Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 3 Week 3

The Third Week of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 3 Tournament.

Battle 1: RollTheBones vs. Realo
~The Score~

RollTheBones: 7 Realo: 8

~The Raps~

RollTheBones Takin’ you to school like September and we’re happy to be rid of ya’ You’re the league’s ugliest member, you scare away chlamydia

In English it’s my mission to show you that our skills are a juxtaposition Mine are the exhibition of demolition while yours are just apparitions Algebraically it is essential that you understand all my credentials My skills grow in ways exponential while yours have no potential. In current events you’re debating for the right to be a gay groom I’d have a gym class joke here but you only “come” for the change room Get your ass to detention, don’t make me mention a suspension Hopefully you paid attention and have some retention of my lesson

Enough of the concept, you’ve got a feel of my skills, they’re unreal bro My technique is just ideal so now you can that see shit just got real, O!

Realo Why the hell would I need algebra to understand your diction? You're trying to hard to make clever rhymes out of your shitty fiction The witty's missin, if I'm chlamydia then it's for sure a fact That the only STD your sorry ass has never gotten was a "clap" Bricks and bats... to ya skull, so if this is your September Then call me Wyclef Jean cuz I'll be gone until November Remember, Board 8 member, you can quickly get dismembered A contender? I can get this pretender tendered in a blender He misremembers his gender, he don't want the drama sender Kiss my shiny metal ass, call me Rodriguez comma Bender So surrender... quit all the talk about school and detention Cuz gym class is all you passed; you had good "anal retention"

RollTheBones I’ll continue your education with my sensational revelations My vocation is annihilation while yours seems to be lyrical constipation Historically you’re just a foot note like Genghis Khan’s shoe size Metaphorically, I hit like the holocaust where 6 million jews died Philosophically I’m unheard of like leavin’ Descartes confused An impossibility that’s occurred, my rhymes leave great minds bemused. I’m astronomically in control - a genius supernova named Roll Swallow planets whole, while you’re less bright, and suck more than a black hole Got time for one last class for your whack ass to see if you’ll pass But the forecast sure looks bad, the best lines you amassed are surpassed. I’ll leave you broken and chokin’ with all the lines that I’ve spoken, I spit pure fire so hot and provoking that it makes Digi start smokin’

Realo Congratulations R-T-B, you brought out the violent me, aint nobody leavin' The Pat Riley of Board 8, puttin Heat across the chest of everybody breathin' I'm believin', your dramatic thematics are lackin' in the seasonin' I'm the King of Pop, they call all my automatics Mr. Jackson for a reason Commiting treason with the King of static, you're a fanatic little heathen Leavin you steamin like Willie Beamen, idiosyncratic to your screamin' The schematics of Illmatic are pragmatic to this charasmatic diplomatic To being "Ill" you're asymptomatic, you're simply an axiomatic asthmatic You can't understand language this traumatic like I'm Austro-asi-atic Lyrics stuck inside you prostatic, me winning's becoming dog-matic You wanted to go against the great one well I told you can have it Got more lines than double rainbows, your bars are all monochromatic

Battle 2: Wigs vs. ExTha
~The Score~

Wigs: 3 ExTha: 12

~The Raps~

Wigs Time to see ExTha why I am The Champion, gonna Tie You Down (or maybe your Mother) One Vision says gonna Kill you like a Queen, but Make you Bite The Dust, another Don't Stop Me Now if you wanna go clean, Keep Yourself Alive, if you Wanna Live Forever This double act is only for me to be seen, and for you to be feelin' Under Pressure You're rappin' BLIND if you think I won't sweep, more visually impaired than Leela What Imma put you in is real knee-deep, reminded of Portugal and North Korea? Readin' your shit makes me sick in my sleep, incurable with a panacea, Falls apart fast and its real damn cheap, and wobbly like the shit from IKEA Close your eyes n' get ready to pucker, cuz you cant face my sour candy You won't be able to handle this "sucker", like Cena repeatedly scours Randy Send you into spastics like Chris Tucker, I'm fightin' cool like Jackie Chan, see S'why you got no girl beggin' to fuck her, better ask Warning how to get a handy

