The first Round of the One Loss Bracket of the Board 8 RAP BATTLE 5 Tournament.
~Round 1~[]
Battle L1: Anri vs. XIII[]
~The Score~
Princess Anri: 5
XIII is cool: 2
~The Raps~
Princess Anri
Alright, XIII, the wait is over for the Princess of Whales
My rhymes overweight cause they tippin the scales
Maybe I should get them checked for diabetes type 2
Baby you about to get decked cause the treaties fell through
Literally, the floorboards gave in due to my glandular condition
But the scoreboards still say that this s***'s a demolition
After the peace talks, you'll be anonymous like Guy Fawkes
Like 2 obese hawks, rhymes synonymous with fat squawks
I think you get my points: my rhymes are big boned yet firm
My verses got weak joints, my muscles are toned like a worm
You can't handle this gravy I'm spitting, this s***'s way too thick
You better go join the navy, it's befitting, cause I'm Moby Dick
XIII
The artist known as XiC will deign
He'll mingle with losers to start his reign
As the chief, the king, the f***ing God of rap
On that subject, b****, your "king" seems a bit crap
Nadal was beaten, bloodied, his flaws exposed
Like your game with ladies when you get friendzoned
It's funny to me how you love a 'roided fraud
When no pills can get you past this rap battle lord
Your game is whack, your groundstrokes are off and your lob is heavy
no stamina either so you only sleep with your teddy
You know I'm the master and that you're just my b****
Just accept it cuz we all know my rhymes bewitch
Princess Anri
I put back big macs by the ton, breakin scales just for fun
My slacks always undone, forsaking buttons one by one
I measure my waistband by miles instead of inches
Gonna get your face banned if your head even flinches
You're already shaking in terror, my mass inspires dread
It was a grave, grave error picking the bottom bunk bed
This b**** is going down, you'd best be on your guard
My weight is growing now, I think I can feel more lard
I think it's time I try a lyrical diet before my arteries congest
One line less, might as well try it, my body's too stressed
I'm trying to be satirical, so quiet while I go into cardiac arrest
XIII
Don't care about your weight b**** your rhymes are anorexic
You're such a bad wordsmith you almost seem dyslexic
jp was fatter and phatter than you
When you take the stage the crowd just goes "boo"
Your raps are shameful, just a gimmick like the Wii
So why don't you take a seat and listen to me
Admit I'm the teacher and you're in first grade
And now I see your gold star starting to fade
Cuz this battle's a cynch, man, I've got it made
A formality before I go get laid
Hey, you might too, but it'll only be incest
I'ma just call you the "biggest loser", Princess.
Battle L2: Menji vs. Blur[]
~The Score~
Menji76: Wins by DQ
XtremeBlur: Forfeits
~The Raps~
Menji
my name's in the sky while your marquee's fadin' out
flashing your name as 'blurb' wishing for just one shout-out
sign dropped the B 'cause you can't cover that electric fee
people call you 'blur' now, you can call me mr. 1080p
i've seen your rhymes, they're unreadable, like pencil on ice
there're no surprises, you're a book I've already read twice
if we're talking literature, i'm the kama sutra for sure
shock the crowd now but my name will be sure to endure
like a game of 'Guess Who?' you're good for one nostalgia spree
too bad you'd be flipped down if asked, "did he beat menji?"
i may have lost once but now i'm like jackie chan not wanting trouble
unbeatable and waiting for your rebuttal, i'm thinking, you'll struggle
Blur
n/a
Battle L3: MePieThree vs. warning_crazy[]
~The Score~
Me Pie Three: 4
Warning Crazy: 1
~The Raps~
Me Pie Three
Its your turn to take finals now cuz this is your final round
Special sauce like silk off the spool rhyming with my vinyl sound
I Baptise b****es boldly with bust to block from brimstone
Bunnies with bras bursting with bust are blessed to blow my bone
Barbariously i ball em, playmates with shock collars
Like skip ball-less or skee-lo ya wish you were a baller
Yea n I'm taller, theres 12 inches you cant see though
Im like an iceberg, 90% of me's down be-low
And if im an ice flow then youre frozen in your tracks
Im in your path to the top n you cant pass me like Snorlax
Its okay that I'm tired cuz your flows alarming like a poke flute.
