The Third Week of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE 3 Tournament.
~Week 3~[]
Battle 1: RollTheBones vs. Realo[]
~The Score~
RollTheBones: 7
Realo: 8
~The Raps~
RollTheBones
Takin’ you to school like September and we’re happy to be rid of ya’
You’re the league’s ugliest member, you scare away chlamydia
In English it’s my mission to show you that our skills are a juxtaposition
Mine are the exhibition of demolition while yours are just apparitions
Algebraically it is essential that you understand all my credentials
My skills grow in ways exponential while yours have no potential.
In current events you’re debating for the right to be a gay groom
I’d have a gym class joke here but you only “come” for the change room
Get your ass to detention, don’t make me mention a suspension
Hopefully you paid attention and have some retention of my lesson
Enough of the concept, you’ve got a feel of my skills, they’re unreal bro
My technique is just ideal so now you can that see shit just got real, O!
Realo
Why the hell would I need algebra to understand your diction?
You're trying to hard to make clever rhymes out of your shitty fiction
The witty's missin, if I'm chlamydia then it's for sure a fact
That the only STD your sorry ass has never gotten was a "clap"
Bricks and bats... to ya skull, so if this is your September
Then call me Wyclef Jean cuz I'll be gone until November
Remember, Board 8 member, you can quickly get dismembered
A contender? I can get this pretender tendered in a blender
He misremembers his gender, he don't want the drama sender
Kiss my shiny metal ass, call me Rodriguez comma Bender
So surrender... quit all the talk about school and detention
Cuz gym class is all you passed; you had good "anal retention"
RollTheBones
I’ll continue your education with my sensational revelations
My vocation is annihilation while yours seems to be lyrical constipation
Historically you’re just a foot note like Genghis Khan’s shoe size
Metaphorically, I hit like the holocaust where 6 million jews died
Philosophically I’m unheard of like leavin’ Descartes confused
An impossibility that’s occurred, my rhymes leave great minds bemused.
I’m astronomically in control - a genius supernova named Roll
Swallow planets whole, while you’re less bright, and suck more than a black hole
Got time for one last class for your whack ass to see if you’ll pass
But the forecast sure looks bad, the best lines you amassed are surpassed.
I’ll leave you broken and chokin’ with all the lines that I’ve spoken,
I spit pure fire so hot and provoking that it makes Digi start smokin’
Realo
Congratulations R-T-B, you brought out the violent me, aint nobody leavin'
The Pat Riley of Board 8, puttin Heat across the chest of everybody breathin'
I'm believin', your dramatic thematics are lackin' in the seasonin'
I'm the King of Pop, they call all my automatics Mr. Jackson for a reason
Commiting treason with the King of static, you're a fanatic little heathen
Leavin you steamin like Willie Beamen, idiosyncratic to your screamin'
The schematics of Illmatic are pragmatic to this charasmatic diplomatic
To being "Ill" you're asymptomatic, you're simply an axiomatic asthmatic
You can't understand language this traumatic like I'm Austro-asi-atic
Lyrics stuck inside you prostatic, me winning's becoming dog-matic
You wanted to go against the great one well I told you can have it
Got more lines than double rainbows, your bars are all monochromatic
Battle 2: Wigs vs. ExTha[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Wigs
Time to see ExTha why I am The Champion, gonna Tie You Down (or maybe your Mother)
One Vision says gonna Kill you like a Queen, but Make you Bite The Dust, another
Don't Stop Me Now if you wanna go clean, Keep Yourself Alive, if you Wanna Live Forever
This double act is only for me to be seen, and for you to be feelin' Under Pressure
You're rappin' BLIND if you think I won't sweep, more visually impaired than Leela
What Imma put you in is real knee-deep, reminded of Portugal and North Korea?
Readin' your shit makes me sick in my sleep, incurable with a panacea,
Falls apart fast and its real damn cheap, and wobbly like the shit from IKEA
Close your eyes n' get ready to pucker, cuz you cant face my sour candy
You won't be able to handle this "sucker", like Cena repeatedly scours Randy
Send you into spastics like Chris Tucker, I'm fightin' cool like Jackie Chan, see
S'why you got no girl beggin' to fuck her, better ask Warning how to get a handy
ExTha
They call me Harry Potter see, coz of my linguistic wizardry.
You slip trippin' all over ya words like you playin' a game a' verbal twister, B.
Fact's that you lackin' phonetically
and I'm bout to wax more poetically than Mister 3!
Mr. please realize you tried too hard with too much thematic non sense,
and it's constant, ya face makes skirts wanna zip up and join convents.
Mr. Wiggs, fan of Mets with his NL vote that's gonna be wasted.
I cop your doc claim all day and kill mid afternoon coz I'm fuckin' day-vig.
I'm a serial killa' in a house of vanilla. Blood spilla'. No man can claim illa'...
than the dude who'll drop you in 20 off the bench like Cesc vs. Villa.
So I'd surrender to my villainy, coz too much of me is bad for yer health.
Nickname'd ExLax 'coz one round vs. me'll have ya shittin' yerself.
Wigs
You proven one thing, that'll be heard around the globe
That your idea of bling is donning a wizard's cap and robe
You gotta being so felled, like some spectral decorum
A rap easily dispelled with my Expecto Patronum
From hearin my spell, you'll end up dead or much worse
Welcome to Hell, via Unforgivable Verse
Then in my maf' scene, there'll be no recess
Jus' a funeral, departed Queen, or more likely Princess
Day-vig today? I got you at bay, this'll be a cinch
4 left to play, I'm BP SK, so I think I'll No Lynch!
