Blindhobo ranks 493 Pokemon

Originally known as "blindhobo ranks ALL 493 Pokemon" until the project took a long-ass time to finish and ended up still not finished by the time new Pokemon were revealed. The topics went through several purges and the whole project ended up taking approximately two years to complete... 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The full list is 37,545 words in Microsoft Word. So it's not THAT long. Seriously, it's not that long.

List
#493: Nosepass

Aesthetics and how a Pokemon looks is a HUGE factor in my opinion of it. That being said, Nosepass has got to be the one of the ugliest if not ugliest Pokemon in existence. It is the epitome of what is wrong with Pokemon in my eyes, a lot of them are so ugly and useless it would have been better if they were not created at all. Seriously, who came up with this idea? “Hey, I know how about a Pokemon that looks like a NOSE?! Won’t it be fucking great?!?” It looks like a stupid nose and has a GIGANTIC red nose of its own. It is also (thankfully) one of the worst Pokemon in battle. I don’t know what I would do if everybody ran one in their team because it was good. I already try to avoid looking at this thing as much as possible and I think I’d go crazy if I saw this piece of shit staring at me everywhere in battle. Just watching…

Someone told me that Nosepass was not based off a nose but off Moai statues and therefore perfectly acceptable as a creation. It doesn’t really matter. It’s still the worst Pokemon in existence and that is why it’s at the bottom of the list.

#492: Probopass

Big surprise here. Honestly, out of all things they could have given an evolution to, they decided to give Nosepass an evolution. Why would they do this?! What’s worse is that they gave this thing what appears to be…hair. “Hey, I know how to make the worst Pokemon in existence, let’s give it an evolution, and let’s give the damn thing hair!” Well, I looked it up and found out that the “hair” is actually “iron filings caught by the magnet.” Right. I think Probopass is a little more tolerating to look at because you can at least laugh at the damn thing for how stupid it looks. When DP Pokemon were announced and I saw Probopass two things came to mind. First: WTF. Second, what if it was actually good? That would be beyond horrible. Looking at its defensive stats (145 Def/ 150 Sp Def), you would think it would have some potential. I was worried because of the same issue with Nosepass. If it was good, and a lot of teams started carrying it, I don’t know what I would do… Thankfully, it still sucks ass in standard.

Quote: “Female Probopass retain the "moustache", despite the existence of gender differences for various different Pokémon species.”

#491: Gulpin

Useless green, ugly blob. I hate its dumb look with its lips out. What annoys me is that when you go to the Verdanturf contest hall and look at the default contest winners, the winner of the Normal Rank Cute Contest is a fucking Gulpin…seriously? I know the contest is about the moves but damn...

#490: Swalot

Useless purple, ugly blob.

#489: Heatran

When DP came, it brought some of the ugliest Pokemon ever made, including some of the worst legendaries ever. I consider Heatran one of the worst legendaries not because it sucks competitively (it doesn’t), but because it looks like a piece of shit…literally. It also sucks BECAUSE it is that good. A lot of people have one on their teams to go against Scizor and whatnot. It has a lot of options, which makes it an excellent choice for a team slot. But it is so damn ugly. I’m so concerned with asthetics that if anything is good in terms of the game, but I think it’s ugly, usually I won’t use it. It does seem dumb because I may be severely limiting myself, but when it comes down to it, if it gets to the point where I AM limiting myself because everything good is ugly, I’d rather not play the game at all. It bothers me a lot. If you ever verse me in battle, I can assure you that you will never have to wonder whether or not I have a Heatran on my team.

#488: Regigigas

Speaking of ugly legendaries…WHAT IS THIS?! Did we really need another Regi? I don’t like the Regis so I didn’t like it when they made another one. On top of that, it looks horrible. It’s as if they took whatever was in the room at the time, clumped it all together and designed a Pokemon after it. And its ability is laughable. Slow Start: Attack and Speed is halved during the first five turns of battle. What a horrible Pokemon.

#487: Volbeat

I’m not a big fan of the “gimmick” Pokemon. They’re usually all so useless. Volbeat is just a fat bug that’s useless just like the other fat bugs out there. What’s really irritating is when they devote whole episodes to crap like this. The Volbeat episode was about a fat Volbeat and its fat trainer trying to get a trainer and her Illumise to fall in love with them or something like that. The regular stuff…except that it was about a fat Pokemon and its fat trainer so nobody really cared.

#486: Illumise

Illumise is higher than Volbeat because I had Sapphire and Illumise was almost impossible to find for me. Volbeat, I saw a lot in the grass so I grew more sick of it. Illumise is still stupid though and just as useless.

#485: Luvdisc 

I think I did a facepalm when I found out that Misty had a Luvdisc. The thing is so ridiculously useless it’s not even funny. Highest stat is Speed at 97 and nothing else above 70. Looks like it can be one of those fish crackers.

#484: Wormadam

Not only does it look dumb and useless, there’s fucking THREE of them.

#483: Bronzong 

Bronzong reminds me of a toilet and whenever I see it I want to shit all over it. I was used to using any Pokemon I liked to complete the previous Pokemon games, so when I played my Pearl, I did the same. Unfortunately, my team turned out to be composed of some of the more crappy Pokemon in the game, and I got mauled by the Elite Four >_<. As my frustration grew, I experienced something for the first time one day. I got far enough into the E4 that I got to verse Lucian. I got him down to his last Pokemon, Bronzong. Because I was severely underleveled, I rely on type weaknesses to win battles in game. Bronzong only has two weaknesses: fire and ground. Nothing in my party knew any ground moves and Bronzong can still have Levitate (although I’m not sure what ability Lucian’s has). Concerning fire moves, I only had an adamant (+Atk, -Sp Atk) Rapidash whose attack is 20 points higher than its special attack and it only knew Fire Blast, a special move, as the only thing that could do noticeable damage on Bronzong. Needless to say, I was pissed off that I kept losing and wasting my time dealing with in game stuff such as the Elite Four. Bronzong crushed my hope of finally being done with the game. Competitively, it also suffers from the “I’m ugly but I’m usable” syndrome. I’ve run into Bronzong a few times. End results were not good. It’s also ugly.

#482: Relicanth

I really hate when they make useless, dumb-looking Pokemon like Relicanth required for anything (in this case, obtaining the Regis) and give the thing a 5% encounter rate so it’s annoyingly difficult to meet and capture.

#481: Bronzor

Stupid plate looking pre-evo of Bronzong. Association to Bronzong is bad so Bronzor is bad.

#480: Lombre

Lombre seriously freaks me out. It has a more humanoid appearance than I would like it to have, and if the thing was around me, I’d freak. It seems disturbing to be around and the thing is, you can’t get rid of the damn thing by evolving it because it needs a freakin water stone.

#479: Huntail

One of the most forgettable, ugly and useless Pokemon. Nobody (I think) likes trade evolutions and it bothers me that they made this thing a trade evolution. What a waste.

#478: Burmy

I dislike the Burmy line because it seems like such a waste. Right off the bat, you can tell that nobody is ever going to use this thing. And they actually spent some time designing the line, especially Wormadam and its THREE forms.

#477: Arceus

So much for the god of Pokemon. Usually, things god-like are supposed to look majestic and awe-inspiring. Arceus looks like a disgusting mutation of a reindeer. The whole plate type thing isn’t too great either.

#476: Wailmer

What a useless fat blob. It makes me laugh whenever Team Magma/Aqua said that you couldn’t get across the sea because they were training Wailmer. As if. Nobody can actually be stupid enough to train Wailmer. Waste of space in the ocean.

#475: Magmortar

I don’t think I paid Magmar any attention until this thing came out. After seeing this horrible gay clown, it made me appreciate Magmar that much more because it looked so much better by comparison.

#474: Purugly

It can’t have been too long before something with ‘ugly’ in its name showed up on my list. This thing is one of the worst Pokemon because it manages to make me not want a Glameow. Glameow look pretty sweet but the fact that they evolve into this fat cat turns me off to the idea. Thanks a lot Purugly. Speed is also its highest stat which can either be considered surprising or expected.

#473: Lunatone

Stupid gimmick. Looks horrible too. I can’t even think of anything to say about this because it’s such a waste of space.

#472: Solrock

Same story as Lunatone. Imagine how nice it would be if Pokemon like these were never created. The number of Pokemon would be more manageable and so many things wouldn’t be so many unused, useless things just sitting around. It also sucks that if you want to complete the Pokedex, you have to track down each of these guys who seem to get more useless as it goes on.

#471: Beldum

I’m not fond of the Beldum line. Usually, I don’t like things with the metallic/robotic appearance and Beldum is no exception. Beldum can also only learn one move: Take Down and nothing until level 30 when it evolves. Way to go, Beldum.

#470: Whiscash

Bleh. I would say water is my overall favorite type but it’s also one of the most annoying types simply because of Pokemon like Whiscash. It looks stupid as in actually stupid. Not intelligent. Not so great in battle either.

#469: Magnezone

Magnezone is the same as Magmortar as well as most of the evolutions introduced in DP. I never thought much of Magneton until this thing came out. It looks so ridiculous and I’m seeing it in battle way more than necessary because of Magnet Pull.

#468: Metang

Evolved form of Beldum. I don’t have anything else to say about it besides the fact that I don’t like it.

#467: Dunsparce

First GSC Pokemon! It says Dunsparce is a land snake Pokemon, but I don’t remember any type of snakes looking this lame. There was an episode where every kid in this town had a Dunsparce except one. The one kid had a Caterpie instead and the whole episode was about him trying to get a Dunsparce. I’d hate to live in a town like that where you have to have a lame Pokemon in order to be accepted. Caterpie is infinitely better than Dunsparce anyways.

#466: Barboach

Barboach is just another forgettable water type. It evolves into Whishcash so that doesn’t help it.

#465: Unown

You can’t talk about useless Pokemon without talking about Unown. They only learn one move, have horrible stats, can’t evolve, look abysmal, have a dumb name, and there’s 28 of the damn things. But out of all the Pokemon they could put in DP as part of the Sinnoh Dex, Unown was one of them. Why? A lot of things got left out of DP and Unown took one of the spots in the Dex. Frustrating beyond belief. When I collected Pokemon cards, I kept them in a folder so I could organize them in numerical order. But since there were multiple forms of Unown, there were multiple cards for them. Who even wants a card of all the Unown?! Anyways, since I only had one slot for Unown’s number in my sheet, the slot got overfilled and is now close to tearing. And the ruins that always involve these are pointless too. Third movie was not that good either. These things are one of the most useless and crappy Pokemon out there.

#464: Feebas

Feebas’s only redeeming quality is that it evolves into Milotic. Other than that it’s pretty bad. It’s ugly, and the developers decided to give it one of the most frustrating methods of finding it ever. I’m almost positive I spent at least nothing but fishing trying to look for this thing on the squares. Maybe it was just my horrible luck. On top of that, you need to keep growing berries and maximize beauty before it evolves and stops being useless. A little too much work if you ask me. Unique way of evolving, but it’s still annoying.

#463: Lumineon

Argh!! Why do they keep doing this?! Lumineon is just plain shitty and has absolutely NO purpose. Absolutely none.

#462: Rhyperior

This thing ruined Rhydon for me. It just looks so ridiculous. All the extra things added on to its body seem unnecessary giving it a grotesque appearance.

#461: Dialga

Like I’ve said before, DP brought some of the worst legendaries. Dialga is not memorable to me in any way. It’s theme is lame, doesn’t look as awesome as most of the legendaries and it’s boring.

#460: Palkia

Palkia right after Dialga! Who saw that coming? Palkia’s head and neck look like a dick. Those circle things on its shoulders? Balls. Other than that, same as Dialga.

#459: Rotom

Rotom and its forms are some of the weirdest looking Pokemon. Especially the washing machine and the lawnmower forms. I don’t like Pokemon with multiple forms such as Wormadam and Rotom because I think it seems kind of redundant. They already had their chance to make it one way, but now they want to be given more chances to screw something up? Usually the other forms turn out to be just as bad and unmemorable for me. Most of the time for me, different forms of a single Pokemon are a waste of time.

#458: Glalie

Somebody remind me. Did Glalie move by floating? Would it suck to be a Glalie? I’d say yeah. You look like an ugly disembodied head and with 80 base stats all around, you can’t really do much in battle. So glad they gave Snorunt another evolution instead of always evolving into this thing.

#457: Combee

Combee is another ridiculous looking Pokemon. Another frustrating thing about Combee is that the males are useless. They’re already rare and there’s a 87.5% chance of it being a male. I’ve never bothered to look for Combee though. I don’t like the Honey method, they’re hard to find, and Vespiquen is not that good anyways.

#456: Lickilicky

Holy shit, this looks bad. What is that thing on top of its head? I guess one cool thing about Lickilicky is that it’s the only thing that gets STAB Explosion. Other than that, it’s a bad Pokemon. Stupid name, stupid looks and inferior to its pre-evolution.

#455: Cascoon

First cocoon to show up. It evolves into Dustox which is inferior to Beautifly in my opinion. That’s why it appears before Silcoon.

#454: Silcoon

Oh hey, useless cocoon #2. Besides evolving into Beautifly, Silcoon looks nicer than Cascoon based off the coloring and its eyes. It’s more appealing but still just as useless.

#453: Slakoth

Probably has one of the worst abilities ever. Slakoth is just another unimpressive Pokemon you can catch early in the beginning but actually training this thing by battling must be a pain.

#452: Happiny

I hate babies. With the exception of maybe a handful, the vast majority of them are useless and unnecessary additions. Happiny is one of the most useless and most unnecessary additions. Chansey was perfectly fine on its own. Then came Blissey, which infuriated so many people. Then came Happiny. Chansey didn’t really need an evolution and definitely didn’t need a pre-evolution.

#451: Bonsly

Another unnecessary pre-evo added in DP. It got some recognition because Brock had one I suppose. But I haven’t been able to watch Pokemon since Battle Frontier and have only seen some clips here and there so Bonsly doesn’t do much for me.

#450: Chingling

Another pre-evo and a pre-evo of Chimecho of all things. If the Chimecho line needed anything, it was an evolution. A lot of Pokemon are useless and instead of giving them an evolution to make to give them the possibility of getting better they give them a pre-evolution which serves absolutely no purpose.

#449: Registeel

As stated before, I usually dislike things with the metallic/robotic appearance. I also think the Regis are some of the worst legendaries in general especially after the legendary birds/dogs/beasts/squirrels. While the dogs/beasts/squirrels were not as awesome as the birds, they were still tolerable and still had their good points. After them came the Regis which had nothing good about them in my point of view. They look ugly and what you have to go through to get them are not worth it in my opinion. You have to obtain two useless Pokemon to open the way to get these things. Relicanth has a low encounter rate and one time I caught it with only 1 ball left out of my original 30 or so. As for Wailord, you can get lucky and encounter a wild one but if not, you have to get a Wailmer and train the damn thing. I hate the Regis, the order doesn’t actually matter too much here. Registeel is last because I determined their order purely by their type.

#448: Regirock

A Regi. Nuff said.

#447: Regice

Unlike the other two, you actually ran into some Regice when playing Advance. I don’t know if that should be a pro or a con.

#446: Bibarel

Bibarel has the kind of face that I want to punch every time I see it. I think of it as the ultimate HM whore as it is capable of learning every HM in the game with exception to Fly and Defog IIRC. Because it can learn all the HMs in the game with exception to those two, it is not as useless as some of the previous entrants into the list. Someone has said it before me and I think I agree with it now. I would rather give Bibarel an evolution with wings so that it can become the ultimate HM whore than keep around some of the crap already existing.

#445: Budew

Damn pre-evos. Doing nothing but taking up space making it more tedious for people who rank them.

#444: Munchlax

I don’t know how some people can stand Munchlax. It looks dumb as hell and acts so stupid. Before Brawl came out, people were speculating over all the new characters that would make appearances. Some moron suggested Munchlax as a ''playable character. ''Right. Brawl would be worse than it already is with something as worthless as Munchlax actually taking up a playable character slot.

#443: Tangrowth

Tangrowth looks bad. Don’t know too much about it because like so many others, its appearance turns me away from it. Tangela was a “whatever” Pokemon for me so I don’t have too many thoughts about Tangrowth.

#442: Spiritomb

No weaknesses. Seriously, NO weaknesses?! HOLY SHIT IMPOSSIBLY BROKEN!! Despite the “no weaknesses” thing, Spiritomb is not THAT great. Personally, I don’t think it looks like a Pokemon and stands out way too much. I can see a bunch of Pokemon in a group and Spiritomb will automatically stand out to me. It simply does NOT look like a Pokemon to me for some reason. It’s not great to look at either and can be just annoying to face.

#441: Nincada

I thought Nincada was Bug/Rock this entire time. Turns out it’s actually Bug/Ground, which makes it the first of its kind. I don’t think too much of Nincada and its pretty forgettable for me. It also evolves into Ninjask which I don’t like. Yay?

#440: Finneon

When you look at Finneon, you can tell the creators didn’t put in enough time for it. There is no point to it. The developers wanted to create another Pokemon and settled for possibly the most boring, plain and generic looking Pokemon ever. Both Finneon and its evolution, Lumineon suck at everything except looking generic. One of THE most pointless additions to Pokemon, its existence is obsolete. Nobody cares about it, and with so many Water types already, anybody who uses Finneon/Lumineon should rethink what they’re doing, bothering to spend some time to use Finneon. Pokemon are meant to look diverse, interesting, and unique. They’re supposed to represent the creatures that you’ll never find in the real world and that is why some play Pokemon because of the diversity in species it offers. Finneon is nothing like that, looking like a regular fish. It looks like something I can find in a puddle down the street. They should have at least made it the first Water/Fire type to give it some attention. The only reason it’s even up this high (which is not high at all) is because it doesn’t look half as bad as some of the other things already mentioned on the list.

#439: Wurmple

The first of the larvae Pokemon, Wurmple is completely inferior to Caterpie/Weedle in many ways. First, it evolves into either Beautifly or Dustox both of which combined can not measure up to Butterfree or Beedrill separately. Someone correct me if I’m wrong but I believe the way to determine which cocoon Wurmple evolves into is completely random. So in a hypothetical situation if either Beautifly or Dustox happened to be great competitively and someone was actually taking the time to breed for nature and whatnot, if it turned out to evolve into the other cocoon, it’d be bad. How annoying.

#438: Mantyke 

Useless pre-evo #238. Mantyke can look cute, but I’d rather not have had it created.

#437: Spinda 

Sometimes I seriously doubt that the developers actually spent time making sure that no two Spinda have the same design. That’s a lot of time to spend on a shitty Pokemon like Spinda that’s always stumbling around like a drunk. 60 base stats all around can’t do too much for you.

#436: Togekiss 

Same story as Magmar/Lickitung/etc. Togetic was actually pretty cool except for the fact that it sucked. Togekiss was good because of the attack type split but also not cool to look at. Plus, I wasn’t fond of the whole flinching thing when I couldn’t move for like 6 turns because of this thing.

#435: Wynaut 

Why is this 434? Why not? Actually, it’s because of the pre-evo syndrome. However, using a Wynaut to evolve into Wobbuffet rather than catching a regular Wobbuffet gives it access to Encore which is part of one of the most broken sets when combined with Wobbuffet’s stats. So it has at least one use.

#434: Phione 

No way, they made a legendary that could breed! And this is what comes out! Eh, still don’t care.

#433: Claydol 

Clay doll. Haha, it’s so funny!!!!!! Looks ugly though. Like really ugly. Some of kind of bird rock hybrid.

#432: Snubbull 

Snubbull, like poodles reminds me of spoiled little girls and I hate spoiled little girls. I can already imagine hordes of spoiled little girls running around with Snubbull in their arms showing it off to everyone. Makes me want to punch them in the face. Grr.

#431: Pupitar

In evolution lines with three Pokemon, it seems the middle one usually seems to get screwed by either not being as cute/awesome as the first and last ones. Pupitar looks awkward to me because it always has to bounce around to get somewhere unlike its Larvitar days when it could just walk/run around. The worst part might be that if you do choose to evolve Larvitar, you have to keep this thing until it levels up to 55 which can take a while.

#430: Deoxys

Remember when I said that all forms of a Pokemon would be taken into account when ranking? I hate all the forms of Deoxys. Not appealing to me at all, and the defense version looks the worst. I watched little parts of the Deoxys movie and didn’t enjoy the parts I saw. I think the best part would have been when they found out about electronic trash cans or something like that, my memories aren’t clear.

#429: Vibrava

When I looked up Vibrava to see its picture, I realized that it looks way better from its 4th gen. sprite. I don’t know how common this was, but Vibrava did not have separate sprites for D/P and Platinum. Still nothing spectacular.

#428: Smeargle

Smeargle reminds me of that annoying guy, always trying to paint over anything and is convinced his skills are superior to everybody else’s even though his painting skills might be complete shit. I usually saw this thing on BP teams and knew it would be using either Spore/Ingrain when it first came out. What a bitch.

I remember seeing an emo set for Smeargle that made me laugh for a short while. Off the top of my head, it was:

Smeargle@Razor Claw

Lonely Nature (+Atk, -Def)

-         Cut

-         Fake Tears

-         Sing

-         Self-destruct

I hate Smeargle.


 * 427: Baltoy

Baltoy is nothing spectacular. I’m drawing a blank here. Ground/Psychic is a unique type I guess. Not much else to say about it.


 * 426: Trapinch

I hate running into Trapinch in the desert. Arena Trap wouldn’t let me escape until I fainted it, wasting my time and PP. Plus they’re about the only thing you run into in the whole desert. Arena Trap is a good ability competitively, in-game it sucks to go against. It looks stupid too.


 * 425: Shedinja

Wonder Guard is a ridiculous ability. It seemed incredibly rigged to me at first until I realized what weaknesses Shedinja actually had. 1 HP also sucks with Stealth Rock/Spikes/Sandstorm everywhere.


 * 424: Whismur

Sound-based Pokemon! How boring. Horrible line too. Whismur was one of the Pokemon I found out I was pronouncing “incorrectly” because of the anime. I had been pronouncing it Wish-mer and the anime told me it was Whiz-mer. I guess I never cared enough to notice how it was spelled.


