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The First Week of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 2 Tournament.

~Week 1~[]

Battle 1: The Beginning vs. DigitalIncision[]

~The Score~

The Beginning: 6
DigitalIncision: 5

~The Raps~

The Beginning
I vaguely remember a time not far removed
When TB rap-battled DI, but it wasn't Realo-Approved
By the time it was over, it was clear who'd been outdone
DI was buried under a votal that toppled 14 to 1
There was crying and self doubt, greater thans pointing my direction
DI contemplating if he could bounce back from board-wide rejection
So, why even bother with this week? Is it just to waste my flow?
It's got to be for more than this Cherry Coke-sponsored dog and pony show
That's OK, though. That was only target practice for this week's main event
Where you have to go through all the shame again to your heart's discontent
So, DI, while you were too concerned with a topic jerking off Marcy Playground
The Beginning was waiting patiently on his throne to be formally crowned

DigitalIncision
Beginning your version must be a little hazy
That recollection is ****, son you must be crazy
You may have taken that battle, but this where it counts
I'm comin' strong, regardless of your whacked accounts
You came hot, rollin' one sick flow, beasted a little but its still my show
An' for tonight's show how about a game you may know
I spy with my little eye--twelve-lines-supplied by-this-guy-tonigh'
Twelve little lines in which you apply yah lies
A full "flow" that doesn't run it trickles
Were those insults, Beginnin, 'cause really that tickles
An' speakin' of Marcy Playground this reminds of this song
"Bye Bye," TB, its clear ya don't belong.

The Beginning
Ok, DI, I'm a man of the present, so I won't focus on the past
After we're done here, your lines will be the King's, "God Almighty we're free at last!"
Though I'd listen to X if I were you, "put the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary."
You can never escape my grasp, I'm the hunter, and you're on the open prairie
You can pray in the monastery, oh but on the contrary, they'll never be answered
"Hi, God, it's DI, tell the Beginning to stay away, he's nothing but a bastard!"
As it falls on echoes, I suggest you convert pagan,
No force can block me, I "tear down the wall" in the words of Ronnie Reagan
All you can say, DI, is "oh boy that tickles," you're a posting Elmo toy
Don't worry son, one of these days, Geppetto will finally turn you into a real boy
And when I see your name next to mine? I can't help but be overjoyed
Cause I hate to break it to you, this wasn't deja vu, again you got destroyed

DigitalIncision
"Free at last" from your bad flow, finally you done
You rhyme well but bro but a schme-you-seem ta have shunned
There's more to rappin' than the last sound of each word
I wonder what rap you listen to or how much you've heard
My prayers were already answered 'fore this battle began
"Please two raps only" 'cause I didn't wanna hear you spit again
But not outta fear or wantin' to stop rappin
But mostly because the scheme-you-bring an' ya words you overlappin'
Yo ass just got reamed from this verbal arsenal I'm strappin'
You really underwhelmed me, TB, I'm-almost-nappin'
It really is deja-vu 'cause all I'm really seein
is two verses too many from Beginnin this evenin.


Battle 2: Ed Bellis vs. MajinZidane[]

~The Score~

Ed Bellis: 10
MajinZidane: 2

~The Raps~

Ed Bellis
Wake the children, sound the klaxons, tell the Web from Drudge to Sporcle
Better let Morgoth and Kaxon know: here comes the hip-hop Oracle
Make women grunt, make men cry sweetly; Bellis takes no prisoners
Any fool thinks they’ll defeat me? That **** makes less sense than “Vissionerz”
Here’s MC MZ, foolish kid, thinks he’s got half a pray-ah
Better get his dumb ass good and hid from this poetic playah
Either spiky-haired or monkey-tailed you better start repentance
Cause you’re predestined to fall and fail before you’ve typed a sentence
There’s no hope for ya, this match is tapped before it’s even started
Oh, excuse me please – hold up, you rapped? I thought I’d simply farted
Gonna wear you down like tire’s tread and break your back like Bane
That’s what happens when the great King Ed meets one MajinZidane.

MajinZidane
recognition alone, ed rasies me high, expecting an unquestioned fold
my mission implied, got "kings" in the hole, my gaze is nothing but bold.
a kick to the groin to set up my smite, got you stunned while i am stone-cold
your defense is good, your coverage is great, but dammit i'm Larry Fitzgerald.

i'm not gonna scoop, push the trumpets aside, it's time for an heir to your throne.
king ed, they'll all read, "may he rest here in peace" - the words on your quiet tombstone.
my rite to ascend, a new age for all, here comes the mighty MZ.
my trance lights the hall, like kuja you'll fall, both not quite a matchup for me.

you're the first one to die, my horror you fear like an angered freddie or jason.
with two seconds left, clutch the ball in my hands, spot up like a fresh Roger Mason.
my words pack a punch, like a sword to your heart, my existance is your living hell.
take a boot to your skull, throw you down, knock you out, you're a koopa without its green shell.

