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Who is Crash Bandicoot?[]

Crash Bandicoot is a character who has known much heartbreak in his lifetime. Many write him off as a simple character whose lack of snazzy lone-liners and annoying as hell sidekicks make him a rogue in the platformer industry. Well I am here to set the record straight. The record that has been twisted, bashed, and warped for too long. Crash is just looking for a lasting relationship.

Before he ever sets foot on the video game screen, Crash has already known heartbreak. His creator, Dr. Neo Cortex , the one that, through many biological experiments, altered Crash at a DNA level so that he would become more human. However, Cortex was not happy with Crash, and he labeled him as a "failed" attempt and cast him into shadows. Okay, so he cast him on a nice island with beaches. But still, abandoned!

In the first game, Crash meets up with a variety of characters. The most interesting at first glance would have to be Aku Aku, a floating mask deity of sorts that is a mentor to young Crash. Collecting an Aku Aku mask earns Crash a 'free hit', which can come in handy if you happen to screw up. 3 of them turns Crash invincible from all enemy hits and thus you run and jump and have a good ole time.

The sinister plot that unfoils in this game that one Dr. Neo Cortex, aforementioned creator of Crash, kidnapped his girlfriend, Tawna. Once again this madman has stripped away happiness from Crash's life. However this time Crash isn't going to take it lying down. He assembles an army of he, himself, and a floating mask who is absolutely worthless against bosses and goes out to kick some ass!

Going through a hut, waterfall, volcano, factory office, castle office, and finally atop Cortex's blimp, Crash is able to save his would-be mate from the clutches of Cortex. Now, why Cortex would bother such a devious kidnapping, we do not know at this time. Perhaps, like all cliche trilogies at heart, it will be revealed in time...

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

So, now we embark onto the next saga of Crash's life. However, since last we met our ever-smiling protagonist yet another relationship has fallen apart. His faithful girlfriend, no doubt cruelly tortured by Cortex to the point of insanity, has run off with Pinstripe.

A dramatic drawing of Crash's reaction can be found here:


Can't blame the guy for being a bit puzzled, I mean, what the hell? However, not all is lost for young Crash, he has, seemingly out of no where, gained a super smart little sister, Coco. Well, she's cute enough so Crash is happy now. Yet, once again Crash runs into his old nemesis, Dr. Cortex. However this time the sinister Doc is not so quick to be a bastard towards Crash. In fact he offers him his hand of friendship and gives him overly flattering compliments. However, this friendship is not as pure as it first seems. Cortex has a bit of a favor to ask of Crash. He wishes for Crash to collect 25 crystals from various worlds for some unknown, very vague reason. Seeing an another chance to make a friend, Crash jumps(and spins) at the chance to do whatever Cortex needs. Well, things have gotten a bit more complicated since Crach did the tango with the baddies. Now there are space stations, polar bears with very large teeth trying to chase you down. Now, you might not think a polar bear is very scary. But when said bear is a good 5 times larger than you, you will tend to flee. This, along with the fact that several crates of nitro have been accidentally placed in your way by some exhausted bio worker, and you've got some problems.

However, through it all once again Crash accomplishes his goal, and he is happy to have satisfied his friend! Alas, all is not well, however. Cortex, very unexpectedly I might add, betrays Crash once more and the two have a battle in a space tube. Crash proves his prowess yet again and defeats that silly Cortex. The reason for wanting the crystals, as well as kidnapping Tawna, are still veiled in secrecy. Perhaps the final act of the trilogy holds some clue.

Crash Bandicoot: Warped

Next we see of Crash a great evil disturbs the air, so says the wise and sagely Aku Aku. He is correct. As soon as he says this, his evil twin brother mask, Uka Uka, is released. With this mask, Dr. Neo Cortex and N. Trophy use a time twister to try to defeat Crash and Destroy the world.

A major theme of this Crash Adventure is time. A new 'time trial' mode has been added and the game has become a lot more open. It is my humble opinion that this is one of, if not the best, 3rd platformer to ever exist. Throughout the myriad of times(Medieval, Pirate, Oriental, Dinosaur, Egyptian, and Future) Crash has, once again, proven himself worthy of the task.

But going away from the story for a moment I have to say that this game did a lto of things awesomely right. For one, the Motorcycle levels are some of the most fun platformer levels to EVER exist. There are 4 of them where you race against all sorts of vehicles with all sorts of blockages in your way. From regular cars to UFOs in the dead of night, the Motorcycle races kick a ton of ass. Also they were always fun to do a time trial in against my friends. While many of the other levels were rewarding for their time trial replayability, none so much as the Motorcylce levels.

In this game Crash, instead of being chased by a weak Polar Bear, is chased down by a dinosaur. T-rex scares the hell out of Crash, and I can't say I disagree with his fear. Crash' most fun experience probably comes when he is in a WW2 fighter plane shooting down enemy planes and blimps. When and how Crash Bandicoot got his pilot's license, I'll never know.

At the end of the day Crash throttles Cortex, accompanied by Uka Uka, and is the hero once again.

I don't think it can be understated how awesome both Crash and his character are. When talking about platform legends, even though he was obscured by Mario and Sonic, he is still in there somewhere, even if you have to squint to look.

Oh, and of course, his commercials are legendary. Best the video game world has ever seen, as far as I am concerned.


Classic stuff.