 * 423: Ninjask

This thing was similar to Blissey because every time I saw it on a team, I wanted to punch my monitor. Because Ninjask was good for only one thing, when you saw one you knew the team and the opponent’s strategy. Substitute x4 and Baton Pass speed boosts. Baton Pass teams were boring and frustrating to play against and almost impossible to beat if played right. One of my least favorite Pokemon because of what it stood for.


 * 422: Clamperl

Nobody likes item evolutions. Nobody likes trade evolutions. Nobody likes item trade evolutions. If the pink part of Clamperl was taken out, would it be just a small pink ball? Random thoughts.


 * 421: Exploud

Exploud is an ugly Pokemon. It looks like it can NEVER close its mouth which would suck I imagine. Besides that, Exploud doesn’t have much going for it.


 * 420: Shelgon

I would not want to have a Shelgon. Despite the fact that it’s the evolved form of Bagon and the pre-evolved form of Salamence, it looks boring and weak. Usually, the main and only purpose of the middle cocoon-like Pokemon is to evolve into the third form and Shelgon is no different. It looks like it can’t do anything except just sit there and wait to get hit.

#419: Quagsire

Quagsire has that stupid, blank look on its face which is immediate minus points for me. Part of its placing has to do with when I was struggling with the Elite Four in my Pearl, I had no Grass types and my Pokemon were severely underleveled, this thing could last forever with Protect/Sandstorm/Dig/and whatever its fourth move was. And when the old lady used a Max Potion/Full Restore to heal it, I almost threw the DS.

#418: Slugma

I hate slugs in real life. They’re disgusting creatures that I shouldn’t have to see. It makes me sick to look at their slimy bodies just squirming across the floor. I think some of this hate/fear of slugs translates into Pokemon which makes Slugma not so great for me. Of course, it could just be because it sucks too.

#417: Magcargo

Snail looking Pokemon don’t get special treatment either. Horrible typing with quadruple weakness to water. Disgusting.

#416: Sunflora

The only good thing I can think of to say about Sunflora is that the episode where Meowth dressed up as a Sunflora was moderately amusing. Otherwise, it’s forgettable, sucks in battle, and doesn’t look too great. Awesome name by the way. Wonder how they came up with it.

#415: Igglybuff

Pre-evo. Blah blah blah. I vaguely remember some text about saying that if Igglybuff start to roll, it can’t stop. Not quite sure if I’m right though.

#414: Dustox

Dustox’s eyes freak me out. They don’t even look like eyes. Ugly face. Hard to believe something that can become Dustox can also become Beautifly. The one good thing Dustox has done is win Jessie her first ribbon. Team Rocket love.

#413: Mothim

Whoo Mothim! I can’t think of anything to say about it! Part of a horrible and useless line. It’s not very good and looks ok I guess!

#412: Yanma

Yanma always seemed to just take up space when GSC first came out. The first Pokemon Team Rocket successfully “stole” successfully, so I guess that’s something cool about it. It had one of the most annoying sounds in the anime.

#411: Loudred

Loudred is the highest in its line because it’s the only one I’ve seen outside of the game. It was chasing Team Rocket around in the anime. I just realized that I never saw Whismur in the anime despite my write-up because I remembered that it was my brother who told me how it was pronounced after he saw the episode…

#410: Bastiodon

Bastiodon is a meh Pokemon for me and its face is a square. SQUARE. All that defense and nothing to do with it. Also, fossil Pokemon sucked after RBY and even those in my opinion weren’t that great.

#409: Cleffa

One of the original pre-evos. Cleffa isn’t that bad, I guess. It still serves no purpose and is just another addition to the Dex for collectors to moan about since they (usually) have to waste time to breed for this thing. Uh...metronome!

#408: Marshtomp

Ugliest out of all the starters. I normally choose the water starter and it bugged me that when I chose Mudkip I had to spend the majority of the game with Marshtomp since it looked so bad. As I’ve already said, the middle Pokemon of the line is usually the worst and Marshtomp is no exception.

#407: Snorunt

Snorunt’s only redeeming feature that I can think of at this moment is that female ones evolve into Froslass. Males ones evolve into the useless-beyond-belief Glalie. Its name reminds me of snot rather than snoring.

#406: Kricketot

The best thing about Kricketot is that its name can be fun to say…for like the first minute. And then it gets old. It’s still another useless, bug you get at the beginning of the game that even people who totally suck at or know nothing about Pokemon stay away from.

#405: Gastrodon

Slug. Oh never mind. It’s a sea slug. Icky. Water/ground became an increasingly common type in DP. Yeah, I’m out of things to say.

#404: Lairon

I’m not fond of this line. I’ve never been drawn by most steel types in the first place and the metallic-looking exterior doesn’t help.

#403: Aron

Aron looks like a rock. Nothing great. Who cares about it?

#402: Giratina

Giratina looks like a nasty little centipede with its fifty or so legs. I’ve habitually refrained from using the newer legendaries and frankly don’t care about a whole lot of them. DP legendaries are the worst in this manner as none have managed to hold my interest for a long period of time.

#401: Gible

Gible is a contender for the “Pokemon you would most likely see in swarms attacking you” award in my opinion. I can imagine massive groups of Gible coming after someone trying to eat the person alive. They also remind me of the weaker enemies you come across in early levels of shooters and whatnot. A never ending flood of Gible. Like Kuriboh.

#400: Shellos

Shellos had potential to evolve into something nice. The different color thing seems pointless as far as I can tell.

#399: Pelipper

The episode featuring it had one of the most annoying trainers ever. Or one of the most annoying voices, I should say. Who cares about Pelipper anyways…

#398: Darkrai

Legendary effect. As I’ve said before, legendaries don’t hold that much appeal for me for some reason. Especially DP legendaries.

#397: Wailord

The absolutely biggest Pokemon in existence. When it’s not busy getting it on with Skitty, Wailord spends most of its time taking up breathing space and being useless. I don’t see why anybody in the Pokemon world would bother to have a Wailord. And exactly why do you need this thing for the Regis?

#396: Prinplup

Prinplup looks retarded. So retarded that I did not evolve my Piplup and just stuck it in a box in fear of what it would become. I ended up using a Golduck for my water type that playthrough.

#395: Ambipom

The first time I saw Ambipom, I was shocked at how dumb it looked. It gets this far because it has some competitive value though and it’s slightly grown on me. Just slightly though.

#394: Mamoswine

I think I’ve been swept by a Mamoswine before in one of my battles. It was bull. Mamoswine is a step up compared to the other evolutions they added in DP. It’s still not that appealing to me though.

#393: Shieldon

Yawn. Fossils. And one that evolves into something useless too.

#392: Croagunk

I’ve heard some good stuff about Croagunk from some people who have watched the anime. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I have not seen any of the DP episodes featuring Croagunk, so I have only the games and what I know of it to go off of. What I know is that it looks ugly so it’s down here.

#391: Skiploom

Out of its line, Skiploom seems the worst looking. Plus, when I think of it, skipping just comes off in my mind as really lame.

#390: Makuhita

The eyes! I don’t know exactly why I chose to use a Makuhita/Hariyama on my first playthrough of Sapphire. I certainly can’t see the appeal now.

#389: Staravia

Staravia’s “hair” is the main reason why I think it looks so ridiculous, yet amusing. Also, in my opinion, it looks like a Pokemon that would absolutely love to shit on you. Just for its own amusement it would take a shit on you because it’s that badass.

#388: Meditite

Filler Pokemon.

#387: Numel

Camel! Another one that I’ve had a pronouncing issue with. Noo-mel or Nuh-mel? And damn, if I keep saying its name, it does not sound like anything at all.

#386: Lotad

Another early game Pokemon that doesn’t really have much going for it in my opinion. The episode featuring it was ok I guess.

#385: Mime Jr.

Took a while for this pre-evo to get on to the list. Mainly because I think appearance-wise, it’s a step above the others. Still doesn’t help it from being useless and completely unnecessary though. Name could also use a little work. Jr.? Come on.

#384: Cradily

Blah. Fossils. And it’s the “defensive” one.

#383: Lileep

Everybody loves dicks! So much that they put eight of them on Lileep. Ever since someone has pointed out to me that Lileep and Cradily look like they have dicks on them, that’s all I can see whenever I look at them. I don’t know if I should be amused, disgusted, or both.

#382: Anorith

Another meh fossil Pokemon. I always ended up choosing Anorith over Lileep because it evolved into better looking Pokemon. Not that I ever used it.

#381: Mesprit

Mesprit is just boring. It’s not good competitively, doesn’t look that good, and the damn thing makes you chase it unlike the other two who are nice and sits there waiting for you to capture you.

#380: Toxicroak

Filler. I know almost nothing about Toxicroak. I just lumped it here in the ‘meh’ pile.

#379: Hippopotas

I remember thinking that this thing looked stupid when I first saw it. As in not intelligent. And the hungry hungry hippo song comes into mind. That’s all I got on it.

#378: Slaking

Slaking has ridiculous, ridiculous stats but it also has that horrendous ability. It’s ugly as hell and not appealing at all. But most of all, it’s that ability. Moving only once every other turn is frustrating, making it easy to set up on and manipulate.

#377: Skuntank

They finally made a skunk Pokemon. Looks ugly as expected.

#376: Tyrogue

Tyrogue is a problem because it has a stupid yet unique way of evolving. As I’m writing this, I’m amazed at how useless this seems and honestly have no idea why I’m putting it up this high…

#375: Remoraid

I think it should be apparent that I don’t care at all about most of the Pokemon in this section. I can’t be bothered to write more than a couple sentences on them. Remoraid should stop hanging around with Mantine though. When did that start?

#374: Wingull

Peeko!! Wingull looks kind of cute I guess. Evolving into Pelipper doesn’t help it that much as it will still stay crappy after evolution and still not see any use. One of my friends carried a level 6 Wingull nicknamed ‘Bird’ in his party along with the rest of his five level 80 or so Pokemon. So Wingull kind of became part of an inside thing between me and my friend which is what gets it #374.

#373: Stunky

The other skunk. Being a DP Pokemon, I haven’t seen too much of Stunky to form that much of an opinion but I doubt I’d have a different opinion anyways. It’s just filler to me.

#372: Sunkern

Pokemon that are like Sunkern with no legs/wings/other things for movement and have to move around by bouncing everywhere, I don’t think I pay attention to much. There was one episode with Sunkern where I thought it looked cute but by the end it had evolved into an ugly Sunflora so I stopped caring.

#371: Dusknoir

I don’t know why they felt the need to give Dusknoir an evolution, but whatever they did wasn’t enough. Nobody uses Dusknoir anymore last time I checked since it’s outclassed by Rotom or something. Never thought too much of the line anyways and doesn’t look too great.

#370: Skorupi

Another filler Pokemon. But it’s a scorpion, so that’s something good about it.

#369: Hariyama

When I look at Hariyama, I think of donuts. I used it in my first playthrough of Sapphire but its appeal has dropped shockingly for me since then. I had leveled it up to around 60 before deciding to start a new game and never touched it again, both competitively and in game.

#368: Dusclops

It has ONE EYE!! Nothing else to note here. Move along.

#367: Duskull

Don’t ask me why it’s higher than Dusclops. I’m too busy not giving a shit.

#366: Shroomish

One little problem with Shroomish. In-game, it doesn’t learn Spore until level 54 or so. Breloom doesn’t learn it which means you have to keep it from evolving until level 54. Never liked this kind of stuff. Usually, I want to evolve my Pokemon as soon as possible so I can stop worrying about them. I don’t know if I should be blaming Shroomish for this or Breloom but Breloom looks better so I’m sticking to blaming Shroomish.

#365: Castform

Pokemon with multiple forms are unnecessary in my opinion. It can needlessly complicate things and a lot of the time, none of them do a good job of standing out with the exception of one Pokemon which I will mention later. That being said, for Castform, the weather thing got old after a while and it sucks too much to be of any use.

#364: Combusken

It seemed like all the screen time Combusken got on the anime would never end. I was always waiting for it to evolve so I wouldn’t have to put up with seeing its chicken face anymore. It looks so much like a damn chicken that I don’t like it.

#363: Grotle

Another boring Pokemon in the middle of its line. They should make more awesome middle Pokemon instead of turning out stuff like this all the time. Grotle doesn’t look THAT bad but still.

#362: Slowking

In my opinion, Slowking is another unnecessary evolution. Slowbro is superior for some unidentifiable reason to me. Plus it’s an item trade evolution. Those always suck.

#361: Octillery

If I ever use an Octillery, I’m having Flamethrower on it. Because a water type using a fire move is just awesome and I would have hoped that there would be a water/fire type by now. But despite its above average attacking stats, Octillery is too damn slow to do anything. How does Remoraid evolve into this again?

#360: Aipom

If I recall correctly, the only way to get Aipom in G/S/C was by headbutting trees. Why would you bother looking for this back then anyways? It had one of the most irritable ways of encountering it, didn’t evolve, and just plainly sucked. I never really liked the design either. It’s only up this high because of the manga, in which they made it likeable in my opinion.

#359: Kecleon

I remember first seeing Kecleon in an episode during Johto season if I recall correctly and that was what tipped me off that they were making a new gen. Its ability is kind of cool…for like the first five minutes. Then it gets old like everything else when you realize it sucks. I can’t believe I wasted all that time leveling this thing up to 49.

#358: Masquerain

Masquerain would have gotten a lot higher up if it had stayed water/bug after evolution. Surskit, being the only water/bug in the entire game has some unique resistances. Instead of that, Masquerain decided to become another generic bug/flying. Boo Masquerain.

#357: Mantine

I guess it’s a good thing that some of the rarest Pokemon in the game are crappy. Usually because I won’t be bothered to look for it. Even though Mantine’s special defense is above average, it’s ruined by the fact that it’s 4x weak against electric. Not very appealing in terms of design either.

#356: Hoppip

I have a Pokemon card of Hoppip and it looks damn cute in that card. In game it can look like crap though. Hoppip surprised me in game when it used Splash against me. I had thought that Magikarp was the only one who had access to Splash and seeing another Pokemon use such an useless/awesome attack blew my mind.

#355: Chinchou

Chinchou is filler to me. It doesn’t look great and I don’t get why it appeals to people.

#354: Seaking

First RBY Pokemon. Seaking is the lowest of the original 150(1). It has a bland design and I hate that Goldeen evolves into this. Believe it or not, I think Goldeen looks pretty nice. Then it has to go and evolve into Seaking, something so much uglier which by the way is completely useless in battle anyways. Has no redeeming features. It blows my mind why in the anime, they had an entire episode dedicated to catching Seaking. Why on earth would you do this? Although I consider it the worst of the RBY Pokemon, it’s still better than some of the crap the later gens came out with.

#353: Uxie

Uxie gets my vote for the Pokemon that looks the most stoned…or asleep. Take your pick. Battle-wise, I haven’t encountered it too often so I’m basing its ranking mostly on other things. It also stays there like a nice little Pokemon waiting for you to capture it unlike that stupid Mesprit.

#352: Kabuto

Not a fan of fossils and Kabuto reminds me of a little bug that I want to squish under my foot.

#351: Magnemite

Magnemite could be a little ***** to beat in GSC when they made it a steel type. I almost always picked Chikorita as my starter in GSC and in the early game with nothing to go against Magnemite, I would lose a lot. I might have just been being dumb though. Appearance wise, Magnemite doesn’t appeal because of the whole metallic/robot thing I have.

#350: Chatot

This probably should have been ranked lower but it has that unique little gimmick with the sound and all. Other than that, it doesn’t do anything else.

349: Aggron

I had no idea how popular Aggron was until I saw it raping in the Gauntlet topic. I guess it looks “cool” enough to appeal to people. Correct me if I’m wrong. It doesn’t work for me. It doesn’t have that awe inspiring feeling that I feel Pokemon like these are supposed to emit. It actually…kind of looks stupid.

#348: Natu

Filler. Nah two? *Insert filler material here*

#347: Chimecho

For a good majority of the time I was playing RSE, I did not even know this thing existed. It had never appeared to me before so obviously it did not exist right? One day my brother ran into one of these and decided to catch it in his game. Once I saw it for the first time, my mind was blown. I found out that they were ultra rare to come across in the game. At this point, I still cared about completing my Pokedex so I figured why the hell not, I’ll go look for it, can’t be that hard. After all, my brother caught one in his first couple encounters in its area. …I looked for this thing for a long ass time but could never find one. My brother went back to its area and within the first five minutes, had found another one. I ended up having to trade for it and now it’s sitting in my PC gathering dust because it’s useless. I don’t know what gave the developers to give this thing a pre-evo of all things.

#346: Metagross

I don’t like this line. Metagross is one of the uglier Pokemon in my opinion but it is really useful competitively and I have to give it props for that. I would never use one personally because it’s so grotesque looking but it can do some wonderful things in battle. Anything with Explosion is a plus in my book with the exception of things like Heatran because its ugliness negates any positives it may have.

#345: Drapion

Why does Aaron use this if it’s not even a bug type?! Grr.

#344: Wooper

I guess it looks kind of cute. I think it was only a couple months ago when I realized it had no arms. <_<

#343: Hoothoot

Love the name. Real creative.

#342: Ledyba

If I recall correctly, Ledyba was one of the first G/S Pokemon revealed. Too bad I never think about it.

#341: Seedot

One reason I like Seedot is because it reminds me of a bomb. I can’t remember if this was an actual scene from the anime or it’s something that was just in my head, but I remember a scene with a bunch of Seedot hanging off branches and exploding when they drop. I now also realize that I shouldn’t have began writing this with “One reason I like…” because that’s the only reason I like Seedot and it doesn’t account for THAT much.

#340: Smoochum

I think this should have come earlier in the list but it doesn’t bother me as much as some of the other pre-evos for some reason.

#339: Magby

Same as above.

#338: Groudon

For a legendary, I thought Groudon wasn’t that impressive when I first saw it. I thought it was a fire Pokemon for a while in my younger years with the sun and all.

#337: Monferno 

Another middle line starter. I thought I had already placed him but apparently not.

#336: Rayquaza 

I’m drawing complete blanks here for a lot of the Pokemon in this part of the lists because a lot of them are so irrelevant to me and what I like about Pokemon now that I realize it. They could seriously be all lumped together in a big ‘meh’ pile. Rayquaza, although a legendary doesn’t strike me as one. The only thing it has is being gigantic but it doesn’t evoke that awe-inspiring feeling to me. Whoo hoo another dragon thingy. Big deal.

#335: Graveler 

Out of the original four Pokemon who evolved by trading, Graveler was the one that bugged me the most because Golem is so much better than it. You could make that case for the other three but the gap between Graveler and Golem can’t be compared with the gaps of the other three lines. Machoke, Kadabra, and Haunter have redeeming qualities in my opinion but Graveler has none. It’s all gross looking and stuff and it pissed me off that I had to deal with a Graveler with the rest of my game instead of an awesome Golem.

'''#334: Medicham#333: Armaldo'''

The best looking 3rd gen fossil. And…I got nothing else except I can’t believe I bothered to train this thing to level 50.

#332: Politoed

I was kind of annoyed Misty’s Poliwhirl didn’t evolve into a badass Poliwrath and instead evolved into a cheerleader. Blah.

#331: Kakuna

For some reason, Kakuna is just not as awesome as Metapod. And that makes it another useless cocoon.

#330: Weedle

For some reason, Weedle is just not as awesome as Caterpie. And that makes it another usel- no wait. Weedle could be a little ***** early in-game because of its poison. I swear this thing would always poison me at the worst times making me go all the way back to the Pokemon center or use up all my antidotes (whenever I bothered to carry any).

#329: Shiftry

I didn’t take notice of Shiftry until I saw that pic where it was raping Nurse Joy (you’ve all seen it! I know you have!). That’s the only thing I can think of when I look at this thing.

#328: Garchomp

“RAWR. I was so good I got banned!!!1111” I think I cried tears of joy when I heard Garchomp was banned. It was a couple months after I had given up on DP. But I have a hunch it’s going to make a comeback soon…just to screw with me now that I’m playing again.

#327: Paras

One of the earlier episodes featuring Paras made me uncomfortable watching it. This Paras was SO unbelievably weak that I couldn’t imagine there being a Pokemon this weak. So much pity for this thing.

#326: Snover

Filler. I was just waiting for this thing to evolve when I had one.

#325: Nuzleaf

Nuzleaf looks the best out of its line. And its name sounds awesome.

#324: Weepinbell

One word comes to mind when I see Weepinbell and that is: pathetic. I normally don’t use this word because it seems so harsh to me whenever I hear it. Something reserved for only the most worthless things on the planet but that’s what I think when I see Weepinbell. Not that it’s all that useless but it looks so pitiful whenever I see it in the anime. They show it as some little weak Pokemon that can’t do anything to defend itself and can’t move, especially in one of the early episodes where that little boy and his Weepinbell got their ass kicked by Giselle (girl with the Cubone at the school).

#323: Sableye

Sableye’s annoying because it has no weaknesses. Not that it’s any good but still.

#322: Gabite

I think Gabite looks the best of its line which is why it’s up the highest. Other than that, I could care less about this line.

#321: Krabby

Krabby is one of the tastiest-looking Pokemon out there. It doesn’t even look like a Pokemon to me. Just a normal crab. One of the more bland RBY Pokemon. It doesn’t get bonus points for belonging to Ash because it didn’t do **** as Krabby except evolve to Kingler.

#320: Flaaffy

Was the second ‘a’ really necessary? I understand that this line gets a lot of love from a lot of people but I’m not one of them. They never clicked with me.

#319: Shaymin

If Shaymin didn’t have another form, it would have been waaay lower on the list. Its original form is not particularly impressive for a legendary and it’s not even that good. Skymin looks nice so it bumps it up to #319. Just for looks alone. I’ve heard it can get annoying in battle though.

#318: Skarmory

Gah, I hate this thing. It’s not as much of a pain as it was for me back in Advance now. Why did they have to make this thing so annoying back then?! Typing, resists, high defense and a recovery move. Lame.

#317: Manaphy

Whatever legendary.

