Board 8 Wiki

The First Week of Board 8 RAP BATTLE: tha LEAGUE Tournament.

~Week 1~[]

Battle 1: Dilated Chemist vs TheLastOblesik[]

~The Score~

Dilated Chemist: 25
TheLastOblesik: 10

~The Raps~

Dilated Chemist
Ladies and Gents, myself I present: the next step in evolution.
Call me adept, the secret best kept - when it comes to rhyme execution.
You're just an illusion, illegal intrusion of the blessed and the damned.
A photo sham, you're gonna get cramps like a girl named Holly Graham.
In my book of rhymes I commit crimes with metaphoric lines.
Deaf or blind, if I have the time I could even spit in signs.
I'll shoot your mind with rounds of audacity to blast at thee.
Turn a thirty-five man calvary to Thirty-five. Dead. Casualties.
I twist lyrics, together put words - so fantastically.
You're in a trance if you think you stand a chance at out-rappin' DEE.
SEE, when I'm done your appearance will have changed drastically.
That's what happens to those who **** around and try to battle me!

You talk evolution but here comes a mutation
TLO will soon be giving DC constipation
I come full force cause man I ain't messing
I may be an illusion but beat you can keep your ass guessing
If you call yourself a Chemist then your flow will have to wait
Go back to your kinetics and work on your work rate
I'll be rising in the fire and you wanna talk photos? Stop.
Your rhymes are so fake you spit worse than Photoshop
You claim you got the book but man I pack a tome
To eradicate you army and take it to your dome
Use your illusion son, the win ain't yours to have
Stop wasting my time man, get your ass back in the lab

Dilated Chemist
Don't worry, folks - I'm takin' nothin' he says to the heart.
I'm just gonna print out his raps and tear that **** apart!
Where do I start? You came lame and came weak... you're the last obsolete.
When my lines shine on your screen they'll leave you blind for a week!
You dance to the wrong beat and you strung the wrong cord.
You'd be better off not replyin' and hidin' your keyboard!
From smokey lungs to tips of tongues, I spit the sick **** like mucus.
TLO you couldn't 'strike back' even if you were George Lucas!
Cause my words hit harder than any punch you can deliver.
Deteriorating your health quicker than the effect of liquor on the liver!
I don't mean to bicker but son you've just been defeated.
Your rhymes are so whack your computer tries to delete it!

Son I expected better but you ain't instigating
Tonight you'll be the one for elimination
Don't hate on my keystyle cause where are you going?
It's not my fault you spent all night strokin
DC thinks he gots TLO one and done
But strike me down and I've become more powerful than I've become
Have you learned from the lab? Are you a true chemist?
Nah your rhymes are weaker than the Phantom Menace
Time to take you to the arcades for the Final Burn
Cause like Episode 6 son I will return
Let the truth be told and just so your knowing
Make like H and O gas and start DEEcomposing

Battle 2: PukeInMyPot vs CountCrazy007[]

PukeInMyPot defeats CountCrazy007 by forfeit (disqualification).

Battle 3: Sir Chris vs Crono801[]

Sir Chris defeats Crono801 by forfeit (disqualification).

~The Raps~

Sir Chris
Dustin’ off my rhymes for one more battle
Gonna endure this idiot’s prattle
Tryin’ to impress you with off-beat rhymes
His lack of skill worthy of the ‘York Times
I know what you are about – ****ing ****
Knocks against my person I won’t permit
That’s right – Your ideas are now vetoed
I’m Al Pacino you are Devito
You are the comedy option of this
Nothing but a joke compared to Sir Chris
So now it is your turn to bring your heat
I look forward to your utter defeat.

Battle 4: Menji76 vs nintendogirl1[]

~The Score~

Menji76: 0
nintendogirl1: 22

~The Raps~

1...2...3... Nintendogirl is not ready for me.
Girls don't play games but I do
They should be in the kitchen makin' my fondue
I'm Menji the one, and only
People take one look and know you're phony
Bet ya didn't even know Playstation was made by Sony
You put Nintendo in your name
but Super Mario is only a game
I bet you thought eating those flowers
Would give you fire powers
But they didn't and as you cowered
you were rained on by my rap shower.

17 hours and you came up with that?
What were you doing, you chauvinistic prat?
I should be in the kitchen, I don't know how to game?
You're trying to rate me by an internet name?
Well I got a message so in the future you know,
You can't mix me up with some other dumb ho.
I got more skills, an' I have made more kills,
On any FPS than you've worked supermarket tills,
1,2,3, so you learnt to count I see,
But go back to school you need lit-er-a-cy.
So have another go kid, I'm waiting right here,
Ngirl is waiting and she ain't got no fear.

