The Second Week of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 3 Tournament.
~Week 2~[]
Battle 1: Rusty vs. Minipooot[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Rusty
take a word of advice poot, don’t let your raps be rushed
since against the rap messiah, you’re gonna get crushed
i spit out these rhymes, all my the critics get hushed
you be heading for that wine so that your embarrassment gets flushed
now that i’m going you won’t match my desire
poot you looked burnt out, lemme ignite you with my inner fire
you ain’t equipped to face me, head back to the shire
this will end up as a blowout, forcing you to retire
after this battle is over it’ll be rated r for too much gore
getting your heart ripped out from being such a bore
once my second verse hits, the voters will want some more
cuz bitch you don’t even know what i have in store
Minipooot
Well my name may be Mini but the girls call me big
They marvel at my tree trunk while they laugh at your twig
I spew rhymes nastier than a fat prostitute's ass
You spit lyrics so 'crappy' all I smell is gas
This is the Space Jam, son, I hope you've come to play
You're the Adam Morrison to my MJ
I got more skills than Mershi's got gay
I'm your God, bitch, get down and pray
The only thing here gettin' flushed is you
After I hack up your body and rip you a new
One, gonna use your organs to make me a stew
You'll have the honor of becoming my poo
Rusty
please let me introduce you to the life of psychedellica
for as of right now your raps compare to new metallica
get slipped the acid, you don’t know what you’ve been hit with
only realizing now, you have no chance in hell against the sith
you phasing out against my rap lines, too bad this only be the fifth
you’ve uncovered reality, losing to rusty doesn’t seem like such a myth
man there’s no reason for me to pick apart that rap
cuz i’m not even willing enough to give you a dap
so in my next line under, i’ll give ya’ll the recap
since if i haven’t said yet, your rap got the clap
may i ask you now, how’s this experience going
with your mind in the dumps, you won’t match my plateauing
Minipooot
I'm reppin' some Metallica, cause I'm the only 'one'
Who's master of the puppets and you're on strings, son
Gimme fuel, give me fire, gonna burn you well done
'Cept I'll still be forgiven when I blast you with my gun
Listen up bitch, this is the life I chose
To become the supreme master of all that flows
You're like French cinema, that's how it goes
Down on your knees givin' 400 blows
I'm a king among men, I'm Alexander's clone
Gaze at me, peasant, as I rule upon my throne
You ain't fit to be my jester, that much is known
Now make like your namesake and give me a trombone
Battle 2: Cokes vs. Yoshifan[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Yoshifan
Imma spit a verse that'll make you feel worse than ever before
You'll be lyin' on the ground while the crowd yells for more
You'll try to step it up, but like 2 Girls, 1 Cup
You'll be eatin' all your raps, and be lookin' like a whore
I'll pretend for a second you might really be a threat
So I'll drop one little nugget; listen close, you shant forget
Lemme whisper in your ear, c'mon, get even closer
just like the greatest models you remembered as a poser
Now Imma end my time, and my rhyme before I start a riot
You're gonna try to get me back, 'cause you're whack, don't deny it,
You may say you're Cherry, Cokes, But it seems that when provoked,
You won't have a good comeback, 'cause it appears you're really Diet
Cokes
Only thing like two girls one cup is me shittin' in your face
Any more rhymes like those, you can just go 'head and erase
From this host's POV, you no-showed, gotta find you a replace
I mean replacement, but back to buryin' you in ce-ment,
tossin' you in the sea, then people wond'rin where Yo-shi went
Years after your de-scent, get found on the bottom by sea-men
They'll bust your concrete coffin like the wall in Berlin,
wonder if you got your ass kicked by Duff McWhalen,
see my name carved in your chest and throw you back in
'Cause you see, when you get this good, you get notorious
Every line you write's gotta be meritorious
Ruthless verbal murder, that's how to be victorious
Yoshifan
I keep you waiting keep you guessing worried right until the end
then I come in here and bash you again an again an again un
til you beg no more no more tears are screamin down your face
then its pretty goddamn clear that I won this r-rap race
You think I'll disappear that my friend is wishful thinkin
cause the way i write the rhymes gets even the best drinkin
even the best you can bring out is just a plink-a plink-a plinkin
in the pail that is my skill take a minute let that sink in
The hostess with the mostess is something you're clearly not
because the hostess with the mostess would be able to spit hot
you sir are fake like a robot a dark spot on this planot
now watch as your comeback falls flat like some ugly dental rot
Cokes
Man that whole verse was completely incomprehensible
Be sensible, your lines are utterly dispensable
A showing like that is just simply reprehensible
No offense man - your shit is indefensible
Can't even tell what it is you've been trying to say
I mean hey, what's the message that you're tryin' to convey?
It sounds like a rap version of bad surrealism
Word vomit on the page, a verbal cataclysm
But that's enough respondin' to you, you really bore me
I think I'm finally done guttin' you for the glory
Battle 3: RollTheBones vs. Giggsalot[]
~The Score~
RollTheBones: 8
Giggsalot: 8
~The Raps~
RollTheBones
Wrapped up the first week by spittin’ raps without any mercy
I’m the new Miami Heat, while you’re the Nets in New Jersey
I spit eternal lines, my rap skills are divine and now y’all know it
I got more internal rhymes than a girl who fucked a poet:
See, underdog’s a role I thrive in, my star’s rising, yours is nose-diving
I’ma leave Giggs broken, cryin’; top of my division’s where I’m arriving.
