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Pokehistory[]

Could You Beat Up That Pokemon? is a contest started in early November, 2008, by fetusbucketeer. The premise is simple - each day a different Pokemon is brought up, and the users discuss whether or not they could beat it up.

Pokerules[]

Since the fights assume that you're wandering much like you would be in the games, you are unarmed. You don't have any weapons or armors or anything like that. You're fighting a pokemon with no special abilities to your name unless specified in the topic. So no sticks, no rocks, no throwing dirt in the eyes of the pokemon - nothing like that. Just you and Caterpie (aww! Why would you beat up a Caterpie?!) or whichever other pokemon, mano a mano, no holds barred.

Well Could We?[]

  • Yes, we could beat up seven of the Pokemon so far.
  • No, we could not beat up thirteen of the Pokemon so far.

Pokeresults[]

  • Day 1 - Bulbasaur: Everybody would kill a Bulbasaur - some for the sake of saying they had killed one, others for much more personal reasons. There was no special circumstance.
  • Day 2 - Ivysaur: Ivysaur would put up at the very least a little bit of a fight, but would still probably get trounced. The special circumstance was that the user was wearing a belt that day.
  • Day 3 - Venusaur: Venusaur would eat our bones. The special circumstance was that the user had just watched an Edge & Christian, 3D, and Hardy Boyz TLC match and they were PUMPED.
  • Day 4 - Charmander: Charmander would get pissed on a lot by users of this board, which, and call me a prude for saying this, seems really weird. There was no special circumstance.
  • Day 5 - Charmeleon: The superheroes in the topic would kill Charmeleon, but everybody else would get killed, very quickly. There was no special circumstance. ExThaNemesis won the first Quote of the Day with "I would RKO the Charmander, and that would be game, set, and match. Yes."
  • Day 6 - Charizard: Since it was pretty much random tag teams taking on the beast, it was really hit or miss. The only thing that seemed to work was one person giving "oral pleasure" to the dragon while the other person choked it out. Auto-erotic asphyxiation woot! The special circumstance was that you and the person who posted before you were teaming up to beat up Charizard. Huff n Puff 20 won the QotD with "No, because that thing cuts Arboks in half."
  • Day 7 - Squirtle: Uh, hell yeah. The thing blows bubbles at people. The special circumstance was that the users were all totally drunk when they were fighting the Squirtle. Somebody said "It would probably just go inside its shell. There'd be nothing I could do," and won the QotD because of it.
  • Day 8 - Wartortle: Most people would gleefully destroy a Wartortle, but some people would hug it and love it. There was no special circumstance. Azazel22 won the QotD with "He'd blow a bubble at me, I'd boot him in his stupid face, then pounce and beat him into submission. Done and done."
  • Day 9 - Blastoise: Blastoise is so powerful that its BUBBLES would beat us up. There was no special circumstance, and snowcampsoldier won the QotD with "*cyborg tortoise."
  • Day 10 - Caterpie: People would either destroy it (it's scary how many people wanted to curbstomp Caterpies) or run away immediately upon seeing it. There was no special circumstance, and The_Theorem won the QotD with "I would punt kick it into the ocean."
  • Day 11 - Metapod: Metapod is as hard as a steel slab, so most users would either give up or burn it, somehow. Such mean users Board 8 has. The special circumstance was that the user was walking to school, wearing a backpack. Inside there was a 30 page paper on the aerodynamics of a new polymer developed by a local aeronautics company, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, an iPod, some headphones, and a cellphone. gotspork won the QotD with "yes construct a chic table out of him after he hardens"
  • Day 12 - Butterfree: Butterfree would kill everybody, either by poisoning each and every one of us with it's poison-dust wings, by tackling us (the damn things weighs 70+ pounds!) from mid-air, or by confusing us into walking over to it so it could pummel us and poison us at the same time. The special condition was that the users were wearing a SARS mask, but it didn't help much. The quote of the day was probably Iron Grunty when he clanged.
