Kamek Rates & Ranks Anything Mario Party-Related was a project created by Kamekguy during May 2020. In the topic, he requested anything remotely adjacent to the Mario Party series to be ranked and rated in a longform list. Ultimately, 315 rankable objects were listed, with Kamek ranking all of them. It was pitiful, but apparently cool I guess.
The Full Rankings[]
Bowser Tier
1. Bowser
2. Bowser Land (MP2)
3. The DK Rap
4. BOWSER’s Big Blast (MP2)
Millennium Star Tier
5. Shy Guy’s Perplex Express (MP8)
6. ? Space
7. Reverse Mushroom (MP3)
8. Wario
9. E Gadd’s Garage (MP6)
10. Boo Bell
11. Wacky Watch (MP3)
12. Horror Land (MP2)
13. Booksquirm (MP4)
14. Shy Guy Says
15. Bonus Stars
16. Control Schtick (MP6)
17. Donkey Kong
18. Leaf Leap (MP5)
19. Castaway Bay (MP6)
20. Strawberry Shortfuse (MP6)
21. Hot Rope Jump (MP2)
22. Beach Volleyball (MP5)
23. Beach Volley Folly (MP4)
24. Mario Party 2 OST
25. Snow Whirled (MP6)
26. Board Ending Stories (MP2)
27. Cube Crushers (MPDS)
28. Sluggish/Slow ‘Shroom Orb (MP6 & MP7)
29. Bowser Revolution (MP1)
30. Hexagon Heat (MP2)
31. Mushroom Mix-Up (MP1)
32. Peak Precision (MP9)
33. Dokapon Kingdom
34. Dungeon Duos (MP4)
35. Magic Lamp
36. Pushy Penguins (MP5)
37. Peach
38. Wario’s “Oh my God!” and “D’oh I missed!”
39. Bowser Party (MP10)
40. Fortune Street
41. Game Guy (MP3)
42. Dry Bones
43. Golden Mushroom
44. Day At The Races (MP2)
45. Mario's Rainbow Castle (Song)
46. Waluigi
47. Last Five Turns Event
48. The Pipe Flipping Over (MP2)
49. Taunts
50. Mini-Game Island (MP1)
51. Luigi
52. Bowser Phone (MP3)
53. Clockwork Castle (MP6)
54. Boo (Playable)
55. Stake Your Claim (SMP)
Super Star Tier
56. Ice Rink Risk (MP3)
57. Fish Upon A Star (MP5)
58. Team Names (MP8)
59. MISS Music (MP1)
60. Daisy
61. 50-Turn Games
62. Garden Battle (MP9)
63. Bubba The Fish (MP1)
64. Space Land (MP2)
65. Bowser Bomb (MP2)
66. Toad's "OKAY"
67. Faire Square (MP6)
68. Mini-Game Decathlon (MP5)
69. Faster Than All (MP1)
70. Neon Heights (MP7)
71. Balloon of Doom (MP4)
72. Bowser’s Magma Mountain (MP1)
73. Sexy Bowser (MP3)
74. Time To Shine (SMP)
75. Mushroom Genie
76. Yoshi’s Tropical Island (MP1)
77. Bowser Tube (MP1)
78. Costumes (MP2)
79. Stamp By Me (MP6)
80. Unique Character Dice Blocks (SMP)
81. Frozen Frenzy (MP5)
82. Bash ’n’ Cash (MP1)
83. The Pity Coin In Battle Games
84. Coney Island (MP5)
85. Hidden Star Blocks
86. Team Names (MP5 & MP6)
87. Domination (MP4)
88. Pirate Guys
89. Lights Out (MP2)
90. Waluigi's Island (MP3)
91. Couldn’t Be Better (MP2)
92. Candies (MP8)
93. Luigi Wins By Doing Absolutely Nothing
94. Spiny Desert (MP3)
95. Blooper (MP8)
96. Koopa Troopa (MP1)
97. Bob-omb X-Ing (MP4)
98. TOAD In The Box (MP2)
99. Toad Boat
100. Partner Party (SMP)
101. Shroom City (MPA)
102. Luigi on Mario Party 9’s Box Art
103. Rockin' Raceway (MP3)
104. Monty Mole (SMP)
105. Baby Bowser Host (MP2)
106. Locked Out (MP3)
107. Cry Bones (MP8)
108. Toad (Playable)
109. Saving Courage (MP1)
110. Mecha Fly Guy (Mini-Game House)
111. Slapparazzi (SMP)
112. Super Hard CPU’s
113. Book It! (MPDS)
114. Skateboard Scamper
115. Crazy Cutter (MP1 & MP2)
116. Plunder Chest (MP2 & MP3)
117. Chance Time
118. Day/Night Mini-Game Differences (MP6)
119. Super Duel Mode (MP5)
120. Towering Treetop (MP6)
121. Insectiride (MP6)
122. Fowl Play (MP3)
123. Shell Shocked (MP2)
124. give me the ball papa
125. Western Land (MP2)
126. Petey Piranha
127. DK’s Treetop Temple (MP8)
128. Happening Star
Happening Star Tier
129. Yoshi
130. Koopa Kid
131. Bowser Suit
132. Grand Canal (MP7)
133. Face Lift (MP1 & MP2)
134. Bowser Nightmare (MP5)
135. Bowser’s Bigger Blast (MP4)
136. 2003
137. Super Mario Party
138. MC Ballyhoo
139. Dunk Bros (MP6)
140. Cake Factory (MP2)
141. Controlling Your Character On The Mini-Game Info Screen
142. Honeycomb Havoc (MP2)
143. Block Star
144. Grab Bag (MP1)
145. Bumper Balls
146. Mario Party 4
147. Soap Surfers (MPDS)
148. The Big Boo (MP2)
149. Pyramid Park (MP7)
150. Plush Crush (MPDS)
151. Commercial (MP1)
152. Goomba’s Greedy Gala (MP4)
153. Opening Cinematic (MP1)
154. Tiny Characters (MPDS)
155. Baby Bowser
156. Item Bag (MP3)
157. Rocket Rascals (MPDS)
158. Bowser In Story Mode (MP3)
159. Card Party (MP5)
160. Pedal Power (MP1)
161. Lottery Shop (MP4)
162. Kamekguy
163. "Good Choice!" (MP3)
164. Toy Dream (MP5)
165. Aces High (MP3)
166. Hudson-Soft
167. Practicing Mini-Games
168. Bowser’s Unique Enemy Dialogue (MP10)
169. Mushroom
170. Ridiculous Relay (MP3)
171. Control Stick Spinning (MP1)
172. Mt. Mariomore (MP3)
173. Pirate Land (MP2)
174. Text Speed Option
175. Random Ride (MP5)
176. Poison Mushroom (MP3)
177. Hedge Honcho (MPDS)
178. Mario's Puzzle Party (MP3)
179. Driver’s Ed (MP2)
180. Choosing Not To Buy A Star
181. Look Away (MP2)
182. Skeleton Key (MP3)
183. Shake It Up (MP8)
184. 2v2 With One Hard CPU on one team and an Easy CPU On The Other
185. Bumper Balloon Cars (MP2)
186. Mario Party 8
187. DK Space
188. Mushroom Shop Clerk (MP1)
189. ND-Cube
190. Platform Peril
191. Duel Via Last 5 Turns Event
192. Mix-And-Match Amiibo Party Boards (MP10)
193. NEW RECORD!
194. What Goes Up - Daytime (MP6)
195. Bombs Away
Red Star Tier
196. Lucky Lamp
197. Goomba’s Booty Boardwalk (MP8)
198. Steamer
199. Conveyor Bolt (MP6)
200. Creepy Cavern (MP3)
201. Mario Party Boss Battles
202. Wiggler (MP2)
203. Toadette
204. Guest Characters In Mario Party
205. Windmillville (MP7)
206. Talking Parrot (MP1)
207. “Heeheehee, I Got It!” - Mario
208. Toadsworth
209. Mystery Land (MP2)
210. Piranha’s Pursuit (MP1)
211. Chilly Waters (MP3)
212. Goomba Idols (MP8)
213. Snowflake Lake (MP6)
214. Toad’s Post-N64 Voice
215. Twila (MP6)
216. Hotel Goomba (MP5)
217. Mario Party 1 Cartridge
218. Blowhard (MP3)
219. The Inflatable Thwomps From The Great Deflate (MP4)
220. Accidentally Hitting Start During Rotation Mini-Games (MP1)
221. Luigi’s hat
222. Ice Hockey (MP5)
223. Snifit Patrol (MP2)
224. Sizzling Stakes (SMP)
225. Mic Easter Eggs (MP6)
226. Woody's 777 Coins Message (MP2)
227. Mario’s hat
228. Mario
229. Deep Bloober Sea (MP3)
230. Shy Guy’s Jungle Jam (MP4)
231. Lava Tile Isle (MP2)
232. Snowball Summit (MP3)
233. King Boo's Haunted Hideaway (MP8)
234. 4 Easy CPU Game
235. Monopoly
236. Default 10-Turn Games (SMP)
237. Tumble (MP3)
238. Instruction Manual (MP7)
239. Warukio
240. Gathering Coins Mid Mini-Game
241. Crane Game
242. Warp Pipe
243. Fun Gus (MP1)
244. Stacked Deck (MP3)
245. Ztar
246. Chance Time Music (MP3)
247. MiniMega Hammer (MP4)
248. Red Star
249. Abandon Ship (MP2)
250. Big Top Drop (MP5)
251. Rosalina
252. Brighton (MP6)
253. Bowser Toss (MP3)
254. Aliens (MP5-7)
255. Koopa’s Seaside Soiree (MP4)
256. Coin Block Blitz (MP1)
257. Stardust Battle (MP3)
258. Hammer Bro
259. The Miracle Book (MP6)
260. Pirate Dream (MP5)
261. Shock, Drop, or Roll (MP2)
262. Mushroom Jeanie
263. Mini-Game Shop (MP1)
264. Coward Gloves (MP1)
265. Curvy Curbs (MP5)
266. The Car (MP9 & MP10)
267. Toad's Midway Madness (MP4)
268. Peach’s Birthday Cake (MP1)
269. Birdo
Mario Party DS Tier
270. Sonic Shuffle
271. Kamek Capsule (MP5)
272. Pause Buffering On Wario’s Battle Canyon (MP1)
273. Duel Mode (MP3)
274. Dueling Glove (MP2)
275. Luigi’s Engine Room (MP1)
276. Granite Getaway (MP6)
277. Amiibo Party Mode (MP10)
278. Mario Party 8’s UI
279. GameCube Microphone (MP6 & MP7)
280. Rules Land (MP2)
281. M.P.I.Q. (MP3)
282. Kamek (MP2)
283. Competing For Last
284. Being The Party Star (MP4)
285. Dizzy Dancing (MP2)
286. Battle T
287. Playing Mario Party Alone
288. Eternal Star - 50 Turns (MP1)
289. True Millennium Star (MP3)
290. Crossroads Both Leading To Red Spaces
291. Motion Controls
292. Memory Match (MP1)
293. Future Dream (MP5)
294. Banning Waluigi because he gives you an unfair advantage
295. Sparky Sticker (MP4)
296. Sweet Dream (MP5)
297. Shrek Super Party
298. Koopa Banker
299. Crate & Peril (MP6)
300. Duel Game Themes (MP6)
301. Spotlight Swim (MP3)
302. The Beat Goes On (MP3)
303. Big Top (MP8)
304. Bowser Cake
305. Rudder Madness (MP8)
306. Miracle Capsule (MP5)
307. Spike Koopa
308. End Of The Line (MP3)
309. Mario Party DS
310. No Boo (MP1)
311. Cast Aways (MP1)
312. Kamek's Library (MPDS)
313. Smash Tour (Smash Wii U)
314. Mario Party: The Top 100
315. Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival
ALL Write-Ups (In Order Of Nomination)[]
Slapparazzi (SMP)
Funny game is funny. Positioning is based on timing your punch right before the camera flash, meaning that the usual jank of Mario Party character models is mitigated somewhat by there being a proper, if not easily detected, timing to shove the big-body boys out of the way. Everyone has a good time and actively screams at each other and insults the body types of Mario characters. Very good game, if a bit imprecise and questionable as to how exactly it determines who's the most prominent in the photo sometimes.
Kamek (MP2)
Yo low-key, Darkness Lamp sucks. You pay 10 coins in Horror Land in order to shift time from Day to Night. The issue with this is, there are more than 10 spaces in between the Darkness Lamp and Big Boo, who will steal coins or stars from all three players only at night, AND Big Boo is behind a skeleton key door, so you can't mushroom to guarantee Big Boo. Using the lamp also turns it to night immediately, meaning that once your turn ends, you'll shift to late night, essentially giving you one turn to roll high and get Big Boo. The only time the Darkness Lamp is useful is if you're at the top left-corner of the board to start the turn (or bottom-left Mr I Warp), roll very high, AND it's early day AND you have a Skeleton Key, or someone's about to go into the 2-boo alley through the center of the map and you wanna immobilize Whomp to prevent that... which only really matters if you have the star lead. And worst of all? This bastard is the one sober enough after an all-night bender in a mansion to wake up and ask if you want to fund his party, then not invite you to it. He's an ass who brings alcohol to a party and then acts too superior and noble to drink it. Kamek sucks.
Booksquirm (MP4)
Probably among the best 4-player mini-games in the series. There are few arguments that cannot be solved with a game of Booksquirm. It is fair, it is relentless, and it is always tense. And it has the stupid goofy "eh, whatever happens happens" music going on in the background. The chance for dicking your friends over is minimal due to no jumps to cause the 'flatten' state, and in spite of that, you can STILL get accusations of shoving someone into the crush zone. It's the envy of mini-games and deserves its spot as a legend.
Control Stick Spinning (MP1)
Some would say scarring and blistering your hand is a detriment, but that's a FEATURE. The reason it sucked so much was that the N64 control stick was the equivalent of driving a plastic spoon into your hand after chewing on it for a while and rubbing it down. With alternate controllers, it still burns, but it goes from "intolerable" to "it hurts". Thus, spinning mini-games become a battle of "is it really worth destroying my hand for these coins?" This becomes wonderful in games like Paddle Battle or Tug-O-War, where the 1 player in the 1v3 can try to talk the other team into throwing so that their hands will survive, and if ONE of the three decides "yeah sorry this baby board game isn't worth physical pain", then everyone is upset, two people are in pain for no reason, and one person is laughing the pain away. It's not GOOD, physical pain is a bad thing in general, but it is VERY Mario Party to find joy in suffering.
Bumper Balls (MP1 & MP2)
Some would say that Bumper Balls is a fun game of bumper cars but with fun balls. They are wrong. Some would say that Bumper Balls is a game that always ends in a draw because two players bump into each other infinitely at the end. They are also wrong. Bumper Balls is a game of politics, plain and simple. The lower players wordlessly communicate to bounce each other into the winning player, knocking them out. Once the undesirables are eliminated, you have roughly 30 seconds to debate who deserves 10 coins more and what they can do in order for you to give them the win. As this counts toward the mini-game star, this is FAR more valuable than trying to convince them not to steal from you with Boo. It is the stage of destiny on which alliances are formed. But... yeah it kinda sucks 1v1 if your opponent isn't willing to play ball. The hilly variation in 2 helps that, though! I wish it were the only one there! Evens out to about middle of the road, entirely dependent on who you're playing with if it's good or boring.
MP1 Bower Balls > MP2 Star Balls
Toadette
Man, Toad just wasn't the same after he gargled salt water and rusted nails down his throat when the Gamecube came out. Toadette represents the lesser of two evils - you want to be cute mushroom, but you don't want to have an ear-piercing screech. However, she faces stiff competition from Peach and Daisy in the "girl power" department, and from Yoshi and Boo in the "cute" department. AND she is gated behind a 30 star wall in Mario Party 6, something that you COULD spend unlocking Clockwork Castle or more CPU difficulties. She's FINE, but she's far from an instantly appealing choice.
Lights Out (MP2)
Actually a rather clever way of solving the issue with Mario Party 1's hammers! Bash 'n' Cash and Coin Block Blitz were supremely gimped by how predictable the hammer was (B&C less so because that's just delicious cruelty incarnate), simply by removing the ability to see the hammer player. Actual jump scares can happen if the hammer player's any good, and the lightbulb players not being able to jump is especially nice. Vertical slam is absolutely useless, not only is its range worse, but horizontal slam leaves the corpses of the fallen for their living counterparts to trip on, making circling the perimeter rough. It's a pretty fair game for all four players, good fighting game. Not quite tippity top tier as neither role feels ENTIRELY great to be (hammer feels clunky at times and the powerlessness of the light bulb players limits options to constantly making survival-based mind games), but it's very good.
Duel Mode (MP3)
SO much better in concept than it is in practice. Some of the maps (Backtrack, Mr. Mover) are actively unplayable, and the rest range from bad to "yeah I guess Blowhard's alright". Giving each character their own signature partner is a great idea, but Wario and DK might as well not exist with how bad their starters are (Wario a lot moreso). Needing to change a partner with every Start loop and the Lucky Roulette only showing up every three turns makes crafting a party just unfun. The Miss chance ruins the limited number of interactions the players actually have (there is NOTHING worse than succeeding the 2/5ths roll for Baby Bowser to transform, only for Bowser to miss), and Piranha Plant's kinda broken if you have 20 or more coins, they did NOT need to give his 'extra dice' gimmick to that partner. The worst thing, though, is the "Restore Heart Pieces" chance on the Happening Spaces - absolutely disheartening to get one of these as it just resets the game state. So much of this mode can be boiled down to "I sure do hope I roll high enough to continue stalling the game and maybe run out the clock", which is an absolute shame. There are so many little things that could be done - having Pipesqueak have a consistent rotation like Eternal Star that can get reset to another system, choosing one of three random partners from each Start pass, introducing just the Poison and Reverse Mushrooms to the game, reducing Thwomp's salary or swapping him with your partner in back after he's crushed someone - that would bring out this mode's full potential. But for the most part it's just... bad. The song's a bop, though. Not the Story Mode one, that one sucks.
Faire Square (MP6)
The shell game to the right side of the board is just a free star during the Day. That's the only real flaw with this board; that game being too easy overcentralizes the mechanics, making it "get a star in the center at night, head to the right side during the day, swoop back in at night if it's lower than 20, get more cup stars if it's higher". The conceit of the board is amazing - high price haggling to cash in all of your chips at once, gambling to make the high count not snowball too much and leave those who get a slow start in the dust, and a high-interest area to booby trap the crap out of with orbs. Orb placement shines in this board due to that, and it's a great place to grind stars to get Clockwork/make everyone feel important in spite of you being much better at Mario Party than them. It's really only got that one issue keeping it from greatness - no complaints with the rest, even the star-gambling Happening Space.
Mushroom Mix-Up (MP1)
This is the classic. I mean, I assume it sucks if you're colorblind, then it may not be a classic, but there's so many good strats to this game. Jumping into the water just as the mushroom start to rise to psyche your opponents out, ground pounding on an opponent hogging the edge in order to return to center, body blocking when they're desperately trying to leap to safety, "Long Live The King"ing them into the briny abyss. I also appreciate Toad being the host, so often are one of Bowser's minions in charge of a mini-game, but Toad proves to be just as cruel of a taskmaster as Hammer Bro or Shy Guy. Just a relief and fun whenever it shows up on the roulette. Has a better aesthetic than Hexagon Heat, too.
Mario
I understand why you would pick Mario in Mario Party and Mario Party 2. If Luigi's taken, you still need someone to be heroic, despite the lack of personality and inferior voice lines. You may delude yourself into thinking you're an altruistic destined hero, but this is Mario Party. If you're playing with that line of logic, your soul animal is already Wario, so either you're deluding yourself or someone's already picked him. And I guess you just hate animals and girls or whatever, or don't want the CPU's in 2 to pick a character who likes Mushrooms instead of the far more situational Skeleton Keys or Warp Blocks.
That excuse goes out the window as soon as Waluigi and Daisy come in and have personality pouring out of their single-polygon ears. Mario is the equivalent of white bread: all filler, no killer. You lack the exceptional voice lines of Wario or Luigi, the obnoxiousness of Peach, the cuteness of Yoshi, the weird jank hitboxes of Waluigi or DK... you simply exist. You serve your function... okay, I guess, but that's about it. You do not become a Mario main by choice, you do it out of circumstance. Or you really, REALLY love Super Mario 64 and that is the ONLY Mario game you love other than Mario Party, which means you have incredibly specific and strange tastes.
Every time Mario gets to be unique, he's a disappointment. Partner in duel mode? Koopa Troopa, a boring choice that's uber-defensive, but lacks the economy advantage of Peach or taking the intentional nerf in picking DK's Whomp. You're not keeping things interesting or playing to win, you're just... playing, I guess. Fireball orb in 7? Worse Bowser Suit, with all of the "potential to roll low" drawbacks, and none of the incredibly broken benefits of Peach, Boo, or Toad's orbs. Even his dice block in Super is incredibly boring: 1-3-3-3-5-6. The spread lacks the consistency of Daisy or Shy Guy, and has the exact same odds as just rolling the damn regular dice, unless you REALLY hate the numbers 2 or 4 VERY specifically. But in almost every scenario, another block is going to be better or more interesting (except maybe Yoshi's, poor Yoshi).
There are only two redeeming qualities to Mario that keep him out of the dredges of Mario Party. The first is that in MP2 and MP3, during the last five turns, a Whomp has a chance of showing up and predicting who will win. Whomp is such a Mario fanboy that he will pick Mario EVERY time, giving him 10 coins. I am glad that GameFAQs Mario followed suit with a last-minute boost every time, as Mario rigging things in his favor by being Freakin' Mario is canon based on this. He also has an incredible taunt in 7 where, instead of annoying grunts and sounds, Mario yells out "Hey, Stinky!" This is a top-tier taunt, and while it's not worth choosing Mario because of his low-tier personal orb, it is pretty exceptional. But that's about it. You aren't playing Mario Party for Mario; it ain't Smash, he isn't inherently fun, he simply is.
Mario Party 8
A tale of two games. You have some of the best boards in the series (with one being in contention for THE best board) filled with strategy, proper uses for every candy (and the candy oozes charm with its effects), some of the best 2v2 minigames, Blooper as a playable character who is utterly adorable, and that one funny moped game where a Thwomp rides a moped.It also has some of the most luck-based, "go through the motions" boards since 1 with none of 1's utter propensity to dick players over, perhaps THE WORST selection of 4-player mini-games in the entire series, the worst final boss, the worst Bowser board, and the Golden Space that utterly destroys any sense of other strategy as "just target that space" will see you through MAJORLY. Mc Ballyhoo also exists, and I like him - he's perfectly annoying and his HAW HAW HAW sound clips are very easy to mockingly imitate. Being frustrated is good in Mario Party. Ultimately, I do prefer having good boards to having good mini-games, especially in the randomized bonus star world where being the best at mini-games guarantees nothing (a mark against it but whatever). I find 8 neither a step up or down from 7 - just making it a lot more uneven in between the 'good' and 'bad'. It's a Mario Party of extremes.
Chance Time
Next to the Bowser Space, definitely the space that varies the most in quality from game to game! MP1 had a really unique system where every time a Star was obtained, the space that it occupied would turn into a Chance Time space. 2 had a center dice block with totally consistent cycles based on what turn it was that started in the same place in the cycle every time, making it THE most abusable Chance Time in the series. From then on, it started getting weirder - 3 stopped letting you choose the order of the wheels, 4 turned it into a weird pachinko machine, 5 and 6 had a rough system where if you were on a team, you could target your teammate and then the whole thing would be considered defunct, and then 7 gave the thing a damn failure chance making it completely neutered. It's peaked at 2 and has gotten weaker with every iteration of Mario Party, until it's a sad shadow of its former self, like Blizzard or WWE Return Kurt Angle. Accounting for its bullshit with unstealable bonus stars is part of the game, so I fully encourage its presence, but later game weakness makes it a lot more depressing an entry. At least we still have the memories, you can never take away from the legend.
Hexagon Heat (MP2)
It's slightly better than Mushroom Mix-Up because it's in a less shitty world in Mini-Game Coaster than Mix-Up's world in Mini-Game Island. Cast Aways bullshit.
Day At The Races
That explains and breaks down all the odds for every single racer. The fact that childhood beliefs of "oh Whomp looks sad" or "Boo has the best odds" are, in fact, TRUE is great. It becomes a lot closer to actual horse racing this way. I'm always a fan of luck-based mini-games being Battle games; putting a ton at risk and only having your gumption to get through is fantastic. Screaming at Boo for tripping when he has no feet, Whomp defeating people by just trying very hard and his forehead counting as crossing the finish line, Bob-omb choosing to end his own life and light himself on fire just to win a race - all fantastic. Too bad Thwomp sucks. And that DatR is only the second-best luck-based battle game in its own game.
Monty Mole (SMP)
Honestly he's more flexible than Mario and Yoshi. Utterly adorable animations, a brilliant choice to round out Bowser's villains crew. Also has the best contextual animation in the entire game, where when he has to bop another Monty Mole during a mini-game, his eyes shoot wide open and he looks so distressed. That's the kind of little detail I LIVE for.
Wiggler (MP2)
The Hootenanny event is only weakened due to the board that it's on. Western Land has two Boos, so there really isn't a good place on the perimeter to stick it for the sake of space denial. Swap its placement with the Item Shop and it's SUPER deadly and worth it. That said, getting everyone blackout drunk on milk is always fun. I do think that the Wario's Battle Canyon Fly Guy and his 10 coin cost is better bang for your buck than Wiggler's 20 coin cost, but Wiggler accusing you of hating parties and fun if you don't want everyone to get drunk on milk is pretty solid. And it CAN be used for temporary denial... it's just not as strong since you put everyone roughly 3 turns away from Boo. Sub-par in pretty much all regards.
The Big Boo (MP2)
The epitome of "cool but impractical". Due to being night-only AND behind a skeleton key door, you're in a rough place trying to get him unless you're going first and are on a mid-day cycle. Even then, it is going to be incredibly rare that you're going to 1. get 150 coins in order to steal three stars and 2. have three targets to steal from. It is far more economical and effective to go through the middle Boo row. However, there is one element that The Big Boo does very well: fear. Absolute terror that someone might get the most devastating power in the entire game overrides the logic that it's not actually that great. There is no point in choosing to play on Horror Land and NOT trying to flex on everyone by hitting Big Boo.
Shake It Up (MP8)
Amazingly, competitive jerking it is one of the most enjoyable mini-games of the MP8 bunch. Everyone has a good time.
Space Land (MP2)
In a game with great board music and themes, this has arguably the best one. Neon highways with stoned drivers, Black Hole Bowser in his crappy Robotnik mech, an efficient police force that has to be bribed to do its damn job - it's a fun board to look at. Balance-wise, it probably has one of the best Skeleton Key gates in the series, letting you avoid a bank space, escape a potential Happening Space infinite, access a Chance Time, AND see Boo. Actual uses for Skeleton Keys in MP2 are ALWAYS a good thing. The board is small enough with enough branching paths that you're never stuck in one area unless you're sitting in the top left and didn't get an item to let you escape it (which... why would you do that? What are you even doing, the shop was RIGHT THERE). Bowser's countdown, however, is unfortunately pretty weak. The diagonal he shoots at is only useful if you're trying to get positional advantage toward the star, and usually that'll be an early-game move. In order to really abuse the countdown in the middle, you need to make a conservative effort to abuse the loop on the right with a Mushroom, at which point... whatcha doin', mate? You could be getting Boo with that, who is intensely tempting and gets out of the Bowser Beam's way in a hurry. Bowser Bomb remains a more efficient way of screwing everyone out of all of their coins. Its item game is good, nice and learnable, and its duel game is one of the better ones, but requires a learning curve for when the damn time bomb actually starts counting down. It's the poster child for "great board design", but it doesn't quite slip into the tippity top tiers. Probably the 3rd best board in one of the strongest board selections in the series.
Inflatable Thwomps From The Great Deflate (MP4)
Spiky Thwomp > Blue Thwomp. The only exception to this is in Mario Kart 64, where they have the evil pitched-down Wario laugh and mock you for hitting them. With that said, it's a pretty good demonstration of the Gamecube's finesse in rendering objects, but if it were really good, it'd get sadder as you deflate it. And it's in a weird mix of Totem Pole Pound and Balloon Burst, which were better on their own than they were mixed together. I guess I like the sound design, though.
Tumble (MP3)
Insofar as hosts go, he's one of the weaker ones. You never really get a good read on the guy's personality - sometimes he's encouraging you to fight forward, other times he's worried and underestimating you that no one can POSSIBLY get THIS star. The fact that his host duties are undermined by the Millennium Star in most situations also limits his appeal. I guess he gets being the one plot twist in the Mario Party series, but Honestly the Fake Millennium Star was better anyway. AND turned everyone into weird dolls in a cardboard world. Tumble just kinda sat around like the DBZ Supreme Kai and let everything happen.. He's CUTE but he's... kind of absolutely nothing else AND is overshadowed as a host in his own game? At least he gets Mario Party Advance cameos?
Skeleton Key (MP3)
Its usefulness absolutely depends on the board. In Waluigi's Island, it's nearly useless, a Reverse Mushroom or a regular Mushroom will accomplish what it can do a good 80% of the time. In Chilly Waters, it's a godsend in order to get a fast Boo without needing to traverse the entire map or risk your Golden Mushroom on a random slippery slope. On Spiny Desert, having it and a Reverse Mushroom and heading to the top right of the map is nearly busted, can easily hit Boo three times in two turns. However, this is the thing you're gonna be discarding more than anything else. It is pure disappointment when you get a Hidden Block and the only thing inside is a Skeleton Key. Baby Bowser will clog your inventory with this junk and you'll throw away at least two in the process of trying to get more item. I like that they took the joke of it clogging up the inventory of MP2 and rolled with it, but the movement options offered in MP3 makes it less useful than in MP2. Also the keys are less cute in this game, that's an issue. It's a good option, especially since it's available in both shops, but rarely is it the best option or particularly exciting to have. More just stumbling into something half-decent.
Waluigi's Island (MP3)
Probably the 2nd best board in Mario Party 3! Too bad that doesn't mean as much when only three of the boards are particularly good! The lore of this board is so strong - Waluigi hiring Piranha Plants and his own construction company to destroy Luigi's house and make a stupid, booby-trapped island is kind of amazing. I like the Happening Space Circle to farm Happening Star here a lot more than I do in Spiny Desert, as you're essentially giving up Coin Star due to the big dynamite gimmick. Central splitter is a beginner's trap (you just hit the button when the arrow you want to go in is lit up, you'll get the timing right at every speed), and the Island of Rotating Spaces is really damn fun, very nasty idea that it has two Star Spawns right up there. However, it has the absolute worst Skeleton Key gates in the entire series, and it locks Boo and a star spawn behind an unskippable 50/50 chance check. I know that Bowser's Magma Mountain did something similar, but that fit in with the far more dickish nature of Mario Party 1. Locking you out of Boo - THE prime source of all strife, inter-personal debates, and grudges in Mario Party board play - is never a strong idea. The utter chaos of the dynamite pile and isle o' many spaces makes up for it, but keeps it from tasting true greatness. This is a board where everyone suffers; you will not actively lose friends playing it unless you adamantly insisted that you play on this board.
Koopa Kid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inWQAC5Zk5c#t=56m18s
Timestamp pretty much sums up my feelings on Koopa Kid: he’s an intentional child troll, and it’s pretty great. Technically, Koopa Kid only showed up in the Gamecube Mario Parties - Baby Bowsers were the guys in Mario Party through MP3, though they slide into their role nicely starting in MP3. Koopa Kid has his highs and his lows - he effectively brings the Bowser Space to its lowest point in MP4 by locking all of Bowser’s fun events behind his stupid mug showing up instead. However, when he’s allowed to be next to Bowser is when he can really shine - Koopa Kid desperately fanning Bowser in order to calm him down is pretty fantastic. Him being an utter joke in Super Duel Mode in 5 also really establishes his place as “completely pathetic”. You play Koopa Kid when you’re trying to be ironic, or you really desperately want to play as Bowser and are willing to settle for the most pitiful alternative out there. However… I really hate him in single-player once he splits into three. Those designs are just IMPRESSIVELY ugly in all regards.
… Honestly I’ve come down harder on the little guy than I’ve wanted to. He’s annoying in every respect, but he absolutely sends a message when you’re playing as him: you want to win with the worst that’s out there. Playing as him lets your friends know that you are not worthy of respect, but if they lose to you, they are beneath that which has no dignity. He IS Mario Party, in all of its hatred and disappointment. If we count Baby Bowser he’s MUCH higher, but I feel like being pedantic today.
Game Guy (MP3)
First off, Shy Guy with a bow tie. You may not like it, but this is what peak character design looks like.
With how much weaker the Bowser Space is in MP3, I'm so glad that we get a space with some TEETH to it. Guaranteed risk all of your coins in order to put it all on the line is REALLY strong. Better yet, every single option that is not a pure x2 multiplier is intensely risky, so whilst you CAN go for an absolutely ridiculous result, it's intensely unlikely to happen, and requires a roll that no one would want to get in order to make it happen (you're not gonna risk 75 coins on Game Guy when you have enough to both get a Magic Lamp and steal a star with that total). Honestly, he's got a shockingly fair casino - Lucky 7's is blackjack where you win in a tie, and the guy actively tells you if he falls off and you're on 1 "there is literally no risk to rolling again to try to max out your coins". Sweet Surprise has a consistently reliable bet in Big Chomp. Magic Boxes is just straight up a coin flip with Press Your Luck mechanics. The ONLY one where you're likely to lose coins from the outset is Game Guy Roulette. It says a lot that the Bowser Phone is a common item, but Game Guy's Lucky Charm is a rare one - nothing has shake-up potential quite like this guy. I might have liked it if the item version let the user choose how many coins were being wagered, but I love the space as an all-or-nothing. It's a great addition that I wish would return, perhaps with a few more mini-games so that the very consistent Sweet Surprise showed up a little less often.
Super Duel Mode (MP5)
The flavor on this mode is off the charts. Every character getting their own, named vehicle that you have to fight them in the finals in order to figure out? An actual incentive to playing specific types of mini-games? Hosted by the nerd star who would totally be into mecha? Nice. There's actually a lot of really cute conveniences to this mode - being able to save vehicles to a specific memory card so you can grind one out on your own save file to fight a friend's, Donkey Kong being unlockable along with all of his random-stat parts and death banana cannon, variations slowly scaling with the difficulty? Sure, there are better weapons and builds than others, but the possibility and flexibility is really fun to see! It's great to see Mario Party give a reason to have coins, and while that would be improved eventually with the Duty-Free Shop in 7 (I think tying it to Stars in 6 wasn't entirely great comparatively), it doesn't quite have the cool factor of this one. It's not the best diversion of 5, not when Card Party exists... but I mean, it's better than actually playing Mario Party 5! That counts for something, right?
The Car (MP9 & MP10)
Yup don't like it. Not because it's non-traditional - please, the last three games were stuffed to the brim with non-traditional gimmick boards - but because it removes some of the better systems from previous games. The scope of items is toned down drastically from the Orb/Candy heydays since you can't really safeguard or trap spaces anymore, only doing things to affect yourself. You can still dick other players over, but usually only the one directly behind you. You do have to consider your position and where your roll with put the others behind you, but with three turns to consider and a wide range of rolls, that doesn't do you as much good as it could. For a few boards, and DEFINITELY for Bowser Party where this format shines, I think it could've been a good gimmick. But the fact that it overtakes the entire system is frustrating and limiting. Shoots itself in its own wheels.