Here I got untoppable fame, 'long with buddy Boko
Instead beat YOU at YOUR own game, fell my RKO.
ExTha
Your verse left us flaccid, with an unrealistic limp dick.
So sit back coz I'm bout to kick that ill linguistic pimp shit.
My words will have the crowd rockin', all the ladies ridin' my Johnson,
they'll be suckin' my shit and, your words'll have us straight joyrock responsin'.
"Wrong, try again kid." hits you, and we can all see that you're lost and
I'm more bomb than what Emm-Dub-Cee wants done to Boston.
I'm the boss and, this yer death sentence to "I'm gettin' MURKED" Row.
Because ExTha's more pimp than the evolution of Murkrow.
Head honcho of this game, yo. Did you just seriously hit me with an R-K-O?
Coz that shit's half assed, so sit your whack ass back and learn from the master of that craft.
I'll have to laugh in this aftermath when I remember I'm top tier and you're mentally half mast.
And bring Boko all you want... coz you proved in matches with 2 versus, yer still handicapped!
Battle 3: jdizzy vs. MysteriousStan[]
~The Score~
jdizzy: 4
MysteriousStan: 10
~The Raps~
MysteriousStan
A trial by fire is how this all started
Bow your heads now for the dearly departed.
Cause I got that Top Shot like Vash the Stampede
Indeed my speed made you concede as ya bleed
Quicker n’ liquor downed by a desperate slut – ya light flickers
Snicker as I throw ya in the scrap heap for the American Pickers
Or pawn ya ass off to Rick and Big Hoss
Sign says “Couldn’t Sell” – a financial loss
An’ pissed off like the Ice Road Truckers in the middle of summer
Joined the Modern Marvels so this ain’t gonna be another bummer.
Gather round jdizzy - slain by Stan of Mystery
In case that wasn’t clear, he’s History.
jdizzy
Its no mystery that im gonna put ya body in a hearse
Your first verse was hella boring, that's why the history theme works
My swag is futuristic son, like i hopped out the delorian
While you rapping to cavemen and i bet you hear them snoring huh?
Yawn, you made this shit too easy
and id go shit yo girl but she really dont please me
i dug that bitch out like a palaeontologist
then got all up in her head like a fucking psychologist
My name aint MARTY but my style is kinda FLY
Your rhymes are OLD like BIFF bitch let me tell you why
I knew my lines would leave you cut and in need of a suture
Cause you stuck in the past while im back in the future
MysteriousStan
Jdizzy all caught up in that futuristic wave
Don’t ya know through history the future was paved?
But if you like playing in the dirt you should be Chasing Mummies
Or maybe not - Dr. Hawass can’t stand you dummies.
Like Mr. Rogers said – “Welcome to the land of Make Believe”
Cause you’re fucking a girl only you conceived.
I’m single baby, and will be for life - fucking girls left n’ right
And when they look at you they’ll say “what a sorry sight”
Two strikes deep – better make the next swing count
I’m like the Yankees – a challenge you can’t surmount
Cause your previous verse is barely keepin’ ya afloat
Cursed to go oh n’ five – just like the Cubs and their Billy Goat.
jdizzy
Thank you for waiting patiently, id applaud your persistence
But like a lamb to the slaughter your offering no resistance
You keep coming back for more, sir are you a masochist?
the thrashing im dishing out to you is equal to a fist...
In your ass, I spit fast, suckering sackatash
My Tunes are loony, yours is like tuna that gone bad
It stinks to high heavens, pe-pe le-pew
you always chasing the bitch but the bitch evades you
Its true how you say your gonna be single for life
the reason is, cause no girl will stay witchu passed half a night
when you pull out little porky they laugh like its a joke
put they clothes on and end it like "thats all folks!"
Battle 4: Boko vs. Cokes[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Boko
i'm a savior on this board, you're just fodder that i slay
should be on your knees to pray, you suck more than sasha grey.
don't even need to play the day, already scanned you scum
you're nick c. without a drum, worse than link with no item.
worst user on this forum, you're the level of a slime
i'm 99 with Oppy Lime, and he's takin' me through time~
hate to break it to ya cokes, and i'm sorry to your folks
but just like Roe spoke I'm gonna break yo mamma's yolks
and it's true that it's a crime, but so is you tryin' to rhyme.
sho' this took long as peacetime, but this flow will not no-show
you can't handle my shit, no, you're a low flow coke-ho
so go back to your blow, my fans know save_us.boko.
Cokes
Congrats on writing the most boring verse that I've ever read
I couldn't write rhymes that uninteresting with a gun to my head
Callin' yourself a 'savior' with a showin' like that's hilarious
Gotta bring your best 'gainst me, 'cause bitch I'm nefarious
Your verbal diarrhea can't hope to touch this sickness,
this quickness, I'm sendin' you away like a Jehovah's Witness
And I am like Link, cuttin' through the battlin' crowd
I'm so far above y'all that i'm slicin' right through clouds
Got people hooked on Cokes, gotta write what they want
So many lines on the table, it's snow white like Vermont
You can crack eggs, I got lyrical crack to be snorted
By the end of this match, you'll wish you were aborted
Boko
i am the bane to your game, my lyrics put you to shame
flow is my claim to fame, "not worthy" is your surname.
like daggers my words'll maim, just one jab and it's lights-out
not close; will be a blowout, flow finer than final bout
hits come hard as i roll out, like luda i'm number one.
you're a gunner with no gun, i'm atlas liftin' the sun
fearsome as 'tilla the hun, i'm a duke kicking your ass
your skills i simply outclass, knock you out like i'm teargas.
you ain't nothin' but a lass, battle you like i am ash
afterward you feel whiplash, i hit hard like a car crash.
beat you down like hulk smash, you're as tough as wet paper.
should i be impressed that you can slice through vapor?
