Paratroopa Ranks the New SSBB Stages

Paratroopa1 completed this ranking of the new SSBB stage on the 14th of March 2008.

Disclaimer
...This will be done extremely quickly. This will be a very quick list. I'm not gonna let it take longer than tonight.

No SSBM stages in this list, no Battlefield/Final Destination either because I don't consider them new and they're too plain to rank anyway (they would rank pretty low though).

Ranking is based off of playability and fun, of course, but music is also a very big factor.

Since I haven't been playing SSBB for very long these are kinda first impressions and not a very solid ranking.

The List
29. New Pork City

Temple was the huge stage done right. New Pork City is a huge stage done completely wrong. You can't see any of the action here at all, and for being such a big stage it's really rather boring. The only thing that happens here is the Ultimate Chimera, but he's either hilariously easy to avoid or he pops up right where you are and BSes you, which is never fun. The intricate detail of this stage is cool but you can't actually see any of it.

28. Flat Zone 2

Ridiculous number of stage hazards that send you flying way further than they should, and seem to come out of nowhere, making them very hard to dodge. I also am not a big fan of the "Mushroom Kingdom" style stages where you cannot fall down, only get KOed through the sides or the air, in general. I prefer the "floating platform" stages more.

27. Green Hill Zone

For a game as fast and chaotic as Sonic, I kinda expected a more interesting stage, but this one is surprisingly generic. Not very many interesting things happening here, and it's another one of those "Mushroom Kingdom" stages. Worst music is the reason this is as low as it is though, the only decent song is Angel Island, the Genesis songs are pretty lame (were they too lazy to remaster Green Hill Zone, despite it going with the stage?), and the vocal songs make me want to hurt myself.

26. Bridge of Eldin

Pretty crappy, it's like Final Destination except MK-style, which are two things I don't like. Barely anything happens on this stage and I think it's pretty weak Zelda representation. Easily having some of the best music is the stage's only saving grace.

25. Rumble Falls

Underrated, I never did hate scrolling stages that much to be honest and I don't know why people have such a sheer hatred for them. This stage had a lot of potential, and I think for the most part it's one of the best scrolling stages in the series, but there's one little thing that makes it one of the worst instead. I'm talking about the spikes, of course. You can hardly even see them coming, but one touch and it's pretty much insta-death. wtf? I mean if they just damaged you but didn't send you that far like stage-builder-spikes do, that'd be fine, but why the hell do they send you careening off the edge of the stage like nothing? Ridiculous. Remove these and this stage jumps up like 10 spots. With them there, it's hard to take this stage seriously.

24. Mario Bros.

Literally a MK-style stage, but nowhere near as cool. I mean I like gimmicky stages like this, but the original Mario Bros. just doesn't invoke the same kind of nostalgia the other retro stages do, and this stage is really hard to fight on. It's just kind of obnoxious. I love the random medley of NES music though.

23. Hanenbow

Extremely bizarre stage. I haven't even played Electroplankton so I have NO clue what's going on here. For such a weird stage, though, it's surprisingly uneventful. There isn't a whole lot going on here. Interesting visual design, but other than that I don't really care about this stage much, the platform arrangements are a little on the annoying side.

22. Castle Siege

Not a bad stage by any means, I just never really feel like playing on it. It's not like it really feels particularly Fire Emblem related, it's just sort of a generic castle, and I guess the whole teleporting between the three different areas is sort of interesting but it's kind of an overused gimmick in SSBB and this isn't the best usage of it.

21. Delfino Plaza

What's with the lack of new music here? There's hardly any songs, and the main one is just the Delfino Plaza theme ripped directly from SMS. Not that I don't like this song but a remix would've spiced things up a lot better - same problem I have with Green Hill Zone. Other than that, I haven't really played on this stage much so I don't even think I've seen every area you can go to, it seems like an all right stage though.

20. Smashville

Not exactly an exciting stage, but that's okay, I mean I would kind of expect an Animal Crossing stage to be pretty laid back. I really dig the Animal Crossing theme here. It's fairly Final Destination-like other than that, though, so there isn't a lot to say.