Take it easy, I've been gone all day
I'm not BK, you can't have it your way
And what's with the questions?
It must be a disease
Acting like it'll infect your intestines.
 ***** please.
That rap was something you'd hear out fishin'
Your granpda would say, sit back and listen
And teach me about an FPS
you're not my teacher, this ain't a test
So chill, sit back, relax and don't fret that I ruined your plan
You're not Lex Luthor, but I'm Superman.

Gone all day? What a great excuse.
We all know you were hiding in the refuse.
That must be why you stank it up so bad.
A rap like that makes the rank feel sad.
And Superman, are you delirious?
Try Lois Lane if you are serious.
But I don't need to be anybody else,
'Cos I can kick your ass just being myself.
Stop asking questions? Just answer a few,
Don't cower about like that scum LeFou,
It went down to the wire, now face the fire,
'Cos I just built you a damned good pyre.

Battle 5: Aeon Azuran vs WiggumFan[]

~The Score~

Aeon Azuran: 10
WiggumFan: 19

~The Raps~

Aeon Azuran
Welcome to the RAP BATTLE -- Insert Coin to Play
You’ll blow through yo quarters against Double A
I’m a ghost and you’re cornered with no power pellet
Defeat’s in the air so thick you can smell it
I’m the host, the master, you’re weak and you’re bloated
Each game we play’s fixed, all the dice are loaded
Your next post will be destroyed, you’ll be owned with aplomb
Drop rhymes so hard you’ll think you got set up the bomb --
I’m the most explosive rapper that you’re likely to meet
So turn the WiggumFan to “high” or it might overheat
And sweat it out so much that at the end of the day
When I’m through with Wigs he’ll need another toupée

Here begins the saga of the match against the teacher
A cop to creature showdown of this epic double feature
Let me spell it it out for you, the founder of this game.
You'll go down in history, the first victim of my fame.
Your rhyming's more off balance than Yao Ming dancin' limbo,
You call yourself an Aeon, but I don't even see Yojimbo.
While I'm crushing you with my rhymes of endless stature,
You'll be layin' goose eggs, cuz you're no Billy Hatcher.
So if you think I'll be sweating at the end of this here fight
Then you'll be explodin', babe, when I rap my dyna-might!
They call me Wigs, and I'm gonna show you why today,
Cuz you're in my wig store now *****, and you've got no way toupée!

Aeon Azuran
Listen to the teacher 'cause class is back in session
Watch close as I school you with one last lesson
Kick yo ass so hard the only fame ya get’s infamy
Got the world’s smallest violins here in symphony
To eulogize your thrashing up against the masta.
With yo flow so slow I think molasses passed ya
You try to impress me with an FFX reference
But my stomach’s iron and I eat that **** for breakfast.
When I’m rappin so ill I decimate yo frail swill
Just shilled a billion gil for Yojimbo’s one hit kill
And when you’re in pieces Double A don’t refrain
From spitting on your face and desecrating yo remains.

Your rhymin's so off-kilter, I see people holding pickets,
You don't even get violins, but you do get tons of crickets.
Tell me once again Aeon, how you won't lose your turf,
When you try to teach a Magikarp exactly how to Surf.
You think you're a great teacher, but you're really just the pits
Cuz the only thing that you taught me is you occasionally eat ****.
You may pay a billion gil for Yojimbo's crazy lotto,
But you get blotto, usin' my motto: Just 1 gil to land Zanmato!
I hope eating FFX didn't give you indigestion,
Cuz you're sick enough already, from your rap and your reflection.
So in our final battle, seems you failed to stay alive.
Now you need a Phoenix Down, and I've maxed my Overdrive!

Battle 6: Curt vs Biolizard28[]

~The Score~

Curt: 8
Biolizard28: 11

~The Raps~

This battle's gonna be a lyrical catasrophe, at least
When I'm done, you'll resemble what's left of the middle east
Each bar I tack on as I progress oozes with finess
Bio tries to imitate this--without any success
I've never rapped to the mentally challenged, I'll do it again later
From what I hear this guy's a ******, he can be my translator
My rhymes bring money, my pockets are about to erupt
We can see what his talent brings, he was just declared bankrupt
He'll use his library's computer to hate on me cuz he's broke
it won't work, cuh, your games weak--while I'm strong as an oak.
The way I figure you be easy--'an I've got a hunch:
My first shot's so strong, I won't even need a second punch