Ed Bellis
I laugh at your attempts to make a mock’ry of this process
Your decent rhymes are rarer than a Pittsburgh steak at Hoss’s
You’re tomato to my pesto in the paragon of sauces
Got you crucified like Jesus, guess you really shouldn’ta crossed dis
Dunno where you got the message that ‘stone-cold’ rhymes with ‘Fitzgerald’
You read tombstones, I write epitaphs: ‘I shot him, double-barreled’
Freddy Krueger ain’t got **** on me; it’s your life that’s imperiled
I’ve got rap’s own Power Cosmic, and you’re nothin’ but my herald
You’re like Roger Mason, that’s for sure, but not for being clutch
It’s because you’re full of bull (did the italics spoil too much?)
I guess subtlety just ain’t your thing, so I’ll be blunt and such:
When your raps have faded, dead and gone, no one will miss them much.

MajinZidane
they don't spoil a thing, you must be reposed, dreaming of a fantasy
my words are your king, this here is real life, my own exclusive rhapsody.
this dyne is your fault, this stage is my 'show,' i'm out of your max capacity.
you're tied to a halt, with nowhere to go, i'll show you my fearless tenacity.

a sword is your bane, i'll steal from you too, i'm saying you might as well flee.
your hits i will feign, your attacks barely strain, like a mage with zero MP.
my words are your scorn, i aim for the horn, i'm fire and you're just a tree
i hold A and stare, quick spin and i tear, and now you're an amputee.

my fists are like steel, my kicks you can't parry, you're a mortal while i have immortality.
my pain you can't heal, my skill is unreal, this fight was a perfect fatality.
so ed how's it feel, you're not quite ahead, and hey - i'm just a rookie.
you can squirm, cry or squeal, you're not getting free, i'm Han and you're my pet wookie.


Battle 3: BBallman7 vs. WalrusJump[]

~The Score~

BBallman7: 10
WalrusJump: 1

~The Raps~

BBallman7
I'm a God, you should learn this, get back on your knees and finish your service
You look nervous...retreat to the surface,
Giving head is your purpose win this match I deserve this,
I was born to be a wordsmith you belong in the circus,
In case you ain't heard this, let me try and reword it,
Get DQ'd, say I didn't earn it before they turn in the verdict
You're worthless...beaten and shirtless
My verses are worshipped, yours are furthest from perfect.
You're in over your head, Mr. Double You Jay,
I'll leave you for dead, so what do you say?
I can start a riot and still get a parade
And there won't be a David beating a Goliath today.

WalrusJump
You are correct - your David won't stand a chance against my rhymes
Your weak-ass **** in a slingshot won't kill me this time
Go ahead and call yourself God - I won't listen, I'll just murder ya
Ripping your blasphemous ass to shreds just like Gojira
The fire that I spit out of my hypothetical lips
Will be your kiss of death, your unholy apocalypse
Compared to my flow, your stuff ain't nothing more than mild
Which is why you might as well be a red-headed stepchild
Are you ready, BBallman? 'Cause these raps will leave you bawling
You won't be able to lay anything down, 'cause you'll just be squalling
The appalling devastation here will allow for nothing more
But that's par for my course - just chalk one up to Walrus' score.

BBallman7
I can rap like a kid too, you're a dick wad,
And you're getting beaten worse than a Michael Vick dog.
I already won, you're getting crucified like my only son,
The damage is done, I'm second to none.

You should get extra lines, cuz this just seems criminal,
You don't understand syllables, I said I'm a God, take that **** literal,
This ain't political, your chances are minimal
My first shot pierced your heart, your condition is critical.

You think my flow is mild, but yours is nothin' but broken,
You say that you're Goliath, what the **** are you smokin'?
I make a living killing noobs, business is open,
And now you're choking on your words so plainly misspoken.

WalrusJump
Get this guy to a hospital - he's spewing nonsense
'Cause no one sane can give this piss-poor a defense
You're not the father of Jesus, you just need to see a shrink
Because your title hopes were always completely doomed to sink
I may just be a kid, but it's your **** that's juvenile
Looking at your pathetic effort is really just vile
My eyes are bleeding here, but my raps will draw your blood
The way you rap, you ain't fit to be anything but mud
My flow is broken - but the way you say it is mistaken
It's overpowered, unbeatable, leaving you forsaken
Shaken by my ability, totally humiliated
But when facing me that's just the way it was meant to be fated.


Battle 4: Jukkie vs. Xtremeblur[]

~The Score~

Jukkie: 0
Xtremeblur: 13

~The Raps~

Jukkie
As I enter the scene, my rhymes be blowin' up
Blur ain't never seen, the times they be showin' up
Try as hard as you can, but you will never understand
I shoot you down like an Afghan, smack you with my backhand

I can pop, I can roll, I can hit you with the southern soul
This ain't no co-op, so go ahead troll, stroll on while I get my goal
It just ain't your time, and with me it never will be
This is my limelight nicca can ya feel me?

