Results Edit

Round OneR1M5
Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Ulti's Analysis Edit

This was our first match that was a true match from beginning to end. No one had any clue what any of these three characters would do, the picture shed no light on anything, and a legit argument from boobs to game quality could be made for all three. The only real standout factors were Fire Emblem (Nintendo always does well) and Borderlands 2 winning our Game of the Year poll, though games =/= characters is a pretty big rallying cry in these contests.

Come match time, Tharja jumped out to a big early lead, while second place was way up in the air. Juliet led by 60 early, but Tina left her in the dust pretty quickly and Juliet was ultimately stuck in last place rather early.

(I feel like I'm announcing a mud wrestling match, this is so dumb.)

Once Juliet was out of the picture for good, the match seemed over. We have a line on Board 8 called the Nintendo Power Hour, and Tharja used that to build up a 400 vote lead in this poll. That lead got up to 437 pretty quickly, too, before Tina started her long (very long) and slow (VERY slow) march toward coming back.

To put this in perspective, Tharja's lead was 437 at 1:30. At 4, it was 383. I don't know how many of you play Magic the Gathering or did any M14 limited, but

That card's nickname is "Wall of Stall", because f*** that card in limited.

It continued on like this for a long time, though Tina was overall getting the lead down. Then the morning vote came, and the lead went from 300 to tied in about 3 hours. Under normal trends, Tina probably would have gone on to win this match. But this was the Contest of Rallying, and it didn't take long for 4chan to notice the match and push Tharja over the top to hold on for a close win.

It's hard to really say if Tharja flopped or Tina performed really well, because we have no data here. This is also a good match to get into my opinion on 12 hour matches. For the most part, they're a great idea in early rounds to weed out all the garbage quickly, because no one wants to see 24 hours of Link, Tingle, and Isaac doing nothing. But every now and again, you get a match where 24 hours would have been awesome, and this was one of those matches.

But even still, 12 hours for 2 rounds and 24 hours from 3 on is the exact format we need from now on. Hopefully Allen sticks with it. The 1 match in 10 that needs to be 24 hours is not worth making the other 9 suck for 24 hours.

Zen's (Late) AnalysisEdit

I don't remember exactly how people were predicting this match, to most people it was a battle of TJF between Tharja and Juliet, with people giving Tharja the nod because she was the hot new Nintendo girl at the time.

And I mean hot


That is the only time an officially licensed Nintendo product has made me sweat

other than this:

Ganondorf action figure I blame you for the present-day mess that is my sexuality

Anyway, back on track. Kind of. I recently replayed Borderlands 2. All of it. By myself. I had a ton of free time and I remembered that I had never played the DLC, so I got the Handsome Edition and gave it another shot.

Is there anything, anything more dated than Borderlands 2's humor?

People voted for this character. People think this is funny. To be fair, Tina's voice actress is pretty funny. Or at least she was in 2011 internet humor:

Mike Haggars' mustache I blame you for the present-day mess that is my sexuality

Anyway, back on track, Borderlands was a surprise hit on the FAQs, and it shows here. I meant, Shooty McSplodeFace or whatever his name was made the field this year. The games are good! The writing is kind of bad though. I wonder if anyone will nominate a Borderlands character this year seeing as the series has been on the backburner while Gearbox throws away its money putting the iconic Battleborn characters into Ready Player One.

Juliet Starling was the main character of the flavor-of-the-month game Lollipop Chainsaw which got mediocre reviews but was (and still is) the best-selling Suda51 game. It had a huge marketing campaign and Juliet was at the forefront. There's an embarrassing picture of me with Jessica Nigri dressed up as Juliet Starling floating around the internet somewhere.

Jessica Nigri as Juliet Starling I blame you for the present-day mess that is my sexuality

So yeah this match was way closer than anyone thought it would be but these three are all basically fodder anyway. People overestimated Tharja but she still pulled it off. There's not much to say here, it seems like a close and interesting match but when you try to break it down you end up analyzing your sexuality instead.