I’m the main attraction, you’re an ugly distraction like that shirt of Ulti’s
Your rhymes give no satisfaction, your raps are lackin’: heard of multis?
Your weak little act’s exposed by my lyrical acid composed of empirical facts
The miracles I spit explode like dynamite on my track of satirical attacks
Illness is my mandate, you’re the epitome of being skill-less and man-dates
Feel this? You can’t hate even a bit of me because I thrill this board’s fan base!
Giggsalot
Giggs stampede like oxen, unleash lyrical toxin
Destroy your mind and body all at once, like chessboxin'
In THA LEAGUE 2, your raps I slew - added you to my kill bank
It's deja vu, I'm right on cue - Giggs knockin' Roll out like Miltank
Yo Bones, you better take care, cos Giggs he never play fair
I catch your sorry ass then stick you straight in the Day Care
Straight murderous in the booth like you're pleading with Kiefer Sutherland
All opponents this uncouth left bleeding red like the motherland
Man your flow sucks and you know it, my win's already overdue
Cos that girl that fucked a poet clearly passed right over you
Yo I'm craved like Ulti's shirt while you flop like a sweat rag
Giggs done saved the multiverse with an effortless "heh, f**s"
RollTheBones
Professionalism? Man don’t make me sick – Not my fault you’re scared of chicks
I go out at night to procreate with tricks, while Giggs raps poorly and sucks on shits
Didn’t think such a f** would talk shit, I doubt those jokes you mustered pass
As good lines, bitch, I’ll drag you to Auschwitz, choke you with mustard gas
See, your head’s messed and delayed like you were nursed on a fault line
G, your raps at best display that you’re simply the worst of all time
Switchin between first and third person like an inconsistent Icon
Bitch, I’m your worst nightmare when they choose to switch my mic on
Pokepuns? You’re kidding me, childish rhymes confirm your loss unwittingly
See the lines I’m spitting, G? See the genius these lines are transmitting here?
I’m mature and hostile, you’re a baby that’s docile who forgot
My signature style: “If you don’t know, now you know” Giggs fails – a lot.
Giggsalot
Man I don't care about whose wife you court or which dykes you take home
Cos they unplugged your life support when they turned on my mic-ro-phone
Yo, all that matters here's who's iller - that ain't got shit to do with hoes
And with your chatter packed with filler, no question where these votes will go
My rhymes are certified thriller, your transmission Lost like Rousseau's
See I'm a bona fide killer, bitch - this real rap, not Art Nouveau
Actually, this more like Dada; but who's your daddy ain't up for question
Giggs rising up like intifada, but yo, this ain't no insurrection
Cos it was always lookin' likely Roll would be the one facing ejection
Battling Giggs is like boning chicks, man, you should always bring protection
And while we're talking 'bout dicks, sorry if I killed your erection
Cos after this two times six, seems Bones could use some resurrection.
Battle 4: Menji vs. Justin Crossing[]
~The Score~
Menji: 8
Justin Crossing: 3
~The Raps~
Justin Crossing
Your mouth gets fuckin massive when you got somethin to speak
Claiming it's undeniable, untryable, when crap flies out your beak
Your claims are plain unrealistic, so here I'll be your skeptic
Promises you make are never held, even when they're not cryptic
So here I stand and make a powerhouse claim
Whatever you throw at me will be a spark compared to my flame
Truth pounds the chest with more strength than a lie
So I'll crush your lungs with what you too often deny
Maybe you'll see the truth, the reality that you lack
Oh who am I kidding, your mentality is on crack
So I'm here to defeat you, destroy you, once and for all
To decimate you, demolish you, and witness your fall
Menji
I’ll tell you something funny about alliterations, clown
Try for three words, not two and you might receive my crown
As my mother did, are you picking up what I’m putting down?
You are a boy excelling in my game, the Rookie of the Year
Momma Lied Saying you be ready for the League - Premier
Your shame’s showing son, no need to paint your face red
You a fan to me try to blow past when going head-to-head
strike-you-out of this thread and jump twenty votes ahead
JC, you were saved by the Taco Bell, now please resign
Clean yourself up while I sweep and then we might dine
You could eat but your weak rhymes left you savage, macho
This rap battle is now between a taco and a burrito, nacho
Justin Crossing
I feel bad for your mother, you torturous wretch
Forcing her to clean up all that crap, endlessly playing fetch
And even worse for her now she'll have to clean the bloodstains
Since I'm about to punish you with fuck that's inhumane
You might want to get your crappy math straight
Pull out a calculator while I prepare your fate
One home-run strike doesn't put you twenty ahead
But once I've severed your head, you'll be 100% dead
And a taco and burrito? Then who are you fighting now?
If I'm a nacho, then you're not fighting me, but minced cow
You've left me a spot to go Solid Snake on your rhymes
Next time you throw out stuff, check in between the lines
Menji
Your rhyming has tortured me long enough
But I am tough, THE diamond in the rough
Consider me Big Boss, cloned for my genius
Leaving you as Solid Snake - no penis
Pull out your calculator while I do it in my head
The chance is still 0% that you’d get any in bed
We are in my universe bitch, didn’t you check-in?