When ****in' with me you just outta your zone, you an afterthought
Everything you do is for naught, go ahead and be distraught
Try to appease me, followin' the bylaws, yell about my shortfalls
You couldn't squeeze in these drawlz if you was my dick and balls

Xtremeblur
Allow me to present a brief introduction - the name is Blur
Newcomer to this rap battle junction, but a veteran prior
So before you think you're facing a nobody, I'd like you to understand
I've been rockin' the mic generations before your conception was planned

The eighth wonder of the world, a lyrical prowess so refined
The words they assign to my mind are as of yet undefined
And about my skill it seems to me you've been grossly misinformed
The only afterthought here is your own "Nope, Unicorns"

There's a reason your paper's running away from you and your pens try to hide
The lines that's coming outta that mouth are worse than GLaDOS' lies
So please go back and retract all those rhymes you're readying in your reply
You couldn't ghostwrite if your invisible ink pen died

Jukkie
Beep, beep echo, your whole rap sounds like a song by Nickeback
You repeat the flow, questionin' me? Step off son, you hella wack
I may be all about unicorns, and rainbows, and pimpin'
But you nothing but a Blur in name and with women

You gotta be better when you rappin' with the Jukkie
I'm made outta cheddar, throw on a vest you can be my caddie
I mix it up as I go, but I never drop the flow
You stay low, that's the best position for you to blow

Now I know it's burden with your slow wit, but I gotta give you credit
Like with your sister jam her, 31 times I've hit that ***** with my hammer
Well this is it Blur the end of the show
Don't feel bad, you just lost to a pro.

Xtremeblur
My vocation is the vicious verbose I recite on occasion
Jukkie's sloppy cop-outs are hastily bickering and lazily written impersonations
Blur's the underground king with a sting so shattering it breaches land
I panned my view to the sky as planned to induce a high that extended my wingspan

A rap mastermind comin' with the introspective, highly trained with no deception
Turnin' the world upside down just to ease up your perspective, call it a blessin'
Now I await the next contender who's ready to be slayed in various ways rarely seen
Poor Anri's unaware he's up against the second coming of DC - I'll leave this last bit short and sweet

I Rock more than Aesop, my Technique's Immortalized
Iller than Nas and more skill than Jurrassic 5
You're Doomed, MF, it's Ludacris to even try
This battle is a bigger tragedy than the day that Pac died


Battle 5: Aeon Azuran vs. TheKnightOfNee[]

~The Score~

Aeon Azuran:
TheKnightOfNee:

~The Raps~

Aeon Azuran


TheKnightOfNee


Aeon Azuran


TheKnightOfNee



Battle 6: sonicblastpunch vs. nintendogirl1[]

~The Score~

sonicblastpunch: 16
nintendogirl1: 6

~The Raps~

sonicblastpunch
this charismatic conqueror of all mediums electric
again selected to showcase the modern face of dialectic
finds the quality of his opponent low for this release
'cause if incompetence were artwork you would be a masterpiece
it's not to say i disbelieve yer chances of clever retorts
but i'll tear through yer best defense like a chainsaw through pillow forts
the forecast for my victory parade's sunny like tammy sytch
once i've scrambled yer brains and rocked yer head like i'm biff slamkovich
so get yerself resigned to bein decommissioned and delisted
yer chances are like women on the internet, nonexistent
or so bloated and hideous as to be an affront to god
the widest girl in the whole world -- the broadest broad abroad
so i'll take the food right from yer mouth when i'm proclaimed the winner
because 'nintendogirl' rearranges to spell 'got nil dinner'

nintendogirl1
Illiterate, I knew you were, innumerate is new,
In 12 bars come my answer, you can keep your extra two.
You reckon you’re a conqueror, a dialectic warrior,
I reprimand your thoughts in this, your attitude gets sorrier.

Conqueror Caesar, call me Brutus, Lord above Jesus, call me Judas.
Those forced to listen to you, by now begging, “please god shoot us”
So that’s two who face the beast, but now it’s Clay who’ll on you feast,
Say your last words, I’ll play priest, floating, stinging with a rate increased.

You stand tall, for a man at the end, watching his life start to fail,
I’d commend you for that, in an instant, a flash, if only you weren’t so frail,
So I’ll pass on dinner, I’ve better then that, because in the cabinet next to me,
Moet et Chandon, unopened as yet, and a schedule empty till 3.

sonicblastpunch
i'd forgot yer alcoholism but thanks for the reminder
that you've had it ever since yer momma drank with you inside her
and i suspect once delivered you had been mistaken maybe
for a fine martini 'cause it's clear you were a shaken baby
even now as an adult you can't be counted on to eat
yer dinner, dialogue and brain are all unformed and incomplete
you mumble about pugilism as though success you're expectin
you're swingin but never blockin cause yer face ain't worth protectin
so when i select my star punch it'll leave yer vision swimmin
just like tyson of punch-out i'm very skilled in beatin women
but don't think yer gender is the reason you're sent packin home
the problem's obviously yer extra twenty-first chromosome

nintendogirl1

You’re an underaged user to whom liquor makes sicker
But that don’t give you the right to kick a vicar any quicker,
And though I ain’t, ecclesiastic, I know you’ll find me, enthusiastic,
As I dominate, trip the light fantastic, your overhaul is gonna be drastic
And as for Tyson, to a point I agree,
You’re the big name, sell-out, who served time in Cell B.
Crimes against rhymes, against the Nurembergs of grammar,
Sit with Hammer in the slammer, till you spit, not stammer.
You’ve a woman beating Punch? So you’re a puppet collector,
Leave it with Judy, I’m a much greater spectre,
My communiques amaze, upon my gaze your look stays,
But you don’t interest me, I got my cabriolets.