Cokes
You took a whole verse to respond to one diss, what a bore
Such a whore, couldn't beat me if I gave you eleven more
You talk about blowouts, but there's no need to mislead
The only thing blowin' out are your tires at my speed
I've been killin' rappers so long, dead count's in Roman numerals
Over the years, sent so many MCs to their funerals
So really Boko, we don't need this match to continue
Seems pretty clear there's one ace - me - and one has-been - you
Now that this is over we can get your body bagged
You tried to outrap the king, wound up with your toe tagged
So can someone have the cops call in a 1-8-7?
'Cause Boko's just been murdered by Cokes311
Battle 5: Pats D vs. fetus[]
~The Score~
Battle 6: Biolizard vs. Mer[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
Biolizard
I've heard about you kid, and I'll admit, I'm impressed
A newbie rises to the challenge and trumps all of the rest
A legend in the making, to be known on every street
I have on good authority you've got some sick beats
Got friends in the back alleys, the street corners too
Ain't a single fucker out there who ain't heard of you
Your skills on the mic, well, they really aren't the best, y'know
But like I said before, you are a master of fellatio
Ain't a single rhyme you expressed suggests that you can best me
You aren't fooling anyone, you cannot hope to test me
A fledgling cut down before he earned his big boy pants
Slink back to your corner, you had no chance
Mer
Call me HIM, bitch, cause I raise hell quick,
My shit's tight, your rhymes lamer than PELSWICK,
Eat up all these rappers like they're COWs & CHICKENs,
Don't call me OTTO ROCKET cause I'm not about trickin',
like TINO and CARVER I end the weak,
Fucked your dad on the beach, call it SANDY CHEEKS,
Flow like ICKIS, Aaahh!!! I'm so real,
and I don't deal with bitches like STEVE- I mean, BILL,
you're angry like DAGGETT tryin' to call me f*****,
My flow's VON STRANGLE, I am magic, m*****!
bruise like BIG PATTY, make wounds and they fester
Bio, you are STYOOOPID! I tell ya like DEXTER.
Biolizard
Like the cartoons you cling too, it's all gone downhill
You have the desire, but you don't have the skill
Wish to play with the big boys, provin' your worth
But the gravity of these lyrics drag you back down to Earth
I'm a force to be reckoned with, a man without an equal
The original masterpiece to your half-hearted sequel
Throw you in the river like an unwanted daughter
Cryin to your father like your last name is Slaughter
My lyrics read like poetry, you look like a spoof
If you thought you stood above me, boy, you dun goofed
You're just another player, but I am the game
Defy me and consequences will never be the same
Mer
Fuckin' with me? Man, you could be wiser,
Upgrade the haters, I got fuckin' despisers,
Claim that you can rap? Don't be Twisted, Dee Snyder
Killin' all these bitches, call me Mike-y Meyers,
You could get AIDS and still never be sick,
Only thing softer than your rhymes is your dick,
Unexpected, you can call me Kanye East,
Better sit down, Mer's a motherfuckin' beast,
I am up so high, call me the skyscraper,
Told you your shit's weak, no toilet paper,
Callin' the whole board to serve as my witness,
Here's another name I can check off my hit list.
Battle 7: Curt vs. Aeon Azuran[]
~The Score~
Curt: 7
Aeon Azuran: 10
~The Raps~
Curt
Not to condescend but in the end a breeze it was to ascend,
There's a reason I'm a legend, and to battle you I must descend.
My friend you can't defend my rhymes and I can see you're rattled,
Beat me? That'll be the day; I'll slaughter you like cattle.
I'll smash you with your own last verse 'n render you immoble.
Disperse that trash 'n rip it up then blast you with a*1 bible.
call me Devil, now they revel as they see thee hammered,
Believe they clamor to up my level as BEAST: kelsey grammer.
I assist as your psychiatrist, don't think your crap has shit on this.
Insist he needs a title change from rapper to receptionist.
A-A*2 'clapper' wit-his mouth open, I throw out conditions: 'r*****'
Witness this dick in position to blow his fucking brains out, I come hard.
- 1: a pronouced 'uh' in stead of 'ah'
- 2: 'ah ah' stuttering, like 'a clapper'
Aeon Azuran
“Come hard”? Flirt! Allow me to be curt: A squirt in your skirt just ain’t gonna hurt.
With flow so inert you’re not alert for my re-‘torte’; Once the ball’s in my court I eat your verse for dessert.
You rhyme slow, slower than a slideshow. Kelsey Grammer? You belong in a sideshow, Bob.
Facing me gave you a woody, you had plenty of footies*1 but couldn’t even find yourself a handjob.
You’re a master of asterisks who can’t master the diss. That’s where I’m the pimp, slave, get your gimp suit on.
