Yesmar ranks every GameFAQs Contest Match Ever: 633-450

In December 2009, Yesmar began an ambitious project in ranking almost every GameFAQs Contest Match to have ever taken place up to that point (from Summer 2002 to Winter 2009). A massive 633 (though it actually came out to 638) matches were included in the countdown, and this is the first part.


 * Continued in: Yesmar ranks every GameFAQs Contest Match Ever: 449-300

Yesmar's Intro
''Ok, to start off I will say that to my knowledge there have been 638 contest matches (counting the 2009 Bonus Match.) However, when I copy my final list into a spreadsheet I only come up with 633. I have gone through every contest trying to figure out which 5 I'm missing, but I come up with nothing, so I'll just start at 633 and add in the extras later. Oh, and I'm not listing any of the Bonus matches here either, except for 2009's.''

''I have tried not to be biased in my ranking except in the case of matches I was not present for, which I might end up being unnecessarily harsh on due to obvious reasons. I have been here since the first contest, so the number I haven't been around for is very few. And I am naturally opposed to four way matches, although I've tried to be as fair to the last three contests as I can be.''

633-600
633. Pac-Man Vs. Kyo Kusanagi (2002) R2

Pac-Man 62.84% 32607  Kyo Kusanagi 37.16% 19282  TOTAL VOTES 51889  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Pac-Man_vs_Kyo_Kusanagi_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=980 

Ah, the worst Contest Match of all time! Which to select? There are a wide variety of matches to choose from, especially from the South Division in 2002. It can not be repeated enough how completely horrendous this division was, and this match serves as a great example.

While some might say the fact that it's a second round match should prevent it from being listed so low, I say the fact that it *was* a second round match is exactly why it's at the bottom. Let's count how wrong this fact is on a variety of levels:

A) "Kyo Kusanobody cares" somehow won a match to get to this point B) A 1 Seed was somehow barely able to break 60% on a character from the King of Fighters series (I don't care that he's the main character; KoF was still dead when this match took place) Hell, Pac-Man was probably pulling sub-60 updates at some point during the night before the day vote kicked in. 3) Somebody who was barely able to break 60% on Kyo Kusanagi then made the SWEET SIXTEEN. I can not tell you how wrong that makes me feel. 4) 36% of bracketeers thought that Pac-Man would lose to *Goemon,* *Kyo,* or *Abe.* What.

So, for such ineptitude displayed on so many different levels I have no choice but to declare this the worst match of all time.

632. Max Payne Vs. Dirk the Daring (2002) R1

Max Payne 76.17% 38707  Dirk the Daring 23.83% 12109  TOTAL VOTES 50816  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Max_Payne_vs_Dirk_the_Daring_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=959 

Another one of the worst matches of all time, and here comes another one from the accursed South Division. Really, this match is hilarious in a lot of ways. For one, Max Payne somehow managed to get 76% on someone; that's just amazing. Not only that, but he had one of the highest prediction percentages of the first round. Over 90% of the bracketeers had him advancing, which given his competition is not surprising. Speaking of which, what the hell did Dirk do to get in a contest anyway? No surprise that this had the lowest amount of votes of any contest match ever. Who cares about either of these two characters?

631. Duke Nukem vs. Iori Yagami (2002) R1

Duke Nukem 62.72% 33160  Iori Yagami 37.28% 19714  TOTAL VOTES 52874  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Duke_Nukem_vs_Iori_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=945 

Yay, we finally move out of the South Division! But unfortunately, we're still in the fodder land that was the early part of 2002. Like the Pac-Man match this also features a well-respected character sucking it up against a King of Fighters character, and by almost exactly the same amount percentage wise. For all of those keeping track at home, this means that there were more King of Fighters characters in 2002 than there were Zelda characters. Just to put things in perspective. Nothing much else to note about this match, other than I remember Ulti thinking Iori was a woman when he recapped it years later, leading to a humorous reply by Amazing Telephone. I won't repeat it since it probably won't seem funny out of context, but trust me, it was.

630. Ada Wong vs. Jade (Fall 2006) R1

Ada Wong 75.89% 74498  Jade 24.11% 23669  TOTAL VOTES 98167  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Ada_Wong_vs_Jade_2006  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=2500 

Really Ceej? By 2006 you should have known better. Speaking as one of the people who had always wanted to see a Female Contest, the Female Bracket might just be the worst gimmick in Contest history. First of all, it was added in as part of the normal contest, which nobody calling for it actually wanted, and then as if getting rid of popular male characters wasn't bad enough, the bracket didn't even have that many popular female characters (And trust me, there are plenty of FF chicks and women from other series who could have made it in over some of the crap who did) Case in point. These 2. Now I know we are not so hard up in the VG world when it comes to females that we had to resort to making a match featuring Ada Wong and a Jade who is probably not even the most popular character with her own damn name! Not to mention this wasn't even close and somehow not even the last time Ada Wong got the equivalent of 75% on someone named Jade in a match. I mean, look at who was in this match, when it took place and you have every reason why this is in my bottom 5.

629. Scorpion vs Kazuya Mishima (2002) R1

Scorpion 71.01% 42327  Kazuya Mishima 28.99% 17282  TOTAL VOTES 59609  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Scorpion_vs_Kazuya_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=958 

And so SFF first rears its ugly head. Or maybe not, who knows? It's not like Kazuya's ever coming back. Scorpion probably overperformed a tad in this match due to fighting game SFF, but Kazuya's probably pretty weak already if his other fighting game compatriots in 2002 are any indication. The only thing worse than one boring fighting game character stuck in a match he can't win, is one stuck in a match against another fighting character, although at least this match ensured us that we could get rid of one of the endless supply of fighting game characters that seemed to pop up everywhere in 2002, although the match essentially accomplished nothing else. Of all fihgting games, Marvel vs. Capcom was the only one that produced some decent competition, but sadly none of the characters appearing in that game found their way into this match.