Battle 7: TimJab vs. Biolizard[]

~The Score~

TimJab: 0
Biolizard: 10

~The Raps~

TimJab
Before we begin, let me fill you in,
Set one thing straight and let you know where you rate,
You're Biolizard, I'm Sonic and this is your final battle,
I'mma spin dash your ass leave you mutilated like cattle,
Like Johnny Cage I'm claimin Flawless Victory,
You're like a steak to me, I'm eatin you alive,
Chewin you up, spittin you out watchin you nosedive
*BEAT STOPS, TIMJAB GOES ACAPELLA*
The winner is easy to guess cuz I spit PK fire like Ness,
And your ****s a mess I leave the crowd breathless,
Givin TimJobs that make your lady say "OH YES!"
*DROPS MIC LIKE BADASS*

Biolizard
So he finally arrives, droppin' a quick rhyme
But respondin' to ya garbage, just a waste of my time
A battle over 'fore it even begun
You've got 24 hours, so turn your tail an run
This Flawless Victory turnin' into Brutality
This battle needs to stop, it disturbs my morality
I ain't gonna falter, and I ain't scared
It just don't sit with me to fight da rappin' impaired
Words flowin' through your mouth like stones
But it's already worn from eatin' so many 'bones'
So put up your next beat to be ripped and torn
You've messed with da bull, and next comes da horns

TimJab
i got 24 hours but baby i'm jack bauer,
time to unleash the powers, give your girl a golden shower,
make her a catcher like joe mauer, i'm not sweet i'm sour,
i bring no flowers, just hit her til she cowers,
lizard shows up and says "what's happenin here",
things are not as they appear,
girls all punch-drunk like she just chugged a beer,
she got the look of fear, too bad her dude's a *****,
knock lizard out then i hit her from the rear,
lizard wakes up 23 hours later,
realize timjab ruled his ass like he was a dictator,
he says to himself "i wish i was straighter",
timjab delivered his ass on a plate like a waiter,
and made sure he knew who will always be greater

Biolizard
You may call it rap, but all I hear is white noise
These poor walls of text are what I aim to destroy
From cows onto *****es, one subject to another
Start instultin, tim, and quit talkin bout your mother
The same old insults, all copied an pasted
I take comfort in the fact that no real talent was wasted
4 rhymin lines ain't special, every rapper knows how
If ya wanna see it done right, I'll show right now
The Vader to your Luke, I'm yo daddy, yo master
Compared to me, you a lyrical disaster
I can see your pain, you poor old bastard
But it's over now cause Bio just put you out to pasture


Battle 8: RustyMrMokka vs. ExThaNemesis[]

~The Score~

RustyMrMokka: 2
ExThaNemesis: 10

~The Raps~

RustyMrMokka
Let’s start this off by saying tha name is Rusty
The age that your at ExTha is making you look pretty dusty
Ya wish you could be me and be playing tha game
Except your on the sidelines watching my the rise to fame
I know if I’d to Arsenal you’d get excited
But I ‘d rather go to a good team like Manchester United
Reason is that I’m gonna get paid, look over at my maid
Gotta kick back so we both get laid
Get another call bout for my next contract raise
I’m tha only one to knows who enjoys this much praise
The paparazzi wants a interview with me
But I say **** them and the people know what type of person I am, y’all see

ExThaNemesis
It has come to my attention that your vision’s lackin’ clarity.
You’re hangin’ on to the disparity that with me and you there’s parity.
In all the hilarity, I got the notion that I should help.
By exposin’ that your flow’s as cold as the arctic ocean.
It came out with no emotion, lacked any sort of devotion...
‘Coz if you think you can beat me, homie your head’s locked.
Like a fan that thinks Manny still plays for the Red Sox.
So let me fill you in on this Nemesis known as ExTha.
I’m worse than white supremacists tryin’ to behead ya.
It’s the Age of Me, it’s just like Randy Orton said,
When we’re done the lines’ll say Rusty and his boys are dead.
Killed by the man that hears voices inside his head.

RustyMrMokka
Sorry Extha, you can’t keep up wit tha pace
You seem to be in last in the middle of this race
As always I’m just going way too fast
And you gotta learn to stop livin in tha past
Cause the future is upon us, you know I’m gonna win
To help with your failure, I’ll send you some gin
But that doesn’t help your very rough patch
And now you want to have a match
You’d lose just like Ortan in the middle of a ceil
I might just send you to tha depths of hell
And when your funeral starts up
The people will start drinkin from their cups

ExThaNemesis
Newspapers read that I bruise faces, I’m a true rapist.
Six o’clock news anchors call me the new Jason!
Displacin’ and replacin’ Mokka’s face with open spaces.
Coz facin’ me’s like wearin’ cleats with no laces….
I’m like a killer from Detroit, and I don’t need steroids.
But watch me when these A-Rod A-Bombs get deployed.
So you and your three boys think that you can beat me boy?
Well **** with me boy and watch your whole street get destroyed!
It’s best you’re sticking with football man, coz this ain’t your career.
You done seen what happened when you faced RAP’s Premier.
And next time you wanna pick on ExTha’s Arsenal, remember.
Every ***** that’s ever tried that got DISMEMBERED.