Kamek's Library (MPDS)
The worst classic-style board in the entire series Do you like Mystery Land, going around in loops forever? Well, what if we made it so that there are ONLY two or three happening spaces on each isolated area instead of, like, 8? And THEN what if we added the Neon Heights gimmick of having three Star Spaces that you have to pay slightly less for, but one of them sends you back to start! In a board where it's AGONIZING to target any place OTHER than the start area? Oh, but a Warp Block could fix that, assuredly... except in Mario Party DS, the Warp Block was changed so that instead of swapping with another player, you're just teleported to a random space. In a board with an event where Kamek rotates everyone around is the non-teleportation based Happening Event. You might be able to say there's some merit to hexing the spaces around the teleporters... but that's the easy, dominant strategy. EVERYONE is going to want to do that, so strategy becomes overcentralized or just a rush to pick up the absurdly low-priced Star Pipe in this game. Absolutely the worst "fake star" map in the series due to the mitigated usefulness of Mushrooms, one of the worst "segmented map" boards in the series, combined with the absolute weakest item selection of games that actually have items. And wonderfully plodding, tinny music. An utterly miserable time.
Mario Party 2 OST
I use it commonly in videos, because I think 1 and 2 have absolutely killer OST's for mood. Woody's theme is the most failure-iffic song, all of the board themes have very strong melodies, with Space Land and Western Land being utterly exceptional in that regard. "This Way That" is probably the most 'cartoon hijinx' song that you could ask for (weird that it's strapped to Crane Game of all things instead of, like, Grab Bag), and the credits theme starts out incredibly strong, matching or surpassing MK64 or SM64's in just comfortable emotional impact... and then it goes a little goofy and simply becomes very good and comforting. Sound design in this game is just fantastic all around, matching cartoon hijinx whilst still retaining strong melodies. I don't think it's QUITE as good as Mario Party 1's - it's hard to match Mario's Rainbow Castle and the Credits theme there, Mitsuda does some awesome work - but I'd call it standout music insofar as its ability to fit a theme. If it were in a video or something, I'd smile and be able to pick out the song immediately as from Mario Party 2, and probably remember the mini-game and tone, so it's more than doing its job.
Toad becoming playable starting in MP5
Man, Toad was a king in the N64 days. Sitting there, watching you play whatever, suffering through Mini-Game Island, then revealing that he's an absolute boss at Mario Party and thrashing you at Slot Car Derby. Encouraging you, "aw c'mon champ, you can beat me THIS time”. Guy gets kidnapped by Bowser, doesn’t even flinch, just keeps selling you stars like usual. You can’t beat Metal Bowser after Bowser reveals he had a zenkai boost after Mario 64 to make him Giant Swing-immune? Toad tosses you the Spirit Bomb of star power in order to toss him across the galaxy. Even in Mario Party 3, where his role was greatly reduced, the man can smell your greed and refuses to reward you for being an ass with his item questions, and insults your intelligence in MPIQ. Things started going downhill for Toad with 4, where he proved that he was inessential as a host, and his Bowser Bop mini-game was easy and dragged him down to mortal status. Out of the characters we received in 5, Toad made the most sense for joining the party - he’s a good choice, you have people enjoying him for being THE STRONGEST in Mario 2, and he fulfills a niche of “tiny but mighty” that none of the other characters filled. Was it worth what we lost? Absolutely not, Pink Boo and Chain Chomp are crappy substitutes for the sheer beauty that was Boo Classic, and I lost my main and identity that day, scrambling to figure out what to do. But Toad’s addition as playable? Absolutely fine. Good, smart idea even, bringing the God down to Earth slowly through several games until it didn’t seem unfair to use his power.
Kamekguy
Shocking proof that you need absolutely zero technical skill in order to win at Mario Party. His ability to actually win mini-games against opponents that aren't children or computers is shockingly low, his button-mashing ability is inconsistent and only works in 3-second spurts rather than endurance games (good at Abandon Ship, awful at Mecha Marathon), and his luck is unimpressive. But damn he talks a lot and likes hitting the map button. Board strategy is big for him, and either he will pull ahead in the Last Five Turns and hope to steal the Coin Star in order to overcome the mini-game star deficit or pull ahead and lose by Bonus Stars if he didn't get the chance to farm Happening. Said "no" to getting a Star once and it paid off. Only occasionally first place, but his save file says that Donkey Kong's won on Horror Land, like, 57 times more than the 2nd place finisher, and is very, very seldom last place. Is very bad at Chance Time.
Unique Dice For Each Character
Honestly I'm a fan of the concept. Does it make certain characters just blatantly better than others? Yeah, but it adds a really neat strategic element to the game that could be helped with the ally system. Honestly, it's the Ally System forcing you to take a +1-2 to your roll that ruins the system - you could have so much depth with so many characters if you were able to keep a consistent dice roll whilst collecting dice to improve your options, just move the player off of the Ally space after getting one so that Donkey Kong doesn't have a 60% chance to farm allies all game, or make them a resource to purchase that moves like Stars. It's a really good and interesting mechanic that kneecaps itself with board implementation, but the idea itself is REALLY interesting. Plus you can just gentleman not to use character dice if you really love Yoshi and now he sucks or you really love Bowser and now your friends won't play with you anymore.
Mix-and-Match Board Customization in Amiibo Party
A really cool idea, but the lack of junctions severely cripple the overall effectiveness of the board. There's some really cool stuff in here, like how Wario's board pieces rep both WarioWare and Wario Land, or how Bowser's board forces Bowser mini-games to happen. Individual character motifs for each section are also really good, even if DK can't ever get a song that isn't DK Island Swing in any spin-off ever. The only problem is that it's as straightforward of a board game as you can get. If you could arrange different pieces - have part of the Luigi board start in Luigi's mansion, but then cross into the WarioWare Game Factory at a diagonal, for instance - and just close off the junctions or act as teleporters or something if the pieces wouldn't fit together, it'd open up so many possibilities for exceptional, flexible board designs. Mario Party is full of stuff where the idea is GREAT but the execution is an afterthought.
Mario Party 1 Cartridge
It's alright. Mario's big mug punching up a dice block, yup, that's Mario Party. If you please, you can imagine that he wants to fist bump you rather than punch you in the jaw, and I would assume that would be more pleasant. Nintendo 64 carts lack end labels unless you make them yourself, though, which make them a lot less pretty to display on a shelf or collect than NES or SNES, and Mario Party doesn't have the big brain that DK64's cart has to be immediately recognizable at a glance. It's also got Mario Party 2's cart to compete with, and few things in life are more powerful than Cowboy Mario doing the Jotaro Point right at your face.
The Beat Goes On (MP3)
If this had as many inputs as Move To The Music did in MP2, it would be a really solid mini-game. As-is, it's a bathroom break mini-game. The single largest waste of time as everyone has to stand around and listen to a boring tempo and hit buttons in a super easy to remember pattern (the fact that "A" is the only vowel between the three letters makes it very easy to sound out nonsense words for phonetic memory, and that you're reminded of the pattern with every success is too much). Basically everyone has to decide who they want to throw to, otherwise everyone sits around miserable as the game slows to a crawl until someone's brain has a sudden lapse. This wouldn't be terrible if everyone who survived got coins, but it ends in a Draw if you fill out all of your beat lines, meaning that it absolutely is an utter waste of everyone's time. Miserable mini-game, waste of the awesome Spear Guy aesthetic from Paper Mario, the fact that it made the Top 100 is baffling.
Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing
Toad's Midway Madness (MP4)
Honestly fine once you get out of the bottom-right corner, but the way that the teacups function essentially ensures that two players are going to sit around and have a miserable time while the other two actually get to play the video game. DK's Jungle Adventure in MP1 had a similar issue, but the Whomps blocking your path could be overcome with mini-game wins, and staying in the bottom right was a viable Coin Star farming strategy due to the presence of Koopa Troopa's "Pass Go" mechanics in that game. Here, there's no viable strategy, especially with all item spaces being reduced to Mini-Mega spaces. Almost all of the boards are a victim of the mini-mega system in MP4, and this one is no exception. Sure, you skip all board events, EXCEPT the ones we don't want you to, and the teacups here pretty much guarantee that escape from the starting area is based on turn order and luck. It also suffers from the flavor weaknesses of all of 4's boards - all of them are flat and one-dimensional due to taking place on a weird, techno-themed pathway that hovers over the actual cool parts of the board. There's no real dimension to it, just a bunch of cluttered junk underneath. I do like both of the Mini-Areas, the carousel is cute and the rocket is difficult enough to access (requiring a double mini-check) to make its reward worth it, and the roller coaster is a fun option and improved version of the Creepy Cavern mine carts, but everything interesting on this board is just too hard to access. Not the worst MP4 board, but that's not because of any of its own strengths.
Miracle Capsule (MP5)
As someone who exclusively ran Exodia deck variants through his teen years, this is an insult to assembling the puzzle. You waste Capsule space to lug around these worthless things, especially vulnerable since Mr. Blizzard, Kamek, Magikoopa, and Lakitu's capsules are VERY easy to come across and there's no good way to perform capsule defense. It's an entirely random chance that you get these from a Capsule Machine, no way of manipulating that as ALL capsules in MP5 are gotten through chance, and what does it do? If you get three, it gives all the stars from 1st place to 4th place. No direct benefit to the player who assembles all three pieces of the puzzle, no agency, just a reversal of fortune. This is both harder to accomplish than finding a Wacky Watch AND less impactful, ESPECIALLY when Chance Time is already a capsule. There are so many better ways to mess with the game state for this payoff - changing the turn counter, guaranteed giving you one Bonus Star of your choice at the end of the game, swapping overall stats with a player of your choice, Hell, just let YOU, the one who assembled the damn thing, CHOOSE who you're taking from, as someone might have a Bonus Star lead that leaves you in a less favorable position. It's not like it's hard to put in multiple effects - Cellular Shopper gives you a crapton of permutations on its own. If something's going to be this obtuse to get, it should allow a great deal more control or chaos than "one guaranteed deathblow to a single player". The epitome of wasted potential in a game full of it.
Waluigi
Waluigi had about as low-impact of a debut that a superstar could have. He came up in Mario Tennis as a tag partner, and Luigi, not even MARIO, said "Luigi not afraid" in his opening promo. Luigi, who was afraid of everything, who lacked self confidence, felt no threat, immediately burying Waluigi. Mario Party 3 was Waluigi's rehab attempt after his botched intro, and they tried HARD. Throwing him in a Last Man Standing match against Bowser is a risky move - Bowser's a topcarder by every estimation, but he'd been saddled with a comedy "Koopa Tunes" gimmick for weeks before the match. It was almost like Waluigi needed an excuse to be able to beat him, but a clean win over Bowser where Mario is not somehow involved is nothing to sneeze at. Naming the next PPV after taking over the show and getting the Mischief Title is pretty damn solid, too. Successfully doctored and ready for a marquee match against Luigi, where would the Wah go from here?
Please watch my 17 minute Waluigi Career Retrospective for more information: https://youtu.be/Bn-1F8ezfV8
It's Waluigi. He's very good and a personality juggernaut. It's a good time whenever anyone picks him, his dice block in Super is above average, he's got a high tier partner in Duel Mode, and a mid tier Orb in 7. He's fun and a good addition to any party. Great voice lines and animations in general, just a staple of games. It doesn't feel right if Waluigi's available and SOMEONE'S not playing as him.
Cake Factory (MP2)
The fun comes only if your partner is bad and breaks their spine attempting to pick up a strawberry. Got good music, fun concept. Once you know the visual cue for the timing (In front of you while it's slow, when it passes by the middle of the platter when it's going faster) it becomes a bit trivial, but it's a very solid 2v2 because of how simple it is for either party to screw up and get mad at the other.
Rudder Madness (MP8)
You wanna simulate "Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing"? Here you go! Every tiny motion you give in a slow, plodding affair causes you do do worse. Might as well just not touch anything and let fate decide for all the good it does you. There are some mini-games that are exactly that - Pinball Fall, for instance - but at least in those pure luck-based ones you get a choice of where you want to start and PRETEND you have agency. Another one for the "waste everyone's time" category.
GameCube Microphone (MP6 & MP7)
The microphone in Mario Party 6 is fine. It's completely unobtrusive, and was just an experimental gimmick that ended up going nowhere. Cute little mini-games where the lag in between commands was a bit too easy to react to, but Fruit Talktail was a legitimately fun mini-game. It meant about as much to MP6 as the control stick spinners were to MP1, and that's about all it needed to be. MP7, however, decided to shove it down your throat and never let go. The Mic Space is perhaps the worst space in all of Mario Party. If the Mic is on, you play a slow, incredibly boring memory game with Toadsworth, baby's first Fruits of Doom, and just get a nice swath of coins for no reason. If the mic is turned off, the mic spaces are still there. Toadsworth wastes your time with a long animation of him showing up, only to tell you that the Mic is turned off so you can't do the mini-game, and NOTHING HAPPENS. It would not have been a problem to turn these into Blue Spaces, or do ANYTHING to them to make them just not wastes of time. Hell, just a tooltip that says "mic is turned off" and cut off the animations, would've been annoying but not a waste of about ten seconds of stacking lifetime I won't get back. An average of "eh whatever" and "actively unpleasant" sticks it down in the basement somewhere.
Shrek Super Party
I have not had the pleasure, but looking at it from about five minutes of gameplay, it looks somewhat miserable. Objective-based party games can work out absolutely fine - Dokapon Kingdom is a great example - but this looks rather miserable and trying to use Shrek's, erm, "personality" to compensate. I would normally not rank it, but it also does not have Gingy as a playable character. Gingy is my favorite character in the Shrek Cinematic Universe, so that's unforgivable.
100% Orange Juice
I exist in the sad reality where I owned a Mac when this PC-exclusive title was all the rage with my friend group. Thus, I've never been able to experience it. I understand from memetic joking that Marie Poppo is a shit, though? I support her.
Big Top Drop (MP5)
It seems that all of the mini-games about tightrope walking are destined to be mediocre. This game seems very overwhelming to the 3 at first, and the ones on the outside CAN be put into unwinnable positions. However, the 1 player can't drop the balls fast enough to prevent the player in the middle from finding an easy gap to walk through. You CAN mix this up a bit with lob tosses to create less consistent timing, but there's always going to be a gap to make this POSSIBLE for the team of 3, and due to how slowly they walk on the tightrope, whilst the space they have to fit in isn't the most generous, the time they have to maneuver their way there often is. The worst 1v3 games are the ones where the 1 has to rely on the 3 to seriously screw up in order to actually accomplish anything, and this is one of those cases. Not quite Shock, Drop, or Roll bad, but in the same ballpark.
Pedal Power (MP1)
My favorite part of the game is that you lose 5 coins if the Boo eats you. If this were a 0 coin loss, the game would be nothing - most players would go "nah, tearing a hole in my hand isn't worth 10 coins" and throw. But by having a cost and REQUIRING you to play the game if you want to not only maintain your coins, but also stay competitive for the mini-game star (MP1 lets you go into the negatives toward mini-game star count), the player is given real time to decide just how much they value the flesh on their palm. I know a lot of people rate this game as the worst in the series, but any mini-game that can create a moral dilemma out of a player, intentional or not, is pretty hilarious in my book. Music and theming is also pretty on-point and silly.
Plunder Chest (MP2 & MP3)
I trust you mean the treasure chest that steals items, and not the guaranteed 10 coin'er from Mario Party 1. In any case, the Plunder Chest is the ultimate weapon of deterrence in Mario Party 2. Any item-based move a player can make is neutered for fear of being plundered and stolen from. The only items that remain safe are, essentially, Mushrooms, Skeleton Keys, and Warp Blocks, taking all the big comeback items off the table in one fell swoop. It's the perfect item to nab in first place as a "win more" option, since Boo Repellent doesn't yet exist - it counters the Magic Lamps that spawn in shops for 3rd and 4th excellently and without impunity. You can't even counter it with another Plunder Chest, as plundering a plunder is possible and incredibly easy; it's a threat you either have to bait with a Golden Mushroom or Bowser Suit in very specific situations or deal with, and can force an opponent to prematurely use a Magic Lamp. The item is CHAOS... and is heavily nerfed in Mario Party 3. Sure, you get improved targeting, but with how often Toad and Baby Bowser load you up with Skeleton Keys, the odds of actually getting something good drastic go down. There are limited cases where it's useful, but just due to the nature of Mario Party 3, its functions are limited, and it's a "nice if you happen to get it" item rather than the game changer it was. It's a good addition to the series, but an antiquated one. Gives Peach a lot of personality, though, so that's always a plus - girl needs all the help she can get.
Brighton (MP6)
He is a sun who is neither Angry nor having a random Latin theme in Paper Mario, what is the point of him. Twila at least has the decency to look like a 3-up moon wearing a bath towel as a dress, Brighton has all of the brilliant character design qualities of a Super Paper Mario character without the art style and weird animations to make him pop. Brighton is normalcy, which is often, unfortunately, more boring than the far more fun nighttime events. No Bowser, no Boo, no random numbers on Faire Square - Brighton, unfortunately, represents the control group of a very fun system where all the big moves happen within the experimental group. He's in no way bad, he's just... entirely existent. Which is kind of the worst thing, being boring; I can at least feel hatred toward something passionately and that's fun!
Toad's "Okay"
Not quite as iconic as Toad's "YEAH" or Toad's disappointed "Ohhhhhhhh...", but Mario Party Toad is a very solid Toad voice. As far as "Okay"s go, it's not at Terry Bogard or Donkey Kong levels, but it's only one tier below them.
Banning Waluigi because he gives you an unfair advantage
I know it's a common strategy for newer players to complain about Waluigi, but please, consider actually playing around his strengths. Waluigi is kept in check for the first two games by Donkey Kong just being outright better, and his nerf-happy strategy is always countered by the simple Mushroom. The only game where he's really overpowered is 6, where he can spam "you're lousy", which is a priority taunt that others have to respect as it's significantly better played out than spammed. But other than Bowser, who deserves to only be in gimmick formats due to how overwhelmingly powerful he is, I can't, in good faith, recommend banning any character. Donkey Kong was banned in Gen V in spite of his nerfs in 4, and the metagame suffered for it.
Koopa Banker
Actively a jerk. Now, the bank ITSELF is very interesting, a great balance check and a potential backup coin reserve in 3, but this guy's life is so empty, and he wants to share that feeling with you. It doesn't matter if you can pay your deposit, he'll take what you have anyway and update you on the running balance, one that he can't be arsed to differentiate between four separate accounts because he's just so done with it all. Whereas EVERYONE else on the board has a reaction to the Bowser Suit - Baby Bowser, Toad, the Millennium Star, Hell even the Baby Bowser Bankers with their Contraception Glasses - the Koopa Banker doesn't care. He'll tax Bowser, whatever, it's his 9 to 5, he just wants to get home in 8 turns and continue the rest of his miserable existence. Just a cog in the wheel, never wanting to stand out, never having the ability to. What a rube.
Toad Boat
It could even be a boat! Honestly I do prefer FURIOUS GUITAR SOLO Toad a bit to Toad Boat, but Toad Boat is pretty Toad Boat.
give me the ball papa
The look on Junior's face says it all. This is the first time his father has scorned him, denied him at least the ability to get the things he wants. Bowser focuses all his energy on the ball, seeing all of his parental decisions reflected in its cowskin surface. Has it all really been worth it? Will his son follow in his footsteps? Or will he find him weak, becoming another one of those "partiers" like that traitor, Koopa Kid? It's too much. Junior turns away, looking empty, unfulfilled, wondering just what could happen. Bowser slams the ball down. -1. But perhaps someday, it will turn into a +1.
i laughed
Reverse Shroom (MP3)
The absolute most busted item in Mario Party, and the item that singlehandedly elevates Mario Party 3 in spite of its spotty board design. This thing is utterly broken, as whenever you reach any junction, the Reverse Mushroom will let you choose your path while going backwards. This INCLUDES board events like the splitter in Waluigi's Island or the Monty Mole signs in Woody Woods. Moreover, as Boo is usually behind Skeleton Key gates, you can pass Boo one turn, reverse into him, and then bounce off of the gate, triple dipping Boo in what SHOULD have been a single pass. It doesn't end there, though. Take this junction in Woody Woods, for example.
https://i.gyazo.com/51047de2517dd53a1da06a6f3387b624.png
Say you're on the Battle Space to start the turn. In normal play, you'd have to bounce off of the gate, go to the right, and then go the direction the sign is facing. With a Reverse Mushroom, not only can you pick what direction you'd go at the Battle Space split, but if you chose to go on the normal path to the right, when you hit the sign, you can choose what direction to go in spite of hitting it straight on. The item takes maps like Woody Woods and Spiny Desert and makes them INCREDIBLE, filled with potential for all sorts of screwy mechanics. And it costs 5 coins. It is unassuming, and it takes skill and map knowledge to use, but it can provide payouts that only The Big Boo and Chance Time could hope to match, at FAR less of a risk. AND you can use it on opponents to delay them getting a star for a turn. It is, absolutely and without a doubt, the best item in Mario Party, and while it's no wonder why it hasn't returned... DAMN is it a fun ride.
Hidden Star Blocks
Honestly, they bolster the economy, and that's always nice. There's some nice mechanics with them - in 2, for instance, Hidden Blocks will only appear under Blue Spaces that Stars cannot spawn in. There will always be one hidden coin block and one star block, and they will shuffle spaces to another available space upon getting one. In boards like Mystery Land, where blue spaces are at a premium and you can suss them out with the Shy Guy Curse, this makes searching for the big bonus actually a viable (if desperate) strategy. It gets a bit more diluted in 3 with the introduction of a Hidden Block containing items, making it less viable and more of a happenstance. But honestly, more stars on the board is always a good thing. It makes Boo an even more powerful play, lets players use up the massive amount of coins they've built, and a little chaos to shake things up is always fun. Does it suck if you lose by 1 star? Yeah, but this is Mario Party, you need to be planning for a 2-star deficit at all times. Plus shutting them off with "No Bonus" means turning off Bonus Stars, which is a way that only villains play.
Twila (MP6)
The superior of the day/night twins... basically by default, but in a few nice ways as well. Obviously hosting the infinitely superior Mini-Game Mode compared to the awful Solo Mode will give her points, as well as having the 3-Up Moon to base her design on instead of just "sun ornaments seen in cheap garden supply stores". Aligning yourself with Boo and Bowser is ALWAYS a good idea, with Brighton only really having Donkey Kong to back him up. Everything exciting happens at night, and Twila's an enjoyable enough host for it, being very gentle compared to the chaos around her. She doesn't have any personality at all, which holds her back from the good hosts like Toad's endless optimism, the Millennium Star's gruff cockiness, Baby Bowser's mockery and love of all things Bowser, MC Ballyhoo's endless annoyance and boisterousness, Toadsworth's old man-erisms, and Eldstar's... well, Paper Mario nostalgia, I guess. But good design and being good by association to fun things carries her out of the gutter!
Wario's "Oh my God!" and "D'oh I Missed!"
I'm so happy Nintendo just walked around, looked for the German translator on-staff, and went "yup. That's the guy. That's Wario". It's so weird hearing a deep-voiced Wario after Martinet's amusing gravely gremlin grunts and guffaws for years, but it fits the character, makes him feel like some German beer and cheese baron or something. Anyway, these are the most expressive quotes in the first two Mario Parties, bar none. Sucks that one of them is only in the Japanese version, but it fits Wario so well, you could easily dub it over Joseph Joestar and it'd perfectly fit. "D'oh I Missed" is actually a mutation of the German "So Ein Mist!", but the fact that EVERYONE heard it wrong in EXACTLY the same way makes it endure far more than anything else. Combined with Wario tugging angrily on his mustache, it's a perfect, iconic combination. Wario is carried almost entirely by his voice in the first two Mario Parties; it doesn't feel right not having him in the game somehow, he just FEELS right. And his voice is 80% of the reason for that.
Pause Buffering In Wario's Battle Canyon
There are a ton of scummy strats in Mario Party that I am all for. Screen looking? Do it, your opponents are cowards for not. Making a promise and then shattering it? It's Mario Party, as long as you drag everyone else down to your level, you're good. Stealing coins from the guy in last place so he doesn't get Coin Star instead of stealing a star from the guy obviously in first? That's funny, and instead of making one enemy, you get two friends for the next game because that shit's hilarious. But there's one thing that's more annoying than fun, and that's stalling out your turn when you're not actively negotiating with someone at Boo. This strategy... essentially guarantees that. It's just anti fun, as when one of you starts doing it, so will everyone else, and then the game just gets bogged down. If you have a house "once per game" rule, that's alright, but you don't see a house "oh yeah the Ice Climbers can wobble once per match" or something. It's a boring strategy that doesn't even have the advantage of timer scamming. The only edge you have is that it helps you grind for Eternal Star, and I appreciate it for that. But otherwise, it makes a game longer for no reason. Take your lumps like a man.
Birdo
Inferior Waluigi. Her Egg Capsule in 7 is strictly an inferior option to the mobility-granting Magic Wand or the econ-destroying flower icon. I understand that you want to pick the annoying option and that Waluigi is too normalized in your friend group, but making the sounds of motorboating your opponents... can that even be considered a taunt anymore? It's incredibly telling when she is passed up for POM POM in Super Mario Party, who fills the role of "you can tell it's a girl, see? Bow!" that Birdo occupies. Just hope for Rouge the Bat appearing in the next Sonic spin-off rather than hoping for Birdo, you'll be better rewarded.
No Boo (MP1)
You ban throws in Street Fighter II at your local arcade, don't you?
Tiny Characters (MPDS)
I like it for the boards, don't like it for the mini-games. The boards all greatly benefit, allowing for really unique placements of geometry, and probably the most visually appealing board in Bowser's Pinball Table; that one's an absolute master stroke. But for mini-games, a lot of them end up having a "backyard barbecue" kind of feel and aesthetic to them. Mario Party mini-games are almost dream-like, throwing the Mario cast into weird, assuredly lethal situations and having them duke it out. When locations are reused, they're often presented in different ways or interacted with uniquely (Mario Party 5 being the obvious outlier with its stupid reused duel mode assets), and MPDS seems VERY fixated on going "look they're SMALL" and placing them around mundane objects, BUT BIG. It's a strong thematic through-line that I can appreciate, but I enjoy the traditional way a bit better.
Candies (MP8)
I do miss the Orb system. The fact that there are no longer ANY traps with the Candy system eliminates the fun of Orbs, making the board a death field of various tricks and traps, immune to your own and desperately trying to fight through your opponent's. It's the strongest element that the Gamecube era introduced and I'm sad to see it go. With that said, the Candy system basically takes the old item system and adds risk-reward elements to ALL OF IT. Variations of Bowser Suit for stealing items, stealing coins, gaining coins per space rolled. Targeting characters to just eliminate their coins, stealing coins from EVERYONE ELSE on the board. Never have you had as much power to target specific players as the Candies allow, and it's nicely balanced with the dart throw spinner (but first, make sure your wrist strap is on tight!). It's a skill that you can improve at, but can never completely master due to the inaccuracy of motion controls. But best of all, Candies have SUCH a strong thematic identity, constantly transforming the characters. They didn't have to do this, but it's so cool seeing the nightmarish Vampire Dry Bones, the "this is assuredly someone's fetish now" Bowlo Daisy, and the sprite forms of a bunch of characters with the Bitsize candy. So powerful thematically, not my favorite set of items, but VERY strong in concept.
Snow Whirled (MP6)
One of the greats. Absolutely perfect presentation - snowboarding is cool, and letting everyone go one at a time lets each individual player know how they measure up and have ample opportunity to gloat. The skill is unorthodox, based on how quickly you can hit the Gamecube’s face buttons in a constant rotation, and it adapts well to other control schemes as the four-button layout is so ubiquitous. It’s a pure skill demonstration that is uncommon, isn’t limiting like pure button mashing, and can be improved on with practice or various improvised techniques. Just an all-around pleasure of a mini-game. Night variant is better because Aurora Borealis is pretty.
BOWSER’s Big Blast (MP2)
The GOAT. The Great One. The Unstoppable Force. The Equalizer. The Humbler. There is nothing more emblematic, more powerful, more Mario Party than this single game. Everyone’s coins at risk so that they want to play. No strategy, only the belief that you HAVE one. Psyching yourself out with “well it COULDN’T be the same one twice” or “the silver one is always safe on the second pump” or “pick the pump that your character has the least amount of on their body” or “ooh, banana pump”. What I love about this game, though, is its sound design. After every pump, the music just dies, you hear the plunger activate, and everyone slowly turns to see if Bowser will allow you to live another day. That is true tension, that is true FEAR. You get just enough agency, you can yell at your opponent for being ahead of you (the math actually works out that everyone always has an equal chance of dying to a given bomb, but Hell if it feels like that if you’re up and there are only two switches left). I have had a game of BBB last for seven minutes due to incredible luck, and there is not a greater tension than that battle of wills. Utter, untouchable perfection.
Mini-Game Island (MP1)
The better of the two Mini-Game Single-Player adventures. Honestly, I think it’s just a cool, fun mode. Due to how high Mario Party 1’s coin counts can snowball, it constantly encourages you to do the best you can and not simply obtain the minimum amount on coin collection mini-games, so that you can always get another life. Are some mini-games pure luck-based time-stopping bull? Absolutely. Is it cruel that Paddle Battle is the fourth mini-game you have to do? No doubt. But it’s fun, the theming based on location and aesthetic is much stronger than 2 grouping games by their mini-game type, and Toad flexing on you by just being better makes him probably the best final boss in the series, with only MP4 Bowser really coming close (Stardust Battle has some sweet music, though). Probably the best and most replayable of the Mario Party series’ single-player offerings, which… is kind of terribly sad now that I think about it.
Ztar
Should be called "rats" and given out by Nodamice. That's better than the laziest attempt to flip the letter "s" over to make it try to appear menacing. The Ztar has two forms: interesting and intensely lazy. Its interesting appearances are when Bowser uses it as a trap. Running away from Bowser in Clockwork Castle, Bowser's rotation with the actual Star space in Castaway Bay and Mario's Rainbow Castle, stuffing it inside one of the boxes in Neon Heights - these solidly illustrate the potential of the item. It's a threat when it's on the board and one that you desperately want to avoid. Other times, it's just a shorthand for "oh Bowser took your star", which could be so much more easily accomplished by Bowser just mugging you like he did in the old days. My favorite thing was landing on a Bowser space in MP1 with no coins, and then Bowser would buy a star off of you for 10 coins - intensely dickish and a far better inversion of the star-buying process than what the Ztar offers. And then sometimes Ztars just show up in Hidden Blocks in Mario Party DS. Awful. Reducing the game state and making it less interesting and interactive should be the LAST thing Mario Party does, but Ztars absolutely manage to do so. There's POTENTIAL here, but very rarely is it tapped or superior to just "Bowser doing Bowser things". Ztar IS the host of Beach Volley Folly in MP4, though. So that's cool.
Mario, Party Of One
There are worse things that you could do than play Mario Party alone. Speedrunning or watching speedruns of Mario Party is actually rather fun, trying to figure out the best ways to encourage consistency or improve in mini-games, intentionally throwing some because they take too long and you have the mini-game star anyway so why bother. Sometimes there are unlocks that your friends will want (Dry Bones in 7, most Bowser boards, Waluigi's Island), and doing the noble thing and playing by yourself is fine. However... Mario Party is a game of broken dreams and ruined friendships. You can't negotiate with a CPU on who they should steal coins from; you just know they're gonna target either the person with the bonus star lead or the person in first place. You can't have a computer agonize over a decision when you hit them with a Reverse Mushroom. The best elements of Mario Party are when you force someone else to make a decision where they have to convince themselves of the lesser of two evils. Playing solo, it's just "did you get the mini-game and coin stars? Cool, get Magic Lamps and Boo Repellent". If you're not doing a specific challenge... honestly it's better to set the game to CPU only and root for your favorite, or take shots when your CPU of choice does something stupid.
Mario Party DS
A bad video game. The mini-games are fine for the most part - a bit dull, but they experiment with the DS hardware just fine. Board play, however, is utterly atrocious. Boo has been removed entirely, replaced with the Hex system, which is... honestly bad. Peach's Birthday Cake experimented with this system back in MP1, and proved that it doesn't work in anything less than a 50 turn game. No one will want to play a 50 turn game of Mario Party DS. Landing on a specific space being required in order to steal a star is AWFUL, AND it doesn't even stack with Happening Spaces, AND if a player with no stars lands on a star hex, the hex breaks while accomplishing absolutely nothing. Additionally, Duel Spaces only appears on the Last 5 Turns, being replaced with Friend Spaces where you choose a 'friend' to gain 5 coins along with you. And while that's interesting... dueling's just better, and the lack of Battle spaces (since Battle games are shuffled into the mini-game roulette) puts player-to-player interactivity at an all-time low. Bowser is utterly neutered here too, all of his interesting options removed to make way for "gimme your shit", only Bowser Revolution remaining as a beacon in a sea of garbage options. Other than Toadette's Music Room, boards are often painfully small and uninteresting. The item shop is as unbalanced as it'd ever be until SMP, Star Pipes at a ridiculously low price, a HIDDEN BLOCK DETECTOR existing, and the Item Bag being busted to absolutely ludicrous proportions (Star Pipe, Block Sensor, Golden Shroom guarantee). There are a handful of decent things - Donkey Kong saving the day through the sheer force of wanting bananas is always good, the Kamek boss fight is actually really fun, the theming of the game being 'everything is shrunken down' makes for some unique ideas for boards, which actually look fairly appealing - but it turns Mario Party from.a game about messing with your friends to a game about constantly pressing your own advantage and hoping it ends up better than your friends' same efforts. When strategy and dickery are taken out, Mario Party is just going through the motions, and it's sad and ultimately unpleasant.
Horror Land (MP2)
An utterly exceptional board, Top 3 for the N64 trilogy and the 2nd best board in Mario Party 2 itself! There is so much flexibility with just how many ways you can try to screw your opponents, and due to the sheer number of Boo spaces, not to mention The Big Boo in the top right, this is a board where going towards the star (and it's very easy to do so, star spawns are VERY kind in this board and on the beaten path). Everything in this board works in perfect tandem. Mr. I's warps cut straight through the Boo Graveyard, ruining the day of anyone trying to go for two Boos during one night cycle, but also open up mobility options for getting from one corner of the board to the other. The item shop is slotted very close to a bunch of Daytime Boo spawns, but also very close to the double boo graveyard, meaning that the choice between a Skeleton Key, a Mushroom, and a Golden Mushroom is very valuable. This board has the easiest item mini-game, which weakens the value of the Magic Lamp as it's so easy to get a Plunder Chest, Boo Bell, or just visit the kleptomaniac ghost. Whomp positioning to ensure that your opponent can't get to a specific Boo means SO much more than their arbitrary gatekeeping during DK's Jungle Adventure, especially with them being non-interactable at night, and DOUBLES as both shields and guard rails for the Bowser Bomb. Wizard Bowser is perhaps the second most deadly of Bowser's forms, behind the Bowser Sphinx, because many of Horror Land's key junctions can be walled off with Whomp, almost guaranteeing that a player on certain paths will get a visit (unless he decides to get caught in the bottom-right), especially since he'll almost always spawn ON the main path through the board. This is a board where long-term planning can go a long way or be sabotaged super easily, where playing your hand too quickly WILL absolutely get you stolen from, and where hundreds of coins will be spent for only two coins. There are weak elements - the mansion and dance floor should really have their locations swapped - but they are minor compared to the excellent work put in by the board.