Take your big black dildo, I know you like to fill slow but don’t be still, it’s gonna thrill yo ass until dawn.
Put a show on for my customers, it’s unrehearsed and so perverse you’d be surprised it’s on air live – coerced to have it televized
There’s no misconception, I’m in charge of reception; Hi-def so everyone sees the distress in your eyes.
But Curt, you’re still a legend, no mortal species! I humbly request that we test my prediction:
You bring drama to the board like flies to feces; When I beat you will you have another conniption?
You claimed favoritism, insulted the league, the injustice perceived had you waxin’ poetic
But when you emailed and begged me to let you back in was when you were most pathetic!
Curt
I fell asleep to that last crime, it felt like I lost track of time, let's see how many lines can rhyme
cheap thrills I guess but let's rewind -- 24 lines combined 'n STILL not half as good as one of mine.
No more messin' around see; scared? better start with yer reverse,
depressin that they all concur how clowned you were by the first verse.
flow stacked and ready, vicious rush to go arrest your cardiac
spittin' hard attack to crush your rack 'n let you rest wit' bernie mac.
strong willed enough to exact one more track? son you should abort 'em
you'll be killed 'n look like michael jack-son viewed post mortem
Bitches flock around me cuz my words show how much skill you lack,
he's dead 'n I still fuck his skull, call me a necrophiliac.
Put you in a remote control 'n use it to mute your vocal cords
Close your throat, tis' true drama, but at least I bring SOMETHING to the board.
Aeon Azuran
You can’t take my full length so I’m spittin’ faster, shorter
Deconstruct the way you sucked by rippin’ out the mortar
Exposed the flaws, now you’re getting’ stressed at all you’re lackin’ in.
What I bring to the board? Try the contest that you’re rappin’ in.
“Mute” me ‘till your finger’s sore, mine still soar across my keys
Spellin’ "doom" I weave a loom of lyrical fatalities
that leaves you threadbare. Need a tailor? Leave and head there
While my automatic rap keeps addin’ static to your dead air.
Your first two lines were shallow, less than pale imitation.
Don’t let your skills lie fallow when they need some irrigation
from my skull; It’s unapproachable, these Jaws loose abuse in a flood
Remove Curt from the kiddie pool, this shark’s got a taste of his blood.
Battle 8: Rusty vs. Seginustemple[]
~The Score~
Rusty: 1
Seginustemple: 9
~The Raps~
Rusty
Right hook right off tha get go, knock punch sends segnis out of tha ring
Usian in the house, breakin’ records what I do here just like in Beijing
Seggy, you better pay attention now, you may just learn something
To simply read your only battle, i suffered of Seginustemple fatigue
You should follow in the footsteps of WingedInsignia, get outta tha league
O’er hell and get high, help ya hold back your fears
Victory is my future; you’re in for some tears
Earthquakes we make, this battle’s for the ages
Rusty vs. Seg is like Chaos against 2 white mages
Sundown’s approaching; the real star will arrive soon
Either that or the king of the sea, loaded with harpoons
Get your cameras ready, I stompin’ like this won’t happen again til june
Seginustemple
boy, that was too much mental damage for any fan to see
don't need sigmund frued to tell you're spellin out a fantasy
and you be puddle deep in subtlety but my rebuttal be silently virulent
the black plague's back, baby, aint enough coffins to pile in
so I'll slam you brain first in a hearse, I'm often shoveling the pale
and hammerin out insane verses that hurt worse than rusty nails
pleas for mercy fail, I bust out gold cups like holy grails like "bring out your dead"
I'll rip you up repping a hail of growlin howitzers in a flower's stead
you're steppin in led showers rusty, you just a powerless metal head
who can't hang when I make it rain and I'm made of vibranium, flames high like filet mignon
stainless and maiming every hater that makes me famous
play so grand I make contra bland, that's how hard my game is
Rusty
Contra wouldn’t be so hard, if you didn’t use the konami code
If your game were anything like mine, you’d play on super hard mode
Now you should follow in my footsteps, it’s time to hit the road
My raps will be hitting so hard, it makes oliphaunt’s head explode
Hopefully by your next verse, Pats D will follow your flow
My punches will make your brain worse than mine, bro
This match should be an episode on pros vs. joes
Since all tha critics compare me to the eminem show
Now it’s time for you to r.i.p. when I drop the glock
Defeating you by 5 and that wolf beard you rock
For the six degrees of inner turbulence will put you in posthumous shock
DT representin’, seggy your weak raps on tha clock
Seginustemple
rusty has all these rules and he thinks they'll save him
my tool will crush his theater of dreams causing it to cave in
a schism in the system from my risen fist and wit blistering
pissed off insisting this ***** piss off and desist existing
so you say oliphaunt's exploding? that's insane, plainly it's from rust
takes so much to ignite a guy that spontaneously combusts
but you can't legitimize a dim burst against this atomic song-sayer
in critics eyes you're slims worst - can't stand up to the long players
fair enough comparison, you're the wrong stuff, a careless embarrasment
beware this: I'm garrulous and rarely I spare a diss, bury the pairless like aequitis and veritas
it's perilous to blame me when you inevitably lose this one
cuz with a name like rusty I can guess what the excuse is, son
Battle 9: Menji vs. Ed Bellis[]
~The Score~
Menji: 3
Ed Bellis: 11
~The Raps~
Menji
Eddy! With that Bizarro face, you a superman wannabe like Sloth
Here’s Menji in flight - the butterfly, while you a wingless moth
Can’t fly! So travel like Data and you’ll get called by every ref
I’m hanging you up in beta - leavin’ you with the babysitter Stef
Describing you is easy: pale with braces, the same as Mikey
Too skinny to truffle shuffle, but my Mouth says “just do it” - like Nike
My rhymes make you cry, a Chunk without his Baby Ruth candy
I never say die, I am the Babe, the Goonie emcee Andy
Spit your rhymes out and I’ll eat them like they’re Raisin Bran
Raps dried up and stale, hear the siren wail – bombin’ like Japan
Trapped! I’ll send you a guide dog - hope you don’t go silly
‘Cause I took your eye, Ed Bells – you the next One-Eyed Willy
Ed Bellis
You had to specify 'can't fly' as if 'wingless' wasn't sufficient
Had to say you 'took my eye' when 'One Eyed Willy' gets a reference
I suppose it's only fair that since you're mentally deficient
You assume that everybody else has 'stupid' as a preference
Menji's like the Anti-Nike, the Bizarro Bellis Blues
Motivating all the children with two simple words: 'Just don't'
And if Kryptonite's the only thing that Superman eschews
I could blow up this Bizarro with my pinky – but I won't
'stead I'll beat you till you're drowning in a river of your tears
There's a lesson that's I'm stressing in the midst of all of this
If you're paralyzed by doubtfulness and struggling with fears
Ask 'Could I beat Menj at Rapping?' and the answer's probably 'Yes.'
