Thursday, August 22nd, 2013
Crash Bandicoot won his first ever contest match, over some scrub named Ulala, and then spent 10 years as a running joke. So it's only fitting that in one of our weirdest contests ever, someone like Crash Bandicoot gets to go out on such a high note. Can you remember any character getting to feel so good about finishing in last place? There were a couple of reasons for this, but the biggest one is that Crash freaking deserved some run in a contest. The lesser reason is that he helped expose Elizabeth and Bioshock Infinite as a complete and total fraud in this contest.
Not that it started that way. Elizabeth actually looked really good for second place early, and built up a lead near 400 overnight. But then the morning vote hit, and Crash went on a torrent pace that looked like a comeback pace, but Elizabeth was able to stall just enough updates to eke out second place by 63 votes.
Fact: Crash Bandicoot was hurt a lot by Kirby's presence, and not only would have beaten Elizabeth were this a 24 hour 1v1 match, but this poll being 24 hours long means Crash gets second place with ease.
Fact: If this were a 1v1 contest, almost none of the gurus would have picked Crash > Elizabeth and we would have had one of the best guru upsets ever.
I'd talk more about Kirby getting first, but we all knew that was coming and I can't resist FINALLY giving Crash some freaking contest hype. It was 11 years. 11 years!! Hats off to the guy, he deserves some time in the sun instead of just being stuck in another fodder spot. This was one of the biggest losses that felt like a win I can remember. Bioshock Infinite just looked so, so bad in this contest.
Crash was able to beat another Western icon in Round 1, but what about Round 2? Could he beat the face of Bioshock?
Well, maybe in 2018. But in 2013 he didn't. One could say he crashed and bur-- you know what, I really don't want to finish that joke. I'm sorry. I should have skipped writing today and gone to see The Meg alone.
Crash beat Wheatley, yeah, but Elizabeth, despite being omitted from the cover of BioShock Infinite, was still the most popular character by far in the porn-- I mean, uh, in the game itself. A lot of people have turned on BioShock Infinite in recent years. It was super hyped when it came out because of the ending, but the game itself was pretty shallow.
Maybe if they had actually aimed to make a game like the E3 demo it would have been more fondly remembered in 2018: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muJYTeQlvC4
I got off track again, sorry. Crash blew it here, he probably was affected by Kirby in some way, yeah, but he still could have pulled it off if he wasn't such a joke. I don't think anyone even took Crash, someone can check the Guru stats. Post-remake, he definitely could pull off an upset.