Bowser Party (MP10)
Bowser Party is only as good as its boards. Mushroom Park is… boring and bad. Very easy for either team to pull ahead of the other, very luck dependent. Whimsical Waters is great because Bowser can draw dicks on the screen for as long as he’d like and there’s nothing that the other team can do to stop him (there are two paths, Bowser can see which is good, and he can draw whatever he wants to try to lure them to take a specific path. This happens frequently). There are no outstanding features other than that, but it felt important to mention that Bowser Jr encourages his father to draw dicks, and that likely lead to the Nintendo parental control video (it probably didn’t). It’s fairly standard past that, but it’s incredibly fun. Chaos Castle, however, is utter perfection. Tons of places for the players to mess up and lose hearts for absolutely no reason other than nerves, constant Bowser duels, the opportunity to repeatedly revive lost teammates, and the final stretch of the board being a one-on-four final sprint where you can easily yell at your friends for simply being bad at rolling the dice. Mini-games range from grossly favoring Bowser to grossly favoring the players to being even, which is perfect - both teams deserve to have a chance to sweat if they’ll make progress or not, and the ratio of who each game favors basically evens out when all of them are slapped together. It’s a damn good mode, 95% of the reason to even care about Mario Party 10 in the first place, and one of the incredibly few games to use the Wii U gamepad exceptionally well. It’s a shame that, for as heavily marketed as it was, it only had three boards compared to the main game’s five, because this is the absolute freshest and strongest the car games have ever gotten or will ever get.
Eternal Star - 50 Turns (MP1)
Mario Party 1 is super interesting. It’s clear that, when developing, Hudson very much meant for players to play for 35 turns. You get maps like Peach’s Birthday Cake that outright suck if they’re 20 turn games, or DK’s Jungle Adventure where players can go absolutely nowhere in 20, or how the Thwomps don’t really serve much of a purpose in Yoshi’s Tropical Island in a 20 turn game. Eternal Star is really unique in that it’s a bad board unless you’re playing with EXACTLY 35 turns. Take away 15 and the Baby Bowser gimmick doesn’t get the chance to reset. Take it up to 50… and the Baby Bowser gimmick becomes frustrating as someone’s gonna lose their nerve when they lose the dice game and Baby Bowser takes away a star. Eternal Star’s major flaw is just being too much - if there were two Warp Pattern that it alternated between, it’d take about the length of a 35 turn game to figure them out. The issue is, Eternal Star rotates between three warp patterns. Now, there is an easy way of checking which path you’re on - the bottom teleporter on the top-right star fragment goes to a unique location no matter what warp pattern you’re on - but that requires memorizing three permutations of over 10 locations and applying it in real-time. So that you can show off a little bit in Mario Party 1. You could go to a board maker online and create a better board than Eternal Star in the time it’d take you to drill that into your head. 50 turns simply gives Eternal Star too much of a chance to dick over players - Magma Mountain was balanced that you had to have, at minimum, two failed coin flips in a row (and potentially 3) in order for Bowser to take your stuff. Here, it’s a constant 15% chance of loss every Star Space you come across, and a guaranteed failure chance if a player runs into Bowser. I am all for slow torture via party, but this is cruel and unusual punishment in the best of circumstances, whittling away at sanity until there is nothing but a husk left. I can only recommend this if you want to guarantee that you will have less friends by the end of the night.
Bowser’s Bigger Blast (MP4)
The music doesn’t stop when you pick a plunger. It’s a worst mini-game just because of that. Ooh, wow, it explodes into a billion polygons, what is it, made of glass? It also suffers from MP4’s battle game system, where the person who lands on the space gets the choice of two games. Choosing Bigger Blast is very rarely the more appealing option, as it’s basically admitting “yeah I have no chance at catching butterflies better than my friends, better settle for pure luck”. It is the choice for cowards, whereas in Mario Party 2 it was a selection to instill fear. It’s amazing how much weaker it is solely because of presentation and the mechanics of the game that it’s in. It’s like seeing an artist you truly love sell out, or Sonic Advance 2.
Coney Island (MP5)
I love how you can tell which mini-games were the ones that got to appear in trailers. This game and the blooper one from 6 have SUCH high production values and silky smooth framerates compared to the rest of the mini-games. Anyway, it’s fun and fine. It’s the booksquirm concept, but in score attack format rather than survival format. The set dressing is absolutely incredible, Mario Statue of Liberty is hilariously over the top, and the winner gets a cute little ice cream with as many scoops as they could manage to obtain. It’s a good one, easy to understand, one that anyone can get good at. I like the style less since it has a ceiling unlike Booksquirm or Mushroom Mix-Up or Snow Whirled, but it’s one of the good ones.
True Millennium Star (MP3)
Would've been better if it came from inside of you all along. I refuse this reality, the truth will remain inside the cat box forever. Decently cute, though, would've liked to see it in something else.
Mario's Puzzle Party (MP3)
It's a pretty cute puzzle game, but the fact that it's a "match 2" instead of a "match 3" makes setting up combos very awkward. "Hold Down" is a bit TOO effective of a strategy for my liking, and the Puyo strat of "line the walls, slide them in" isn't as good as it should be. I'm a Tetris Attack man living in a Puyo Puyo world. The Thwomps are FANTASTIC, though, great addition to the game that makes it super flexible and makes the big combo happen and feel good. It's a good mini-game that's bordering on great, but doesn't hit the highs that Bob-omb Breakers would later reach.
Rules Land (MP2)
Just a worse version of Mario Party 1's Rules Land in every way. Boring regular layout compared to sleek Toad face surrounded by party paraphernalia to look like a big top tabletop. The amazing Mario Party 1 rules theme, the coziest remix of the Mario 1 theme out there, is replaced by some boring forgettable nonsense. And the game defaults to Rules land, unlike Mario Party 1, where once you go to Rules Land once, it defaults to Depart For Adventure instead. There is only one redeeming factor: in Creepy Cavern in Mario Party 3, there are a bunch of whomps in the background playing a tabletop game. Carefully looking at it reveals that it is an exact replica of Rules Land from Mario Party 2. So either their pebble brains think that they're playing an automated tutorial or they figured out a way to play what would honestly be a pretty chaotic 20 turn map.
Partner Party (SMP)
A much better implementation of the partner system than the version used in the regular Mario Party! Due to the sheer number of dead spaces, having added rolls really helps with movement, as greater movement is far more valuable than precision (whereas the opposite is usually the case with the regular game). Finding the right path with the combination of steps you have available to you feels fulfilling, and figuring out the proper partner combinations and whether picking up a specific partner would be worth it is really enjoyable. I have found that whoever gets ahead first snowballs a LOT, as getting more partners lets you roll higher which lets you reach more partners faster. But insofar as side modes go, it's one of the better ones, and I'm ALWAYS glad to see a co-op mode where partners don't share a space on the board.
Dungeon Duos (MP4)
Immaculate. An excellent combination of platforming, coordination, and button mashing. Any individual section on its own would constitute an "average" to "bad" mini game, but sticking them all together in a gauntlet is just brilliant, showing a full breadth of Mario Party skill. The 2v2 format ensures that no one is out of it, as even if you're bad in a single area, you could be better at the pumping, or pathfinding in the warp pipe area. Can you sometimes get luck screwed with the warp pipes? Yeah, but memory always helps, and the fact that you have two bodies keeps it feeling incredibly kinetic and helps balance out the race aspect of it. From concept to execution, just an absolute slam dunk of a game.
Beach Volley Folly (MP4)
You can play as Bowser in this one. Honestly, in spite of it being the outright worse game, I think I prefer its implementation. It's a secret bonus that you only get if you play all of Whomp and Thwomp's stupid bootleg games (most of which are actually really good), and then you get to play as all the boss characters. I always had a fascination as a kid for playing as characters I shouldn't be able to, and this fulfilled that really nicely. It's more simple than the Mario Party 5 version, and those extra gameplay options do make it better, but man... what a good little secret.
Beach Volleyball (MP5)
Man what a good mode. Having the point multiplying ball based on volleys puts SO much pressure on players, as does the bomb ball to shake things up. It sucks that we lose some of the flavor of the original having Bowser's only playable appearance in the series for decades, but the new balls make up for it. Really, it's just classic volleyball, essentially a full NES game disguised as a mini-game. Top drawer stuff, the Gamecube Mario Party games tended to absolutely kill it with the window dressing.
Mario Party 4
Likely THE best collection of mini-games in the series outright. This title came out SWINGING and never relented. So many interesting ideas and twists on ideas - that's what Mario Party does, never letting up, Tracing is boring? Turn it into an auto-scroller. Basketball was way too simple in MP1? Make it three rotating hoops. That splashing game from 3 kinda boring? Flip it on its head, reverse the roles, and really push that Mario is all about WATER this generation with some cool waves. We haven't done Bowser games in a while? Let's add some of the most killer, tense, and risky games (and Darts of Doom) and attach them to Bowser, making the guy feel like a threat again after 3's FAR kinder (and sexier) Bowser. There are SOME duds, but all of them at least have an idea that makes them stand out. The single player gets expanded, having boss mini-games that are all really fun and unique duels. ending with the most interesting and climactic final boss in the series. The Extra Room is no slouch, either, complete with really fun pure gimmick games and some absolute bullshit ones that are still good for a chuckle, with Beach Volley Folley hidden in the back, all under the guise of a shitty stand-up club. Mario Party 4 has style for DAYS, and its mini-game collection is one of the most replayable, enjoyable sets imaginable.
... but the boards SUCK. This is up there for one of the most miserable board game experiences the series has to offer, and not just because it's purely cruel like MP1. Goomba's Greedy Gala basically gets "best board" by default for being absolute bull at every turn, because none of the other boards decided to show up. Tons of junctions decided by luck causing players to have to loop around, no Game Guy, a far weaker Bowser space due to the Koopa Kid chance (and that Bowser games sometimes only remove ITEMS, which not every player HAS in the first place so sometimes Bowser games are just a waste of time), no duels PERIOD. Flavor is a LOT weaker due to the actual spaces hovering above the boards, making them feel like set dressing the devs were too lazy to mix the characters in with. The Banana Peel Junction, the Shy Guy River, Toad's Teacups, the crumbling bridges in Gnarly Party, the Pink Boo bridges - so much of the boards are designed around limiting options. And everything, EVERYTHING, revolves around the damn Mini Mega system. Due to a lack of Item Game spaces, you're going to be loaded with these sorry excuses for movement items, one of which prevents you from using more items, and the other is simultaneously a worse Skeleton Key AND a worse Poison Mushroom, because occasionally it just won't function right as either! The best parts of a board are gated behind Mini-Mushroom pipes, which require such precise rolls that you can't get without using the damn things to set it up that they're almost never visited. There is a FUN game in here, there are fun ideas here - Bowser's interactions with the player in Gnarly Party depending on if they're mini or mega is really cool. But it sacrifices the entire game for a gimmick. This Mario Party is the best Mario Party, except for the actual Mario Party mode, it's bad at that.
Opening Cinematic (MP1)
https://i.imgur.com/FrIRxg6.gif
What is this? What does this accomplish? What are they doing? What has Luigi, specifically, ever done to either of these men? Is this character development? Luigi gets absolutely SHIT on through this entire opening sequence, having zero of the qualities that Toad, who is apparently the divine God of the Mario world who determines who its true champion is, is looking for. And in the end, Luigi gets absolutely nothing. This is, of course, until Mario Party 3, where Luigi is the canon hero, overcoming all of the other, actual traits of Super Stardom and even Shadow Luigi and his girlfriend who lifts. This started a multi-part arc for Luigi, who wasn't even the focus, but took Toad's words to heart harder than anyone else. However, this cutscene does not have Bowser in it. Whenever Bowser is not on-screen, I find myself asking, "hey, where's Bowser?" This is no exception.
Wario
If there was one true hero of Mario Party, it'd be Wario. Implied by lazy translation that he was the winner of Mario Party 1 ("Wario said since he's the Super Star, it should be named Wario Land"), Wario is an absolute gem whenever he appears. Wario basically carries the game's personality on his pudgy, melded-into-his-neck-and-fat shoulders, being just the right combination of triumphantly mocking in success and frustratedly dumbfounded in defeat. Even swapping over to Martinet as a permanent voice, Wario remained great, having just the right mix of obnoxiousness and smarminess to carry him. Wario's Battle Canyon is perhaps the most brilliant bit of characterization - Wario is essentially inviting a race war into his home and profiting off of it, then taking credit for ending a prejudice that even Mario himself couldn't solve in Mario 64, as evidenced by Bob-omb being his partner in Mario Party 3. Wario is history's greatest criminal, and is intensely lovable for it.
His track record in unique items is.a bit spotty. Duel Mode Wario is the worst character in the game - a 3 salary for a guaranteed 1 damage if he rolls big isn't good in ANY circumstance unless specifically against DK, who can't hit him back. But as DK has a winning match-up against Daisy and.a good one against Luigi, who are FAR higher on the tier list than Wario could ever pretend to be, Wario doesn't exactly gain much ground beating the second-worst in the mode. Dueling Glove is an awful signature item just due to the sheer cost of the thing meaning you're operating at a net loss no matter what, and the Vacuum orb, as mentioned with Waluigi, is a mid-tier, luck-based disruption tool. However, when Wario shines, he SHINES. His Super Duel Mode vehicle is as durable as it is powerful, making him an actual challenge to compete against on most terrains. And in Super Mario Party, the guy is absolutely Top 3 in the game. While he isn't UTTERLY busted like DK or Bowser, a spread of -2, -2, 6, 6, 6, 6 is something that most characters could only dream of. This guarantees the maximum amount of progress you could get from a normal roll OR a stall at the space you're on. And sure, you lose two coins, but that's a small price to pay for rolling 0. Being able to farm events can be utterly busted, and with the only other option being "roll big", it makes Wario utterly devastating in 90% of circumstances. Of all the original partiers, Wario has the best track record across the series for a combination of annoying, enjoyable, powerful, and actually being playable. Games feel complete and like Mario Party with him in them.
Bowser's Unique Enemy Dialogue (MP10)
https://i.gyazo.com/c1ffa6f0fed5d3b564cc0b8f8d2c3e39.jpg
I love little details like this. The Mario Party series generally does really well with this, with the Bowser Suit and the like, and this adds to this mystique of Bowser as a larger-than-life figure who deserves to be feared and hated for ruining your day for laughs. I love how it carries over to Super, where if he lands on Kamek's bad luck space, Kamek will be cowering, terrified that he has to pull out the roulette on Bowser. It's a cute little detail - doesn't amount to much, but it's cute.
Cry Bones (MP8)
Thank god that team names came back for MP8 instead of "Team Seagull" and "Team Dolphin". This, as I had hoped before looking it up to confirm, is the team of Luigi and Dry Bones. It is perfect. Just utterly ace pun game here. I can't help but admire and adore it.
Item Bag (MP3)
The only game (out of two, admittedly, but we've been over that 4 sucks at items and boards) where the Item Bag is truly interesting and useful! Due to the split in shop systems - Toad and Baby Bowser having different inventories - choosing an Item Bag based on what shop spawns is not only viable, but can be the difference between life or death. In general, ignore the Toad bag and dump your hard earned cash into the Baby Bowser Bag - get a chance at Reverse Shrooms on the common, plus Bowser Phones, Boo Bells, and the Lucky Lamp, all great disruption tools. The sheer amount of stuff you get at once greatly outweighs the potential benefits of Toad's selection, where specifically buying a Magic Lamp, Golden Mushroom (which are only 10 in this game and that's mental), or Boo Repellent rather than pulling for it will likely serve you better than BB's catch-all chaos. However, the BIG allure of the Item Bag is that it's got a chance of pulling out a Rare item. For Toad, the Rare items will always be the Koopa Card or Barter Box, while Baby Bowser will always have the Lucky Emblem or Wacky Watch. As to be expected, Baby Bowser's got the MUCH better deal here, as the Koopa Card is very passive and the Barter Box is best used when you only have it available - something the Item Bag doesn't allow for as it fills up your inventory very quickly. Is it necessarily reliable? No, not at all. But I think it's more worth it than a Boo Bell if you're down and can't immediately afford a Star Steal, or are in first and roll Baby Bowser's shop since you can't get Boo Repellant from him. Not the most practical item, but a fun chance at pulling ahead that's worth taking in certain situations.
Curvy Curbs (MP5)
A mini-game that would be significantly better with one very simple change: instead of putting you at a dead stop, simply slow the momentum of the vehicle upon impact with curves, more harshly the worse of an angle the wheel would come in at. Considering that Bobsled Run and Filet Relay could accomplish this no problem, I see no reason why Curvy Curby couldn't do the same. As-is, it's an auto-scroller that favors the single player as they only have ONE person to worry about being bad at the game. And honestly, it's not that hard to be bad at it - that curve right before the gingerbread house is VERY tight and hard to avoid smacking into. But the fact that it's basically counting mistakes and you just hope that you don't get a draw really takes all of the tension out of it. I think it'd probably work better as a 2v2 as well, as there's just... no reason for it to be a 1v3. Music fits REALLY well for the mini-game, though.
Warp Pipe
For the first three titles, Warp Pipes are a means to an end, and honestly kinda neglected. They essentially exist to either funnel you to another part of the board, or are features in Bowser Land to attempt to escape the parade route. I like this Bowser Land implementation the best compared to Luigi's Engine Room and Waluigi's Island; using them as a sudden escape, or a controlled risk in order to get another tick toward the Happening Star, is really solid, and adapt them really nicely from the Mario series as a whole. Warp Pipes SHOULD be unpredictable and interesting, and making them a controlled risk is greatly reflective of that. They get the promotion from 'board accessory' to 'item' in Mario Party 4, replacing the Warp block... and are summarily useless because the Warp Space also exists, and due to the prevailance of Mini Mushrooms and their usual proximity to Mini Mushroom pipes and events. It DOES have an advantage over the Warp Block where it's spinner-based, so it's more possible to learn and time how to use it than its purely random predecessor, but boards are already so obnoxious to traverse in 4 that a Chomp Call is usually the better defensive play-based option, and the Mega Mushroom is always a cheaper offensive-based option. From there, it gets wrapped into the Capsule system, and probably suffers the most from it since the cost of using it isn't usually worth the potentially negligible benefit compared to just throwing it on the board and hoping you land on it. With how segmented almost all of the MP5 maps are, it's far more effective as an annoying trap to escape from a certain area, but with how much those segments love to loop around on each other, it's less of the interesting choice it was in MP2 and more just a "oh, that happened. Neat." kinda feeling. It was fixed in MP6 and MP7, but by then there were so many specialized orbs that the Warp Pipe just seemed inferior to options like Klepto on Castaway Bay, Tweester, or the overwhelming control that the Sluggish Shroom offers. It's quite unfortunate, but the thing has just been overshadowed and never the best option in every single appearance it's had as an item. Unless you could Gold and Star Pipes, which I don't because those would tank its rating even more due to how damn inexpensive they are for being Magic Lamps!
Bowser
There is no greater force of joy in the Mario Party series than Bowser. In every single game, this guy has an absolutely PRISTINE track record of unbelievable quality. For virtual board games, there are no "bad luck" or "negative" mechanics; if there's a character who's your direct antagonist or screws with you based on a roulette, they are "Bowser". Bowser ascends above Mario Party and becomes emblematic of virtual board games as a whole. Just, look at this guy's track record:
Mario Party - The most absolutely dickish that Bowser ever will be. Bowser's cruelty knows no bounds in this game, and yet his hatred is distributed evenly. Bowser is an active board element, essentially selling counterfeit items whilst insulting the player all the while. This man shoves an inner tube on you, watches it pop, makes you pay 30 bucks for it, and asks "oh wow, have you gotten fatter?". This is especially brutal in Bowser's Magma Mountain, where you have to play a dice game with him, and if you fail, he will steal a star from you. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. If you land on a Bowser Space with no coins and one star, Bowser will generously buy the star off of you for 10 coins - no need to consent or thank him, the big guy knows what you want! BUT Bowser Spaces have such a strong chance to screw EVERYONE over, with Bowser having multiple mini-games that drain coins from 3 players. Bowser's Chance Time, Bowser's Balloon Burst, Bowser's Tug-O-War - all of these have the potential to DEVASTATE coin counts, and one is even a stick rotation game so that MAXIMUM suffering can be inflicted. But perhaps best of all is Bowser's Bash 'n' Cash. This mini-game just has players beat the crap out of a player in a Bowser suit, taking 5 coins from them and giving them straight to Bowser with each swing, while the single player is absolutely helpless. Bowser then says, "What horrible people! They stole x Coins! What a great opportunity for you, now you know what it's like to be me!". But, if they steal NO coins (or if no one falls beneath Bowser's threshold in Bowser's Face Lift), Bowser will go "what?! Nothing happened?! Well I don't like you, so I'm going to take 20 coins". The absolute legend.
Mario Party 2 - Becomes the villain of each board and introduces the Bowser Bomb. Not only are Bowser's costumes absolutely ace in this game, but he's got some of the best lines and animations in general (AUGH YA CORKED ME being a stupid, fun highlight). Nothing is more devastating than Bowser's turn starting, as he rolls 3 dice and takes ALL of the coins from a player he comes across, telling the player "if you value your life, you'll give me all your money" in Bowser Land. This is also a game where he starts feeling true pity for you - if you land on his space with 0 coins and hit "Coins for Bowser", he will GIVE you money, making landing on Bowser not just a strategic option for harming everyone or hoping for revolution, but the ability to rebound if you've been hit hard by fees or just threw the rest of your money into the bank or Item Shop. He gets the final bow in the credits curtain call, and he DESERVES it - this man's the star of the show.
Mario Party 3 - The nicest Bowser will ever be. Reduced to a pure comedy role in the story, after being a dominant topcard threat for all of the past two games, he lets both Daisy AND Waluigi go over him clean and asks the player to avenge him before he dies of wounds inflicted by Waluigi. Additionally, this is the only Bowser Roulette based on timing - whenever you hit the A button on that thing, whatever option is highlighted, that's gonna be the one it picks. The roulette IS tricky to time, but Bowser has so many more options to help you out. Giving you phones so you can call him whenever, giving you cosplays of him to mug people with, he even truncates his communist propaganda speech during the Bowser Revolution. He'll also give you tons of coins based on your placement and turn order if you visit him with 0 coins - no rolling Coins for Bowser required. You can get up to 50 for the big man if you're in last with 0 coins in the last 5 turns. This is also where Sexy Bowser appears. Due to the Bowser Phone and the roulette, Bowser is less an inherent negative in this game so much as he is a flexible tool with an intense chance to screw you over.
Mario Party 4 - Even though the Bowser Space is worse, Bowser himself stands out. He lands with MASSIVE, almost jumpscare-esque impact whenever he shows up, and provides THE best Bowser mini-games in the entire series. He's not even trying to hide his obvious inflation fetish anymore, and can somehow say the phrase "he shoots, he scorches!" while breathing fire, which is just pure skill. He's willing to challenge the player directly in mini-games if they grow as large as he is in Gnarly Party, with sumo wrestling especially being fun to see. He also has, by far, the best boss fight the series has seen (discounting Toad just being better than you in MP1), with multiple phases, a weird fire boomerang he never uses in any other game, and even putting the Gamecube over with the lava cube. After a game of being nice, Bowser is back as a LETHAL threat, and still a joy to see.
Mario Party 5 - Nerfed a bit from his heyday, but some chaos is absolutely possible due to the Bowser Capsule. At any point, Bowser might just wreck a player getting an item and toss a Bowser Space on the board. These are especially fearsome, as Bowser will just sometimes take a star from players who land on his space. With more mobility options than ever, a player shouldn’t have MUCH of a problem avoiding Bowser spaces… but they instill such a fear by existing, ESPECIALLY if Bowser (who has taken over hosting Last Five Turns permanently by this point) decides to just turn EVERY Red Space into a Bowser space. His boss fight is weaker in this game due to a lack of the threat of instant death, but still enjoyable. Plus he’s a sweet guy, he drives around with Peach’s heart body in Super Duel Mode - what a nice guy.
Mario Party Advance - https://twitter.com/SuperMarioFact/status/1252357877114650624
Mario Party 6 - Bowser stealing your star is now reworked into Bowser rolling a dice block with the chance of stealing a star, a callback to the Mario Party 1 days that’s VERY welcome. Bowser Revolution is changed to be a Last 5 Turns only event as well, which is disappointing. However, Bowser gets significantly more board presence in this game, able to reprise his Mario Party 1 gimmick of rotating with Toad in Castaway Bay, and his Mario Party 2 gimmick of walking around and mugging people in Clockwork Castle. It’s more a Bowser nostalgia tour, as he’s regulated just to the Night cycle to prop up his rivalry with Donkey Kong, and he doesn’t even get a boss fight. Probably Bowser’s weakest appearance overall.
Mario Party DS - Okay I lied this is his weakest appearance. Bowser Revolution is renamed to “Gimme Equality!”, “Gimme Stars!” is back without a roulette, and he turns himself into a weird cube for his boss fight. This is the worst Bowser’s been… but I mean, it’s still better than most of his contemporaries in other games.
Mario Party 7 - Bowser gets an ENTIRE MECHANIC every 5 turns in order to screw with everyone. How effective this is depends on the board - Windmillville Bowser is total bullshit, while Enchanted Inferno Bowser is a constant who makes the board significantly more interesting. On most boards, he’s simply just the life of the party, pettily photobombing pictures that he set up and charging a fee for it, then stealing the photo for himself. Bowser’s Lovely Lift is a BIT too easy, but an excellent concept for a duel mode boss fight and really fun to play casually. This is a FUN Bowser who makes his presence known. Single-Player Bowser mini-games suck in this game, though, most of the fun options get relegated to Koopa Kid spaces.
Mario Party 8 - Bowser continues to directly counter Donkey Kong’s actions. Bowser’s Bad-Breath Express is perhaps the most dastardly version of the Rainbow Castle concept, baiting players with a free star from DK before someone lands on a Bowser space and replaces it with the Koopa King ready to steal a star. His boss fight is disappointing, but so are a lot of Mario Party 8’s mechanics.
Mario Party 9 - Bowser introduces Reverse Minigames to the series, where you have to be the first player to be eliminated from a mini-game in order to win. Bowser is paying you to mutilate yourself at this point. Beautiful. His boss fight is a remix of all the other bosses where he rolls dice to attack you with dungeon dice monsters. Flavor for days.
Mario Party 10 - Bowser is FINALLY playable in more than just Beach Volleyball. Controlling Bowser is an absolute joy, destroying everything in your path in order to pursue your targets. Only Bowser’s Bad Breath feels particularly bad to control, as blowing is never a great input, but every other Bowser game makes you feel like the oppressive force Bowser has been for almost two decades at this point. The build-up to “playable Mario Party Bowser” is palpable due to everything that’s come before him, and he pays off in spades. His Amiibo Board is, likewise, incredibly dickish, all of his good points from Mario Party 9 are still present, and he even has the most fun, competitive, and fair boss fight in the game with his Dry Bowser transformation.
Super Mario Party - Depending on who you ask, Bowser is the best or second best character in the entire game, and that’s not up for debate. Bowser and DK are so far ahead of the rest of the pack with their custom blocks that it’s scary. Bowser guarantees either a HUGE roll, a stall, or a 1. No one has a 50% chance to dominate movement every single turn like Bowser does, and as his natural rolls STACK with movement options. Due to his high rolls being so common, as well, he’s not entirely snakebit by the ally system like DK or Wario might be if they’re trying to target a specific space. If you’re playing to win, you’re playing as Bowser. And after years of him being the strongest force in Mario Party, that just feels RIGHT.
Bowser is, quite simply, the best thing about Mario Party. It wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say that Bowser IS Mario Party, trying to utterly dominate everyone with a combination of luck, skill, and utter dickery. The series elevates him as much as he elevates it. The reason why it’s called “Bowser Tier” at the top is because he deserves it. He is the peak of the series, and NOTHING comes close to what he’s brought to the table.
Ridiculous Relay (MP3)
Honestly the only place that this mini-game drops the ball in is the single-player aspect - they might as well just have a consistent speed with two or three 'strong winds' or something with how easy the obstacles are to avoid, except when they're impossible to avoid. Or Hell, just give them a somewhat slower but more consistent way of moving forward - Insectiride would later use that idea to great effect, and it'd be more appealing here. But I love the relay itself, just a random test of various skills. Alternating mashing and straight-up mashing explain themselves, and keeping them on the 3 side ensures that the best masher doesn't simply carry for their team, but the pond skating robot with the weirdest control input is absolutely the star. I love this stupid thing, and wish more mini-games would utilize weird control inputs like it. It's such a weird but learnable skill that's sure to throw people off the first time they see it, but it's charming. It's the weird mini-game where it's more fun to play than it is to be competitive at, as you can basically know the winner by how well the second leg of the relay is going. But it's memorable and charming, at least!
Lava Tile Isle (MP2)
Of the 'brawl' style mini-games, this one's one of the weakest. Mario Party 1 and 2 hitboxes aren't exactly precise for the actual combat moves, and ground pounding and jumping is often too risky. Thus, the only real way to ensure eliminations is relying on the Grindel's weird physics, where you don't move with them, they just leave the ground underneath you and let you plunge like.a Looney Tunes sketch. It's not like a Bumper Balls where destruction is assured - there will very often be a winner to this game just due to how weird the platforms are when they move around. It's just less taking advantage of or pressing advantage on your opponent, and more just seeing a lucky opportunity and taking it. It's not bad, but I'm never really happy to see it, it very much simply 'exists'.
Cast Aways (MP1)
Bad game. Whoever is in the furthest position to the right has a TREMENDOUS advantage. There is a very consistent timing for getting the back row's coins, the back row often spawns treasure chests, far more frequently than the other rows, and the game lasts so long that they can efficiently gatekeep the back row as much as they'd like. The only balancing factor is that the controls are terrible - I've been playing this game for over 20 years, and Hell if I can tell you with absolute confidence where each of my casts will go based on how hard I flick the stick. AND it's a control stick rotator. There are honestly a lot worse games that are a lot more boring, but none of them can potentially decide the mini-game star, Boo, and so much else in one go. It is not just possible to get 50+ coins from this mini-game - with practice, it's easy. AND it blocks off a fun section of Mini-Game Island with Mushroom Mix-Up and Shy Guy Says. Miserable game.
Mario's Rainbow Castle (Song)
It's either this or Yoshi's Tropical Island that's the best board theme in Mario Party 1. This is some of the goodness we got in Chrono Trigger put onto a really relaxing track. I love the way that Mitsuda plays with similar instruments, like how he's able to use one string instrument with a very staccato sound in Wind Scene to transition into a more flowing, melodic one. The same holds true here - I really love the starting percussion transitioning into the flute section, which allows the backing wood block sounds to stand out more, before the piano comes in to finish the melody. It's very cozy, has a clear start and end point, and fits the mood perfectly. The loop's a bit criminally short, but it's a song that's so easy to put on in the background and zone out to.
Windmillville (MP7)
An astonishingly good proof of concept with great theming, but unfortunately let down due to varying factors. As mentioned in the Bowser write up, Bowser Time is absolutely brutal on this board, Bowser potentially flopping his ass down onto a windmill and crushing it. Each windmill being a set value also damages things, as since the center, three-star windmill is so hard to get to, it is very easy to make large investments in it without worry. This makes short games on this board undesirable, as whoever reaches that center point first due to the alternating pathways gimmick (which is VERY rarely a good idea, as Toad's Midway Madness and Bowser's Gnarly Party can attest) will very likely win, but longer games give Bowser more chances to muck things up and utterly crash the economy. It's not like Tycoon Town, which is about stealing from investments by targeting select spaces - those coins are essentially locked in unless Bowser decides he hates capitalism more than usual today. I also find the bottom half of the board to have really long stretches of nothing, which MAY be useful for amassing coins, but I'm never a fan of just having an average of two or three turns of "just move forward". It's a really strong concept that would later be improved upon, a very necessary first draft.
Bowser Bomb (MP2)
Now this is the fun stuff. The Bowser Bomb basically guarantees (unless in a very specific situation in Bowser Land) that someone is gonna lose all of their money, transforming the dormant Baby Bowser into Community Theater Bowser, desperately trying to hustle people out of coins with overacting and cheap costumes. How devastating the Bowser Bomb is depends on the board - in Western Land, it's very difficult for Bowser to wrangle his prey due to the sheer size of the map, whilst Mystery Land basically guarantees anyone on an island with Bowser has no chance to survive, make your time. It is situational, as it depends on a player landing on an Item Space, wanting to get the Bowser Bomb based on everyone's position, and then actually winning the mini-game to use it (not hard in most maps, but still possible to screw up). I do love that the shopkeep in Bowser Land can just randomly sell you one for 12 coins, it's such a nice touch to add that needless risk to the board. Bowser's AI is... kinda stupid, sometimes just going in a loop in Space Land instead of actually hunting players down, but that's what makes him so fun - he's not a guaranteed unless you're right next to him, he's an encroaching threat that maybe, just maybe, will let you live to see another day. And it's also a reason why DK is probably the least-chosen hard CPU in the game - that man targets this item with a laser focus, and will make SURE that everyone suffers.
As a harmless aside, I only had text previews for Melee when it was coming out, and the Down Special was listed as "Bowser Bomb". So before I got my hands on the game, I just thought Bowser threw this out at people and could grow more powerful and wear Mario Party costumes mid-fight. I was disappointed.
Mario Party: The Top 100
There was a lot of potential here. Have a poll so that people could nominate games to be in The Top 100. Have a few be revealed at a time to drum up hype. Include five or so fan-favorite boards from across the series, normalizing their mechanics to... probably the 3/4 system would be the most balance, just seeing how new items and ideas interact. Instead... we get essentially the Mini Game and Mini-Game Island modes of a given Mario Party cut out and slapped together. Some of the games included aren't even good! It's a heartless cash grab of a game preying on nostalgia that SHOULD have been a celebration of the series, and like most of Nintendo's 3DS lineup, relies on nostalgia to make up for a lack of effort and innovation.
Dizzy Dancing (MP2)
Great name. The mini-game ends in three seconds. It is the most 'nothing' of games, somehow being less engaging than Musical Mushroom, as once one player figures out which way is diagonal, the game is over. Did you know there are actual combat options in this game? It's alright, no one does or remembers because they're useless!
Fish Upon A Star (MP5)
... okay but they're in the sky. I get that Cheep Cheeps rain down from the sky and break apart the platform, but why waste this pun here? Anyway, far better brawler than Lava Tile Isle, to be sure. The knockback is more normalized, essentially making it a game of out-Castlevania knockbacking your opponents. Jukes are actually possible due to tighter controls, Jumping is still a risk but a more controlled one based off of the diagonals of the star, all around fun and frantic little mini-game that's entirely fair and skill-based. Nice work!
Costumes (MP2)
What I love most about this idea is that it was actually kind of difficult to implement. Sure, you have Mario, Luigi, and Wario of all roughly the same body structure, but then you have Peach, who has to have her outfits designed fairly differently from the others. And then you have Yoshi, who's a damn dinosaur with a weird tumor saddle shell on his back, and whatever the Hell Donkey Kong's spine is half the time. You get really cute and unique outfits like the adorable stripey shirt on Yoshi in Pirate Land, most of Peach's unique dresses, and the weird monstrosity that is Wizard DK. Bowser gets the absolute best out of these, with Eggman Mech Bowser being a pretty great highlight. I also really love how much they add to the flavor of duel mini-games - have them work without the costumes and they're pretty boring, but just having the cowboy outfits adds so much to Popgun Pick-Off. A lot of people tend to gravitate toward Mario Party 2 as the "best", with critics dismissing those ideas because "it's the most memorable because people like the costumes". And it's quite true! I do admittedly wish that Bowser Land had some costumes, though, even as just an intro gag. It doesn't have to be much, just like Bowser horns and hair that look like Mickey Mouse ears.