‘Cause you got a nasty itch, leaving you with chagrin
Don’t worry we can’t see, like a kid without his glasses
Get you fixed up by three, just in time for your classes
In creative writing with the asses - nacho metaphors
“not you” – but me, the masses chose mine, not yours
Battle 5: Warning Crazy vs. Alec[]
~The Score~
Warning Crazy: 0
Alec: 15
~The Raps~
Warning Crazy
ughhh i dont really feel like writing this now
but i guess if your in for a penny your in for a pound
i'm probably not gonna win this week or any
and the votes i get are not gonna be many
you may view this as a flatout concession
but its really more of a warm-up session
I got placed in the hardest divison and it got even more hard
my performance is gonna be worse than that in the world cup of steven gerrard (<3)
i view this as a sort of learning experience
not sure if i'll come back next year, i'm on the fence
responses are easier than going first
but this rap surely cant be the very worst
Alec
You’re just a pest, a mosquito, should have stayed incognito
Should be replaced on the spot by Cokes’ executive veto
Take it from me, self-hating’s a really bad tactic
So let me school you in my purest didactic
You either got talent or you don’t, and if that’s all you can muster
Your rhymes got no luster, so don’t waste my time with filibuster
You’re like a kids with no hands, you just can’t pick it up
I almost feel guilty like I’m kicking a pup
Warning’s set on a journey, on his lyrical hadj
Cuz handys are dandy but this kid needs some vag
But if he loves like he raps, it’ll be a long time coming, almost numbing
Lemme call up your girl, at least then someone’ll check her plumbing
Warning Crazy
Well first off bro I get laid several times a day
projecting your lack of success onto me, i'd say
but now lets get on to a real important matter
a rap so fucking bad, it made me empty my bladder
you have the fucking balls to suggest i quit
after you wrote something that showed no thought and no wit
you said you were just freestyling and generally being a clown
but i think you wrote what you saw after taking a shit and looking down
i mean honestly what you wrote was so bad
it would even make ed bellis or palmer mad
if you said your rap out loud it would cause the death of even mutes
you might wanna go back to making duct tape flowers and suits
Alec
Everybody place your bets, head to the nearest casino
Crazy's gettin' slaughtered so bad it'd sicken Tarantino
Saw you tried to step it up, but it sounds just the same, its a shame
Better get moving to Denver, only way you'll elevate your game
You're the additive identity, you're only a zero, I'm a superhero
With all my lines super effective, like I'm Pikachu, you're Fearow
It's clear you're a contract that Cokes had best not renew
If Van Gogh heard you rap he'd think he cut one ear too few
You contest my evaluation of your lacking creation
But your rap's got no balls like it suffered castration
If your rhymes were a fetus they would face termination
Best give China your raps, they'll control population
Battle 6: Biolizard vs. Seg[]
~The Score~
Biolizard: 0
Seg: 13
~The Raps~
Biolizard
Winged was a no show, surely he will not be missed
Ain't a thing that punk could've done to prepare you for this
I'm not like the others, compensating with loquaciousness
I spit my rhymes, getting by solely on my bodaciousness
Turn around now, boy, I'm not something you can handle
My lyrics are made for records while you're bound for Disney Channel
Like all other pretenders, little boys amongst men
Take your hopes and crush them, again and again and again
You were hoping for a sweet dream, I brought you a nightmare
when I'm beating you down, you'll be crying it's not fair
You thought you had a chance, and I feel bad for you, son
This league has got talent, but you got none
Seg
A shame Bio's main multi's been the same word thrice, it's sinnin
again I'm unshook, heard tighter hooks laid by mice and mennen
I'll be soakin in this win, leave you a broken lizard in club dread
invoke wizardry to scissor thee, the sharpest tool in your final shed
cuz I write guide lines and rule this dome, I'm known as the pro-to-call
so don't cry and whine like a fool since I've exposed your flow's devolved
it shows no development like the mall's instant photo stall
and places "lol" on fellow men's faces who accordingly vote yo fall
yo there's novels about my organ titled "Nothing Shy Of Ten"
meanwhile your entire bio is accompanied by violin
my shit's a hefty mashup like Joe Walsh plus Keanu Reeves
blowin up like I can't drive fifty-five in the movie Speed
Biolizard
I come up to the mic, deliver to ya'll a ballad
Seggy's turn, nervous, he throws up this word salad
Oblivious to the gibberish he spits in his fear
Best forget about your phobia, cause you're already here
These lyrics come natural, every moment an epiphany
Your organ is impotent, my violin part of this symphony
We could've rapped like gentlemen, but you're style's too crass
Beats so ugly, Rice Krispies wouldn't talk to your ass
So refined it's hard to find, I redefine the genre
They ask me for my best, and I always give 'em extra
Read all about it, my skills are stuff of legends
Don't bother looking for yourself, cause ain't worth a mention
Seg
Well the balladry's as valid and as fly as flightless wings
a celly's melody and the beat is worse than rodney king's
god, he sings to me so my rap's narrated by morgan freeman
and yes the organ's loaded get girls stoned with gorgon semen
dreamin ice cream I need to eat b-lizard, ordain no mo posin
but he'd give me mad writers block, with this great brain so frozen
gotta fight this clock, sorta cuttin it close but no worries
B, I'm sure he's pre-occ with nuttin on gross furries
unleash the furies, judge that blurry line of sexual neurosis
bio gets the closest with doses of phallic halitosis
because liz and his boy say no homo though both know
those drawers gon go low and both blow so he gets the most flow
Battle 7: Boko vs. fetusbucketeer[]
~The Score~
Boko: 6
fetusbucketeer: 2
~The Raps~
Boko
it's that bok-bok to the show, and everyone agrees
i got niagra flow, and your lyrics is bees
get on your knees - for we all know what i'm planning
throwing tee-dees like drew brees, you're tossing picks like peyton manning
high up in trees, you're buried six feet underground
i'm a gengar in this battle, you're a jiggly usin' pound.