#316: Rampardos

My head exploded when I saw this thing’s base attack for the first time. All these ideas started to form about how this thing absolutely destroys a lot of things. But speed and defenses become a problem so I lost interest in it. It doesn’t look great either.

#315: Koffing

After looking at it for a while, Koffing doesn’t seem as awesome as I remember. I don’t even know why I may have possibly considered it awesome at one point. It’s ok.

#314: Swinub

Filler. Too many Swinub at Ice Cave…or whatever that place was called. It was near Mahogany Town.

#313: Camerupt

I think Camerupt actually looks pretty cool. Explosive. Now if it wasn’t for that 4x water weakness.

#312: Omastar

Even though I almost always picked Helix over Dome, I only did it because everyone else I knew got Dome. Omastar can be fun to play around with when you have Rain Dance and whatnot but other than that, it’s not worth noting much.

#311: Omanyte

Pretty much the same thing I said about Omastar except Omanyte can manage to look cute sometimes depending on the art.

#310: Qwilfish

Qwilfish looks like a nasty little ***** to run into with its spikes everywhere. It’s probably close to the top of the list of most forgotten Pokemon along with some 3rd gen water types. Oh well.

#309: Furret

No matter how generic/weak/lame Furret may look, it will always have that minigame in Pokemon Stadium 2 with all the balls. It was awesome.

#308: Cranidos

Same fossil reason. Cranidos looks like a punk, giving it higher placing than Rampardos.

#307: Gloom

I don’t really like evolving my Oddish until it’s at a high enough level where it will learn all its moves that I want it to learn. That way, I can evolve Gloom into Vileplume as soon as possible and have it spend the least amount of time possible in my party. While Oddish and Vileplume have bright colors, Gloom’s colors make it look like a dead plant that smells bad. Worst of all is the drooling. It looks disgusting and certainly not attractive.

#306: Taillow

Early game bird Pokemon are pretty awesome for the most part. Just not that awesome.

#305: Jirachi

Design-wise, I think Jirachi is ok. But it’s screwed me over too many times in battle for me to give a **** about it anymore. Pokedex description reads: “It is said to make any wish come true. It is awake for only seven days out of a thousand years.” So if you capture this, you can only use it for seven days? And it’s only one wish?! Call me a greedy bastard but that’s pretty lame. I’m assuming the “no wishing for more wishes” clause is in play here.

#304: Sentret

Sentret can support its body with just its tail from what I’ve seen. That’s cool and all. Another early game Pokemon that ends up sucking and serves no real purpose.

#303: Mareep

Whateverr. It’s just a sheep.

#302: Exeggcute

I’m not too crazy about Exeggcute because it seems awkward to own. What happens if you lose one egg? Do they just go on as five forever? And does it affect how it evolves? Similar to stuff like Diglett, I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I had one in real life.

#301: Celebi

If you couldn’t tell already, I’m not a big fan of those legendaries at the end with all-around 100 base stats. They’re almost always unobtainable anyways and they usually end up being a pain for me to face if I’m battling them. Celebi gets the highest placing so far because it looks the best but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to punch my monitor every time I see it come out. At this moment I can’t think of anything that pisses me off more than Celebi. It’s haunted me since Advance and it seems everybody is carry one now these days…at least everyone I happen to verse. Leech seed and recover alone are enough for me to start punching things but then you add that it was commonly seen on Baton Pass teams which I also hate and also has Natural Cure, holy **** this thing can be a *****.

#300: Kricketune

The only reason and I mean only reason Kricketune is this high is because of its awesome, awesome cry. That is all.

#299: Caterpie

An old time favorite I’m sure. Caterpie has a lot of memories attatched to it. Being Ash’s first Pokemon, being Yellow’s first Pokemon (Pokemon Special manga), etc. I liked versing Caterpie as opposed to Weedle in early games simply because Caterpie couldn’t poison you. I guess that made it a little worse to train but Butterfree ended up being so much better than Beedrill that it didn’t matter (although they both sucked late game).

#298: Shellder

I remember Shellder looking pretty badass in one of the episodes. It was the episode where Team Rocket tries to get Shellder to bite Slowpoke’s tail to make it evolve so they could give it to Giovanni. In the end, Shellder jumps up and bites the Slowpoke tail on its own when everybody is knocked out. One thing I never got was the whole ‘Shellder bites Slowpoke’s tail to make it evolve’ thing. What a waste of a pokemon if they end up fusing. Jessie actually caught a Shellder so it gets points for that I guess.

#297: Elekid

One of the few pre-evolutions I can sort of tolerate because it’s a pre-evo of Electabuzz, one of my long-time favorites. It was also one of the first Johto Pokemon introduced IIRC. Elekid doesn’t look like your typical baby Pokemon because it looks like it can actually fight. Cleffa, Igglybuff and Togepi look like pets you have that do nothing but sit there and try to look cute. Elekid is more badass than that and looks like it can actually do something. I was also never a fan of friendship evolutions and the fact that Elekid evolves by leveling up is another reason why it’s a notch above the other pre-evos.

#296: Plusle

A blatant rip off of Pikachu and has another ‘meh’ gimmick, there are not many ways that Plusle is good. It’s not good in battle or anything else except for maybe a Pikachu look-a-like contest. Not much to say about it.

#295: Minun

Who woulda thunk it? Minun after Plusle?! It’s higher than Plusle because I like its color scheme better. I also think it looks cuter even though differences may be negligible.

#294: Pachirisu

Another Pikachu clone. Honestly I think part of the reason why it’s even up this high is because I partly forgot about it while making the list and was too lazy to go back and fix it. If I made this list again it would be lower. It still looks kind of cute so it won’t be THAT low but still pretty low.

#293: Gorebyss

I remember deciding with my brother that he would get the Gorebyss and I would get the Huntail when we traded our Clamperls because I somehow thought Huntail looked cooler way back then. Big mistake now that I look back on it. Huntail is uglier and worse in battle. Gorebyss isn’t that good so it didn’t affect me too much except that I’m reminded of my failure every time I see that Huntail sitting in my box.

#292: Slowpoke

Uh-oh. Is it time for Slowpoke already? I didn’t expect it to be this low but when I was making the list I realized I’m not a big fan of Slowpoke and the reason why I thought I liked it was because it evolves into Slowbro. It looks too stupid for me. Slowpoke’s best sprite is in Silver by the way.

#291: Ledian

You look at Ledian’s offensive stats and wonder why anyone would bother using anything with such horrible stats. Its 110 special defense is ruined by its 55 HP so it even fails in defensive aspects.

#290: Clefable

Clefable is the fatter, more annoying sister of that girl you thought was pretty cute in your class. I can imagine that when Clefable runs, it has its fat around its legs shaking. It’s definitely not as bad looking as some other Pokemon but for some reason every time I see Clefable I’m reminded of a fat, annoying girl who can’t tell when her presence is offensive.

#289: Parasect

Parasect was the first Pokemon to learn Spore. That’s cool and all but it still wasn’t that good. I dunno Parasect has always been ‘meh’ for me.

#288: Granbull

I hate bulldogs. My elementary school mascot was a bulldog and I had to see its ugly face every time I went to school. Granbull caused me a lot of problems when I played Advance UU with its Heal Bell and everything else. Maybe it was just because I sucked way more than I do now or because my team was poorly built but it always did cause me problems when it appeared. And I don’t what they were thinking when they labeled Granbull as a ‘fairy’ Pokemon. Fairy my ass.

#287: Porygon2

I’m unable to decide if the name is innovative and unique or just stupid. Porygon2 didn’t do anything for me that Porygon didn’t do…which wasn’t much. It’s just a regular bird computer thingy…

#286: Corphish

I don’t know why they bothered to give Corphish as much screentime as they did in the anime. It’s not that great if you ask me. Its ‘tough’ attitude got tiring for me after a while and I much prefer its evolution.

#285: Tentacool

Despite the hate Tentacool gets because it’s so freaking common in the water, I feel drawn to it. Mostly because it evolves into Tentacruel which has become one of my favorites a while ago but also because of the fact that a lot of people hate it. I feel like I have to stick up for it at least a little. Same with Zubat.

#284: Doduo

Doduo gets this high also because of its evolution, the totally awesome Dodrio. By itself, I don’t think it’s that impressive. Also, the question that’s been asked a million times: how does this thing learn fly?

#283: Croconaw

Probably one of the ugliest starter forms, Croconaw nevertheless gets points for being part of the Totodile line and also because I spent a lot of time with it in my party when I played Silver.

#282: Spinarak

I think Spinarak managed to sneak its way to a higher placing because I don’t remember ranking it this high. Spinarak had a couple cool episodes. I think it involved being on the police. The thing I remember most involving Spinarak was when my neighbor who had Gold traded me one for a Ledyba from my Silver. The only thing he didn’t mention was that he had nicknamed the Spinarak ‘Spiderman’. I couldn’t rename it of course.

#281: Ralts

The thing that annoys me most about Ralts is that it doesn’t learn an attacking move until level 6. The highest level you can find early game is level 5 so that’s at least one level’s worth of it being unable to do **** but Growl. Other than that, it doesn’t have a lot going for it except that it eventually evolves into Gardevoir/Gallade.

#280: Swablu

I want to use Swablu to wash my windows.

#279: Spearow

One of the first badasses that Pokemon has seen, Spearow mostly gets its reputation from attacking Ash in the first episode (or was it second?). It looks like it totally wants to rip your head off and is actually useful in game unlike Pidgey because it has an actual flying type move (wtf Gust as a normal type attack).

#278: Piloswine

I don’t know why, but I’ve always thought of Piloswine as being freakishly strong…if I ever happened to think about it. It’s pretty obscure and forgotten in my experience despite being used by a Johto gym leader. I’ve used this thing once and that was when I made a mono-ice team when I was playing advance. Because all the other Pokemon on the team were special based (Dewgong, Cloyster, etc.), Piloswine was the only physically-based Pokemon and it helped me out also by blocking electric attacks. Mono-type teams don’t win much if at all but I remember Piloswine being the one who helped me win a couple times.

#277: Porygon-Z

Once again like Porygon2, I’m not sure if the name is supposed to be something cool or stupid. Porygon-Z got a lot of hype from me in the beginning just like Rampardos. 135 Special Attack + Nasty Plot + Adaptability/Download + STAB Tri Attack sounds orgasmic. Too bad it never worked out as well as one may have hoped. Or maybe that’s a good thing.

#276: Magneton

Despite me not caring so much for this line, Magneton has improved in my eyes lately. Magnezone being so damn ugly has made me appreciate Magneton more.

#275: Diglett

Diglett can be pretty cute but my main reason for its placing on the list is because it looks so damn awkward. What the hell is under it? And does it carry the dirt around it everywhere it goes? What happens when you send Diglett into the water!?

#274: Porygon

I can’t believe this thing costs so much. It’s not even that good.

#273: Carvanha

Rawr. Carvanha will bite your dick off if you swim next to it. I actually like the design but it’s not something that spectacular. It’s a badass looking fish. I don’t think we’ve had one before. Goldeen and Magikarp don’t count.

#272: Metapod

Metapod has this quality about it. I can’t really explain it but it’s something along the lines of awesome. Metapod Harden battles are always fun. There’s just something breathtaking about two Metapods really going at it. The Harden/String Shot jokes were good for a laugh too.

#271: Togepi

Togepi gets this placing because it is a baby Pokemon that can’t do **** except Metronome until…I don’t even know what level. I remember the next move it learns being Sweet Kiss so that didn’t help that much. It’s cute and its appearance in the anime was ok I guess but it would be such a burden to carry this thing around halfway across the country.

#270: Surskit

Yes, the only reason Surskit is up this high is because of its typing. The only one of its kind, Water/Bug is what it should’ve stayed instead of turning into another common Bug/Flying when it evolves.

#269: Stantler

Stantler comes off as looking really fragile to me. Kinda like Bambi. Just not as cute. It’s always been rather forgettable and I don’t really have much to say about it.

#268: Bidoof

Honestly, I hated Bidoof as much as the next person when it was first revealed simply because of how absolutely ridiculous it looked. It looked so stupid that I couldn’t believe Game Freak was lowering themselves to create **** like this. But then came the fads and the rising popularity. Then those comics, then the contest. When it actually did well in the Gamefaqs contest, I actually started to root for it despite my hate early on. Now when I look at it, Bidoof is not a Pokemon for me but just another Internet meme and I have to give it props for looking so stupid that it makes me laugh.

#267: Linoone

I remember my entire team getting sweeped by a Linoone after fainting my opponent’s other five Pokemon in succession and thinking it was too easy. My team was very frail and Extremespeed Linoone was a beast. Looks-wise, it’s pretty generic and not much to say about it.

#266: Nidorina

Nidorina is like the reject of the Nido family for me. It looks uglier than all the others and there’s not that much that’s awesome about it.

#265: Tropius

I wonder what it would be like to go everywhere with bananas hanging from your neck. I remember something in its Pokedex description that said that kids like to climb up and take bananas from the necks of Tropius. I wonder how many kids die as a result of that. I mean, I wouldn’t just let kids climb all over me and take my precious bananas.

#264: Torkoal

I actually trained a Torkoal to level 58. What a waste of time. The gimmick they gave to Ash’s Torkoal with it crying everywhere was possibly one of the most annoying things ever.

#263: Fearow

Fearow was another one of the early badass Pokemon that they used to attack the good guys with once in a while. In the games, Fearow was pretty much infinitely more useful than the Pidgey line because it actually learned good flying moves (Drill Peck) and had some power to back that up. It looks kind of generic and I admit that the looks department is what makes Fearow get a lower placing than the Pidgey line.

#262: Voltorb

BOOM. I think the fact that Voltorb look like a Pokeball and explode everywhere is pretty awesome. It just gets old after a while.

#261: Xatu

Did you know Xatu learns Psychic at around level 65? If anyone actually bothered to train Xatu that much, I’m sure they would have rather taught it Psychic via TM because it can’t get everything done with Confusion. The ‘read the future thing’ Xatu has is ok I guess.

#260: Beautifly

The much better counterpart of Dustox, Beautifly can’t help the fact that it sucks, not that surprising considering that it’s an early bug type. Contest screen time helps it a little but other than that, nothing special.

#259: Girafarig

I had no idea that thing on its tail was its brain. Strangely awesome.

#258: Luxio

Rawr. Filler. I have nothing to say about Luxio except that its face looks kind of cool…which is pretty much what I’ve said for a lot of Pokemon.

#257: Abra

I’m unsure whether people actually like Abra or just its evolutions. Abra by itself can’t really do anything except Teleport away much to the frustration of my elementary days. I find it hard to believe that if people actually challenged Sabrina, she didn’t need to evolve her Abra until Ash came along. Are the other trainers really THAT bad?

#256: Mr. Mime

I was traumatized for life when I saw a female Mr. Mime. And that fat Mr. Mime in one of the episodes was disgusting. And that guy in the RBY games who wants to trade away his Mr. Mime wanted one of those Abra that were sooooooooo hard to catch. He must have been out of his mind. Mr. Mime also has its ability so I can’t Roar it out against Baton Pass teams which have screwed me over when I’m totally outpredicted. With all these negative memories of Mr. Mime, I have no idea why it’s actually up this high except that I placed it here because of its uniqueness.

#255: Psyduck

I do not like stupid things and Psyduck is very stupid. While Misty’s Psyduck had its moments, I was so happy when the episode where it “evolved” into Golduck came. Then my hopes came crashing down and the whole “can’t swim, can’t do anything in battle until it gets a headache” thing got really tiring.

#254: Pineco

Same with almost all Pokemon on the anime with regular appearances, Pineco’s exploding thing got tiring. Asides from that, it looks like a pinecone so it’s cool I guess.

#253: Drowzee

For the longest time, I could not figure out how to play that mini-game in Pokemon Stadium. I always managed to be the first one to fall asleep no matter how much I pressed the A button so naturally it got frustrating to my young self. Someone told me they thought of Drowzee’s nose as a shriveled up dick and I haven’t been able to look at it the same since.

#252: Jumpluff

Encorepluff was really annoying to face. Just from looking at it, you couldn’t tell that it was a Flying type. It doesn’t really get any benefits from the typing as far as I can tell. Off the top of my head, all it gets is a 4x weakness to ice, a rock weakness and on top of that, no STAB flying moves. The flying type is just a liability.

#251: Crawdaunt

Crawdaunt is badass and will break your skull. There’s something wrong with its face though.

#250: Electivire

Electabuzz is one of my old time favorites and Electivire kind of ruined Electabuzz for me by looking so much worse. Battle-wise, it was predicted to be REALLY good when combined with Gyarados because of its ability but somehow it turned out being not so good.

#249: Banette

Banette is one of the more disturbing looking Pokemon. It looks like an actual ghost that will steal your crap. And then haunt you forever. And ever. And ever. And ever. And ever. And ever.

#248: Sealeo

ROAR I AM FAT AND TOTALLY NOT A COPY OF A PREVIOUS POKEMON!

#247: Electrode

EXPLOSIONS WITH A SMILING FACE. :)

#246: Spheal

It looks so circular!! Anybody notice that Spheal rhymes with Seel? It’s mind blowing.

#245: Ludicolo

I did not like Ludicolo much at first because it looked so ridiculous but after using it in battle for a little bit, it became one of those Pokemon that gradually grows on you as it wins you battles. Leech Seed/Toxic was nasty and it was generally useful whenever I wanted to be annoying.

#244: Zigzagoon 

Only up this high because of the name. It’s fun to say.

#243: Venonat 

Venonat looked pretty cool with its HUGE eyes that were used to track things…or something like that.

#242: Mankey 

Mankey will beat the crap out of you, just not as much as its much more pissed off evolution, Primeape. The episode featuring it actually showed it being happy for a while when it wore Ash’s hat.

#241: Tangela 

Somebody say tentacle rape? Tangela looks like a clump of green spaghetti with feet. Is the black part its actual face and what would happen if I removed all the vines? It was the only pure grass type for a while which is something I guess.

#240: Sharpedo

Sharpedo was the first and only shiny I got in RSE. I think its shiny coloring is not that appealing at all and I hate it when they make shiny versions of blue Pokemon purple like this. It seems so pointless. Anyways, by itself Sharpedo looks kind of cool and Rough Skin is a nice ability but the real reason it’s up here is because it was my first shiny in RSE.

#239: Shuppet

The Shuppet episode with Max was both good and bad. Good because it showed Shuppet in a cute way and bad because it was a whole episode featuring Max.

#238: Starly

Cute. That’s it.

#237: Azurill

Cuter than Starly.

#236: Dugtrio

Everyone remembers getting a Diglett from the cave for an easy victory against Lt. Surge. There were those people who put Diglett in the box after that and then there were those who said “Whatever. I might as well keep it in my party.” The people who kept Diglett in their team long enough had it evolve into this monster. It’s actually not that strong but because of how critical hits worked in RBY (based on speed) this thing was fainting things in one hit left and right. And then came Advance with its abilities. Arena Trap is one of the most helpful/annoying abilities out there. Dugtrio is an okay Pokemon but just like Diglett, what the hell happens when you send it out on water or somewhere where there is no dirt?

#235: Cherubi

It’s a ****ing cherry!!!! How is this not awesome?! I flipped out like this when I first saw Cherubi. I can’t even explain why a cherry Pokemon is awesome. But do I really need to?

#234: Sudowoodo

They should have made Sudowoodo into the first Rock/Grass Pokemon ever but they had to just give it the boring Rock type. My interest in it faded when it turned out to be just another rock type. And also that it was soo slow.

#233: Riolu

Do all the people who like Riolu like it just because it evolves into Lucario? I don’t care about the line that much especially because it’s so damn popular. And the name Riolu doesn’t roll off the tongue as well as I would like it to.

#232: Ho-oh

Looks-wise, Ho-oh is not as appealing as its counterpart, Lugia. I guess it was cool that it was in the first episode and it has an awesome exclusive move. Sacred Fire has a sexy 50% chance of Burn. But as far as legendaries go there are way better ones and Ho-oh doesn’t really do anything except fly around looking like a chicken.

#231: Grimer

I like Grimer although not a lot of people seem to. Maybe I’m just attracted to filth.

#230: Shuckle

Shuckle does not look like a bug Pokemon. But it is. It gets recognition for having the highest defensive stats in the game at 230 for both defense and special defense. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the defenses can’t do much when it also has a base stat of 20 HP and 5 speed. The one episode with the purple Shuckle was disturbing and has scarred me for life. Team Rocket is surrounded by Shuckle who are attracted to the juice that the purple Shuckle secretes. Hundreds of Shuckle with hearts as eyes proceed to climb all over them attempting to do unspeakable things. Disgusting when you really think about it, especially since Shuckle aren’t like your usual furry pets that you would normally climb over you.

#229: Hippowdon

Despite having one of the ugliest sprites in the game and reminding people of nothing but Hungry Hungry Hippo, Hippowdon is actually really useful in battle. Nice defensive stats, good movepool, etc. That’s pretty much the only reason why it’s ranked here.

#228: Yanmega

Yanmega gets points for being the evolved form of the only Pokemon Team Rocket managed to ‘steal’ successfully. And that is pretty big, considering it’s only been about 500 episodes.

#227: Lickitung

Another Rocket Pokemon, Lickitung’s debut episode was all types of awesome where it single-handedly destroyed Ash and co.’s Pokemon before being stopped by Psyduck. After that, it could never manage to win again. What gives?

#226: Murkrow

The Murkrow in the Rocket Base in GSC held the final password to stop the generator (Hail Giovanni). Someone clear up for me whether the Murkrow could actually talk or just had a slip of paper with the password on it or something.

#225: Luxray

I think Luxray’s pretty overrated. Yeah it looked cool the first time I saw it but I don’t think it’s anything amazing. I once told someone that Luxray wasn’t good competitively and he got mad. His reasoning was that since he had a level 100 Luxray and beat the entire game, Luxray must be good. I don’t talk to him anymore.

#224: Shinx

Shinx above Luxray because its name is more fun to say and it looks cuter.

#223: Kirlia

Looks like someone managed to sneak up a few rankings.