19. Pokémon Stadium 2

I'm glad this isn't the only Pokémon stage because I'm getting pretty tired of this theme already and it doesn't do much to improve on the original, if anything. Seems fairly uninspired. It's fun to play on though, the different themed stages that come up here are a bit more interesting than the ones in the original Pokémon Stadium.

18. Port Town Aero Dive

This is basically Mute City but with a minor overhaul and music that isn't quite as cool. I've played Mute City to death so this stage doesn't impress me that much, but it's still cool, I mean I still like Mute City and everything. But I liked the Melee version of Mute City's theme more - hopefully it's unlockable. Somebody please tell me it's unlockable. :(

17. Skyworld

Mainly I just like this stage for the AWESOME Underworld theme, which owns your face. That makes it worth playing on this stage alone. It's a pretty bland stage otherwise but I find the breakable platforms to actually be kind of frustrating, because I always want to jump through them only to find that I can't.

16. Mario Circuit

One of the higher ranked MK-style stages, since it's way more fun than most of the others. A Mario Kart themed stage was long overdue so I'm glad to see it here. Waluigi Pinball music kicks ass here. The Shy Guy Karts coming around is a pretty good gimmick without making this stage too busy.

15. Luigi's Mansion

I like the atmosphere on this stage for some reason, it just makes it sort of a cool place to fight. I prefer the "destroying the terrain" gimmick here over Skyworld personally, this stage is also just a little more interesting in general. Tetris music is awesome but I don't really get why it goes with Luigi's Mansion. Seems pretty random.

14. Frigate Orpheon

You know, I noticed something really cool about this stage that, if I'm not missing anything, makes it completely unique to the Smash series - it's the only major element (character, stage, or something else important like that) in a Smash game inspired by something not Japanese. (This is because Metroid Prime is awesome.) This stage is pretty cool, seems like the only gimmick here is the whole stage-flipping-upside-down gimmick but it's a good one, and otherwise this is a solid stage.

13. Pictochat

The comedy option stage, I laughed when I saw this stage announced and again the first time I played it. Kind of a novelty stage, I don't really see myself playing this too often, the novelty probably wears off fast. But it's pretty awesome. Wasn't there gonna be a feature where you could draw your own designs, does that exist still?

12. The Summit

Surprisingly sweet stage. I didn't really think this stage would be that great but I was pleasantly surprised by it, the arrangement of the platforms here is pretty interesting and some cool stuff happens. It can get a little busy at times, though, sometimes it's a little hard to tell what's going on, but that's okay, it's still a really fun stage. The Ice Climbers music here is interesting.

11. Mushroomy Kingdom

Haha, this stage is weird, they took Mushroom Kingdom, updated the graphics, made it scroll through the whole level, and added a "y" to it. The best MK-style stage for sure. Like Pictochat, I consider this to be kind of a novelty stage, it's not that great to fight on but you gotta love it anyway. I sort of find the motif to be a little creepy though, it's like, all post-apocalyptic... kinda gives me the jibblies every time I see it.

10. Shadow Moses Island

I used to be really adverse to the idea of Metal Gear Solid invading Smash but I've definitely learned to live with it now (especially with Sonic coming along and being a larger target of my wrath). Snake is awesome and so is this stage. Unexpectedly enough, I think the MGS4 Love theme here is one of my favorite songs in the game, it fits really well for an epic fight. I like the uniqueness of this stage, too, without it being a novelty gimmick like Pictochat/Mushroomy. Dunno where the hate's coming from on this one. What's so bad about it?

9. Distant Planet

I probably care way more about Pikmin than like 99% of anybody here, so I am naturally very biased towards this stage. I think this stage looks more awesome than any of the others, just in visuals alone. It's so pretty. And just being a Pikmin stage means it's awesome, too. The stage elements here are pretty cool, especially the giant Bulborb just kinda coming from the side of the screen and eating people.

8. Yoshi's Island

Another theme that was WAY overdue - the Yoshi's Story theme in SSB made me sad, because I wanted a Yoshi's Island theme instead, and finally they answered my prayers. It's pretty much as awesome as I hoped, although I suck on this stage for some reason. I don't really know why. The SMW2 style is perfect here, SMW2 is awesome. The music on this stage is awesome too.