but i'll appease - for i can run this court with ease
you're like shaq missin' your frees, while my skill's are like kobe's.
so i ask please: try and take your chance to flee
throwin' underhand at me, but i pitch like i'm cliff lee
an MVP, being the best is my disease
you're a nothing 'round these parts, bein' shunned like the furries.
fetusbucketeer
fetus-specific, shmetus-specific; son your rap read like a herd of goats, bleaters,
specifically fainting goats, you know the kind that pass out when you scare them?
See, to me that's you Boko - your rhymes seem impaired - and
I gotta be honest - is this even fair? If Boko were stubble then I would be Nair;
disintegration, disappearance - no five-o-clock shadow here -
I understand you have to see a doctor wait for what? A pap smear?
I just called you a woman so now I feel tough, like I can break through some walls
or fuck Hilary Duff in every last hole if she'd let me or not,
actually only if she'd let me - I don't get all hot
and bothered over thinking of rapes, only raps and I gotta tell ya your rhymes? That shit's wack.
But hey man, don't despair, I mean you have a rebuttal!
But now I'm done so I'm gonna stop by your mom's house to cuddle.
Boko
not even in my league, you can't consider us foes
words that cause me no fatigue, you can't tell snakes from dildos.
now i'll expose - your flow just doesn't make sense
a glass cannon sans attacks, you just have no defense
there's no suspense - for we all know how this ends
you ARE alone here now and i'm fighting for my friends
but let's pretend - believe you ever had a chance
gonna take a ton of shooting stars to match up with my trance.
and i'll advance - you're just another steppin' stone
i'm a fleet of mass carriers against a single drone
that's in the zone - your lyrics make me yawn
i'm geared up to take you on, you need additional pylons.
fetusbucketeer
Boko more like choke-o LOL your last rap sucked
It had it's good points (just the Starcraft) but in the end I'm just abduct
ing that little victory I'm sure you thought you'd handily procure,
but now you're done and I'm just starting so let's see where we end up.
If this were real, in living color, I would see you think you're fucked
I think you're timid, slightly worried that this Peon might construct
a fucking Fortress from the get-go - now you see I'm not demure -
Hell, add a Bestiary - why not? - I'm spitting Liquid Fire, pup.
Blah blah blah blah this is pointless - do I really need to rhyme?
It's in the bag, you have no chance you might as well just make your time
I have to tell you one last thing before it's finally time to go -
that your mother's great in bed and now your sister wants a throw.
Battle 8: Digi vs. Ed Bellis[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Digi
Well my rappin’ opponent is Bellis, tried and true
Up against Digi of the late night crew
But I’ve got a question if you can refresh my memory, Ed
In your raps last year what was it that you said?
Somethin about trumpets and horns for King Bellis, almighty
The only song I’m hearing is Taps, you goin’ nighty nighty
That’s right, I used the word nighty in a rap battle, son
I’ve got 99 problems and that line ain’t one of ‘em
Your rappin’ ability don’t count as one either
Battling you after Rusty is like I’m takin a breather
You were picked as the favorite to win this division
But I’m calling upset at the hands of DigitalIncision.
Ed Bellis
I'll digitally incise you with internet-filled blades
Left more broken hearts behind me than fifteen Queens of Spades
Gonna own you then disown you like a game from Play and Trades
I'm kingly for a reason and stately for all times
Can be fiercer than a lion or more soothing than bell chimes
But right now you're in the jungle, gonna maul you with these rhymes
You're about to play a song for me but buddy, it ain't Taps
It's a victory epiphany called “Bellis, God of Raps”
Get lost, go home, you're done, you moan, forgettable like B*A*P*S
And every bit as useful as a wise old popa sloth
If rhymes were ice you couldn't keep your water cold on Hoth
A feeble, broken gangsta – bolded 'Hymen,' not the 'Roth.'
Digi
You can break hearts all day while I’m cracking skulls see
Choosing instead to slay, you’re waxxin’ metaphorically
You packin’ ‘internet filled blades’, I’m strappin cold heat
My rappin is ‘perfectly ill grade’, yours are lackin bold beats
I’m a flow-spittin’ veteran, your raps have no foundation
My lines are embedded in the minds of the population.
You didn’t leave a trail of broken hearts, your raps never follow through
Your raps are nothin to my spoken arts, your momma shoulda swallowed you.
My rhymes flow fast, spit sickly like a veritable maelstrom
Yo prime is so past, commit quickly to takin a charitable male’s cum
So pop up from the top again, write about your fictional victory epiphany
I’ll mop up in the votes again and spit your epitaph with my lyrical symphony.