2013 Contest Matches

Round One
Link > Isaac > Tingle
Raiden > Waluigi > Alan
Yoshi > Solaire > Demi-Fiend
Shepard > Olimar > Kain
Tharja > Tina > Juliet
Aeris > Hero > Rinoa
Draven > Jak > Chie
Ryu > Yuri L > Face
X > Jigglypuff > Welkin
Sonic > Fei > Dan
Dracula > Lucina > Caim
Barret > Layton > Reimu
Wrighto > Marth > Nightmare
Vincent > KOS-MOS > Dunban
Mewtwo > Zero > Chester
The Boss > Chrom > Heavy
Sub-Zero > Garrus > Frank
Bowser > M.Knight > Archer
Seph > Midna > L.Mac
Morrigan > Edgey > 47
Spyro > Clementine > Reyn
Luigi > Balthier > Jade
Big Boss > Viridian > Peacock
Ness > Locke > CATS
Elizabeth > Poison > Thrall
Kirby > Terra > Peach
Crash > Wheatley > Vercetti
Snake > Isaac > Keen
Alucard > C.Falcon > Rydia
Bayonetta > N > Wander
GLaDOS > Cole > Ragna
Ike > Proto Man > Robotnik
Epona > Mordin > Niko
Altair > Ratchet > Shulk
Lara > Slime > Yuri H
Kefka > Zack > Ryu H
Cloud > Prinny > Armstrong
Frog > Joe > Jack
Lugia > Sly > York
Dante > Laharl > Raz

Squirtle > Ramza > Denton
Zidane > Ridley > Dancin'
Shadow > Yu > Kat
Leon > Wesker > Oliver
Gordon > Simon > Hades
Crono > Missile > Kerrigan
Pikachu > Lloyd > Big Daddy
Magus > Otacon > Jade C
Sora > Scorpion > Aya
Gilgamesh > Booker > Kaim
Yoshimitsu > Lu Bu > Groose
G&W > Lee > Meat Boy
Drake > Pac-Man > Steve
Blue > Fox > Wolf
Samus > Sandbag > Isaac C
Catherine > Neku > Vaas
Knuckles > Celes > Seifer
Ezio > Tails > Bomberman
Auron > Ocelot > Roxas
L-Block > Palutena > Teemo
Dragonborn > Nook > P.Head
Yuna > Chief > Claire
Tifa > Chun-Li > Cirno
Mario > Duke > Fawful
Vivi > Jensen > Marisa
Ganondorf > Guybrush > Max
Squall > Rayman > Video
Ammy > Vyse > Adol
Missingno > Tidus > Banjo
Wario > Creeper > KoAC
Red > Corvo > Sissel
Wrex > Cecil > Pit
MM > Magikarp > Geno
Kratos > Recette > Travis
Jill > Haggar > Red Bird
Zero > Kratos A > Boko
WCC > Claptrap > Lenneth
Rikku > ?-Block > Lyndis
Zelda > Marston > Sackboy
DK > Lightning > Falco
Charizard > Riku > Nier

Round Two and Beyond
Link > Raiden > Yoshi
Shepard > Aeris > Tharja
Draven > X > Ryu
Sonic > Barret > Dracula
Mewtwo > Wrighto > Vincent
Bowser > Sub-Zero > The Boss
Sephiroth > Morrigan > Spyro
Big Boss > Luigi > Ness
Kirby > Elizabeth > Crash
Snake > Alucard > Bayonetta
GLaDOS > Epona > Ike
Kefka > Altair > Lara
Cloud > Frog > Lugia
Squirtle > Dante > Zidane
Leon > Gordon > Shadow
Pikachu > Crono > Magus
Sora > Gilgamesh > Yoshimitsu
Blue > Drake > G&W
Samus > Knuckles > Catherine
L-Block > Auron > Ezio
Tifa > Dragonborn > Yuna
Vivi > Mario > Ganondorf
Squall > Missingno > Ammy
Red > Wrex > Wario
MM > Jill > Kratos
Zero > Rikku > WCC
Charizard > Zelda > DK
Draven > Link > Shepard
Mewtwo > Sonic > Bowser
Sephiroth > Kirby > Big Boss
Snake > GLaDOS > Kefka
Squirtle > Cloud > Leon
Pikachu > Sora > Blue
Samus > Tifa > L-Block
Red > Squall > Vivi
MM > Charizard > Zero
Draven > Mewtwo > Sephiroth
Snake > Pikachu > Squirtle
Samus > MM > Red
Draven > Snake > Samus (Finals)

Caim > Dancin' > Chester

Bonus Matches
Mario > Crono > X
Link > Snake

MM > Mewtwo > Pikachu

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