Dueling Glove (MP2)
The tricky thing about the Dueling Glove is that it is never worth its price. Buying it, you're down 15 coins, which already limits the amount of coins you can possibly gain from dueling someone. The Dueling Glove's function - to start a duel against the target of your choice - will essentially be limited to either whoever has the coin lead or whoever is right in front of Boo and has enough coins for a Star Steal. You're never gonna be wanting to use this item while in the lead, as that brings a rival closer to the coin star should you fail, but it's made to benefit you if you have more coins. The only reason that you'd want to use it is if you were absolutely confident that you could beat your opponent in a duel mini-game. This is actually an advantage MP2 has over MP3, as duels are tied to boards rather than a roulette. However... very few duel mini-games can be won with absolute confidence. Two of them are timing-based (Time Bomb and Popgun), two of them are reaction based and honestly likely to result in a Draw if the players have much skill (Sabers and Brew), and one of them is literally just Rock Paper Scissors what are you even doing. These are not skills that you can often be CONFIDENTLY ahead of your competition in, at least not nearly as much as something like button mashing. That leaves Mystery Land's telekinetic showdown as the only one where you can reliably win IF you are a better alternating masher. As cool of an item as the Dueling Glove is... it's just hyper situational and not even very GOOD in the situations where it CAN be useful.
Pushy Penguins (MP5)
The single best thing about Mario Party 5. The mini-game is just fun, kinetic pathfinding, along with hilarious storytelling about the penguins from Mario 64 getting revenge for all the times they've been pushed and thrown off of places and an allusion to the Bumpty Penguin species. It's so simple a concept, but always an intensely fun scramble. Definitely one of the best 'survival' based games where you have direct control.
Look Away (MP2)
BAH bah BAH-DAH BA ba-ba bah-dah BA bah BAH-DAH BUH ba-ba-ba buh BAH
...
Yehoo!
A game that really can only be played with three or four humans, as it just kind of becomes miserable chance with computers. It's a fun game of jukes and mindgames, especially given the half-second after the timer finishes that you're still allowed to move around in. But it absolutely needs the right people to play with - if you have a bunch of stone-faced analytic types, this is going to be the most dull affair. If you've got at least two wise-asses in the group, now it's a party. I also love how the heads that have been eliminated can keep playing, and love the animation where the losing heads just fade into nothingness before vanishing.
Face Lift (MP1 & MP2)
Face Lift is an unfortunate case where the flavor is so much stronger in the original game, but the execution is much stronger in the second. MP1's face lift is always on Bowser, and the parallels to Mario 64 are so strong and so much fun here. Hell, the background literally says "Super Bowser 64" repeating just like the Mario 64 title screen, it's utterly perfect! And frankly, Bowser's face is just a lot more interesting to stretch than the other characters - the giant eyebrows just make him naturally way more expressive. Unfortunately, most of Bowser's stretching patterns are way too easy to match. For a vast majority of them, all you need to do is stretch his bits to 100% elasticity and you'll get a solid 100 every single time. This absolutely trivializes Bowser's Face Lift, as the minimum required score of 80 is just WAY too easy to get. Mario Party 2 fixes this by giving each character three variations of their face AND turns it into a battle game in order to really up the ante... but I'm sorry, most of the faces are just boring. The Brothers Mario are quite dull since they lack the springiness of Mario's 64 head, Peach's stretchy features are just her hair, and Yoshi doesn't really have anything to grab onto other than his eyeballs that would make him fun. That leaves the already goofy-faced Wario and the weird hair tumor of Donkey Kong to carry novelty duties, and neither of them are up to the task. The background is also a whole lot duller, and most of the faces just have less places to grab onto than cuddly ol' Bowser. This is a damn fun mini-game, but a perfect version doesn't exist between the two games, kinda sad.
Triple 7 Golden Shroom
I'll tell you how cool it is when it happens, because this is something I have never witnessed personally (that wasn't save stated into existence, at least). I like that it exists, and it gives the usual great slot machine feeling of "OH TWO OF THE REELS ARE ON THE JACKPOT", but I can't really speak for it until it happens.
Peak Precision (MP9)
You don't need me to tell you that this is a great one. What I love about it compared to other reaction games is that it's essentially a test of immediate reaction time with the initial sprint, and then rhythmic reaction time as each new button prompt gets revealed. This puts it ahead of games that reveal all of their buttons at once (Saber Swipes) or in individualized sets (Fish & Drips), always keeping pressure on the player to react as swift and accurately as possible, while not looking too far ahead so they doing accidentally press something a few steps ahead in the pattern. Just a really strong, well thought-out mini-game.
Daisy
If you want to play to win, play as Daisy. Ever since her introduction, every single item and bone she's been thrown has been a winner. Personal item in MP3? Cellular Shopper, basically guaranteeing a Boo Repellant, Magic Lamp, Boo Bell, or whatever else with a one-turn delay, giving it just one extra degree of protection against the Plunder Chest. Duel Mode partner? Snifit, a partner choice that puts her into immediate top tier contention. Is he pricey? Yeah, but his ability to randomly find coins turns his -5 salary into a "randomly in between -5 and -1" salary, AND he can take a hit, unlike the other top tiers of Boo and Goomba, making him far more useful on a variety of maps. Personal orb? The best in the game, Flower gives you +3 PER SPACE and ignores traps, giving an up to 30 coin swing for FREE along with Metal Shroom's effects. Dice block in Super? The spitting image of consistency, all 3's and 4's, eliminating all doubt you're hitting anything but a VERY specific range. Combined with a go-getter attitude, the crown of devils in 3, and general "not Peach" appeal. She lacks the personality of other top tiers since HI I'M DAISY isn't.a Party saying, but you can't knock results.
Choosing Not To Buy A Star
I love little options in Super, with Toadette going “Huh. But why wouldn’t you?! Let me ask again…”, almost like a little “but thou must”. Despite appearances, there ARE a few good reasons for doing this. They are VERY situational, but they do happen. For example, if the star spawns in the Blooper carousel in Bowser Land and you’re not exiting the carousel, you can say “no” in order to stall the star spawn from appearing somewhere else until you’re guaranteed to get out, or say “no” during one pass only to say “yes” during the next so that you’re not fined by Baby Bowser during the second go-round. This is absolutely a psychological power play, though. It feels good every time, and if you can convince others that this is some kinda grand master plan, it’s utter bliss.
… but it’s usually pretty dumb and you should just take the damn star.
Kamek Ranks & Rates Anything Mario Party Related
Honestly I’m really happy with how the topic’s going! I’m just happy people are reading my stupid, rambling, run on sentence-fueled stream of consciousness paragraphs and finding some joy in trying to break down Mario Party way, way too hard. Thank you for reading = )
Insectiride (MP6)
There are several small things that Mario Party does that I absolutely love. One is, in battle games, allowing the player in last to have an advantage and choose first in games where they have to select from a few options. Another is having multiple different forms of inputs competing against each other, like in Ridiculous Relay. And another is having all the characters do a really stupid thing, and this is HIGH up there in a list of stupid things to do! Is it possible that, if you have a really good masher, they'll just outright outpace the best efforts that the stag beetle and snail vehicles can do? Yes, but in a lot of situations, the player who mashes the best is probably also good at a lot of other video games and likely isn't in last, so you can steal that vehicle from them and force them to use something worse. It's not a PERFECT solution, but it's a decently fun one.
Mecha Fly Guy (Mini-Game House)
Y'know all those games you play as a kid where you just punch each other until you bleed and whoever cowards out first loses? This is the equivalent of that, except if a video game told you how effectively you were bloodying the other kid. You pay actual coins to get this to happen. You know what's going on here, you know what you're doing. This is advanced dick measuring, not only being willing to feel pain, but be good at inflicting it in an observable metric. But also the boring mini-game house music is playing during the background so that sucks.
Mario Party-e
This was VERY poorly advertised. As a kid, I just thought it was a bunch of Mario Party mini-games to be added to Mario Party Advance and took a hard pass on it. I had no idea this was a physical Mario Party board game, which I would've purchased IMMEDIATELY just for the sake of having it. As such, I can't really rate it, and it's been demoted to a "someday... this will be mine" kind of status.
Castaway Bay (MP6)
The vastly superior version of Mario's Rainbow Castle, and probably the best of the "linear board" designs. Everything about this board is risk versus reward at every junction. Do you take the shorter path at the start and get a random orb, or do you go to the Item Shop and both get a selection of three orbs AND get a chance at a happening space to rotate the boats. Do I take the shorter path up the cliffside, or do I take the longer one? If I take the longer one, do I go on the Shy Guy Raft to try to get to the star quicker, knowing that Bowser could low-ball my roll in the process, or do I try to stall out for night in order to get Boo? The threat of Bowser stealing a star rather than just 40 coins makes every pass around the final island absolutely dire, and this map gets the absolute most out of the Sluggish Shroom, where being able to pick out your space and decide whether you want to risk a happening, target a DK or Bowser space, target Chance Time, or risk NOT using the Sluggish Shroom in hopes that your opponent will roll into the Bowser Boat. This is a board filled with mind games and calculated risks that players slowly make more dangerous by inevitably littering the jungle area with Klepto orbs. You could say that a low-scoring board like this (out of necessity since Bowser takes stars AND it has Boo active AND that MP6 lets you duel for stars) isn't super fun by the end, but I think this is an absolute riot of a board that gets the most out of all of Mario Party 6's items. I know Faire Square is usually the favorite, but this one's my true love out of MP6's selection. It is as nasty as a Mario Party 1 board could be, with all of the quality of life changes of MP6.
Bowser Land (MP2)
The best board in the series. I know that's a bold claim, but it is very, very true. In no other board are you trying to duck out of the way for just one more turn of safety, then resolving yourself to try out one of a myriad of different strategies. The banks' functions are reversed in this map (giving you money with each pass but taking away the entire debt on landing on it) constantly funneling you money is a brilliant way to bolster the economy, meaning that even players in last place can remain competitive. However, with each pass, the bank debt increases, meaning players may try to start avoiding it with side paths, mushrooms, or targeting Happening Spaces that are placed a few spaces in front of every bank. Every Happening Space on this board is a calculated risk - a great way to try to avoid nightmarish board events that will suck coins dry, but never a guarantee. The Blooper Wheel is essentially a controlled investment: spend a random amount of turns stuck in place, unable to get items, for guaranteed safety from the Bowser Parade and two Happening Spaces. The Bowser Parade, meanwhile, is the most powerful board event in the game - generating about as far from Start as possible, taking any player it comes across back to start, and taking two coins per space they travel. You can manipulate the parade route at one of three stations, making your intentions as to who you want to screw over VERY well known, always playing a political game in the name of chaos, AND with the five coin fee, it gives you yet another option with the bank's funds. The top right item shop forces you to purchase a random item for 12 coins (or a Warp Block for 17), essentially acting as a toll gate unless you're holding onto an item, BUT it has a chance of dropping Bowser Bombs and Bowser Suits, which are intensely useful on this map, making for yet another controlled risk. And there are just SO many unique and cute interactions in this map - changing the parade route for free if you're in a Bowser Suit, getting 20 coins from the bank if you're in a Bowser Suit, the bank TAKING A STAR if you land on the bank space with 0 coins. Hell, there's even a Star Spawn behind a skeleton key gate and a Boo behind another, so THAT sometimes useless item gets its chance to shine, AND there's an accessible Boo right next to the item shop that can be gatekeeped by the parade! AND Last Place is guaranteed 10 coins in the Last 5 turns, making this the most comeback-friendly board in the entire game with all the features it has to boost you up and then screw you over! All wrapped in a package celebrating how great Bowser is in a theme park skin. Every item, movement option, part of the board, and event works in tandem AND is useful, the rules of the regular game are twisted to be more fun, but not so much as to be unrecognizable, the Item Game is perhaps the only one that's skill-intensive (or at least always requires effort past initially learning it), there's no long stretch of board that's just a boring collection of Blue Spaces without something to do, and they even kidnap Toad in order to get you here and (rightfully) diss the other boards until you pick Bowser Land. Utterly masterful board design that hasn't been matched in 20 years.
Memory Match (MP1)
10 Free Coins. You would either have to forget how Ground Pounding works, be colorblind, or intentionally screw around in order to mess this one up. Worse than Ground Pound because it takes longer, but it’s equally as free.
Stake Your Claim (SMP)
Honestly most of the “Toadette brings out the giant Powerpoint screen” games are pretty good, this one not being an exception. The concept is simple, but the complexity of the squares on screen make the execution absolutely brilliant. It’s one of those games where you go “ahhhh shit” immediately after picking and seeing the better option in your opponent’s hands. Not much else to say, just a good idea done well.
Crazy Cutter (MP1 & MP2)
I have always been the best in any friend group I’ve had at this game, so it gets bonus bias points from me for being good at reviving fossils. If you need any advice, just try tracing closer to the inside of the shape than you think you need at times - the game judges you more harshly for being further out of the main shape than it does for you being a little bit inside. I like how your character obscures the vision of the line whenever you’re tracing upward, leaving you to work with your memory of the line - that’s very crafty and a lot more difficult than it would be if you just had the character hands tracing ala Face Lift. However, the MP1 game does have the flaw where you only need to pass the threshold in order to get coins, meaning that this is a very easy “everybody wins” game without the ability to mess with others, like Bombs Away (unless you shove your friends. Which is fine but makes you a villain). And both games do have the unfortunate tendency where, if you nudge your control stick the wrong way at the start, they’ll take it as auto-completing the line and you just don’t get to play the mini-game and get a 0. There’s really no way that could’ve been properly fixed other than putting immunity to that sensor at the start of the game, but it’s a frustrating nitpick nonetheless. I really love it, but it has understandably large problems.
Aces High (MP3)
… being totally honest with you, Star Fox 64 multiplayer was never really that good. Dogfighting is a really cool concept, but the Arwing is just too damn maneuverable and lithe compared to other dogfighting games that getting a good lock and hit on someone is really rough, and leads to a lot of just floating around. Assault really tuned that up, great multiplayer game. Aces High suffers from a lot of the same issues, and even though the planes are a lot less maneuverable than the Arwing, the slipperier controls of Mario Party still makes hitting anything an issue. Bullet Bills are sent in to alleviate this problem, but it becomes VERY easy to avoid an opponent the more planes hit the floor, to an almost Bumper Balls-like level. I do find it a bit better than BB, but this is a VERY easy game to Draw on. Maybe if it spawned mines or something instead of being on a timer, it’d be a more enjoyable game. Because the core concept IS really cool, it’s an awesome idea for a game. It’s just not done very well.
Shell Shocked (MP2)
Entirely dependent on format at how effective this game can be. In the single-pipe format, either you have alliances before you get into the game and you act on those, or it's just a free for all and whoever doesn't get a gun pointed at them at the start probably gets to win. In the other two formats, strafing around becomes way stronger as you don't just have a chance to die in the first few seconds. I do really wish that you had one more hit point for this game - two tends to be too few to react to being blindsided by someone, But, it's tanks. Not as good as Blast Corps but better than Conker's Bad Fur Day/
End of the Line (MP3)
Add one or two more checks and this becomes actually hectic. As-is, it doesn't matter what happens with the first two checks - whoever gets to check #3 first does a coin flip, and victory is entirely determined on if they call it right. Worse yet, this game just does not work out as a Duel Mini-Game. If you really don't want to lose money, you can easily just pick the same path as your opponent every single time and guarantee a draw. You CAN try to juke an opponent trying this out, but this is the easiest mini-game to draw on by just picking different directions on the third junction, then changing at the last second. There's a better version of this known as "A Bridge Too Short" in Mario Party 7, which had the advantage of being a Donkey Kong mini-game and having irregular timing. That one is also bad, but not literally "win a coin flip but sometimes don't". Luck-based mini-games have their place in Mario Party, but not ones that you can game so easily and have no sense of showmanship.
Pirate Dream (MP5)
AKA "The only board that people actually play in MP5". It's just something that stands out between "cutesy, cutesy, PIRATE, another underwater one, space, cutesey, BOWSER". In any case, this is some WEIRD-ASS design. Thwomp and Whomp are both gatekeepers, but neither function as they do in previous games and are instead just 10 coin tolls, AND they're directly next to each other. Whilst Thwomp provides a shortcut, Whomp essentially does nothing besides block a path that the star sometimes spawns in. It's just such an odd decision, placing them right next to each other when such an emphasis is placed on spaces. Speaking of them, Pirate Dream does the bad thing of sticking a lot of generics in a row and calling it a day, leading to a series of unevenful turns in strings of blues broken up by the occasional Bowser or Happening Space. Aaand unfortunately, that's where most players are going to stay, as the main Happening gimmick is having players stick near the start like it's DK's Jungle Adventure, but without even the chance to escape the starting stretch. It IS short... but the issue is that players cannot choose what they'd like out of Capsules and there are no junctions, meaning that the standbys of "just buy a Mushroom" or "try to do something else" are taken away and players are Midway Madness'd into sticking around the starting area. It's not nearly as bad as it is on that board, but it's a frustrating enough problem that centralizes gameplay to a loop around the top half of the map. It's not awful in any way, it's just... not really exceptional in anything but theming? And suffers from MP5 being bad in general and the Capsule system being pretty awful. Could be a LOT worse if there wasn't a Capsule Machine by the start, I can say that much!
Western Land (MP2)
Honestly? Just too many spaces. The theming is fantastic, the layout of the map is great, the fact that it has two Boos on opposite stretches keeps things really interesting, the Happening Space event is appropriately punishing... but this is one or two tweaks from taking a "good" board into an "amazing" board. There are tons of Blue Spaces in a row ALL over the map, meaning that uneventful stretches of turns are bound to happen AND the thrill of finding Hidden Blocks is reduced out of principle. Steamer, the way of getting around the map easily, is shackled to a luck system on whether he goes forward or backwards, making him unreliable for something without a cost, and considering that two of his stations can cause you to miss Boo with an unlucky roll, just generally undesirable. The size makes Mushrooms, Golden Mushrooms, and Magic Lamps extremely desirable, but difficult to get since the Item Shop skips the first go-'round to Boo AND doesn't start spawning Goldies until after the first five turns. As discussed in the Wiggler write-up, the Milk Bar could be better served toward the middle of the map. And the Skeleton Key gate in the top right is actively worthless other than to guard a Star spawn, utterly wasting a junction. Even the Bowser Bomb is less effective here, and that makes me sad. Just a couple tweaks - being able to pay Steamer more money in order to choose your direction, for instance - would make this exceptional. But as-is... it's definitely good. It's designed for players to be spread out unless milk drinking happens, and that makes star location changes exciting as SOMEONE'S very likely to be near it and draw groans from everyone else. Definitely a "childhood favorite" type of level that makes everyone feel like they're in the game at any time.
Saving Courage (MP1)
I love Mushroom Mix-Up's sound design. The way that you get the sound of draining water as the mushrooms sink underneath right after Toad's flag. It's not my favorite of the "sea" themes - I prefer The Wide, Wide Ocean because I can just HEAR the Shy Guy Says sound effects in time with the music - but it's got a great deal of variance and is perfectly evocative of its mood.
DK Space
I like it as the antithesis to the Bowser Space, but its implementation is a bit hit-or-miss. DK Mini-games are a great idea in practice, but in implementation they tend to be… not good. Most of them are basically luck-based, with only a few (usually those based on Donkey Kong Jr climbing vines or jumping over barrels) being any fun to actually play. The fact that DK can just randomly give you a star somewhat balances out Bowser being able to randomly take one away, and one of the best things 6 did was making the DK and Bowser spaces reflections of each other, changing between Day and Night. This absolutely peaks with Mario Party 8, where DK can often cause a REALLY GOOD THING to happen, but another player can ruin it by stepping on the space when it turns into a Bowser space, turning it into a REALLY BAD THING. Shy Guy’s Perplex Express and King Boo’s Haunted Hideaway especially benefit from this, but the “change face on every landing” system benefits all boards. DK’s Space is more mixed than anything, but it goes out with a bang and sticks the landing.
Mic Easter Eggs (MP6)
I love that these were programmed in. I especially love that there are some secret commands just tucked into mini-games, too, leaving players to be exceptionally confused when you shout “Goomba” and your giant attack robot spits out an oil slick of angry mushroom traitors. It’s merely cute, but I love it when games sneak these things in.
Donkey Kong
DK is my “Ride Or Die” character. It doesn’t matter what game it is, I will always support Donkey Kong. Smash, Mario Party, Mario Kart - doesn’t matter, if DK’s playable, I am obligated to rep him. As such, I cannot give anything but a biased account of his character, but I may try to explain his obvious superiority. First of all, they attempted to nerf DK three times and failed every time. When Signature Items were introduced, DK’s was the Bowser Bomb. This was DEVASTATING and could cause absolute mayhem. So they removed that in 3 and gave him… the Reverse Mushroom. THAT ended up being the most broken item in Mario Party, so in MP4 they gave him the Super Mega Mushroom, the unholy love child of the Bowser Suit and the Golden Mushroom that basically guaranteed the Coin Star. I’d like to think that, since DK decided to be the strongest CPU in every game for three games in a row, they banned him out of spite. No one screws with Hard DK.
I love the little animations DK ends up doing. He has a combination of cute references, like how he does the DKC ‘Bonus Room Win’ animation when he wins a board, to the generic gorilla chest beating, to a really weird gentlemanly bow that he does, to the part where his spine seems to give out and he just collapses ass-upward into the ground when he loses big. So much of it looks janky, and he ends up having the weirdest looking hitboxes due to his awkward form despite having the exact same model as everyone else, and that is always fun to have the uneducated complain about.
The DK Space Era is a weird time that… wasn’t really necessary. I love that he just has a chance of showing up in 5 if you land on a Bowser space. Lore in 2 says that he really wanted to beat Bowser up, and now in 5 he’s finally gotten strong enough that he CAN beat Bowser up, and Bowser fears getting beat up by DK! But the DK Space was a little too random to be particularly effective, and it was only when he was acting as a foil to Bowser that he’s great.
Competitively, DK’s bottom tier in Duel Mode. Whomp has a weird match-up spread where he’s GREAT against Daisy, terrible against Wario, OK against Yoshi, and utterly awful against Luigi. Due to Whomp’s 3-coin salary, DK’s often in no position to beat those with a lesser salary than him, and Waluigi just beats DK outright. Since DK can’t fight back until he completes a lap, and is a liability in the best map (Blowhard)… yeah it’s only that weird counter against Daisy, who he can successfully stall, that keeps him from being gutter trash. On the other hand, DK is BUSTED in Super Mario Party. Some laugh as DK is unable to get out of the starting area if he exclusively uses his character dice; these people are fools. +5 Coins, 0, 0, 0, 10, 10. This either guarantees that DK will have a fantastic roll or a stall. All DK has to do is land on a Good Luck Space or a Board Event space, and he can just… stay there, eternally reaping its benefits. I have cleaned out Whomp’s Domino Ruins of treasure, I have gotten a full suite of amazing items for FREE, I have farmed Flutter’s shop on the islands far better than any other character possibly could, and no one could stop me. Donkey Kong is a character capable of pulling out 2-star turns if he gets unlucky, and 4-star turns if he gets very lucky and uses all of his resources. Some characters can’t get 4 stars period. DK is minmaxed perfection, a high-risk high-reward character where the risk can be turned into unlimited advantage. Busted.
Simply put, you put DK in as a computer when you want to have a wild time. I rarely experience this, however, because this is my mans. If I were rating him with pure bias, DK would top the list easy, because all my favorite moments in my Mario Party career has my mans in it. As-is… he’s still pretty damn close to the top, but I’ll knock him down just a few pegs in the interest of fairness. He’s had his downs, but honestly, mostly has ups, and can be the most lethal CPU in the entire series. Long may he reign and long may I mourn his passing in Mario Parties 5 through 9. Age hasn’t slowed him down one bit.
Koopa’s Seaside Soiree (MP4)
Probably the only map that can get away with the awful hovering board design of MP4; the pathway works well enough as a boardwalk over the water and pathways around the resort grounds. The central gimmick of the board is actually pretty fun; the Koopa Bank is brought back as a central fixture, and instead of having one bank space to win big on, there are several ‘trap’ ? Spaces around it where you pay off the debt like it’s Bowser Land. Unlike Bowser Land, this gets you closer to a Happening Star win, so biting the bullet can be considered an investment, or swooping in to try to get prime Happening Star real estate. Everything’s great… except the banana peel junctions. Unavoidable, unadjustable 50/50 junctions are just… not fun, ESPECIALLY when they gatekeep star spaces, chance times, AND Boo. It is possible to just go absolutely nowhere you want on this map, and the almighty Mega Mushroom can’t even skip these junctions despite SUPPOSEDLY skipping all board events. It doesn’t help that the lower paths are just swaths of spaces that take forever to loop back ground to the interesting top of the board, where Boo, the Koopa Hotel, and the Lottery reside. This map can just randomly be super unfun for no reason, and that sucks. Soooo close to being good, but it ruins itself into being a pretty miserable time.
King Boo's Haunted Hideaway (MP8)
Probably the most amazing board the first time you ever play it. A totally randomized layout made of a hodgepodge of various rooms? Awesome! However it becomes... REALLY overcentralized with time. The only real strategy becomes "buy a lot of Thrice Candy" and "go in different directions". This wouldn't be too bad... except this totally screws with the board events. Every time that a player finds King Boo and takes his ridiculously cheap star (10 coins for a star, KB? Are you TRYING to cause Star Inflation?), he kicks everyone out of the mansion and shuffles the rooms around. This eliminates any active DK or Bowser Events (who replace dead ends with star giving/star losing opportunities) and actively screws anyone on a Golden Space, forcing them out. All alternative conditions other than "roll big, win mini-games" are thrown out the window except in very specific circumstances. It's probably a very good board if you are a few drinks in and no one can brain hard enough, but I really enjoy the deeper board mechanics and am not a fan when a board tears it out. Also animations are REALLY long on this board. Like, really, annoyingly long.
Luigi
Luigi's an unsung hero in Mario Party. He is also, however, Mario Party's perfect victim. Due to his love for the Skeleton Key, an item with intensely situational usefulness, he is, by far, the least threatening CPU aside from MAYBE Wario, but even then Wario can occasionally screw you out of money. Luigi is the perfect target to make the Easy CPU and laugh as he flounders about, desperately trying to make something of himself and making terrible decision after terrible decision. This is only compounded by his post-Luigi's Mansion, cowardly personality. No matter which Mario Party he's in, Luigi is the perfect butt of any joke.
But don't let that status fool you - Luigi is a stone cold killer. In Mario Party 3, the Millennium Star is searching for a superstar who represents every possible quality that a super star could represent. All of the other characters lean toward a specific trait - Wit, Kindness, Strength, Love, Courage, Beauty, or Mischief. Luigi... doesn't have any of these, taking up the slot of whatever character you chose that best represented that quality in the story's duel mode. This means that, if you are playing Luigi, he canonically bests every single other Mario character in a competition of what bests defines them. Hell, he defeats Waluigi one on one to avenge Bowser, in spite of Waluigi destroying Luigi's house and slandering his good name. Luigi is, canonically speaking, the most powerful, adaptable, and clever Mario character of all time. He just chooses to play the fool because it's more comfortable that way. I think that's why "Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing" is so strong - this is Luigi's world, he's just letting us party in it. He doesn't play to win, he plays to handicap himself, to pretend anyone else has a chance.
Balance-wise, Luigi's all over the place. Mario Party 3 he has Goomba, and is top tier because of it. 2 attack, 2 salary - a perfect combination that lets Luigi roll over any defensive partner other than Whomp, AND he can freely take advantage of the Power Up squares with absolutely no risk to the double salary cost. Double Goomba, due to the cost, is probably the easiest to get, most powerful force in Duel Mode, and can net Luigi super easy victories in no time flat. The ONLY counterplay to Goomba is Mr. Blizzard, and as he's not a starting partner, Luigi's basically got it made. However, he's got the severely underpowered and limiting Fireball orb in 7, and his dice block in Super is... midling. It's not bad, three 1's followed by 5, 6, 7. Keeping consistency in your lows and then a growing number exceeding the regular '6' isn't bad at all, but as has been discussed, 0 is always better than 1 in SMP.
Luigi's an odd case - underestimated by the masses, intentionally showing weakness, and secretly the greatest partier who ever lived. I don't think he's incredible - Luigi's Engine Room sucks, after all - and he's got stiff competition as most of the original Party cast is pretty fantastic. I feel like I can only give him an unassuming - but high - ranking, just as the man himself would want. In the words of the master, "Oh yeah, Luigi like-a dat".
Also his MP1-2 voice is super underrated and weird. What an odd, prissy bastard he is.
Rockin' Raceway (MP3)
I mean, it controls better than Epona! The theme of this mini-game is absolute top shelf stuff - a rocking horse race is hilarious and the clopping sound design is just masterful. The actual gameplay is... a bit less so. Of the methodical mashers, this one falls somewhere near the middle, all strategy coming from timing your presses right to nab the carrots. I do appreciate how each carrot gate is timed differently, with the first having about a three-second interval between changing whilst the second has a mere one-second interval. The photo finish potential, like a real horse race, is kind of amazing, especially with the characters bobbing back and forth being relevant for some really amusing moments. It's a simple game that doesn't reach the heights of, say, Mario Medley, but the presentation alone makes it a fun time every time.
Chance Time Music (MP3)
Significantly worse than Mario Party 1 and 2's. While those had a sort of jazzy upbeat swing to them, this somehow combines the up-tempo jazz feel of a casino track with a repetitive baseline better found in an elevator than in a glitzy showroom. The issue here is, Game Guy's Theme COMPLETELY shows this one up in every way, having a very natural climax to the song that this one just lacks, meandering along to its loop. It very much exists, but it's overwhelmed by its contemporaries in all directions.
Fowl Play (MP3)
You catch the chicken. This shows the frighteningly possible reality of what if Mario 64 had a terrible camera that you couldn't control, blindsiding you at all angles. This makes it a terrible game... unless you screen peek, which you absolutely should do as it enhances the game for both players. Focusing on the chicken single-mindedly is a recipe for disaster; the chicken is far smarter than any other Mario character (aside from maybe Luigi, master of wit). However, by reading your opponent's movements, you can bait them into leading the chicken toward a wall and sniping it from them as they scream obscenities at you for kill stealing. Whilst this game can end very fast, it is hilarious as it goes on longer; there's no better joy than laughing at two idiots failing to catch a chicken (aside from Bowser, of course). It's clunky, but in a good, always funny way.
MC Ballyhoo
HAAR HAAAR HARR! I'm still upset this guy isn't just Chuck Quizmo, but after the completely personality-devoid Brighton and Twila and the toothless Toadsworth, it's nice to have a Mario Party host with some actual showmanship again. Ballyhoo is glad to call his Last 5 Turns event "Chump Charity", and Hell, the guy has a hat that SHOOTS MONEY. It's just fun to watch this little gremlin move about, and his voice lines are fun enough to imitate mockingly. The only disappointing thing about him is that he doesn't end up being the secret final boss of story mode, it's just a disappointing fight with Bowser (which, to be fair, most of MP8's mini-games are disappointments). But he does his job really well, taking Toadsworth's propensity to say weird things and turning it into an actual personality.
Crate and Peril (MP6)
Add a jump button and it's a good game. As-is... you have to be asleep at the wheel to lose as the 1. Woulda been better in Mario Party DS. Bad game, easy fix, frustrating wasted potential.
Mario Party Boss Battles
Honestly, this depends on your implementation. For Mario Party 9 and Mario Party 10, where bosses are essentially glorified mini-games with that obnoxious "Last Hit!" bonus tacked on, I don't find them any different than normal mini-games and strictly unnecessary, even if Whomp Stomp is really good. In Mario Parties 1 and 2, where they're essentially just Hard Mode versions of regular mini-games, I don't really see the point, either. Toad in MP1 is just a Super Hard computer and Baby Bowser's Shell Shocked has all of the joy of a fighting game boss, trying to find the lamest strategy possible with the most consistent moves. This leaves the rest of the Bowser fights and the Millennium Star fight, and these are.. a mixed bag, to be honest. The issue with a lot of Mario Party bosses is that they only end up as poor man's Bowser fights, occasionally introducing light platforming. Their appearance and set dressing can be cool, but you're fighting against Mario Party's rigid controls more than the boss itself. Bowser's Lovely Lift is a nice deviation from this, essentially being a COMPETITIVE boss fight where you each take turns and Bowser has a consistent health bar, but is generally too easy and doesn't last long enough. I think the idea of a Mario Party boss fight is very fun, but they haven't really done a great one yet. I'd rather it be Banjo-Kazooie styled, where it ends up testing all of your skills. Imagine if there was an MP2 boss fight - it starts against Bowser in a Lava Tile Isle styled brawl where you dodge his attacks then punch him, then randomly he'll paralyze you in place and you have to dodge his fireballs in a game of Shy Guy Says, then he destroys the floor and you have to outrun him in a game of Skateboard Scamper, culminating in him being exhausted enough for you to overcome him in a game of Saber Swipes. You could ease these fights by adding items off the beaten path that give you revives, or just Bowser giving you continues the more you fail. Mario Party really fails to hit the "final exam" boss particularly well, putting over just how fun Mario Party is as a whole. There's a lot of potential here, it just needs to be used to its fullest.
Stardust Battle (MP3)
The song's kind of a bop. It's got a really dreamlike element to it, and fits the kinda trippy background really well. As for the difficulty... the challenge is literally "what if we make the slippery controls EVEN SLIPPERIER? Grabbing projectiles is super awkward, the stars from the sky aren't really dangerous as much as their lingering hitboxes on striking the ground are, and the only thing really difficult about the game is its time limit, since missing more than a cycle is probably a death sentence. It's a really cool concept but MAN does it suck to play. Probably the most miserable-playing boss game, even including Baby Bowser's Shell Shocked.
Poison Mushroom (MP3)
The most situational of the shrooms. There are some decent strategies you can implement with this thing - if you purchase one in Deep Bloober Sea, you can basically guarantee a two Happening Space minimum when going to the Top Left, more if the giant angler fish decides to blow you to the right, letting you loop back to him after passing Boo - but this is mostly a reactionary item that's too slow to utilize. The obvious usage of "play on your opponent when they're close to, but not within 3 spaces of, a star" is something that can only be used in reaction, and likely something you'd only play if you had randomly gotten it from an Item Space or Item Bag. However, it's got the same price as the Reverse Mushroom, comes from the same shop, and has roughly the same usage in denial, the Reverse Mushroom having more utility on top of it. There are fringe uses to the Poison Shroom, but it's often not better than the Reverse. Play only if you're in contention for Happening Star and the board has two or more happening spaces in a row.
Mario's hat
Colorful and playful. Sturdy enough to fit his head in even the most adverse of conditions, but comfortable enough with enough poof under it to not be making his hair drenched in sweat. Is apparently worth more than a treasure chest in the Slot Machine mini-game, so that's cool. But it can't brainwash people or make Mario die of heatstroke without it in Mario Party so it's very badly nerfed here.
Big Top (MP8)
why is the hat alive i hate it. Not only is it alive, but it's got that ugly clown makeup with the three eyelashes. Clowns can be really cool, but the three eyelash makeup is a death sentence that ensures that the only one having fun is the clown. Adds nothing to Ballyhoo as neither is a straight man to the other, or even trying different styles of comedy; his hat just talks for some reason and is boisterous and makes unsettling noises. Gross hat man.