Ed Bellis
Crack Skulls if you must, I'll still Crush you to Dust
I should've been swallowed? Bitch, you should've been flushed
Rhymes like mush, need a brush with a lyrical thrust
Ed's upper crust touch makes them shudder and hush
They're like Starsky and Hutch, rhymes and rhythms, and plus
All new sounds and shenanigans – Ed's just too much
For busted up hustlers like Digi, so shush
Cuz I strut limousines while you ride the short bus
You get nervous and blush but I'm naught but nonplussed
I'm a hot antitrust, split you up without fuss
Then assimilate you like hip-hop's own Anschluss
Where does Digi begin and the fail end? Discuss.
Battle 9: foolmo vs. Pats D[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
foolmo
That last round was more pathetic than it should have been
But I can't complain when Cokes YET AGAIN hands me another sure-win
From rhode island? Man, I'm crying, you sure take small to extremes
You sure like sports, I'll keep this short, like Giants crushing your dreams
Can't block my offense, shock my defense, and you sure can't score
Only touchdown you will get is when your face hits the floor
Need not display instant replay to accept MY perfection
Your future's bleak, you're far too weak, not fit for this Division
You're just a little kid, too scared to step out the door
No need to fear or shed a tear, you're what handicaps are for
Your Dynasty is history, no kingdom compares to mine
So take your time, think up a rhyme, I'm sure that I'll be fine
Pats D
I'm from Rhody? More liek Mass. That's retahded homie. You make me laugh
Will he or won't he whip my ass? Does this big jabroni think he can last?
I get a little restless from uneducated references
This temporary desperateness just shows why you're inept at this
I also think the lesson is that I am just the best at this
So get your Smith n Wesson I'm just guessin' you invest in it.
You seem like the kinda dweeb who'd need to pack some kinda heat
But since I am a black belt I'm fine with using mine-a feet
And hands. I got a horse stance and it's kinda neat
You gotta understand that your punkass is mine to beat.
My lines are platinum, derrr. Yours are a batch of turds.
Go back to macaroni gluing 'till you craft a verse.
foolmo
You're all talk, ain't that good in a word fight? Nah, they're just dreams
Half those lines written by your moms to raise your self-esteem
No one buys that crap any more than they buy her late night services
Pretend all you wish, but I see the bitch deep down below your surfaces
You wanna be fast and strong, don't get me wrong, you're nowhere near the best
Smart as ctes, classy just like sess, legit as the gamefaqs ToS
You bring fists to a battle of words, that's fine
Get out of your bore stance, you're making me snore stance, come at me any time
What's a black belt when your sensei is just a box of Trix?
Don't need guns when I got this lyrical jutsu at my fingertips
I'll knock you down so hard you'll be molecularly bonded
to the ground, make no more sound, the voters will thank me for what I did
Pats D
What's up with all the sass man, your ass sounds like a comic book
You're gonna make me vomit, look, your lines are full of grime and soot
Musta thought about your verse shorter than the time it took
For me to see yo momma's looks and monge on her vagina guk
But keep ya head up; you're like the kettle
Callin' the pot black n got smacked the hellup
If I was a horse I wouldn't trot I would gallop
But enough with the metaphors its better for your mettle
If I don't make you get too mental; you'd need a rental
Cop to try and stop me and I'll still be like "bitch, settle
Down and take off that frown. I'm taking you to town.
Call me buddy when you fake your way into the next round.
Battle 10: Wigs vs. sonicblastpunch[]
~The Score~
Wigs: 0
sonicblastpunch: 13
~The Raps~
Wigs
Take this to the hole SBP, here comes the Wigs phenomenal
But you playin' with a Bob-omb see, and my sport's called Bomb-sketball
Wrote off Anri with a yawn and chuckle, I'll make sure yo Pressure will buckle
Your rap's ghostly n' begone like Knuckles, I'm flowin' harder than Shellder or Shuckle
Goin' against me is a plan doomed to fail, fellin' you in a state catatonic
My flow's like epic Beowulfian Tales, yours'll make me chuckle (much like Sonic)
Now they say I be illin' and yer just a fill-in, so let me be elaborate that I'll be killin'
To hear the sound of you be trillin', as you no longer willin' to produce any chill'en
Ride you over the Moon like ET as my force demolishes, my power unleashes
Like in that movie smoosh you like candy, you're the M&Ms to my Reese's Pieces
It's not like you planned , or understand, why Imma crushed you like glass to sand
So I'll take command, put you on the stand, you'll melt on the spot AND in my hands
sonicblastpunch
performances like that just serve to warn all other rappers hence:
don't mash two lines together if neither one makes a lick of sense
you dream of being fearsome like you're final kefka, dancing mad
but you're just stringing nonsense rhymes together like a fancy lad
and like a rash your whole routine is aggravating, ugly, blotchy
your attempts at wit are sadder than the great clown pagliacci
and your flow is so morose you'll hide 'til monday out of shame
the only fan you've ever had's the one you added to your name
and even he's voting for me, that's how hard you're detested --
you exposed yourself so much mel gibson said you should be gang molested
can't present yourself well and you just couldn't disprove this:
our boardmates call you 'gums' because you're absolutely toothless
Wigs
It's a simple algorithm, you just gotta postulate
Strugglin' with your mission, so allow me to facilitate
A swamp's your putrid rhythm and mine's here to inundate
Mine's smooth and driven, your stagnancy coagulates
I'm not that Paggli-stuff, boy you must be clownin'
Ain't gettin giggly or guff, cuz your shit leave me frownin'
They call me Shiggy-tough, like I'm scalin Death Mountain
Cuz like a Jigglypuff, it's your ass I'll be poundin'
Your rap's with poor complexion, so avoid its stale affliction
Can't get by crap detection, you're facin' dereliction
Need earmuffs for sound protection, ears goin' through crucifixion
I'll belt out an Objection for your auditory contradiction
sonicblastpunch
your flowery prose was apropos from just another shrinking violet
barely even turbulence worthy of leaving autopilot
crushed against my atmospheric pressure, couldn't stand the weather
still got yarn around your head from trying to string two thoughts together
desperate to make number one but your ichi is scratchy
i'm the 1080p hi-def to your cheap ten-inch hitachi
'cause your style's outdated garbage and the scrap heap is your next address
you're like evade in ff3/6j -- totally meaningless
and like a kiddie pool at night you're not real bright and not real deep
you called yourself a jigglypuff and put the audience to sleep
the crowd demanded sugar and you dropped a load of aspartame
when no one choo-choo-chooses you, you'll only have yourself to blame
Battle 11: MysteriousStan vs. swordsman12[]
~The Score~
MysteriousStan: 0
swordsman12: 12
~The Raps~
MysteriousStan
Well Week One went to Giggs
Still word is “You’re gonna go far kid.”
