The First Week of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 3 Tournament.
~Week 1~[]
Battle 1: fetusbucketeer vs. Chrono1219[]
~The Score~
fetusbucketeer: 3
Chrono1219: 13
~The Raps~
Chrono1219
I was supposed to be second up, but I guess I have to lead the way.
Cause Fetus already had enough, not bold enough to make his say.
You shouldn't doubt he has the right idea staying in hiding.
It's normal to be in utter fear of the words I'm exercising.
Take this needle and take this pill they'll make my sounds go down smooth.
My injection of vocal thrill, your warped brain will feel abused.
You sit down and you lay back, let my euphoria set in.
I'll make up for all you lack, you'll forget about silent sin.
If you were waiting to hear my rhyme I'm sure I shattered all your hope.
You would be smart to remain a mime with my words more legit than dope.
There's too much in your system everything is going dark.
Things were always looking grim, you were done before the start.
fetusbucketeer
Chrono one two one nine more like Chrono SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS
Now that I've burned you so hard you've decided to buy an aloe field
Let me tell you about the time I got a sword to wield
It was a day in '96, when I was a wee lad,
and I was watching Fresh Prince - there were some laughs to be had -
when I noticed Uncle Phil was suddenly looking at me
I was confused because up to that point he'd only lived in TV
He said "fetus, you have a gift and I want you to use it.
One day you'll rap against Chrono and you'll have to abuse it.
I mean seriously fucking kill him because he's kind of a chump
and he smells his own farts and his dad's Forrest Gump.
Oh wait I was going to tell you about the time I got to wield a sword.
Chrono1219
A sword might be to advanced for someone from the stone age.
Boy don't drop your fighting stance be it evening, night, or day.
Be on your toes, be your on guard, Chrono's going hard.
Time for the show, get to the yard, Fetus' not getting far.
Take it easy, take it slow. Hear that bell ring, ding ding ding.
Give it time, give it up. Feel your fat lip, hit hit hit.
Touch the ground, count up to ten, if you don't wake your remains I'll send.
Feel the pavement, you've been condemned. You'll get hell even if you make amends.
Fetus is reeling, Chrono is dealing the knockout blow.
Lost all your feeling in a hole about six feet below.
The last thing in your mind, before you went down.
Not all you left behind, but that you lasted less than one round.
fetusbucketeer
Last night I had a dream where I was hovercrafting hard,
skidding over mountains and fjords; I had a monkey named Picard.
I found myself inside a castle, the walls were all aglow
"Suits of armor!" Picard exclaimed, but it was time to go.
Deeper and deeper, we made our way into the gloomy depths
before a room appeared before our eyes - my party nearly wept.
Inside a book upon a pedestal our gaze could spy;
upon the cover we read the words "Chrono has to die".
Picard was ragged, "No, not that! He's earned the right to live!"
But I stayed the course, realizing that it was either me or him.
I woke up hours later with the book still in my grasp,
as Chrono's mother walked in naked, with bacon and a great ass.
Battle 2: Alec vs. Mer[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Alec
Thus begins the Alectacular, defining what’s spectacular
Cuz I’m a rappin Martin Luther, dropping Truth in the vernacular.
While your posts destroy our eyes, like degeneration comma macular
My rhymes make viewers wet, got choice of bitches like The Bachelor .
You're just an also-ran, a backup plan, muttering "I think I can",
Against a man who's dropping triples like a rappin' Denard Span.
These lines are so explosive that they're contraband, embargoed from Iran,
Spoke from a soul you know no darker than, so black it's hunted by the Klan
I'm a player like Jeter, don't forget, cuz I'm baller than Mr. Met.
I see your sun's already setting, guess I'll rap in silhouette.
Facing me's like using Uzis, in a game of Russ. roulette.
Boy you look like '40s Europe, burned so hard you'll "never forget"
Mer
Alright,
let me cook up somethin' you won't be able to ingest,
I'm a Don on the Mike like Ninja Turtle incest,
Tell me, who the fuck is Alec? Oh, double-0-6?
I'm James Bond on his ass, he's in trouble, OH SHIT!
I ain't a sex toy, I am not to be fucked with,
like T-Rex, boy, you'll get extinct with your luck, bitch,
Fuck a problem, I'm a god damn catastrophe,
admirably, charged for murder, assault, and battery,
I'll fuck your daddy, I don't care about your mother,
make his ass dewy like Malcom's little brother,
other bitches rappin', y'all best run for cover,
Just ate Alec for dinner, please, can I have another? :)
Alec
Take a look at this here seedy g, holding out as double-oh-wannabe
Already blew his one big shot, lastin’ shorter than George Lazenby
Cuz Mer is lost amongst the sharks, like a cageless Jacques Cousteau
He banks it all on one big line, worked out great for Maginot
Wrapped around that lucky spit, he’s got eleven of vanilla filla
He needs more than that to beat me, the Atilla of lyrical thrillas,
This Killa Emcee’s a rapping marquis’, a noble issuing my rapping decrees
Burnin’ b’s to the fourth degree, spittin’ so sick I’m sampled by CDC
As you gloat about your quote, I’m grabbing all devotes, I’m the goat
While the crowd just wants to mute ya, wishin’ Gamefaqs had remotes
You’d be crying for your parents, ‘cept a shit’s stuck down your throat
Best write them your farewell letter, I hear they’re really good with notes
Mer
How original you are, hittin' me with lines
'bout sucking dicks, now we all know what's on your mind,
can't stop the mastermind, 9 lives like felines,
I'm the real deal, stop Pretending Chrissie Hynde,
I'm Ruthless and Divine like my last name's Midler,
throw your ass in fire like my last name's Hitler,
flow so sicker, need a Theraflu Maxipad,
and I don't hang around asshole like a fannypack, <---------- (plural form of dirty word for vagina, to clear up confusion)
I'm a steady one, cased closed, already won,
call yourself Atilla, but I'm sorry, you ain't ready, Hun :(
and that last line was cheaper than Mexican whores,
yeah I'm out to my parents, when you coming out to yours?