#222: Drifblim

It’s a balloon! I was actually really hyped for Drifblim. It’s a freaking balloon. How could it not be awesome? Turns out it’s not that useful.

#221: Drifloon

It’s a smaller balloon! The method for obtaining Drifloon is one of the more unique ways of obtaining Pokemon. I don’t really quite remember how since I haven’t played my Pearl in a couple months. It had to be a Friday?

#220: Corsola

Despite being one of the worst competitive forces, Corsola gets points because it looks (kind of) nice and its anime run. You have no idea how surprised I was when I saw its actual stats after the anime let me believe that it actually had some good points. I know they do that to some extent for almost every Pokemon but Corsola is actually reeeeeeeeally bad. The gap is huge between its anime strength and game strength.

#219: Bagon

That is a HUGE head. Dragonz iz kool.

#218: Poochyena

I have no idea what it is about Poochyena that draws me to it. Normally as it is a third-gen early generic Pokemon that has no use, it would have ranked much much lower but it’s not. Maybe because I like dogs?

#217: Manectric

I used a Manectric my first playthrough. Its appeal has sharply dropped because there are much better electric types and I think its head shape is weird.

#216: Electrike

It looks cooler than Manectric.

#215: Pidgey

The ORIGINAL generic bird Pokemon. I’m pretty sure almost everyone who has played Pokemon has used one of these. Even though it’s more trouble than it’s worth at the beginning, and getting a Spearow would have made the playthrough easier especially since Gust was a normal move back then, I stuck with Pidgey. Partly because of the anime and partly because I like the way it looks better. Even in future playthroughs, I always seen to gravitate towards Pidgey when looking for a bird.

#214: Meowth

Unlike other Pokemon Team Rocket owns, Meowth has a negative effect by being on Team Rocket for me. Maybe because Team Rocket doesn’t technically ‘own’ it. The fact that it can talk is both good and bad. Good because it can understand other Pokemon and relay their thoughts back to humans and bad because it can get annoying at times. And why are more people not surprised when they come across it? They refer to it casually as “a talking Meowth.” How many of those do you see?

#213: Nidoran M

A tough little guy. Nidoran M was mainly cool because of what it later evolved to be. For that a welcome early addition to my party in RBY.

#212: Walrein

Walrein is a beast on hail teams. Completely unrelated note, but walruses have been showing up quite frequently in my life in some shape or form.

#211: Delcatty

Delcatty seems like one of those Pokemon that snotty, filthy-rich people would own. I think it looks nice, but gives off this gaudy aura. Unnecessarily fancy.

#210: Skitty

Has much more appeal than Delcatty in my opinion because it doesn’t seem as high-class. Also it’s cute. And its anime run was impressive.

#209: Oddish

Oddish looks like a cute vegetable and despite the fact that it’s so damn common, I don’t mind it. A lot of people complain how much they hate Zubat and the like because they’re so common but it doesn’t bother me that much…most of the time.

#208: Larvitar

I was actually a little annoyed by Larvitar’s appearance on the anime. I’ve always had it in my mind before that Larvitar would be this powerful primary form but Ash gets stuck with a baby that can’t really do anything. I’m liking the design though even if I don’t care much for the line.

#207: Mawile

It looks nice. One of the few Pokemon that manage to look more feminine to me. That’s seriously why it ranks up here. Also, I doubt many people have seen Mawile’s back sprite since they haven’t used one before but it looks pretty awesome.

#206: Bellsprout

Bellsprout had that anime appearance where it utterly defeated two of Ash’s Pokemon (IIRC) before losing to Muk. That brings it up to #206.

#205: Cacnea

Why does Team Rocket eventually get rid of every Pokemon they get? I understand giving more screentime to the new Pokemon but Jessie and James could have had a pretty kickass team between the two of them if they had kept all of their Pokemon. Cacnea wasn’t even on the team for too long, at least it feels that way to me. Introduced in Hoenn, James gave it away to Gardenia, second gym leader in Sinnoh. So yeah, not that long. The hugging thing was one of the gimmicks to get old really fast for me, but Cacnea was a cool little guy.

#204: Ekans

Other than being an original Team Rocket member, Ekans also got a really fun minigame in Pokemon Stadium where you had to wrap it around a Diglett. And the sound it makes whenever it was sent out was one of the more memorable ones to me. Ekanssssssssssssssssssssss. Incidentally, did you know that Ekans is snake backwards?!

#203: Flygon

Flygon looks more like a bug than a dragon to me, specifically a dragonfly which are insects…not dragons. But I guess making it a bug type would have made it crappier and people love dragon types.

#202: Torterra

Why does the Pokedex say that this is a Continent Pokemon? What does that even mean? It looks like some dinosaur/turtle with a ****ing tree on its back. You would think I have more to say about Torterra, being a starter evolution and all but I really don’t…

#201: Lucario

In my humble (or possibly crappy) opinion, Lucario is one of the most overrated Pokemon in existence, quite possibly THE most overrated. Unlike other people who immediately had an orgasm the moment they saw it, I passed over Lucario with a ‘meh.’ Then I heard the fast-spreading news about how Lucario was suddenly the greatest Pokemon ever and a lot of people speculated that it was a legendary because it got its own movie and such. It may be a stupid reason to not like something, but a large part of the reason I don’t think Lucario is the greatest thing ever stems from the fact that it’s popular. If something is so well-liked that you start seeing it everywhere you go, it gets to a point where you get this moderate dislike for it, especially if you didn’t think it was that great in the first place. I started seeing it on everybody and their mother’s team in the early days because ‘it looked so cool.’ If a talk came up anywhere about Pokemon, Lucario was undoubtedly mentioned and talk would ensue for a couple hours about how great it was. A lot of the talk died down after a while but then oh what’s this? Super Smash Bros. Brawl came out?! And it has Lucario in it?! Commence another five months of nothing but Lucario talk. Speaking of Smash, it’s another small reason why Lucario is not as warmly received by me and just misses out on the top 200. Melee, along with Pokemon is the game I have probably put most of my gaming time into. The reason why I haven’t had the chance to play other games, including some of the more popular series is because of Smash. I played ten minutes of FFX and I realized now as I am typing this that the farthest I have gotten in a Zelda game is the second dungeon in WindWaker and Twilight Princess (farthest I have gotten means I didn’t beat the dungeon).

All that being said, I was just as excited for Brawl as the next person but upon a few weeks after release, it was apparent that Brawl was not the game that I had been waiting for. I’m sure you have all heard by now the complaints about the game so not going to get deeply into that but one of the many, many problems I have with Brawl is that they replaced Mewtwo with Lucario. A lot of people don’t mind it, saying that Mewtwo sucked in Melee anyways, Lucario is more popular, etc. But to have one of the most classic, badass Pokemon replaced by a newcomer, no matter how popular it was crushed me. And Brawl being the major disappointment that it turned out to be affects Lucario that much more for being in a crappy game and not being able to shut up about the aura. Despite all that, I do have to admit that Lucario manages to look good in some ways (gym battle with Maylene versus Buizel in the anime) and that gives it a few plus points.

#200: Wobbuffet

We kick off the top 200 with another overrated Pokemon (in my opinion). Being on Team Rocket has both its pros and cons for Wobbuffet. On the plus side it has had some epic moments but on the minus side, I do eventually get tired of seeing it and it’s not the greatest thing to look at. Game-wise, despite only being able to learn five or so moves, Wobbuffet has one of the most broken movesets in the game when used with its ability. Counter/Mirror Coat/Encore/Safeguard along with huge HP and Shadow Tag is one of the most broken sets in the game but I think it’s hilarious that Wobbuffet can do this.

#199: Breloom

Breloom is pretty cool. Being the only able Pokemon besides Parasect to learn Spore is definitely a plus. And Subpunching can get annoying. Competitive play is where I’ve seen Breloom the most so that’s what affects its ranking the most. I’ve never actually used one but I’ve seen a lot on other teams and it’s almost always been a burden with combinations of Spore/Leech Seed and whatnot.

#198: Tyranitar

Tyranitar is another Pokemon whose ranking is mostly affected by what I’ve seen from competitive play. And to be honest, I’m not fond of it. It used to be infuriating whenever I saw someone send out a T-tar. Sandstorm is a ***** and T-tar in general can be really lame to verse. Again, if I had ever used one on one of my teams I think it would be higher as it is rather useful. But what keeps me from using it is that I don’t really like it in the first place so I don’t ever see myself using one in the future. Design-wise I’m not that impressed. Partly because everyone else seems to like it when I don’t think it’s that great (see Lucario).

#197: Blissey

Blissey was one of the first Pokemon that I started to hate seeing when I started competitive battling. This thing has such ridiculous amount of HP that makes it the ultimate special sponge. In Advance, every time I was battling and Blissey came out, I wanted to punch my monitor because it was so damn annoying to kill off and usually wouldn’t happen unless my opponent was dumb enough to stay in on my Machamp Cross Chop or something like that. Then DP came and to my initial shame, I was using a Blissey on my team. And now that I was using it and also because Blissey was easier to take down than previous generations, (mixed sweepers and such), the fat pink blob didn’t become that infuriating to me anymore. I don’t really see much Blissey now and that helps it. Like some of the other Pokemon I’m not a fan of, I have to give it props for being so damn good. But unlike the others, I was actually willing to use one because it’s not so damn ugly…not the best looking thing but it’s tolerable.

#196: Staraptor

I really really like the haircut.

#195: Latios

Blah blah blah. Boring legendary.

#194: Gallade

Reminds me of 300.

#193: Carnivine

I had a Carnivine on my original team in Pearl but I had to eventually ditch it for Abomasnow to beat the Elite Four. It only knew physical moves yet it had a Modest nature (+Sp Atk, -Atk) and it was severely underleveled and as time went on I didn’t see the point of training it any further. So I had to box it. Sorry about that Carnivine.

#192: Heracross

It must have been ridiculously frustrating to try and obtain a Heracross in GSC. The only way to get it IIRC was by headbutting trees, one of the most tedious ways to try and catch Pokemon ever. Not to mention the fact that you mostly got stuff you could catch anywhere like Weedle and Spearow. In the anime, the sap sucking did get a little annoying and even bordered on creepy sometimes. Competitive wise, Heracross has never really managed to cause me trouble but that’s probably because I have always coincidentally had a Heracross counter on my team. It can still get pretty scary sometimes with Guts.

#191: Togetic

Togetic is a really good looking Pokemon. But it is so horrible in battle, at least in the earlier gens. Being specially oriented but being two physical types is not good. It results in really weak attacks. What bothers me most is that I actually spent time training Togepi, evolving it, and getting Togetic to level 50 or so before finding out that it did in fact suck. What a waste of time.

#190: Noctowl

Noctowl had a good run on the anime, with it being a shiny and all. It also looked way better in battle than it actually is in the games (but then again, what Pokemon hasn’t?). I also just like owls.

#189: Forretress

How come Brock only brought his Forretress with him to Hoenn? Of all things, Forretress? Not that Forretress is bad by any means but Brock had better Pokemon in his arsenal.

#188: Venomoth

Venomoth is up here mainly because I used it in my UU RBY team. Double Powder is nice.

#187: Entei

The first of the legendary dogs/cats/beasts/guinea pigs to show up, Entei looks badass but falls short in my opinion of backing that up. He’s the worst competitively as are most fire types but my main problem with it comes with the third movie. I’ll admit that I don’t remember much of it as it has been a while since I saw it, but if I recall correctly, Entei basically spends the entire movie listening to a little girl and does whatever she wants. How can you be a legendary Pokemon if you’re that easily controlled by prepubescent females? What a chump.

#186: Ariados

In one of my playthroughs of Gold/Silver, Ariados was actually the Pokemon that I used to beat Clair…with Night Shade. Otherwise I imagine Kingdra would have been way harder to take down as it only has one weakness which is almost impossible to exploit at that point in the game. Besides that, Ariados just looks like a badass spider.

#185: Altaria

I remember upon seeing Altaria, I proclaimed it as one of my favorite Pokemon from then onwards because I thought it looked really ‘elegant’ and ‘beautiful’. Obviously, things have changed. The cloud body couldn’t do it for me anymore and it has huge cheeks. Add being one of the more annoying Pokemon in UU to face and it drops Altaria a couple spots.

#184: Infernape

One of the most useful starter forms in battle next to Swampert, Infernape and its pre evolutions are the ONLY new fire Pokemon introduced in the fourth gen that you are able to obtain before getting the National Dex (the other two are Magmortar and Heatran, two of the ugliest Pokemon ever, never mind just the fourth gen). So if you’re looking for a fire type to beat the game with, your choices are either limited to Infernape or Rapidash. And it is ridiculous that they made an Elite Four member have his type of preference be fire when there are only two possible ****ing fire Pokemon lines to get. Flint is a douche. This write up is not actually about Infernape, I guess but I don’t really have a lot to say about it.

#183: Grumpig

I used to really like Grumpig before it became an annoying Pokemon to deal with in UU. From what I’ve seen not a lot of people are a fan of it which kind of saddens me because I legitimately think it’s a nice design despite being based on a pig.

#182: Turtwig

First actual starter to show up. Turtwig is not bad by any means but I think the other starters are just better.

#181: Staryu

Hyah! Why did Staryu sound male while Starmie sounded female in the anime? And why did Misty use Staryu more? Was it stronger or did she leave Starmie at the gym or something?

#180: Lanturn

Lanturn’s all right. I don’t get why so many people seem to love it though. I have a Lanturn sticker on one of my bookcases that’s been on there for about eight years. I got it as a Cracker Jack prize and some dumbass who came over decided to stick it on one of my bookcases.

#179: Starmie

Starmie was a nice little Pokemon to have on your team during Advance with it having Rapid Spin and being able to kill off Skarm. I nicknamed my Starmie “Vibrator” because I was stupid and thought things like that were hilarious. I’m not crazy about the design because it doesn’t really look like it’s alive with it not having a face or anything but it’s a classic Pokemon. Oh and one of the first hentai pics I saw was of Misty naked on a Starmie.

#178: Kabutops

Kabutops is THE most badass looking fossil Pokemon, hands down. Also in Pokemon Stadium, the rental Kabutops had Mega Kick as one of its moves and the way it did its move was totally badass. It stuck its claws into the ground and kind of did a jump, sending out this blue beam as it fell on the ground.

#177: Lugia

Lugia can talk! It’s an okay Pokemon but after the RBY legendary birds, Lugia and Ho-oh felt subpar.

#176: Raikou

Better than Entei but I still get annoyed when I see Raikou in battle. It was damn annoying to stop with its Sub/Calm Mind sets. Raaaaaaaaaaaawr. Raikou still hasn’t showed up in my LeafGreen.

#175: Kingler

Kingler kicked ass in its first battle ever after evolving from Krabby. I think its design is pretty bland though. It just looks like a crab with a gigantic pincher.

#174: Kingdra

Kingdra is a beast in the rain. But Seadra’s better.

#173: Azumarill

I like this line. And you wouldn’t expect it by looking at it but Azumarill has Pure Power as its ability which doubles its attack. What?! I’ve personally never used it because it wasn’t that good last time I checked (Advance) but I heard in DP it’s pretty useful in UU because of the physical/special split.

#172: Abomasnow

I was psyched that there was an Ice/Grass Pokemon. It wasn’t a type combination we had seen before so naturally it was exciting. I don’t know what to think about weather-changing abilities because sometimes they’re useful and other times they’re bothersome. Constant hail gives Blizzard 100% accuracy and powers up ice moves in general. But hail teams are annoying as hell to fight especially with Walrein in them.

#171: Vigoroth

So much better than the other members of its line, Vigoroth ranks way higher than both of them mostly because it doesn’t have a horrible ability and actually has a really good one. Plus it looks better. I do kind of have to feel sorry for Vigoroth. It starts out as a Slakoth that does not move and then evolves into Vigoroth, a kick-ass Pokemon that can actually run around and do stuff and then it turns into a fat, lazy mother****er again.

#170: Empoleon

There’s just something off about Empoleon to me. Its face doesn’t seem like a face…just a giant fork. Empoleon can really do damage in battle using the Agility/Petaya set up. Prrreeetty good.

#169: Raticate 

Super Fang is the ****. And Raticate in general is awesome. Early game Pokemon but it still looks badass.

#168: Honchkrow

Believe it or not, the only reason I’m putting Honchkrow this high is because of that pimp hat. I don’t know much about it battle wise except that it’s under testing for UU right now at smogon. But that hat! OH damn.

#167: Goldeen

Goldeen’s up this high because I thought it was ****ing hilarious that every time Misty sent it out on land it would just flop around uselessly. I mean, what do you expect? It was in SSBM doing the same thing which I thought would suit Magikarp better. And I actually like Goldeen’s looks. It looks really good for a fish. And then it has to evolve into ugly Seaking…

#166: Poliwrath

Poliwrath’s been dropping on my list lately. It just doesn’t look that appealing to me as it did when I was little. And water/fighting is not that good of a combination. Belly Drum and Water Absorb are sexy though.

#165: Blaziken

They certainly did know how to introduce Blaziken. One of the best battles in Pokemon with Charizard. And at the time it got everybody hyped about Blaziken because it apparently looked so cool. And you couldn’t go wrong with Charizard. Now that it’s been a while since Blaziken’s introduced I feel like some of the initial appeal it had has died down for me. Now it’s just there.

#164: Kyogre

My complaint about some legendaries are that they don’t look legendary enough. They don’t look epic and fail to strike that ‘legendary’ feeling. But Kyogre is possibly the legendary Pokemon that defines this concept. There IS this awe-inspiring feeling that I get when I see it. It DOES look like it can totally ****ing destroy the world by flooding it. And because of that, Kyogre is a true legendary.

#163: Azelf

Stealth Rock/Taunt/Explosion. Those three moves are pretty much all awesome. So Azelf being able to have them all is awesome. I really love Explosion as a move but don’t get a chance to use it often as most Pokemon that have it in its movepool are ugly or can’t really utilize it well (Heatran/Magnezone/Bronzong, etc.). Azelf is different because it doesn’t look like complete **** and can actually use it well. Plus Taunt is always nice.

#162: Weavile

Doesn’t measure up to Sneasel. Interesting thing to note is that when Weavile was revealed it renewed my interest in Sneasel because I saw how awesome Sneasel was at that time. I liked it before but being physically oriented while being two special types didn’t work out too well for Sneasel. To make it work you had to use Swords Dance or something to set it up and often times it wasn’t even worth it. But Weavile is one of the few evolutions that I welcomed in DP even if it didn’t look as good.

#161: Vespiquen

Vespiquen looks like a nasty little thing that would love to **** you up by sending its army of Combee after you. That face looks evil. I like Vespiquen because it stands out to me over most of the crap that is 4th gen. And the queen bee concept is nice although I must imagine that it’s frustrating to try and obtain (87.5/12.5 ratio of Combee being male/female; only female Combee can evolve; get Combee from trees from which you get 1 Pokemon per 12 hours or something like that.) Stealth Rock kind of ruins Vespiquen’s uses though as it takes 50% every time. Grr.

#160: Ratatta

When my Ratatta finally learned Hyper Fang I was destroying things right and left with the thing. Early game Ratatta was ridiculously useful (at least to me) taking down psychics with low defense who were otherwise rigged in RBY. Also Ratatta has insane nostalgic appeal as it is one of the first Pokemon you see. Good times.

#159: Kadabra

Kadabra has spent a lot of time on almost everybody’s party when they were wishing that it was an Alakazam instead. Stupid trade evolution system.

#158: Cresselia

Cresselia was what I turned to after getting into DP to take special hits because I didn’t want to use Blissey. It was also better looking than my other choices. I like ducks.

#157: Seel

And the winner for the most original name goes to…Seel! Seel is just too cute.

#156: Poliwhirl

I think this has been mentioned before but what was with Poliwhirl randomly being thrown in there with all the other iconic Pokemon in promotional stuff? Like the Burger King gold thingies they gave out. There was Pikachu, Mewtwo and other more important Pokemon and I ended up getting Poliwhirl both times I ordered in hopes of getting one. Besides Sharpedo and Gyarados, Poliwhirl was my first ever shiny which I got in my Silver version. At that point, I didn’t know what a shiny was but the shiny appeared right after I caught another Poliwhirl to try and fill my Dex. It had the little star shining thing so I decided what the hell, I’ll throw a couple of balls at it. And back then I didn’t know how to appreciate a shiny because I had no idea just how rare they were. So I don’t remember what exactly happened to it…sigh.

#155: Torchic

It’s cute. And the screentime it got on the anime made it grow on me. I stopped caring when it evolved though.

#154: Ursaring

RAWR! Ursaring is a beast. I know I’ve said that before about a lot of Pokemon but Ursaring will seriously tear your ****ing head off with its 130 base attack plus Guts. Holy **** this thing is strong.

#153: Cyndaquil

Cyndaquil was pretty awesome in the anime with its whole storyline of being unable to produce fire at first and then later tearing **** up with Steelix and other Pokemon.

#152: Hitmonchan

I always have to feel bad for Hitmonchan as it’s the least useful of all the Hitmons and gets **** for wearing a skirt and stuff like that. And when I was little I was psyched about Hitmonchan because of the elemental punches and ran a Thunderpunch/Ice Punch/Fire Punch/Mega Punch set and thought it was the greatest set ever. And then I found out about physical/special splits and was sad. Thankfully, special/physical splits worked to Hitmonchan’s favor in DPP as it can actually use elemental punches now. But it still sucks…

#151: Mew

The definitive ‘secondary’ legendary I guess. When I say secondary I actually mean the more secret legendary that’s always surrounded by rumors, stories of glitches and such. There was that rumor with the SS Anne holding the chest to Mew and other variations. Making its debut in the first movie, Mew was the new thing for a while at least around where I was. Kids were bragging everywhere how they got a Mew and stuff like that. Mew can also learn EVERY TM IN THE GAME being one of, if not the most versatile Pokemon around (I think Smeargle takes first as it can learn every move IIRC). Looks wise, I think Mew is the best out of all the 100 base stat legendaries (the others being Celebi, Jirachi, Manaphy, Shaymin) hands down because it is so damn cute. That scene where it keeps bouncing with the bubble boosts its appeal by a couple points I think.