Battle 9: Swif7y vs. Forceful Dragon[]

~The Score~

Swif7y: 11
Forceful Dragon: 1

~The Raps~

Swif7y
thou sayest that thou got the words to spit.
but I feel like battling you is lowerin myself a bit.
my heart provides a beat at first discreet, so come and listen.
my lyrical biorhythm more vivid than a violent vision.
i'll have this dragon hissin like a serpent's curses.
my sick, ill & allergic verses purges your spirit's surface.
your efforts will be worthless once my mind & the beat merges.
to crush this verbal virgin with the words i'll be servin.
FD is a just a novice at this rap rhyming process.
i spit so swift it makes you nauseous, i'm hotter than cajun sauce is.
so please accept your losses cause you're dealin with a colossus.
so ahead of my time i cast shadows on watches.

Forceful Dragon
Leave the 'thou's at home this is a board 8 battle
Fronting ancient prattle, prepare to be rattled...

Don't look now but I'm chasing you, doggedly racin you
Easily out pacing you with my elaborate ode
Forcibly I'm erasing you, last place is embracing you
Fully disgracing you, countless curses bestowed

You musta been high just to mimic my class
Now I'm up to my thigh with my boot up your ***
Infinite acceleration of my force through your mass

Those are the physics of rap, for the uneducated
next to me you're unrated, your lyrics are hated
You're the black sheep of rap, nearly unrelated

Swif7y
your poetry is old to me, i'll eat your corrosively.
you scared like you standin on the sidewalk with frozen feet.
my foes repeat their styles so keep prayin the rosary.
holdin holy beads hopelessly as swif7 finds souls to reap.

when i pierce FD's eardrums with my lyrical blade.
it stabs bone, missin this mental slave's miniature brain.
better maintain your distance, can't catch my sickness.
what i use for toilet paper is your name on my **** list.

your physics or philosophy is comedy, your rap gets walked on.
bet your last girl was a blow-up doll bought from ebay.com
FD you can't handle this, you'll suffer severe damages.
more wounds and whiplashes than you can dress with 50 bandages.

Forceful Dragon
A rappin battle with you marks the weakest of ails
When you tally the "damage" I'm only hearin tall tales
The facts of it is, to your blades I'm impervious
I'm gonna lay it down slow so you better take note of this

I'm a symphonic rap prodigy, always center stage
Masquerading your rage can't hide truth from my gaze
You're severely ecclipsed in this, no hope of a tryst for us
Even shakin off the rust I'm Zues to your Polyphemus

Does it disturb to lose even before you began?
White Knight to Black Queen, outmaneuvered again
But for the sake of your aches I'm easing my brakes
In memory of your date with mistakes I'll say only; Checkmate.


Battle 10: Ayvuir vs. TheLastOblesik[]

~The Score~

Ayvuir: 0
TheLastOblesik: 6

~The Raps~

Ayvuir
Aww yeh, i've been waiting for this all week
When i'm done i'll let you kiss my ass cheek
TLO, Your mom's a ho, mind if i give her a go?
Blow? fo'sho! Generic banter steals me the show!
So you're "TheLast" Well i'll make you extinct
Or at least send you to the nearest presinct
I only hope you can cope, and dont drop the soap
Though guys in the shower will probs need a telescope!
A brothers gonna end up grabbing you and using his toys
And you can go to a tea party with Mer and his boyz.
Your not slick, you'll drop like a brick, cos you ain't got the knack
My rap was sick, like a dropkick! Hell yeh...Ayvuir's back!

TheLastOblesik
Buenas noches hombres de Board 8, asi es Ayvuir
Pienso que rapes pero no lo puedo oir
Tu cuerpo es practico, entonces lo voy a dividir
Si soy el ultimo problema, pero primero seras extinto como Zaire
Mi flujo es fuerto, por eso tienes miedo
Tu rap es una verguenza, como ilegales en San Diego
Eres farsanta como un Michael Owen simulacion
Soy el kryptonia que mata con radiacion
Podemos jugar al futbol, pero siempre tu falta
Soy Barcelona y eres Madrid, lo voy a poner en tu espalda
Tu flujo es viscoso, como agua en invierno
Mio es muchismo fuerte, mas de infierno

TRANSLATION:
Good evening guys of Board 8, here's Ayvuir
I think that he's rapping but I can't hear him
Your body is practice, so I'm gonna divide it
I'm the last problem, but first you'll be extinct like Zaire
My flow is strong, that's why your scared
Your rap is a disgrace, like illegals in San Diego
You as fake as a Michael Owen dive
I'm the kyrptonite that kills you with radiation
We can play soccer, but you're always the loser
I'm Barcelona and you're Madrid, I'll put you on your back
Your flow is thick, like water in the winter
Mine is too hot, hotter than hell

Ayvuir
Resorting to Spanish cuz your English sucked
Well i can speak German, Du bist ge****ed!
I have no fear of being extinct like Zaire
Cuz you'l be with the dodos after your time here
I cheer Owen's dives, they are near perfection
On reflection he should probably win an election
But im sure like Phoenix you'll raise an objection!
TLO, you should have made a better selection.
On May Third It shall have occurred
Madrid will beat Barca, you will have heard
Raul's skill will have your vision blurred
I bet now like Berbatov you want to be transferred!

