(4)Bayonetta vs (13)Riku 2018

Ulti's Analysis
Remember how I said during the Geralt round 1 writeup that a case could be made for any of the top half of this division winning three matches? Well count me in as one of the morons who thought Riku could win three times. Good hell. I did eventually change my mind and picked a Geralt/Auron final, but even looking back on what I almost chose there is so embarrassing. I ended up picking Riku to win twice, and I didn't think the logic was that bad, either!

Right before this contest, a massive Kingdom Hearts 3 hype video came out. If ever there was a time for Riku and Sora to go on a tear in a contest, this would be the year. Pair that with Bayonetta being the most hated character in Smash Bros history, and it was a recipe for success. Plus I like the dude's character arc. Sue me.

Oh and I'm not joking about Bayonetta being the most hated character in Smash history, either. She has Kirby/Pikachu/Ness from 64, Sheik and Fox from Melee, and Meta Knight from Brawl completely and totally beat. Bayonetta in Smash 4 might legitimately be the most hated character in fighting game history (Smash is a fighting game, fuck off), and it frankly might not be close. People who play her in tournaments get death threats, which says a lot about how dumb the Smash fans are but I digress. Only Akuma from SF2 compares, and he required a complicated code to unlock and was banned from tournaments anyway.

I can't do this justice with words. I'll let the pros handle that subject.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gilsv3c4-7I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3RzgNS-pWw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e0BVxl3gGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MkKxGgARnI

When you factor all that together, Riku deserved to win. And then on a personal level, when you factor in music it isn't close. Music in games means a lot to me, and if your music is bad I grade you down pretty hard. I'm sure Bayonetta's games are fine. Haven't played them yet, but if they're anything like DMC3, and by all accounts they are, then they're ok. I mean Lady Gaga likes those games, and she would never support anything that's totally dumb like radicalized feminism, right?

Oh.

But to the point. Every. Single. Song in those games is objectively trash. All of them. It's the singular reason I haven't played those games yet. I can't actually listen to any of it without wanting my ears sewn shut. I'm sure Bayonetta actually deserves her contest strength, but she's probably be on Link's level if we could get rid of that laughably awful pair of soundtracks. And I usually like that style of music, too. It's on the level of The World Ends With You for worst soundtrack ever.

This win was convincing enough to make it look like she would make it to Auron, and from there, who knows? No one else in the top half of this division looked all that good in round one, outside Pac-Man but we all know he's fool's gold.