Coward Gloves (MP1)
Whilst I do find it hilarious that Nintendo lost thousands of dollars having to send out gloves to protect the children, and I do appreciate them being cute little Mario gloves, anyone who uses these is missing the point. You don't play Mario Party 1 to NOT be in physical pain. It turns all the control stick spinners into merely "uncomfortable" instead of a moral choice. There's novelty in here and it completes the story and legend of the control stick spinning, but if you use them you're officially the least powerful member of your friend group. Ties are decided by who suggests gloves or put them on first.
Grand Canal (MP7)
If you tried to create the most average board possible, inoffensive in almost all areas but without anything particularly exceptional, you would end up with Grand Canal. The venice theming is fine if feeling very "safe", the cool juggling Blooper is almost never interacted with due to only being on a few star paths, the Shy Guys that throw coins at the peasants down below for their amusement is pretty fun but gives you a few too many coins, and there are a bunch of junctions that get more limited when Bowser decides screw it, I want to blow up a bridge today. Grand Canal stands out as just "a good-ass board for good-ass Mario Party". Pretty much all are equal here, you can go for rolling big or try to set traps at chokepoints, you can play the long con game with Orbs or you can try to target Happenings. Of the "generics" I think I prefer E. Gadd's Garage to it as those Happening Spaces just have a lot more going on, and the flavor is weak in general for this one, but it's entirely inoffensive. Which... technically makes it a good board since a ton of Mario Party boards have major issues!
Mini-Game Shop (MP1)
The store owner is less interesting than a literal tree. I do kind of like the idea of purchasing mini-games in order to play them, but then I'm a weird person who thought that unlocking the Smash Ultimate roster was fun. The Pot 'O Skills leads to one of the most boring maps in all of Mario Party (mini games just aren't as fun without Boo to screw with you after) and is a disgrace to fictional pots. Also you could RENT mini-games in this one, which is weird and dumb, you get so much money from the boards why would you do that? And you don't have to actually interact with this place at all to play on Mini-Game Island. Honestly the most interesting thing here is Mecha Fly Guy, which is... kinda sad, really.
Control Schtick (MP6)
If I'm honest with myself, in spite of the significantly worse flavor, this is probably the superior version of Shy Guy Says. Having to point in two different directions with two different sticks isn’t too hard, but requires just enough brain power to do it under the time limit to be constantly engaging. Sound design with the big BWOOM whenever players have to choose a direction is really solid. I am slightly disappointed that the speed cap goes faster than human reaction - one of my favorite bits of Shy Guy Says was that duels could last FOREVER as endurance matches until someone blinks. But it more than makes up for that by being a Battle mini-game, meaning that investment in pure skill and reaction time absolutely matters. Plus that’s an utterly aces pun.
Baby Bowser Host (MP2)
Toad should stay kidnapped, we’ve found the superior model. I love the little scene of Toad getting kidnapped starting with the regular music, it just makes it such a shock seeing Toad’s little room from a further out angle as he gets mugged and beaten. Legitimately a super cool surprise and makes Bowser Land look super appealing.
The Mario Cast's Facial Hair Grooming Practices
I mean... neat, but creepy. Like, just get married at that point if you're coordinating that hard, Peach. With Daisy at least it makes more sense - Luigi's a good guy, but he's too scared to leave his status quo, scared enough that he just has mansions sitting there collecting dust and lives in a shitty house with Mario despite being rich enough to buy the kingdom twice over. But it's just inexcusable for the main couple, like, just pick the loser with a heart of gold or the loser who will take 20 coins from you and you'll feel great about it, Peach.
Lottery Shop (MP4)
I mean, there's no reason NOT to use it. Five coins for a 25% chance of a far greater return (with the scratch card, at least - ball rolling game is a total crapshoot) is an absolute "why not". You could, of course, choose not to use it... but then also you'd be boring and no one else playing will like you, because not gambling is always far less fun than gambling, and the chance to win big and gloat is always better than the expectation of merely losing five coins. It's strictly a worse Game Guy due to the diminished potential reward compared to the far lesser risk (unless you count the Last 5 Turns Lottery, which would be fair and is a reason that you should try to visit the Lottery Shop at least once), but it's inoffensive. I wouldn't care if it came back or no, but it at least gives SOMETHING to try to work toward and use as a last-ditch desperate effort in some boards.
Wii Party
Honestly I've never played it! I'm fine with Party Phil, and I've seen some gameplay of Wii Party U and it looks like a decently frustrating, ultimately harmless time, but of the major Wii partiers this is the one I just don't have experience with.
Time To Shine (SMP)
I mean... it's Rhythm Heaven. Right down to the sound design for the beats, this is just Rhythm Heaven with a Mario coat of paint, and not even a particularly effective coat. I mean, it's still placing intensely high because Rhythm Heaven is amazing, and seeing characters like Monty Mole do the running man will always be amusing. I just wish it were a Rhythm Heaven game instead. Probably the most negative "I love it" write-up you'll get outta me.
Sweet Dream (MP5)
Oh boy, I sure do enjoy futility and looping around the same few areas of the board again and again! Sweet Dream combines all the joys of Mario Party 5's bad board design and mixes it with some Toad's Midway Madness crap to make something almost insufferable to play on! Mario Party 5 tends to have a focus on its boards having lots of circles to loop around on (Toy Dream excluded), and Sweet Dream is no exception. It is VERY easy to either get stuck in or just kinda find no reason to leave a specific section of the board for turns on end. This is exacerbated by the falling bridges of cookies, alternating with each pass through. I am NEVER a fan of these, locking players out of a choice just for the sake of some who roll higher and go first randomly getting an advantage sometimes. Gnarly Party's tend to be a little better due to requiring multiple passes to go through, more reminiscent of the check in Deep Bloober Sea than anything, but here it's just going through the motions. Happening Spaces are intensely dull outside of the BIG BIRTHDAY BASH which can just randomly net you a star from every player. Y'know, that super important, super expensive thing that you needed The Big Boo for in MP2? It's just free sometimes if you land on a space now. Otherwise, it's just slices of cake moving you to other parts of the board. Sweet Dream just has the issue of being so damn BORING most of the time. It can't take advantage of the Capsule system since the alternating pathways prevent consistent chokepoints, movement is dull, Happening Spaces are either dull or busted. The only real benefit is if you litter the board with Capsules - but then why are you not playing on any other board to do that? Except the one that's worse, of course.
Spotlight Swim (MP3)
If either the diving player didn't have a period of time where they couldn't move after going underwater OR they were completely impossible to track underwater, this would be.a fairly decent 3v1 about deception and reads. As-is, it's ten free coins for the 3 players. I like Lakitu coming in if the one player wins to rescue helicopter them out of jail, but you'll never get to see that. One of the go-to examples for unbalanced mini-game design.
Creepy Cavern (MP3)
One of the more underrated tracks in Mario Party, Creepy Cavern's got such a nice, chilled-out beat to it. The remix of the 1-1 theme is used to great effect as the bridge here, fitting in as the percussion while the synths get to do their work. That is where my praise for the board ends. I understand the conceit of a board divided in half by Skeleton Key gates, and the idea of passing behind with the Thwomp mine carts is a very fun one. The issue is, it's a board designed around limiting movement options as much as possible in the Mario Party with perhaps the most freeform and interesting board movement in the series. So many turns in Creepy Cavern end up being a waste, and due to it taking so long for everyone to get to the side that they want, low-star games are very frequent. This isn't as much an issue in boards like Mystery Land or Yoshi's Tropical Island, where players are separated but keep moving often due to Happening Spaces. But the Happening Spaces of Creepy Cavern are so linear, the state of the game doesn't really change with them - they're strategic tools to be used if a player happens to roll close to them. There are strategic item applications for this board - Warp Blocks, Poison Mushrooms, and Skeleton Keys can be used to great effect here, and the Magic and Lucky Lamps are significantly more powerful. However, this is a map that limits the power of the Mushroom and Golden Mushroom by design, which makes the glut of spaces you have to traverse before you can make any big plays agonizing. If you cut out about 18 or so spaces from this board, movement would be snappy and it'd be a very kinetic board that still has SOME problems (I think a different pattern than 'straight back and forth', like diagonals, or a crossing box shape, would make the mine carts more interesting), but would be a Hell of a lot more fun than it is now.
Bowser Suit
The eternal flaw of the Bowser Suit has always been that it does not increase the amount of dice you roll when using it. The possibility of getting a 1 and failing spectacularly to Bowser up anyone is always there. In spite of that... God is this thing a fun item. Characters always look so doofy in it, and that animation where the single player wins Tug-O-War and attempts to laugh is an absolute favorite. The way it interacts with board events is also pretty hilarious - the Millennium Star being scared of you, Baby Bowser giving you ALL THE MONEY he's collected during a board in Mario Party 2, being able to pick what direction to go at the Banana Peel Junction in Koopa's Seaside Soiree because "Bowser does not slip on banana peels" - the flavor that you get with this item is exceptional. Buying it is very rarely a good idea, and it's often surrounded by much more appealing items, but it's fun and can be incredible in certain situations. If only it wasn't so damn RARE in Mario Party 4 - that game desperately needs more fun items. A great item brought down by how generally impractical it is.
Grab Bag (MP1)
AKA "ensure that whoever is in the lead for the mini-game star has a miserable time". It's not my favorite of the needlessly cruel mini-games when Bash 'n' Cash exists, but it's a fun enough time. Rarely does Mario Party just let you go "yeah, screw with each other's coins willy nilly, do whatever you need", and rarely can friendships be strengthened and ended so quickly as they can playing this game. The controls do suck, which both helps and hinders it - it's hard to hit, but the lag after you complete a jump leaves you nice and vulnerable for even a bad player to take advantage of. I don't find that the coin swings it gives are large enough to matter in most situations, but if a player is only a few coins away from a Star or Star Steal... oh baby, the bullying potential is so strong and snowballs so hard.
Blooper (MP8)
Too cute. Just utterly adorable in all animations. Mario Kart regulates him to a worthless item because they are terrified of what would happen if they allowed this adorable monster to reign free. Probably the most instantly appealing "cute and cool" character since Yoshi himself, only matched by Monty Mole. But I actually think I like his animations a bit more than Monty - there's so much you can do with a free-floating character who actually has limbs to express himself with. My instant go-to for MP8, and I don't see why he wouldn't be someone else's.
"Good Choice!" (MP3)
Good choice! Waluigi > Luigi > Daisy > Mario > Wario > Peach > Yoshi > DK for a "Good Choice" tier list. Waluigi channeling all of that Dick Dastardly energy into one line, Luigi sounding like he ran out of breath between each word, Daisy not sounding like a vapid airhead and actually confident in herself, Mario sounding like Mario, Wario's choking a bit on his own words and doesn't sound quite as German as before, Peach is just her usual airhead serenity from this era, and Yoshi noises are cuter than DK noises.
Woody's 777 Message (MP2)
... huh, I was actually now years old when I learned about this. Neat, thanks! I like learning new things! Too minor to really rank fairly, but cool!
Snifit Patrol (MP2)
Well first of all, they're Snufits in this game, not Snifits. You can tell by the shape of the mask looking less goggle-like and the portrait not having a lower body. People get confused with the Whomp/Thwomp bullshit when these guys have been faking their race for 20 years. There's a joke to be made about law enforcement here, as well as needing to pay them to do their job. I like the idea of them more than the implementation - every time that you set up a speed trap, you're essentially causing everyone who hits a Happening Space at either the top or bottom of the board to be in the path of Black Hole Bowser's poverty beam. The issue is, it's only really advantageous in a situation where you're already ahead of someone with more coins than you positionally, are not landing on a Happening Space in the next turn, AND the black hole counter is low. It can optionally also be used if the Star Spawn is on the laser's path, you're landing on a Happening Space, and there's no one else on the row in front of you. It's an occasionally useful movement option, moreso than the Hootenanny in Western Land, it's just... very rarely good? It'll be ranked lower because Wigglers are way cuter than Snufits.
Instruction Manual (MP7)
https://i.imgur.com/1cNZc3V.png
I wonder who she is, what's her story. Who are you, Instruction Book Mic Lady? Anyway the rest of the book gives the most low-effort job possible trying to be, like, travel brochure advertisements for places, and it's colored a nifty blue. It's very aesthetically pleasing to look at. But also it's significantly worse than Wario World or Donkey Kong Country's, and if you're not aiming high, like, what're you doing?
Golden Mushroom
The holy grail of "I want to move somewhere RIGHT NOW". A potential movement of 30 spaces is HUGE - Mario Party boards range from about 70 to 100 spaces, so moving somewhere around a third of all the spaces potentially is INCREDIBLE. However, it is always very cleverly balanced. In Mario Party 2, it's often the worst of the "great" items, normally passed over for a Boo Bell or a Magic Lamp, even occasionally a Bowser Suit or Plunder Chest. Its 20 coin price tag keeps it VERY hefty - in order to properly use it, you have to have at least 40 coins in order to afford both it and a star, possibly 45 in the very likely case a bank is in the way. At that point, you COULD instead be saving for Boo, and it's only 10 coins more to bypass the whole damn rolling process and get a Magic Lamp instead. In 3, it only shows up in Toad's shop, but interacting with board events is MUCH more powerful in 3, as the cacti in Spiny Desert and Monty Mole checkpoints in Woody Woods can attest to. However, that also means passing up on Boo Repellant, making it a strong comeback item instead of a "secure lead" item in most situations, and it's weaker than a Magic Lamp in the same situation as both have been given a 10 coin discount in 3. The Golden Mushroom is shockingly well-balanced to never be the BEST option in most situations, but always being a GOOD option. And if a star should happen to align itself right in front of Boo or before an advantageous board event (Space Land especially), it has the potential to to better than its betters with the power of sheer board awareness. Whereas most Mario Party items are hyper specialized, the Golden Shroom proves to be intensely flexible.
Shy Guy's Perplex Express (MP8)
I LOVE this freakin' map. First off, it's a train. Walt Disney loved trains more than he loved animation and slightly less than he loved capitalism, which makes it the perfect amount of great without becoming controversial. Perhaps less importantly, train levels are almost always great. Uncharted, Wario Land, Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, A Hat In Time, Red Dead Redemption, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door - if a train is involved, shit is crazy. Secondly, this is the "linear" map absolutely perfected. The head of the train holds the Shy Guy conductor, who sells stars like normal, but if you land on a DK Space, shit goes off the rails. DK gives out a star for FREE to the first person who gets to him, and people LOVE free stuff. This would make movement-increasing Thrice Candy insanely powerful... except if a player lands on a Bowser Space, Bowser puts his OWN train in place, forcing a star out of anyone who meets him. This would make the Bowser and DK space super valuable to target at specific times... except Happening Spaces cause Kamek to change the position of the train cars, yanking someone who was just about to get a star to the back of the line. So obviously you'd only want to target Happening Spaces at the back of the train... EXCEPT once you visit the train cabin, you're forced on the roof to traverse the train in reverse on a top path, meaning that you WANT the front car to go to the back. AND there are OTHER happening spaces that spit you out from the roof to the cabin and vice-versa. No matter where you are on the train, you can have SO many game plans based on what Candy you've picked up, who's running the train, where the Golden Space has moved to, where your opponent's are - there is not a single board other than maybe Bowser Land that explores the item system more thoroughly. The linearity makes all of the offensive candies SO much stronger strictly due to the lack of junctions, and it turns the slow-rolling shroom from a game breaker at times into a strategic option that EVERYONE has access to at all times. Almost worth playing Mario Party 8 for this board alone. And the fact that DK and Bowser's trains are just giant versions of their Mario Kart Double Dash karts is just... mwah. Beautiful.
Card Party (MP5)
I mean, it's a total luck-based crapshoot... but I'm a sucker for revealing a whole map and weighing my options. It's a "press your luck" style game executed in an... admittedly slightly creepy way with the weird Mario chess pieces. It's not deep or anything, but it's fun.
Commercial (MP1)
Confirmation that Mario resisted arrest and cannot return to Brooklyn because of crimes against palms. I miss the Play It Loud days of Nintendo commercials - you had a bunch of over the top, in-your-face attitude ads like this, Yoshi's Island, Pokemon, and Donkey Kong 64, then the utterly somber Majora's Mask commercial, and the "fun with live action" ones in Paper Mario and Super Smash Bros. This one doesn't rank QUITE as high, takes a while to get to the punchline, but the animation of Mario kicking his baby legs as the police hoist him up is pretty great.
Shock, Drop, or Roll (MP2)
A very fun game until someone figures out the strategy for winning the game easy every time (just spam jump). Then it's horribly unbalanced in favor of the 3. It gets a few points over its "free coins for a certain group" contemporaries, though, for being just... so needlessly cruel. Why did Mario design this death trap and why did his friends agree "yeah, running on a treadmill to avoid death by electrocution after a fall sounds like a GREAT idea?" Among the most true examples for this comic.
Blowhard (MP3)
The best duel map... basically by default. It has junctions that are short enough that you can chase your opponent down well, but the giant fan in the middle keeps them from over-extending. Belltop being in the middle also keeps it from being TOO abused, as then you're offering your opponent a positional advantage in an attempt to either escape or press your own. It's, like, the only actual strategy other than "well HOPEFULLY I'll come out somewhere good" in Pipesqueak. Which doesn't carry the mode out of being bad but... it's a start?
Happening Star
Definitely the weakest of the three classic Bonus Stars, but it's always an interesting, alternative win condition. I was a kid who ran Wildfire mill decks in Pokemon and Exodia decks in Yugioh - in short, I was a horrible child. This fits in with finding that secret, bonus objective off the beaten path. How GOOD the Happening Star actually was and how fun it was to seek out depends on the board. Some (Bowser Land, Deep Bloober Sea, Waluigi's Island) use it to great effect in order get you to stall at particular areas in order to try and get a huge lead on it. Others (Yoshi's Tropical Island, Mystery Land, Pirate Land) have it so baked into their identity that individual sprints toward it MAY be difficult, but it'll always be there, causing some mischief. And then you have boards that just suck with it and you'll be lucky if anyone gets the Happening Star at all (Boo's Haunted Bash, Wario's Battle Canyon). I'm very glad it's in, there definitely needs to be an equalizer solely based on board play since the Mini-Game Star is based on the other, and I think it's superior to the Far Star or Red Star in that regard, but it's too board dependent to be anything but better than its own tier.
Duel Game Themes (MP6)
Space is pretty boring, the weird pastel factory is SUPER boring, and spooky world is actually a pretty cute aesthetic. In general, I hate reusing aesthetics for mini-games, though, and these are no different. Surreality is one of Mario Party's greatest artistic strengths, stripping that away from it is just intensely disappointing. At least space and spooky SOMETIMES try to mix it up and look different, that factory aesthetic is just dull and disappointing every time it appears.
Honeycomb Havoc (MP2)
You have zero agency if you are third or fourth and the player in first or second has any idea what they're doing. Negotiate for your life so you get to choose which of you gets to live, but SOMEONE is going to get screwed, which isn't very fun. Otherwise, it's one of the more fun 'cerebral' games. It's not terribly hard, as all you have to do is be able to count to 5 and you win once you're down to 3 players. Force whoever's going next to have 5 fruits or coins remaining and the absolute worst they can do is reduce you to a state of either 1 or 3 fruits left on your next turn. Take 1 or 2 reactionarily and you win. Then for the 1v1, ensure that you'll have either 5 or 4 fruits remaining on your turn. Take the exact number needed to get 3, and your opponent will be unable to react, guaranteeing the beehive lands on them. You CAN screw yourself up trying to overthink it, but you're given long enough to think that it's not exactly difficult to picture things in your head. Just limit your opponent's moves rather than trying to calculate all the possibilities and negotiate if it's not a 1v1. Sometimes you'll just lose, and that'll suck, as the environment isn't QUITE controlled enough to purposefully sandbag as you can't count on everyone's mental state to be sharp enough to use this game smartly (it's Mario Party, your brain will deteriorate). But the music is pitch-perfect for it and it makes people feel stupid, so that's good.
Hotel Goomba (MP5)
Such an awesome idea for a mini-game. This is one I would've loved to see the "bonus" treatment with, just tons of different rooms with a limited number of resets. Unfortunately, the execution leaves a LOT to be desired. If it's been played even twice before, pathing is super easy as the puzzle is always consistent, and you basically have to rely on someone having sub-optimal movement or making a mistake to have this not come down to a coin flip. Super fun game ruined by its lack of ambition.
Snowflake Lake (MP6)
It has Whacka from Paper Mario on it. Whacka is the greatest Mario character ever invented, so clearly the map should be great, right? Well... not entirely. Of the recurring gimmicks in 6 and 7, "start with 5 stars and have Chain Chomp steal for you" is one of my least favorites. The way Chain Chomp function is you pay him coins, like Boo, and then get to roll dice blocks based on the number of coins you gave him at night or 20 coins for one during the day. Anyone you pass during that roll gets their star stolen, essentially a Bowser Suit on steroids. My issue is that there... really isn't much strategy to this. If you're buying during the day, it's an absolute Hail Mary, as you could just roll a 1 and there's your money for nighttime all gone. If you're rolling at night, you're getting the 3 dice option because of course you are, but most players with the lead are going to try to stick the night out in the central area, where you get to play a fun ice rink game way too often because everyone goes to the center area and keeps stepping on the damn Happening Spaces. There are some light strategic elements - you could buy a Triple Shroom Orb and then power forward past.a dog house to the next in order to make someone who's safe feel off-guard - but the fact that the Chain Chomps move you anyway makes buying movement options feel redundant for the most part, as you're already extending your rolls with the doggos. It's a cute idea and honestly pretty fun board design, but the way the chomps function overcentralizes strategy waaaaay too much.
Sparky Sticker (MP4)
Garbage item. I understand that it's meant to be a counter to the Mega Mushroom - you're guarding a pathway so that someone can't run over you. However... it costs 15 coins to get this item. The item takes away 10 coins. Just by buying the item, in the best case scenario, you are losing 5 coins compared to your opponent so that they don't MAYBE run you over when you could probably very easily do the same to them. Considering how easy it is to get Megas and that Mega Mushrooms SKIP THE STAR in general... this is just useless. It might have some use if you could get it from an item space, but whoops! Those are gone, more mushrooms in your diet, please! There's an idea behind this thing's design, but it's done so badly compared to everything surrounding it that it's just a waste of money every single time. Please just save for a Gaddlight, Crystal Ball, or Magic Lamp - that's about all the store's good for in 4, anyway.
Mario Party: Star Rush
Unfamiliar! I skipped out on the 3DS games (besides Top 100, which I borrowed and watched enough of to hate on principle that it exists), but this one intrigued me with the mode that would eventually become Partner Party. And... yeah, that was interesting! I'm fine with cute experiments like this, I wish they wouldn't sell it as a full retail game, but it's fun to see them experiment!
Couldn't Be Better (MP2)
Theme of hijinx. I love how this mini-game tends to sync to the main cymbal crashes at the start. The START voice usually syncs to right before the last notes of the intro, and then that tends to time out to time-based games ending right at that same loop point. That's fun and strong sound design, really appreciable.
Talking Parrot
Not quite sure it's a Top 5 parrot in games - video games have a SHOCKING number of good parrots, after all. I appreciate that the Mario Wiki specifically says that "The parrot is only for show and a good laugh". Is it sad that, due to the randomized nature of the voices coming out of its beak, you can't just spam D'OH I MISSED to your heart's content? Yeah. But such is the burden of Talking Parrot. He's also got a little head bop with attitude, that's cool.
Yoshi
Oh poor, naive Yoshi. He’s told a direct lie by Toad at the beginning: the Super Star requires kindness. And the poor sucker takes those words to heart, defining himself as the kindest of all (note: if you are bragging about how kind you are to prevent someone else from fulfilling their dreams, you have problems). However, there is one undeniable fact: Yoshi is cute as heck in the N64 games. The Mario Party model of Yoshi is probably the greatest balance between his Super Mario World ‘dinosaur’ design and his Yoshi’s Story ‘straight upright human in a dinosaur costume’ design; he’s got a little lean as he goes forward, always leading with his head, but his body’s pretty squat and keeps him standing upright. Combine that with his big ol’ eyes and you’ve got an intensely cute character to look at. Couple this with having arguably the strongest Duel Mode partner in Boo, who is weaker than Luigi’s Goomba economically but far better on Blowhard and Backtrack due to knowing Destiny Bond, and Yoshi’s greatest time is, inarguably, on the N64. His signature item is Warp Block, which is kind of “eh” compared to most of the other sigs, but it just makes Yoshi more agreeable and enjoyable as a computer player. You’re never upset to see Yoshi; he is, by all accounts and definitions, a good boy.
As with a lot of characters, the Gamecube severely screwed up Yoshi’s voice. While not quite as grating as waiting for Peach and Daisy to get their footings with their characters or unintentionally hilariously bad as Scott Burns as Bowser… yeah the “pwee pwoohs!” of old being replaced with Yoshi’s Story’s best, combined with Yoshi’s established “modern” design taking over, really didn’t do the guy any favors. Yoshi continued to be a good part of the cast, don’t get me wrong - it’s hard to HATE the guy and he was STILL the cutest until Boo showed up - but he settled into a very “average” role. His orb in 7 was middle of the road, he became more tired the more and more games used the same damn Yoshi voice clips, and perhaps rubbing the most salt in the wound, he’s probably the worst character in Super Mario Party. 0-1-3-3-5-7. Worse than the regular dice block’s average, unable to get a reliable stall, his small advantage in having a 7 too inconsistent to hope for - only Koopa Troopa really comes close in how bad he is (and some would argue Monty, but 0 > 1 every day, baby).
Yoshi’s a sad story - he’s never bad (except when he is), but he’s far from his glory days. He’ll always have his fans, and they absolutely deserve to ride or die behind him, but that spark of a young, naive boy is gone, replaced with the complacency of a veteran just riding out his contract that he realized too late will never end. He doesn’t hate the game - partying was his life for a time - but he’s numb to it, recycling the same old gimmicks and putting on a tired little show. I respect the dino, few have given more for this business than he, but he needs to innovate on his presentation instead of just hoping new fans will meet him for the first time and latch onto what was cool all those years ago. I feel like I’m doing him dirty, but perhaps it’s a mercy? Or maybe it’s just animal rivalry as a DK main, I dunno.
Mushroom Genie
"Mushroom-Kadabra" is a lame saying, and the far cooler "Fungus-Pocus" is used, disappointingly, on the inferior Mushroom Jeanie. However, you gotta appreciate the moxie of this guy. The dude is an absolute powerhouse, flying through the sun AND doing a Charizard Seismic Toss in order to get you to land on the star. He doesn't just fly ten feet, no, this absolute beast will make a show of his time freed from the lamp. I love the Arabian Nights aesthetic in general, and this loser with his watermelon pants makes the absolute most of perhaps being secretly the strongest Mario character. However, his true star shines in Mario Party 4. Like it or not, that's what peak performance looks like; being able to create earthquakes with nothing but your own girth SO accurate that you're able to blast someone off to a specific location within a one meter diameter. You can do this a lot more boringly, as the Flutter orb would later prove, but the genie decides to style and be a highlight. Good on you, getting over even when you've let yourself go horribly.
Domination (MP4)
Will a certain member of each friend group win this every single time? Yes. But this is the best pure mashing game in the series. Simply telling you how well you're mashing in a 10 second sprint lets you know just how far away you are from your friend group's peak, lets you observe what they're doing, and allows you to improve with further practice and thought. This is a mini-game that elevates the average, and the visual spectacle of seeing each Whomp fall is really fun. As a pure masher, it can only get SO far, but it's probably the mini-game that lets you improve at it the most.
Shy Guy's Jungle Jam (MP4)
Yet another board suffering from the "too many spaces" disease. The bottom right section of the board where you begin has 11 spaces in a row that range from Blue to Red to Mushroom, ensuring that each match is off to just the most RIVETING of starts. The path from the right Klepto peak, meanwhile, has NINETEEN spaces between it and the next junction, with the most interesting space in between it and said junction being ONE Warp Space. The Item Shop is a full 17 spaces away. This is a board that BEGS for the Mega Mushroom in order to be interesting, but requires about the 3rd or 4th turn to get there. That's really the main crime of the board - it's just boring. Junctions exist to either progress you back down a linear path to get back to the dull-as-Hell Start loop or to do a temporary loop... that ends up back at the dull-as-Hell Start loop. Klepto SHOULD, in theory, give easier access to the Boo pipe, but the ghost's presence is diminished, as usual, by being locked behind a Mini pipe WITH A WARP SPACE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, AND Klepto always begins closer to Boo and would only alternate to take players back down the boring jungle path at the start. The Happening Space gimmick is actually really nicely done, the spaces always located after a player crosses a river and giving a 50/50 if they'll be able to guard their position. Three Happenings in a row make them farmable with mini-mushrooms, and that ends up as really appealing design. What's frustrating about Jungle Jam is that it doesn't really have a reason to be as bad as it is - remove about six spaces from the starting loop and take out the Mini pipes entirely and this board actually has some relatively nice flow to it. But what obstacles are there just make it a slog to play.
Spiny Desert (MP3)
Hey kids, do you like Boo? How do you like an almost guaranteed 3 passes of Boo with a Reverse Mushroom? Spiny Desert is one of the most degenerate maps in all of Mario Party, and it's fun purely because of that. Sure, the bottom left of the map is a big nothing with Too Many Spaces disease, but there's a lot of fun to be had. The Happening Spaces are intensely farmable, as each sand pit spits you out to another and sends everyone in it to the same space, resetting your position and letting you infinitely loop to farm to your heart's content. This also creates the opportunity for a TON of Duel Mini-Games on the Last Five Turns. The mirage star is actually decently clever, always spawning in a space where the star hasn't been before unless the game outright runs out of Star Spawns, making it not something that can be easily cheated... except for the Mushroom Genie, who'll go straight to the star every single time. This makes the lamp EXTRA desirable on this map, especially if you're trapped in the sand pit. But Boo... oh baby, Boo. This map has the best skeleton key gate placement in the entire series, one gate guarding Boo and the other providing a shortcut to the top of the map at the start. However, what's also there is a cactus. By hitting Mr. Cactus, the player is sent to the far right side of the board, directly underneath the path that Boo lurks. By using a Reverse Mushroom after hitting the cactus, it is INTENSELY easy to hit Boo twice in a single turn, bouncing off of the Skeleton Key gate. OR you could simply open the Skeleton Key gate from the top, get Boo, and pop a reverse the next turn, triple dipping so easily that it should be criminal. This is only further intensified by the amount of Reverse Mushrooms you can carry, which is made EVEN EASIER because there is an item shop RIGHT IN FRONT of Mr. Cactus. This game can turn into absolute degeneracy with Boo getting more work in this one board than in the entirety of Luigi's Mansion, and that's... not really the MOST fun position to be in, but usually players will let up before it becomes too bad. The only major issue are those sand traps - due to the strength of the Magic Lamp, Skeleton Key, and Reverse Mushroom, it's unlikely that players will invest in the usual movement items. It's VERY possible to have an utterly miserable game, sitting in the sand trap and praying for a high roll, duels happening twice a turn in the Last 5 and slowing the game state to a crawl. There are some really solid things that can be done with this map... but they're a bit overcentralized and most players are going to aim for the same strategy. It's a strong board, but an inflexible one. Practicing Mini-Games
I personally think that, after you establish a basic familiarity with video games, this should be turned off, along with mini-game explanations. It just saves time and watching people flounder like it's WarioWare is funny. However, I do admit it's very necessary for newer players and the 'board game' audience Mario Party wants to attract. Players need to feel comfortable, and some people playing Mario Party might not even feel comfortable with their controllers, much less how to control their character. Practice allows a risk-free environment to get used to the control schemes of Mario Party (of which there are often just, like, eight per game and then variations therein). Do I think it slows the game to a crawl? Absolutely. But it's a nice concession to have.
Faster Than All (MP1)
I love fiddles. This is just a fun, high-octane sprint song, really love it. I remember specifically setting this song to play on one of the random MUGEN stages.I had back in the day, I think related to Cheese Land from Mario Kart: Super Circuit? Simple, but clean. Yeehaw.
Platform Peril
Honestly, it's one of the weaker platforming games in the series. The perspective is somewhat necessary in order to properly illustrate depth, but awkward to control as you move in a slight diagonal slant. The consistency of the platforming also makes it less a test of reaction and more "how well can you rhythmically hop and short hop", with the players at the far sides often getting screwed by the moving platforms in 2 moreso than the players in the center getting stopped by the weird pyramid things. There's no particularly strong fluidity to it... but it is platforming. The basis isn't bad, the execution is just uninspired.
Mushroom
The quick and easy. Mushrooms are greatly underestimated by beginner players wanting to hold onto their coins. They are very wrong. Mushrooms offer a 10% chance at a total refund at their most expensive, with a slightly lower chance of getting Double 7’s and getting 20 free coins. They are utterly invaluable on boards like Pirate Land, Space Land, and Spiny Desert, where getting past specific board features for cheap is an absolute godsend. Do they have the potential to blow up in your face and only move you 3 spaces? Sure, but you’d have those crappy turns anyway without it. The Mushroom is more strictly an early game item, as when the Golden Mushroom becomes both more accessible and more affordable, the Mushroom’s cheapness stops being a strong advantage. But it has its uses as an early-game item and is occasionally invaluable at pressing the advantage.
Hammer Bro
I kind of love the necessary existence of Hammer Bro in Mario Party. They made Koopa Troopa a buddy for Mario, but needed some character to be antagonistic. Thus, Hammer Bro exists in the first three Mario Parties for the sole purpose of being “asshole Koopa Troopa”. It’s amazing that the debut of the hardest enemy in Mario 1 in 3D, AND the only appearance of Hammer Bro on the N64 other than as a late-game enemy in Paper Mario, is in the Mario Party series. And instead of a regular Koopa, he’s this weird, angry, beaked monstrosity. And it’s not like Hammer Bro didn’t have Mario RPG to fall back on for a cleaner, ‘modern’ design - for some reason he’s just a really angry bird-aviator man. I also really love how in Mario Party 5, his Capsule is just “come down, gank you, do a chicken dance, leave”. No fanfare, no mocking, just business.
Why, then, does he suck so much as a playable character? Hammer Bros had tons of personality in their first playable appearance in Mario Superstar Baseball, kind of a breakdancing and flipping all over himself vibe reminiscent of him jumping all over the place in Mario 1 and Mario 3. And then he’s just… kinda toned down. He does poses with his hammer and junk and… that’s about it. He’s also got this wannabe rapper vibe to him where he says “yo” in a high-pitched voice like an 11-year old playing Halo 2 on their dad’s Xbox Live. His dice block is kind of… bad? Like mostly focusing on 5’s is fine, but then he’s got an uneven spread of 1’s and + coins that makes handling with him not as consistent as Daisy or Shy Guy, but not as rewarding as Boo. Hammer Bro is the weird case where making him playable made him SIGNIFICANTLY less interesting - he doesn’t even get “oh neat, a weird character to play!” points because Blooper just utterly outclasses him in that regard, as does Monty Mole. He managed to somehow endure past Birdo but also be less interesting than her, which is quite the feat in futility. He’s lucky he has earlier appearances, because… yikes.