#150: Latias

I guess I am generally more drawn to feminine things as it is often more aesthetically pleasing than masculine things in my opinion. And there’s the common idea that male things are associated with toughness and strength and that female things are associated with grace and beauty. So Latias ranks higher than Latios. It is not because it’s female that it’s higher but I think that it looks better. The facial expression on its face makes it look more appealing. Cute.

#149: Cacturne

Harley is an awesome and sexy character. The fact that he dresses up as a Cacturne is either creepy or amazing. Apparently, his cookies are really good.

#148: Hitmontop

I once saw a Star Wars based team with Hitmontop as Han Solo. Hahaha.

#147: Gligar

Gligar is one of the few Pokemon that increased its placing with the release of DP. Gliscor being awesome brought up Gligar with it. Never really thought much of it before.

#146: Houndour

Paling in comparison to Houndoom, Houndour is nevertheless a badass puppy that I wouldn’t mind having around my house…as long as it was trained.

#145: Marill

Tracy in the anime was the first to introduce Marill if I remember correctly with its sensitive hearing to track things down. But the real reason Marill is up here is because I have a trading card that makes it look unbelievably cute.

#144: Glameow

Glameow is one of the Pokemon that are so vastly superior than its evolution that it’s not even funny. The biggest problem with Glameow is that it evolves into Purugly so that one day future Glameow owners will have to worry about theirs evolving uncontrollably so they get an ugly piece of crap like Purugly.

#143: Ampharos

I was fairly surprised to see how much people liked Ampharos. Never struck me as that notable. My brother has a trading card of it that looks amazing.

#142: Typhlosion

A fire type being able to learn Thunderpunch was mind blowing to me as a kid and Typhlosion was the first one I saw do that so to this day, that’s what comes into my head whenever I see it. Oh and it looks badass.

#141: Clefairy

By now you can probably guess the reason Clefairy’s up here. Cute. And it looks better than Clefable which look slightly fat. They decided to make Metronome Clefairy’s signature move in the anime and every time one appeared, there ended up being a lot more of them and they would all use Metronome eventually blowing something up. What’s up with Metronome always blowing something up? I thought it was supposed to be a random move…

#140: Treecko

Ash’s Treecko was a little punk that thought it looked cool by having a stick in its mouth. Although I have to admit it did look pretty cool (at least to me back then). It’s the only grass starter that’s able to walk upright which I thought it was a nice change since I thought that the grass type starters could look kind of awkward standing next to the water and fire type starters who were standing.

#139: Cherrim

YES CHERRIES!

#138: Spoink

If you’ve read one of Spoink’s Pokedex entries it says something that it can never stop bouncing otherwise its heart will stop. Most depressing Pokemon ever? The episode that featured it had Spoink losing its jewel/pearl thingy and had it putting all types of crap on its head including a Magikarp. Funny stuff.

#137: Chimchar

I didn’t watch much DP just a couple episodes and a few clips but what I did see of Chimchar seriously impressed me. The battle scenes with Chimchar in it were really fun to watch and it looked badass. And it actually made me feel sorry for it as that guy that owned it (Paul/Shinji) was a total douche. And then the release. And then joining Ash’s team. Augh. Moving.

#136: Glaceon

First Eeveelution to show up. Ice being one of my favorite types, I thought that I would be a lot more excited over Glaceon but as time passes, Glaceon proves to fall short of expectations. It’s not much use in battle and while design-wise it’s not terrible, the other Eeveelutions blow it out of the water. It’s cool that May has one though.

#135: Feraligatr

I was shocked when I first saw someone online call Feraligatr ugly. It’s not ugly! It looks cool. Previously being not that good, Feraligatr got some tricks in DP with Swords Dance and physical water attacks. I started with Totodile the first time I played my Silver and was stoked that Croconaw evolved so early at level 30 giving me this ****ing beast so early in the game. And I was spelling its name for the longest time. There is no ‘o’ at the end. It’s g-a-t-r. wtf?

#134: Beedrill

So many memories of Beedrill. Most recognizable for being in a gang of other Beedrill chasing people down. Thing to note, what happens when the gang of Beedrill actually catch the people it’s chasing? I would imagine they all take turns stinging them but something seems a little odd about that since real bees die once they sting you.

#133: Geodude

One of the best names a Pokemon has. Seriously. Geo-DUDE. It’s also recognizable as one of Brock’s first Pokemon and it gets bonus points for that. It’s a floating rock with arms with an awesome name! Come on.

#132: Horsea

The sick Horsea storyline in the anime I actually really liked and I just really like cute things.

#131: Rhyhorn

Rhyhorn is one of the many pissed off Pokemon looking to run things over. It certainly looks badass enough to do it. In one of the early episodes that featured a Pokemon race (Rapidash vs. Dodrio) there was one guy riding on a Rhyhorn who couldn’t continue when he reached the lake. The Rhyhorn stepped on one of the stones and started sinking. How can they even show that?! What’ll become of it now?!

#130: Rhydon

Rhydon can also run you down except now it can do it with two legs. The defense and attack on this thing is amazing although its low special defense is what causes it to fall. Infinitely better than its unneeded evolution introduced in Rhyperior. And who can forget AIM FOR THE HORN!?

#129: Seviper

I can’t decide if Jessie’s Seviper being caught after Jessie lost her hair and went ape**** on it is sad or not. What kind of Pokemon are you when you get beat down by a lousy human? But if I remember correctly, Seviper helped Jessie win her first contest along with Dustox so massive bonus points for that.

#128: Ponyta

I don’t know about you but I’m almost positive that I would be burned by sitting on a Ponyta no matter how much “I trust it.” But fire horses are always cool. And Ponyta has an innocent aura that makes it appealing to me.

#127: Roserade

I did not like Roserade once it first came out much like the majority of the 4th gen Pokemon. But Roserade has since then really climbed up my rankings as I used it for a while in my UU team. Pretty handy and I’ve looked past its shortcomings in design and its inferiority to Roselia since then.

#126: Dragonite

I know a lot of people like Dragonite but I’ve always been more or so repelled by the more popular things. Besides, its pre evos look better. And Dragonite looks too nice in default pics/sprites to be a 600 base stat total. The others (T-tar, Gross, Mence, Chomp) look all pissed off but Dragonite looks like something that you can actually keep around the house so it’s surprising that it can be so strong. Except Lance’s Dragonite in the manga. That thing looked beastly.

#125: Salamence

I didn’t really notice until somebody pointed it out to me, but Salamence is kind of…fat. Or just big. Take your pick. Originally putting Dragonite out of a job in Advance, Salamence has so many options now as it can do about anything these days except defensive roles but on the offensive it is a monster. Mixmence can put a hurting on a lot of things and is my preferred set but Specs and DD are cool too. Salamence got this new move called Draco Meteor. I heard it’s pretty good. >_>

#124: Sceptile

Inferior in the looks department compared to its pre-evos but this thing makes up for it with the potential to be one of the most annoying Pokemon to face in battle. You basically send it out on something that it scares (e.g. Swampert) and Leech Seed the incoming Pokemon. Then you proceed to Substitute as long as it’s not faster and can’t use T-wave to cripple you or something. If they break the sub, you’re still regaining health from the Seed so you can keep subbing until they decide to switch out at which point you are probably under a Sub and can Seed again, starting the whole process over. If you can take down their phazer or other fast Pokes beforehand this thing can get annoying fast. And I love it for that. Just not when it’s being used against me like everything else.

#123: Delibird

I think Delibird is hilarious with its whole present gimmick. It was hilarious in the anime, it was hilarious in Stadium and it was hilarious in whatever else it happened to be in. Too bad its stats are so horrible that it can’t really be used for anything.

#122: Piplup

It was either the first or second episode of DP that I watched that Piplup debuted. And it was just so cute despite being a brat that I had to like it.

#121: Swellow

Although it is an early bird Pokemon that looks a little generic Swellow can be insane in battle with Guts and Façade. And sometimes I like simplicity in design. I think it was one of the few Pokemon on Ash’s team I liked during the Hoenn arc because it was that badass.

#120: Golbat

I know some people are thinking it’s about time that Golbat showed up but I really legitimately like this line. And I know the reason that most people don’t like the line is that they are constantly showing up in caves and all that but it doesn’t really bother me that much (honestly!). Golbat is a sick looking Pokemon that I don’t think can ever close its mouth from what I can recall and its RB sprite was awesome (the one with the giant tongue sticking out and spit flying everywhere).

#119: Onix

From watching the anime, you would never guess how weak Onix actually is. I know they make almost every Pokemon look overpowered on the anime but Onix is seriously weak. Its base attack stat is equal to a Wurmple’s at 45. A Wurmple. Wurmple. That fact destroyed my image of Onix as a Pokemon that could actually do something. But it is one of Brock’s staple Pokemon who was introduced early on and had some badass moments.

#118: Mismagius

Mismagius is really only up here because Misdreavus brings it up a couple spots for being in the same line.

#117: Primeape

Definitely one of the most badass Pokemon Ash has ever had which he gave away after like two episodes...<_<. Starting out as a Mankey who stole Ash’s favorite hat which was later replaced by a new hat that looked completely inferior, Primeape almost instantaneously became a kickass Pokemon that ended up winning the fighting championship thingy. And then Ash gives it away. What a dummy.

#116: Bayleef

The way it says its name is so cute. Same could be said for Chikorita. If I recall correctly, Meganium’s voice was WTF.

#115: Zubat

I always have to feel like I have to defend Zubat whenever people start talking about it if it comes up in the “Pokemon I hate” thread. But I can’t because I do think that appearing every five seconds in every cave in the game is a legitimate reason to dislike a Pokemon. So I just sit there quietly and let poor Zubat take all that abuse. So part of the reason Zubat gets spot #115 is to make up for all those times I was about to defend you but didn’t. Honestly, the encounter rates don’t bother me that much. Whether it’s because I rarely look for Pokemon in games or I’m more interested in the competitive aspects of Pokemon rather than the in-game, seeing Zubat every time a wild Pokemon appears doesn’t bother me. Also, I use repels when going through caves. And Zubat has a really nice design. Never thought something without eyes could be so appealing. And it can manage to look cute but still awesome when it’s around blood.

#114: Machoke

I like the whole line but Machoke also has the middle evolution syndrome where it doesn’t match up to either Machop or Machamp but nevertheless it can do well for itself. Also it’s a trade evolution which automatically sucks. Whereas Machop and Machamp come off to me as being more refined or composed, Machoke can come off as being more unpolished and pissed off especially from seeing certain types of artwork featuring it.

#113: Mightyena

Mightyena reminds me of the pet that I always wanted. It looks loyal, friendly and fluffy but it can be fierce and be ready to bite the nuts off anyone when you need it to be. Wolves are my favorite animals and Mightyena just so happens to look like one. Either that or a dog but wolves and dogs are in the same family and dogs are cool too so it doesn’t really matter. Point being, although Mightyena is one of the more crappier fully-evolved Pokemon in terms of battle, it has significance for me in its design.

#112: Nidoran F

Nidoran gets a lot of props for getting into the Contest. And yes that’s a lot of the reason why it’s up here. And it looks cute.

#111: Magikarp

Possibly the greatest joke Pokemon ever although I’m not sure ‘joke’ is the right term to use. Magikarp has pretty much a legacy of being the Pokemon you would most hate to have your team swept by but would most love to see someone else get swept by because it would be so damn funny to see someone lose their whole team to a Magikarp, often portrayed as one of the weakest Pokemon ever. I never actually bought a Magikarp from the guy before Mt. Moon but I can imagine the initial frustration of the people who did and the pain they went through to level it up. And the Magikarp guy who showed up in the anime was hilarious. But it looks a little ugly and while I do appreciate all the laughs Magikarp has provided, aside from that it doesn’t have much going for it.

#110: Butterfree

Butterfree was the best Pokemon Ash had for a while, getting him out of a lot of tough spots. And I do believe “Bye Bye Butterfree” was one of the most touching/cute/memorable/sad episodes ever at least it seemed to me that way. Butterfree’s ability in the game, Compoundeyes is pretty much the only reason why it was ever used as it gives you a 97.5% (something like that) chance of landing Sleep Powder which was very nice.

#109: Quilava

Names that begin with Q (and X) automatically stick out to me because they’re so rare and I think Quilava rolls off the tongue nicely. It has a sleekness about it that’s missing from Typhlosion and I just think it looks better.

#108: Pichu

Not only do I think Pichu is one of the cutest Pokemon ever, it was also in SSBM so that’s a plus. Despite the fact that it was a joke character and a ‘waste of space’ Pichu provided me with some good times as there are some points that make me want to play Pichu over Pikachu sometimes. It’s faster, has better taunts, better costumes, and it can sleep when you hold down. Pichu is not the worst character in the game by the way, that title belongs to Kirby.

#107: Dratini

Too bad that episode featuring Dratini in which Ash also caught 30 Tauros, Meowth was dressed as Hitler and a gun was fired never got shown in the US. And if I recall correctly, Dratini never got introduced in the anime. Which sucks because it looked so cute in that episode.

#106: Magmar

Magmar is kind of ugly. But it is nowhere near ugly as Magmortar. I had never taken much notice of Magmar before but after DP and along with it the abomination known as Magmortar came out, my appreciation level for Magmar skyrocketed and I started seeing it in a way better light. And Blaine’s Magmar was awesome.

#105: Poliwag

Introduced in the episode where somebody got sick, Poliwag provided the public with more cute episodes after it decided to follow Misty. It stopped when it evolved though.

#104: Donphan

Donphan was actually introduced in the first movie so it was among the first Johto Pokemon to be shown. I can’t really think of any particular reason I like it but it has nice stats and had a respectable run on the anime.

#103: Scizor

Despite being the most overused Pokemon since it got Bullet Punch, Scizor doesn’t get to me or annoy me as much as other overused Pokemon. In fact, I hardly mind it. A lot of it has to do with how it looks since it doesn’t look as bad as some of the previously overused Pokemon in the past. And it’s not infuriatingly annoying for me to deal with unlike Celebi or Zapdos. When Scizor first became the most overused Pokemon it really came out of nowhere for me as I don’t really recall Scizor being used much before then other than as a BPer. Personally I’m liking Scizor’s position as most overused Pokemon because it prevents something worse from taking that spot.

#102: Totodile

I once stole a Totodile trading card from one of my friends because it looked so cool. I still have it. My original first choice for starter in Silver. Although it doesn’t measure up to Squirtle, Totodile still had some awesome moments in the anime. Also looks good. Not a fan of it taking after Brock though.

#101: Lopunny

Tribute to the Playboy bunny. You would think Klutz would be one of the worst abilities ever but Switcheroo makes it useful. Good stuff.

#100: Phanpy

Is Phanpy cute or what? Yes this is another Pokemon that I’m ranking high because it’s cute. But can you seriously blame me? This thing was awesome as soon as it hatched from that egg. It has the playful, loving personality that makes children so appealing but none of the crap that kids can do such as crying, screaming, not being able to go to the bathroom, etc. that make them so disgusting and totally undesirable in the end. Every time I imagine Phanpy it’s happy. Playing around, battling, whatever it’s doing, it does it with an air of innocence that makes me like it so much. And I just read from its Dex entry that it can carry fully grown humans with ease so more points for that. Rollouting out.

#99: Buneary

It’s cute. Sue me. And now that I think about it I guess I have a fondness for bunnies/rabbits. As I was first going through my Pearl, I saw a Buneary, caught it and kept it in my party from then on. By level 30 or something, I had loved it soooooooo much that it evolved. It ended up being pretty much useless in my quest to take down the Elite Four + Champion so it didn’t get to see much battle. Anime voice for Buneary is awful though. Eww that does not sound cute but strangely and disgustingly deep. And wtf with it randomly knowing Ice Beam…

#98: Scyther

Scyther reminds me of a dinosaur. Something about those teeth. Tracy’s old man Scyther was kickass which was about one of the only things good about him. Being one of the rare Pokemon in the Safari Zone, but I remember catching one and not knowing what the hell to do with it since Bug was/is a crappy type so it couldn’t really do anything back then. It’s always been one of the cooler looking Pokemon being a mantis and all with ****ing scythes for hands that will decapitate you. So I guess it can’t really pick anything up. I just read its DP Dex info and laughed. ''It is nearly impossible to parry its attacking scythes. Its movements are like a ninja's.'' What if the ninja in question was slow? Scizor gets a massive drop in speed for an increase in attack and defense so before it got Bullet Punch I guess Scyther was somewhat viable for those who preferred speed. It had Swords Dance and 110 attack so it wasn’t terrible. One of my earliest memories of Scyther was when two people I knew arranged a trade for exclusives (Scyther for Pinsir) way back in the days. The guy who was trading the Scyther nicknamed it ‘****you’ and once something was traded, its nickname couldn’t be changed. As a kid I thought it was hilarious that the guy with the Blue version who got the Scyther had to deal with the game saying ‘Go ****you’ every time he sent it out. One factor that brings Scyther down a little is that it was once my brother’s favorite Pokemon and me not wanting to be anything like my brother tried to disassociate myself with anything he liked and therefore ended up not liking Scyther as much as some Pokemon.

#97: Bellossom

I like watching Bellossom dance. At least for like five seconds before it gets old. Anyways, battle wise Bellossom doesn’t see much, if any use I recall because it’s basically a worse Vileplume and I don’t think even Vileplume sees that much use. But it’s just appealing to me. I do think it has aesthetic value and that is mainly the reason that it makes it up here. Bellossom has that happy atmosphere around it too. Something to brighten up the day when you’re feeling down and things that can do that have a special place in my heart. I get randomly depressed sometimes so I like these happy things.

#96: Nidorino

Nidorino has a kickass horn. My image for Nidorino comes mainly from the trading card I have of it where it looks angry as hell…at least the way I remember it. Nidorino was the one in the original RBY intro fighting the Gengar and in the first episode also fighting the Gengar. There is no way that a Nidorino should be able to beat a Gengar…at all but I remember it actually putting up a fight. The male Nido line has an edge over the female line not only because Nidoking > Nidoqueen competitively in almost every situation but also because Nidorino > Nidorina. Nidorina is the worst Nido IMO and has an awesome counterpart in Nidorino. But yeah…that horn…

#95: Pidgeot

I know I’m not the only one that got pissed off when Ash released Pidgeot. He had been carrying a Pidgeotto for the longest time since the first few episodes to the end of the season so I would imagine that people were wondering if and when it would ever evolve. And when it finally does in one epic moment, he ends up releasing it. RIGHT AFTER IT EVOLVES. Being the final evolution of the early, generic bird Pokemon we all know and love, Pidgeot has a lot of memories attached to it. It’s not really strong or even that fast and its defenses are downright bad but I still carried it around in my party in many of my playthroughs of Red/Blue. There was a sense of accomplishment whenever my Pidgeotto evolved because I know I could have taken the ‘easy’ way out and gotten a Fearow or Dodrio or something that could make good use of its flying typing but I stuck with the Pidgey that I had from the beginning. Was it worth it? Well that’s another question entirely.

#94: Pidgeotto

Pidgeotto had a trading card of it that was rare which is uncommon for Pokemon that are in the middle of their evolution line. It had a really long run on the anime and had frequent appearances, Ash having caught it somewhere along the fourth episode if I recall correctly. Other than getting more screentime than its other forms, Pidgeotto is a nicer name than Pidgeot because it’s more fun to say those extra syllables rather than ending it at the ‘ot’. In one of my old games on Red, I had an entire box devoted to Pidgeotto. It happened when I was in the grass for some reason that I am unable to remember at this time but I ran into a wild Pidgeotto. I was already carrying a Pidgeot in my party but that was the one I had raised since it was a Pidgey and I wanted a Pidgeotto like Ash…I think. Anyways, I caught the Pidgeotto and not long after I ran into another one. It was then that I remembered a certain episode of the anime where Ash & Co. ran into some guy who called himself a “Diglett rancher” and had about 29 Diglett and one Dugtrio (I forget the exact numbers). Anyways, so I got this idea that I wanted to be a ‘rancher’ like that with 29 of the pre-evolved form and one fully evolved form. I already had the fully evolved form and had just begun my collection of Pidgeotto. So I rushed to the Pokemon Center, moved the Pidgeotto to an empty box and went back out into the grass. And I started catching Pidgeotto. Memories…

#93: Grovyle

In my opinion, the best form of its evolution line simply because it looks the best. Sceptile has a sort of ugly looking face shape. Grovyle also gets a boost from the anime as by the time it evolved into Sceptile, I had stopped watching the anime. But if I remember correctly, it has a good number of battles and wins under its belt. It was pretty much Ash’s strongest Pokemon at one time besides Pikachu. Leaf Blade just looked so badass and is somewhere high in my list of moves because it sounds nice and is actually good. Yes.

#92: Steelix

Sometimes I get into this mode where I’m fascinated by one Pokemon and everything involving Pokemon from that point on has to involve that certain Pokemon. The Pokemon then receives a massive spike in my rankings where for however the stint lasts, I declare it to be one of my favorite Pokemon of all time. Then comes the drop where the Pokemon steadily drops in rankings to a point where its final ranking is higher than its initial, but not as high as it was during when I was in that mode. Steelix was one of those Pokemon. I never thought of much of it but as Onix’s evolution and that Pokemon that Jasmine had which was easier for me to beat than her two Magnemite. But then for some unknown reason, Steelix got more noticeable and I used it. 200 Defense is nice but it’s made not as good by its other stats which are horrible. Weaknesses to Ground and Fighting also hinder its ability to take hits and 85 base attack leaves much to be desired. On the plus sides, Steelix gets and can use effectively some of my favorite moves: Roar, Toxic, Explosion. A lot of other Pokemon can use those moves but since I liked Steelix at that time, I used Steelix for it. When the inevitable drop came, I wasn’t as fascinated with Steelix like I had been before but it still manages to make it up there. Also in its sprite, its head looks ****ing huge compared to the rest of its body.

#91: Wartortle

Wartortle has the middle evolution syndrome where both its pre evo and evolution are better than it in almost every way. But Wartortle is by no means a horrible Pokemon. It just can’t measure up to Squirtle and Blastoise in my opinion. It gets up here just by being a part of the Squirtle line and May has one so that’s a plus I guess?

