(5)Noctis Lucis Caelum vs (12)Master Hand 2018

Ulti's Analysis
Before I get into this match, I need to explain something in perfect detail. I loved Final Fantasy 15. I have the platinum trophy to prove it. I have my review to prove it. It's a fantastic video game from start to finish, even with that weird chapter where you need 18 keycards. The gameplay is great, the graphics are superb, the music is good, the scope is the best in the entire series, and most of the characters are fantastic.

Most of the characters. Because Noctis is absolute gutter trash and is the exact example of the kind of guy no one likes in real life. This dude is born with a silver spoon in his mouth, gets handed everything for free, and we're supposed to sit around worshipping the ground he walks on because of his status as some prince. He gets handed infinite money. He gets handed a car that flies. He gets handed the hottest girl on the planet. He gets handed the best weapons in the world. He gets handed these awesome teammate bros. Fuck that. On top of all that, he's a whiny little bitch who literally starts crying the second life gets hard, gets bailed out again, then becomes a sensitive little bitch the second his boys slap the taste of his mouth for being a punk. What makes it worse is if this game was about any other character, it would have been perfect. Gladio is amazing. Ignis is one of the best sidekicks in RPG history. I adore Prompto. Lunafreya is awesome. Ardyn is damn cool. Even that chick with the boobs who does nothing more than flash boobs and pretend she knows her way around a car makes for a better main character than Noctis. I loved FF15's ending, because the little shit got exactly what he deserved. The type of people who like Noctis are the type of people involved in Celebrity Worship Syndrome and sit around reading about the British royal family all day. I get that your life didn't turn out like you wanted, but reading about Prince Harry and his doofus wife will not fix it. Put the gossip rag down and hit the gym.

Speaking of getting the taste slapped out of his mouth, Master Hand was also in this match and this was a glorious result. Monika losing on the same day sucked, but getting two feels-good-bro calls right on the same day, one of which being Noctis getting absolutely pissed on, was so nice. Leading up to the match, things were 50-50, with the obvious comparison point being Master Hand vs Kuja: https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/poll/2004-triforce-division-round-1-kuja-vs-master-hand

And I'm just sitting here wondering why anyone had any faith in Noctis whatsoever. The dude is a garbage character and didn't have a prayer of being stronger than Kuja, let alone the character that beat Kuja in such hilarious fashion. Plus he was up against the Square Decline, Smash hype, and "if Monika gets rallied, her voters are clearly going to pick Master Hand". I had zero doubts Master Hand was winning, and given my bias in the match, it was glorious watching Noctis eat an Ulti-style destruction in a debated match. Fuck that guy. I love FF15, but Noctis is a very real and obvious blight.