Battle 3: Aeon Azuran vs. Menji[]
~The Score~
Aeon Azuran: 22
Menji: 1
~The Raps~
Aeon Azuran
The ladies say that Double A is buff and callipygian
They take one look at me, I guarantee they'll get relig-ee-on
But when I heard RAP BATTLE had returned I took a break
From my wooing of the babes to correct a grave mistake
Made by a man named Menji, hapless member of Board 8
Who believed my rap supremecy was up for some debate;
Let me assure you now, you tiny man, you grain of salt,
That your mouth is writing checks but your ass is in default.
You've come unarmed to a fight of linguistics
Where every single one of my attacks is ballistic;
I launch lyrical missiles, each word is a scud
And as they hit they'll decorate my posts with Menji's blood.
Menji
I’m Sgt. Hartman to you maggot, get up, get dressed and stand at attention
You’re in my detention, prisoner, and I’m throwing out the Geneva Convention
Stomp you dead like a cigarette butt, started your funeral fund – accepting any donation
Did I forget to mention, her, your girl waiting for your salvation, imagine the frustration
You are stuck here for the summer, bummer, bet you wish for a glimmer of snow
Try to escape and I’ll let the squad know, haze you better than the entire Greek Row
Now you want to bribe your way out of this cell, with the promise of a vixen, tempting
No need, higher-ups negotiated and got you off the hook like Nixon, exempting
My raps left you shell shocked, decreasing your rapping efficiency (like you had it)
A few years of therapy might sufficiently improve your proficiency (but I doubt it)
Aeon Azuran – a board eight veteran, returning to the board with oodles of praise
Here is my G.I. Bill to you – sadly you get the same benefits as the other Double As
Aeon Azuran
Exalt in my assault, as I point out your major faults:
You say you're Sergeant Hartman but you act like Sergeant Schultz.
This POW's here to trouble you, like prison food I'll make you queasy.
From the slammer to the morgue? Like NORG, I won't go down so easy!
For I'm a master of crime and houdini of rhyme, and lest you doubt my pedigrees
Escaponomy and Escapology are my two relevant degrees
And I'm no stranger to proctology, you see for the past few weeks
I've been walking your streets with lighters smuggled between my cheeks
Your cage is made out of wood, so now I burn it with the Zippos
And destroy it faster than would a team of hungry, hungry hippos.
Time to flee the scene like Steve McQueen, I'll jack a bike to border
And leave your jail a smoking font of ruin and disorder.
Menji
I may act like Sgt Schultz but for you I must condescend
Transcending four years I taught, but you did not comprehend
Your degrees ain’t nothing but pretend, you cannot contend
A life outside my jail, go try it, but you will not make one friend
Try to escape but my rhymes are ubiquitous, your worst fear
Just like a lockeroom of ladies, let us pick any volunteer
They marvel and scale your butt like a pioneer in the hills
My ladies reach the top of Olympus, wanting my god like skills
Giving you your first lost of the battle, breakin’ your hymen
Leaving you vulnerable like Garfunkel without Simon
Pants you and throw you in the Creek like Dawson Leery
Defenestrated your childhood – now go commit hara-kiri
Battle 4: sonicblastpunch vs. foolmo[]
~The Score~
sonicblastpunch: 26
foolmo: 2
~The Raps~
sonicblastpunch
to show some noblesse oblige i won't prolong your suffering
i'll toss you like wolf hawkfield, earn the ring out with my giant swing
it keeps your wounds and bruises low, still painful but not too severe --
perhaps overly generous, but that's why i'm the legend here
our talent hierarchy's such that you can't even bother it
you're just small business up against my dominant conglomerate
my offense is tempestuous, tumultuous and splendid
so if you planned to put up a fight, i wouldn't recommend it
'cause you swing that fist and you'll be moved from pacifist to masochis'
it's just like omar little warned -- come at the king, you best not miss
it doesn't matter what you'll try or how you'll try to vary it
you'll still be bested and beheaded by the western lariat
foolmo
This ain't a game boy, don't treat me like a toy
Your destruction will be swift, surely all will enjoy
Gimme a call, when you wanna ball, but make sure to grow some first
Don't keep me waiting, for your furry blue blood I thirst
They call me the flamethrower, rhymesower, mindblower, prepare to go ten notches lower
Yeah, they call you Sonic, huh? But you couldn't be slower
Blastpunch makes no sense, as your lyrics do neither
I'm speaking the truth here, not even kidding, either
In fact I'm quite embarrassed to be rapping by your side
Just take this vest and watch as I commit lyrical homicide
sonicblastpunch
well, if lack of talent's a disease, it's safe to say you've caught it
you had five lines' worth of ideas across ten of the twelve alloted
that's some of the saddest spitting that i'd say i've ever seen
you dropped the ball so hard we've all started calling you robert green
you're in the pitch but out of tune, you're in the game but out of time
if quality were noise your act would be a total pantomime
if skill were height in inches your act would be six feet underground
like cleveland post-lebron you're just the most depressing scene around
you'll rue the day you crossed me and you'll rue the day the votes are heard
across a field of thirty-two the fans will rank you thirty-third
two rounds is just too many if you'd hoped to salvage any pride --
foolmo once, shame on you, foolmo twice your shame's just amplified
foolmo
If you think you've got me beat, why don't you have a seat?