So the Legend arrives, thought he'd be a no show
Waitin' on him like the court waits for Godot
But in this court, I'm the prosecution
Just like my rhymes, you await execution
You call this match a lyrical calamity
But your rap, it's a crime against humanity
I'm poor, ******ed, and you're all it?
Your just like Lopen, all you do is talk ****
I'd sooner emulate E.T than your style
My rap must be X, cause yours was Vile
That second punch lookin' good right now?
Bring it, cause my counter's gonna tear you down

It's good you respect the Legend, but you're lucky I decided to show;
but the only way you'd beat me in court is with your mom's quid pro quo
You think your sorry ass could ever bring me to execution?
Let's turn the tables an' give you some divine retribution
That means I'm God an' your the dirty devil, sorry you called?
Cuz' I'm here to smack yo' ass back to the hell from which you crawled.
You think I talk ****? you must be having anxiety hysteria
Cuz everything that comes from your mouth is like explosive diahrrea
I'm like the second coming, walkin' on water aint no magic;
Each step is keepin you drownin, sad that no one finds it tragic.
But, at least you get to feel a bit like jesus on the inside;
Cuz you know as well as he did, that you just got crucified.

The Legend used RAP. Not very effective
I'm gonna make you wish you stayed on the defensive
You call yourself a God, but it's time to face facts
Cause I'm sure even Buddha could do better then that
If I am the Devil, then you're all mine
Cause I'll drag you to Hell like you drag out your lines
I think we've heard about enough testimony
As far as legends go, your nothing more than a phony
Your ego is huge, your beat is lame
As a parting gift, let's play a little game.
I'll be Ronald Reagan, you the Berlin Wall
There stands a legend, watch as he falls

Battle 7: Lopen vs kirbyjump[]

~The Score~

Lopen: 17
kirbyjump: 20

~The Raps~

I don't know who this is, go grab a name tag.
And hey, while you gettin it, find you a paper bag.
Oh what's that, your name is kirbyjump?
One look at you, I woulda guessed you was a Kirby dump.
Find that paper bag, dump? Now we load you right in it.
You thought you was rappin? You got a better role as ****.
Now you wait in that bag, I almost forgot my torch.
Don't worry bout this battle, you look better on O' Malley's porch.
I light you ablaze with this rap, and man, it be rank.
Leave you for O' Malley to stomp like a Halloween prank.
I see you done the big damage, just ruined O' Malley's shoe.
When he scrapes you off, rap with him, cuz I'm done with you.

I’m rapping against a user obsessed with ****
And the joke got stale; you didn’t know when to quit
Burning bags of crap, what a juvenile prank
And just like O’Malley’s shoe, your rap stank
Don’t know who I am? Well get it through your head
I’m the greatest thing to grace this world since sliced bread
And just like bread I’m gonna cut you down to size
It’s gonna come quick so don’t close your eyes
You’re a two-bit hack well past your prime
Every post you make is a first-degree crime
If this is all your bringing, this round’ll be a cruise
My BOLD PREDICTION for this rap…you lose

A BOLD PREDICTION but you ain't got the conviction
Your benediction is all up to my jurisdiction
Say I'm obsessed with ****? It's called topicality
I'd talk about yo momma, but you was born through babality
Elephant took a ****, and Johnny Cage was the diminisher
He dropkicked Liu Kang, then missed with the finisher
Left with a little pile now, look it's baby kirbyjump
Draw the eyes and add the smi-- nope, still a stinkin lump
You a disgrace to yo namesake, your only use is for farmin
Only time you absorbin powers... is when you touch the Charmin
All stumped kirbyjump? Then spare us yo prattle
Forfeit, submit, time to end this rap battle

Why should I submit to the one trick pony
The two-bit hack, the great big phony
You call me fertilizer? Well I’m the Grade A ****
With what’s comin out of your mouth you could fertilize with spit
I guess you didn’t realize, but this ain’t a toilet, it’s a rap
But it don’t really matter since you took a great big crap
And it’s just about time to flush you down
Before the stench from your rap starts to spread around
So let me tell you a secret: you don’t stand a chance
If this rap battle were a war there’s no doubt that you’d be France
So it’s over, you’re finished, and that’s what’s up
Oh and the cure for your obsession: 2 girls, 1 cup

Battle 8: TVontheRadio vs swordsman 12[]