TheLastOblesik
Ayvuir you're so unhealthy you put the top in Top Ramen
When I'm through crushing you, you'll be screaming "mein lamen"
Take a loser's hike cause you're on the trail I'll be blazin
You may be white as a light but the ****s in you is asian
Your defence is a disgrace, a bar-coded shamble
And why you talkin about my mama? At least I ain't dating Titus Bramble
Feel the pressure on your C4? Yep, that's your neck in the strangle
My flow is the ultima weapon, and you're wearing a bronze bangle
I don't even have to launch my whole Arsenal on ya
I can take you any day, and less then 12 "bars will own ya"
It's a shame you paid a transfer fee to rap, why even hassle?
Now I gotta aks you this: What do you, FC, and brown ale have in common? A downed Newcastle


Battle 11: swordsman12 vs. SensiShadeSlaye[]

~The Score~

swordsman12: 15
SensiShadeSlaye: 5

~The Raps~

swordsman12
So here’s my first opponent in this rap competition
Soon Swiftly Slain by a tactician’s composition
Lyrical ammunition leave ‘em in critical condition
Call the rap mortician, demolition is my mission
I sprung unexpected like the Spanish Inquisition
You’re hung for high treason, ya disgrace the rap tradition

Six shots across the belly I’m gankin’ like R. Kelly
I PvP on a *****, you’re a shattered Torricelli-
Barometer, under too much stress the pressure’s breakin ya
Andromeda, chained by lines but God’s forsaken ya
No Perseus is savin ya, my sword pierces ya vertebra
I murdered ya, Swordsman’s the king reignin’ o’er ya.

SensiShadeSlaye
I’m supposing the quota in this rap institution
Is that words ending in ‘ion’ are the only solution
An’ on top of that the second winning formula
Is using too many instances of ya ya ya

But ya see swords guy I’m a new revolution
Ya could say I’m the face of the lyrical evolution
Ya outdated yas will do ya no good against Sensei
Rapping is my call an’ flow is my propensity

Ya call yaself the king but ya talkin’ to yer deity
They refer to me as Cthlulu so kneel and swear fealty
Otherwise I might be moved to make ya look at my face
And force Cokes to hunt for another Rap Battle replace

swordsman12
So that’s the best you’ve got? I’m severely disappointed
Elementary rhyming and a flow oh so disjointed
I’m sendin’ out a sentry, find me better opposition
Someone more creative than a nursery rhyme rendition
Perhaps your verse was rushed or you aren’t a rappin’ native
Maybe your ego’s crushed or your mind is vegetative
You call yourself Cthlulu, the rapping evolution
A brazen imitation well deserving execution!
Look at your dire face? No one will suffer so hereafter
Send ya to a higher place, then walk away in laughter
One verse was made of “ions” but if anything is positive,
When it comes to slaughter, it’s my rapping that is causative!

SensiShadeSlaye
I must applaud you on yer verbatim and such
For your words are “causativin’” my stomach to clutch
But other then that well yer thesaurus is whack
Yer attempted vocabulary has disrupted yer attack

Do you even understand what half yer words mean?
I’m thinkin’ yer some kid attemptin’ to StealMySheen
This is my story ya see and yer at the last chapter
The climax of the book, the attack against the master

It’s a bloody epic battle it’s gotcha grabbin’ the pages
You gotta know if the survivor is the hero of ages
But you ain’t Link, kid, just some punk with a sword
And Shade is the master of an endless demon horde


Battle 12: Fetusbucketeer vs. Seginustemple[]

~The Score~

Fetusbucketeer: 5
Seginustemple: 5

~The Raps~

Fetusbucketeer
Oh hey, Seginustemple, what a pleasant surprise!
I woke up 'bout twenty minutes ago and when I opened my eyes
I thought of you and how you like to dress up like fries
I know you didn't let us know because we're pretty cool guys
Those little fry guys from the old McDonald's ads?
Yeah you dress up like them, and you don't look half bad
Except you're way too tall and you don't wear a shirt
And your eyes look really weird and you're kind of a jerk
And you're mean to your friends, and you stole from your dad
And you ate all the steak your dying dog could have had
But all that aside I think you're still pretty cool
Even though when you dress like fry guys you look like kind of a fool