You'll suffer complete defeat under my heat, ain't that a treat?
You're a collosus, I'm Wander, the Wily to my blue bomber
Nothing to be afraid of, you're insignificant, my lives are infinite
You think you're the elephant in my way? Please see me after class
Like p1zza's entire existence, you don't got substance, you're crass,
Palmer's bank is less empty, while the check I've got's a blank
You may be Fedor, but I'm Werdum, when you lose you'll know who to thank
Your hate is generic, pathetic, routine, moreso than FF Thirteen
You're the mud on my jeans, the voters are my Oxi Clean
I'd compare you to the air, swarming me, always there, but I don't care, I fart in your face
I can't believe my first opponent was so bland, dumber than Ayn Rand, see y'all in first place
Battle 5: Forceful Dragon vs. Yoshifan[]
~The Score~
Forceful Dragon: 9
Yoshifan: 1
~The Raps~
Forceful Dragon
EffDee is back, crowned prince of rap; just can't wait to be king
So sweetie just be true to your heart an' I'll let you be my queen
But I've seen your type, I know the kind, you just can't go the distance
My lexical wings aint got no strings; they'll fan you from existence
Cause its second star to the right and straight on to a beating
like arabian nights your pitiful plight will be anything but fleeting
So be our guest, seek rest in death, sacrifice your goals
Show yourself for what you are, just a poor unfortunate soul
A star is reborn with skill to spare and thematic prose that just transcends
You're no match for me, and its a shame; we could have been the best of friends
A whole new world awaits you and son you can't compare
I wont hold back my next attack; you'd better be prepared.
Yoshifan
So I guess I got here, well it's better late than never,
And the theme that you've got going is more than a little clever,
But I won't need Disney songs to make the people smile,
And after I am finished, you'll be smartin' for a while,
But I feel like you are not the only one that I am owning,
I know Curt wanted his chance but he can keep bitchin' an' moaning
Sorry Curtsy, looks like I showed up just in the nick of time,
And it's for the best because I'm the one and only King of Rhyme,
You are just the prince so that means you must be below me,
If you really think you have a shot at winning you can blow me,
I know it won't be the last time that I'll be inside your head,
And it'll be nice to have something in your mouth not made with lead.
Forceful Dragon
Cokes better find some new newbs as I leave this one catatonic
Got shots more controversial than experimental embryonics
You strike me as a child at play, but son you best get serious
The only "prey" in these parts would still render you delirious
Got a lesser Bond called Alec, his riposte is quite dangerous
And Dub-A's got a striking flow; wounds too severe to convalesce
That Cokes, well he's a household name and it isn't without reason
If he asked you to, you'd kill yourself; complete personal treason
DC's certified to blind you with a verse of utter radiance
SBP's got more five-dolla-words than Alan G. could finance
And any game you think you got I'll return tenfold times a thousand
Hell, even Mer could size you up and give your *** a pounding
Yoshifan
So you've got a gang of friends, are you the Sharks or you the Jets?
It doesn't matter in the end, it's full of losers like the Mets,
I am the New York fuckin' Yankees circa 1927,
And just like Murderer's Row, I'll be sendin' y'all to heaven
Now after this here beating, pull a Jagger, Let It Bleed,
It might hurt, sting like a dagger, but that is time you'll need
It might be a few days, It might be a couple of years,
But you'll realize why I'm the Joan Jett to your Britney Spears
As for the names that you have listed, none of them mean anything,
because when all this is over, 'twil be I wearing the ring,
Dub-A, DC, SBP, a bunch of letters don't scare me,
I'll beat them all in time, just like Muhammad Ali
Battle 6: Dilated Chemist vs. Biolizard[]
~The Score~
Dilated Chemist: 10
Biolizard: 0
~The Raps~
Dilated Chemist
Tonight's the night that I slice and dice this lizard with a mic device.
I write precise, I'm dynamite - won't let you live if the price is right.
I'll cut your tail off, watch you wince and rain tears from intensive pain.
Want advice, lame? Catch a train and stay off my tracks for successive fame.
Don't provoke me, slithery - I've peeped your flow a few times.
Bio's got as much delivery as young girls with tubes tied.
You already lose, bye - only thing unpredictable is how much you'll lose by.
Not trying to be rude, my - words will maul and abuse your crude rhymes.
Simply one of my statements would leave you stuck in amazement.
Yeah, I'm sick with rhymes - but don't assume my stuff is contagious.
I've proved my worth in rap battles and defeated some of the greatest.
My style's like an underprivileged child - I'm nothin' to play with!