~The Score~

TVontheRadio: 0
swordsman 12: 14

~The Raps~

This is TVontheRadio, signin' on
A sign for the swordsman to surrender, be gone
Coz once the **** hits the fan and the weapons are drawn
You gonna come up short, son. CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS!
HOLD IT! Wait a minute! I'm not done with you yet!
I'ma just gettin' started and you're startin' to sweat?!
Let me set the record straight, don't need to hear you fret
A reset in the battle and NO SHOW's your best bet!
And I c wut u did thar, Curt. You think you are the ****?
OH MY GOD, everybody look! A walking piece of ****!
Did I just forget something? No, I don't think that I did...
I already won this match and then I shut down Curt's lid.

swordsman 12
TVontheRadio? More like teehee, that was lazy yo.
I pity thee, you’ll plea to me “hey, don’t tase me bro!!”
With my slick flow, this **** will hit you harder than a zerg rush
I don’t need more pylons, my rhymes are ultras and they’ll grind you to mush
You think this match is over? To that I have an OBJECTION!
My rap is so hot it’s givin’ you an erection
It isn’t your lines that are makin’ me perspire
You rhymed **** with ****, lessons are what you require
Like a true swordsman, I’ll cut your verse into pieces
Then I’ll turn around and show you how hard challenging me is
Now you’re dissin’ on curt, what’s up with that?
This is our fight, you’re the sandbag and I’m a homerun bat.

I'm the judge, you're in my court, your ****ty flow's the evidence
OBJECTION OVERRULED, sport! Servin' you the death sentence!
I got everybody guessin' why I dissed on Curt
Reason's simple, ain't no riddle, swordsman ain't worth dirt
Hurt's, don't it? Let me stroke it! My dick's erect? Why don't you choke on it?!
Soak in it! Spit words like "teehee"? TV's gonna have to choke a *****
I can rhyme **** with **** and it won't do you any better
Sky high above the rules, INSTANT WIN like MASS CARRIERS
Go ahead and turn around, you suckin' can't get you off
You'll like it when I stab you with my "sword" and taste my "smirnoff"
A homerun bat? I'll play with you and I've got time to plan
You're just a ****in' tool, kid, and I'm the goddamn Batman!

swordsman 12
Objection overruled? That’s impossible!
Rappin’ against TV is cruel, I’m unstoppable!
Think you can win by using mass carriers?
You’re gonna be more shocked than Mike Vick’s pit terriers!
I aint worth dirt? I see you underestimated me
You were KO’d in the first round, clearly it’s my victory
Think you’re Batman? You’re absolute crap, man
Impersonation like that is enough to get you insta ban’d!
Think you’ll play with me, kid? Well playtime is over
My rap is the equivalent of Cliffs of Dover
You shoulda known better than to mess with me
I’m Sephiroth, you’re Aeris, now R.I.P.

Battle 9: DNEA vs Dealer[]

~The Score~

Do not even ask: 5
Dealer: 10

~The Raps~

Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent gets a bye
for I suck at rapping - really, no lie.
I'm the new Vanilla Ice, 'cept I'm whiter than white.
I'll get crushed within the millisecond of this rap fight.
My knees are buckling, and my body's shakin',
if you didn't know better, you'd swear it was earthquakin'.
I'd get out a white flag, but my white underwear's been soiled.
Now I'll be boiled alive, for my escape plan's been foiled,
I now ask "Oh why, oh why did I enter this hell?"
"Because you're a masochist," you succinctly tell.
And I've now have no finisher, to this "rap"...
Ah, what the hell, I always knew I'd do like crap.

DNEA you’ve sold yourself far too short
Even for a loser, you’re a horrible sport
How's it you’re so skilled but gave hope?
I know you’re a lot better; you’re not this dope
I’m nothin’ to admire, nothin’ to praise
Nothin’ to desire, nothin’ to amaze
But man, if you be treatin’ yourself like dirt
Just damn, I can’t even lay down the hurt
Tournaments are mistaken, lost ‘n found
Combatants are forsaken, tossed around
There’s no need for you to drop down dead
This battle ain’t over, you heard what I said!

Hold on there... the battle's not over, I still must fight?
You insist that I still rap, when you know I am white?
What a cruel man you are, malevolent and without shame,
It's my pain - and everyone else's - for which you're to blame.
For the life of me, I cannot fathom any man crueler than you.
Ruthless, spiteful; the words that describe you aren't few,
But even your villainy is something for which I cannot rave.
You are feeble, absentminded and you do not bathe,
You chew with your mouth open and pee sitting down,
All of your actions cause even Happy Negro to frown.
Oh God, did I reference a 4chan meme? My bad.
And yes, I still think my rapping skills are quite sad.