Seginustemple
You rap like a good lil christian and my spittin is wiccan
This wicked style's laced versatile, the fetus's taste like chicken
Live stream of my flow, folks say it's water-walkin good
As a miracle should be, see, I'm Tiger Woods
Look, my lyrical links is off the chains
Like when Lincoln reigned and emance-proclaimed
This railroad aint fo trains and I'm sound underground
I'm ultrasonic, but you don't need it to see me squirmin around
You'll hear me coming and still won't know what hit ya
I can blow you away humming - until I get rid ya
Like burying a pest under my jackboot oppressed
Cesarian not required to take out Herman Hesse

Fetusbucketeer
Hermann Hesse? Check out Narcissus and Goldmund
You might learn a few things 'round page two-hundred ninety-one
See that's the part where Goldmund, the good little guy,
goes to the city for the first time in his life and asks why
all the people mill around with these blank looks on their faces -
He thinks they're mindless, they've lost their way - they're just filling up spaces
in their lives where they don't have anything else to do,
and you know, just a little, this reminds me of YOU -
Answer this - when's the last time that you did something good
or you did something right? When's the last time you questioned your life?
I suspect you'll end up dead when you're in your late seventies -
But I doubt anyone'll have anything good to say when they're reading your eulogy.

Seginustemple
Well I sure appreciate the reccomendate on the readin
and you know I don't stop to sniff a rose, I be speedin
racing through life never wondrin the purpose
just adjacent to the now, never freehandin my verses
ignorance is bliss and the masses brains is worthless
complacent with the mundane, chained to boredom curses
So I broke out to see what reality can let me be
and really alls revealed is how quick you are to flee
when faced with squirrels and you buy your girl fake pearls
and your facial hair makes you look like your name is earl
in that picture of you I forget where it's from
and the worst thing about reality is that your raps are really dumb


Battle 13: Cokes vs. DSRage[]

~The Score~

Cokes: 9
DSRage: 0

~The Raps~

Cokes
From the Green Mile to Green Hill to the Em'rald City
Cokes is back, call rap's Hall of Fame Committee
You're so white you reflect light? Boy, that ain't pretty
You're so white you can't write? Ain't that a pity
My flow's always timeless, spit with caustic acidity
You're a mess, a blight, just a rappin' deformity
Can't possibly hope to match my verbosity
I'm only writin' this verse outta necessity,
no effort needed to beat a Ripley's curiosity,
'cause you winnin' this **** is an impossibility
Just ask your girl about my lingual agility --
had her screamin' last night while I licked her kitty

DSRage
12 lines that rhyme; What's up with that?
You were going for clever, yet came out flat,
You constantly eat **** and yet I'm more phat,
Yes, I said ****, I think you're into scat.
Now all of you must know, I'm a pretty gentle guy,
And I brought it to the rap, you wanna know why?
Your raps are fragile, to Aeon you're a farcry,
It's okay, did I hurt you? You're not gonna die!
I've stolen your pride, I'm a raccoon,
I've stormed on your parade, I'm a monsoon,
My rap is almost over and with a light change of tune (I say);
Lost is almost over and your journey will be soon.

Cokes
You say you're a gentle guy, lemme see you Rage
Makin' **** jokes? Mother****er act your age
You're no monsoon, maybe you're an altostratus
When I'm done, ya gonna need a breathin' apparatus

You were right about a Journey, but don't start believin'
that you got a chance, 'cause soon you'll be leavin'
on a jet plane, next to John Denver in your casket
All because your pasty ass made me blow a gasket

Learn now that I'm sicker than the smallpox virus
Been rappin' so long, I got rhymes on papyrus
So fall in line and bow down to my highness
Lest I dub thee royal court *****, Ryley Cyrus

DSRage
I've been told by many that I suck at rap
but now I am about to unload on your lap
and let me tell you, it's such a big load
I haven't beat it in days; I'm about to explode

What am I beating it to, you ask?
I got yo momma to strip- twas an easy task.
Now bend over momma, and take my bullet
Ooh, your backside! I love your mullet!

Yo momma's so fun, how much will she cost?
fifteen cents? She's not worth the loss.
I guess I will steal her again one day
and we will have fun, mmmmmmk?


Battle 14: MaxedOutRyu vs. Rollthebones[]

~The Score~

MaxedOutRyu: 0
Rollthebones: 6

~The Raps~

MaxedOutRyu
i might as well battle you, nothing better to dobr
but hold on a second, who are you?
yeah i seen you post a few times here and there
but i pulled your gamercard and your not known anywhere
over here, i'm known as MOR
just got off the phone and your girl wanted MOR...E
of me, she woke up with her vision blurry
couldn't help it though, she wanted me to hurry
she wanted to see my kids
just look what i did
or look at what i can do
just pass your turn so i can start verse two

Rollthebones
Maybe I should pass, so you can try another time,
See I’m in my prime, with rhymes sublime.
You say my girl wanted some more, do you?
When you’re this underwhelming, I’m sure that’s true.
And her vision was blurry, just like your rhymes,
I don’t even know what you’re sayin’ sometimes
This is my domain; I’m the number one MC
*****, they call me Mario, you can be Luigi.
I’ve got 4 lines left, that’s way more than I need,
Its agreed that my skills exceed, just concede,
Ryu, it’s done, don’t make me say it again
Don’t think you’ll win - I’m not “sure you can”.