Biolizard
You have a healthy image, but that fantasy is crumbling
Those lyrics aren't of legends, they're just a child's mumbling
You aren't destined for fame, the fast cars, a deluxe suite
Take a hint from your mama, turning tricks on 5th street
I am BP to your Gulf, it doesn't matter where and when
I spew my goo all over you, and I won't ever call again
The legend, the hype, it doesn't match reality
As I crucify you, they'll be shouting "FATALITY"
The lyrics flow like the Ganges, strong like the Andes
Ain't a word in your little mind good enough to handle these
You ain't got the talent, so what're you rapping for?
Next time, bring your A-game, this shit is a bore
Dilated Chemist
I guess you know nothin' about punchlines, similes or multi's.
Cause after squeamishly reading - noticed your lyrics don't hold these.
Scored a peon to battle? TOASTY! - I'll go ask Leon for Squall's piece.
Shoot your eye out, B O - your as hot as Sub-Zero's cold freeze.
I'm back in the mix it seems with a habit to rip emcees.
I'll damage your writs with ease - check my stats for validity.
You're very unpleasing, B - with your damaged deliveries.
I have the ingredients, see - and I've mastered the recipe.
You ain't an average enemy, but you have to be kidding me.
Your flow is so painful - like your trapped with a dick disease.
I got more punches and kicks than a centipede - smackin' times infinity.
So, you can play out your hands - but you ain't jackin' this win from me.
Biolizard
Cold freeze? Redundant. Your rhymes? Repugnant.
I'd insult your flow, but it's non-existent.
You're the centipede, alright, crushed under my feet.
The Chris Brown to your Rihanna, can you feel my beat?
Your tone's artificial, superficial, robotic.
If you think otherwise, then you must be psychotic.
Welcome back to the real world, where my rap is king
And they all stand in awe at the jams that I bring.
I spit on you, peasant, from my godly tower.
Call me Nintendo cause you're playing with power.
The phony's destroyed, and now all is well
As I rise to heaven, and you fall to hell.
Battle 7: Ed Bellis vs. Minipooot[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Ed Bellis
Mr. Miniature Poooot and co. would formally like to request
A merciful fight, one that proceeds without an amount of duress
But the King, he is vengeful when dealing with pests, slicker than Smith in the wild wild west
Rap's murderer, never afraid to protest, choppin' contenders like North by Northwest
Poooor little Poooot, what a hoot, you're a goner, I'm packing more heat than a Mexican sauna
Got ravenous rhymes as my leet guards of honor; if rhymes were like hair, you'd be Sinead O'Connor
Cause nothing compares 2 me, I declare it free, it's unfair you see
How can an unprepared newbie have a prayer 'gainst me, so just stare at me
You're a rarity, so dumb and unaware of me, I'll engrave you for posterity, then skip away so merrily
When visitors come well into the night, they'll say 'Look, it's Poooot, still frozen in carbonite!'
Damn right – that's how it ends, so finite, a red light; tried to pass off as gold but all you're packing is pyrite
So run away, kid, get out of my sight; King Ed's gonna shove you into that dark night.
Minipooot
Heh, 'Ms'. Ed Bellis is right in that I do have a request to make
But my only duty now is to correct your grave rapping mistake
You call yourself a king? Ha, you ain't nothing but a queen
Even Brahne would destroy you in a battle so routine
I've had the misfortune of seeing a pic of you almost nude
Your muscles are smaller than a three-year girl, even she would conclude
I hope your dick ain't as small as your tiny baby pecs
Else you gonna be beggin' me to flex and crying for sex
Ha, I'm the Han Solo to your Jabba the Hutt, you fucking mutt
Imma ram the Millennium Falcon up your already ravaged butt
I'm gonna beat the bloody shit outta you with my bare hands, don't even try to comprehend
Even if you attempt to defend, after facing me you'll be weeping like a bitch and beggin' for the end
Ed Bellis
I watch your mis'rable rhythms with abhorrence and disgust
You may posit I'm a queen but you're about to bite the dust
I'll subtract you and divide you while remaining so nonplussed
Do your best to stop me with your pit'ful, awful shtick
Take a potshot at my body – hell, your face is like my dick
They should be covered by Tim Allen so observers don't get sick
You've put your foot inside your mouth, you'd better put a sock in
This Hutt's about to board and scuttle your Millennium Falcon
Your sheer disaster of a rap is so bad that it's shockin
So it's time to Elec Beam your ass and glitch you straight to heck
You've outstayed your welcome worse than Scrappy Doo and Shrek
Put together – so take your ship and swap my 'poop' deck.
Minipooot
I spit rhymes so slick and deadly while all you do is swallow
Both literally and figuratively I'll gut you till you're hollow
I got more lyrical skills than the JP got blubber
When I pin you down and fuck you I ain't even usin' a rubber
I'm like the Mario to your....well I was gonna say Bowser
But that ain't true, cause the ladies laugh when you pull down your trousers
Heh, you're more like the Plankton to my Mr. Krabs
You got less hair on your balls than WMDs on Arabs
My words so sick I'll beat you in the face till you look like Lady Gaga, hick
My dick so thick you'll be beggin' me for a ride on my disco stick
I'm like Will Smith in Independence Day, you disease
When you see my dick you'll be on your knees, crying "I have got to get me one of these"
Battle 8: Giggsalot vs MysteriousStan[]
~The Score~
Giggsalot: 13
MysteriousStan: 2
~The Raps~
Giggsalot
Fuck Cokes now you've gone and done it; game is up cos Giggs gon' run it
Maverick stylin' on the mic, lyrically Top Gun it
Lucious Left Foot division? Giggs will smoke the competition
Like I burnin' tyres, settin' cats on fire with my diction
And my syntax, so black; always spittin' straight up facts
Like how Stan's momma do the Coltrane when she blow me like a sax
But after the head, it's time for Giggs to play a solo
Rippin' rappers to shreds, that's why I'm hated like Yoko Ono
The only mystery here, Stan, as far as I can see
Is why you thought that you could even fuckin' step to me
'Cos you might be my biggest fan but I just don't reciprocate
So just go emulate your namesake and drive your car into a lake
MysteriousStan
Well well, looks like Giggs be playin’ the name game
So I hope you don’t blame me when I aim to do the same
Grandfather Giggs may as well be your monicker cause you’re way past your prime.