Menji
Those rhymes are repulsive! A lady growin’ Jumanji down there
Beware and forgive me if by bestowin’ - my raps cut you unaware
That poetic assist tilts the show in my favor, my very first kiss
I insist you call your fans IF they exist before you subsist
I have the fans understood and they’re with me ‘til the end
A lyrical cult of brotherhood - you couldn’t even comprehend
No friends is what bogs you, mine surround me like the fog
I’m putting the pressure on you like the jump in leap frog
Better yet, I’m the debt collectors on your lyrical finance
I’m seeing the future in one glance – “you in a fetal stance”
Still givin’ you a chance once I finish peepin’ this narrative
Knowing you’ll lose is my moral imperative
Ed Bellis
You talk about imperative but you Kant quite understand
These linguistics ain't comparative – yours suck and mine are grand
You've got narrower grooves than a minor DNA strand
If you had any great moves they're like your fetushood - unplanned
Understand? I'm like Jumanji so you better roll the dice
I'll spell it out in kanji: <Sayonara, it's been nice>
Gonna ice you like a statue so you'll be even more a poseur
Collect my debts? I'll stab you off so hard it's like four closures
Comin' at ya like bulldozers (don't worry, you can't get any flatter)
It's kinda like hypnosis – I don't mind and you don't matter
So scatter like confetti at my victory celebration
And make like Ugly Betty in the rot of cancellation.
Battle 10: Justin Crossing vs. Warning_Crazy[]
~The Score~
Justin Crossing: 3
Warning_Crazy: 11
~The Raps~
Justin Crossing
so wc, how's it goin; is there anythin new
have you recently taken a blowjob or two
do you pretend that your girl's a pokemon licking your dick
if you do i hope your rhydon rides your disco stick
i won't even have to bring out any weapons
if your rhydon decides to attack, i'll watch with some bourbon
i've got a friend who's a nurse who's doing me a service
she's scanning the hospital for your broken pelvis
and make sure you don't forget to wear some protection
rhydon's weak to water moves, it could even cause some conception
actually what would it be like for half wc half rhyhorn
he'd probably adore it, it's like his usual porn
Warning_Crazy
Man, of all the people to come at my about my girl
Its JC who decided to give this tired approach a whirl
My girlfriend is one of the hottest chicks in this land
The closest thing JC got is his left hand
Perhaps JC might eventually follow his houndoom
Be attracted by a grimer, and than into the gloom
But anything would have to be better than his current fate
To be a member of the country which everyone hates
Canadians, i despise everything about them
From their GMUNs to their Crosbys to their national gem
JC, the pride of a nation, a responsibility weighty
Hell, the countries that pity them include the DRC and Haiti
Justin Crossing
so it's just as i said you enjoy pokemon
by calling her hot you profess love to rhydon
maybe when she gets older she'll evolve into something superior
the extremely bulky hulk otherwise known as rhyperior
and don't go insulting my freakin sweet homeland
we laugh while your cities flood from fat peoples' sweat glands
hurricane katrina was actually just a cover
it was just rhydon having a critical hit with thunder
soon enough new york won't be there much longer
or so the scale says, it won't satiate your hunger
and the true cause of rising waters isn't the glaciers calving
it's your country slowly sinking to cope with your craving
Warning_Crazy
Man your view of fat is more terrible than SephG
She measures in at 5 foot 8 and weighs 130
But that really isn’t whats important here
JC shows that he doesn’t know what to fear
To diss on the mother fucking U S of A
When all your country does is listen to us, eh?
I mean can you name a anything Canada has done?