Finally, you were able to bring it to me
Dribbling your crap, about you how knew me
But the fact remains that your disses fell short
Jus’ like your wang when your mum gave it a snort
What’s with the titles used to describe my being?
This is a rap duel, not a holy church meeting
I’m the Dealer, the soul with limitless power
Yourself? You can’t attain a boner in an hour
I can give more pleasure to any fortunate lass
In the same time it takes you to wipe yo’ ass
So reference 4chan, n’ sulk in your mire
For it’s the Dealer who’s gained the voters’ desire

Battle 10: pikaness vs Charton[]

Charton defeats pikaness by forfeit (disqualification).

Battle 11: BBallman7 vs LiselTestify[]

~The Score~

BBallman7: 15
LiselTestify: 5

~The Raps~

You say you don't know me, let me give you a tour
I got more skills than you homey, and people like me more.
And maybe you're thinkin, "why don't people like me for?"
Even though Sess was rippin on you a few nights before.
Cuz my rhymes are designed to be defined as useful,
And when that line finds your eyes, it will blind your pupils,
If that's a crime then I, will try to braille my insults.

Cuz this is not a battle, or a war of attrition,
It's not even a mission, if you think it is you're just wishin.
I gotta hold back just to keep out of prison.
Do you know why?
Cuz they got laws against what I could do to LiselTestify

I'm glad that you're proud that people 'like you more'
I guess no one let you know this is a 'message board'
and even if you think Sess won that fight
Unlike you, I had sex with a girl last night
You were playing with your B-Balls, watching Total Recall
I hate to battle you this hard but I show no 'mer'cy at all

I hope this aint a battle or you will have to be afraid
I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi and BBallman's a French maid
Even if I hold back you're gonna hafta struggle
Your style's more cartoony than the movie Kung-Fu Hustle
You might play the courts but I will testify
That BBallman will never be as trill as I

That made my eyes sore, and my ears weep for Jesus,
I'd rather sleep with a whore, and get some unknown diseases,
Side affects from your verses worse than drugs bought off street kids,
Diarrhea, loss of hair, and possible anal leakage.
My rhymes are cartoony but yours are nursery pieces,
And I got laid last night, your mom was my priestess.
We roleplayed for hours, I'll give you a thesis,
She said "if you were Lisel's father, he might have achieved ****."
Cuz this ain't a ****ing picnic or a day at the beaches,
It's a ****ing battle, you can't win if you're speechless.
My words are like bullets, your knife isn't needed,
And if you do get a gun, I got my telekinesis.

Not bad, bro, but I'll change the subject a little bit
I just found your rhymes in the toilet; After I took a ****
I'll diss you like the 1800's; BBallman you a nitwit
Can't handle that? I'll pull my strap, my gun is sayin 'click click'
You're a less popular version of yazzy, Your rhymes just seem too spazzy,
and you're dressed like a hobo while my threads are so snazzy
No hard feelings I just gotta tell it like it is;
I'm Snap, Crackle, and Pop. . . You're barely a fizz
I just heard the good news and I don't wanna spoil it,
But you got your sister pregnant from jerkin' on the toilet
So from your verse it sounds like my flow almost did you in
I'll let the voters finish it; Lisel ftw

Battle 12: RX7InfinitiIII vs AlecTrevelyan006[]

~The Score~

RX7InfinitiIII: 4
AlecTrevelyan006: 11

~The Raps~

Alec Dicks, watch your six, 'cause I'm ready to start,
And I'm damn sure that this mix is gonna stop~ your heart.
Call in Trauma Center, fella, cuz your life's at an end,
While I'm spitting rhymes so fast you simply can't comprehend,
As I ascend, simply heavenly up into the sky,
Because these are the laws of rap that I'm about to defy.
Speakin' of sky - get your hopes right here back down on the ground.
You got no hope against the rappin' king - recently crowned,
Cuz brotha, I'm the Brosnan to your pseudo-Sean Penn,
And I sure don't need all twelve lines so I'll end this at ten.