But now I’ve got to open
Cross ya fingers, here’s hopin’
So swordsman are ya a king or a phony
With an overblown ego like those guys at Sony?
Can you fling a string of words so pristine that angels sing?
While the other guy in the ring can’t say a thing – ding ding.
Let me venture a guess and say ya can’t and ya not.
Sayin’ you’re hot while the crowd’s going dot dot dot.
From what I’ve seen, you’re average, how did ya manage?
Best give up now, I’ve got the Weapon Triangle Advantage.
swordsman12
Had a close first round but this aint the sequel
Downed a Breakfast of Champions cause I know I won’t be equaled
My lines bind your digits like Cat’s Cradle, Ice 9 you and leave ya frozen to the table
Begging “please sir” for more but I just smack you with the ladle
Raise the alarm, wail the Sirens of Titan, I came to smash this battle ‘fore we started fightin’
Call me Mother Night when you black out, never be enlightened
Slice you into pieces, now you’re the Slaughterhouse 5
Your pulse decreases as you cease to be alive
You call me egotistical then shit a verse that’s oh-so-typical
cause my lines are goddamn mystical and yours are simply trivial
Ran with the best and I’ve earned wins, I deserve this
I couldn’t lose this battle if I threw this shit on purpose
MysteriousStan
Now Vonnegut is nice but Bradbury is best
I’m not impressed, this win is mine, no contest.
swordsman 12 - a king - guess not, just some mercenary unknown
Figures cause - I didn’t see him pull the sword from the stone.
You’re words - bluster, mine - like the good Reverend Jesse Custer’s
Remember the cow from last night - guess who made ya fuck her?
Now I see ya mustered a cluster of cash to hire a good adjuster
Well I’ll be over here listening to “Two Points for Honesty” by Guster.
But don’t look so glum, chum, all ya have to do is succumb
Feel the drum of your heart (bum-bum) as it slowly goes numb
Become dust as you crumble, should have listened to your thumb
Cause now you know - something wicked has this way come.
swordsman12
My first verse was auspicious but now it’s time I got vicious
Put you on then cross you off my shit list cause I win this
I didn’t have to pull the sword from the stone
Beat Arthur in a battle, took his weapon and his throne
These bitches scream and they moan, “please, leave him alone!”
But now he’s broken every bone and crying to atone
Damn I’m in the zone, pop *****s like frat bro collars
While you’re out getting blown by fat hoes for dollars
Play a tiny violin and lemme twist this fo yo sorrows
I get high before I wreck you, call me kill-a-man-jaro
You just don’t have the wit kid so say your last prayer
You might be wicked but beware, I’m your worst nightmare
Battle 12: Chrono1219 vs. Realo[]
~The Score~
Chrono1219: 0
Realo: 15
~The Raps~
Chrono1219
Scopes on Realo and he's got no clue.
Crosshair's, face right there, gonna be a through and through.
Charging up, get ready for a light show.
Lighting your mind. Record and rewind, replay in slow mo.
Firing Lasers, do your barrel roll.
Bright lights but your no super star.
Got caught in a fire fight, but your not a hometown hero.
Hold tight but your not making love.
Last thing in your sight, a bullet that made a big hole.
Crashing down, prepare for a trip below.
Flashing, your life. Devil or Divine, decides where you go.
Expiring heart beat, no hope for your soul.
Realo
I'm a Spacey fan always makin references to Se7en
I'll blow us the hell up---Just to see if the Devil can make it into Heaven
The Altar of Nine awaits the Divine, but there's no truth in ya stance
It's a Dark Brother's Hood--You don't stand a Lucien LeChance
So remember: When you see my Black Hand with a sword-in-it
Runnin through your house with a black hood on... you ordered it
You treated this rap battle like a joke...a game.. a tournament
So I'm treating you to Christmas time..hang you from a tree...ornament
I'm done with this clown, I'm serious---bored of it
Your Alliance couldn't have failed worse---I'm for the Hordin' it.
Truly, I'm now preparin for duty
Gun to the back of your skull---now you're a true American Beauty
Chrono1219
See someone talking about fatality.
Hide your face, you disgrace, to humanity.
Think I'm crazy, you're a step below insanity.