I sat for 24 hours and couldn’t think of a single one
I guess your inferiority complex makes you lash out at your betters
It’s a pretty common thing among your type, bedwetters
I guess I’ve pretty conclusively proved that I am the better of the _Cs
But now we will now have something more: a voter decree
Battle 11: sonicblastpunch vs. Digi[]
~The Score~
sonicblastpunch: 9
Digi: 11
~The Raps~
sonicblastpunch
i'm sure you'll pooch this match so i don't feel the need to hound the thing
my furious finesse will be the flood that finds you floundering
it's sink or swim time and i'll watch you drown, my favourite visual
can't bob your head back up for air, you ain't no bobby digital
i'll terror-rza all that is that keeps you here -- you're stubborn but
there's nothing stopping me dropping you deader than kurt vonnegut
this jive is my slaughterhouse five unfazed by your children's crusade
your face looks like the aftermath of some rocket-propelled grenade
i'll fire that rpg straight downwards, blast your career straight earthbound
like broadcasting the humpty dance i'll send digital underground
no funeral forthcoming when there's no one here who holds you dear
just scorn for your three-minute raps and your fifteen-minute career
Digi
You had twelve lines to troll me grace us with your diction quotas
Then you shelve nine and roll three, out of place like an eviction notice
If you wanted to forefeit, shoulda said that's what you preferred
All you had to do was say the word so DI could leave your body on the curb
Dunno what was so absurd, I'ma stick my dick in your ear and fuck what ya heard
Tell the scene what occurred when your theme got blurred, without precision you slur
When I ream and I spurred your dream which deferred your scheme, my INCISION I confer.
Your lines are moving slow, rendering streams worse than that spoiler site
Mines improving flow, tendering schemed verse at up to ten megabyte!
Run you like a red light, sit down drop the mic, back off son and soothe yo vendetta
Son you like a dead knight, nothin' but a sad sight, a victim of my smooth operetta.
sonicblastpunch
hey, question -- what's a line length? oh, wait, you have no idea
no surprise the crowd hates you like kim jong-il hates south korea
no surprise your line of silence was the brightest thing you said
you stuffed a watch in your mouth and still couldn't keep time in your head
your set was better left unread, your reputation took a beating
when you left a line unsaid inside eleven not worth reading
for a verse so bad even its writer walked out partway through
you made yourself look flakier than colin baker's doctor who
or shakier than jake the snake at closing time, make no mistake
i'm going to crush your hopes and dreams like damien underneath earthquake
the natural disaster here: you took the name 'incision', but
you chose it despite knowing that you'll never, ever make the cut
Digi
The guy who is preaching line length can't keep his flow straight
He tries his hand at teachin rhyme strength, can't keep his flow great
You're about to go six feet under, 'cause your raps are slippin
Four lines into my rap and I've already got my clip in
I hold off on my good lines, hide 'em, and wait for you to doze
I must stash my rhymes like the hair between yo lip and nose
I'm getting dirty looks from hella haters and that smirk of yours
But I can take stares like the escalators don't work in stores
I'm rapping against morons, but Cokes keeps putting more on,
My raps is hard like boron, yours are just a bore, yawn
Try so hard to stick lines you didn't make you found in web searches
I get more sick lines by mistake than you'll ever get on purpose
Battle 12: Minipoooot vs. Chrono1219[]
~The Score~
Minipoooot: 9
Chrono1219: 0
~The Raps~
Minipoooot
Well I may be late to this game, but you still slower than slow
Playin' to win is my aim, all you can do is blow
Your lyrics are tamer than tame, mine got immaculate flow
Girls in bed yellin' my name, you can't even fuck a ho
You lookin' for someone to blame, scared when you against a pro
Your words are like Asians- all look the same, mine so asshole sick they glow
I arrived at this rap ready to play, spittin' words so tight even God would swear
I came prepared to slay, you can't do shit cause you got no pair
You best get down and pray, although bein' on your knees- you been there
Like AK-47 bullets my words spray, in the space-time continuum I cause a tear
You don't stand a chance in this fray, I'm the strike to your spare
I'm like Santa on my sleigh, you been so naughty I just burned you rare
Chrono1219
I was on a beech deep in meditation.
Then I got a vision of Midichlorian inspiration.
Your mind has been tricked, the kind of the Jedi Variety.
Masters for the force have deemed you unfit for Society.
All this time you'll be going "hand solo"
Moan to hard, hear a beep and blip "uh oh"
You got a light saber, but you use the wrong end.
Get your lube, spread it on, over and bend.
Scissors to your life line, snip and cut.
A bitch is gonna end you like Jabba the Hut
The council has spoken, and here's the news.
Excommunication from the rap battle, you lose.
Minipoooot
Bitch I'm like the Empire, I strike back hard and quick
You're the Phantom Menace, all you do is suck dick
Get on your knees and lick my lightsaber so thick
My jedi mind tricks gonna hit you harder than a brick
My splooge is like carbonite, gonna cover you with my sap
My saber will be in you before you know 'it's a trap'
Your mind runs slower than a constipated ewok's crap
Even Jar Jar would be annoyed with your rap
I find your lack of skills disturbing, gonna force choke your face
My skills are icy like Hoth, gonna freeze you in place
Compared to Episode II, you still a disgrace
Bitch you got no business here- get the shit out of space
Chrono1219
There's a flaw in your design, like the Death Star's.
Maybe that's why you like the tongue of Jar Jar's.
Running with your wingmen, Biggs and Wedge.
One is behind, and the other's getting head.
These are not the raps we're looking for, looks like you'll stay an apprentice.
Choose from a selection Jawa whores, Bow to your master on all fours.
Take one hard, gasp, and beg for more, while I take your girl on my starship.
