Cortana's Contest History

Who is Cortana?
Who is Cortana?

Cortana is a female, purple holograph thing in Halo who tells Master Chief to do stuff. She's a glorified Navi and is totally unnecessary.

Well, Moogle, that's Cortana in a nutshell, but looking past her purple holograph exterior, we find a deep, meaningful character that helped to make the Halo franchise what it is today!

...OK, maybe not. Hell, I can't even find hentai of this chick. She really doesn't serve much of a purpose but to advance the plot, and she can throw out the occasional sarcastic quip. That, and she can be a part of some of those horrible "forbidden, impossible love" fanfictions that nerds get off to.

omg example

After a few minutes, she was stable again. No more interruptions. But something was different with her hologramic figure. Her *omg censor* seemed to jiggle as she moved, and she had *omg censor*. Another new addition was a *omg censor*. Master Chief had not seen one in a while. As she moved around, the Spartan noticed her nice curves. She seemed human...completly human.

"Woah! Whats happened to me?" she asked with a fearful voice. I FEEL....different. Something's wrong Chief... the program..." she tried to speak as her hand started to move involuntarily down her stomach and to her *omg censor*.

She was *omg censor*. She was completly *omg censor*, and it was all because of the upgrade. Master Chief was not displeased, instead, he felt his *omg censor* grow large and hard inside his armor.

As Cortana moaned from her self-infliced pleasure, Master Chief began to remove the armor plating which covered his *omg censor*. After a few seconds he pulled it out, nice and *omg censor*.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!

Seriously, that's disturbing. I mean wow, read that! It's almost as bad as that Tifa/Red XIII one...

omg actually taking this seriously now

Cortana starts off in Halo as the Pillar of Autumn's AI. Meaning she helps run the ship. Kinda like that HAL guy from that movie that I never saw, except she doesn't make you suffocate when you sleep in your pod thing. The Pillar is attacked, so Master Chief downloads her to a computer chip thingy and stuffs her into his head. Then she barks orders at him and yells things along the line of "Hey! Listen!" Sounds familiar...

...She's a glorified Navi...

o rite

Technically, Master Chief could just take her out of his head and step on the damn chip, but noooo, Bungie keeps her in to make the empty shell of a character that is Master Chief just a bit more interesting. I think. Actually, nothing can make him more interesting. Unless that was really Edgey under that helmet. That would be badass. I bet Ulti would totally play the game if that were the case.

Hmmmm.... what else does she do? Oh yeah, at one point MC has her disarm a bomb. Then he downloads her into an alien spacestation so she can open doors for him (*cough*Zelda*cough*), and... in the Halo 3 trailer she speaks in a creepy voice about some crap that nobody cares about because nobody plays Halo for the plot.

omg that wasn't serious at all

omg I say omg too much

"Bet you can't stick it!" - Cortana

(Writeup courtesy of ZenOfThunder)

Cortana's Contest History
Win-Loss Record: 0-1

Summer 2006 Contest - Aeon Division - 5 Seed
 * Aeon Round 1 --- Lost to (4) Joanna Dark, 39944 [39.77%] - 60488 [60.23%]
 * Extrapolated Strength --- 60th Place [13.42%]

For a little while, Joanna vs Cortana was a debated match. Then people realized that Navi manages to be a better character than Cortana and stopped arguing. The only good thing to come of Cortana's first contest appearance was Joanna getting her first contest win.