  • Day 13 - Weedle: The wimps and nerds would run away, but most of the users would stomp the hell out of Weedle, much like Caterpie. There was no special condition, and the QotD goes to Calintares with his novella: "The important question is 'could a Weedle kill a human?' and I think not. It is far to small, and if it were carnivore, which I doubt, then It would probably hunt for much smaller prey, such as Rattata. their tactics against such a prey would probably be to first immobilize it using string shot, and then kill the prey through poison sting. I don't think string shot would have any major effect on a human, due to how large we are in comparison, at least if we were aware that it was employing that tactic I would have no serious trouble, though I might be slightly inconvenienced. The poison is simply not potent enough. Humans have a good metabolism, and the poison is already quite weak to begin with and is meant for much smaller creatures. A huge amount of poison would be required to kill a human. The sting itself might cause some harm, but unless it hit a truly vital spot (and it cannot reach any by itself) it would it would do nothing but inconvenience the human. The tackle attack is of no consequence whatsoever, as it has far to little mass to cause any serious impact against a human. I conclude that the only situation where the Weedle could kill a human would be if i caught a human napping, but as it cannot cause sleepiness that is irrelevant. If confronted by a human, A Weedle would probably try to escape by slowing down the human using string shot, only in desperate situations would it attack, and such attacks would probably not do any serious damage. If no escape is possible, then the Weedle would not stand a chance. As for me, I would find it quite gross (I don't like bugs) but i would not have any trouble killing it either, if I had to." Jeez.
  • Day 14 - Kakuna: Yes, everybody could beat up Kakuna. The special circumstance was that the user was a pipe-hittin' person of indeterminate ethnicity with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, and Blairville won the QotD with "I'd run at it and yell FALCON PAUNCH! Then blow torch it and pretend I falcon punched it.", despite the fact that he got his username from a character on Gossip Girl.
  • Day 15 - Beedrill: Hahahahaha no. There is no way anybody could ever beat up a Beedrill. The special condition was that the users were all wearing cumbersome suits of antique armor, and the Qotd goes to Mer_Mer_Yes_Mer with what is probably the most honest QotD yet, "no I would be so scared".
  • Day 16 - BOSS BATTLE WITH REGIGIGAS: No, not at all. The special circumstance was that the users were twice their height and 3 times their weight. They were wearing light clothes which offered no protection from any of Regigigas' attacks, which sucked, but they could move freely in them - so freely, in fact, that they could move much faster than they'd ever be able to without them - not superhero fast, just olympian fast. They also had amazing reflexes in these clothes. They were wearing padded gloves and tough boots. Also - there were two of them, both exactly the same in stature, size, and equipment, and the QotD goes to Natwaf_akidna with "Although, now that I think about it, I'd probably kill my other self first and ignore Regigigas. No way in hell am I letting someone exactly like me live."
  • Day 17 - Pidgey: Some people would roast their Pidgeys over a makeshift fire while others would make hand, Pidgey, wood sandwiches. A whole lot of Pidgey eating going on today. There was no special condition, and Chumpmoney won the QotD with "me? kill a pidgey? let me go get my old senile cat. i don't have time to waste on a pidgey" because it mentioned an old senile cat.
  • Day 18 - Pidgeotto: No, we really couldn't. TimJab said he could withstand getting crashed into by a 66 pound bird, but made no claim to be able to beat it up. McbonesII got the QotD with "btw I'd lose so hard. ****'s got a beak."
  • Day 19 - Pidegeot: Nope. Not a chance. espio4000 won the QotD with "No way. That thing can make a twister. I doubt if my house was animate, it could beat it"
  • Day 20 - Rattata: Oh hell yeah... assuming we had no conscience. The nice guys in the bunch would hug the 'mons. The special condition was that the users had two broken arms, and the QotD goes to Justin_Crossing with, "Loads of zany action, a crazy contraption, the fun is catchin... It's mouse trap." It was pretty clever!

Pokerankings[]

From toughest to wimpiest:

  • 1: Regigigas
  • 2: Beedrill
  • 3: Butterfree
  • 4: Venusaur
  • 5: Pidgeot
  • 6: Charmeleon
  • 7: Blastoise
  • 8: Charizard
  • 9: Pidgeotto
  • 10: Ivysaur
  • 11: Wartortle
  • 12: Charmander
  • 13: Metapod
  • 14: Bulbasaur
  • 15: Pidgey
  • 16: Squirtle
  • 17: Rattata
  • 18: Weedle
  • 19: Caterpie
  • 20: Kakuna

Keep in mind that there were special circumstances on some of these days that changed the rankings, eg: Charizard was easier to beat than Charmeleon because there were two people taking on Charizard.

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