Wait for when it wakes me up, i'll crush your dreams like Exeggcute
warning_crazy
I wait three days for your rap and that’s all you got?
I’m about to knock you out of the comp in one shot
Your rhymes were a disaster; quick, you call a pastor
Cause I’m a rapping master and my grooves are faster
I’ll do you a huge favor and beat you down real quick
But after I’m done with you you’ll be feeling dyspeptic
They call you special sauce but your flow is your albatross
I tried to find how it rhymed but it kept leaving me at a loss
When the results are shown your mommas gonna mourn
Until she finally catches you watching all that porn
After that she’ll probably wish that you had been stillborn
But for right now you are just a speck in my side, a thorn
Me Pie Three
Once bitten, twice shy, you couldnt swing a single punch
Thrice beaten, my oh my, I can write a winner over brunch
Yeah, Snorlax just woke up and I'm level one hundred
Full health now, and I'll eat you twice like Fun Dip
Your a "Lik a Stik" and Im like "bro have restraint"
Its one thing to be gay, another to love a mans taint
Surprising Ash with your girth? I guess its your prerogative
But taking c*** unquantitive? Disgustingly evocative.
I heard you wanted to get raped in jail so you sought a conviction
You got a problem, go on MTVs "my strange addiction"
Join Snooki and friends but remember herp is passed via dome
I guess AIDS stands for Allow Infinite D***s Syndrome
warning_crazy
Alright not a lotta time so i'll just crank this out
When i'm done you'll have a major vote drought
you keep trying to call me gay, in ways that get more risque
i guess i'll enter the fray, you know that i always slay
i'm starting to think that your projecting, or maybe injecting
the lack of work is reflecting, the crowds be objecting
you must have been high to think those lines were working
Man get the hell off the board, please go back to lurking
but we all can agree, that special sauce has autolatry
i'll win, i can guarantee, theres a reason you better flee
you hear that? not one clap, and for you i'll recap
I really don't have time to read your crap, **** it, that's a wrap
Battle L4: swordsman 12 vs. Tombolo[]
~The Score~
swordsman 12: 4
Tom Bombadil: 1
~The Raps~
swordsman
Smash boards and drop jaws, I’m rap’s Blake Griffin
Stop, rewind, pause… now loop it like I’m GIF’in.
Can’t stop my trajectory, fly high like I’m in Sector Z,
Your tournament is over, unfortunate to battle me.
Don’t expect an upset, my rhymes makin’ your mom wet
Your **** stinks so bad it clears the room like a bomb threat.
The Party’s winding Down before you even got your first set,
Your career is over *****-- “are we having fun yet?”
Strike below the belt, breaking balls like vasectomy,
My heat is radiating while you can’t detect yours rectally.
Reject attempts to lecture me cause I’ll be this round’s teacher,
This ain’t Sunday School but I’d suggest you get your preacher.
Tom
We've gathered to dishonor the soon-to-be dearly departed:
He was begging me for mercy before the match even started.
I'll give the last rites now, for once you've been outsmarted
A weak-ass fool and his life are inevitably parted.
And the Miracle never happen- you know there will be no upset
Taki' you down with my rappin'- son, I aint even warmed up yet
Once my synapses start zappin' you won't even know what's up, get
A clue, get to clappin', 'cuz this is gonna be game set.
I'll be having my way with you all over the boards
Gonna ruin your day like raiding Mongol hordes
Every single day my rap is winning awards,
But even Fighter would say that he doesn't like swords.
swordsman
Named after a poet but your flow is ****ing pitiful,
Your raps are damn predictable, can’t knock me off the pinnacle,
Master of the syllable, shows I put on are clinical,
If this is the Departed I’m the cop and you’re the criminal.
Think you’re ****in clever before I Mark you with my nine,
You need more than just a little luck—the stars have to align.
