(12)Master Hand vs (13)Wario 2018

Ulti's Analysis
I had some hope that Master Hand could pull this upset, because I am an insane Smash Bros fanboy. Well, partially insane. I've toned it down a lot since spending some time with the series pros, and I outright refuse to act like any of those idiots. Every Smash group has a few noticeable "guys" in it. Yahtzee joked about it. Well I'm the chill as fuck turtle who everyone hates playing against because I have the most annoying play style on the planet, but because I'm so nice to everyone while also supplying the house for play space and the food for you parasites to mooch off of, you can all piss off =p. Trust me, there are far worse "guys" out there in the Smash community and I go out of my way not to be like them. I will never forget Inui getting kicked out of my play group within a month for being an arrogant douche to people, then whining on Smashboards about it. Some of you hardcores might remember Inui being last on the tier list once because the entire community hated him so much. You're welcome. That was due to a few incidents, one of which involved my group. It's a very small claim to internet fame for me. Fuck that guy and fuck everyone who acts like him.

For the unaware, he showed up just before Brawl came out (there's a big Smash community here in NJ and a lot of us used to play at Mercer County Community College or Rutgers, so we all get around quick) and started acting like Smash people are prone to act, and my group likes to play 4-man Melees with all items off except final smash balls. Top 2 stay in, bottom 2 rotate out, winner picks the level. None of that 24/7 tournament practice bullshit, because some of us are still capable of seeing Smash Bros as a video game instead of a job.

Well Inui did nothing but whine and act like only he knows tech strategies and blah blah blah and we should be practicing 2v2s and etc. So what we would do any time that idiot showed up is gang up on him 3 on 1 so he would have to rotate out. He would occasionally throw a fit, but it was nothing we didn't just laugh off because the guy is a harmless idiot. Well one day he shows up acting extra dumb, so we finally decided in Brawl to pick Mario Bros as a stage and just gang up on him first in every match he was in. You all know the stage.

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/wii/images/e/ee/MBBrawl.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20080504173310

So he throws this gigantic manic fit of rage (I legitimately had to punch him in the mouth at one point because he was clearly about to try getting violent, which is hilarious because I am twice his size) about how Sakurai is an idiot and that level should not be in and blah blah blah. The usual idiocy among Smash pros, you've all seen it I'm sure. So after I punch him and he finally shuts the hell up, he drives home, gets his own Wii, comes back, and hooks it up to the TV 10 feet from us. No one interacted with him or played with him all day. I could get into a very deep conversation here about how bullying and peer pressure in certain situations is actually a good thing because it's part of the normal social structure in getting people to not grow up to act like Inui, but I'm pretty far off the point already. With Ultimate coming out recently, just remember that liking Smash is fine. Acting like Inui or Mew2King is not, and frankly either their parents or their peers should have showed them ages ago that acting like they do is in no way socially acceptable.

These are the tangents I go on for predictable round 2 blowouts. This was never going to actually be a match, because for both characters their entire job was knocking off larger seeds. Wario was meant to stop Monika's rally, and Master Hand was meant to embarrass Final Fantasy again. The only thing about the follow-up act of any interest was the match pictures side by side made it look like Wario was actually wearing Master Hand as a glove. I don't ask for much but someone PLEASE put that on the wiki for me. I beg it of you :D

On a total side note, I love matches or NCAA games with gigantic seeds facing each other like this. It makes me smile.