Smurf Ranks the 32 Mario Kart Wii Tracks

Smurf completed this ranking of the Mario Kart Wii Tracks in May of 2008.

The List
 32. Moo Moo Meadows 

Why do Nintendo feel that they need to add a token farm track to every iteration? This isn't Palmer Kart. -_- I loathe Moo Moo Meadows with a passion, the only nice thing about it is the cute little cows that wander across the track around that chicane in the middle. Aside from it's boring and has an incredibly annoying final section. There's no easy way to get around that patchy green are with moles everywhere unless you have a mushroom, it's such a pain. >_< And as well as that it suffers from Luigi Cicuit syndrome in that it's just a mess online where it's near impossible to break away from the pack, firstly because it's so short and secondly because people behind you will have mushrooms and stars to get through that last area smoothly, you won't. So if you have a good ranking be prepared to lose 150 of your points if this gets chosen, which it does quite often since newbies love it because it's a great leveller.

 31. DS Yoshi Falls 

This has to be one of the worst track ideas ever. It's basically a giant ring, which would be fine if it was just that for Baby Park fun but oh no they add speed strips throughout it. So basically you go from speed strip to speed strip around a ring for 3 laps. It's as dull as it sounds. The winner will be whoever gets a bullet on the last lap. Another track that's newbie fodder. And what really bugs me is that they picked this as a DS track representative instead of Waluigi Pinball. >_<

30. Luigi Circuit

Luigi is eeriely like the first circuit in Double Dash, which unless I'm mistaken was also called Luigi Circuit. >_>

But anyway it's a fairly standard racing track and what we've come to expect from the opening track, but really it could be so much more. Remember the opening track on the original SMK? It had some nice corners, a straight with pipes and that giant graveltrap shortcut. What does this have? Nothing. It'd be acceptable if online didn't exist but man oh man this track is a massive pain online.

Like the last two it requires virtually no skill to nail down first place, you just need to be lucky in what items you get on the last lap since even the best racers won't be able to put the distance between the pack that a blue shell and a bullet won't quickly demolish. And as well it's picked so often online. It's fun because it's so chaotic and you're switching positions so much, just frustrating when you lose 8 races of rating buildup to one blue shell.

29. DS Desert Hills

I've never been a fan of desert tracks or the desert theme in any games. They always seem so boring and this one especially so. Nothing particularly wrong with it, it's got some nice looping bends and you can certainly do a lot of damage with a mushroom but generally it's a very forgetable track.

28. GCN Mario Circuit

A very so-so track, the chain chomp is kind of neat especially on the first lap where it's just bound to take down someone. Then there's the bumps around the last corner which are actually quite fun now with the addition of tricks.

And of course those goombas sleepily edging around the track just waiting for me to hurtle into them on the last corner and allow SHINE to steal my victory. ¬_¬

27. GBA Shy Guy Beach

It's a very stop-start course due to the water breaks so it's tricky to ever really get into full speed swing. And it makes me yearn for Koopa Beach on the Snes to return because regardless of how good Shy Guy beach is, it's never quite as good is it? What I will praise about the track is that it can be ripped to pieces with a mushroom, it really can. And those crabs and their irregular movements are actually very good in that they're unpredictable and tricky to avoid.

26. Mario Circuit

It's got the chomp, it's got the long winding corner. Actually it just seems like a remake of the old mario circuit which is a little dissapointing. It's not a bad track though, a nice straight and no major problems with it.

25. Daisy Circuit

Supposedly it's modelled off the Monaco F1 circuit which sounds incredibly neat on paper but it just doesn't work all that well in reality. The tunnel and the long straights are nice but the awkward rings in the centre with gravel, cones and such are just annoying. The track as a whole doesn't flow very well, and what's the ridge on the left of the home straight all about?

24. GCN Peach Beach

They've improved a notoriously dull track a little bit. Flippers are more alert, there's a new path to the left but even still it's essentially a long straight and an easy drift through the beach avoiding the current. I'm a little sick of it at this stage, it didn't really warrant a recall.

23. Dry Dry Ruins

A slightly more exciting version of Desert Hills. It's got some better areas, the tomb in particular is quite neat, bats are kind of cool and the way the tomb dynamically fills up with sand as the race goes on is nice.

22. GCN DK Mountain

Improved since the Gamcube, they've widened one of the sections of road, added ramps down the downward straight, changed boulder sizes and added barriers to the side of the beginning of the bridge. The small changes make a difference! But still is that giant cannon necessary on this track... or in any track?

21. DS Peach Gardens

One of the better DS tracks but still one of those tracks that seems awesome at first but you tire of them quite quickly. A couple of nice shortcuts throughout and maze sections are cool. overall a good track.

20. Rainbow Road

If you've ever played me online you'll know me and this track do NOT mix well. Mainly because it's so open it's just begging for everyone and their dog to smash my light kart off here, there and everywhere.

As a track, I've felt Rainbow Road has consistently got worse with each Mario Kart iteration. This one probably is the worst, it's followed on from Double Dash's obsession of those giant cannon things mixed with speed strips everywhere, and that kind of takes the fun out of it, that said this is one course that you can't just recklessly use every speed strip you see or you'll gone off the side.

Overall I think I'd find this a lot more fun if I drove a heavier kart and could compete in tussles around corners, as is it's just a massive pain for me.