I is for the ‘it’ times two that you used, dude, don’t you know that don’t rhyme?
G to the second power is what you’ll be sayin’ when this is through
S is for the solo you played last night while you watched others screw.
A B Cing it like your diction’s on fire?
Lord, you think that’s what I admire and aspire too? Get outta here, it’s time to retire.
Oh and all those things you said? So untrue.
Time’s almost up, too bad, so without further ado,
There he is, Giggsalot, everybody!
Now fuck you kindly, there’s my countermelody.
Giggsalot
For someone bustin' out mnemonics it'd sure help if you were literate
Cos the way that you spelled moniker made your whole verse illegitimate
Your line length was inconsistent when you needed to bust a gut
And your flow was non-existent like a valve was rusted shut
See, my rhymes from a whole Otherworld like this shit is blitzball
And my style is custom-fitted, your lyrics? One size fits all.
Yo Stan, I crush your ass with ease like this Tiananmen Square
With my outclassin' expertise, this verse is a rap electric chair
Watch how I touch the sun like Icarus while you get cauterized
And my rap, blacker than liquorice when I plot your demise
You see you're only still alive because my voice box is set to "stun"
But your verse in four words, Stan? Shit Talkin'. Answers? None.
MysteriousStan
Aight, Gigs, take a seat cause class is in session, you’ll be leavin’ in a depression
Cause I get the impression that your expression is in need of some discretion.
Monicker o Moniker it’s all the same, read the book, both are right,
But what a slight to imply I can’t write, one might say that ain’t polite.
Now lesson number two, ya dreamin’ too big just like Icarus did try
Flyin’ too high in the sky when things went awry, now in the sea he doth lie.
Beat me down, say that I suck, but I’ll always be here without anxieties,
Like Marv in the chair sayin’ “Is that the best ya can do, ya pansies?”
And who cares if ya verse don’t look pretty as long as it ain’t shity
Ya thought you were clever with your little ditty now ain’t it a pity.
I hope you were paying attention cause your grade is dependent
On if ya can tell, I’m the Final Boss like the Gas Station Attendant.
Battle 9: Realo vs. Boko[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Realo
Howdy ya'll, the beast is back to scratch and claw his way back
This is pay back... for gettin no respect like Jabberjaw
Boko hasn't learned to crawl
He's Anti-Joyce, a real No-No
Homo money shots in slo-mo... he's like Hideki Nomo with the balls
The writing's on the wall, you can not stand therefore you fall
Half Mershi, Half Goku, all Boko does is Drag-On-Balls
I swipe ya life like Mastercard, cuz ya never priceless
It's the crisis of the Devil but even Heaven likes it
When I blow you into Spacey like a Se7en crisis
And leave your body asymmetrical in eleven slices
Boko
it's just a guideline, but you decline, shoulda used a FAQ
because it's headline would let ya know i'm usain on the track
i don't hold back - stats like a healthy ian kinsler
servin' aces on the court like a tired john isner.
this rap is mine by design, my lyrics revered divine
my flow is grand and lethal, with words backed by my dyne.
solution nine - hell, my weakest would be enough
free and energized now while they're takin' you out in cuffs.
you're getting lynched here, your claim just doesn't matter.
cos i spit dual daggers, your word's just idle chatter.
lesson learned real - next time consider tryin'?
don't even need to vote as scum you can't tell when i'm lyin'.
Realo
Hey folks, are you sicka my gay jokes---Don't hate yet
Cause' Boko's Isner in Real Life, get it, no straight sets
Don't glare at the weed smoke, it's not polite to stare
'Cause I swear you'll get ya knees broke, You'll have to deep throat me from a chair
I collect trophies like Knick-Knacks, blame Cokes for this mismatch
That's not carpal tunnel Boko, you just lyrically gettin ya wrists snapped
So please, when you hear the click clack, get out cuz I'm about to
Treat you like a constipated United Fan and kick the shit out you
Call you Tenactin cuz all you really do is Tough Actin
I'm gettin mad in(Madden) here, cuz all Boko does is play action
He learned football from the Blindside, and 8 Mile was his guideline
So I'm Marshall Manning at the top, he's 50 Cent on the sideline
Boko
we get the point realo, STFU and join the A-Team
better yet cosplay as tidus, a win for you here's just a dream
cos i'm the prize - you just ain't ever gonna win this
you're like fodder on this board and i'm an upswing angry sir chris.
it would be unwise to buy his lies - just ask neon, son.