For all the time you had, to think of what to spit
I'd hope you could do better, than that lame ass ****
I've heard better lines, from little emo punks
While I sit here spouting, these verbal slam dunks
I am the rappin' Lord, rhymin' god from A to Z
Biggest thing to hit this board since days of the jp
If I were a number set, my Aleph would be three
I'm just that much bigger than your RX7Infiniti
You may think you're winning, but I assure you that you're not
Because you are gonna get owned, worse than ole Dred Scott
Your name has 7 i's, so why is it you can't see
That in this here rap battle, the only master's me

So apparently rap battles are a haven for fools -
You should know by now that I'm the one who makes all the rules.
Number one: You're a tool. You're an aggravation.
Number two: I'm the King of Rappin' Battlin' Nation.
Prob'ly shouldn't go higher, cuz your rap made me see
That you never learned to count - nothin's bigger than me,
Cuz you simply can't go higher than Infiniti Three -
And as the King these are the laws that I do hereby decree.
I guarantee, nothing matters more to rap than the flow,
But your flow is simply amateur, and my rhymes are pro.
I told ya, bro, you should know, you're behind by a mile,
Cuz all the while, I been sayin' that you can't touch my style.

Guess you're getting desperate, hey it sounds real cool
To be playa hatin' on me "the fool" and "tool"
I hope that there is something, you're better at than hatin'
Otherwise I pray to Darwin, that you ain't procreatin'
And just in case you can't see the connection
I'm a rappin' master by natural selection
If you're a "Rappin King", then you rule by divine right
So then the Rapping Lord, ain't who you wanna fight
You could tag along, while my rhymes are flamin'
But you would be the Affleck, to my Matt P. Damon
I don't see why you are re trying, you just can't compete
Like a Board 8'ers wang, you gonna be beat

Battle 13: BesaidGuy vs Princess Anri[]

~The Score~

BesaidGuy: 7
Princess Anri: 16

~The Raps~

From the tip off I'm thwarten haters wit the pen
If I'm pissed off, you get ripped more than Scwarzenegger in the gym
A guy named Princess? You like to shake and prance lonely?
Or another chick wit a ****, it's time ta MakeYaChance homie
Gotcha trapped in this worded enslavement
Try and say ****
I'll American History X ya face on the pavement
You spittin flows, tryin ta be a rapper its bull dawg
I'm the Mike Vick of rap and you're just another bulldog
These real eyes see real lies and realize ya sorry
To this rap league ya useless like how FFX feels about Kimahri
Ima roll you up and smoke like the dutch
And just know, my verbal shots never miss, Im like Kobe in the clutch

Princess Anri
Come token black guy, off the chocobo.
I'm ready to attack. Try and match this flow.
You've got no chance. Not this year, kid.
You won't even advance with a maxed sphere grid.
Nothing can protect ya. You're just posing as Sin.
Like Yunalesca and ExTha, *RKOs you again*
American History X? Stomp my face on the curb?
You're not from the projects, we're from the same suburb.
At least you have Yuna to turn to.
Give her a hug but try not to pass through.
So put on your dress sphere. I'll see you in Ten-Two.
You did you best here but it's time to end you.

Took awhile, but Ima be sooner ta deliver
Take ya chick and do what Tidus did to Yuna in the river
Do ya chick in the Cedes',while roleplaying James Woods as Hades
We both butt naked like we dressin up for Sades
I don't ObJecht to being Sinful, my rhymes knock you cold out
Pain I dole out, Im tryin ta fit my fist in ya whole mouth
I rep the suburbs, hell, they sell pizzas where I shop
I still pull the steel, kill, and send you ya family in pieces in a box
Come back a few years lata and dig they skeletons up
Then crank that soulja boy across they bodies till the skeletons crush
Lyrical camo hides my humble,Hump ya chick like camels when we rumble
Ima one man army, like Rambo in the jungle

Princess Anri
It's gonna be like Yuna and Tidus in the river?
My girl's gonna watch you whine, cry and shiver?
While Anri's sending rhymes up ya spine, make you quiver.
Kimahri's ****ing you. You're the *****, he's the giver.
Princess Anri makes Tidus look like a ****ing diva.
But what would you expect from Ronso's receiva?
Frozen in pieces on the floor. That's how she'll leave ya.
Casting Freeze Level 4, she don't even need Shiva.
Enough about Tidus. What about the real oh six?
You got a problem with me. That's easy to fix.
If you're gonna beat Anri, you'll need a bigger bag of tricks.
It's funny. I'm the Princess. You're the one sucking dicks.

Special Guest: transience
I voted against ya, but it ain't cause you're brown
just can't vote for someone named after a town
at least name yourself after a city, temple or tower
but I can't expect much, you played that **** 1100 hours
that's a whole lot of walking in a straight ****ing line
you can't find a better use for your time?
five hundred hours of blitzball, ten thousand castings of Flare
I did that crap Tidus only with a thousand hours to spare
I can't fathom pressing circle until my controller died
I think my brain would attempt to commit suicide
get this greek tragedy crap off of my board
Anri won that **** and made you look absurd

Battle 14: Furious J vs Angsty Lou[]

Angsty Lou defeats Furious J by forfeit (disqualification).