Locked Out (MP3)
This is a very fun battle game for one reason and one reason alone: sandbagging one specific player with the most to lose. In most battle games, either players act independently of one another, a sandbagged player can at least guarantee they’ll take a target player out with them, or it’s Grab Bag or Hot Bob-omb and it’s too chaotic to ensure that strategy will last compared to survival instinct. Locked Out is different, though - single-elimination, freeform ‘standard’ character control, the only goal being to get a key to unlock a door with there being one less key than the number of players. The ability to bully one player is FIERCE. I mean past that, it’s luck with spawns and then reading your opponent’s input, but this is always a frenzy and there is ALWAYS the chance to utterly RUIN someone’s day. And I, for one, am all for that.
Steamer
Honestly until this year, I thought this year his name was "Chuffy", like the train from Banjo-Tooie. I liked that reality better. Steamer is a great design that is, unfortunately, horribly underpowered. As gone over in previous write-ups, his function in Western Land only really works on the happening spaces - paying him is just too unreliable based on the Toad/Goomba dice. He's also featured in End of the Line, one of the worst mini-games, so that's cool. And in Super Duel Mode he's a body for mechs, which is cool, except his handling is horrible because of course it is, he's a train. A shame, because his Mario Party DS mini-game is actually really fun as a more intense version of Hide and Sneak, but he's a great design saddled with awful implementation.
Piranha's Pursuit (MP1)
It's very difficult to balance this mini-game, but it all depends on the 1 player screwing up once. There are neat little tricks to this game - swinging on the vines that look like background elements, for instance - but it's another 1v3 game that really is style over substance. It's not a near-guaranteed win like some of the others, and there is limited 3-player influence, but this is a glorified 1-player mini-game with greater risks to all players. It looks cool, though!
Last Five Turns Event
Something that absolutely has a huge range of effectiveness depending on the game. First of all - any Last Five Turns Event that has a roulette with doubled Red/Blue spaces is awful. That should be the STANDARD for Last Five Turns, not the extra spicy thing to shake things up. Every time that option gets landed on, it is an absolute disappointment. Other than that... generally I love the Last Five Turns event. Some of the events that have been come up with are brutally fun - stars being free, every red space is a Bowser space, every red space is a Chance Time space - but then there are some like "40 coins go to last place, buy something nice" that are just... boring. The event itself is strong with a huge potential shake up, but it needs both an advantage to be pressed and a generic 'fun' state for the board. I really like how Mario Party 8 handles it, where the player in last gets an advantage BUT every space ends up getting covered in coins, making board traversal a mad scramble in between carefully-laid plans and GRAB THE COINS. It's a good event with a rocky history of ups and downs, but it's always something to look forward to.
Skateboard Scamper
Despite really loving the Mario Party 1 aesthetic for this game, the Mario Party 2 version's got it beat pretty handily. Slopes add so much to this game, and feeling out when the best time to jump to increase momentum and avoid skating uphill is a great little twist. Most feel that the game is random by the time it gets to the end, but it's actually determined by who mashes the quickest after all obstacles have been cleared, the previous bit essentially being "survival" to see who gets a slight advantage at the ending button thumping. Thus, the game creates a really careful balance between mashing too hard to tire yourself out and keeping momentum to maintain a lead. Plus there are coin bags along the way that are easy gets, and everyone benefitting for a healthier economy is always a good thing. It's definitely one of the classics for a reason.
Bash 'n' Cash (MP1)
This is a horrible, unbalanced, no-good game where you bully a single player into submission for no good reason besides that the game told you to... and it's so much fun because of that. In no other mini-game is a single player so thoroughly, expertly screwed, even in utterly hopeless 1v3's, and yet here we are. This is actually a pretty comfortable balancing act - most Mario Party 1 1v3's are VERY much in favor of the single player, with games like Pipe Maze, Crane Game, Bowl Over, and especially Coin Shower Flower basically being 1-player games where the single player gets to absolutely rake it in... and then this game shows up as the great equalizer. You can desperately try to negotiate that one of the three NOT try to beat you up, normally to no avail as smacking a character in a dumb mascot costume is just too much fun. And, of course, there's the delight of Bowser's Bash 'n' Cash, where if the solo player goes without taking a single hit, Bowser will just steal money from them anyway. Thus, they're put into the position where they want to get hit exactly once, then flee. Movement options are varied enough yet restrictive enough to make everyone feel slightly uncomfortable with the controls... just a miserable time where everyone gets upset at everyone else for taking the money they worked so hard to whack out of their friend and one person cries. Delightfully mean, and whilst I understand why it NEVER came back, it's one of those games that makes Mario Party 1 its own, unique, oddly cruel beast.
Wacky Watch (MP3)
https://i.imgur.com/3oc8QIq.png
The most powerful item in all of Mario Party? Perhaps not quite to the level of flexibility of the Reverse Mushroom, but certainly the most fun item in all of Mario Party. The Wacky Watch changes the state of the game where the next turn will be the beginning Last Five Turns. This not only includes advancing the game state forward to skip up to 43 turns of Party, but this also INCLUDES during the last five turns, REWINDING the clock to do the Last Five Turns event again and play out a few more rounds. Absolutely nothing commands more respect that this item, but considering its incredible rarity, it's not much of a surprise. The Wacky Watch can only be obtained either from Toad appearing on an Item Space and responding to him with a medium response (where he'll usually give you a single item instead and even if he rolls 'rare item' it's a 1-in-4 chance to get the watch), as a very rare drop from a Hidden Block containing an item, OR as an exceptionally rare pull from Baby Bowser's Item Bag. The game ceases to be about proper strategy once the watch is in play - EVERYTHING turns into damage control for whenever the lucky player decides to use it, or otherwise trying to Plunder Chest it away to get that incredible advantage. If it were any more common, it would definitely overstay its welcome. But it's a rare item that I'm really disappointed hasn't returned in any other Mario Party installment - sure would be more impactful than the Bowser Suit in 4.
Team Names (MP5 & MP6)
This is probably the strongest identity-building thing in the Mario Party series other than MP2's costumes and the character dice blocks. Just little names like these add so much personality to these characters' relationships that goes unexplored. In general, Waluigi's got some absolute great ones with the Princesses in Awkward Date and Anti-Couple, and I love the Toadette/Luigi team of "Forgotten Force". However, my absolute favorite has to go to the team of Wario/Koopa Kid - the Bad Baddies. It's just... so bafflingly, hilariously lazy that I desperately want to root for them. If there were baseball tees made of these teams, sign me up for team Bad Baddies, because I might just buy one of those. The worst are... honestly probably some of Toad's. Just no creativity. "Best Buds, Good Pals, Royal Pals, Cute Buddies" - no real investment other than propagating the lie that Toad is shaped like a friend. "Mushroom Stinkers" is probably the worst of these, just doesn't sound right phonetically and it's another "haha Wario you smelly" example, which I'm never a fan of compared to just going "haha Wario you are a greedy sociopath".
Yoshi’s Tropcial Island (MP1)
Probably the most fun board theme out of any Mario Party title. The melody is so strong and so quickly pops into your head, and the song just feels like it has a lot more punch to it. Definitely either it or Space Land stand out the most in that regard. As for the board itself… I actually rather like it. There’s only one stretch of spaces on the entire board that doesn’t run the risk of a player landing on a Happening Space (and even then, they could roll high and land on a Mushroom Space, roll again, and THEN land on a Happening), and the gimmick of Toad and Bowser changing sides every time any player lands on one ends up INCREDIBLY aggressive. While you can still go star hunting and swap islands, the Thwomp bridges make that very difficult if a player decides to up the toll, and given how every pass of the board is going to result in a coin less, makes maintaining your coins frustratingly difficult. I like the dichotomy Koopa Troopa and Boo have going on this board, too - Boo is limited to randomly stealing between 1 and 15 coins in this game, while Koopa is always a +10, with +20 being very possible if two or more players decide to stick on his island. Due to the Toad/Bowser check being right before Boo, a player is going to need around 70 coins minimum in order to steal a star proper (or over 50 while saying NO to Toad, which is undesirable but possible). This makes farming the far more reliable Koopa Troopa a potential strategy, using the amassed wealth and guaranteed boost after seeing Bowser or Toad in order to gain the Coin Star and pass over when the money is plentiful and Boo looks appetizing. For a board without much choice and mercy, there’s a good deal of strategizing that can go into when you cross over, especially if not going in Lite Play and the Thwomp prices can absolutely skyrocket. It’s a chaotic time, but it’s always a fun one, exemplifying the cruelest aspects of Mario Party 1 without making it a slog to play. Also Bowser fat shames you here. He’s funny.
Bowser Toss (MP3)
I am physically incapable of playing this game well. If ANY game warranted control stick spinning, it would be this one. Instead, it’s a weird mixture of endurance button mashing and lining up an angle, which only really comes from trial and error. Unlike other “learn it” games, I’m less of a fan of this one, as performing both tasks tends to leave your attention divided so as to prevent you from learning the proper arc. Or I could just be bad at it and dislike it because I’m bad. Probably among the worst things in the series with “Bowser” in its name.
Shroom City (MPA)
Do you ever have a game that you know is bad, Hell it doesn’t even really do anything that remarkable, but you like playing it anyway? Maybe it’s just a good way to pass the time, maybe it does little things and have little character moments, maybe it’s just got some good animations or pretty colors sometimes, maybe you keep putting money into it in order to get sexy jpgs, but it brings you comfort in spite of its lack of quality. For me, that game… is Yu-Gi-Oh: The Falsebound Kingdom, without a doubt. But Shroom City in Mario Party Advance is probably up there, too. There’s no real meat to this mode, you just… kinda go back and forth between Mario characters, doing fetch quests and occasionally doing mini-games, with the only pressure on you being a limited dice roll counter that you can only occasionally supplement. Along the way, Bowser… exists and challenges you to various things, revealing that he is basically Brutus from Popeye and is really good at everything, but SLIGHTLY worse than you at everything. Is it impressive? No. Is it even that fun? Not really. But it is comforting. Sometimes, a game can just be played for its own sake, and this is definitely one of those times. Game’s totally over when you beat it, though. Lol most of these mini-games. Broom Zoom’s okay though.
Bonus Stars
If Mario Party did not have these, it would be a significantly worse game. If you play with 'No Bonus' on, you have a highly single-minded goal: collect star and neglect health. Everything else is secondary to getting a Golden Mushroom or Magic Lamp and nabbing the star. Saving for Boo? That's a 50 coin investment that could be better spent with the 40 or 30 coin investment that is Golden Mushroom into Star, plus the mushroom giving you a likely positional advantage post-star. Bonus Stars serve the incredibly important purpose of making players want to improve at mini-games so that they can be rewarded for good play, amassing coins rather than taking the quickest and most direct path, thus allowing for far deeper item strategy than "use the big ones as quick as possible" AND encouraging more coins so that Boo is deadly, and landing on Happening Spaces, perhaps off the beaten path, in order to secure an alternate victory condition. I will say that I do greatly prefer the Coin Star to the Orb Star introduced in 6 - using movement orbs is a very easy way to get and use more orbs, and that snowballs a bit too much for my liking. Some would argue that the Coin Star and Mini-Game Star are an obvious pair, but I disagree - the one with the lead for Mini-Game Star is very likely to be the one buying early stars, which means it's incredibly viable for the other players to save their coins for steals. And I'm just... not a fan of the randomized bonus stars starting with 7. Playing for a POSSIBLE condition rather than a definite one really does put a damper on things. However, these are some of the most fun, flexible, and "safe" stars to collect, and open up so much strategy. Love 'em.
Default 10-Turns (SMP)
Well, considering the glut of text boxes, animations, and unnecessary tutorials, it still takes about the same amount of time as a classic 20 turn game! With that said... these are much smaller boards designed more carefully around the turn limit. Going higher than 10 reveals just how easily you can break these boards over your knee (Whomp and Bob-omb are SUPER abusable especially by farming their good shops), so it's... balanced, I guess? Is it less interesting? Yeah, but it more disguises the faults of a bad game than it is a strict downgrade.
Deep Bloober Sea (MP3)
Probably the worst of Mario Party 3's boards. The first major junction of the board is 19 spaces away, and whilst it does have a far greater variety of interactables than Shy Guy's Jungle Jam (a bank, battle space, Bowser space, and an Item Shop), it does ensure a rather slow start. However, the issue with its board comes from traversal - simultaneously being too easy and too difficult. The first junction is a retread of the Peach's Birthday Cake gimmick, letting you pick between one of two paths and having a 1/4th chance of actually going where you want. However, this is then compounded by the Happening Spaces around the center, which swap you from one half of the board to the other. This makes it INCREDIBLY frustrating to have consistent movement in this board, especially because the top half of the board is SIGNIFICANTLY more interesting than the bottom, AND the bottom already has a loop around its starting area. Unless specifically targeting a star spawn, being in the bottom half of the board sucks, and the combination of the Sushi checkpoint and the Happening Spaces make otherwise reliable strategies like Mushrooms a no-go, as well as make Warp Blocks less valuable as everyone has pretty much an equal chance of being screwed and locked into the bottom half. However, you then run into the problem of the Happening Spaces on the top left. I am all for lining up a row of Happening Spaces so that you can abuse a Poison Mushroom to get a few and grind out the Happening Star. But this is a row of SIX Happening Spaces. That is a guaranteed 2 Happenings with a Poison giving you its highest roll, and very potentially more. This WOULD be balanced by the gimmick of the angler fish - sending you randomly to one of the three corners of the board - except the top right is SIGNIFICANTLY better than the other options because not only does it land you directly in front of Boo, but also right in front of the angler fish to do it AGAIN. AND you can mash out of the angler fish's suction to avoid being sent ANYWHERE if you get an unfavorable result. There is strategy to it, but it's intensely overcentralizing - not farming that section is forfeiting the Happening Star AND being vulnerable to Boo, whilst having no strong advantages other than the ability to visit shops. I am all for seeing Boo and comboing a coin steal into a Star Steal, but this isn't so much a combo as it is grinding, whilst also being luck if you can get to the top to start with! There is strategy involved, but it's a map that starts boring, has a center filled with luck, and ends with a repetitive, abusable strategy. The best boards allow for on-the-fly adaptation, constantly shifting positions, and being able to screw opponents - Waluigi's Island and Bowser Land have severe risks attached to their swaths of ? Spaces, for instance. Bloober Sea does not, and I've never had a particularly fun game on it that didn't involve a Wacky Watch.
Ice Hockey (MP5)
It's fine. I mean, it's Ice Hockey. But unlike Volleyball, I wouldn't really call it an improvement over the NES original it's based off of. Of the bonus games offered in MP5, this one's probably the simplest and least interesting. No particular frills to it or differences in character, it's... just Ice Hockey in its basic form. Functional, but unimpressive. And with that obnoxious Panic Pinball theme going on for three minutes.
Sluggish/Slow Shroom Orb (MP6 & 7)
Whilst not quite as powerful as the Reverse Mushroom, the Slow 'Shroom Orb is probably among the most brutal in Mario Party. Causing the dice to move so slowly that you basically get to pick your number allows for an utterly insane amount of control. It does, however, compliment the board design of Mario Party 6 and Mario Party 7 more nicely. As a contrast to most previous games, Happening Spaces are usually only single spaces tied to very powerful, game-changing events. The Sluggish Shroom is meant to target these (or Chance Time spaces) specifically, instead of the sheer power of using a Mushroom for mobility. These include E. Gadd tossing a TON of orbs on the board for you, changing the boats in Castaway Bay, a star-wagering game, chances to win a Star from a juggling Blooper, tons of unique coin-gaining opportunities in 7 - the Sluggish 'Shroom is a guaranteed playmaker. It would've been busted in games not designed around its inclusion, but I think the less timing-based Chance Times and the distribution of Happening Spaces in 6 and 7 make it insanely powerful, but not to the point of invalidating every other movement option. Plus the moment someone screws up the timing, they will get shit for it forever, and that's just a great feeling.
Crane Game
Honestly, I'm a far bigger fan of the aesthetics than the game itself. Seeing the Mario cast turned into terrifying doll versions of themselves, able to do little but struggle against the claw and accept their inevitable demise is kind of great. DK has a chunky ass that's basically a giant cube, brilliant. My issue more comes from it being... not all that fun? I understand the intent - emulate a crane game and have a timer active to put on pressure. However, in MP1, it is almost always in the 1 player's interest to just get the chest unless you absolutely NEED to deny someone the mini-game star. Already, it is impossible for the 3 players to gain any coin amount greater than zero, and they can just watch as the 1 player gets a mini-game win for absolutely free (unless they forget to mash when picking up the chest). Trying to grab onto the far more awkward and oblong characters to steal one third of their coins is FAR more risky, since mashing favors the doll unless you get RIGHT in their center, which is only doable for certain configurations. 2 fixes this somewhat by making you NEED to snatch all three dolls and if they out-mash the crane, they get money. However… I really don’t like the addition of the clocks for more time. Everyone gets them anyway, and it just serves to prolong the game as they have VERY generous grab boxes, and can even be grabbed poorly as long as the 1 player’s mash game is decent… which they need to grab the 3 players anyway. The game just tends to go on forever. But it does have the funny meme music, and I like that.
Taunts
I am sure that someone has died because of these before. Honestly, I’m all for them. Yeah there are some that are just ‘nothing’ like Yoshi noises or DK grunts, but you have some amazing ones mixed in there like Waluigi’s “You’re Lousy!” in the 6 and Mario’s incredible “Hey Stinky!” in 7. So much personality can be added… to solely the human characters through this. And if you overdo it, you actively cause everyone in the room to hate you and target you! But there’s nothing better than a perfectly-timed “you’re lousy!” after someone fails a board event.
Battle T
He's supposed to be, like, the sporty, buff Toad, but he covers up his chest in shame, unlike OG brave Toad who bares his chest with pride and strength. Also this loser doesn't even try to have a pun name like Fies T or Sprin T or Tess T, nope, just Battle T, when he doesn't even host Battle games. Low-tier Toad, and the bar isn't even that high.
Mt Mariomore (MP3)
It's a really cool visual shorthand to prove that you have absolutely no life and beat Mario Party 3's story mode multiple times. The fact that your friends can check just how badly you did with each character also really rubs salt into that wound. For my money, this is a rock with only DK and Luigi's faces on it, and it is better for it. However, it's a really nice display of status in the same way that alternate title screens for games like Mario Kart 64 and Pokemon Stadium are, just leaving a bit less of an impression than that. I prefer the Mario Party 1 system, where whichever character won the last board gets their personal artwork on the title screen - now that sent a MESSAGE.
Granite Getaway (MP6)
It's a really neat concept, but one that really coulda done with four player splitscreen and just making it an easy Crash Bandicoot 'run from the boulder' level instead of the huge nothing it is. Max distance from the boulder is reached so easily that recovering from a mistake isn't a big deal, and it's a "group survival" game instead of a "first to the finish wins" game due to that. It also syncs really poorly with the music and cuts the song off at the end for some reason. There's no instant elimination points, no ways to make up ground other than being a cool guy and jumping down stairs, not even a remotely threatening bottomless pit unless you feel like jumping into the abyss at the OSHA-compliant bridge section. It's just an absolute nothing of a game that goes on for two minutes every time and you'd have to be blindfolded to fail.
Bob-Omb X-Ing (MP4)
Just a fun game that wouldn't work anywhere but da Extra Room. As a regular mini-game, funneling the bob-ombs to chase after four separate characters while leaving them all room to move around would be a logistical nightmare. But as a single-player survival game, it's a Hell of a lot of fun. The slow change from "the bob-ombs are just casually crossing" to "you are being hunted by living bombs that are SPRINTING after you" keeps it from being a pattern-based formality, but the little stall they do before exploding keeps things fair, making sure that if you back yourself into a corner and run into an explosion, it's YOUR fault. I love the little titles you get from Whomp and Thwomp, too - they're not much, but seeing just how far you pushed yourself is really fun. Just a fun little diversion that's worth going back to.
50-Turn Games
A 50-turn game of Mario Party is often painted as this horrible, nightmarish thing. Dear god, 3 hours or more playing a SINGLE video game where only one player can possibly win and chance can ruin everything? Who could POSSIBLY subject themselves to such torment? Uh... any person who plays even a medium-form board game, really? Are 50-turn Mario Party games a test of endurance? Absolutely, except in Mario Party 1 where it feels like a 35-turn game. But the amount of bullshit that can spiral out of control is incredible. Everyone will get enough coins to get Boo, so leads can be kept in check. Alliances are easy to form mid-game, with favors being done and expected to be returned. All the weird stuff you can do on boards, like messing with 6 through 8's Happening Spaces or getting the weird interactions on Bowser Land or someone farming that chaos space island on Waluigi's Island can all happen. Do I think that this is the optimal way to play Mario Party? No, 35 turns is called "Standard Play" for a reason and I think, at least for the first three games, it's the best way to get the most out of board play. But if you have the right people, the right board, and the right frame of mind? These are an absolute blast. Plus they're incredibly fun to both stream and watch on-stream - getting as many people invested as possible just makes for some damn good content.
Stacked Deck (MP3)
Merry-Go-Chomp is Bowser's Big Blast without soul. Stacked Deck is Bowser's Big Blast without soul, heart, or style. There's no real way to react to the cards that get shuffled around the deck, so it's just a very lengthy process of ground pounding cards and watching your odds get worse and worse with every passing hip drop that doesn't kill someone. Does this have the trappings of a good game? Yeah, of course, it's a luck-based battle game, potential to be super high risk, gives you the illusion of choice, of course there's some positives. But in a game FILLED with luck-based mini-games, this one's the absolute weakest, including the one that's literally just a series of coin flips. You just pick from identical targets with no real justification or meta mind game, and don't even get any sense of relief because Boo exists to shake things up. The intent is here, but the tension's gone.
Neon Heights (MP7)
I can see opinions of this board going either way. There are coin-gathering mini-games on it that take a while and have the potential for a 0 coin gain (especially if someone's too trigger-happy on the western one), the Happening Space with the rocket is basically reliant on and designed for team games only, and it's got one of the easiest to hit Bowser Spaces, slapped on the required path right after the item shop. This is to say nothing of the star gimmick, where you pay 10 coins for a chance at either 20 coins, a star, or a one-way ticket to start. Kamek's Library would take this gimmick and become one of the worst boards in the entire series. You could absolutely hate this board and I'd totally understand.
... but damn I find it so much fun. The board's junctions all really nicely facilitate the "mystery box" gimmick, mostly being splits that give you a longer loop back to the main path for the potential chance to hit more chests. The board games also help supplement the almost constant cash flow that this board facilitates, as hitting Bowser's fairly frequent and trips to the Orb shop are as well. The Bowser Events for this board are probably some of the strongest and most hilarious in the series as well, with the most devastating being replacing the "return to start" Bob-omb with a star-stealing Ztar or just outright taking a Star from the guy in first place and stuffing it in a chest, making that one a DOUBLE star chest. This REALLY helps balance the lack of Boo on 7's boards, as being in first until the Last Five Turns means you're rolling the dice against Bowser and might need more movement options than you think in order to recover. It's chaotic, lengthy, and not always fair, but it's fun and plays with an important facet of Mario Party: mitigating risk. Oh, and the theming is aces. Probably the only Gamecube board I could confidently hum the music of back to you except POTENTIALLY Toad's Midway Madness, and with much better set dressing than Midway to boot.
Red Star
This is probably the most succinct way to put in the "bad luck star". Unfortunately, it only seems to count actual Red Spaces, not Bowser Spaces. The latter would've been more interesting, as Bowser Spaces are potential game changers, and taking that risk for investment in a Bonus Star would've made for an interesting dynamic... in a Mario Party game pre-7. Unfortunately, ol' Bowzy is regulated to just playing mini-games when landing on his space in 7, the Koopa Kid space taking the spot of "weird board events". Additionally, it's a random bonus star, so you can't really aim for it - it's just something that'll happen to appear at the end and if you were unlucky, there you go. At best, it MIGHT get you to intentionally take a Red or two just in case. There's potential here, and I'm fine with its existence, but it doesn't really capitalize on any of it.
Motion Controls
I don't hate motion controls as a concept. Is it less precise than a button? Yeah, but it's about as dodgy as the N64 control stick is uncomfortable. It's not like bad waggle detection is any worse than trying to control Bob-omb Barrage or Cast Aways on original hardware. The problem isn't bad controls - it's lazy minigames using them. Mario Party 8 came out early enough in the Wii's life cycle that the simple act of "doing motion" was a big enough sell to be appealing. So we get wonderful stuff like "click the panels", "jerk off the soda can", "flip the chimp", "steer the leaf", and "do basic carpentry". Due to the imprecision and novelty, it invites laziness in mini-games, and that kinda almost singlehandedly ruins Mario Party 8. They're inoffensive in 9 and 10, Hell the Bowser ones that use the gyro on the gamepad are fairly good. But they are SUCH an obvious culprit for "casual-ifying" the obviously super hardcore party game, and do more damage than their potential advantages could bring.
Bumper Balloon Cars (MP2)
No one knows how to control this and everyone flounders until someone wins. Honestly, the controls and getting used to them is the hardest and most interesting thing about it. Yeah, it's almost exactly like controlling a remote-control tank, needing to rotate the treads in order to get at an angle to charge forward, but then you have the really weird fact that if you're rammed into and not moving, your car does a total 180, and THAT catches people totally by surprise. It's a high-risk game that is WAY too stressful for as dumb as it is, and people are often left grumbling because of just how awkward it is to control, but it IS totally fair. It's not its fault that people are bad at it. I do wish it had two hit points, though - always seems to end in seconds with random bumps into each other.
DK's Treetop Temple (MP8)
Honestly better representation than Donkey Kong has ever gotten in Smash. You got the ruins in there, you got the big guy's grinning mug, you got girders and barrels, you got Barrel Cannons, you even got the Donkey Kong Junior vines and Funky Kong-patented weird barrel technology in the barrel elevators. The map suffers a bit from Grand Canal Syndrome, where it is clearly the "base" map while all of the other boards get to be super zany gimmicks, but it's got a decent amount of variance to it. Barrel Cannons represent a pretty fun controlled risk, DK Spaces are arranged in a way where two of them are quite easy to land on by choice out of junctions, acting as a free magic lamp. However, I'm not that big of.a fan of Bowser's reverse function - the board isn't all that large as-is at a mere 65 spaces, and Bowser moving the star away is a slight annoyance at best, and actively advantageous to a player at worst. I like my Bowser Spaces with teeth, and considering that he has a similar function in Shy Guy's Perplex Express, it would've been a neat, truly damaging time to bust out the Ztar instead. But overall, Treetop Temple is absolutely fine - it's not exceptional in anything it wants to be other than really nicely referencing the DK series without putting in actual DK characters, but it's not trying to be. Sometimes something 'good' can merely be 'good'.
Peach
YEAH! PEACHY'S GOT IT! If you're looking for someone begging to disrupt plays, Peach is absolutely your girl. Her signature item's always been the Plunder Chest, and it's always been an absolute pain to play around. This gives Peach the most aggressive playstyle in the game next to DK, as she's just actively hounding other players for items and waiting for them to mess up. And girl's got attitude in the N64 games, too! Sure she's got a hideous trapezoid attached to an Astro Boy haircut that she presents to pass off as golden locks, but she'll fight with the best of them and has absolutely killer fashion sense. Her one weakness is having Toad as her partner in Duel Mode . Toad is the defensive option for cowards - essentially a safety net for when you're confident with your offense but in bad enough shape financially to not want to run into your opponent's cash traps. He's a perfect partner for a hyper-offense in the front... but only in the later stages of a duel game. Starting with him doesn't do Peach the favors of, say, Waluigi's hyper-expensive Piranha Plant, who can end a game with two lucky rolls at any time. She's not OBVIOUSLY bad like Wario and DK are, she just has a guaranteed slow and shaky start.
Mario Party 4 "normalized" a lot of the original cast, so to speak, putting them into the very familiar molds and personalities that would define them going forward. And Peach... has the same appeal she's always had. Peach is a character that ALWAYS feels bad to lose to; her serenity is played up to the absolute maximum, making her appear callous and mocking every time she gets an advantage. She's also got the hyper-annoying "booooo" taunt, which is the PERFECT taunt for getting under a player's skin as it just feels so needlessly uppity and half-assed. Peach isn't for players looking for 'girl power', she is for the most cruel of souls, looking to rub wins into others' faces, or to win with a silent and coy smile.
And, of course, she gets busted presents whenever possible from here. The Flower Orb is the absolute strongest of MP7's customs, as gone over in the Daisy write-up. If playing on a team, there is absolutely no reason to not have Peach or Daisy as a teammate - that's just free and easy money. Her dice block in Super I don't love as much as others, but the "no odd numbers" strategy works surprisingly well, given that positive effect spaces often have a single space in between them in an attempt to "balance". Peach is a slow, low roller, but she's one with a plan who can often take advantage of board layouts in a highly unique way.
Peach is an absolute staple. She's not one I'm particularly fond of, but nothing would feel right without her, and she's established herself as part of the Mario Party identity. Simply by being Peach, she can elicit such strong salt out of players that her presence absolutely cannot be ignored. Long may she reign.
Bowser In Story Mode (MP3)
Bowser’s a giver, truly. The man works as hard as he can to be the biggest and baddest in the business, only to sign up for a comedy role in order to put over the new stars in Daisy and Waluigi like no others. I do wish we got a proper Bowser battle in this game - Bowser in Duel Mode cheating to win as an actual “boss fight” for that mode might have actually redeemed it somewhat. But still, the best moments of character in the game belong to Bowser, be it losing in a fist fight to Waluigi or being Team Rocket’d in a single slap by Daisy. It’s not my preferred role, I think Bowser works with equal parts menace and comedy and he is VERY comedically oriented in this game, but he’s fun. It’s Bowser, how could he not be?
Super Mario Party
This game was so close to being amazing. Taking the Toad Scramble mode from Star Rush and evolving it into not only an improved team mode, but applying it to the base Mario Party gameplay? Really smart. Expanding the character roster again to match the various dice blocks? Again, really smart. GOOMBA RIDING A TRICYCLE, AMAZING. I don’t even mind certain characters being imbalanced, this was some of the strongest mini-games in a long time paired with a revitalized main mode and they put Dry Bones back in and let Diddy play finally. And then they… threw all of it away.
There is one good board in Super Mario Party that isn’t immediately destroyed with basic item management skills. ALL of the rest are camp-fests until you get a great item. The partner system essentially ruins character-specific dice, as adding either a +1 or +2 to a roll ruins the consistency certain characters have going for them, favoring any character who can simply roll big with even slight consistency (i.e. not Koopa). There is no online multiplayer for board play - it didn’t even have to be good! Hell, FORTUNE STREET has online board play, and that game takes almost a MINIMUM of two hours to finish, being very generous! There is no excuse for this, as even bad online (and Nintendo would do bad online, of course) would be acceptable. But no, throw that support into RIVER RAIDERS or whatever, THAT’LL keep ‘em coming back. Only four main boards, no DLC boards in an age where DLC could be crapped out so easily and this made a near evergreen game. Support for this title just evaporated as soon as it came out in spite of its fantastic sales. There is a LOT of good in here, probably could’ve been the best Mario Party if you unpacked a lot of the good. It’s even fun to play the boards like they’re meant to be played, unlike the half-and-half struggles of 4 and 8 where one part of the mini-game-to-board spectrum is significantly superior to the other. There is SO MUCH good in here that… honestly will just get passed over and forgotten. I can’t see myself returning to this one during parties, not when other, better installments of the series exist. It has its own identity… but it’s not enough.
Controlling Your Character On The Minigame Info Screen
If you’re playing Bowl Over, at least in MP1, your perspective isn’t locked on the character, but the shell. So when you throw it, you control the shell left and right as the character sloooooowly disappears into the distance, eventually just popping out of existence. Having Yoshi choose non-existence is pretty hilarious. I mean it’s fine otherwise, good quality of life thing that Super Mario Party improved on by letting you just quickly play a sample of the game. Making characters do silly things with their models is always fun. But that example… that one’s something special.
Toad’s Rec Room (SMP)
Psh, yeah, like I have friends who own Switches, live near me, and I can convince to play Super Mario Party over Smash, Mario Kart, or my own, boundless enthusiasm for Crash Team Racing, and THEN play the weird side mode that they specifically had to bring their Switch over in order to play. I’m a man who wrote a college essay’s worth of words about the merits of Bowser in Mario Party, I don’t have that kind of social ability. I do like that they brought back Shell Shocked and gave it a new coat of paint, but I can’t fairly rate this one due to lack of experience. But man, what a weird gimmick for the Switch, just linking up consoles to make one weird, top-down block party screen. Seems super limited and gimmicky, and based on the lack of releases using it past this… yeah kinda is, I guess!
Amiibo Party (MP10)
The idea was honestly cute, as discussed in the "custom amiibo party boards" write-up: buy a bunch of toys and unlock a bunch of maps that you can then mix and match into a weird chimera of your favorite gimmicks. In theory, it's really cool. In practice, everyone was so starved for traditional Mario Party at this point that we were willing to take anything. Nintendo had a really neat idea where you have to dunk your amiibo onto the touchpoint in order to roll the dice - used that for animal crossing, too. And by "neat", I mean "what the Hell is wrong with a button press?" I don't understand why this level of 'immersion' is necessary for a digital board game; everyone's focus should be on the TV, not the GamePad "board" in front of them. Dice blocks were taken down to a d6, zero junctions make it just rolling the dice and occasionally being good at mini-games - it's the luck-fest that everyone who decries Mario Party says the series as a whole is. The aesthetic of everything as toys is neat, I like that there's an actual remix of a Wario Land song in there, there's a cute Dry Bones on a bouncy Bullet Bill on Bowser's board and he's precious, and the mini-games are overall alright. But this has slightly LESS complexity and thought than Duel Mode, in spite of much better trappings.
Hot Rope Jump (MP2)
I'm actually quite the fan of this one, a big upgrade from the original. Whilst you lose the hilarity of "Luigi LOSES", which always feels cathartic to see, you gain a whole lot more. The rope is a LOT trickier in 2, not having an obvious and consistent pattern and being very based on reaction. I love that you have both a short and high jump that you can master with better timing, and the slight amount of recovery frames your character has after jumping often being the cause of death. The jump rope is exceptional at the basic form of conditioning - getting a player used to a pattern and coming to expect that pattern naturally. The speed up also naturally preys on fear, so you WANT to keep jumping quickly because it feels safe, and then the slow roll comes in and you get toasted. And, whilst I'm generally not a fan of Mini-Game Coaster because I don't think some of the games lend themselves to its format very well (and I am physically incapable of beating Mecha Marathon), having Hot Rope Jump being a required "do all 50 jumps" is a GREAT test of the player's skill and patience. High marks for this one - way better than Odyssey.
Boo (Playable)
Let's get the obvious out of the way: Boo no longer being on every board sucks. Boo's presence added a constant threat to every board he appeared on, and turning it into a function of the Capsule system with the Chain Chomp Capsule was absolutely not a suitable replacement. If he weren't playable, would Boo have just been shuffled into the Capsule system? Probably, but it feels like one of the most egregious exclusions, and the timing is incredibly unfortunate. Due to the way Boo... y'know, doesn't have legs, he also feels understandably floaty to play. Sure, that's the point and it can trick out opponents, too, but the weight that Mario Party characters have doesn't read quite right with Boo at first.
With that out of the way, Boo's awesome. As I was mourning Donkey Kong's loss, a soul of undeath came to me, and carried me through the next two games until he got a friend that was even better. As the first generic enemy to become a playable character, Boo makes a really strong impression. He's cute as Hell, he's cool just by virtue of being a ghost - he has all of the appeal that Yoshi had in the N64 days whilst NOT having inferior Yoshi's Story noises. Instead he merely sounds like someone on helium is being strangled, which is FAR preferable. He's awkward and he's tricky, and he is ALL expression. The mixture of his classic "shy" poses for losing and "grin" poses for winning combine into just an all-around appealing specter of mischief.