19. Wario's Gold Mine

Seems to divide opinion a lot, I'd imagine it's because the swerving carts and maybe the bats too wind up pissing off a lot of people. Meh, I like this track and I don't think either of the above are particularly unfair. >_>

18. Toad's Factory

Some nice ideas here with the conveyor belts and the mud patch at the end which WILL screw you over if you don't hit those speed strips. Really against the whole theme of Mushroom Cup having very basic tracks that reward whoever doesn't get hit by a blue shell the most.

17. N64 Sherbet Land

A really suited track for a middle position. It's nice, really open and different. I like that wide swerving corner in the cave too, if you don't have a good handling kart you woun't be able to pull it off with one boost slide. =P

16. N64 Mario Raceway

It's just a raceway but it's loads of fun, what newer miss a lot of is the long straights and winding turns. What a real racetrack should have!

15. DK's Snowboard Cross

Shows off the new speed ramp thingies very nicely, also fills the void of token snow level. It's ok, I guess. It's a nice idea and certainly a track that leaves a very nice first impression. Easy to get board with though, there's not a whole lot to it other than ramps and such.

14. Coconut Mall

First time you play this it'll probably blow you away as it's the first really impressive track you'll play, it's got some real novel ideas between the escalators, winding stairways and the cars with mii's in them. And if it wasn't overplayed on online I probably wouldn't be so sick of playing it. =P

13. SNES Ghost Valley 2

The shortest track in the game and a really fun one! What they've done with the shortcut is kind of odd... but overall it's really fun to skid around. It's a tough one for beginners, it's difficult to see where you're going in terms of direction of the next turn. From a technical point of view it's probably the worst presented. Without a doubt an expert track.

12. Mushroom Gorge

This is a track that's certainly something different and special. For one most of it is spent bouncing from mushroom to mushroom For another it has the best background song in a Mario Kart game since the original rainbow road.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7C5ii-ElP8) ^_^

The bad thing about this track is that the effect of a blue shell is pretty much tripled if you're on a mushroom.

11. Delfino Square

Waluigi Pinball aside, this is the best DS track. Tight corners, bridge, nice little shortcut. There's a lot of variety here. Glad it returned!

10. N64 DK's Jungle Parkway

Never used to like this much but I LOVE it now, with the bikes and smoother cornering they bring it's now a joy to wind round the circuit, I remember some of the corners used to be so harsh that it was all too easy to steer off them and get pelted by a random monkey (gone now btw). The shortcut at the end can be both awesome and cruel, I love their sadistic nature in putting it right before the finish line.

9. GCN Waluigi Stadium

This is a track that was good on the GCN, it's much, much better here. It combines so many elements. Ramps, tricks, tight corners, traps. It's got a lot going for it. And the improvements, while slight make a huge difference. Being able to trick over speed bumps stops the slowdown that used to plague it. The ramps at the side of the long straight means thats no longer a chore and they've lengthened that near impossible final corner to make it much more managable.

8. GBA Bowser Castle 3

While I found myself a straight behind DSR and spent the rest of the race slowly chipping down his lead I appreciated just what a valued track this was. The reason? The usual tight corners I like are there, but more improtantly it's a long track that you actually stay on the track for the whole of it. There's no speed ramps or giant cannons interuppting play, nor is it very short like other GBA or SNES tracks. It's just pure racing and I love that!

7. Moonview Highway

The evolution of the city track started on the N64 was rigid and static, it improved on the GCN but cars were still somewhat infrequent. Here? It's damn near perfected. In Moonview Highway there's cars everywhere, they appear frequently and in a pattern you just can't predict. There's speed ramps everywhere and overall it's a just thrill. It feels a survival challenge primarily as you have to concentrate on not making mistakes yourself rather than trying to sabotage the opponent.

6. Bowser's Castle

If there's one thing Nintendo have never failed with it's the Bowser's Castle tracks. Every one of them have been impressive and very well designed. This one, no exception. What I especially like about it is that tricky middle section. Where you've a track with gaps in it, 2 ramps, a mud pit and a giant bowser hurling fireballs through the only part of the track that's connected. For the first time in a Mario Kart game the player just looked at the track ahead wondering "what the hell am I supposed to do here?!?!" Awesome.

5. SNES Mario Circuit 3

Nintendo need to include some more SNES tracks, they have the simpliest but sometimes best layout. Mario Circuit is simple, but if you like cornering you'll love it. No frills, just a solid track.

4. N64 Bowser's Castle

If you've ever played me you'll know I like this one just a little. =P It's easily my best track and the amount of times I've been beaten on it can be counted on one hand. But it's not the best track, although it's damn near close. It's fantastic corners, great traps and some slender bridges in between which are awesome for laying stuff to prevent people catching you. ^_^

3. Grumble Volacno

Never has there been a Mario Kart track that just doesn't take any **** like this one. Lava shoots everywhere, fireballs are hurled from the sky, flame balls dance everywhere, platforms move, the freakin land breaks apart. I really get the impression that if there was a lap 4 the entire track would be submerged in lava at that stage. It's awesome.

2. Koopa Cape

Many people's favorite and with good reason. Some very inventive ideas with the flowing stream through, the F-Zero like tube and rotating electro things and the outside part. It's all on a cliff and with the chirpy music it gives off a very summery theme to it. No doubt this will be one of the classics of Mario Kart Wii.

1. Maple Treeway

But this is THE classic. It's majestic, it's graceful, it's just beautiful. The autumn colors everywhere, the centipede things in the middle. The nice idea of leaves containing items, or the tight corners. And of course the really appropriate music. It was close, but for me Maple Treeway takes first.