Like Carol in HR you’re not all there, that **** was empty,
This just aint your Day Man, your play just isn’t trendy.
You must be sniffin' glue if you thought that trash was treasure,
Now’s your chance to DQ and vanish quick like cheshire.
But I’m the one who’s laughing at your tourney hopes crashing,
My journey’s making waves and you’re stuck in the mud splashing.
Tom
This is a battle of rhymes, but you came unarmed
Rap a thousand times, I'd never be harmed
With charisma and ease, I've got ladies charmed
Better than Chinese with all the gold I've farmed.
Your swords and rhymes are dull, neither one could cut butter
No need to fight at full to kick you into the gutter.
You're a puny-ass lizard, I've got the Boomerang Cutter
Conjurin' rhymes like a wizard, you're spewing crap like a nutter.
Gonna snipe you with my Bow, gonna skewer with my Lance
Even my Axe can lay you low, and my Dancers gonna Dance.
Got the Emblem of a hero, it'll leave you in a trance
Now your HP are at zero 'cuz you looked at me askance.
Battle L5: Justin vs. Bio[]
~The Score~
Justin Crossing: Forfeits
Bio: Wins by DQ
~The Raps~
Justin
n/a
Bio
Thanks for the bye, JC, I can go easy on my lungs
Since i don't have to try I'm gonna rap in tongues
oqhfrrqzcxkjbaofbaeboabjdlv
pefhpfhpaihfnviadbnvibvohfig
paiewhfhpjjifoishoiehiofoisbe
iohfovikbsiodubeiveohbfiuwe
woahhadiuadiadfigasrto
oahiusuygdiauhojpygufo
pojsfposehnfosheifheoihsgo
oihgerohshosgosiheosho
weuoiqiowoiweoiuquoikjbik
oiheohioiaownskcm Tom Selleck
Battle L6: Ayvuir vs. BBallman7[]
~The Score~
Ayvuir: Forfeits
BBallman7: Wins by DQ
~The Raps~
Ayvuir
n/a
BBallman
****in' DQ you gotta be kiddin' me,
Doesn't change nothin', you're an easy victory.
If you spent as much time writin as you did makin' excuses,
Then you could have lost like a man and not been so ****'in useless.
By why even sign up if 12 lines are too much for you,
I'm only doin' 6 because I've had enough of n00bs.
Battle L7: Mer vs. Walrus[]
~The Score~
Mer: -
WalrusJump: -
~The Raps~
Mer
n/a
Walrus
Yo Keisha Fabo lookin ass can't even drop 12 bars
I'd have burned you like MJ - your brain would have been charred
You as fat as Breadquanda, but I'm your ghetto superstar
Yo s*** Earthbound like you're Ness, I'm out of this world, I'm from Mars
B**** please, you can't stop me, you're too afraid to show up
You whiter than Brian Scalabrine, I'm Shaq O'Neal on post up
You're ratchet as Lil Kim, I'll f*** your raps so hard my name's BIG
How can you be user of the year when I broke your ass like a twig?
This battle's over - literally - you didn't even come
You knew I'd destroy you like a Friday Night bottle of rum
I'm half-assing these four lines - why show you any better?
Why show respect by dropping a rap? I'd have still won posting a letter.
Battle L8: jdizzy vs. ngirl[]
~The Score~
jdizzy: Wins by DQ
ngirl: Forfeits
~The Raps~
jdizzy
Swear to god this is the most mannish B**** I ever seen
Vag getting soiled year round call it evergreen
Couldnt pay a mex to landscape it, Juan more thing
eat you in this battle like a p****, lick the plate clean.
You dream of gettin this stick, way sick of toothpicks
that dont fit and leave you feeling empty like yo rhymes chick
But dont trip, i wont slip, anything in that slit
It probably be more fun f****** a cup then your loose s***
My verses are phat, feel pain when they penetrate your cranium
gag on mouthfuls of syllables and verbs im slayin em
If what I spit were STDs then maybe you could CATCH-it
but only cause your nasty you stank whore ratchet.
ngirl
.
jdizzy
.
ngirl
.