And then he just decides "screw it, I'll be absolutely incredible". The Magic Orb in Mario Party 7 is the absolute best option for pure movement in the entire game. It gives the effects of a regular Mushroom, whilst also turning Boo invisible, letting him pass through any traps on his path. It's an elegant fusion of the Metal and regular Mushroom, AND it lasts for two turns in a row. The only downside is that you can't cancel it for another Orb during that time, but that doesn't come with the drawbacks that Toad's Triple Shroom does, since Boo can just pass through any obstacles instead of very predictably walking right into them. And THEN he decides to have an amazing dice block in Super Mario Party, too! -2, -2, 5, 5, 7, 7. There is not a single option on that block that's undesirable - either you stall in place or you roll big, and rolling big is the more likely of the two. He's kind of the inverse of Donkey Kong in that sense, with a few weaker extremes in exchange for more consistent rolling. Along with Wario, he's also the character probably least affected by partners adding to his roll, as just stacking more onto his consistent gains doesn't really hurt him in any way. He's just... really, really good.
Is Boo perfect? No. Do I miss him on the board? Yeah. Are Pink Boos a good replacement? Well I kind of like that they're all evil valley girls, but they really only showed up on two boards to reinforce 6's Day/Night system. But he's definitely one of the strongest post-N64 additions to the playable cast.
Dry Bones
... except that his partner is even better. I don't know what it is about Dry Bones - he's an INCREDIBLY strange addition, mostly because he got in as playable WAY faster than Koopa Troopa did. For some reason, Nintendo went in REALLY hard on Dry Bones in 2005, going from nothing to playable in Mario Superstar Baseball, Mario Kart DS, AND Mario Party 7 in the course of half a year. And yet... he works so incredibly well and naturally as part of the playable cast. His emblem is great, just a side view of his skull, instantly makes a statement. His color palette is dull, but calm and appealing. He's got a lot of cute animations where he just rotates his bones, his weird throat noises are just on the line of being annoying but you get to say CLACKITY CLACK CLACK at your friends and that's fun. You don't pick Dry Bones to be weird and extra, you pick him because he's legitimately appealing. Plus it's fun that he comes in on the game where the big "fighting" game is just punching each other in a ball of water.
And then Dry Bones just decides to be "Boo, but without the weird illusion of floatiness". He has Boo's same Magic orb, which I JUST went over why that's good (also it has the E. Gadd symbol on it - that's cool that E. Gadd just invented magic. Also why isn't E. Gadd playable in anything ever?), and guess what? He's still fantastic. If you're in a 3 player game, you can get team names like "Wario Dry Bones Peach", which I assure you is VERY funny when you are drunk and it's midnight and things that are not at all funny are hysterical due to how not funny they are. And then he decides to have a high tier block in Super Mario Party. 1-1-1-6-6-6 is super edgy, if Shadow the Hedgehog were in the game it'd be the dice block he would have, and it's... strictly a worse Wario or Diddy, admittedly. But it is consistency and can be planned around, keeping Dry Bones very strong and competitive. He's not at all bad, he's just faced with competition that do his exact gimmick slightly better.
At the end of the day, I'm just happy to see D Bones in a game. He was unlockable in Super, and I was like "aw yeah, Dry Bones!" He's a good boy who fits right in with the Mario Party cast, and is probably the best addition to the cast of the Gamecube generation.
Marisa Party
Touhou’s cool. I like that it’s essentially a nothing franchise that anyone can add to the lore to, feels very SCP in that regard. I have zero interest in it, and this… honestly looks like a flash game version of Mario Party. Which it probably is. I think I played a Warcraft III mod that pretended to be Mario Party that was more impressive than this, and that’s a low bar to clear. I won’t rate it because I can’t find if Wriggle Nightbug is playable, and I know nothing about Touhou characters other than Marisa is a better main character than Reimu, Cirno likes 9 and that’s inherently hilarious apparently, and that Wriggle Nightbug is my absolute favorite based on the fact that I like her name and design. If she is playable I might care. If not I might not.
Boo Bell
The better choice to the Magic Lamp in 90% of situations. The ability to get to the Star Space is trivial compared to having the ability to get Boo to YOUR space without having to move at all. If you use the Magic Lamp, you’re getting a star (unless you’re using it defensively in order to prevent someone from stealing it with a Plunder Chest and you don’t have 20 coins, or are using it to get closer to Boo or away from a Bowser Bomb and you don’t have 20 coins for some reason). If you use the Boo Bell, you can steal coins easy, then layup that into another Boo visit or an easy star. OR you can use it for purely reactionary reasons, swiping coins away from a target that would otherwise nab a star. It also tends to be 5 coins cheaper than the lamp in games where they both appear in shops, AND getting it from an item game for free makes it a useful burner to get rid of a player’s Boo Repellant, as it just feels bad to go all the way to Boo, then spend 5 coins to burn an item. Is it TOO good? Nah, it doesn’t spawn for 1st in Item Shops in 3, and is just as vulnerable as the lamp to getting Plunder Chest’d if someone already has one. It’s just a good boy that compounds the pressure on players.
Warukio
He… certainly exists. He doesn’t have the dumpy, crummy theme of Woody from Party 2, so he’s already worse than his brother. However, I do love that the MINI-GAME TREE, of all things, has an evil twin. You land on his space and he takes away coins or sends you backwards. Not exactly the most exciting of times, but there is a neat little exploit you can do. If you don’t choose either fruit in his reaction game, he will, guaranteed, give you a reverse fruit to immediately roll again, but backwards. Whilst this can be disastrous if you’re gunning for Boo, this is a great backup strategy to go toward the path with the Monty Mole hut if you mean to go that way but are sent in the opposite direction by the arrow sign. It’s a… neat board feature, I guess? Not exactly INTERESTING, but neat.
Fortune Street
Whilst not exactly Mario Party, I honestly really love this game. Sometimes there’s a simple joy to just rolling the dice and playing an automated, much more fun version of monopoly. It’s amazing how much better Monopoly is when you just add junctions and basic choice, add some strategy to drawing the chance cards, and get the flexibility of the Vacant Lot system. The metagame is often more interesting than the actual game, negotiating trades in order to attempt District Domination, or targeting a smaller shop specifically. I also LOVE the game’s stock market - investing into a player who’s in the lead, then selling ALL of your stocks after their biggest investment to crash their market is so satisfying. It’s also got a surprisingly great soundtrack - the use of the SMRPG Mushroom Kingdom theme for Peach’s Castle was an INCREDIBLY welcome surprise, and while the Dragon Quest side of things could’ve picked some better maps (really? DQ5 is repped by the less interesting half of the Nera quest?), there’s a lot of fun and good stuff in here. Losses can be absolutely huge and the ‘Out To Lunch’ feature is the single best quality of life feature any virtual board game has ever invented. It singlehandledly solves the issue of ‘wahhh Mario Party can’t be played online what if someone d/c’s’ while also being just a great laziness option for the sheer length of games. It’s not perfect, but it’s exactly what it needs to be, and I greatly enjoy it for that.
Random Ride (MP5)
Is it a worse version of Day At The Races? Yes. Is it entirely irredeemable? Nah. It’s much slower and clunkier, but sometimes the names it picks for the machines are funny. Winning with a crappy-named machine is always fun. Otherwise, it’s just another functional luck-based battle game that’s trying to be one of the beloved Mario Party 2 ones and failing.
Petey Piranha
I honestly had to check if he was IN a Mario Party before 10. It feels weird that he wasn't, the guy was in EVERYTHING in the Gamecube and early Wii era in some capacity, probably the best being when he was a basketball hoop. Fortunately, Petey retains much the same role in MP10. His boss game is a very simple "toss bombs in mouth when the boss opens his mouth" game, but it's a decently fun 'don't get greedy' game that plays really well with the otherwise really bad 'last hit' system. Whilst I think it would be a better game in the vein of Popgun Pick-Off, trying to score as many hits as possible whilst avoiding penalties, I think it does an admirable job with the flawed boss system of the car-era games. I also find it really fun that he replaced the giant Piranha Plant in Piranha's Pursuit - I like that they're turning Petey into 'the giant monster that everyone runs from' in the same way that Chain Chomp was post-64, it suits him well. Petey's time in the series has been brief, but inoffensive and he got a relatively fun mini-game out of it without needing to vomit on everyone.
Coin Block Blitz (MP1)
If you could think of "a game in which Mario characters get a lot of coins", this would probably be one of the first game ideas that comes to mind. Unfortunately, the spawns for coins are random every time, with some blocks having more than others. There are variations on these - 3 blocks will always yield one coin and one block will always yield in between 14 to 22 coins - but these are distributed randomly. If it was constant that the biggest coin earner was always the center block, you'd see a mad scramble toward the middle, with others going for the coin blocks on the side, in sort of a game of chicken similar to Air to a Fortune. As-is, someone is just gonna get a lot of coins and everyone else is gonna get either slightly or significantly less. It's fine, but very 'nothing' and VERY easy to improve
M.P.I.Q. (MP3)
There are two ways to play this game. The first is it being a fun trivia game where characters press their luck in trying to buzz in before a question is finished. Some of the questions are worthless like "what is the total number of coins all players are holding" and "what is the record for Water Whirled", but trivia is fun.
The other is if you have a single friend who buzzes in like the asshole video game kid from Yu Yu Hakusho and mashes through hoping he gets the answer right. The penalty for missing a question on this game is so lenient (just skipping your next turn, and only one player per question gets a turn) that it doesn't really make a difference getting a question wrong or not. If someone wants to deny a specific player a victory, mashing is EASY and honestly strategically sound in order to prevent a further Mini-Game Star lead or to deny coins. You could have honor among thieves and NOT do this... but it's so easy an option to use if someone's two questions ahead, as the mini-game ends after ten questions have been asked. It's a good idea, and having a 'two strikes and you're out' system would've fixed a ton of this game's issues, but it's just too abusable to function in its intended role. And it's not even amazing trivia, either.
Sonic Shuffle
Like almost all Sonic products, this game is rife with ambition, and some of it pays off! Unfortunately, like almost all Sonic products, more of it doesn't. The game introduces concepts of all kinds - cards that let you choose your roll, being able to steal cards from other players at any time to limit their options at the cost of not being able to see what you roll this turn, using those cards to combat enemies in a pseudo-RPG, character-specific map abilities, mini-game spaces, multiple items before Mario Party would adopt the system, blue/red space streaks, map-specific story goals that give you an emblem, the stars not being the goal compared to the emblem, a final boss mini-game for every map that awards a different emblem, random choose your own adventure-style events that offer rewards, unlockable characters, the most amazing version of Bowser's Big Blast where Eggman simply shakes a soda can, puts it in a vending machine, and watches as you fizz your face, THE MOST VILLAINOUS ACT EVER. Eggman is a card that can randomly cause a ton of EEEEVIL events, every time a player gets a Precioustone Eggman drops a giant weight on the one furthest away from the Precioustone for trying to do the more difficult board event for a more guaranteed Emblem or trying to gatekeep a different Precioustone spawn. It's FILLED with ambition, strategy, even character choice advantages on a per-board basis... but due to the flow of the game, it's just horribly imbalanced. Mini-games, across the board, are awful to play, with obstacles getting in your face at way past fast speeds. This is SUPER egregious when all of the end-of-board mini-games, the ones that essentially give you a free emblem, are pretty bad and rely on really rough camera angles and shoddy hit detection. Events popping up get in the way of mini-games. Maps are designed with TONS of dead ends and just aren't that fun to navigate unless you've already invested significant time into them, at which point the novelty of map-specific quests and the general weirdness that is the game has worn off. It's fun and ambitious and cool, but unfortunately this is one of those Sonic projects that has more novelty than meat on its bones. Its ideas are great - games like Dokapon Kingdom have proven how to make them really work and push the digital board game to its limit - but this is a rough draft that's a lot more fun to watch than to play.
Peach's Birthday Cake (MP1)
I actually made a video on the subject here, attached to a Let's Play I did of a 50 turn game with friends:
But the short of it is, it's a weird board that actively does not work in a 20 turn game. There is basically only one choice you get to make on the board, and that is "do you want to plant a Piranha Plant for 30 coins when you land on a Happening Space". The idea of this board is that it's, essentially, a 30 coin check at minimum to get a star, as you need 10 to play the Flower Lottery to get to Toad and then 20 for the star. Of course, you COULD just get sent to Bowser and have to pay an additional 30 (or get REALLY unlucky and see Bowser AGAIN), but 30's the general rule of thumb. There is absolutely nothing else to spend coins on, and no Boo to take coins from others on this board. That means that, after about three passes of this board, most players are going to be pretty loaded and create a minefield of Piranha Plants that steal stars for them. This keeps things exciting, as trying to survive after getting a star from Toad is always nerve-racking as Hell. This is especially fun if you activate the Warp Block, as the random chance to swap with someone shakes EVERYTHING up. Due to the almost choiceless nature of the board, this makes the last 10 turns or so of a 10 turn game REALLY exciting... but everything else basically just set-up for running the gauntlet and attempts to get the Mini-Game Star. It's a fascinating high-concept board that's just in the wrong game to make anything happen. Add in the Poison Mushroom or just the Shy Guy curse in general from Mystery Land and this board becomes a celebration of dickery.
Sizzling Stakes (SMP)
Hey, y'know that really fun part of cooking where you make sure the meat's done all the way through? Y'know, the busywork of making a meal rather than the fun seasoning and flavor experimentation, where you can easily get oil burns? Let's emulate that with EXACTLY the same level of tedium. It's a very "look at this sexy new gyro technology" game that's just... why?
Frozen Frenzy (MP5)
Yeah Power Stone's a pretty fun game. Does the time limit turn this into "camp in the corner with the moving platform as soon as you get 3"? Yeah, but that still requires a skill and timing check with the drop kick AND that you manage to get 3 crystals in the first place. Of the brawl games, this one is... totally fine. Just a fun little scramble where it feels like anyone can win and anyone can lose. Not the best show of skill or the most overly hype game, but it's fun and good.
TOAD In The Box (MP2)
I don't know why TOAD is in all caps, just like BOWSER's Big Blast, but it certainly makes the game more memorable! The game is JUST competitive Chance Time, with the blocks all having intensely similar timing. Does it end up as a bit of a crapshoot with the final block? Yeah, but the timing IS consistent, as are the rotations, and any time that you use to skip cycles with the other stages gives you more chances at the final Toad. I also really like the glitzy stage set-up, makes the game really memorable. Honestly it's about as good as a game of this type could be, and I appreciate it more due to its practical application in other facets of the game.
Luigi on the Mario Party 9 Box Art
In reality, Luigi was just off-screen riding a Wiggler, and happened to be cropped out. But the fact that people were in MOURNING over Luigi, in a game that they were already upset about, to the point where a SECOND, TINY LUIGI was made to tuck right behind the "M" in "Mario Party" is pretty fantastic. It's a fantastic, worthless controversy. All for it.
Smash Tour (Smash Wii U)
The main conceit of this mode I don't entirely hate. You're trading Smash Bros characters in order to fulfill a big brawl at the very end. Already it's SIGNIFICANTLY worse than Smash Run, far less competitive, less interesting, and even less engaging as a multiplayer game due to always aiming for the same goal instead of needing to adapt, but I can understand it. However, Smash Tour's one of the most miserable, progression-less experiences that only gets worse the more you play it. Movement is utterly stopped whenever you cross another player, and as everyone moves at the same time, this happens constantly on all but the largest of maps. I understand this is to get in more fights, and having a 'randomized fight' mode is a great novelty, but it prevents movement on the board and, really, any level of strategic thought from being implemented behind "make a mad dash to characters, don't run into someone better than you". But even then, items just LOVE breaking the balance of the game. Sure, there are some that just give you items or damage your opponent for temporary boosts, but then there's Tingle who just shuffles ALL of the fighters randomly. There's no real balance or thought to the mode, just "do things, roll dice, go about the motions." The one good thing is that it allows for something Smash hadn't done to that point - a team brawl where every stock is a different character. That was an exceptional novelty that it's shocking that Smash didn't implement before... and it's locked behind a crappy board game, can't be accessed except through said board game, AND you have to deal with the wacky stat increases, so you can't play the mode as anything but a supreme gimmick match. Smash has a problem of only wanting you to play it the way that the devs WANT you to play it - it was super obvious in Brawl, and whilst it's gotten better over time, you still have super limiting and awkward menus, a hyper-specialized online system that barely functions for anything but the most casual (and short) of get-togethers, and no boss battles mode outside of WoL. Smash Tour is probably the most obvious example of this in Smash 4 - a bunch of honestly pretty fun and great ideas locked behind a bad mode with less strategic value than Mario Party 1, and then when Ultimate made them accessible, the luster had worn off. Is it actively harmful like The Top 100? No, but it's not fun and just an utter disappointment all around.
Mario Party 8's UI
I always found the text choices intentional in Mario Party 8. It's a crappy, overblown carnival, having a billion fonts and gaudy eyecatches is super on-brand. However... I will admit that's probably giving the game too much credit. Some of those bitcrushed fonts are pretty hideous, after all. Do I think it's hard to read? Very rarely, and that's my limit for if UI is bad. But it is ugly. I just think it manages to create a visual identity in how disjointed it is, even if it's an ugly one.
Clockwork Castle (MP6)
Now HERE'S a board with some style! I love the idea of the final board being Brighton and Twila essentially at war with each other, it feels like a Mario Party 1 board where there's some actual plot and meat to it. The main conceit is Donkey Kong zooming around the board during the day as a moving star space, then the rotation of the entire board changing at night and now Bowser is chasing after players. Thus, the game is all about thinking two or three turns ahead - is it worth approaching Donkey Kong with a high roll if Bowser is just gonna turn around and gank me if I don't roll high enough? Should I try and go after Happening instead? Is it worth going into.a Warp Pipe to try to escape Bowser, or can I risk rolling low to be closer to DK when day breaks? Happening Spaces are also incredibly powerful here, featuring incredible movement option changers by rotating Warp Pipes, as well as landing on Brighton or Twila during their specific part of the day. It's also one of the few maps to do the alternating bridge gimmick well - whilst they mostly don't affect DK's movement since you can try to land ahead of him and have him roll into you, trying to get to a point to escape Bowser - or better yet, send him down a path that one of your opponents is on - is utterly fantastic, especially since the bridges end up in the same place, it's only what Happening Spaces you have access to and if Bowser can get to you that changes. Are there times where DK and Bowser just decide to roll big and you lose out to pure chance? Yeah, but I love the tension that those moments bring - very few games can make a monkey eating a banana particularly nerve-racking. I only have one major complaint, and that is the lack of an Orb Shop on this board. Orb Dispensers are littered all over the place, of course, but due to the difficulty that can be had in simply tracking DK down, I find this a board where coins amass quickly with little to spend them on. The strategic possibilities in being able to pick your orbs could be SO chaotic on this board, and I wish the opportunity was given to players. Oh, and Bowser just moves around the place SO SLOWLY. Occasionally agonizing if the guy gets a big roll and you have to watch him walk down the stairs for an hour. It's so close to being one of the all-time greats, just a few nitpicks keep it out of the tippity top, but it's one of the most flavorful, clever, and constantly unpredictable boards in the series.
Abandon Ship (MP2)
It's funny when you have people who haven't played the game in a while and they just die instantly because they weren't mashing the second that the game started. That's just so needlessly cruel. Anyway, this is a weird button masher where, essentially, there's a cap to your speed. But once the top of the mast is in sight, that cap comes off and it's just seeing who can meet the mashing threshold for that last sprint first. Often times, players will just mash hard through the whole game, slowing toward the end, when a balanced mashing diet ended off with a final sprint will cause you to win. Due to the way the game checks how close you are, this often ends with players feeling like they SHOULD win, their character just kinda stuck on the side of the mast, and then watching as they don't do anything and sink into the abyss. It's funny, and it's the only mashing game I win at because of the massive size of my brain... but it's a way worse Skateboard Scamper and is more funny for being bad at conveying information than it is challenging. Also I don't know if ANYONE even tries to dodge the fish, everyone I have ever seen just facetanks the fish. Why is he there?
Mushroom Shop Clerk (MP1)
What is wrong with their face? What happened to them? This is one of the few times that a Toad species is based on a mushroom other than the traditional, rounded design, and it looks unique and weird. They get points over other characters with absolutely zero personality because the Mushroom Shop theme is a BOP, and they know it, perfectly bouncing in time with the music. It appeals to the simple side of my brain that likes it when things bounce and stuff.
Mini-Game Decathlon (MP5)
At least I THINK this is what's being nominated? I found this and it sounds terrifying and I want to do it.
https://sites.google.com/view/octathlon/decathlon
Anyway, Mario Party 5 experimented a LOT in its side modes, which almost makes up for the boards being worst-in-the-series garbage a vast majority of the time and a lot of the mini-games being mashers. Mini-Game Decathlon fixes a ton of that, making games that were previously pure "race to the finish" affairs and turning them into contests for overall points, not finishing until last place has crossed the finish line. This is a REALLY cool idea, and I'd love to see it somehow mixed in with board design at times - maybe create a Battle Game Scenario or a special item that allows for a "best of three" with last place choosing the next game in the 'series' or something, or perhaps a Last Five Turns event in that vein. It's not like Mario Party games particularly care about being frugal with time! Is a full 10 mini-game gauntlet a little daunting? Yeah, especially if someone gets an early lead, that's pretty demoralizing. But it's got a great presentation and is a great idea that makes a number of included mini-games significantly more engaging.
The Pity Coin in Battle Games
There is nothing more important than this. Whoever wins this gets respect and everyone else feels cheated. There is nothing so meaningless that has meant so much. It never fails to get a reaction and I love it for that. It almost never matters, but on the rare occasion that it does... oh, that is something to savor.
Goomba's Greedy Gala (MP4)
The best board in MP4... basically by default. The general gist of the board is that it's a casino, you could just get stuck in a losing/winning streak on one of its four quadrants and never escape, or you could get lucky and win big. The board is occasionally nightmarish, the left side of it only escapable by losing a dice game to a Goomba or with incredible Mini Mushroom luck... but in that, the board actually does the best out of all of MP4's in utilizing the Mini Mega System. The Mega Mushroom skips the dice games, but if there's a star behind them, it may not be worth the risk. Likewise, Mini Mushrooms are invaluable both for escaping the bottom-left quadrant AND for landing on the Happening Spaces at the top of the board, which become incredibly valuable targets when seen as a way off of Mr. Goomba's Wild Ride. In a stroke of brilliance, the Item Shop is right at the start of the board, so players can purchase defensive items like Warp Pipes in order to avoid being locked into an unfavorable position, or go ham with Boo's Crystal Ball and trying to farm coins from the Goomba Dice games in order to steal an easy star. Speaking of Boo, his placement is exceptional on this board - far away from the start, but in the quadrant that's accessible from all adjacent quadrants (the top right), meaning that a successful loop of the board will see players trying to nab Boo. Just the fact that he's not tucked behind a Mini Pipe does my heart good. In spite of all the luck surrounding this board, and how unlucky you can truly get, there's always SOMETHING to do and aim for in Greedy Gala. Is it a great board? Hell no, giving you 20 coins due to good luck on the roulette table is WAY too strong for early game and the odds are way too generous, and the Goomba Dice have the potential (and very well can) lock a player into the top or bottom left for an entire game. But there's actual merit to using each Mushroom in a multitude of situations, every path has something appealing about it, and it's just so much better than every other board in the game that it just FEELS so stand-out and enjoyable. And Pink Top Hat Goomba is some serious style.
Driver's Ed (MP2)
I have never had this on a save file of mine because I am physically incapable of beating Mecha-Marathon on Hard. I just... can't do it. However, I have played the game due to going over to a friend's house and beating Hot Rope Jump for them. It's... honestly a fine bonus game, but I kinda wish it were a 4-player competitive game. The use of the controls here are much better served than they are in Bumper Balloon Cars. However, I also think it's significantly more lenient than MP1's Bumper Ball Mazes, making it easy enough to translate into a mini-game that most wouldn't immediately fail. Also if you run into the cones, they don't go flying, which is sad, I want the game to be harder if it's the final challenge for murdering three Baby Bowsers in tank warfare. It's fine, but I wish it were put into the mini-game rotation like Rainbow Run is, or at least have Baby Bowser race you through it instead of being purely high score-based.
Shy Guy Says
I love Shy Guy solely because of this game. He had other appearances, sure, he's super cute in Paper Mario and honestly the Shy Guy race as a whole is the best thing about Paper Mario: Color Splash, but this is game that proved that Shy Guys were the best generic enemy race. Strap the main Mario cast into barrels, commandeer a ship, get a badass longcoat, and make them raise flags in order to not drown forever. It's such a simple game, but it's a tense one every single time. The Shy Guy actually caps out his speed after around 10 flags or so, so he never becomes too great for human reaction time - it's purely whether you can keep consistent as the minutes roll on that determine if you stay alive. After a while, it stops being about winning coins - it's a war of attrition between whoever the last two remaining are, with the chance that both of you will screw up also on the table. At the speed the game goes, it's honestly probably the most pure 'duel' game, and I give it high marks for its style and execution. Both versions of Shy Guy Says are good, but I gotta give the edge to the original (even if I love the detail that DK and Wario's balloons elevate them less than other characters because they're big boys). A Lakitu is added to the Shy Guy Says in Mario Party 2, and the time it takes for him to travel from one side to the other is the time the player has to input a flag. If Lakitu's going slower, you KNOW that the change-up is happening, which means that you just focus on whatever flag is up when Lakitu's almost totally at the right side of the screen. I prefer the purity of the original version, just focusing on the arms of the Shy Guy and trying to hit the button as soon as he lowers - it's a more pure test of focus. Also because it has two seagulls that are HORRIBLY greenscreened into the background. I love them.
Dunk Bros (MP6)
Yo this game's got style. First of all, I really appreciate that this mini-game is given its own snazzy, hip hop theme - a lot more care was put into the background of this one than the MP5 bonus games, and it really adds to the sense of style. Now, is it just the simplest basketball ever? Yeah, but the simple fact that it's functional 2v2 basketball makes it really enjoyable. I've always found basketball a bit more enjoyable than hockey in video game format, just because you're almost ALWAYS scoring in a game of hoops and stealing the ball from your opponent feels like you got away with something dirty and get to press the advantage. I don't think it's quite as good as volleyball - rally-based games tend to be even better for video games - but it's a fun little diversion for a game or two. Significantly better than all of the series' other attempts at shooting hoops before then!
Mystery Land (MP2)
The weakest of Mario Party 2's boards by a rather significant margin. First, the positives - Bowser is fantastic. He always is, of course, but he really outdoes himself here, with the Bowser Bomb being absolutely devastating due to enclosed map sectors basically ensuring that Bowser will get to reap the wallets of anyone he's in the same area as. And the Bowser Sphinx is among the best Bowser gimmicks, giving out just the WORST riddles and cursing people, and losing in the most hilarious way. "Fool, I shall curse you!" and just dropping a rock costume on Koopa Troopa is just... masterful. Also Warp Blocks are really good on this board, and that's nice, they're usually the worst movement option.
... that's about it for praise, though. Movement is done through Happening Spaces, moving players counter-clockwise through the board. Already, the sheer number of Happening Spaces makes competing for the Happening Star a moot point - someone's just going to land on more of them than others and they get the star. You can influence this OCCASIONALLY with the Shy Guy Curse Houses, but these are often placed in inopportune areas (specifically the one on the bottom right, which is placed AFTER the UFO Warp that goes to Boo's quadrant, which is very desirable because... well I shouldn't have to tell you why going to Boo is desirable).. Skeleton Keys would be decent on this board, but the one in the bottom-left requires a near-full rotation of the quadrant to access, which either means you rolled BIG into the item shop OR got a key and hedged your bets that you'd be unlucky enough to use it. Due to the way this map functions, you could just be stuck with a Skeleton Key forever through no real fault of your own, and that's just not very fun. The UFO also has a chance of malfunctioning, which happens rarely, admittedly, and takes you to a really cool King Bob-omb Graveyard thing, but it eliminates the one other bit of consistency that the board has. The obvious comparison to make here is with Wario's Battle Canyon from 1, but even THAT board had more consistency with the ability to bring people to Fly Guy or choose to go to Bowser's platform for 1-player mini-games. Regular Mushrooms are near useless, making the Item Shop pretty worthless to anyone who gets to it in the first five turns, and in general, the board just capitalizes on none of Mario Party 2's strengths other than how damn GOOD Bowser is, whilst exposing the shortcomings of the single-item inventory really hard. Its theming is top-notch, but it's clearly a step behind the other five boards.
Strawberry Shortfuse (MP6)
There are a lot of visual memory based games in Mario Party - Roll Call, Shell Game, Messy Memory, Curtain Call. This is absolutely the best of them. The concept is so simple - just give a bunch of monkeys some bombs and cakes, have them run around a nice, busy and distracting background for a while, and have just monkeys scrambling around. I really enjoy all of the little animations made for this, the chimps pushing the cake, the one Ukiki that is absolutely DELIGHTED every time someone picks a piece of cake, the fact that Ukikis with bombs are just totally up for exploding with the partiers and eat it just as badly as Mario and friends do. I also love the format of the game - three rounds, and if your concentration holds out, everyone who survives gets money. It is VERY likely that you can't keep up with all of the 'safe' options, and even then, very likely that you and an opponent will be looking at the same apes. And, best of all, it's a Battle game, one that requires intense attention and that everyone has a pretty equal chance of winning. MP6 with yet another winner in this one, and one with a huge amount of style, too.
Toadsworth
Man, what happened to this guy? Toadsworth was EVERYWHERE in the Gamecube era, rarely playable but often some kind of host or background element, he even made it into New Super Mario Bros as the new host for Toad Houses. It seemed like he was ready to replace Toad as an NPC and let the guy settle into a role of an alternate playable character, but NOPE. Toadsworth just decided to peace out after like 2009 except for Mario & Luigi games. In any case, 7 actually added quite a bit to Toadsworth. Before he was just kind of... there and old and a Toad, but this game added a lot of dumb British-isms and old man sayings to him. Honestly, he's the most entertaining host the series had since the Millennium Star, actually emoting and giving off fun noises. His disappointed "Oh..." is still baked into my memory. However, he is the host of the Mic Space, and being tied to that space just docks him a bit inherently.
Towering Treetop (MP6)
A really fun starting board for Mario Party 6, and an immediately noticeable return to form after the awful boards of 5. The board does an excellent job introducing the day/night gimmick, with different flowers blooming during the day and night, leading to needing to take either more or less spaces to reach shops, Happening Spaces, etc. This already puts over the value of movement items far more than anything done since 4 or 5, but just having orbs available at shops in the new, more limited format creates a more 'do or die' form of adaptation. Boo being available only at night also deals into this, as does having a Happening Space trail in the beehive that is actively harmful, but hey, gotta add to that Happening total somehow! Do I think the board is excellent? Nah, the random-movement fluffs seem more like a weird holdover from Sunshine and less useful than the natural flow of the board, and the happening space where you make the tree sneeze is ALMOST amazing, but it's unfortunately random and simply enhanced more or less on whether he sneezes or not based on how much you tickle his nose. Tossing other players down to a lower path IS game-changing and absolutely worth Slow Shrooming into the space, but this randomness keeps it as too great a risk, especially since a 10-space linear stretch follows that Happening, which most players would REALLY like a movement option for. It's a good board, not a great one... but MAN is it refreshing after 4 and 5's board selections.
Spike Koopa
https://www.mariowiki.com/images/9/97/SpikeKoopa2.jpg
There are TEETH coming out of its EYES. Its underside looks a lot more like a beetle, and just... why do these exist? Who thought this was a good idea? Why aren't they just Hammer Bros, that model already exists in the game? They are weird, obscure enemies and fun to pull out at trivia nights (because it's very clear that you can impress women very easily by showing them how many obscure Mario enemies you know), but... my god are these things hideous and horrifying.
Bowser's Magma Mountain (MP1)
Probably my favorite board in the original Mario Party.I know a LOT of people decry this map as an absolute luck-fest, one that's determined to make you miserable and you just have to struggle through. And to that I say, "you realize you're playing Mario Party 1, don't you?". More than any other board, this is the one where your choices actually matter. Most other boards have incredibly few junctions that only affect you every several turns, or lock off the choices with alternating gates or warp cycles, or are DK's Jungle Adventure and shove TONS of spaces after every junction and have a clear "best" path (hint: it's the one that goes closer to both Boos and isn't in the path of the Happening Space Boulder), only really deviating if the Star's down Bowser's pathway. Magma Mountain, though, has considerable risk to each of its shortcuts. You pay 10 coins in order to essentially perform a coin flip whether or not you succeed in taking a shortcut at multiple points. I find these pretty brilliant; you don't really use coins for much in the first Mario Party, but you DO need enough in order to get a Star. Players need to check where they'd end up both if they took the shortcut and if they skipped out on it, and determine whether the chance to get ahead is worth potentially being 10 coins down AND not on their preferred path. This often isn't an easy choice, as Happening Spaces are very carefully spaced out in this board, making them very desirable targets and VERY much worth depositing 10 coins for a chance at. There is also an "escape" from the board with one of these shortcuts, skipping out on going to the mountain's peak and potentially seeing Bowser... but also skipping out on Boo and a few Star spawns in the process. This all culminates in perhaps the most tense and nasty Bowser event. Bowser's hidden behind a coin toss, where if you succeed you go to Boo, and if you fail you see the Koopa King. If you happen to visit Bowser, he'll decide whether he takes coins or a star from you using ANOTHER coin toss. Having a star stolen through pure chance is absolutely NASTY, but you have to fail two coin flips in a row to get that result, potentially three if you try for the escape shortcut. Of course, going Boo could be worth that risk... but Boo isn't the godsend he is on every other map, he's a massive risk that has to be taken in order for a coup of a move, or a prayer for recovery if you lose a race to a specific star. The Happening Event can also be an exceptional way to preserve a lead, turning all Blue Spaces into Reds for two turns... but YOU only have to roll for one of those before it turns back to normal. If you're going last, this can almost ensure a 1v3 mini-game, which puts an even larger cash squeeze on everyone... or could be Bash 'n' Cash. EVERYTHING about Magma Mountain is Risk Vs Reward, and it's probably the only Mario Party 1 map that plays to the game's strengths perfectly. Mixing in the item dice is actually fun on this map, as those end up as huge game changers whenever they show up. The song's even kind of an underrated banger! Really strong, underrated board
.Board Ending Stories (MP2)
These are just intensely fun things, a perfect way to wind down a game. What I love about them is that the character who won is revealed in the middle of them. If the game comes down to coins, this makes the reveal all the stronger. Bowser's got some fantastic lines in these (argh ya corked me!), and they're just a great way to either give everybody time to decompress or get everyone trying to calculate who had the most coins after that last mini-game (because you WILL forget those coin counts during bonus stars). Just tons of fun overall and some actually have really fun cinematography. And I know you didn't ask, but just to rank, Mystery > Western > Space > Horror > Bowser > Pirate. And Pirate Land's is EXCELLENT, some really cool lighting done with the saber sparks there!