ExTha They call me Harry Potter see, coz of my linguistic wizardry. You slip trippin' all over ya words like you playin' a game a' verbal twister, B. Fact's that you lackin' phonetically and I'm bout to wax more poetically than Mister 3! Mr. please realize you tried too hard with too much thematic non sense, and it's constant, ya face makes skirts wanna zip up and join convents. Mr. Wiggs, fan of Mets with his NL vote that's gonna be wasted. I cop your doc claim all day and kill mid afternoon coz I'm fuckin' day-vig. I'm a serial killa' in a house of vanilla. Blood spilla'. No man can claim illa'... than the dude who'll drop you in 20 off the bench like Cesc vs. Villa.

So I'd surrender to my villainy, coz too much of me is bad for yer health. Nickname'd ExLax 'coz one round vs. me'll have ya shittin' yerself.

Wigs You proven one thing, that'll be heard around the globe That your idea of bling is donning a wizard's cap and robe You gotta being so felled, like some spectral decorum A rap easily dispelled with my Expecto Patronum From hearin my spell, you'll end up dead or much worse Welcome to Hell, via Unforgivable Verse Then in my maf' scene, there'll be no recess Jus' a funeral, departed Queen, or more likely Princess Day-vig today? I got you at bay, this'll be a cinch 4 left to play, I'm BP SK, so I think I'll No Lynch! Here I got untoppable fame, 'long with buddy Boko Instead beat YOU at YOUR own game, fell my RKO.

ExTha Your verse left us flaccid, with an unrealistic limp dick. So sit back coz I'm bout to kick that ill linguistic pimp shit.

My words will have the crowd rockin', all the ladies ridin' my Johnson, they'll be suckin' my shit and, your words'll have us straight joyrock responsin'. "Wrong, try again kid." hits you, and we can all see that you're lost and I'm more bomb than what Emm-Dub-Cee wants done to Boston. I'm the boss and, this yer death sentence to "I'm gettin' MURKED" Row. Because ExTha's more pimp than the evolution of Murkrow. Head honcho of this game, yo. Did you just seriously hit me with an R-K-O? Coz that shit's half assed, so sit your whack ass back and learn from the master of that craft. I'll have to laugh in this aftermath when I remember I'm top tier and you're mentally half mast. And bring Boko all you want... coz you proved in matches with 2 versus, yer still handicapped!

Battle 3: jdizzy vs. MysteriousStan
~The Score~

jidzzy: 4 MysteriousSan: 10

~The Raps~

MysteriousStan A trial by fire is how this all started Bow your heads now for the dearly departed.

Cause I got that Top Shot like Vash the Stampede Indeed my speed made you concede as ya bleed Quicker n’ liquor downed by a desperate slut – ya light flickers Snicker as I throw ya in the scrap heap for the American Pickers Or pawn ya ass off to Rick and Big Hoss Sign says “Couldn’t Sell” – a financial loss An’ pissed off like the Ice Road Truckers in the middle of summer Joined the Modern Marvels so this ain’t gonna be another bummer.

Gather round jdizzy - slain by Stan of Mystery In case that wasn’t clear, he’s History.

jdizzy Its no mystery that im gonna put ya body in a hearse Your first verse was hella boring, that's why the history theme works My swag is futuristic son, like i hopped out the delorian While you rapping to cavemen and i bet you hear them snoring huh?

Yawn, you made this shit too easy and id go shit yo girl but she really dont please me i dug that bitch out like a palaeontologist then got all up in her head like a fucking psychologist

My name aint MARTY but my style is kinda FLY Your rhymes are OLD like BIFF bitch let me tell you why I knew my lines would leave you cut and in need of a suture Cause you stuck in the past while im back in the future

MysteriousStan Jdizzy all caught up in that futuristic wave Don’t ya know through history the future was paved? But if you like playing in the dirt you should be Chasing Mummies Or maybe not - Dr. Hawass can’t stand you dummies.