Situation falling apart like the Jersey Shore, your not even worth putting in clone wars.
When people look at you they report a rakghoul sightng.
You look more lost than the Sequel trilogy writing.
Just go to sleep, you're clearly not good at fighting.
While in your dream, I'll have chicks cream, to my force lightning.
Battle 13: As I Desire vs. swordsman12[]
~The Score~
As I Desire: 4
swordsman12: 4
~The Raps~
As I Desire
boo! too bad for you, shoulda died of fright
now this fresh blight’s your plight, I am the nouveau might
a bigger shock than lightning strikes by magnemite –
go fly a kite! nah, I checked your weight, it’s light
your rhymes just petty crimes, no need to indict
in fact I’ll be slight with the spite, survey a softer sight
I’ll ask the queen about you, she’s nice: “he’s *****”
wow a mite impolite, but your majesty’s quite right
“I've MI-5 he'll lady di, now let me knight your white delight”
uh sorry liz I’ll miss my flight, good night.
see it ain't me: you're grade D by crown decree
so swordsman, keep the 1 and 2, 'cause I own 3.
swordsman12
Where’s the punch, what’s the matter? I thought this was a battle!
You’re breaking hearts of fans like Cobain in Seattle
cause they think that you’re on top as you’re dying in your castle.
The only way to thwart me is to report this, click “offensive”
Or I’ll go back to senior prom and tell your mom to abort kids, “but damn, it’s expensive!”
Like defects I contort ribs, leave you bent more than that fiver dollar whore did.
I’m the Vader to your Biggs, I blast your x-wing and leave you guessing
You failed in round one, there will be no further testing
This is my game and I’m the chess king, toy with you then to the next fling
The only time you spit hot lines is texting boys to request molesting
See your chest start to rattle, this is Redemption and you’re cattle
Lasso round your neck, give you my sword tip like Tatl .
As I Desire
two verses down (but really one) and this truth's holding still:
I'm as slick and you're as **** as a BP oil spill
I really should have known, mental midgets come up short
but now on to bigger news, check this special report:
so sick, AID's epidemic, drugs got no retort
you can't even make madagascar close the port.
your only chance for a comeback's the dawn of the dead
so sit back and relax while my undead gnaw on your head
I kid, much like girls do they'll leave you alone
the brainless can't make chicks OR zombies moan.
that's why FFD still couldn't free you from my resident evil
if you weren't too busy drinking *** then asking for a refill.
swordsman12
Alright listen, it’s time that I be fixin your ego that’s persistin’
There’s a certain aura ‘bout me when I’m dissin that you’re missin
Like I’m Jesus and you’re Christian, you’re the worm and I’ve gone fishin'
So you better start wishin that I let you keep existin’
Beating you is easy, like an AIDs-related gay joke
Is that sleazy skirt too breezy? I see your braids through my AK scope
Call me Ashton cause I’m punking you with lines so orgasmic that your trashbin’s filled with spunk and goo
You’re sunk, it’s through, you couldn’t win this if I got DQ’d
I don’t even need the keys, beat you with the mouse then leave your house doused in gasoline
I don’t need a match, my fire turns this to a tragic scene
You’ve been outdone so quit, it’s time I lit the J I rolled
I run this ****, call me Ari cause my lines are Gold.
Battle 14: Alec vs. Dilated Chemist[]
~The Score~
Alec: 14
Dilated Chemist: 14
~The Raps~
Alec
Equal parts flow and rhyme, I'm a rap Arnold Palmer
Last word on killa g's, like Jeff Dahmer's embalmer
See I been saving the league like ol' Mo Rivera
Burning bitches so hard I drive sales of aloe vera
Watch me drop Verbal twists, like I'm the Usual Suspects
'gainst a Chemist's "Dilated" from the hard end of buttsex
I'm spittin' flow that's so cold that I'm superconductin'
While there's nary a hole that you haven't been fucked in
Your situation is dire, one more misfire and we'll require you retire
You think you're on fire? I seen better shit writ by Stephenie Meyer
In your last battle you choked, what a joke, got your rap license revoked
Least now you show promise as a blunt, cuz boy you just got smoked
Dilated Chemist
I'll nail your ears to the east just so you can hear me right.
Battle DC the top emcee - bound to have a fear of heights!
Geared for fights, come near the mic and I'll drop your writs with an apocalypse.
Alec's style is monotonous - I'm here to top his shit with proper hits.
Fists of legend, not a myth - my punchline king status you'll never match.
I spit rawness with clever concepts that your whackness will never grasp
Sabotage your daring acts - dislodge all your thoughts, improbable or not.
When it comes to rhyming, I'm like Curt's whining - I'm impossible to stop!
You rap like anal sex, all shitty - should of came correct.
Thinkin' you can defeat me is like a deaf mute tryin' to claim Tourette!
I got this lame in check - like he's all outfitted in Nike.
Probably use my lines as a template cause I spit it this nicely!
Alec
I'm dropping phat like Al Roker, 'gainst these raps mediocre
Must be cause I'm so deck I gotta deal with these jokers
Like DC, Double Choker, Patron Saint of Polesmokers
Whose got lines defined by suck like they writ by Bram Stoker
Chemist's mouth competes with sperm banks, man it's vile all the jizz he's compiled
Coats his teeth with erotic deposits til he got a million dollar smile
Wants to weigh me down like Chris Reeves in a three legged race
Cuz when dealin' with burn surgeons, you just hope to save face
I'm bustin' ballads so bomb Bauer'd torture to find me
Rap's Rapture defined?--Me. So I'll ask won't you kindly,
Spare us from another, don't make us shiver and wince
Cuz I'll make this pig squeal like he's Beatty in Deliverance
Dilated Chemist
DC the relentless! I'll leave you battered and defenseless with severed appendages.