Here's a taste, just in case, you get wounded mortally.
Check in the closet, check under the bed.
Be sure you're not losing it and it's all in your head.
Lock down the windows, lock up the doors.
Be sure I'm not coming to see that you'll end up dead.
You might not fear the reaper, you might not fear the beast.
But Chrono's gonna put you into eternal sleep.
Something inside your dreams, controlling you, it can't be tamed.
Monster inside of me, destroying you, our claims to fame.
Realo
This kid doesn't get it, he rhymed Fatality with... mortally?
I'll cut a hole in your chest and send you into the next dimension...Portal-ly
I'm chortling---you rapping about head shots...go figure
You can't even shoot your mouth off, you're Chrono without a Trigger
It's clear that I'm Bigger---Boi, Chico Dusty, your my little son Leftfoot---
You're left shook by this leftfoot, giving you brain damage like Rusty
Trust me, while your momma just called you husky
You're fat and you can't score....just like Nebraskan Huskies
I'm a Siberian Huskie, you're a BFUCK named Sasha
It's ironic, cuz when other girls see your weiner they say "HaHa"
So Pac Man, when you all you see is red dots, imma make ya head pop
I'm bouncin ya verses off the rope, this a lyrical HULKAMANIA leg drop
Battle 13: Mer vs. BBallman7[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Mer
Once I get started, can't stop, call me Pringles,
Your rhymes sound rocky, where the fuck is Bullwinkle?
Map it out like Tingle, flyer than a Wingull,
Don't question my shit cause I deliver, Chris Cringle,
Claimed my first victim but I got screwed over,
Gave the win to Alec? Think we need some new voters,
Comin' over, Rover, you're runnin' like motors,
think I'm done cookin' but that shit was just hors d'oeuvres,
Who the fuck's callin'? You'll never B Ballin',
B8's my dictatorship, call me Jo Stalin,
I'll kill your ass and be on tothe next life,
You'll be pushin' daisies like Donald Duck's sex life
BBallman7
Yo homey, I think you don't know me,
I drop mad bombs and you're a one trick pony,
You're phony, I'd tell you to blow me but you probably wish this,
So I'll just add you to my hit list and end your sad existence,
I'm not B Ballin' I'm malicious, each attack is vicious,
Enjoy be chips bitch, you're leaving this winless.
I'll kill you cuz it's fun, and just be glad to spite you,
And to my head put a gun to fuck up your afterlife too,
Could beat you with a haiku, your double digit IQ
Means you're gonna lose cuz beating fools is what I do.
And outside of board 8, I'm getting all of the ladies,
Rapping's not your forte, go back to swallowin' babies.
Mer
What I'd give to slay someone with more to say
besides tired ass jokes about "derp, you're gay",
with verbal fisticuffs, they can't get enough,
Cause my rhymes are even harder than the dicks I suck,
You can call me the vandal, shootin' like Scandal,
BANG BANG! I go to the top like candles,
You think you're hard, man? I can go harder,
Have your ass runnin' like I threw the garter,
In your system like a tumor with my sense of humor,
I ask 'em who da best, everybody say "You, Mer!"
B8's Jay-Z, they say I'm so crazy,
Then I pass a bitch up like "HI I'M DAISY!"
BBallman7
I'm known to be ruthless, at rap you're newish,
This is my lake, and you're the new fish,
Hate to call you useless, but if the shoe fits,
You couldn't beat Hitler if the judge was Jewish.
Excuseless and toothless I'll use your bones as toothpicks,
Cut off your legs, and walk around in my new kicks.
You used to have some fans, it seems you've lost your charm,
They said Mer might have a chance, but that was a false alarm.
With my last lines gonna stab your eyes, are you satisfied?
Just imagine how fast you'd die if I thought I had to try.
You can't phase me, I'm used to hurdling boulders,
And in the words of Jay-Z, I'll brush that Mer off my shoulders.
Battle 14: Curt vs. Dilated Chemist[]
~The Score~
Curt: 14
Dilated Chemist: 12
~The Raps~
Curt
Pay attention cuz this radioactive attack is attractive
ascention the goal won't let it go as this track is enacted
like no other you spit flow and there's prattle 'wow, a prose'
I got mer though so no hope for you if this battle comes to blows
it's time for my scheme to blow up with my rhyming might
a sublime chime as your head explodes with each punch, dynamite!
a site is my catalyst for this chain reaction, but you're the chemist
maybe you missed the composition for this fission; you've been apprenticed
could have been a doctor or dentist, christ, you've got no chemistry with words
should have me as a proctor, watch as I slice you with diction in three thirds
'n I'll massacre your whole city bitch, yeah cuz I'm so shiten ill
your ride? a buck fitty, 'rich*', call me a shiten coup de ville.
Dilated Chemist
Before I unleash the beast in me, here's one thing that you need to read.
Difference between me & C? He's illiterate - I write ILL literacy!
My Optimus Prime rhymes are here to best your dull raps.
I'll swoop and kill your Coup De Ville with my Energon Axe!
Get the facts straight, bitch - you don't stand a chance against greatness.
All the hype you made for this and not one amazingly great diss?!
Mister B. atleast put effort in his last verses and tried to fight for ---
---Wait, that Lizard be the last person you lost to... yeah, cry more!
I'm down to four lines, got your rhymes to get some notable laughter.
Dawg, you couldn't get radio active in the Chernobyl Disaster!