7. Norfair

I don't really know why I like this so much, but I don't really know why it's so hated, either. I mean, I guess I can understand the hatred but I think it's a blast. I kind of like stages that have threatening environmental hazards (not ones that are ridiculously cheap and unpredictable like Rumble Falls/Flat Zone though), Brinstar was always my favorite stage in SSB (maybe next to Saffron City) and it was one of my favorites again in SSBM. Norfair takes it one step further with the lava coming from the sides as well as covering the entire screen now, two things that surprised me a lot when they first happened. That battle for the tiny little safety capsule when the lava comes up can be frustrating, but it's fun anyway, really gets the adrenaline pumping like no other stage does and that makes it fun (also Metroid has the best doors and door-opening sound effect of any game ever). WTF at the lyrics in the music here?

6. Halberd

Probably a pretty universally liked stage, don't really see how you could dislike it anyway. Uses the "Mute City" gimmick quite well here I think, it's pretty sweet seeing the Halberd flying around in the background, then suddenly being on it and having that giant laser thing from KSS targetting you. Awesome environmental hazard. Of course, the real reason this stage is so awesome and ranked so high is because of this music.

5. 75m

Definitely the best gimmicky novelty stage in the game, because while it's a gimmicky novelty it's a highly playable gimmicky novelty in my opinion. While the other retro stages don't tend to be too well suited to Smash, this one's perfect for it, the platform design is intricate (but not as stupidly huge as NPC) and the stage hazards here are just hilarious. They hardly changed anything about this stage at all yet it feels like it was designed for Brawl. It's nice that they actually warn you when Donkey Kong and those springy things are going to show up, and it's pretty cool that they do it with the classic DK music. Also it cracks me up that they even have those bonus point items there, complete with their classic sound effect and 800 point bonus, even though they do absolutely nothing.

4. WarioWare, Inc.

Obviously this stage would never be any good in a serious fight, it's not even good for just a friendly duel, but as far as silly ridiculous fun goes this stage is pretty hard to beat. Yeah, it's not a very balanced stage, like I mentioned in a previous topic when your opponents all go invincible and you just get bigger it's HORRIBLE because you can't do anything, you're the only target, and you're a BIG target. They really needed to make that... better. It's only a minor gripe if don't take this stage too seriously, though, which you shouldn't. The microgames are hilarious and make for something really different to do in Brawl (and hey, finally a use for taunts). I kinda wish there were a few more different microgames though, there's like only what, 10?

3. Lylat Cruise

Not really too far removed from Venom in SSBM, yet I like this stage way more, it's a pretty basic stage but it's one of the best basic stages out there, the visuals are awesome and makes it a cool place to fight, and it has easily the best selection of music in the game, from the amazingly awesome Space Armada theme to the long overdue Corneria and Area 6 remixes, which I was DYING for in place of the boring Star Fox 64 main theme that they used twice for some reason. There isn't a lot to say about the stage's actual design, but that's fine. This is my "generic" stage of choice.

2. Pirate Ship

I must've loved Wind Waker like way more than anyone else, so while seeing this stage probably invokes horrible memories of sailing for 90% of the game and causes people to have seizures, I on the other hand really enjoy the visual design of this stage. The idea of fighting on a ship, with the crow's nest making a extra platform is a pretty inspired idea. The things that happen on the stage, with the ship getting stuck on the rock and the tornado lifting the ship into the sky, don't happen too often but are really entertaining when they do. And despite the near lack of remixed music on this stage, I <3 Dragon Roost Island too much to care. It's nice that they had the insight to choose the three WW songs actually worth listening to. Just a really great stage in every aspect and will probably end up being my second-most played stage overall.

1. Spear Pillar

And this will probably be my most-played stage overall, until I say otherwise I think this is my favorite stage in the series period. I like stages that have a basic, yet unique design, which this has, the "underground cave" beneath the stage is a really nice touch. It'd be good enough with just that but then Dialga/Palkia show up and make things even more awesome, with the most badass environmental hazards in the game. Giant lasers, time slowing down, and flipping the screen (and your controls). This stage just kicks ass. Also, the Victory Road theme fits the stage perfectly. It's about time they made another Pokémon stage that's actually based off a locale in the game, Saffron City was always my favorite stage in SSB.