#90: Charmeleon

One episode that I really liked Charmeleon was the episode with the crystal Onix. Yes, it was not Ash’s Charmeleon but some random guy’s. And I have no idea why this episode made Charmeleon stand out to me. Maybe the constant flamethrowers. But whenever I think of Charmeleon, I think ‘intense.’ It’s not as badass as Charizard but it makes up for it slightly by its attitude which was shown in the Paras episode where it beat the **** out of it despite Paras being one of the most pathetically weak Pokemon Ash & Co. had ever run across. It shows Charmeleon will not ‘go easy’ for anyone and that doesn’t give a damn about much. Rawr.

#89: Growlithe

Puppies are pretty much one of the best things ever and Growlithe has all the makings of a great pet. Most importantly, from the way it’s depicted in Pokemon media, it’s loyal. It’s often seen working with the police with is a good thing I guess. And it has that episode with James which is an automatic plus. Yes…that episode. I am conflicted with the James-Growlithe situation. On one hand I think it would have been cool if James had taken Growlithe along with him and maybe could have possibly won some battles. Besides, who the **** cares about James’ parents. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want Growlithe to be exposed to the constant failure of his master. It would be too sad to witness.

#88: Umbreon

I’ve seen people say that Umbreon is their favorite Eevee evolution more than the other six. It does have the Dark thing going for it and a lot of people think things associated with darkness/black are the coolest thing ever. It does look damn cool I have to admit and shiny Umbreon is in my opinion one of the best shinies out there. Also most notorious for being able to Baton Pass a Mean Look. I do have a slight problem with it not having that many viable direct attack moves as if Umbreon happens to be your last Pokemon then you can’t really do anything except try to stall it out in the case the other Pokemon is afflicted with Toxic or something. It’s the reason why I’ve stayed away from Umbreon for the most part when making my team.

#87: Miltank

I would normally hate cows because of how big and stupid they look but Miltank is not just a cow. This thing can be ridiculously good and at least in my experience, one annoying Pokemon to take down in lower tiers. Looking at its stats, it doesn’t seem to excel at any one thing but just okay in some areas. Speed 100, Defense 105, HP 95, Attack 80. It has a signature, exclusive move Milk Drink and that makes it even more difficult to take down and even more so if it has Thick Fat, although Scrappy may be one of the sexiest abilities ever. Whitney was probably the hardest gym leader because of her Miltank and how early she came up. Me being a stupid kid would go with my same strategy of sending out all my weaker Pokemon first to weaken it then finish off with my stronger Pokemon but of course Rollout gets stronger with each consecutive hit and left me crying on the floor with my Gameboy in the corner. Miltank makes it to #95 almost solely on what it can do battle-wise. Such a beast. Just throwing it out that after you beat Whitney and she starts crying I thought you had to go completely out of the gym and then come back to get the badge when you actually need to just go back and talk to her when the other trainer tells you about Whitney’s crying.

#86: Raichu

I don’t know why some sprites show Raichu as a fatass. It’s not that fat. At all… My favorite episode involving Raichu without a doubt is the gym episode with Lt. Surge (I can’t even remember any other episodes where Raichu was relevant). It was presented as this unbeatable, freakishly strong obstacle that Pikachu had to overcome. I don’t remember how I felt when I was a kid watching it but upon watching it again, I liked Raichu better at the end of the episode partly because I had seen enough of emotional moments of Pikachu by then. Also, at the end when it tried to use an attack but ran out of electricity was too cute. Competitively, Raichu isn’t worth much, being really frail and dying to almost anything with a respectable attack stat. It does get Surf through those other games so that’s something new I guess.

#85: Alakazam

Zam, the original all powerful Psychic type. The Pokemon almost everyone wished they had but a lot couldn’t get because you had to trade Kadabra for it to evolve so a lot of people just went through the game with Kadabra in their party which isn’t as awesome as Zam. Meanwhile, your rival has one and although it’s not saying much, it was pretty much his best Pokemon since everything else he had could have their weaknesses exploited so that it was possible to beat him with low levels. Since I was one of the people who got stuck with a Kadabra, Alakazam doesn’t have much impact on me game-wise. Competitively, Zam was great in Advance where it still had its elemental punches and there was no Choice Scarf and stuff like that to mess with its speed. Its defenses were still weak as hell but it didn’t have to worry about that as much when it had speed like that. In DP with Choice Scarf being introduced and Zam losing its elemental punches for things like Shadow Ball and Focus Blast, (at least) I don’t see it at all these days. I had to actually check the tier list to see if it was still OU since I never see it anymore…ever. But it is still a top-notch Pokemon.

#84: Moltres

Great big bird of fire! FIRE. Moltres is noteworthy for that. FIRE. As one of the original legendary birds, Moltres definitely has that ‘epic’ feeling. And I liked it in the second movie. Since I frequently start new games in my Red/Blue version (I start a new game once I beat the Elite Four), which I still play these days once in a while, I don’t really bother and try to catch any Pokemon unless I’m using them in my final party for the Elite Four. So that means I don’t go out of my way to catch the legendary birds. While Zapdos and Articuno are in places where you don’t have to go, Moltres is in Victory Road where you eventually have to pass through. I never try and catch it of course but I always see it standing there when I exit Victory Road and it kind of makes me sad like I’m abandoning it..

#83: Swampert

Swampert was my first legit Pokemon that I raised to level 100. I had other level 100 Pokemon but those were all raised to level 100 by seemingly infinite amounts of Rare Candies in my Red/Blue. Swampert got to level 100 by me defeating the Elite Four some 200 times while training my other Pokemon. So needless to say, it has a special place with me. It is also the most seen starter form in competitive battle in terms of usage along with Infernape as those are the only two starter forms that are in OU tier. And it is really useful. A little too useful… Swampert was one of my favorite Pokemon when I started competitive battling in advance just because of the level 100 thing. And I saw a little too much Swampert on other teams. So me being the whiny ***** that I am, complained that I saw too much Swampert and eventually grew to dislike it a bit. I ran HP Grass on my Jolteon exclusively for Swampert to ensure that I would never meet my end by one of my former favorite Pokemon. I would hope I would have outgrown those sort of things by now so Swampert gets back up here.

#82: Flareon

Flareon got the short end of the stick out of all the Eevee evolutions for sure. It’s got okay stats with 130 Atk and 95 Sp Atk although it could do with more speed. However, its main weakness is its movepool as it gets pretty much no good moves. I think I recall a set that recommended Iron Tail and you know that the Pokemon has a bad movepool when Iron Tail is recommended… All that attack and nothing to use it on. I think it got Shadow Ball this generation but I wish it would have gotten Flare Blitz or something. Because it’s so neglected I end up feeling sorry for it and that eventually leads to me liking it more. It was pretty cute looking in the Stadium games.

#81: Exeggutor

Contrary to what some topics may suggest, I do give a **** about Exeggutor. It was widely used in RBY and although it can’t really function now without sun support, coconut head is still a cool Pokemon. I think I was able to sweep some teams back in Advance with Eggy when I cleared off a lot of obstacles with my other Pokemon and Eggy had sun support with Petaya Berry activated. Good times. I remember reading either a Pokedex entry or a trading card description that said if an Exeggutor head falls off, it becomes an Exeggcute and starts a new life like that which was really wtf. I used a Exeggutor in my LeafGreen playthrough and caught about 20 Exeggcute in the Safari Zone before deciding which to take on as the permanent member of my party. I ended up going with a neutral nature Exeggcute and by the time it was an Exeggutor and around level 53, I realized it would have been better off going with a –Atk nature with some benefits than with a neutral nature. Argh.

#80: Floatzel

Looks awesome and that’s important when you’re from DP, the generation that I consider to be filled with crap (look-wise). I don’t have much experience with Floatzel in anything be it from the game, anime, whatever. I don’t know a lot about it and I don’t have a lot to say about it. It gets this high just from looking awesome.

#79: Pinsir

I can’t believe that guy’s Pinsir from episode four of Pokemon got beaten by all three rookie trainers. What a weak Pinsir. Pinsir got forgotten when GSC came around when everyone thought that since Scizor was Scyther’s evolution, Heracross was Pinsir’s evolution…only it wasn’t. I have to wonder if it was a good thing or a bad thing that it didn’t get an evolution. Heracross is used more than Pinsir competitively although I don’t see Hera much these days but Pinsir’s got some stuff going for it. Mold Breaker is a really really nice ability, it’s not Stealth Rock weak and it has Swords Dance and stuff.

#78: Arcanine

Was it just me or was there a stone tablet thingy with the three legendary birds and Arcanine in one of the earlier episodes? I know Arcanine was considered a legendary by some and the damn thing does look pretty awesome but I’m wondering if I’m remembering things correctly. So… Arcanine has a lot going for it in the looks department but unfortunately like the majority of fire types, it can’t do much in battle. It also suffers from a poor movepool so I’ve never been drawn to it. But it looks so cool…

#77: Absol

Absol ended up being on the same team that had my lv. 100 Swampert so everyone on my team then ended up getting to somewhere in the high 80’s to low 90’s. Absol got to that point battling only Phoebe (girl with the ghost Pokemon) as I didn’t really use it for anything else except that. I caught it because I was walking through the tall grass during rain and it caught my eye because it looked awesome and rare. As for the whole disaster Pokemon thing I guess it’s an ok gimmick…

#76: Meganium

I like the Chikorita line. I like flowers? Therefore I like Meganium. I used on my UU team and it was doing ok as well as taking hits went but there were no good grass type attacking moves except Leaf Blade which only Sceptile could get. So I was stuck with HP Grass as my only attacking move and it really sucked if I was up against another Grass type especially if they used Meganium’s pure grass typing to their advantage by using some poison type attack. It got dropped eventually from my team and that made me sad.

#75: Slowbro

Something about Slowbro makes me like it. It looks really stupid as in unintelligent but it’s also really good in battle. And the shell is pretty nice. Way better than Slowking for sure both in battle and looks. Slowking feels like it has something missing. I used one in one of my Silver playthroughs and it ended up being the most useful out of everything in my party once it learned Ice Punch to take on Lance. Other than that, I can’t think of anything more to say at this moment… Quick, on to the next ranking!

#74: Weezing

This thing was on my Advance team since I started playing and it still hasn’t left. I cleverly nicknamed it ‘Ballz’ because I was so damn witty back then and would get a kick every time it said something like “Ballz used Haze” or something dumb like that. Anyways, Weezing gets into the top 100 on a different reason than most. Others get up here because of looks but Weezing makes it almost entirely on battle-related reasons. It was my answer to stopping BP teams and resting CalmCunes. I could take on Blissey with Pain Split and then finish it off with Sludge Bomb if they were dumb enough to let their Blissey get around to that little HP. And I never had a reason to be scared of Heracross…ever because this thing countered it so perfectly. HP stat could do with some tweaking but I never realized how useful Weezing was because all I knew of it was from the anime getting beat up every time. With DP it lost STAB and changes in offensive strength and new defensive Pokemon brought Weezing’s usage down. It was one of the three members of my Advance OU team that never changed. So it gets this high on my list.

#73: Zapdos

Easiest legendary to catch, am I right? Seriously for some reason I have far less trouble catching Zapdos than any other legendary ever. Articuno, Moltres, Mewtwo, Kyogre, Lugia, etc. I always have to reset or run out of balls or whatever but Zapdos I catch within the first ten balls and that’s just really odd to me because they all have the same catch rate and one legendary is not supposed to be easier to catch than another. It could all be in my head because when I was a kid I got a little plastic card as a prize from those cracker bags that provided strategies for catching Pokemon. For Zapdos it said to put it to sleep and throw an Ultra Ball at it but it had completely different strategies for Moltres and Articuno. So this ‘Zapdos being easier to catch’ thing could all be in my head. Zapdos is the best of the legendary birds (not counting Lugia and Ho-oh) as not only is it the only one not to take 50% from Stealth Rock, it can also be hard to take down. It also got Heat Wave with Platinum and that would be all perfectly fine. But Zapdos has often made problems for me as there were a lot of situations where I could envision a sweep of the entire opposing team once Zapdos was out of the way. But Zapdos never went out of the way… And my liking for Zapdos goes down…

#72: Kangaskhan

My holographic Kangaskhan card got taken away from me and I never got it back. I got a non-holo one later but it just made me remember my holo one and wasn’t as good. I used a Kangaskhan on my Advance UU team and it was pretty good. Enough bulk to take hits and enough power to hit back. It gets Scrappy in DP which is, like I’ve said before one of the sexiest abilities ever. Too bad it doesn’t get much use. To this day, I remember the Kangaskhan episode with that jungle kid as one of the freakiest episodes ever.

#71: Seadra

Another case of “better than its evolution that it made me appreciate it more after the evolution was revealed” Pokemon. Kingdra is not horribly bad but Seadra looks a lot better. It doesn’t stand out to me a lot besides that except that the sound it made in the anime was IIRC “do-do-do.” But yeah…it looks really cool.

#70: Mudkip

All fads aside, I really do like Mudkip. I started out with it in my Sapphire because I usually start out with the water types anyways and I think they look better. So yeah…it’s cute and all. Brock had one before it evolved into an ugly Marshtomp. Seriously this thing is cute and the thousands of pics (at least the ones that don’t have it looking horribly disfigured) I’ve seen of it because of the fad makes me like it more. Oh and it was in the contest.

#69: Ditto

Ahh. We have the king/queen of breeding here. Able to make eggs with Pokemon like the Hitmons and Jynx who can only be one gender. What would the Pokemon world do with you, Ditto? Of course I used this guy for a lot of things, namely getting Eevees, babies, and other Pokemon. It also gave us some interesting episodes in the anime including lol Minidit. It’s rather unfortunate its stats are sooo horrible as I think the metagame would have taken a rather interesting turn if it wasn’t so bad even if it would waste a turn to transform.

#68: Gliscor

Like Weezing in Advance, Gliscor has been on my team ever since I started playing competitive DP. It has a few similar points with Weezing such as it’s able to take physical hits well and is pretty much the ultimate Heracross counter. Not that anybody uses Heracross anymore but whatever. Couple things different from Weezing are that it has access to an instant recovery move, whereas Weezing only had Pain Split. It doesn’t get a phazing move but I run Knock Off on it, which I love. Getting rid of a Pokemon’s item is really good because it can provide information about what kind of set it’s running, make fainting faster because of no Leftovers, etc. It’s just great. I have no anime or other media references to go off of so Gliscor is up here because it’s on my team.

#67: Hitmonlee

Hitmonlee used to be a lot higher on my list but for some reason, I’ve been finding it less appealing these days. Always wondered about the no mouth thing. How does it eat/speak/etc.? I guess the reason it drops is that I feel sorry for the other Hitmons and can’t have Hitmonlee ranking too much higher than the other two. Its competitive viability is okay I guess. Limber is a sweet ability. Team Rocket stole a Hitmonlee in the fighting Pokemon tournament with Ash’s Primeape and I’m wondering if that Hitmonlee actually didn’t recognize that it wasn’t its trainer or just went along with TR.

#66: Aerodactyl

This thing looks so badass. Except in its DP sprite. It looks dumb in that. Without a doubt my favorite fossil Pokemon simply because it looks the coolest, and the others all look lame. Kabutops and Omastar I can deal with but the others are just bleh. Anyways, I believe Aero’s first episode was when Ash’s Charmeleon evolved to fight it. It looks really cool. Have I already said that? And Rock/Flying is a weird type. Has weakness to itself. Boo. In battle, I always thought Aero was nothing spectacular and there were better leads than it, which is what it was primarily used as. I lead with a Jolteon in Advance where the magic speed was 394 and almost every time I saw an Aero lead, I opted to attack and hope to luck out in the speed tie. To my surprise I won a lot more frequently than I lost. Then I found out that running HP Flying on Aero for STAB causes its speed to go down to 393, losing to my Jolteon’s 394. I guess all those people who decided to stay in didn’t realize that either. In DP it got worse with it only being able to SR, maybe Taunt and then do nothing. Shame.

#65: Sneasel

Sneasel is kind of a newcomer to the top 100. Before, I thought it was cool and all but not seeing it much anywhere made me not think of it a lot. I had tried to use it in Advance UU with a Swords Dance set but lack of physical STAB really limited options. Then came DP and Weavile and Sneasel fell under “Pokemon that are cooler than its evolution and now appreciate more” category. Also, any Pokemon whose shiny form is pink and looks that awesome deserves a spot up here.

#64: Victreebel

In my opinion, one of the top Pokemon Team Rocket ever had in their possession. I think it was actually successful in battle a couple of times. The eating James thing really got on my nerves after the 300th time however. But seriously, Victreebel is awesome and I can’t believe they allowed TR possession of such an awesome Pokemon. With its acid filled mouth and all that other good stuff. Pretty beast if you can get sun and Swords Dance up.

#63: Haunter

I had THE most badass wallpaper with Haunter on it. It was pretty awesome to be greeted with it every time I turned my computer on. Haunter is still an awesome Pokemon as is the whole line but I do like the other two better. Disembodied hands are a nice touch. And has a long ass tongue. But it’s a trade evolution which sucks. I thought the episode with Ash looking for the ghost Pokemon to beat Sabrina was okay but never got how ghosts were supposed to help him beat psychics because the only ghost move IIRC was Lick and they didn’t even treat that as a ghost move. Not counting Night Shade because it was a set damage. So of course they made the battle never happen and made something up like making Sabrina laugh…

#62: Snorlax

Now that I think about it, I think Snorlax should have been a little bit higher on the list but I don’t think there was enough space. But ranking 62 doesn’t convey how great Snorlax is. I usually can’t stand fat things but when I look at Snorlax, I don’t see fat. I see awesome. This thing is pretty awesome in everything it’s in. Anime? Check. Manga? Check. Game? Check. I used it as a special sponge in Advance as an alternative to Blissey because Blissey was dumb. And this thing could actually fight back and potential to sweep with Curse. But I don’t think I could take the stress of actually owning one in real life. Too many food expenses. Also what was up with Ash’s Snorlax randoml knowing Ice Punch?

#61: Teddiursa

Pretty much one of the cutest Pokemon ever. This thing is so damn adorable that I can’t help but put it up here. Plus its episode was awesome. Pretty sad when it had to evolve into an ugly Ursaring though. If I had a Teddiursa, I wouldn’t evolve it even if Ursaring would be one of my strongest Pokemon. I’d have other strong Pokemon. Teddiursa should still be able to kick ass while looking cute.

#60: Pikachu

I can look at Pikachu two ways. As a Pokemon actually being compared to the other 492, or as the face of the franchise. It is different when you look at it as the face of the franchise and the most well-known Pokemon. Sometimes I forget that Pikachu can actually be found in the wild and is a Pokemon just like the other 492 because it’s been in the anime as a main character for so long. Add in all the other appearances such as in Smash and I can’t compare it on the same level as all the other Pokemon. As a Pokemon, I’d have to rank it lower than this as I don’t think it’s that great. But for being the face of the franchise, I bump it up this much. It’s also cool in Smash.

#59: Leafeon

Leafeon just looks so much more elegant and aesthetically pleasing than Glaceon so it certainly has the upper hand over the Eeveelution that debuted with it. It just has a lot of attractive qualities, both visually and game-wise. Stats are pretty impressive. But yeah…Leafeon is nice.

#58: Machamp

My liking for Machamp is mainly because I used it on my Advance team. You become drawn to a Pokemon that’s been on your team for a while, no matter how much you liked or disliked it at first. However problems with it included inaccuracy (Cross Chop, Rock Slide, etc.) and speed. I used to try the “BP speed to it” but later gave up on that and ended up replacing Machamp all together. It rarely occurs to me that Machamp has four arms and I never really think much of it but when I do I guess it’s a little strange. I’m convinced that they got the design from Machamp from Dragonball in early chapters where Tien grew another pair of arms when fighting Goku in the Budokai tournament. Also, I had a Dark Machamp trading card (Rocket Pack) and then my brother went and lost it…

#57: Suicune

Favorite legendary dog/squirrel/cat/beast/guinea pig. Obviously because it is the best in the looks department and also because it is damn good. I remember situations in Advance where I would be up against a Suicune and be thinking that the damn thing was impossible to beat with the Calm Mind set. Especially if my phazer was already down and everything else seemed so much weaker. I started using it in DP to shuffle the other team with Roar as well as for taking status. And I must say I like it. I don’t know why they decided to make it the central Pokemon in Crystal though. I feel sorry for Entei and Raikou being shafted like that.

#56: Bulbasaur

Correct me if I’m wrong but Bulbasaur seems like the least popular original starter. But it’s still way above a lot of the other Pokemon. A long run on the anime certainly helps it. It was sometimes in the back of my head that Bulbasaur seemed kind of awkward standing next to Charmander and Squirtle as it was the only one that stood on four legs. Grass also seems like a weak type. I don’t get how Razor Leaf and Vine Whip are supposed to be super effective against rock types especially the way they made it look on the anime. I missed the episode where Bulbasaur stopped itself from evolving but I kind of wish it did.

#55: Charmander

AUGH this thing is so cute. Its first episode where Ash and Co. had to save its flame from going out was one of the most touching/best episodes of all time. At least it is in my memory. No idea what I would think if I were to see it again. But damn Charmander was so helpful to Ash then, and then it evolved and turned into a punk. AUGH.

#54: Ivysaur

Ivysaur looks better because it has some brighter colors to contrast with the green unlike Bulbsaur which is all green. Um… it’s in Brawl. And it’s one of my friend’s favorite Pokemon but other than it gets by because Bulbasaur is awesome and Ivysaur looks better than Bulbasaur so it gets a higher rank.

#53: Buizel

If my calculations are correct, Buizel seems to be the highest ranked DP Pokemon. WOW. Not that Buizel isn’t awesome or anything. What seriously won me over with Buizel (besides being one of the best lookin Pokemon in the DP line up) was the gym fight with Lucario. I watched the raw version of the anime for this and I don’t know if it was because it was in Japanese and they can make the battles seem much more exciting or some other factor but it was the first time in a long time that I had watched Pokemon with that much excitement. So whoo Buizel.