(Writeup courtesy of Sir Chris)

Crash Bandicoot's Contest History[]

Win-Loss Record: 3-8

Summer 2002 Contest - West Division - 2 Seed

  • Western Round 1 --- Defeated (15) Ulala, 36305 [63.23%] - 21111 [36.77%]
  • Western Quarterfinal --- Lost to (7) Sephiroth, 12235 [18.48%] - 53956 [81.52%]
  • Extrapolated Strength --- 36th Place [16.03%]

Summer 2003 Contest - North Division - 10 Seed

  • Northern Round 1 --- Lost to (7) KOS-MOS, 37510 [38.02%] - 61141 [61.98%]
  • Extrapolated Strength --- 50th Place [16.89%]

Summer 2004 Contest - 20XX Division - 14 Seed

  • 20XX Round 1 --- Lost to (3) Master Chief, 22552 [29.28%] - 54469 [70.72%]
  • Extrapolated Strength --- 47th Place [17.54%]

A quick look at Crash's matches reveals that most of GameFAQs truly does think that Crash is a has-been. If it weren't for Crash being overseeded to a disgusting degree in 2002, he may very well be as big a joke in these contests as Gordon Freeman is. But ever since his win against Ulala, he has been killed by Sephiroth, KOS-MOS, and Master Chief. They're all good characters, but Sephiroth aside, Crash made them all look stronger than they really were. Crash may appear in fun games, but like most other platformer characters of the contest, no one really cares anymore.

Summer 2007 Contest - Division 3 - Fourth Group

The abundantly hated platformer finally returned to the contest after being gone for three years. Nobody expected him to do anything. After all, the guy's still hated. Of course, the one thing forgotten in all this is that the format negates anti-votes, the main thing that keeps Crash from doing anything in these contests. Plus, there was the fact that he was easily the most mainstream of all the characters in his first round match. That all worked to his advantage. Although he still came in last place, Crash put up one of the best performances in the contest for a 4th place finisher. He even won a handful of updates outright over the other three characters. This was, without a doubt, his best contest performance, despite the fact that he didn't advance and he came in last place.

Summer 2008 Contest - Division 3 - First Group

  • Division 3 Round 1 --- 3rd place, 20841 [16.89%] - Samus Aran, 64408 [52.19%] - Nightmare, 27999 [22.69%] - Raz, 10162 [8.23%]

Crash continues to make the field despite his lack of new games other than remakes, and this time, he managed to find someone he could finish ahead of, doubling up Raz. However, he was never really in the running to advance out of this fourpack, and it shows.

Winter 2010 Contest - Mushroom Division - 10 Seed

  • Mushroom Round 1 --- Lost to (7) Ryu Hayabusa, 17656 [38.21%] - 28553 [61.79%]
  • Extrapolated Strength --- 124th [12.55%]

All of the chatter surrounding this match was about how Ryu disappointed by putting up only 62%. It's a bit unclear how Crash keeps getting seeded so close to the middle of the pack, but it's clear that his time has passed and his only hope of ever reaching the second round again is to go so far over the edge that he circles around and becomes a legitimate joke entry. However, he doesn't even seem to fit the profile for joke success, because he's a mainstream name and he doesn't have any memes associated with him.

Summer 2013 Contest - Division 3 - 12 Seed

  • Division 3 Round 1 --- 1st place, 11242 [42.59%] - (7) Wheatley, 9702 [36.76%] - (21) Tommy Vercetti, 5449 [20.65%]
  • Division 3 Round 2 --- 3rd place, 6433 [24.24%] - (4) Kirby, 13610 [51.28%] - (3) Elizabeth, 6496 [24.48%]

It has been 11 years, but Crash had finally won his second match. With classic PlayStation characters performing well so far Crash became a popular upset pick to finish over the Portal 2 character which he won without much difficulty. Crash also had a great chance at finishing second in the following round given Elizabeth's sub-par performance. Despite making a comeback from 380 votes down Crash was unable to complete it as Elizabeth stalled out the poll.

Fall 2018 Contest - Division 3 - 5 Seed

  • Division 3 Round 1 --- Defeated (12) Cecil Harvey, 16115 [54.18%] - 13629 [45.82%]
  • Division 3 Round 2 --- Lost to (4) Big Boss, 14601 [47.13%] - 16381 [52.87%]

Crash continues to improve, as he made consecutive Round 2 appearances and got his first 1-on-1 win since 2002. Crash's match with Cecil was in somewhat high debate as many people were unsure if Crash was going to be good enough at all to take down a Square character, but after a brief struggle before the freeze Crash took the match with little struggle. With that being Cecil's fifth match in his winless record Cecil became something of a contest joke after.

What really surprised people was how close he got to Big Boss. Crash outdid Oracle expectations by 8% and early on in the match gave Big Boss quite the scare, only a couple hours in was Big Boss able to truly pull away from him. There are many explanations for how Crash was able to do what he did, such as Big Boss not being able to secure a Naked Snake picture, a much-discussed Pac-Man Apathy Boost (where being forced to vote in all matches is believed to have boosted famous but not especially popular on GameFAQs characters, demonstrated by Donkey Kong, Spyro the Dragon and of course Pac-Man himself), and how much the warmly received N. Sane Trilogy did for him. Regardless of how it happened this contest was easily Crash's best performance ever.