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Church of MYC < Church of Sess.

The following materials are all written by MYC himself.

Excerpt from the Founding[]

The Church of MakeYourChance: Part 1

My children, welcome to the beginning. The beginning of The Church of MakeYourChance. I already have gathered a sizable amount of members from the nooks and alleyways of Board 8, and now I have it set in my heart to expand my reach across the vast outstretches of the world. I do not ask that you believe in me; rather, I ask that you believe in the idea of me. I am, of course, flawed as the rest of you are, but I have seen the light, and it has whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I know the pains of man; I know the suffering and the torture and the binding nothingness that stretches through the hearts of all mortals. Sometimes it feels as if we cannot break free from this curse, but we can, and we must. We shall bring ourselves to the forefront and look into the sky and say, "God! You shall be proud of me. I shall do your work, and I shall do it with all neccessity!"

What follows is the first of many commandments and parables that I shall relay to you from God. I do not know where this is heading, myself, as I am just a messenger. Be assured, however, that I bring you these words in good faith.


The First Four Commandments of The Church of MakeYourChance:

Commandment 1: Thou Shalt Not Make Lists

Unless you happen to be a sizably intelligent person that people care about (AKA: ...Umm...), the formulation of a list shall lead to grave punishment. Seriously. Nobody cares. Lists are a boring, mundane way to feed the source of all evil; the ego. When writeups are included, it makes the list all the more unbearable, as it gains a life of it's own. Lists are, on the whole, evil, and the vast majority are to be banned from existing within the holy sphere of The Church of MakeYourChance. The punishment for making a list that nobody cares about is to off yourself.

Commandment 2: Thou Shalt Not Be A Sissy

He who marks others for trolling shall be hunted and staked to the ground. There is no tolerance for sucking up within the holy sphere of The Church of MakeYourChance. Those who choose to mark things just for the sake of marking things shall be cursed forever more to wander the vast plains without any idea as to who they are. Then they must off themselves.

On a side note, we do not allow people to be too sensitive to the words of others. There are times when anger is appropriate; however, several words that are intended to be nothing but good fun should never be taken as an evil act. Those who take words too seriously must off themselves.

Commandment 3: Thou Shalt Not Steal MakeYourChance's Phrases

Without proper approval and permission granted unto the user, one is banned from stealing from the vast pool of awesome rhetoric that MakeYourChance commands. Those caught using the words "off yourself" without having first been accepted into the church will be forced to off themselves.

However, the spread of the words of THE SHADOW is encouraged. Feel free to use them in any situation you deem neccessary.

Commandment 4: Thou Shalt Not Drive Durangos

If you do not oblige by this most holy of commandments, you must wander the world without brains until the day that you off yourself.

I shall continue after I have rested from my arduous journey up the Lord's path. Live in good faith, my brothers, and remember who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men.

The First Parable[]

There once was a man who dwelled in a hollow located in his mother's basement. This man was gluttonous to the point of disgust, whether his indulgence be in food or in his own shallow opinions. Soon, he began to feel that his opinions were law, and began to criticize others for disagreeing with him, no matter what the subject. When those who argued with him finally got fed up with his ignorance and complete dismissal of other people's thoughts and beliefs, they resorted, as most mortal men would, to petty insults that gave great entertainment to both the insulters and to God, who had been watching from his throne all along.

However, the glutton was not happy, and he began to enlist the help of the tyrannistic government. He blew the harmless jokes out of proportion and ignored his own actions so as to make himself seem the victim. By sticking to this story, the agents of the government were able to make themselves look like good little soldier ants, carrying out their tasks at will, and those who had tried for so long to have their voices heard were quickly struck down. They did not falter, however, because they knew that everything they had said was damn funny, and that anybody who took offense at such jabs, especially after willingly giving the ammunition away of their own occord, was obviously breaching the 3rd commandment. They knew that God would set things right.

And he did. God smote the glutton and forced him to apologize for being a worthless lump of a human being.

The moral of the story is: Don't be a glutton, and don't report harmless jokes so as to boost your own shattered self esteem.

Take stock in this parable, my children, and live a good life until the next update.

Views on Religious Tolerance[]

I think that Mormons are some of the finest people to grace this earth. They are the most cheerful, helpful optimists you will ever meet. One day, I was told to cut the grass, and I was about to do it (I swear!), and then we got a call from some young Mormons out to do their thingy where they do stuff or something (I don't really know), and they offered to cut the grass for me, and they probably expected me to turn them down but I was like "**** YES!", so I sat in my room in my underwear drinking soda while they did my chores for me. Then they gave me a Book of Mormon with lots of pretty illustrations and I thanked them and kicked them the hell out of my house.

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