#52: Golem

EXPLOSION. SERIOUSLY, I LOVE EXPLOSION AND THE FACT THAT GOLEM HAS EXPLOSION MAKES ME TINGLY WITH JOY. It also looks soooo much better than Graveler which is always a plus for a final evolution as that’s usually the most common member of a line you’ll see and if the final line is something uglier than its pre-evo, it’s not as appealing. I used Golem over Rhydon in RBY because of Explosion. DAMN EXPLOSION. Gary having a Golem seemed so random to me though. We’ve seen Arcanine and Nidoking, but it seemed to me that he pulled Golem out of nowhere and just ended up getting stomped by Charizard anyways.

#51: Wigglytuff

I have a level 82 Wigglytuff in my LeafGreen that I’ve had since almost the beginning when I started it. I think it’s hilarious to think of the Elite Four getting singlehandedly beaten down by a Pokemon like Wigglytuff. As a matter of fact, I t hink it’s hilarious that something with a name like Wigglytuff can beat up on anything. All the other Pokemon in my party are around level 50 by the way except for my Squirtle which is around 62 if I recall correctly. Anyways, Wigglytuff is cute but it also can kick ass. I saw a picture of Harley’s Wigglytuff and that thing looked pretty cool. Anyways, getting a Pokemon to a high level draws you to it and Wigglytuff is no exception.

#50: Arbok

Arbok was one of those Pokemon that I suddenly was fascinated with out of nowhere. I guess it started on one of my playthroughs in my Red Version where I caught an Ekans and decided to keep it in my party especially because of Wrap. Because of how Wrap worked in RBY (other Pokemon can’t move and keeps getting damaged by Wrap and as long as you’re faster and Wrap doesn’t miss, you can faint the other Pokemon without getting hit no matter how weak you are). I pretty much thought Arbok and more specifically Wrap was the best thing in the game at that point. I mean it would suck if it was being used against me but that wasn’t the case so I let myself enjoy it. The thing about Wrap is that even though being untouchable may sound like it would get boring after a while, to me there was something appealing about completely immobilizing the other trainer that made it legitimately fun for me. Because of how awesome I thought Arbok was by the time my playthrough was finished (after I had almost beaten the Elite Four singlehandedly with Arbok + Glare/Wrap), I used it on my Advance UU team but that didn’t work out so well. This is all the good stuff about Arbok excluding its anime appearance which by the way even though it kept getting bean over and over again, it grew on you. In the Pokemon Special manga, Koga’s Arbok was pretty much one of the most badass things ever. Damn this thing is awesome.

#49: Jynx

I think it’s hilarious that people consider Jynx as a racist image. Also hilarious that Nintendo changed its face color in response to the criticism. I actually think it looks better with the purple face at least from looking at its sprites. I just looked at its old picture with the black face and was reminded of how ****ing creepy that thing looked. Also anime episodes involving it were incredibly disturbing to watch. There are so many things that are disturbing about Jynx. Like how it fainted in the Pokemon Stadium games where just its hair was left on the field. I had a Pokemon sticker book from when I was in third grade where it had space to put why you liked or disliked a Pokemon and in Jynx’s slot I had written as a third grader, “I hate it because it has big boobs.” But over the last couple of months, despite how ****ing weird this thing is, I’ve grown to like it. I think a big part of the reason is that it was a later addition on my Advance team that stayed until the end. And I just loved the concept of its moveset. It would work best late game like a lot of things when you had eliminated its threats. Lovely Kiss to sleep whatever was there/coming in, Calm Mind however many times they gave you the chance to and sweep. I actually got a fair amount of wins this way. I don’t know, there’s some reason why I like the idea of Jynx on my team. Maybe because it’s so damn weird.

#48: Golduck

Golduck was considerably higher in my rankings when I was younger. I’m talking at least top 20. Probably because it was so much cooler than Psyduck. One of the funniest things about Golduck is that its Pokedex entries repeatedly comment on how it’s the fastest swimmer but it only has a base speed of 85. I know it says swimming and maybe the reason that its speed is low is because it’s on land but still. The episode where you think Misty’s Psyduck evolves is one of the coolest episodes ever until you get to the end and find out it was a wild Golduck. I guess it’s cool that it has Psychic properties without it being Psychic but wish its stats were a little higher.

#47: Venusaur

Not really much to say about Venusaur except that he’s one of the original three starters and that gets him pretty far in the rankings. It’s not as well received as Charizard and Blastoise but I still think Venusaur is a quality Pokemon. It has decent moves including Leech Seed and Sleep Powder and now that Sludge Bomb is special as well as there being more powerful grass moves, Venusaur has gotten some nice improvements in my opinion. Of course so has everything else but what can you do?

#46: Muk

You might think that Muk might be an unpopular Pokemon because it’s kind of a… piece of ****. Like it’s sludge. But they made it awesome. Whether it be the anime appearances or something else, Muk is just a cool Pokemon. Battle wise it has two really bad abilities and it’s not that viable in its environment if I recall correctly in its environment. I don’t think it has that many great moves and its stats are acceptable but also it suffers from its typing. Since every Pokemon and its mother knows Earthquake now. Other poison types like Weezing get Levitate to deal with it but Muk is left to suffer the inferiorities that come with the poison typing, which is a shame since poison is one of my favorite types. But it’s widely agreed that it is the worst type in the game. Anyways, Muk… yeah.

#45: Roselia

I like Pokemon that can convey elegance/grace/beauty/whatever you want to call it. Whatever it is, I think Roselia has it. More than Roserade that’s for sure which is why it ranks higher than its evolution. I was disappointed that Roselia wasn’t really usable during Advance. I think it suffered from low speed. And when Roserade was revealed I was so disappointed because it really was a downgrade in my opinion in terms of looks but I’ve learned to get over it. But Roselia is still better than Roserade in my book.

#44: Machop

The main reason that Machop is up this high is because of this inside thing I had with my friends. It started when one of my friends nicknamed a Pokemon in his box after one of our friends because it reminded my friend of that other friend. He told me the story of how he chose the nickname and then he proceeded to assign each of us a Pokemon mascot I guess and nicknamed the ones in his box accordingly. One of us got Slakoth because he was lazy as hell, another got Castform because he was just weird as ****, Magikarp, Zigzagoon, etc. And I got Machop. Why, I have no idea because I don’t think there is anything that can be related between me and Machop but anyways those Pokemon stuck with us. And I would rather have Machop over Zigzagoon and the others. Over time I grew to legitimately like the Pokemon itself and here it is now.

#43: Froslass

How do you make an irrelevant 3rd gen Pokemon relevant? Give it a 4th gen evolution that is actually useful in some way. Having a good design helps too. I first saw Froslass and instantly knew there was a good reason for Snorunt existing now. Its stats could do with a bit of tweaking but at least 110 speed is better than anything Glalie has to offer.

#42: Marowak

Marowak could seriously **** a lot of things up with that badass bone. I like the mother Marowak storyline from RBY. As we move up towards the list, my reasoning for these rankings are mostly going to be either cute, badass, etc. And Marowak is just that much badass to make it up here. Anime appearances where it kicked ass include the 4th Orange League gym battle where it showed the first ever (IIRC) double battle and one of the last episodes of the first season where that samurai guy had it and then it walked off after its owner lost all his badges.

#41: Gastly

Okay so not as many people like Gastly as they like Haunter/Gengar but I remember attempting to rewatch the first season about a couple years ago or so and Gastly came off as such an awesome Pokemon after I watched an episode featuring it. Off the top of my head, what I can remember is that it would lure men up to a tower with a story about a young maiden and then take control of them or something like that. While battling Ash and Team Rocket, it turns into stuff like a mongoose and a fire hydrant. And it made Venustoise, combination of Blastoise and Venusaur. Also in the Pokemon special manga, Agatha’s Gastly just looks really tight.

#40: Nidoking

When I see Nidoking I see an angry Pokemon ready to just ****ing charge at you. And I like Nidoking because it’s one of the many Pokemon that is the embodiement of rage. The image I have of Nidoking is of it just ****ing up everythin there is in site and ripping things to shreds. And it has a badass horn. I used it in one of my early UU teams and tears come to my eyes at the occasional sweeps I got with this badass Pokemon.

#39: Espeon

Espeon just looks too good. It’s probably the evolution of Eevee I can most see as one that people keep in their house as a pet. Some time ago, I had an Eevee in my Sapphire and was just feeding it a bunch of drugs to EV train it. Now, as Ruby/Sapphire had no visible signs of it being night/day I had thought that obtaining Umbreon and Espeon were impossible. I was in for a surprise when my level 8 Eevee then evolved into an Espeon. Of course it wasn’t what I was preparing it to be but I was so surprised that I just kept it. It’s still in my box at level 8. But Espeon does come off as the most graceful/elegant Eevee evolution to me and that’s pretty much why it gets up here.

#38: Hypno

It’s odd how I’m drawn to some quirky Pokemon but other ‘weird’ Pokemon I can’t stand. Hypno is one of the former. This thing first caught my notice in my Red/Blue versions. Tired of using Kadabra and not to mention the fact that every Abra I had seen up to that point in that playthrough had succeeded in fleeing from me, I decided to just go with a Drowzee. Psychic types being pretty much unstoppable in those early games, once it learned Confusion the game became a lot easier. And then in Advance, when I started UU, Hypno would do just wonderful things for my team being able to take special hits really well. And then T-wave, Seismic Toss and Wish. It got pretty high because of all those times I used it in UU. Too bad it can’t really do anything now in DPP.

#36: Chikorita

Chikorita is just really cute. From the anime appearance to manga appearances to game appearances, at one point I came to thinking that it was the greatest Pokemon ever. Its evolutions are a downgrade but nothing too bad. Casey’s Chikorita in the anime was just badass with the headband and really… this thing is just cute. I normally start with the water type in every generation but GSC is the exception. Even though I did start with Totodile my first playthrough, I started a new game with Chikorita and haven’t really looked back.

#35: Crobat

I’ve noticed that I tend to like the Zubat line way more than other people so I guess it makes sense that Crobat would be higher than a lot of people expected. Aside from being one of the fastest Pokemon at 130 base speed, Crobat just looks cool. I think it actually gets smaller when it evolves from Golbat which is a little unusual. When I started my Pearl version I was still in my ‘pissed off that the new Pokemon look so ugly’ mode so I started building a team out of any familiar faces I came across. Zubat just happened to be on my team long enough to evolve into a Golbat. Initially I didn’t think of bothering with Crobat since happiness evolutions are usually a pain but it unexpectedly evolved to Crobat around 2 or 3 levels after evolving to Golbat. And since I had been going through multiple, continuous playthroughs of original Red/Blue up to the point that Diamond/Pearl came out, I was also pleasantsly surprised to find that Crobat could learn Fly, which Golbat couldn’t in first gen games, making me carry around another bird to fly around on. Crobat ended up being a major part of the game and I think it turned out to be the highest level Pokemon in my party at the end.

#34: Dodrio

Once again, Dodrio is a Pokemon that grew on me because of how badass I thought it looked. I can just imagine it ripping things to shreds and tearing everything in its sight with its three heads and that image in my mind is just too great. I wish there was something I could do to show people exactly what I imagine. I don’t think I can convey it in words. Also, Dodrio in Red/Blue was a beast. Especially after carrying Pidgeot around all the time. Dodrio got Drill Peck which made battles a whole lot easier and faster. When I think about it though, I think having three heads would suck.

#33: Gardevoir

This ranking has nothing to do with all the porn of it out there that people keep bringing up whenever Gardevoir is mentioned…I think. The part of Gardevoir that I tend to focus most on is its end where its feet are supposed to be. I’ve mentioned the importance of aesthetics to me already and I also mentioned in my Latias writeup that feminine things are generally more associated with elegance and beauty as opposed to masculine things and strength/toughness. And Gardevoir looks so distinctly female that it automatically catches my eye. And the cloak/tail/whatever the hell you want to call it gives me that image of elegance. Never mind the thing sticking out of its chest that a lot of people like to call attention to. It doesn’t really bother ME. As an overall package, Gardevoir is a top quality Pokemon especially since it’s mixed in with all the crap of the third generation.

#31: Nidoqueen

I’ve already commented about the whole feminine aspect of elegance and grace. Well Nidoqueen is pretty much the opposite of that and while I’d expect myself to not pay attention to it as much I am drawn to it for whatever reason. What I like has strange trends. Sometimes I like something for no particular reason and I don’t really bother questioning why I’m drawn to it. Battle-wise, Nidoqueen is inferior to Nidoking most of the time except with the rare case where its slightly better defensive stats come into play but that’s rarely. So why is it higher than Nidoking? I don’t know.

#32/33: Sandshrew/Sandslash

I can’t decide which of the two is better. Sandshrew has that cute thing going on and Sandslash has that badass thing going on. And I like both. Anyways, they both are top quality Pokemon for reasons already mentioned.

#30: Cloyster

If Cloyster was taken out from its shell, would it be just that black ball thingy? Just another mystery for those Pokemon professors. Cloyster is a member of the ‘awkward Pokemon to battle with anywhere’ club because it doesn’t look like it has much mobility skills and I’d imagine it’d be rather hard to use in battle. That vagina-looking shell looks so ****ing heavy and I just can’t picture it jumping around trying battle. I don’t even remember ever seeing it swim or anything…maybe that’s why it’s appeared in so few episodes.

Anyways, Cloyster just looks like it wants to **** with you. It’s badass which is pretty much the reason I like it so much. It has that sinister look which is completely different from Shellder and that makes it superior beyond comparison. Only thing I don’t like about it is thinking about it in battle as previously mentioned where it won’t be able to move. It just sits there, waiting to get hit. Or it can withdraw but what if it gets cracked? Just these thoughts that come into my head when I think of Cloyster.I would just like to say that Cloyster’s RSE sprite is off the top of my head, one of the worst sprites ever because of the injustice it does to Cloyster by making it look so lame.

Competitively, it had flaws. Even though it had 180 base defense, 50 Defense and an Ice typing hurt. One thing I did not know for a while was that Cloyster has a higher base attack than a base special attack stat (95 compared to 85). Blew my mind. In addition to flaws in its defense, it has really bad special defense and I’m pretty sure I’ve had Cloyster faint from attacks it was supposed to be resistant to. Despite all this, I liked using Cloyster because of the Spikes/Rapid Spin/Ice Beam/Explosion set. Explosion automatically gets points in my book especially if you don’t look lame.

#29: Farfetch’d

Dux. You always hear about how bad a Pokemon Farfetch’d is. And it’s true. Just looking at its stats, anyone can see that. Highest base stat is attack at 65. It gets some really sexy moves like Swords Dance/Agility and other stuff but it can’t really put them to use. But it does have that awesome stick. And I was totally disappointed that they changed the nickname of the Farfetch’d you get from the ingame trade from Dux to Ch’Ding. Seriously? What a drop in quality.

Obviously, Farfetch’d’s ranking has nothing to do with its competitive viability. You have to wonder exactly what the developers were thinking when they made this thing. “Hey let’s make a Pokemon that looks totally awesome but make it suck really bad. It’ll be the ultimate trolling attempt.” What is its purpose? I vaguely recall a reference in the anime to people eating Farfetch’d and if this is true, I I think it actually looks pretty cool but there are a bunch of other Pokemon that look cool and can actually do something battle-wise. In-game it’s not that bad if I recall correctly, (but then again something has to be REALLY bad to be bad in-game) as I’ve used one in my Red/Blue version. Swords Dance is a really sexy move. I feel sorry for Farfetch’d and like many other Pokemon, it grew on me during my playthrough.

I recently used one in my Soul Silver playthrough and it wasn’t quite good as I remembered in Red/Blue for some reason… It couldn’t do much and its only source of experience outside of using EXP Share was Koga’s Ariados. But I can’t be too hard on it. It’s Farfetch’d. And that stick is really too good.

#28: Vileplume

I don’t like how some sprites make Vileplume really dark. It’s always been one of my favorites since the first games for some reason I haven’t exactly been able to pinpoint. I think it can look both graceful and threatening. And Erika’s Vileplume in the Pokemon Special manga is one of my favorites in the entire manga. It just looks really cool when it’s destroying things. I guess not a lot of people like it that much though since I don’t see a lot about it. I think it was the only Pokemon for a while to be able to learn Petal Dance and I just really like the sound of that move.

In Advance, I had it on my UU team and Leech Seed like always could be really annoying for a lot of people. I originally ran Sunny Day somewhere for it to get the Chlorophyll speed boost but eventually just gave up on that. It’s a problem with Vileplume because it really suffers in the speed department and without Leech Seed (which you can only get on it through some event or something) it’s not much fun to use in-game especially since the only attacking moves it gets are Absorb and Acid for a while. But I have used it a few times in a couple playthroughs and my liking for it hasn’t changed.

I have a Vileplume keychain that I actually have hanging around keys I actually use. You remember the Burger King Pokemon toys from way back when? I have a bunch of those and I was looking at all the keychains I had to see if any were actually usable and I decided on Vileplume. Pretty badass. Vileplume was also one of the first holographic cards I got from booster packs. It is with regret that I remember trading it away for another card that was in terrible condition (The Pokemon on the other card has yet to come up on the list).

#27: Houndoom

I think Houndoom is one of the Pokemon that people who don’t like Pokemon can like. A bunch of people I know who don’t care much for Pokemon have told me that Houndoom ‘looks cool’ or whatever. The ‘demon dog’ (or hound…dur hur) look it’s got going on is pretty sexy. The shiny looks nice too which I’m finding is the exception these days since a lot of shinies look worse than their original counterparts.

In my demented mind, I love imagining Pokemon as bloodthirsty, pissed off monsters who are about to rip things to shreds and in the case of Houndoom, rip your throat out. And Houndoom can definitely pull off the “rip-your-throat-out-or-otherwise-completely-****-you-over” look.

Competitively, it’s all right I guess...at least in this gen and in my experience. It can do some damage in UU with Nasty Plot because it’s relatively fast but it can’t take hits for ****. I’ve tried using one like a couple months ago but personally I’ve found it too fragile and I guess I suck too much. Still an awesome Pokemon though.

#26: Vulpix

Similar to Pidgeotto, I have two full boxes of just Vulpix in both my Sapphire and LeafGreen (that’s 120 Vulpix and counting all together). I haven’t gotten to it in my Pearl yet because it requires the national dex and I’ve pretty much moved on from Pearl and am working on it for SoulSilver now. Now why the hell would I waste my time catching all those Vulpix? Eh…maybe I’ll explain in another Pokemon’s write-up. But it is pretty damn cute.

Whenever Vulpix appeared in the anime was a pretty awesome moment. And that was because it was so damn cute. At the moment, I can think of only two Pokemon who can even compete with Vulpix in terms of cuteness and I’m not even sure if they win.

#25: Mewtwo

Kind of feel as if it should be ranked higher but oh well. Pretty much the king of Pokemon and the original ‘god’ of Pokemon if there ever was one before that stupid Arceus came along. I actually like the first Pokemon movie. I’ve only seen the first three and I don’t plan on seeing the others mainly because they look like **** and the premise of the later movies look lamer as it goes on. Probably because I hate the newer legendaries and that’s who they feature. And the first movie (imo) is way better than the others (not like it has to try that hard). First, because it features Mewtwo and second because of how badass Mewtwo is early on (he gets pretty soft later but whatever).

Also the first ‘broken’ Pokemon back in the day when they didn’t split the special stat. And it got Amnesia. Running off 150 or something base power special with Amnesia to raise it two stages is simply ridiculous. I don’t play Uber so I have no idea how Mewtwo’s faring in the current metagame but it’ll probably be kicking ass like it always has.

Mewtwo also gets bonus points for being in Smash, my favorite game even though it’s one of the worst characters. The thing about Mewtwo is that (I think) it could have been great as it has a lot of great individual moves (d-tilt, nair, throws, etc.) and really good recovery but because of its weight and how easily it’s knocked off it’s way down there in the rankings. Shame they dishonored the great Mewtwo like that and even had the nerve to replace him in Brawl.

#24: Charizard

I think some people were expecting the last two to be much higher but as awesome as Mewtwo and Charizard are, I do believe they are slightly overrated. And as preference among Pokemon is only personal, this is as far as they get on my list.

A lot of the recognition that Charizard gets is from the anime and it should. So many memorable moments come from that. Charizard vs. Magmar, the thawing and the moment when Charizard decides to listen to Ash, Charizard vs. Blastoise, Charizard vs. Articuno. Charizard was responsible for a lot of the ‘great’ battle scenes throughout the span of the entire anime, but that’s not all it has. Even in trading cards, the Charizard card was THE card to have. I never got into the trading card game so I don’t really know if it was any good or not but the thing was pretty valuable back then. So you can imagine my reaction as a kid when after opening my third booster pack, I see a shiny new Charizard card. It got stolen at church a few days later after I showed it off but that’s another story. Anyways, Charizard has that epic aura. When you see it, you know you’re looking at something great.

Also in Brawl but I hate that game so whatever.

#23: Chansey

Oh man. I don’t think anybody was expecting this. Unlike its useless pre-evo and infuriating evolution, Chansey is tolerable to most people but I have never seen anyone put Chansey up this high on a list. The original ultimate sponge, Chansey wasn’t even that bad after Blissey came along. It just made it obsolete. Even though it might be a simple nurse Pokemon, Chansey has got some good stuff going for it. Especially in RBY before the special split, it could work off that nice special to work on the offensive along with its already massive HP and Softboiled.

And once again, I rank a Pokemon up high because of cuteness. Sue me.

#22: Gyarados

Gyarados gets up this high mostly because of competitive battling and how damn good it was and the immediate impact it had on my team after bringing it on. First used it in Advance and it made me realize that Taunt is one of the best moves in the game. Dragon Dance/EQ/HP Flying/Taunt is one of my favorite sets and at this moment, I can’t think of another set at this moment (there probably is another) that I remember so fondly. Personall, I prefer HP Flying over Waterfall like in DPP because it gave me a way to deal with Celebi which I hate with a passion.