628. Pac-Man Vs. Goemon (2002) R1

Pac-Man 72.21 % 41150 Goemon 27.79% 15839 TOTAL VOTES 56989 http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Pac-Man_vs_Goemon_2002 http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=956

Pac-Man shows up again. Ouch! It seems that the poor guy is either in matches that are great or which are completely awful, and this one falls firmly within the confines of the latter. Before the match with Kyo, this was our first inkling that Pac-Man might not be as popular as we thought he was. Failing to triple Goemon spelled out a lot of trouble down the road, but hey, at least Goemon got to show his face in a contest at some point.

627. Dante Sparda vs. Q*Bert (2002) R1

Dante 70.01 % 40745 Q*Bert 29.99% 17453 TOTAL VOTES 58198 http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Dante_vs_Q*Bert_2002 http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=951

Another match, another huge disappointment. Dante actually had higher odds going into 2002 than some of the future Noble 9 did (Possibly just Crono, IIRC), so there was quite a bit of excitement as to how well he would do, and Crono/Dante was one of the most hyped and discussed matches prior to the start of the contest. While the match was still discussed after this match, Dante was looking a hell of a lot worse. Q*Bert was one of the "icons" that made into 2002, but even then we knew he wouldn't be worth anything. But still, Dante wasn't supposed to let the guy get 30% on him! What a disgrace, and a boring one at that.

626. Donkey Kong vs. Bub (2002) R1

Donkey Kong 61.26% 32602  Bub 38.04% 20016  TOTAL VOTES 52618  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Donkey_Kong_vs_Bub_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=943 

What the hell was with Donkey Kong in 2002? First he goes and does this, and then he almost loses to....Well, that match is coming a lot, A LOT, later. While this performance wasn't considered that bad at the time, in retrospect it implies that Bub is around the level of the fodder line, which seems a little much to swallow, although recent events at Gamespot, has shown that he can get support if necessary. However, I can almost guarantee you that this match was just some 2002 weirdness and had it happened even a year later, DK comes close to breaking 70%. Regardless, what happened happened, and this would be one of the first in a string of established characters doing much worse than they should have theoretically done, back in 2002.

625. Ryo Hazuki vs. Guybrush Threepwood (2002) R1

Ryo Hazuki 71.44 % 39574  Guybrush Threepwood 28.56% 15818  TOTAL VOTES 55392  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Ryo_Hazuki_vs_Guybrush_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=949 

In the opposite of the last several matches, this match dealt with someone *over*performing against fodderific competition in 2002. Unfortunately that person was Ryo Hazuki, so no one really cares. Despite his horrible rankings in 2003 and 2004, Ryo was actually not completely awful in his first year, although he was still below the fodderline, making what Guybrush suffered in this match even more embarrassing. I'm not opposed to matches among two less popular contestants, but when you have a match like this which was never that debated and which gave the winner such a wide margin of victory (but not hilariously wide) I really have no point but to stick it at the bottom.

624. Abe vs. Kyo Kusanagi (2002) R1

Abe 42.21% 22760  Kyo Kusanagi 57.79% 31160  TOTAL VOTES 53920  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Kyo_Kusanagi_vs_Abe_2002  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=957 

Man, if the previous match featured characters nobody cares about, what would you call this one. I mean, the prediction percentage for this match is one of the most even splits in the history of the contest, so I probably should rank it a little higher, but I just can't bare to do that for a match consisting of *Abe* and *Kyo.* Neither of them ended up being *that* horrible so there's no lulz factor here. Just boredom. Despite that, this match will always hold a distinct place in my mind as this was the first Contest Match I ever got wrong. Not to toot my own horn, but back during the first contest, Ceej used to post a list on the Board of everyone who still had a perfect bracket, starting at some point during the East Division. Being on that list for a week or so is still one of my proudest achievements in this contest, and I still can't believe out of anything, crazy 2002 was one the years that I kept a perfect bracket the longest. Curse you Kyo!

623. Bowser vs. Guybrush Threepwood (2004) R1

Bowser 82.99% 61731  Guybrush Threepwood 17.01% 12652  TOTAL VOTES 74383  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Bowser_vs_Guybrush_Threepwood_2004  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=1724 

Out of all the characters from 2002 that were snubbed in 2003, only 2 returned in 2004. Those two were Guybrush and Terry Bogard, and why those two came back over others like Morrigan or Aya or Claire I have no idea (Strider should have been ineligible, so he's out.) Instead we got scrubs like Guybrush who helped produce boring blow outs like this one. Interestingly enough, with this match Bowser became one of the only non Noble-9ers to break 80% in a match, although now that we aren't stuck with company caps like in 2004, that might not happen again soon.

622. Dante Sparda vs. Ratchet (2004) R1

Dante 80.28% 59437  Ratchet 19.72% 14602  'TOTAL VOTES 74039  http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Dante_vs_Ratchet_2004  http://www.gamefaqs.com/poll/index.html?poll=1745 

Speak of the Devil, here's another one of those matches that features a non Noble 9er breaking 80%, and this was back before the more popular Dante we know today emerged, and once again it's due to a character that never should been invited back. I'm for having diverse characters be in the contest from time to time, but once you've been in once and proved how awful you are, there is no reason to come back again. Ratchet showed up in 2003 and stunk up the joint, and then was not only invited back, but invited to bring along his fellow Playstation platformer friends as well. Jak would end up being decent, but that was it, and why Ratchet has seen over twice as many contests as Jak has I can't understand.