~The Raps~ (doesn't count)

Furious J
I woulda...put him a head lock, hit 'im with a chop block,
smashed him with a crock pot and slapped him with my ****.
Thrown him through a window, kneaded him like dough,
smoked him like endo and made him read shoujo manga.
Woulda beat him in the race, aced him with my tastes,
and emptied a can of lyrical mace in his face.
Crushed him like a can, showed him who's the man,
digested and crapped him out like Raisin Bran.
Woulda put him in the ICU, made his weak-ass rhymes turn to goo,
and utterly and completely tooled that foo.
So Angsty Lou better say "thank you" that I got DQ'd.
Cuz otherwise that dude would have been verbally FU'd.

Angsty Lou
Do all that to me? Bro, I think you're high
I wouldn't waste my time losin my mind looking for a ride
To round 2
A chop block, bro? I expected better things
You're gonna get defensive against a guy that doesn't take swings?
Your laziness, my friend, seems to come in waves
Was that Raisin Bran line your own or one of your slaves?
I think it's a surge, yeah, a lazy ****in' merge
and don't look now, but you just let that boxing league purge
But, yeah, you had a bye and you let it slip away
My rapping's almost as bad as the vocals of Gerard Way
But for you it's game over, you didn't even get to play.

Furious J
Bro!? What is this Beverly Hills 90210?
Or some stupid show, where wack mc's flow so slow?
You didn't belong in Round 1, much less in Round 2.
Your rhymes ain't def, they can barely count as crude.
If Aeon would read these he'd be left with no choice,
other than to shun you and acknowledge my voice.
After reading your rap, which I assure you is crap,
I'm dreading your next post, and having to watch your gums flap
The Angst in your name is apparent this time.
You must be too busy cutting yourself to spit a good rhyme.
Advancing to the second round is a tragedy, a travesty, nothing but a hollow sham.
It makes the goddess of rhyme weap such salty tears, that they use them to flavor spam.

Battle 15: Shake vs Minipoooot[]

Shake defeats Minipoooot by forfeit (disqualification).

~The Raps~

As I walk unto the stage, his area, his cage
Another burial in rage. Here come the chants
When I assume the stance and unzip my pants
Causing anxiety hysteria; the schlong from the bone age sporting gonorrhea.
The fans enter a trance looking to steal a glance
...It's Stevis! The spectacle with a chip on his left testicle
"Minipoot? Ha, translate it to Dutch and it reads mini-homosexual
That's not a foe but a joke I want to blow and get some coke
Now I'm free I'd like to plea in-sanity and go tear up some *****
I'll start with this one, a user so boring and unremarkable
The scoring will reflect I tore through his adbominal wall
Via penetration the sensation of my gyration will bring on annihilation."

Battle 16: Mega Mana vs SensiShadeSlaye[]

Mega Mana defeats SensiShadeSlaye by forfeit (disqualification).

~The Raps~

Mega Mana
Ohh, hey, it's my turn to rap?
I just woke up and I'm feeling like crap
Good morning to you, Mr. SensiShadeSlaye
I guess it's time to come out and play
Let's start up a game of Connect Four
Screw our rap battle, they've got twenty more


I'll be waiting for you to make a move
All the while I'll be finding my groove
After your rebut, the match is on
Especially if our board is gone
So put down your X along with snappy disses
Give me some pain; I don't want your kisses

Battle 17: sonicblastpunch vs Forceful Dragon[]

~The Score~

sonicblastpunch: 18
Forceful Dragon: 5

~The Raps~

stay the rumble of the crowd and call the masses to rise
the prophet stands before you with the will to sermonize
like william of ockham i'm doctor invincibilis
and i'll rip apart yer craft like i'm a modern day charybdis
so i'll leave you broken down like what remains of bret hart
pin yer rooks to rip and tear yer castle apart
i'm gonna chew you out like you're a product of o-pee-chee
to prove why i am so wise, like later era nietzsche
but you'll need to sign the dotted line to see what yer receivin
when i'm givin the faithful a rivetin rhyme to believe in
your own word will turn against you like a verbal mata hari
when i smoke you and i roll you like a doobie katamari

Forceful Dragon
You've conned the masses, but I've seen no wool
Takes more'n you've got to play me for a fool
So you think you've won, who could blame ya
But EffDee is here and he's gonna shame ya

