponderosa restaurant. He picked up a bowl, put it under the handle at the soft serve ice cream machine, and pulled the handle down. He looked around and noticed the salad bar and wondered if salad bars make a profit or not. He looked down and noticed he put the bowl under the wrong spot and he had filled the spill area with chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream. "God almighty!" he chuckled.


 * If Kleenex puts in 75 cents into the vending machine and his Milky Way gets stuck, he just walks away. Don't you get in trouble for banging and shaking those things?


 * Kleenex can't remember exactly what his shoe size is. 10? 10 1/2? He always has to try on two pairs of shoes at the bowling alley.


 * As a boy, Kleenex really enjoyed recess.


 * When Kleenex dreams about winning the lottery, he also worries about people calling him from charities, asking for money. He wants to be a nice guy but what fun is winning the lottery if you constantly get reminded that some people can't afford clothes? "Maybe I'll give a little bit to some inner city education thing, and a veteran's fund" and that seems about right to him.

Facts discovered by Ed Bellis

 * Kleenex once downloaded the complete filmography of Federico Fellini over one very confused, drunken weekend.


 * Kleenex nursed a secret addiction to Icy Hot in the summer of 2005.


 * Kleenex once made a Firefox extension that would tell you "You're doin' swell!" every fifteen minutes.


 * Every so often Kleenex likes to turn his computer monitor off and type by instinct only.

Facts discovered by sonicblastpunch

 * kleenex mistakenly spent two whole years livin inside the video game sammy sosa high heat baseball 2001 because it was so real


 * kleenex refuses to drink tang because he remembers hearin someone say it tastes like fish


 * kleenex once courted a lady by handin her a deck of magic the gatherin cards and then askin if he could tap her land sometime she rebuffed his offer but he still thinks it was pretty clever


 * every so often when kleenex goes to the supermarket he accidentally buys a big box of crackers with the unsalted tops instead of the salted tops but he eats them anyway because it wouldn't be worth all the fuss and muss of goin back to the store and explainin that he grabbed and purchased the wrong box of crackers

Facts discovered by Gwindor

 * Once, when he was little, his mother paid for himself and a friend to ride an elephant at the zoo. He was too scared to ride, so his friend got to ride twice. His mother scolded him for wasting her money.


 * Kleenex had a model railway set growing up. Instead of pretending that he was a passenger or conductor, he always pretended that he was the CEO of the railway, even though he didn't know what a CEO was. This was because he didn't like trains very much.


 * Kleenex always closes his eyes as he takes someone's picture.

Facts discovered by Aeon Azuran

 * Kleenex remembers what he had for breakfast well after he's forgotten what he had for lunch. He wonders if it is connected to his trouble telling different deli meats apart.


 * Once a man on the street asked Kleenex for some change. Instead of a dollar bill he handed the man a twenty by mistake, and asked for it back. Kleenex felt vaguely guilty about this for the rest of the day.


 * Kleenex hates modern dance, but secretly wants to learn how to waltz.