Kind of weird how Gyara was the water type that couldn’t use any water moves until the physical/special split came in DP except in first-gen. I would see kids playing Pokemon with two or more water moves on their Gyara and I didn’t know whether to feel pity for their ignorance, superiority because of their stupidity or shame for myself because I cared so much.

And it’s weird how I remember Gyarados more for its moveset rather than the actual Pokemon but after using this amazing set I started appreciating the Pokemon more too. It’s had its share of anime moments. Such as the ever famous ‘James kicks Magikarp and evolves and proceeds to blast them away’ scene. It always has its mouth open (can it close?) in every pic I see it in which slightly bothers me but it’s also a symbol of rage and awesomeness.

#21: Zangoose

And the title of the most badass Pokemon goes to… Zangoose. One of the few third generation Pokemon that instantly stood out to me when I was looking over the pics for the new Pokemon before the release of Ruby/Sapphire. And the shiny version looks ****ing sexy as hell. There’s that cosplay set of the Ngiel girl as Zangoose and that’s just more points for it. I used it in my Ruby playthrough and it was just tearing stuff up. Plus it would just look awesome tearing people’s throats out. Just random reasons why Zangoose is awesome. And it really is so sexy.

#20: Rapidash

You remember that old man who was head of the Pokemon fan club in Vermillion? When you talk to him, he goes on and on about his favorite Pokemon, Rapidash and why it’s so great and gives you a bike voucher for wasting your time. I guess I can’t really blame him. Rapidash is great. Maybe not competitively, as its movepool leaves much to be desired despite passable stats. I think the best it can do is some double status stuff with a STAB move and Iron Tail or something… Iron Tail is horrible, so I’m pretty sure Rapidash has better options than it but it really tells you something about a Pokemon’s movepool when Iron Tail is even mentioned.

Also its FireRed/LeafGreen sprite is one of the worst sprites I’ve seen that comes to mind. I haven’t actually seen anybody claim Rapidash as one of their favorites so I’m assuming this pick is not going to be liked. I guess the main reason I like it is the aesthetic appeal (to me). I guess some people don’t think of Rapidash as aesthetically pleasing but that’s why it’s up here for me. Oh and I used it in my Pearl team, and playthroughs can have major spikes on some Pokemon that you liked before. And it’s a ****ing fire horse. Like we haven’t seen enough of those… but I still like it.

#19: Gengar

Gengar, the king of ghosts, just looks delightfully malicious. I know no Pokemon are really ‘evil’ but this thing just looks like it will **** over your entire family if you came in contact with it. I’m talking like it would kill your family and then **** the bodies while you were tied up watching and then it would slowly make tiny incisions all over your chest and let the blood just flow. And that tongue, oh my…

Anyways, Gengar is a beast in battle too. Pretty fast and definitely has the attacking stats to do something useful. I like the Explosion set because you can use it to get rid of Blissey who would normally come in on Gengar expecting to sponge. Focus Punch is good too. Like I said, using a Pokemon you already liked before on a team that’s successful in competitive battling makes you like it more.That’s part of the case for Gengar. Also because of all the various merchandise it’s been on. From cards to toys. Every single thing Gengar’s been on has made it better. Anime and manga appearances heighten its awesomeness. AND its Pokemon Stadium appearance with its tongue is hilarious.

#18: Tentacruel

Did someone say TENTACLES?! Yes, you heard right. The only reason I have Tentacruel up here so high is that it has become the glorious subject of so much porn because of those absolutely fantastic tentacles. Juuuuuust kidding. Not really. I really am kidding though…

Tentacruel has lower special attack than you would expect, at least in my case. The thing looks like an offensive type of Pokemon as opposed to a defensive one. But what do you know? The thing only has 80 Sp. Atk compared to 120 Sp. Def. It’s also pretty fast which is always good. I was surprised when first looking over the tier listings for DP to see Tentacruel in OU. Apparently it can do some things with Toxic Spikes and other stuff… I actually do not know anything about Tentacruel competitively because despite it being one of my favorites, I have never used it. I’ve actually never even seen somebody else use it. Even my current playthrough in Red is the first time I’m using the thing in-game and that’s because they didn’t cut its special. I think being the evolved form of the most common water type has something to do with that. Every time during a playthrough, I see a Tentacool and think “Oh hey, I haven’t used one in a playthrough yet” but then I think “It’s so damn common I could use one next playthrough anyways.”

#17: Persian

You really have to appreciate the critical hit ratio formula in RBY when you use Pokemon in your playthroughs that can abuse it. Persian is one of these. So damn fun in-game, and part of the reason why it’s up here, like Arbok. Looks-wise, Persian looks pretty awesome. It’s weird because although I like dogs better in real life, in Pokemon, cat-like ones seem to be more of the top-notch ones for me. I like the aura Persian gives off, the kind that rich, snooty people have and Persian looks sneaky, refined and… like a mob boss. Giovanni makes me want a Persian as a pet. Way better than Meowth imo.

My latest experience with Persian was in my Nuzlocke FireRed version. I got used to losing Pokemon but I haven’t played since losing my Persian. Moving on to how Persian fares in battle, it’s actually pretty bad. Its stats are really low and while it can do a few things like Hypnosis and Fake Out, it leaves much to desire when it comes to competitive viability.

#16: Eevee

It’s mutha****ing EEVEE! You can’t argue with it. This is the most badass and cute Pokemon around! From all its appearances in the anime to everything else it’s been on, everything with Eevee on it makes it better! I have a Rocket edition Trading card of it that makes it look ****ing adorable.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#15: Misdreavus

Yesss another Pokemon that I didn’t realize how much I loved until I went through the game with one. Missy, being the signature Pokemon of my in-game team in my Pearl version skyrocketed through my rankings after a couple of hours. I was hesitant to evolve it and eventually decided not to, which made my trek through the Elite Four a little more difficult than it would have if I had evolved it, I imagine. I even gave it the honor of attatching it to my first capsule (it had hearts).

I don’t know about for other people, but going through the game with a Pokemon attaches special feelings to certain Pokemon as I’ve already stated multiple times in other Pokemons’ write-ups. So I can’t really explain why some Pokemon are as high as they are fully. A lot of people remember Missy as the cheap Pokemon from GSC or w/e but since I wasn’t around it doesn’t carry that reputation with it when I see it.

#14: Dragonair

Dragonair always > Dragonite for me. Dragonite just never seemed to click with me as it did for everyone else. I have always liked Dragonair better. And just by looking at it, you can tell. It’s almost the epitome of grace in Pokemon. It’s not seen a lot in the anime because dragons have the mythical element to them and I guess it wouldn’t seem right if everybody started carrying a dragon type. Because it’s kind of rare, I hadn’t had a chance to use a Dragonair in a playthrough until SoulSilver where I decided to on a whim upon realizing I never used one.

Even though I’m sure some people view it evolving at level 55 a downside, I actually like that fact because it means I won’t have to push the B button as much to stop it from evolving as much without giving it an Everstone.

#13: Squirtle

My first Pokemon ever. Even though I got Red Version as my first ever Pokemon game and actually my first game ever on my brand new green Gameboy color as a kid, Squirtle was my first ever Pokemon. So just from that you can tell Squirtle has a huge impact on my Pokemon career. The screentime it’s gotten from the anime also helps. From the leader of the troublesome Squirtle Squad to the ****ing awesome moment when it learned Hydro Pump to the ‘release,’ Squirtle has a lot going for it. One of the more recognizable Pokemon even amongst people who don’t play Pokemon, Squirtle is undoubtedly one of the most awesome Pokemon out there. Plus it can look cute as hell in some pics.

#12: Jolteon

My original favorite Eeveelution. Jolteon was the most badass looking Eeveelution out there and with its spikes and being an electric type and all, you knew it could **** some things up. One of the fastest Pokemon with 130 base speed and decent special attack, Jolteon’s always been a competitive asset in every generation. It’s been on my Advance team from the start as my lead and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Jolteon was my staple Electric type for many playthroughs and it’s done a lot of things for me through these years but as the years go on, I find my preferences shifting and another Eeveelution has stripped it of its top spot. Regardless, Jolteon’s a Pokemon that’s been with me for a long long time and I’ll always remember fondly.

#11: Dewgong

I don’t think I can give a legitimate reason why I like Dewgong so much. Its placing on the list seems arbitrary to even me like I just stuck it in somewhere between two Pokemon. I mean the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Dewgong is its cry in the first movie when it was being captured by Mewtwo. It sounded something like “Goooooooooooooongggggggggggggg~!!!!!!!!” It wasn’t that pleasant.

Competitively, it’s got nothing. Not really good stats, an okay movepool but can’t really do anything except Toxic something and get out in my experience. It got Hydration in 4th gen which was a much needed improvement but it still didn’t help it much. Dewgong has so much mediocrity surrounding it and doesn’t really shine in any area except it looks so lovable. So I guess there’s my reason.

#10: Electabuzz

Electabuzz was IIRC my first self-proclaimed ‘favorite’ Pokemon. I have no idea why I did that, especially when I was a kid. I guess I wanted to be different and nobody seemed to have Electabuzz as a favorite so I went ‘what the hell.’ One moment I remember is when I was with a church youth group about six or seven years ago and as an icebreaker the leader told everyone in the group to go around and share a few details about themselves including name, age, school, and favorite Pokemon. I could tell the last one was said as a joke and predictably since everyone else in the group was older than me by a couple years, nobody (or at least they all pretended) knew any other Pokemon except the standards (Pikachu, Charmander, etc.). Anyways I could tell it wouldn’t matter if I told them Electabuzz was my favorite Pokemon or not since nobody would know what it was so I just ended up saying the Pokemon at #9. =/ Of course nobody knew what that was either.

Electabuzz has gotten some **** in the past. It’s gotten some less than pleasant cries in the anime, been animated so it looks FAT, and is the mascot of the supposedly worst baseball team in the Pokemon universe. But I still stood by my one-time favorite and used it in many playthroughs. And then it got that horrible-looking evolution. And I wept.

It was never the best Pokemon competitively but it did have some okay stats. But like so many other Pokemon, I can’t exactly remember why I like it so much. It just happened I guess.

#9: Articuno

Articuno may never have been my #1 favorite Pokemon of all time but it has always and probably always will be my favorite legendary. Not counting that at least half of the legendaries look like crap, Articuno definitely stands out among them for being the most awesome-looking. First of all it’s an ice type which are always cool (no pun intended). Second it’s one of the original legendary trio, which are by far the best trio. As awesome as Articuno is, it’s always been a pain to go after it because Seafoam Islands is a *****.

During the second Pokemon movie, I was always relieved that despite Moltres and Zapdos being captured, Articuno never was. It made it more awesome and I didn’t want it to see it in the hands of some queer-looking fruit anyways.

Competitvely speaking, the quadruple rock weakness really hurts it since it takes 50% from just entering the field and here’s the kicker: it’s a DEFENSIVE ICE TYPE. I have used one in my mono ice team in Advance where it was the star which tells you how much that team sucked. But Articuno being one of the most graceful-looking, elegant, kick-ass Pokemon makes it easily into my top 10 Pokemon of all time.

#8: Lapras

Playthrough factor. To be honest, when I play Pokemon what bothers me more when I get a Pokemon with an unsuitable nature or ability is when it has an unsuitable gender. For about half of the Pokemon I catch I could care less but for some Pokemon, the gender is the most important thing in the first step to not annoying the **** out of me. Lapras is one of these Pokemon where it has to be female. It just looks like one and it will always be female in my mind so seeing a male one just irks me.

It was a huge addition in the anime when Ash got one as it enabled him to get to each island in the Orange Leagues as well as providing him with a capable Pokemon to use in battles. And blah blah blah.

Competitively, I’ve actually found Lapras to be able to do quite a bit of damage in some situations and I remember one instance where I was swept by a DD Lapras in Advance. Actually probably because I suck but it still doesn’t change the fact that Lapras can do some stuff. It’s got a lot of HP and is versatile in its movepool.

I kind of imagine Lapras to be like the dolphin of Pokemon. They’re really playful, incredibly intelligent, extremely likable and just overall kickass.

#7: Tauros

My birthday is on May 11 and that makes me a Taurus. I tell myself that it doesn’t have to do anything to with how much I like the Pokemon but when I really think about it, I think it does… I remember looking over the zodiac signs and being relieved that I wasn’t stuck with something dumb like Aquarius or Libra (no offense to those signs). Horoscopes don’t really mean that much to me but similar to Chinese zodiac signs and whatnot, I just take think about it once in a while.

Everyone remembers when Ash got his 30 Tauros in the anime…or not really since that happened in a banned episode outside of Japan which included Hitler Meowth and use of firearms. So nobody knew where they came from I’m hearing. I actually missed a couple episodes in a row at this time so I just assumed he had caught them in an episode I missed and had no clue to the confusion of the rest of the viewing public.

In RBY Tauros was THE Pokemon. It just tore **** up and with the old Hyper Beam property and increased Blizzard accuracy, pretty much everyone carried on one on their team. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have the same destructive power as it did three generations ago as it needs a Choice Band to even be slightly viable. It’s relatively fast but it has a horrible movepool as proved by sets that recommended Iron Tail as an option.

The aggression that Tauros has come to symbolize sets it apart from some of my other favorites. While I admire other Pokemon for their grace, beauty or cuteness, Tauros is just raw anger for me. I know it’s not always portrayed as the stereotypical angry bull but I that’s what I actually like about bulls. And the occasional goring.

#6: Vaporeon

My favorite Eeveelution has been Jolteon for the longest time but recently I find that I'm liking this particular one a little more. I guess I'm going soft. Vaporeon is just so playful and fun looking. Warms my heart. Especially in its DP sprite. Cute. One reason that Vaporeon was ranked behind Jolteon was that it never saw much use in-game for me. Because through almost every playthrough, I started with Squirtle, all other water types were rendered obsolete by the presence of my eventual Blastoise and therefore, my Eevee was almost always evolved into Jolteon. Jolteon has the badass look going on but I guess that kind of look appealed to me more as a kid. Nowadays, I'm more partial to the more graceful side of things.

Vaporeon is one of the Eeveelution most frequently cited as competitively viable alongside Jolteon. Especially in DP metagame as a bulky water. My experience with Vaporeon is limited and it has more often been on the opposing side where it stops my Gyarados from doing anything.

Vaporeon had always kind of been in my list of top Pokemon. Sometimes it's just been 'there' but it's always been really likable. And recently it's experienced a spike like no other into my top ten.

#5: Jigglypuff

Jiggz was for some reason was so popular in Japan that it got in Super Smash Bros. and that is part of the reason why it is up so high. SSBM is my favorite game of all time and Jigglypuff being a pretty damn good character in it is nice. Rest is ridiculous and really nothing like the move in Pokemon and Jiggz has one of the best horizontal recoveries in the game. And then Jiggz just completely sucked in Brawl, yet another reason why Brawl is a bad game. Anyways, being one of my main characters in my favorite game obviously has an impact on my rankings. And it has really kick-ass costumes/colors, more specifically ninjapuff/Rambo-puff (green headband). Also for whatever reason default/naked Jiggz looks disturbing in the game now.

Jigglypuff also is one of the more memorable Pokemon with a role in the anime (at least to me) with its whole singing, making people fall asleep and drawing on their face thing it has going on. I don’t actually remember when the last time it was sighted but I remember it being frozen which made me weep.

Jigglypuff is also one of the cutest Pokemon in the game. Yes I have said that about 30 different Pokemon but it really is.

#4: Milotic

My Milo in Advance competitive play, affectionally nicknamed ‘Condom’ was a permanent member of my team as it was there from its inception and stayed until the end. I never saw a reason to take it out and its seemingly simplistic moveset was quite effective. Milotic is just a good Pokemon. I know how much people don’t like third gen Pokemon for being useless and filler-like but Milo is definitely not one of them. I always see it cited as one of people’s favorites.

Being the counterpart to Gyarados whereas Gyarados is the strong one evolving from the weak Magikarp and Milo is the beautiful one evolving from the weak Feebas, Milotic is continuously cited everywhere in Pokemon medium as one of, if not the most ‘beautiful’ Pokemon ever…even though that term is subjective as hell. But you can’t really argue with that when you look at it. I mean, it’s just a fish but it’s a pretty amazing one.

Milotic also gets points for being one of the two Pokemon in the ‘Erratic’ experience group to not completely suck ass (the other being Zangoose). It only needs 600,000 experience points to get to level 100 and anything that makes it quicker for my Milotic to start kicking ass is good. My Milotic in SoulSilver I’ve gotten to level 75 really fast without much effort but that’s also due to it getting boosted exp from trading but nevertheless it’s pretty awesome when even at high levels it can still gain levels without a lot of effort.

I once had a dream where I came across a tank with a bunch of Milotic in it and a Pikachu came out of nowhere and shocked them allowing me to throw multiple Pokeballs and catch them all. No idea what it means; just throwing that out there. Also, male Milotics are garbage.

#3: Blastoise

Blastoise was one of my favorite Pokemon when I was a kid simply because it was a ****ing turtle with ****ing cannons on its back. I mean, come on. The thing just looks like it’s about to **** some things up. The only problem with it back in the days was is HORRIBLE R/B sprite. It makes it look like a total fatass and not threatening or cool at all. I know Blastoise is a little big but in its RB sprite they make it a point to exaggerate its stomach and gut. Just terrible.

Competitively, I have used Blastoise on a UU team and it’s been okay in my experience. Bulky waters are pretty much always useful in some way and it has almost singlehandedly won a game for me at one point where I stalled the other guy out after everything else on my team fainted. =D

It kind of irked to see one of my favorite Pokemon in the hands of Gary in the anime since he was so flamboyant and I saw him as a total prick but I’ve gotten over it. It’s in the hands of someone much more likable in the anime (imo) Blue (or Green) depending on which version you’re reading but Blue in the original Japanese I believe. She is just a badass character and her Blastoise also kicks ass.

I’ve read stuff where people say that Blastoise is overrated but ya…shut up. Blastoise will beat your ass down.

And seriously THOSE CANNONS.

#2: Cubone

All right, let’s get down to it. Cubone will straight up fuck you up. It’s got a club that it can use to beat the **** out of you and make a mess of your brains over the floor. It’s full of rage. It’s badass. It’s cute and cuddly. How many Pokemon can pull that off? Yes I know it’s seen more as the “sad” or “emo” Pokemon but it can’t afford not to be this badass with a skull over its ****ing head, which is about the coolest thing ever. Everyone’s heard of those Pokemon shirts…forgot what it was called but it was clothing that was supposedly being marketed more towards adults instead of the typical audience of Pokemon merchandise, the kids. The Cubone shirt looked so cool that I almost orgasmed on sight.

Cubone has a bunch of stuff surrounding it from the theory of it being a baby Kangaskhan that lost its mother to its own special item, the Thick Club, which turns it into more of a beast than it already is. And it’s had hot owners (Giselle from the anime).

Cubone would probably be my mascot Pokemon if I had one but not because it is my favorite, it’s just my favorite Pokemon that happens to be most fitting for a mascot. When I say mascot Pokemon I mean the Pokemon I’d be known for if I was in the Pokemon world. These are not always your strongest but it’s the one that is seen with you everywhere. Cubone is most definitely awesome but it falls short of the number one spot and that goes to…

#1: Ninetales

Finally here at the end of the list and one Pokemon definitely stands above the rest for me. First thing that comes to mind is the speling of its name. A lot of people misspell Ninetales’ name. They spell it ‘tails’ instead of ‘tales’ which is perfectly understandable because Ninetales well…has 9 ****ing tails… But for whatever reason, the correct speling is ‘tales’ so learn it people.

If you go back to my Vulpix writeup, you’ll see that I make a habit of catching a box full of them every game. This is pretty much the answer why. An episode of Pokemon came on in my early years and it featured a dude known as a “Diglett rancher.” He had 29 Digletts for whatever reason and he wore a top hat, which concealed another Pokeball which contained…a Dugtrio! So back then I thought that the idea of having 29 of the pre-evolved form and one evolved form sitting on top of your head was like the coolest thing ever so I immediately implemented this in my next game and what better to do this with than my favorite Ninetales? So yah…there you go.

Ninetales is easily one of the sexiest Pokemon out there and pretty much the primary reason why it is my favorite Pokemon. You look at it the first time and you know you’re staring at greatness. Bow down. Then you read whatever description about how it can cause 1000 year old curses and powers of mind control and it’s like “Ohmygosh this thing is ****ing awesome.” Its design is pretty much flawless. It can pull off sexy, beautiful, powerful, fuzzy, playful…pretty much insert the whole speech the Pokemon Fanclub Chairman’s has about his Rapidash here.

It’s a stone evolution so that’s kind of a bummer since stone evolutions force you to keep lower stats until it learns all of its moves because for some reason, using a stone to evolve makes you unable to learn anymore new moves like drugs. And Ninetales has been in my party pretty much in at least half of my playthroughs. I pretty much decide which version to get by seeing which version Vulpix is available in since it is usually a version-exclusive Pokemon. Also it’s shiny version looks kickass which is always a plus considering how many shinies look like garbage.

Competitively, Ninetales is…kind of bad. I hate admitting this but after carrying it on my team for quite some time in Advance, I was forced to admit that it was dead weight. Even in UU, it can’t do a lot. Didn’t have the greatest movepool but it got some nasty things like Grudge which was nice when you got Blissey to run out of PP for Seismic Toss or Suicune’s Surf but it leaves much to be desired. Looking at its stats, it doesn’t look too bad. It’s pretty fast and has nice special defense but it is much weaker than it seems with only 81 special attack. In DP it got one of the most orgasmic moves in the game in Nasty Plot. With the initial accuracy of Hypnosis, and the invention of Energy Ball (which is only available on Ninetales through breeding), it looked like Ninetales could actually do something. With Platinum, Hypnosis went back to 60% accuracy and a lot of Pokemon that relied on it fell in usage. Ninetales is simply too fragile so it has to rely on outspeeding everything and not getting hit but with Choice Scarf and all that now, it takes work to make Ninetales effective…at least in my experience. Being Stealth Rock weak doesn’t help.

Despite its competitive shortcomings, Ninetales remains the greatest Pokemon ever created because it just looks so ****ing beautiful. #38 forever *****es.