I've mastered the rap pen, you lack the finesse to compete or test.
My lyrical sickness, I'll leave you win-less - your texts are weak at best!
Curt
You look shook after that weak shit waiting for my next hook
I spit hard rhymes, like you got hit with lines written in a text book.
Optimus died last time, didn’t he? Couldn’t be much.
Like a Rodimus Prime imprint I’ve got the touch.
But I’ll agree that this emcee drops ill literacy
Still feel queasy see from the words I was forced to read.
A killing sprees what this’ll be ‘n nobody can protect him.
Yeah I’ll wreck ‘em leavin’ this rap to explode up in his rectum.
Your ‘lyrical sickness’ works if your listeners are schizophrenic,
This board’s sick mess, like Oskana to Mel their affection’s synthetic.
It’s dramatic how emphatic –ly this spree led you 6 feet beneath,
The ground. When he was found DC needed to fix more than two teeth.
Dilated Chemist
The worst rappers and authors could show this moron who's who.
Your verse is all hype, then disappointment - like porn on youtube!
This chicken bleeds cordon bleu juice while DC is the God emcee.
You can go stick this up your ass - like your practicin' sodomy!
My fans aren't liars, I'm flawless. I'm sure to prevail in this fight.
My hooks will wire your jaw, bitch - like an oral surveillance device!
I'm sure my rhymes will suffice, I'm just too nice when I write.
You're like the Washington Wizards - you're just not right with the mic!
I'll have you sacked and tied in front of an audience as big as half this site.
And the crowd will be askin' "Why did he agree to a public sacrifice?"
Your life came at a price, but admit it - it was my flow you borrowed.
But it doesn't matter, you're through - this one's FO YO SORROWS!
Battle 15: Aeon Azuran vs. jdizzy[]
~The Score~
Aeon Azuran: 7
jdizzy: 2
~The Raps~
jdizzy
I put it on my grandfathers daughter I will not become a martyer
I will fight til the end like a real man oughta
But this is the genisis and I refuse to fall
my light shines so bright it blinds, i guess that makes you Saul.
my References are biblical, rhyme scemes divine
My win will be called a miricle, a sigh of end times
But I say it been preordaned like the coming of christ
And imma knock yo ass out david and golith'
My psalms are filled wit proverbs Can you get the revelation?
beat you so bad you'll be screaming lamatations
yo days are numbered sucka count em off in your head
And your name aint jesus so you gon stay dead.
Aeon Azuran
Your rap’s Apocryphal but there’s some truth in what you say
It does take a miracle to outflow Double A
But I see no angelic choir here to mark your ascent
It’s only brimstone and fire ‘cause I’m goin’ Old Testament.
For you it’s 40 years of exodus with no safe harbor
You’re gonna suffer like Samson after a trip to the barber
There’s gonna be eight nights of agony, light your menorah
But don’t look back while I attack: Lot’s wife did that in the Torah
And when I’m through with you it’ll be part 2 of Sodom and Gomorrah.
So pay attention Daniel, now you’re in the lion’s den
In this trial you’re the baby and I’m King Solomon --
You’ll land in pieces on the altar while they’re prayin’ AMEN
jdizzy
Holy Trinity, and Im ya father son
I would ghost ya ass but really it be to bothersome
You kinda like a reverse Joseph, cant beat me in your dreams
plus you lack originality, gotta steal other ****** themes
They say all dogs go to heaven, Is that why you such a bitch?
Sit yo ass down-wait do you even know that trick?
Im tired of picking up yo shit, you puppy bitch, down boy
mangle you so bad they'll have to go and put you down boy
Chew you like a chew toy, spit you out like tabacco
All yo lines are mild mine are hot like tabasco
or more like a Habanero, nah i guess im off the scale
Either way compared to you im like the fires of hell
Aeon Azuran
Your lyrics make less sense than “are we human or dancer”
If I were tobacco I’d avoid your mouth like cancer
‘Cuz when you spit you leak dross, you’re no tabasco just weaksauce
Your weight bends wood so I’ll crucify you on an oblique cross
Anyday of the week I’m worth twice as much as you
So when you’re gone this trinity will be reduced to two
Like Cain you’re not able to escape from your fate
Like Jonah on a whale watch, you’ve made a huge mistake
And abandoning the biblical for the pet owner?
You sunk so low with that rap I think hell froze over.
Accuse me of stealin’ themes, where’s your originality?
Guess jdizzy’s just to busy jizzin’ in his hand to write, isn’t he?
Battle 16: ExThaNemesis vs. Forceful Dragon[]
~The Score~
ExThaNemesis:
Forceful Dragon: DQ
~The Raps~
ExThaNemesis
Let's put some heart attack fear in this partly whack lyricist.
Think I said part whack coz the other part's queer? It is.
The only thing clear is this: Your fate you can't alter, boy.
So I'm bout to fulfil yer dreams and make you my altar boy.
Your words, they so fraud that you got no bid'ness verse me.
I'll prove there's no God, you'll pray "ExTha HAVE MERCY"
This a notice to FD and the rest, I rock and you ALL blow.
I have to slow down what I spit, so you can digest what you swallowed.
Two battles this week, and I'm not done at all, no.
Just shot Wigs down, now Forceful will follow.
Barely warmed up and already displaced his face with my pen.
When this battle's done I bet he goes on vacation again.