cos he'd advise you watch me run, the next chris johnson
i'm on the rise - av'rage a triple double every time
you were havin' trouble making layups in your prime
now your demise that i devise, it'll show you bout my true self
up in the skies, you're a midget strugglin' to reach the top shelf
so my allies - try to heed my cries and follow me
a link runnin' this contest, you're a washed up midgar zol - o - my
Battle 10: BBallman7 vs. Warning_Crazy[]
~The Score~
BBallman7: 16
Warning_Crazy: 1
~The Raps~
BBallman7
They call me Mr. Fantastic, all the fuck I do is drastic,
I'll make you disappear without a care, no magic,
You're about to get your ass kicked,
I'll leave you on the streets with no money and no plastic it's so tragic,
I'm a cold bastard,
You're looking worse than the socks stuck to your mattress,
Only way you're getting laid is if you settle for some fat chicks,
I'm known for getting hat tricks, after all the fact is,
I knew I couldn't lose but I could use the practice,
I'll get more votes from this diss than you'll get in half your matches,
I looked at the schematics, I hope you got your rap fix,
Cuz I just shaped you like a pretzel, you should try gymnastics.
Warning_Crazy
This battle is being hailed as an epic mismatch
They sayin’ its already over, but there’s just one catch
It’s the hero against the zero, the legend against the noob
And when we’re all done here, you’ll be wishin I used lube
You think you’re so fantastic, but you’re just bombastic
If anything your closer to bein’ real spastic
And now im gonna spit some rhymes, in your face
It’s time for the underdog, to put yo in your place
I’m an American hero, im fucking rocky balboa
When I rip your rep to shreds, you’ll be movin to Samoa
And as you’re falsely sayin, that I can only get fat chicks
The fine ladies that im baggin’, are thin and don’t have dicks
BBallman7
Now your world collapses, this is for Cokes, elastics,
You never had a chance, I've been known to close caskets.
There's a skill to this rapping madness but I don't think you can grasp this,
You're looking more pathetic than ertyu submitting match pics.
For that verse there's no excusin' you got a chance it's an illusion,
You got room for improvin' but for now prepare for bruisin'
Your flow is pretty clunky and it's simple words you're choosin',
Rocky was impressive but he still ended up losing.
I won't leave you with some hope, this is over and done folks,
-BBall flexes his muscles-, that's all for the gun show,
I already won bro, this slaughter was fun so
Here's a Warning, you're Crazy if you expect even one vote.
Warning_Crazy
Sorry for this bein’ late, but I was out bangin’ ladies
And in between girls, I was cruising in my Mercedes
I don’t need cokes, to help me write my verses
And when you start reading, you’ll be rattling off curses
The voters are gonna ditch you, for someone more grand
Quicker than Queen James deserted Cleveland
And you’re more overrated, than the Queen himself
Pretty soon your raps, will be left up on a shelf
Every single fucking thing, about you is a lie.
If you really think you’ll win, you must be high
And it seems that you forgot something about Rocky II
Rocky won that time, and so will I in my debut.
Battle 11: Justin Crossing vs jdizzy[]
~The Score~
Justin Crossing: 12
jdizzy: 5
~The Raps~
Justin Crossing
You think because I'm late I'm some lameass Bumblebee
Claiming cause I crashed I take lines from radio and TV
But I'll take you down and show you I'm truly Optimus Prime
When the lines I'm spitting out are nothing but sublime
You spent your childhood watching shit like Thundercats
What that means is what you know ain't enough to save your ass
You could know my weakness, my bane, my only kryptonite
But for you to exploit it, you'd have to face me in a fight
I don't cry when I lose, I don't whine when I'm in the bin
Those tears are never shed because I don't do anythin but win
You might want to give your family several hours notice
Cause your corpse'll be displayed with the beauty of a lotus
jdizzy
Im on some Nugget shit smooth carmelo flow
Cookin up the lines that hit you straight in ya soul
you cannot fathom the complexity that is my head
Im like the temple of doom, look in my eyes and you dead.
too late to look away, yo ass is stuck, you betta pray
to God up above that i let you see another day
My Rhythms paralyze like a kick to the invertabre
and when its all said and done i know that there'll be hell to pay!
So lord forgive me for the sins i commit
but my vision goes red when i see wack shit
Yo verse was basic, just face it, Mine was full of wit
and I dont need kryptonite cause you a supa Bullshit!
Justin Crossing
So you're the Rubi Stalone of the rap battle world
Seeing red stuck in rage mode while chaos is unfurled
The only problem now is that your weapons can't do shit
Versus Optimus Prime, there's no chance they're not misfit
When I show up on stage, I shine like Halley's Comet
My lines just flow so smoothly they're spat out like a sonnet
But after you brought out your "magic", the crowd began to cheer
But they only jumped with joy after you passed "Exit Stage Here"
The lyrics you toss out are so generic that it's tragic
Even Shakespeare couldn't make a play from them with his magic
Hearing "yo" spat out so much is like golden music to my ears
It easily confirms a victory, aka eases my fears
jdizzy
If you a sonnet im a orchestra, get on my level
in this battle im like johnny and, you just the devil
to even be in my league your skills you must treble
If you halleys im mcnaught, compared to me you a pebble
My flow is a weapon, i cant be stopped
my tongue drips acid when i spit, it only takes one drop
my verbs are atomic, adjectives like cold fusion
my punchlines hit hard enough to knock you out of you delusions
You keep Spittin shit saying you optiimus, prime
but your stuff is simply like an amoeba , slime
The way you spit should be a felony, crime
this chum is done can someone ring the bell? Chime
Battle 12: Princess Anri vs. Wigs[]
~The Score~
Princess Anri: 0
Wigs: 13
~The Raps~
Princess Anri
Now it's time for Anri facing Wigs so... may I propose a toast?