Like Mr. Rogers said – “Welcome to the land of Make Believe” Cause you’re fucking a girl only you conceived. I’m single baby, and will be for life - fucking girls left n’ right And when they look at you they’ll say “what a sorry sight”

Two strikes deep – better make the next swing count I’m like the Yankees – a challenge you can’t surmount Cause your previous verse is barely keepin’ ya afloat Cursed to go oh n’ five – just like the Cubs and their Billy Goat.

jdizzy Thank you for waiting patiently, id applaud your persistence But like a lamb to the slaughter your offering no resistance You keep coming back for more, sir are you a masochist? the thrashing im dishing out to you is equal to a fist...

In your ass, I spit fast, suckering sackatash My Tunes are loony, yours is like tuna that gone bad It stinks to high heavens, pe-pe le-pew you always chasing the bitch but the bitch evades you

Its true how you say your gonna be single for life the reason is, cause no girl will stay witchu passed half a night when you pull out little porky they laugh like its a joke put they clothes on and end it like "thats all folks!"

Battle 4: Pats D vs. fetus
~The Score~

Pats D: N/A fetus: DQ

Battle 9: Menji vs. Ed bellis
~The Score~

Menji: 3 Ed Bellis: 11

~The Raps~

Menji Eddy! With that Bizarro face, you a superman wannabe like Sloth Here’s Menji in flight - the butterfly, while you a wingless moth Can’t fly! So travel like Data and you’ll get called by every ref I’m hanging you up in beta - leavin’ you with the babysitter Stef Describing you is easy: pale with braces, the same as Mikey Too skinny to truffle shuffle, but my Mouth says “just do it” - like Nike My rhymes make you cry, a Chunk without his Baby Ruth candy I never say die, I am the Babe, the Goonie emcee Andy Spit your rhymes out and I’ll eat them like they’re Raisin Bran Raps dried up and stale, hear the siren wail – bombin’ like Japan Trapped! I’ll send you a guide dog - hope you don’t go silly ‘Cause I took your eye, Ed Bells – you the next One-Eyed Willy

Ed Bellis You had to specify 'can't fly' as if 'wingless' wasn't sufficient Had to say you 'took my eye' when 'One Eyed Willy' gets a reference I suppose it's only fair that since you're mentally deficient You assume that everybody else has 'stupid' as a preference Menji's like the Anti-Nike, the Bizarro Bellis Blues Motivating all the children with two simple words: 'Just don't' And if Kryptonite's the only thing that Superman eschews I could blow up this Bizarro with my pinky – but I won't 'stead I'll beat you till you're drowning in a river of your tears There's a lesson that's I'm stressing in the midst of all of this If you're paralyzed by doubtfulness and struggling with fears Ask 'Could I beat Menj at Rapping?' and the answer's probably 'Yes.'

Menji Those rhymes are repulsive! A lady growin’ Jumanji down there Beware and forgive me if by bestowin’ - my raps cut you unaware That poetic assist tilts the show in my favor, my very first kiss I insist you call your fans IF they exist before you subsist I have the fans understood and they’re with me ‘til the end A lyrical cult of brotherhood - you couldn’t even comprehend No friends is what bogs you, mine surround me like the fog I’m putting the pressure on you like the jump in leap frog Better yet, I’m the debt collectors on your lyrical finance I’m seeing the future in one glance – “you in a fetal stance” Still givin’ you a chance once I finish peepin’ this narrative Knowing you’ll lose is my moral imperative

Ed Bellis You talk about imperative but you Kant quite understand These linguistics ain't comparative – yours suck and mine are grand You've got narrower grooves than a minor DNA strand If you had any great moves they're like your fetushood - unplanned Understand? I'm like Jumanji so you better roll the dice I'll spell it out in kanji:  Gonna ice you like a statue so you'll be even more a poseur Collect my debts? I'll stab you off so hard it's like four closures Comin' at ya like bulldozers (don't worry, you can't get any flatter) It's kinda like hypnosis – I don't mind and you don't matter So scatter like confetti at my victory celebration And make like Ugly Betty in the rot of cancellation.