My weapons of essence splatter intestines for contestin' my blessed penmanship.
Defenseless peasants get scarred quick when I burst hearts and cartilage.
I've started bombardin' writs rockin' gauntlets and hardened armor, bitch!
I'll test this martyr quick, so here's my honest synopsis, get bruised and left topless.
With a steel bar to your knees and optics, I'll roast this goblin and his known accomplices!
You're now my hostage, blast through cinder, static and ashes - fuck your advances.
You're fire inside gets diffused after I force feed you antacid tablet kits!
Alec's behaving oddly - writing about vampires, gays and sodomy.
I'll end your odyssey when I lodge 6 slugs deep in your arteries.
Hold the applause's please! Offered him some gauze to stop the bleed.
You're a fraud to me, so if you change your mind - I don't offer lobotomies!
Battle 15: Forceful Dragon vs. Giggsalot[]
~The Score~
Forceful Dragon: 0
Giggsalot: 5
~The Raps~
Forceful Dragon
FD's back from vacation; you'll wish I'd stayed there.
I'm the newest sensation with more tricks than Dave Blair
Your ass is facin a cremation so you'd best say prayers
Understand your frustration cause this shit just ain't fair
Cause I'm the toughest act that you'll never follow
You couldn't thrill a pub, but I could pack Apollo
Be smart and just quit it beats death all hollow
I rock Geno Whirl crits, you're a weak ass Mallow
I wanted a Nordic bout with Giggs
But only I brought down the thunder
Thought we were supposed to trade digs
But you're already six feet under
Giggsalot
Yo man, I might be six feet under but I'm diggin' this grave for you
Cos Giggs be turnin' battling into an art form, call me Sun Tzu
I'll take your ass to the cleaners; with Giggs the grass is always greener
See I'll torture you and murder you, surpassing misdemeanors
Clip your wings like blackbirds, this dragon flightless like emus
FD, that verse was so backwards you should've typed it in Hebrew
Your rhymes faker than Xenu - this match more black and white than checkers
When I'm done they'll have to identify your corpse by dental records
And if we're getting all Viking, man, watch as I rape and pillage
I'll ransack your tiny village, raps blacker than an oil spillage
I'll strike you down with Mjöllnir, hit hard as a cyclone
And kill all that you hold dear from my new Valhalla throne.
Battle 16: BBallman vs. foolmo[]
~The Score~
~The Raps~
BBallman
You can't beat me, and that shit don't happen often,
It's like playing hide and seek against Osama Bin Laden,
For me there's no stoppin' I'll put you in a coffin,
You'll look like Hiroshima after these bombs I'm droppin'.
This game you ain't winning, so you outta be nice,
You got better odds at hitting the lottery twice,
Your flow has not impressed, seems like Barney on ice,
And you don't make any sense, like Chinese without rice.
You wouldn't be a foolmo if you just retreated,
Because I have schooledmo' people than teachers,
Anyone who said you're good simply hasn't been honest,
You're like a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest.
foolmo
I don't care, if it's rare, your defeat will happen now let's be frank
Don't need infrared to detect your rotten coward stank
I like the odds you're giving me, in ten jackpots already swimming, see
Don't need legs when your ass kicks itself 'n girls always walkin' up to me
No such thing as sloppy seconds when the first gets rejected
Whistle for a cab, or rather a medic, with my lyrical virus you've been infected
save_us.fool is ineffective, your registry is defective
Killed under my directive, this case needs no detective
Praised by the collective, I'm the perp, I confess to my greatness
Your lines are herp a durr derp, mine go swish, swish, never miss
You wish you were were a Ballman, can't shoot or score but you sure can suck
Man, what the fuck? You think you can beat me, you're nothing but a fool, good luck
BBallman
I'll break this clown's face like I got a lead pie,
Only way you comin' first is if you fuck a dead guy.
Cuz I'm gunnin' for the top, holdin' no bars,
Took your shots, no scars; no cuts so far.
It's like the hero is dead, and you're the lonely sidekick,
Maybe that's why you're on a loss only diet.
Fuck with me, don't try it, you won't survive it,
Many men have died quick from my divine shit.
And your verse was like a virus, but that ain't gonna stop me,
No detective hired cuz they can't identify your body.
And Foolmo's opinions suck, I'll sum it up: he fails
Worse than Bio thinking tough guys beat up females.
foolmo
And here I thought I would be seeking my prey
But your rap's not only reeking, shining a double failbow ALL THE WAY
You think you're unbeatable like you're high on nanomachines
GW's dead, unbelievable, I'm FoxDIE, can't skip your death cutscenes
My lines will SHOCK, like lightning, executing you will make me inFamous
But who gives a fuck? You're not frightening, already threw you under the Crazy Bus
Bleep boop-a doop, only your raps could sound more shitty
Take off that skirt and make-up, nobody thinks you're pretty
Glad this round's over, reading your shit always makes me spit up
This win is sweeter than fucking maple syrup
It was a good endeavor, but this ain't the special olympics
You're never ever clever, go back to banging fat chicks