Let's hear it for Kanye vs Sisqo. The king of rap against a ghost.
With a body immaterial, your rhymes can't even be heard.
Both shoddy and ethereal, it's your silence that's preferred.
A contractual formality, this match won't require my vitality.
The one, factual reality is your long since expired mortality.
So just give up Chasing Anri cause your clock's stopped ticking.
And take it from from Banky: you just need a good, deep dicking.
This ain't a "just for fun" entry. Don't lose your wit like Palmer.
Cause I'm the number 1 MC and my fuse is lit like Unabomber.
One ghost on this board is enough, we don't need another.
Each post of yours ignored? Tough, just go hug your mother.
Wigs
Time for me to play, gonna mold you like clay
How will I slay you today? I'll explain the ways.
Hit you up like a bong, I got a longer schlong,
Schooled by Cheech and Chong in Donkey Kong and Pong
Gonna say you wrong when Kanye dongs the gong
Yer song more prolonged than mahjongg, nonstrong like Sisqo's Thong
Like a fou'-toed hoe jus' beggin for blow, I'll fill your rappin' hole with a white ghostly glow
And a flow mo' slow than David Caruso sco'es you a ro'e on the E-R-T-Y-U show
Show up to kickbox, get rocked like water shootin' Brock,
Its not a shock my clock always tocks, unblocked by your shits
You're layin' crock, gettin' mocked, gonna be roleblocked,
By Falco n' Fox, Kirk n' Spock, and Wigs and BOKBOKBOK
Princess Anri
How the fuck ya gonna mold me when I'm the King of Clay?
Princess Anri may be Warned but you're still easy prey.
Somebody should have warned you that the microphone was on.
This second verse will mourn you since the outcome is foregone.
I personally guarantee a eulogy that is befitting of your pedigree.
To worsen your sweet memory is a sin I won't commit to thee.
It'll be remembered with regret how your courage was unmatched.
We'll try our best to forget just how easily you were dispatched.
What matters most: you did your best. Now just pick a spot.
This flattering post will do the rest as you're lowered to your plot.
I'll bring you flowers every day and say a prayer on your grave.
I'll spend hours wiping tears while reading "Here lies Wigs the Brave."
Wigs
Imma mold you easy Nada, and I'm comin out unscarred
Your rap is soft, king of Clay, my name is Feds, my rap is HARD
All the buzz is about me, like a frantic vuvuzela
My rap's the World Cup, yours is Twilight on Hulu, Bella
You're doodlin' with crayon, while Imma light bike from Tron
Gonna stop you, lowly pawn, 'fore you rap goes to spawn
You're jerkin' off to pr0n, I'll desert you like Lebron
I'd rather be readin' fanfic starrin' Harry and his Ron
Outta time to sound your voice cuz my flow Rolls like a Royce
You gotta stick with your wrong choice, but you blew it, Mr Jim Joyce
And for sure, take more than a whore, put your four on the floor,
Gonna gore every pore, I'm ridin' Eeoyre, 'fore I go out the door!
Battle 13: Cokes vs. McNagah[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Cokes
Check it, RAP BATTLE's back again, hope you missed us
Cokes, B8's Burgermeister, cancelin' Christmas
the rap kaiser on a roll, makin McNagah Grimace
Winnin' with a McFlurry of lines, ain't nothin to dis-cuss
Stronger than ever, like 1up shrooms super sized me
Try to outdo me? Man you better think wisely
Meaty lines like Big, knockout punches like Little
Mac, better watch your back, I'll turn ya brain to peanut brittle
Sizzlin' hot rhymes, so slick like a Royale with cheese
Running through McNagah like some real good Chinese
Killin' his ass, you better believe I'm Lovin' It
But not as much as buryin' his ass in the ball pit
Battle 14: Seginustemple vs. WingedInsignia[]
~The Score~
Seginustemple: N/A
WingedInsignia: DQ
~The Raps~
Seginustemple
first attack, yo your act is a mere cat-call in that it's tactless
so whack you tacked feathers on your back-fat just to distract us
this twelve-stack packs gravity, you see it raps around an axis
universally attracts and grabs steadfast galactic masses
the fact is my big bang predates ulti's first kiss and had less tension
still I string slang theory through the space of multi-verse dimensions
so just know if your signature style is to wing it like a scribble
three initials will be sufficient to bring your spitting to a dribble
R.I.P. would be the ticket, already booked your final flight
but you can still sign off the battle before you're hooked and tryin' ta fight
my laser-sight's the dotted line and I implore you to endorse it
so I can blaze your body and your mind, leave just your winged horseshit
Battle 15: swordsman12 vs RollTheBones[]
~The Score~
swordsman12: 5
RollTheBones: 9
~The Raps~
swordsman12
I’m an inmate with a vengeance, just stepped out the prison gate
Risen to the decision that RollTheBones can’t hold his weight
This one shot’ll be enough to knock ya down and leave you bleeding
My rhymes are Ever Clear like the tears that you’ll be weeping.
