Tom's Mercs Fanfic

A repository for anything Tom Bombadil may or may not write about his experiences in Mercenaries 3.

The madness begins
On a lonely road, a small group of people are seen walking. The foremost is a short, chunky young man, hunched over slightly as he schlumps along. He's accompanied by a moderately cute girl in an exotic outfit, an energetic jock, and a...little pink ball? The young man kicks a rock dejectedly. "Man," mutters Tom, "kicked out of my parents' basement by my own mother! How does it get more pathetic than that?"

"To be fair," Atoli answers, "the fact that she actually wants rent is a bit unreasonable from a Merc Leader, especially one with....well, it would be hard even for a successful Leader..." Ralf picks up as Atoli trails off. "MAN! What an unreasonable *****!  You shoulda let me PUNCH her in the FACE!"

Tom scratches his head. "Uh...you do realize we're talking about my mother here, right? I mean, I still love her and she's still family...even after she kicked me out and said all that stuff about my being a disgrace to the family and embarrassing to have around...." Tom looks even more downcast than before, and Atoli fidgets awkwardly as the other two march onward in high spirits. "At any rate, we need to find a new home base for the crew, but first, we gotta do something to jumpstart this team. Let's see who's for hire today and then troll around for some new digs."

~

The town square was filled with leaders bustling around, jockeying for position. Good mercs today, then. Tom and Atoli both blanched a bit at the crowd, Tom shuffling a bit towards Atoli, and Atoli shuffling a bit away. Ralf charged headfirst into the crowd and was immediately lost, Kirby trundling behind him. Tom turned to Atoli. "We've got a decent fund scrabbled together, right? Let's go throw it at somebody!  There's a big crowd over there...we'll start with that."

It took a bit of effort for the rather puny duo of Tom and Atoli to muscle their way to where they could see the source of the commotion, but when they did, it all made sense. A girl named Terra was showing her stuff, casting powerful magic to the delight of the swarm of potential clients. Atoli's eyes sparkled. "Wow, boss! She's so cool!  She's so pretty!  Let's get her!  Maybe I can be like that someday if I can train with her!" "For you, I will hire anyone, dear..." Tom gave his best suave smile, but Atoli didn't even hear him over her own gushing- probably for the best anyway. Tom reached for his coinpurse, but then he caught wind of some of the bids being thrown around like candy. "Uh...Atoli...I...I think this auction's a bit rich for our blood...." Atoli looked crestfallen, but she was quite possibly the only one with an actual grasp on the team's finances, and knew it would be a bad idea to argue the point.

The pair continued onward. "Look, boss, there's somebody over there without too much competition! It says his name is Strider...." Tom sized up the mysterious man. "Nah." "But boss, I hear he gets lots of respect!" "Nah." "We could get him for cheap!" "Nah." "He'd fit well into the team dynamic!" "Nah." "Well....why...why not?" "No girl parts."

Atoli paused, a bit dumbstruck that Tom would even consider that, much less vocalize it, but then, as much as he hit on her, it wasn't exactly a surprise. Tom had already wandered off to another big clump. "Ne, boss...this Alyx girl is kinda cheap, and you've talked about wanting somebody with a little range..." "Yeah, but without a dog, what's the point?" "She's got a pistol that ca-" "NO DOG NO TOMBOLO." Tom was staring intently at another Merc...Lara Croft. "Oh, another good option, boss! She'd be even better as a gunner..." Tom scratched his goatee quizically. "Y'know...I could hire her and make that the standard uniform....for the girls, of course." Atoli stammered. "B-but....boss! I...I'm a mage!  I don't need that kind of mobility, I need...coverage!.............And please stop sizing up my butt!" Tom returned his gaze to Lara. "I dunno, I think you'd look cute in it...." "That skin-tight, slinky thing? I mean...even if it did help me in battle, I'd be way too embarrassed to be seen!  Although...maybe....if Ralf-sama was there...." Atoli trailed off into lala-land, blushing profusely. Tom blinked. "Hey, where did that guy get to, anyway?"

It was about that time that a commotion erupted from another part of the market, sounding like people yelling about a fight. Tom and Atoli looked at each other for about half a second, then both rushed off towards the fight.

~

As they'd expected, it looked like Ralf was about to fight some...kangaroo....thing. Ralf grinned at his teammates' approach as Kirby bounced around excitedly. "HEY, boss man! This guy looked like a fighter, so I'm gonna kick his ass!" Tom facepalmed. "Hey, suit yourself. Just don't get hurt." The crowd clamored around offering bets. "10 GP on the kangaroo!" "15 on Roo!" "2 on Ralf!" "50 on Roo!" Tom shook his head, and emptied his purse to put forth his own bet. "30 on Ralf!" Ralf turned and gave an appreciative grin and thumbs-up...but by that time, the bell had rung. Roo charged in and hit a rabbit kick, sending Ralf flying. Angered, he found his feet, and charged the GALACTICA PHANTOM. Atoli screamed her lungs out in encouragement, but Tom just rubbed his head, suddenly feeling very tired. Ralf let the PHANTOOOMMM fly.....and Roo simply ducked before countering with a leaping uppercut. Ralf toppled to the ground as Kirby and Atoli rushed to his aid. Tom shook his head as he helped Ralf up. "Y'know what? This day has been enough of an embarrassment.  Let's just head home, wherever that is now."

A highly dejected Kru made their way back through the market in silence. Kirby noticed something glimmer, and trundled off to investigate. This was a frequent occurrence, and nobody paid it much mind...until they heard vigorous exclamations of "poyo!" The group wandered after him, and found...what appeared to be a robot! It was old and rusted, and didn't appear to be moving, but hey, robots are cool, right? The group quickly decided to bring him with them. Ralf was still a bit loopy from the beating he took from Roo, and Kirby wasn't really big enough to lug a heavy robot, so obviously Tom made Atoli carry him. The odd assembly slowly wandered onward...

~

"Geeze, this place looks really creepy...." Atoli quivered slightly as she looked at the castle looming before them. "Psshhh," Tom ventured, "It's clearly fine! And obviously unoccupied!  What could possibly go wrong with this?" Ralf looked fired up. "That's RIGHT! And if we run into ghosts or anything, I'll PUNCH them in the FACE!" "Areeee? Ralf-sama, you can punch even ghosts?  That's so...manly...." Atoli was displaying the most emotion she had in her entire tenure with the Kru, but Ralf didn't even notice her as he sized up his next challenge. Kirby was already halfway to the door, so there was nothing left to do but follow him in.

"Welp, this castle obviously isn't haunted or anything. Ralf, take Kirby and go scope things out.  Atoli, you can stay with me, and..." "...help you investigate the robot." Tom blinked at her, but then it hit him that it was probably a superior idea to his own. Atoli finally unloaded the 'bot onto the floor, and Tom crawled over to investigate it while she collapsed in exhaustion.

"Hm...well, it obviously hasn't been switched on in a while...in fact, I don't see a power switch anywhere...." Tom pored over the metallic body in front of him. After a while, he raised his head. "I...I checked everywhere....everywhere except...do you think....?!?" "Boss, I think that's Chobits..." "What'd you say?" "Um, nothing! I don't have any common interests with you!  Uh...why don't you let me try?" Tom looked slightly confused as she cradled the robotic head and closed her eyes, invoking vague and unspecified magical powers. The robot's eyes flickered, and then it came to life. "I...am.......Robo."

~

Elsewhere.....

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f326/commsky/EvilKirby.jpg