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Who is Agent J? Edit

Agent J (Agent BA2) is the lead playable Elite Beat Agent on "Cruisin'" (normal) mode in Elite Beat Agents for the DS. EBA is a rhythm-based game that has the player tap to the beats of songs by Avril Lavigne, Sum41, David Bowie and more. But the only one that's important is David Bowie, because, y'know... He's David Bowie.

With a cry of "HEEEEAAAAALP," the Agents are summoned to help those in need. Along with Agent Derek and Agent Morris, J's backup dancers (who are actually better dancers than him, as they can keep up with Agent Chieftain on "Sweatin'" mode), Agent J takes the semi-important missions that Agent Spin can't handle and that Agent Chieftain and the Elite Beat Divas are too busy to take care of. So, basically, he won't help a babysitter take care of the kids, and he won't help a retired baseball player defeat a lava golem, but he'll help a Paris Hilton knock-off woo wild animals into making her food and helping a hapless sea captain find sunken treasure to the beats of "Y.M.C.A."

Personality-wise, Agent J is a bit short on backstory. Details are bleak, other than he has a slight Brooklyn accent, he can surf and (obviously) he loves to dance (and maybe sing?). People may assume that the "J" is short for Jason or Jeremy or something, but I believe that it's just a decoy to throw people off from the fact that he's really David Bowie in cool sunglasses and an even cooler orange pompadour.

While Agent J may seem to be just some lame-o who dances to Madonna and Ashlee Simpson, you have to admit he has one of the coolest jobs in the world. He saved the earth from music-hating aliens and got to go dance for a sexy white blood cell inside the body of a large black man... all with his unwavering smirk. He's infinitely cooler than his Japanese counterpart, Ipponji Ryuta (from the covers of the Ouendan games), who is always screaming random Japanese words and flailing his arms around like Michael J. Fox trying to scratch his back. While Agent Chieftain may be a seven feet tall Native American man with an awesome beard and hat and the ability to dance twice as fast as J, you have to admit… J makes this look good.

"Music lives!" - Agent J
"Ziggy played... Guitaaaar!" - David Bowie

Contest History Edit

Win-Loss Record: 0-1

Summer 2007 Contest - Division 4 - First Group

  • Division 4 Round 1 --- 4th place, 6468 [4.41%] - Link, 103465 [70.50%] - Bidoof, 23419 [15.96%] - Miles Edgeworth, 13397 [9.13%]

Agent J's lone contest appearance seemed to be designed to make him fail - all four characters appear on the DS and Nintendo systems, and Elite Beat Agents is extremely cult. Naturally, Agent J did even worse than expected. What his true strength is, we may never know.

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