So I flow like the gulf cause I’m coasting to victory
Go Katrina on the mic, it’s a disastrous mastery
This is your Final Destination, I aint talkin bout the movie
Down below the stage and you got three-stocked, didn’t bruise me
Buzz Lightyear on the track and I’ll take this to infinity
Endless loop of rapping ruin and lyrical divinity
Now I’ll take this nitty grittily, beat you with it viciously
Put your ass on a stake to marinate in your virginity
RollTheBones
The votes? Man I’m hoardin’ them, the voters? You’re borin’ ‘em
Your flow is so sorry while I spit fire like crematoriums.
I’m as hip hop as Big and Pac mixed with Lupe Fiasco,
I can’t be stopped, I always get rocks and I smash hoes
My lyrics are ammunition, leave you bloodied and wishin’
You’d had the premonition to forfeit this decision
Each word is a bullet, all aimed directly for your neck
When you see me pull it, you’ll bounce exactly like your checks
You’re a broke coward, this little fight will be my next win,
You live on welfare while I got so much ice they scream “Ovechkin”
Your rhymes are clichéd and trite – man why even write?
You’re clearly not too bright, bringin’ a sword to gun fight
swordsman12
You think it’s the third but this shit's the finale, you’ll never top me
You can’t stop me cause I’m Compact Dissin’ and you’re floppy
Your punches are missin, like an average joe you’re sloppy
If you think I’m cliché then you’re a weeaboo with Pocky
Shoulda done your research, two of those lines’ve been in my verse
And that Pac and Big shit’s been done by real G’s first
That’s right, I’ve claimed Ovechkin but now I see I’m Crosby
No debate that 8 don’t win and I'm a champion, so crown me
“Lyrical ammunition”… I’ve said that proudly cause I’ve killed crowds like cannibal clown teeth
Your pistol’s shooting blanks, I’ll Adam Banks you with my sword sheath
Smoke you like datsyuk’s deke and now I’m on a hot streak
Don’t know why you’re even trying, the octopus picked me last week.
RollTheBones
You came here hoping to win, but my murderous lines undermined ya
Now my name’s feared, y’all know I got rhymes tight as a nun’s vagina
Coming back was insane with lines so inane that no one’s listening,
It’s all in vain, cuz you got no brain, now I’ll leave you in intense pain.
Your raps like Swiss cheese, moldy, porous, and in need of a thesaurus
You’re not divine, g, but hole-y, your lines as bland as porridge, they bore us
It was foolish to take my hockey bait, us Canadians win gold every time we skate
This battle’s been put on ice, no debate; you’re not fit to rap or even procreate.
People said you were the favourite, but my flow – the people favour it
I’m a beast and I’m not afraid a bit, you’re so weak you shoulda saved your shit
I don’t need research since it’s so well known you’re fated to lose, bitch and moan,
Fate’s mine to own, so you’ll bemoan: Your choice to try your luck, and Roll The Bones
Battle 16: Digi vs. Rusty[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Digi
Welcome one and all, my name is Digi the rappin' prodigy
It's a shame that week one my opponents an atrocity
Rustys not good enough to give me a BJ, hopin that you flossin' b
I'ma reach my happy endin - sorry 'bout the viscosity
You may wanna take a step back, because I'm packin mass velocity.
I'm a lyrical master of the highest accord
I spit flow faster, grabbin' votes from a biased horde
You're a natural disaster, bro, and I'm a lightening strorm
Preach on like a pastor, yo, fear my frightening form.
Rusty - let me just get this out there, quick like a band-aid yank
You at the top of many lists, slick like a brand name shank
But you in the top ten of a rap battle.. Rusty... PLEASE put-down-that-DANK!
Rusty
let me start off this headliner with offering you a smoke
while I’ll neglected you of this blunt so you don’t croak
for you my friend, i’ll gladly teach you how to toke
since the worst part of ya’ll rappers is the tendency to choke.
my rhymes are as smooth as a david villa heel pass
but just sharp enough so they can cut through glass
and the raps hit so hard it’ll send digi on his ass
for i foresee mr. mokka getting the votes from the mass.
see, your raps are all gimmicky like palmer and his lard
left out and forgotten from the party, you are the spoony bard
sir you’ve ran out of ammunition, I’ve played the charizard
and for all the girls you’ve neglected, I want you to fuck me hard.
Digi
You talkin’ ‘bout your raps so sharp, your flow so smooth
And poppin’ off at the top about some gimmick ruse
Yet you’re the one reshashing old board 8 memes
While I’m the one flashing a real rappin scheme
So instead of stealin lines from a rapper like Big Boi
I’ll just break it down for you kid in my next verse, enjoy.
I dig the attitude bro, and how you acting like you own the scene
But I’m on anotha latitude when it comes to burnin green
I was gettin’ sticky icky tore up before you was a dream
Digi was hittin the fifty-fifty og kush and purple gleam
Before one of your seven potential daddie’s busted off his cream
I was hittin eleven essential fatties before you were ever seen.
Rusty
man fuck off digi, I don’t think you know but my daddy’s dead
and as you know the fatties don’t matter as long they givin’ head
so i respect your ways of what you like, if i haven’t said
just as long as you ain’t jerkin’ to eevees as does red
well now I can from the audience see I’m rapping from behind
as I’ve always done my career, my heart will bleed the flow into my mind
but I must say digi, givin’ those 6 free lines was way to kind
after I drop this rap down, you’ll need them reading glasses cause you blind
i can hear voices in my head, you have no chance with this urge
once the greatest tag team strikes, you have no chance against the emerge
watch out son, powers unleashed: here comes the heroic surge
since if there were no me, this would have joined the purge