(6)Commander Shepard vs (11)King K. Rool 2018

Ulti's Analysis
'''There are some Mass Effect series spoilers in this writeup. You were warned.'''

I feel like this match would have been a lot more shocking and a lot more interesting had we not literally just watched the exact same match happen with Dedede vs Ocelot two days prior. Seriously, go open this match and Dedede vs Ocelot on the gamefaqscontests updater charts in separate tabs. It's the exact same match. Just replace Dedede with King K. Rool for the plucky Nintendo underdog slot fueled by Smash hype and Ocelot with Shepard as the non-Nintendo favorite who doubles as an anti-vote magnet. King Crue-- errrrrrr, "King K. Rool" (what a freaking stupid name) opened the match with a shocking but tiny early lead, just like Dedede. He got it up to 150 votes, then Shepard fought back overnight just like Ocelot did.

Around 5 in the morning, just like last time, we got answer. It would have been in doubt had we not seen this just happen, but we all knew Shep was taking the morning vote and winning. He has more innate strength to draw from than Ocelot and one would think Rool is weaker than Dedede. Not exactly debatable here, though it's quite funny that the villain in Donkey Kong games now has his own personal contest choke under his belt. Had he pulled off this upset it would have been such a randomly awesome result.

That said, this match was 100% a referendum on just how badly Electronic Arts fucked up the Mass Effect series and how much gamers loathe that brand now. People like Shepard, but he has the sins of EA crawling on his back and paid for it big time in this poll. Not that he was going to beat Ryu anyway, but needing a morning vote boost to beat Nintendo's 87th tier is such an embarrassment given where the character used to be. We used to joke about how he was actually the best character in that Link/Draven scrap. Now we had people actively rooting for him to lose to a fat alligator with predictable super armor, in a match where almost 100% of the Rool voters were Smash fans or Mass Effect haters. No one voted for Rool because they actually like him from the DK games.

I actually disagree with the anti-Mass Effect crybabies and largely think they're a bunch of spoiled idiots who never should have been catered to in the first place, and EA changing the ending of Mass Effect 3 was a mistake. You don't deal with a spoiled POS by catering to it, be it a spoiled SJW moron, a spoiled alt right moron, an incel, a dog, or anything else. In any dog training manual not written by a positive-only dipshit, you learn "let it cry". Dogs will whine to get what they want. You train them by ignoring them when this happens, and because the types of gamers who whined over the Mass Effect 3 ending are on about the same intelligence level as a dog -- that is, the level of a 2 year old toddler -- they should have been trained in the exact same way. Ignore it until it shuts up. Whiny gamers are not people to cater to. Ever. That's how the Mass Effect 3 ending controversy got worse after EA caved, and it directly led to all of the entitled trash surrounding Andromeda. A bunch of whiny trolls and idiots killed off a fine series, and now we're sitting here watching Commander Shepard struggle to beat a reptile no one cares about in a contest. How did we get here?

Let's back up a bit. I have a platinum trophy for all four Mass Effect games, so I'm more qualified than probably 95% of people who have played those games to explain why people voted here the way they did. Back in 2007, Mass Effect dropped. It was a sci-fi adventure that most people couldn't make sense of unless they had played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. It was fun, but it was raw. It was a glitchy Mess, but it gave us some new characters we could sink our teeth into, some great storytelling, and some amazing plot twists. We were shocked that Seth Green was a voice. We were shocked at how damn cool Garrus and Tali and Wrex were. The whole thing was an incredible, albeit flawed.

And then this happens.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZitlia-u-4

Oh. Okay. Well, fuck.

Then whatever feelings that scene drew up in all of us were there for all of Mass Effect 2, and really that's where this all went wrong. Mass Effect 2 was too good, which made it impossible for 3 to satisfy people. *I* was happy with it because I'm not an entitled punk, but I want to point out that 99.9% of that game is on 2's level. Mass Effect 3 is a fantastic game, and even if I agreed with people on the ending it shouldn't ruin how good that game actually was. It's like letting a slightly premature ejaculation ruin a good night of sex leading up to it for you. It's like hey moron, you still got a girl to have sex with you. Shut the hell up and enjoy it.

As a random example, these two scenes are legendary for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7-tWBE2OEo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgcaShRyJC8

Am I supposed to let a weird ending ruin all that? I admit that we're better off not knowing the motivations of a Lovecraft villain, but am I supposed to let that one ending scene ruin an entire series? Fuck no.

"They have earned the right to try."

Nothing beats bringing Javik on every mission. That guy is such a fucking savage.

And EA never, ever, ever should have caved. It caused the nonsense with Andromeda that killed the series, unless some other developer gets to make it I suppose. I feel like my review does a decent enough job of defending the game: https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps4/168600-mass-effect-andromeda/reviews/164231

Thanks, trolls. No more Mass Effect because you liked the second game too much. And here we are. Here the bleep we are. With Shepard struggling with whatever the King is supposed to be. I get Smash hype and all, but jeez.

Three final points. I am better at Mass Effect 3 multiplayer than you: http://n7hq.masseffect.com/home/overview/?name=ultimaterializer&platform=ps3

To this day I am the #1 Geth Trooper Soldier in the world in that game. I could log on right now and within an hour have people asking me for carries in platinum.

Second, Shepard was indoctrinated. Do not @ me.

Last and most important, FemShep > a comedy voice actor's trashy acting job. People who compare Mark Meer to Jennifer Hale and try pretending Hale is worse are probably the same people who need to be told not to eat Tide Pods. They are proof that opinions can be wrong. Renegade FemShep > whatever garbage you like.

https://www.themarysue.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/femshep.jpg