Now your wheels, they spin in reverse, your chances of winnin grow worse an' worse
Into my plane of verse your minds will immerse
Your rhymes are dated, copper-plated, the outcome of our duel's been fated
My lust for rap cannot be sated

Your religion I've busted, wholly debunked
It's MY School Of Rap, tool, and clearly, you flunked.
So "prophet" lets hear 'em, your rhythms divine
Offerings unto me, lain at MY shrine

line six had nine syllables, line five had eighteen
so you handle rhythm almost as badly as hygiene
and if this is how you sing then I would hate to see you dance
you're a whiter mc hammer with worse rhymes and tighter pants
so you need to have yer pipes checked to find out where yer flow escaped
find out why my rhymes wrecked you, rendered you a jackanape
my advice to you is to start readin about greenery
so when you're put to pasture you'll appreciate the scenery
because they'll be forcefully draggin you home in a box
and like a rabbi with arthritis you can't open the locks
i have found yer rappin muddled but i find yer future clear
cause you'll find my fire thunder driver endin yer career

Forceful Dragon
You may think I'm fallen, out ranged by your mortars
But sucka stop right now, you're all outta quarters
Yeah once I get in close, its end-game for your show
Cause while I'm little Mac, you represent Glass Joe
Jab, hook bob and a weave, this ones DONE, plain to see
Your RAM just cant take it, runnin with such as me
you'd best buy the upgrade, 'you wanna stand a chance
these lyrics mesmerize, and you're stuck in my trance
you're beaten 'n bloodied now, put the lotion on the skin
Twelve lines are for suckers, cause I just kicked your ass in ten

Battle 18: Ed Bellis vs Cokes311[]

~The Score~

Ed Bellis: 15
Cokes311: 2

~The Raps~

Ed Bellis
Gentlemen, ladies, girls, boys and pikaness
Here comes the master, the pharaoh of phreakiness
King of the lions, son, chimp with the cheekiness
Cokes the cub can’t understand my Rafiki-ness
He’s whiter than whitebread and lamer than Dole,
But my rhymes make me seem like I’m blacker than coal
I’m the hunter, you’re Bambi, an innocent foal –
You’re two percent milk, I’m all-natural soul
Your lyrics are trite and your rhyme scheme’s so-so
My grandmother’s tampons produce better flow!
Take it from E-Bell, this match you should throw
Lest you make like your mother, and learn how to blow.

Look at Ed, the rappin' Disney prin-cess
Keep rhymin' like that, man, you gonna go win-less
Cinderbellis, lines 'bout apes simply will not im-press
You got no style, no flow; I got both and a ton of fin-esse
The way I spit, won't be long till you're fin-ished
Took too much time off, your talent has dimin-ished

Say you're king of the lions, you're more Kitna then Mufasa
With my Sub-Zero blasts, you're getting iced like Coolatas
You might be blacker than coal, but I'm a diamond under pressure
Doesn't matter what you spit, I'm a cool cat like the Cheshire
Don't ever forget, my skills are tops on this board
Once I'm done kickin' your ass, it's back to the psych ward

Ed Bellis
Don’t ever fear, Slick Wordsmith’s here to tell ya what the crunk –
All Cokes’s poise was only noise, but I done brought the funk
So stand transfixed – I hit B6. Yo’ Battleship is sunk!
Took cannonballs and smashing brawls and blew up all your junk
Pimp out my ride called Genocide, I’m Samus, you’re my Kraid
I may be a pretty princess, but at least this ho gets laid
You may find yourself a diamond but ya still ain’t got no Hope
Bellis hung ya out ta dry and didn’t leave ya any rope
Boy, my skillz are so much more advanced it’s almost my profession
I pimp-slap hoes all to and fro with wanton indiscretion
You’ll soon regret ya didn’t jet and draft a daft concession –
Cause when all is done you’ll be the one that suffers from depression.

Crunkmaster Ed, you got a twin, a Lucas to your Claus?
Cuz the guy from our last battle ain't even near this house
I thought after our last match I was battlin' a mouse
Turns out crazy runs in your genes like you're Levi Strauss

Back in the day, you had skills, yeah you really shined
The *** MC, dispatchin' foes swiftly from behind
You're just a fairy now, asking pixies "Where is my mind?"
Multies're maligned, flow unrefined, man your lines get tongues entwined

I'm like Renoir with my reign o'er the rap art
And my impression is that yours is a bit part
Get back to mammerjammer, I'll give ya a head start
Before I hafta spit more lyrical daggers right into ya heart

See Also[]