MaxedOutRyu
yeah it's verse 2
time to finish what i done to you
your not sure that i can win
well it was done before you went in
your not sure what i said in my rhyme
well let me break it down one time
when i said her vision was blurry
my stuff came out in a hurry
she didnt know how to react
so she hurried and called aflac
this is small taste of whats to come
**** everyone, i does this for fun

Rollthebones
You do this for fun, good, you made me laugh
With that weak crap used to start the second half.
Your boring lines could render some numb,
With all this talk about you and your ***.
Nobody wants to hear that talk of your ****,
Your premature genitalia lost its allure quick.
You must be "nuts" thinkin’ you can "beat" me,
With rhymes as unneeded as scentless potpourri.
So try to keep up, I’ll say it once again,
Keep your **** off the page, your rhymes in your brain
It’s evident you need a “how to rap” tutorial,
That’s it, it’s over, I’ll set up the meMORial


Battle 15: Shaggy vs. Furious J[]

~The Score~

Shaggy: Forfeit
Furious J: Wins by disqualification

~The Raps~

Shaggy
this whole thing seems ******ed
and I almost didn't do this
but once I get started
boy you know I can't miss

sizing up the competition, Who?
you call youself Judicious F?
I'm gonna rip hard into you
and when I'm done there'll be noth'n left

you better bring your best guns
yeah your ryhmes better not be shabby
cause guess what son,
your mess's with the monster known as Shaggy

Furious J
Man what took you so long, were you changin' your tampon?
You drop your rap wrong, and act like you just got your groove on?
Well sound the gong, here comes J with the reckless abandon.
Tearin' through the throng, with spite, malice, and wanton.

A clean cut veteran, who nobody's better than
My prime rhyme's sublime, yours belongs in a litter bin
Don't spit your **** if you can't fill it with wit
Sit out this bit, you're too pitiful, you ain't got the grit

Why even enter this contest if you ain't got the skill set
If you're here just to jest, knowin you ain't got my will met
Too meek to seek the peak, just a freak and a geek
Your words are so weak, I'd do worse vs. a bye week


Battle 16: Princess Anri vs. AlecTrevelyan006[]

~The Score~

Princess Anri: 1
AlecTrevelyan006: 11

~The Raps~

Princess Anri
I'm sure you'd love to hear me spit twelve lines about my *****.
Instead, I'll let you suck it and then spit some gangsta tennis.
I'll take your ass out like I'm Rafa Nadal without the yellow ball.
You can't even hit stuff offa the wall, much less Fed at 4 all.
You don't have what it takes to progress here, like Henman in a major.
If I had to make a guess here, I'd say you're a million to one wager.
Everyone fears my fatal, backhand hit but not down the line.
It's like fighting a prenatal, unplanned kid that isn't even mine.
A choice your mom supported, I reached in there without a glove.
I close my hand--you're aborted. An ace kicked out at 40-love.
Unlike my dick, you never even made it to your mom's snatch.
Message Preview then *click* That's game, set, and match.

AlecTrevelyan006
I'm facing Madam Anri, the so-called tennis master
But when it comes to rapping, every line is a disaster
Your rhymes are off, your insults lame, you faulted on the serve
Now it's time that Alec deals out the ace-ing you deserve

You stumble through your lines without any rhyme or resaon
While mine can cause more boners than a topless Leah Dizon
You just can't take the pressure, like A-Roid in postseason
If raps were for your country, yours would qualify as treason

My raps induce elations, yours are an abomination
You are a living lesson in failed communication
Attempts to find your flow are more painful than castration
In this battle you're like France; your best bet's capitulation

Princess Anri
If that wasn't a joke post, I won't need the extra time like you did.
Just ask our Coke Host, I'd succeed both in my prime or wounded.
Last time around, I finished in second place. I lost by one ****ing vote.
Time for me to come again. Choose: on your face or down your throat.
Looks like you already struck out. And I ain't even thrown the first pitch.
About time for you to get the **** out. Or get your hymen burst, *****.
Please, don't worry. I'll be gentle. It'll be over in a hurry, like a rental.
You like 'em furry cause you're mental. Both underage and oriental.
I like my girls to be mature. When they've already grown their pubes.
You like your girls insecure. Cause you can only own the n00bs.
I think it's about time I bend you. Ass over my knee for a spank.
After I outrhyme and end you. Lass, I'll make you walk the plank.

AlecTrevelyan006
I think I've had enough of this vicious verbal volley
Now I'll show that facing me's the purest form of folly
This little game was nice but rappin' aint your thing
This match will be a rape, cause I'm Japan to your Nanking
Keep away from fire, I'm more bomb that Ted Kaczynski
While all you do is blow more dicks than Monica Lewinsky
I'm doper than Roger Clemens, I'm fly-er than Jeff Goldblum
While your life should have ended before you left the womb
My rhymes are so smokin' they can give you emphyzema
While yours are less effective than relief efforts from FEMA
My lines are always killer, I'm rap's velociraptor
Here ends your life of rapping, I just wrote the final chapter

See Also[]

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