Pirate Land (MP2)
Pirate Land is sort of a “mean” first board. A bank AND a Bowser Space before the player reaches a single junction? Pirate Land games are always destined for a slow start. This is hampered even more by the Happening Spaces - the string of them in a row means that SOMEONE is gonna get shot by the cannons and send everyone back to start. That is, unless you attempt to escape it via a Skeleton Key to get to Boo (undesirable if Toad spawned on one of the many western locations) or try to power through with a Mushroom (which is unreliable for obvious reasons). Due to all of this, Pirate Land is probably the worst board post-MP1 for a 20 turn game, as sometimes, some players just won’t be able to get out of start until a VERY lucky break. Once it finally gets going, though, Pirate Land is pretty fun! It’s got some kinda boneheaded decisions, like the second Skeleton Key gate not being really useful compared to the Thwomp that’s just a few spaces underneath it, the Sushi spaces NOT being Happening Spaces for some reason, and there are two star spawns on the southwest island that are, like, RIGHT next to each other and sometimes you’ll just get two stars in one turn for no reason. But once Golden Mushrooms and Warp Blocks come into play, travel becomes exceptionally interesting on the board, Magic Lamps become exceptionally valuable, and having a star spawn riiiight before where the eastern Skeleton Key gate lets out makes for an agonizing decision on whether Toad or Boo is more worth it. It’s a good map to start to teach the Item and Bank systems, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was the first board made for the game; the fingerprint of Mario Party 1 is all over this one.
“HEEHEEHEE, I GOT IT!” - Mario
Why isn’t it just HERE WE GOOOOO? Like, that’s the Mario thing. It’s alright, but it’s not incredible. Martinet has a lot of enthusiasm toward the line, at least.
Book It! (MPDS)
Snow Whirled, but as a 2v2 and for babies! There is a level of coordination, essentially creating a rhythmic back-and-forth that your partner can match with, but I find the simultaneous sync games like Desert Dash and Looney Lumberjacks have a bit better requirements in that department. It's fun stuff, and honestly a really clever use of perspective to find a stupid way to make a mini-game, mainly limited by the 2v2 format and, well, having an upper limit as opposed to Whirled. It's a fun variant on the classic coordination games, and it certainly much better than some (hi Thwomp Pull and "you asshole pass me the bucket so we can give the fish a home" ), but I think a couple other games of its type are JUST a bit harder to pull off. I actually like it better than Lumberjacks, though - a lot clearer on what buttons to press and if you're doing it right.
NEW RECORD! (MP1)
Why is the emphasis on the "COR" syllable? I always thought that was weird. In any case, it's a pretty good announcer voice line, but toward the bottom of the pack. Does anyone care about records outside of speedrunners and competitive Bumper Ball Maze players? Always felt like a bonus to just rub it in a little and then immediately forget about.
Gathering Coins Mid Mini-Game
It absolutely depends on what game you're playing, but generally, there are only two situations where you'd want to specifically seek out bonus coins rather than try to win the mini-game: when you're at in between 15 and 19 coins, or when you're at in between 45 and 49 coins. These figures can differ depending on the game, and if there's a bank or Baby Bowser or whatever in your path, but generally, there's around 5 extra 'bonus' coins to go around in mini-games that offer them. If you're behind and obviously going to lose, then sure, go ahead and pick them up. They'll add to your coin count and the mini-game star well enough, so getting 3 coins in a mini-game is far more valuable than landing on a blue space. But getting 10 coins in a mini-game is worth SO much more. The only real exception is Skateboard Scamper, which if you don't get the coins, what are you even doing? They're directly in your path, it's 5 coins that are easy to get, your rivals will very likely pick them up as well, and there's a mashing cap at that point in the game, so you're not even losing coins by going for them. Otherwise, they're only particularly good if you absolutely need a guarantee - slowing down to collect them is relying on your opponents' failure rather than your own ability.
Fun Gus (MP1)
I find it incredibly amusing that Talking Parrot has a page on the Mario Wiki and this guy, who apparently owns Talking Parrot, does not. Obviously, he is not as good as Talking Parrot. I was scared of this man as a tiny child - I had no idea HOW he would erase your save data (it's with chalk erasers - actually pretty cute), so I thought he'd curse my cartridge and delete the ability to save things again. It wasn't so farfetched - I'd read that Gruntilda could do similar stuff in Banjo-Kazooie, so I thought there was an actual curseman in my game ready, at a moment's notice, to Papa Shango Curse it. In reality, he is nowhere near that cool, and frowns too much to actually be fun. But I like his style and the weird, off-brand Mario Underground theme he's got going on, so he gets to be better than, like, Brighton.
The Pipe Flipping Over (MP2)
MAN this is a good one. I love when there are little easter eggs like that tucked into games - it's a setting that'll so rarely come up, but so more interesting than just "everyone moves backwards really quickly". I was always disappointed when Mario Party changed from having the character models appear versus just picking their portraits (or weird soul orb things in 5) and that being that. Probably the most amusing of details.
Future Dream (MP5)
YA LIKE MYSTERY LAND? WHAT IF WE MADE IT WORSE? It's in this board that a lot of Mario Party 5's board weaknesses become really obvious - segmented areas, relying on capsules being littered about in order to make things interesting, weird, underpowered Happening Spaces, everything being a series of circles around choice areas. Teleporters bring you from the center platform to the other two, whilst the only way to get from the left platform to the right is to land on a single Happening Space in order to take an air taxi... and pay 10 coins for the service. This feels HORRIBLY underpowered for the requirement of 'landing on a Happening Space'. Worse yet, the pathway from the left to the right teleporter is guarded by three Happening Spaces, each of which loads you into a rocket that takes you to a random landing zone, making getting to the right platform obnoxious. It's hard to really talk about a lot of MP5's boards, because they share the same issues of just kinda tossing you about the board, having really short loops in segmented areas, and not having very much personality, it's just WEIRD that this one has a taxi that costs you coins instead of other movement spaces (like in Undersea Dream) where you just GET a ton of coins from doing the same thing. Mystery Land was odd, but at least it was consistent due to the constant rotation, and being able to use the UFOs in order to (usually) form a shortcut between two of the more desirable board segments. Future Dream lacks any real sort of consistency past "hope you get movement from the Capsule Machine, go to one of the segments, hope you roll big otherwise you'll be there a while!".
Balloon of Doom (MP4)
Perhaps the funniest game where Bowser just reveals he's a total inflation fetishist. Like, there are other "inflate the balloon until it explodes" games in the series, but none of them have Bowser sitting in his Lay-Z Throne in the background going "Unnnnf, yeah make it bigger!" That is GRAND comedy when you're in the middle of a Mario Party and everyone is very concerned about losing all of their coins. As a kind of reverse Honeycomb Havoc where you just have to eyeball it and hope, it's pretty fun and tense, and does a great job of making you feel like you have a choice and strategy when it kinda just comes down to luck. It's a great game that's only occasionally docked points by having times where the game is no-risk. Bowser occasionally only takes items from losing his games - which would be GREAT if this were Mario Party 3, but often just ends up burning away a bunch of Mushrooms clogging up everyone's inventories, as usually players just use Magic Lamps as soon as they get them. Not really Bowser's fault as much as the game, but it's something unfortunate that hovers over this game's exceptional selection of Bowser Games.
2v2 With One Hard CPU on one team and an Easy CPU On The Other
Shoulda rolled better, guy with easy CPU. At that point, the mini-game stops being about winning, and becomes about insulting the easy CPU being a moron. Intentionally trying not to throw, but to match the easy CPU and just barely beat them in spite of the Hard CPU's best efforts, just to mock the sheer idiocy of a program whose only function is to be an idiot. Or you just take the win and 10 free coins and hate fun.
Dokapon Kingdom
It takes a VERY specific mindset in order to enjoy Dokapon Kingdom. Signing up to play Dokapon Kingdom isn't playing Mario Party; the short game is just too short to enjoy that. Dokapon Kingdom is a D&D session where you're actively trying to lose friends. It is impossible to describe just how good Dokapon Kingdom is at getting you to utterly hate your friends. The sheer amount of ways you can screw them over, the amount of decisions that are decided by essentially winning at rock-paper-scissors (and occasionally literally), the status effects that can DESTROY forward progress for almost an hour of real time, the fact that the entire game is built on economy and if you're bad at capitalism, the game WILL give you shit for it. This is a game that gives last place an "Equal to Poop" award. However, it is a game where so much can happen that comebacks are ALWAYS a possibility. The only things that you can depend on are castles, which you get from turning in major quests, and special rewards from completing dungeons, such as the Ancient Technology; no one can take your XP and skills away from you.
However, there's one thing that singlehandedly turns the game great, and that's the Darkling. If a player is in last for an extended period of time, they will begin to hear Dark Whispers. From this point, Weber the Magician has a chance of spawning on black spaces for them, and essentially giving them a devil's contract. By signing the contract and forfeiting all non-castle non-equipment assets (money, towns, magic, items), they get 14 turns where essentially they are playing as Bowser. Last place becomes the ultimate equalizer, forcing players to try to hide on "safe" spaces, as they get three to five dice blocks per turn and become incredibly powerful in the game's RPG Combat segments. However, the Darkling randomly receives points to give them powers each turn, and these are DEVASTATING. Darklings can steal a random castle, force every character to their space no matter how far away they are OR if they're in a dungeon, shut down all shops or helpful spaces for players to hide on, summon monsters to take away every town on EVERY continent. They have a limited number of points, and they're gotten randomly, so the Darkling has to decide exactly how to best screw over everyone with the resources they have... but it's the ultimate catharsis and an amazing equalizer. To be willing to surrender almost everything in order to shatter the status quo and get revenge... that's such a rare, incredible, and due to the sheer length of the game, surprisingly balanced feeling. Yeah, this game's bullshit, but it's GREAT. Everyone will hate both each other and the game by the end, and it's brilliantly designed to take advantage of that whenever possible.
Toad's Voice Post-N64
I mean, it's awful, but in a very fun to imitate way. In Mario Party, he lacks his great quotes like WHAT'S THIS ICKY PAINT-LIKE GOOP, which I quote to this day for reasons even I don't understand. On its own, the voice is nothing, but hearing what others doing it, the utter throat destruction you go through trying to imitate it... that's special. But it is a strict downgrade from OKAY and YEAH.
Team Names (MP8)
... I don't think I've ever had friends who actually wanted to play a team game in Mario Party 8. Already, you can tell these names have some SAUCE to them that a lot of the 5 and 6 names just lacked. Dry Bones is just a brilliant master of the pun game - BBQ Ribs, Short Ribs, Numbskulls, Cry Bones... the incredibly concerning name "Bone Chokers" when he's paired with Birdo. Yeah okay I think that's the absolute best one. Other highlights include Birdo/Mario's "Super Snozzios", Daisy/Blooper's "Bloopsie-Daisy", Mario/Toad's "Fungi Fun Guys", Wario/Peach's "Sugar 'n' Spies". Yeah... this is an amazing pun game.
Magic Lamp
So… I don’t think this is quite as overpowered and overly desirable as most would think? I mean, don’t get me wrong, this thing is an INSANE drop to get from an Item Game, absolutely worth it in that regard. But needing to purchase it from a shop… it’s really only worth it in 3, and only if it’s later in the game. The Magic Lamp has the easy and obvious function of ‘take whoever holds it to the star’. That doesn’t mean they GET the star, they still have to pay 20 coins in order to nab it. In Mario Party 2, it costs 30 coins to get a Magic Lamp from the shop, meaning you’re essentially paying 50 coins for a single star - the exact same price of stealing a star with Boo. That is a 2-star swing against a target player, compared to the 1-star swing and potential denial of someone who’s close to the star. Additionally, this is, by far, the MOST vulnerable item to the Swap Card and Plunder Chest. You can’t really ‘invest for the future’ with the Magic Lamp in the same way you can with a Boo Bell. Boo Repellant allows for a much safer investment and counter to the Boo Bell than risking using a chest/card to steal it, AND requires 50 coins in order to use it. Lamps? You’re gonna steal those suckers whenever possible - it is NEVER a bad idea. Lamps, thus, typically only last one turn in one way or another, and occasionally have to be burned just to prevent someone from stealing it next turn, usually resulting in a positional disadvantage. There is, however, Party 3, where they only cost 20 coins… but even there, there’s a high chance that they appear in Toad’s Item Bag, and are best used defensively by getting them with the Cellular Shopper, an additional +5 coins to ensure safety, which… still puts it underneath a Boo investment. I think lamps are necessary and add a LOT to the game, but are not the be-all “greatest items” that they tend to be portrayed as. They’re strong, but they’re MASSIVE targets, and not necessarily the most powerful playmakers in the game. But I mean, it’s also ace flavor and it’s the lamp, it’s a legend for a reason. Just one that’s not quite as pristine as in childhood.
Luigi's Hat
You can actually mess with it in Face Lift, unlike Mario's hat, so it's better than Mario's hat by default. It's a very nice hat. If Yoshi wears it in Super Mario 64 DS, he turns into Luigi, who is objectively better than Mario in that game. That doesn't have anything to do with Mario Party. I don't care. I also assume it's cleaner than Mario's hat, I would imagine Luigi does his laundry far more often than Mario does his. I'm sure that Luigi does Mario's laundry, but Mario is shown to sleep in his clothes, so he probably wears the same clothes for multiple days in a row. This means Luigi gets to keep immaculate care of his hat while Mario's is worn and tired. Good for you, Luigi.
Day/Night Minigame Differences (MP6)
Low key this is one of my absolute favorite touches in the whole series. Sure, some of the alterations of games are pretty dull and just palette swaps, but then you get to some real winners. "What Goes Up" especially is awesome, starting out as Awful Tower but actually good in the day, but turning into a descent race at night. I LOVE this idea, and it's a significantly better way to reuse assets than to just toss them into repeated duel mini-games. I just wish that there was more of this, really - the limited use is its only real flaw.
Kamek Capsule (MP5)
I swear, sometime SOMEONE is going to nominate something about Kamek that's remotely positive. I guess Shy Guy's Perplex Express technically counts, but the poor guy needs a break from being terribly represented! The Kamek Capsule, specifically in its MP5 appearance, is... yet another victim of Mario Party 5. Its one function is to randomly shuffle all Capsules that players are holding, favoring the player who landed on his space if he can't cleanly divide them. The issue is, Capsules in Mario Party 5 are already distributed randomly, so you can't really use this in order to react. Heck, with the exception of the rare Wiggler and Chain Chomp Capsules, most players just throw a capsule down as soon as they get one, as that's really the only way to make most of MP5's boards any fun. So it just ends up as a space that makes random drops slightly more random. There is the OCCASIONAL usage where Kamek's worth his 10 coin asking price, but not often enough to recommend him at all.
Pyramid Park (MP7)
This board is SO close to being good, but is let down by just one major design flaw. First of all, it's vastly improved from Snowflake Lake as a star-stealing focused board, in that the option to ride a Chomp for 20 coins for two dice blocks of movement is always present. This is a great option to both avoid a pursuing player and to actually make the cost of hunting down opponents for stars always worth it. The Snack Orb has been rebalanced to be an active buff instead of a passive burnable, protecting a player for three turns, but also preventing them from using any other movement items during this time. Bowser Time involves the big guy stealing a star and throwing it over to Koopa Kid, encouraging players to hunt the brat down and mug him, as well as summoning a sandstorm that prevents players from going to the other half of the board, unless using some Happening Spaces ripped out of Spiny Desert. The Bowser Sphinx is large and imposing, and basically plays all of Bowser's Greatest Hits when his Happening Space is landed on, having a chance to discount all of the star stealing Chomps, change all Blue Spaces to Red and vice-versa, or activate Bowser Revolution. Having even the CHANCE at a triggerable Bowser Revolution is amazing... or it would be on another board. But unfortunately, there is one massive, overcentralizing element to this board, and that's the Red Chain Chomp. The Red Chain Chomp rests at the top left side of the board, and he is absolutely busted. Red Chain Chomp gives you 3 dice blocks for a mere 10 coins. The ABSOLUTE FURTHEST away you can be from the Red Chomp is 25 spaces, and do you want to know where that is? on the left side of the board, the space right in front of the Red Chain Chomp doghouse. The ONLY place that you are guaranteed safe on this board is behind a Whomp that apparently Chain Chomps cannot negotiate with... which is ALSO on the left side of the board. The winning strategy for this board, thusly, is to just constantly camp the lefthand side, use the Red Chain Chomp to loop, take out anyone who might be using the same strategy in an 'eye for an eye' kinda way, and only bail if you can earn 2 or more stars in a single go with the red boy. There are some means of escape, and target priority does change depending on the standings and what turn it is, but the Red Chomp is not only a better deal than anything else the board could offer, but allows for the greatest level of movement whilst the Snack orb is active. I love the flavor of this board, the Bowser Time events shake things up perfectly well, and it has Klaptraps in it! I love and will take any Donkey Kong Country reference I can get! I do not think that this is a bad board all the way through, a majority of it is done incredibly smartly and improves a ton on the ideas that MP6 set out. It's just one bad apple ruining the harvest, and unfortunately, it does take a bit of a toll.
Goomba Idols (MP8)
For some reason, underdeveloped island cultures seem to worship Goombas a lot in Mario Party. It happened in Mario Party 6, and now it's happening here. To which I ask: how underdeveloped do you have to BE in order to worship a Goomba? I know these are likely Goomba civilizations or whatever... but also Goombas don't have hands. They can't make statues because they don't have hands. And don't give me any Mario Baseball "they have telepathy" crap; this is Mario Party, it's a lot more serious than an admittedly pretty good Gamecube spin-off. Who made these? Why do they worship Goombas? Why were they CORRECT because apparently these Goomba Idols are possessed ty Goomba Gods (Godbas? Goomods?) and just want you to leave by giving you a star? Questions like these are going to keep me up at night.
Ice Rink Risk (MP3)
One of the better survival games in the series. Is it possible for you to get screwed by shells ricocheting? Possibly, and the way that they bounce off of each other is occasionally a little wonky (sometimes they bounce off, but if one's going at an angle toward another the one going straight will keep going while the angled one will bounce off?), but the fact that it's NOT always consistent makes it a more fun game for adaptation. There are little things you can do to better ensure your survival - shells always spawn toward one of the walls at 15 second intervals, so you can avoid having one drop on your head by going toward the center - but for the most part, it's all situational awareness. Can feel cheap on the occasion, but definitely better than the likes of Bombs Away.
Koopalings
Have never actually been in the Mario Party series. Despite, y'know, Mario Party 1 having exactly seven Baby Bowsers on Eternal Star. Even after their big push post-NSMBWii and especially Smash 4, Larry, Morton, Wendy, Roy, Lemmy, Ludwig, and the ugly one have never been in Mario Party. However, Baby Bowsers WERE renamed to 'Koopa Kids' in Mario Party 4... which then gives us the obnoxious need to distinguish if we're talking about Bowser's kids who aren't actually his kids except Junior who might or might not be a Koopaling at this point or if we're talking about the jobbers from Mario Party.
Goomba's Booty Boardwalk (MP8)
Of the various boards that Mario Party 8 improved upon from Mario Party 7, I don't think that this one's a strong improvement over Pagoda Peak. My main issue comes from the board's length and the method of getting stars. Pagoda Peak's linear board constituted 42 spaces, with tons of events and specific areas in between. Booty Boardwalk adds 19 spaces to that for a total of 61, meaning that the competitive dash to the end is a lot longer and stars are a bit less frequent. This is mitigated somewhat by payable dolphins, which ask for a random amount of money to carry the player forward. This... is basically all the player will be spending their money on, the crux of the board really coming down to getting Thrice or Slowgo Candy, paying off the dolphin, and rolling big. Which is truly unfortunate, because the Goomba Captain at the end just gives out stars for free. In other linear boards, players had the ability to really screw with anyone ahead of them - Mario's Rainbow Castle, Pagoda Peak, Hell, even Shy Guy's Perplex Express in this same game allows for that. Booty Boardwalk, unfortunately, is very much about four players just playing the same, almost independent single-player dice game against each other. Sure, you can use orbs to take coins from players, but getting those intentionally and HOPING a player won't have enough to pay a dolphin when there's no defined threshold is really disappointing. It's a shame, too, because the Happening Spaces are on point here - reintroducing Chucksters from Sunshine is always a fun idea, and the Goomba Pirate Crew blasting you all the way back to start is fantastically nasty. It's a really fun board in concept, but it's just so simple and so... going through the motions.
Cube Crushers (MPDS)
The most superior version of the team 'escape room' concepts. Unlike Hotel Goomba, this baby is not always consistent with spawns, meaning that it's a game of pure adaptation and quick analysis. If behind, there are the ? Ice Blocks that can either freeze you in place or allow you to star-power through the ice maze, which is great. Honestly, this one just feels like a blend of other games, taking out the weak points and making it pretty killer. Ideas seen in Hotel Goomba, Team Treasure Trek, Destruction Duet, Dungeon Duos - all put to the test here. I didn't get to play this one much, but it's honestly one of the hidden gems of mini-games. Real excellent one, no complaints.
Mario Party TV
Was unfamiliar with this channel before now, but have now subbed, thanks! Been looking for more Mario Party content since Alpharad left Friends Without Benefits (just having a 20 minute fix every day was able to carry me through hit-and-miss-and-usually-miss humor), and this seems pretty solid!
Bombs Away
For one of the most classic and iconic games of the series, I am REALLY apathetic on it. Honestly, it's one that I feel is damaged by the time period it was released in - put this in a Gamecube Mario Party and it probably plays much better. As-is, it suffers from the stiffness that a lot of the 3D controls in the N64 Mario Parties had, which just doesn't work great for attempting to avoid and weave through projectiles. Conceptually, it's rock solid, and Mario Party 2 adding the giant Bowser Missile that finishes off every match is great... but sometimes you'll just be focused on the game and a cannonball will hit you when it REALLY feels like it shouldn't. A lot of Mario Party games I do believe that you just have to adapt to weird hitboxes, but due to the claustrophobic nature of Bombs Away, this is one that really just feels like "sometimes you just lose". Which is a shame - the moving platform is fun as an obstacle, and having the added element of cannonballs should really bring this one up higher. The fact that it's a game that doesn't end in a draw, but you can attempt to mess your friends up anyway is also really appealing. But... I don't know. Few games fill me with a greater sense of apathy toward them than Bombs Away.
4 Easy CPU Game
It’s certainly amusing enough. Sometimes, you just wanna kick back, shut your brain off, and place bets with friends in a low-effort game. I find that the style doesn’t have any inherent value, basically needing to be the catalyst for a better game. But sometimes seeing the depths of stupidity is enjoyable enough.
Deluxe Cruise (MP7)
Look, I'm willing to admit that I probably love Mario more than 90% of people. I am also good at finding people who really like Mario. I am totally incapable of finding eight people who, at the same time, would want to play SPECIFICALLY Mario Party 7 out of all the games on the Gamecube, are willing to stop eating Nacho Cheese Doritos long enough to not crust the Gamecube controllers so they'd be okay with each holding half of a controller (where both of them have SUPER awkward controls), and want to invest time into a grid-based ice block progression... thing instead of the board game. Nintendo tried a LOT with expanding multiplayer options, what with the weird online support for just Phantasy Star Online and the LAN connector for Mario Kart Double Dash and whatever the Hell abominations the controls for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles and Zelda: Four Swords Adventures were. This was... yet another weird gimmick. I'd say I don't like it and it's too much effort for how little it adds unlike, say, the Extra Room in 4 or Super Duel Mode in 5, but then I've only played it once and with mostly CPU's.
Baby Bowser
It's very weird to discuss the Mario Party Baby Bowsers. On one hand, he started the naming nightmare that is the difference between the Mario Party species, the baby form of Bowser, and Bowser's son, Bowser Jr. It shouldn't be that confusing, but then they had to make Baby Bowser look JUST LIKE Bowser Jr in Partners in Time, so then these guys were the outliers, except they looked a lot like the Yoshi's Island design of Baby Bowser, but not QUITE like the Yoshi's Story design with a more defined ponytail. There's also the fact that they had every reason to be the Koopalings in Mario Party 1 (you cannot tell me that the resources they used to make Spike Koopa and Fun Guy couldn't have been better used making a horrifying 3D model of Lemmy Koopa) and then just kind of... weren't? And were, like, some big twist where Bowser was revealing his all-new partner in crime, which was basically Bowser revealing he could make little Cell Jr's who were a fourth as competent as he was, I guess.
This puts Baby Bowser in a really weird spot - his existence is annoying, but he's actually pretty amusing in his futility... at least, half of the time. Baby Bowser is an idiot, accidentally giving you 5 coins at random, mistaking you for Bowser when you're wearing a suit to the point where he'll just give you ALL of his money no problem, and being the absolute most worthless partner in Duel Mode, he gives you a crapton of Skeleton Keys because he wants to be your friend if you tell him you don't clean your room. He is BAD at being the force that Bowser is... and that kind of makes him endearing. Baby Bowser is never really any kind of threat unless Bowser involves himself, but Bowser is so big of a presence that Baby Bowser is almost, almost relevant. I really like his function in 2, essentially to be a check to deter players from following a star too closely when someone's got a positional lead, as well as to potentially put the screws to a player who just got a star by using the Bowser Bomb. His shop in 3 is by FAR better than Toad's, but his items often have weird implementations where poisoning yourself or calling Bowser on yourself tends to be the better option than intending to throw them at your opponent. He's an impressively endearing exercise in futility and foil to Bowser that kinda gets lost with Koopa Kid. He's not consistent, and has more bad than good... but I still like him in spite of it.
Chilly Waters (MP3)
Another board to add to our "good boards ruined by a single gimmick" list. This time, it's the frozen lake in the center of the board. Unfortunately, this one damages it quite a lot in my eyes. The central hub is over a frozen lake; if two people are on it at the same time, the ice shatters and they're forced onto a little path that goes to start. This has the potential to be interesting, as it forces a lot of Duel Games... but unfortunately, the lake has a second gimmick. Any time a player tries to exit the lake, they have to walk up a steep incline, with a chance of them slipping on the ice. No matter how large their roll was, their turn ends there, potentially shattering the ice if they were just trying to pass through. I may seem like a hypocrite, praising the 50/50 junctions of Bowser's Magma Mountain and decrying this board for doing something very similar, but I find the way it's done in this board and the expansive movement options of Mario Party 3 to make it SO much more limiting here than it is there. In essence, this makes the preferred method of getting around the board walking around the perimeter and using the Reverse Mushroom to get into pathways that would normally only be accessible from the lake. This is long and boring unless using Mushrooms, which takes away any desire to go into the lake in the first place; if you're gonna roll big with items, you're not going to want your big roll cut short by falling on your face. This is supposed to be alleviated somewhat by the snowballs triggered by happening spaces, acting kinda like DK's Jungle Adventure's boulders to push you around the map, but more flexible as you can time a button press to avoid it, keeping you from going down an unwanted path. The issue is that the snowballs can come from one of two angles, and if you're on the top path (or pay Mr. Blizzard to toss a snowball), it's random as to which direction the snowball will go in. The combination of these two factors makes the snowball unwieldy at the best of times and a non-factor or actively beneficial to opponents at the worst. It's just not worth it to toss a snowball compared to saving coins for items.
I don't necessarily hate Chilly Waters, but I feel like the way in which it gates Mario Party 3's best aspect - freedom of movement on the board - behind RNG checks is consistently obnoxious. There's just nothing particularly interesting you can do with a lot of it compared to the other boards in 3, and that leads to a lot of dead turns with little interesting happening, as well as probably the second-least Boo interaction in the game (Waluigi's Island coming in first for having a TRUE 50/50 guard Boo). Anything it does is just done better by another board, and the individual elements it presents don't add up to much. When I first played this game as a child, this board followed by Deep Bloober really made me feel that 3 was the weakest in the series. Later boards, fortunately, rectified that and showed just how deep and enjoyable 3's item game could be, but this capitalizes on none of that while being a rather boring theme as a whole.
Conveyor Bolt (MP6)
I really love the day/night implementation here. Choosing who gets to drop the lightning bolts and who runs away based on the time of day is a GREAT call. 1v3 mini-games tend to be the most imbalanced, so shifting that imbalance depending on the time of day sounds really great! Unfortunately... it's imbalanced toward the team of 3 in both time zones. Whilst the bolts are smaller for the team of three, it's still incredibly easy to make the single player make ONE mistake in the time limit or fall for one bait before getting fried. It's very similar to MP4's Tree Stomp, where the single player has the theoretical advantage, but needs very little to screw up. When the single-player gets to be Zeus, only dropping one bolt at a time is just too slow, most teams able to very easily maneuver around it in spite of the moving floor and spike traps. The vehicles are just not meant for dropping 1 or 3 at a time and keeping it balanced. Still, amazing way to turn the game on its head.
Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival
This isn’t really a game so much as it is an excuse to see cute events happen in the Animal Crossing world. And, to its credit, the game does nail that Animal Crossing feeling pretty well. Cute things happen, it’s got a quirky sense of humor with a semi-defeatist undercurrent toward the maintenance of everyday life tied up nicely with a humorous quip of “nah, going bankrupt isn’t THAT bad, I can eat from the trees, dude!” or something. It is very, very acceptably cute.
… do I need to tell you why this is going in last? I feel like that’s plainly evident. The fact that it’s the most obvious ploy for quick cash Nintendo’s ever tossed out while their ship was sinking faster than Smash DLC hype this year? That you have to tap the amiibo every damn time you want to move somewhere, which is obnoxious and ruins most comfortable party set-ups? The fact that nothing you do really matters compared to getting lucky on turnip prices? The fact that once you see most of the events, there’s absolutely nothing left for you? The fact that everyone has the exact same strategy and it’s just up to who rolls better to see who gets more happiness points? At least it had an island survival mode? Y’know, the thing that would be turned into an actual video game that people enjoyed? I guess, in that way, it was the prototype for happiness?
Competing For Last
I’ve done it before, and I don’t find it that fun. Usually, all it amounts to is having a house rule that you say ‘yes’ to every star and will steal at Boo when possible. This leads to a LOT of games where you wander around in circles and waste money on Warp Blocks and Skeleton Keys all the time. There are ways to tune it to work, but I’m not that big of a fan. There are a LOT more interesting challenges you can do with Mario Party. One of my favorites is trying to get someone ELSE to win, especially if it’s an Easy CPU, trying to have enough to sabotage other players whilst not getting TOO far ahead. Or everyone changing what character they’re playing as whenever someone gets a star, based on a rotation system. Compared to those, just getting last isn’t quite as appealing.
Mushroom Jeanie
First off, really strong naming by the translation team here. Turn the less competent genie into an I Dream of Jeanie reference in order to illustrate how much weaker her wishes are? Really great shorthand there. Unfortunately, we've got some problems. Jeanie is sporting an utterly hideous color combo of radioactive green, eggplant, and brighter purple with her yellow accents in ALL the wrong places so that it's constantly contrasting with her green. None of the swagger of her bro's watermelon pants. Second, she goes "Fine! Whatever!" when you ask her to move the star. Tsunderes are the weakest of the waifu groups (without a ton of time and dedication to make winning them over but they just can't get over their pride super worth it), and whilst the Mario series has lacked one, I really doesn't feel it needs one? Maybe some Wadaisy or something would work as that. Also her magic is just paintbrushing the Millennium Star and he, wisely not wanting ANY of that, bails immediately. On a more serious note, Tweester and Chomp Call were a lot more effective star-movers, no matter how cool it was to essentially have rival lamps in shops, and this girl just carries no swagger.
Rosalina
I don't like Rosalina playable. I'm just very much not a fan of the direction her character has gone for years, and her appearing in Mario Party just doesn't feel right for what her character is. Mario Kart Wii? Fine, sure, that's a cute tie-in to Galaxy. Smash Bros? I mean, Junior really should've been in first, and it's debatable on how much impact the Galaxy games had outside of, ironically, introducing her, but fine. She's about on the Skull Kid and Vaati tier of "relevant", but whatever. But then golf, tennis, and parties? The Mario universe did something really cool with Rosalina, creating a goddess character who expanded the lore and mystique of the franchise, who essentially knew more than all of the other characters within it, was more important, and allowed for really unique opportunities. Her appearing at the end of Galaxy 2 was a treat, it was a reward to see her. Even 3D World played with this a bit - I don't love her being playable and handling like everyone else but with a double jump, but it's cute, it fits her role of being 'above' by being a reward for clearing the first bonus world. But over time, she has really just become another princess, complete with her own baby form, and that's eroded the mystique of the character to just be "another Mario princess". Pauline feels more distinct than Rosalina did.
I try to separate my feelings on the character from how they appear in Mario Party (otherwise DK would be much higher than simply the third-highest playable character), but Rosalina is SUCH a no-brainer host for the series to determine who a "super star" would be. She is a far better antithesis to Bowser than Donkey Kong or Toad are, could have Luma as her playable representative, gives an EASY Comet Observatory board (I know there's a cameo in Island Tour but it's not much of anything), and still gets to retain her character. As a playable character, she's just largely the least interesting of the girls other than being real tall. Peach has the whole regality angle and 'talking down to you', Daisy's got the sass, Toadette's got the cute, and Pom Pom's there if you want a girl who's not a princess in Super. She doesn't even have a great dice block at +2, +2, 2, 3, 4, 8. Sure, you've got a big number and farming potential, but then you've got piddly numbers in the middle with absolutely no consistency. Plus coins on dice blocks are worthless compared to just being 0's, but there aren't enough 0's on the block to make it consistent enough to be worth it, and she's STILL weaker than DK as a coin farmer. I understand liking Rosalina as a character and picking her, but she's got no unique elements that make her stand out as a partier unless you have some Galaxy nostalgia or think she's hot. And she deec, but I expect more than an attractive body from my virtual party game avatars!
The Miracle Book (MP6)
While I like this as a cute snapshot of progress, I'm not a fan of its implementation. Essentially, this is the replacement for the game's story - you fill up a book with cute sprites of mini-games in a Donkey Kong Country Returns Diorama kinda way. The issue is... each page costs stars to fill it. Stars that could be used on Toadette or Super Hard difficulty or Clockwork Castle. Mario Party single-player was interesting in that you usually got one more, cool board for doing it. In this game, doing the "single-player" is now at the cost of the cool board and bonuses. Kinda makes it a more worthless afterthought that makes it feel like 6 barely has any story at all, to be honest.
Snowball Summit (MP3)
Bumper Balls without soul. This is.a really strong game conceptually, taking a snowball fight to its logical extreme, but balance issues prevent it from being great. A large snowball is a one-hit knockout to anyone, but that snowball can be destroyed by a snowball of any other size. When the game is reduced to a 1v1, this severely reduces the amount of options available to players, as anyone who tries to go for the big knockout will likely bump their giant ball against a tiny one, creating an impregnable defense. However, due to the slowed speed of the mini-game since you have to start immobile to make a snowball, you can't constantly juke and bait like you can in Bumper Balls. Is there still opportunity in this game to politics? Yes, but the nature of the game and how large the snowballs get make it much harder to bully specific players out of contention, and due to the presence of Game Guy and pretty much all of the coin mini-games being huge upticks in coin advantage instead of just Quicksand Cache and Whack-A-Plant (and the 1v3's in Mario Party 1 but we don't talk about those, everyone hates whoever benefits from them by default), the odds of needing a 10 coin boost for a big play are lower than other games - that's just the nature of the snowballing (ha) nature of Mario Party 3. Give it a few tweaks (like a small snowball reducing a large one's size by half or something) and it's a good competitive mini-game, as-is it's a casual favorite with less punch than its previous ball-based predecessor.
Luigi's Engine Room (MP1)
When did Luigi get an engineering degree? Why does he have a flying ship? It does say a lot that, at this point in his career (16 or so years in), Luigi still had so little of a personality that the idea for his board was just "uhhhhh... vaguely related to the Mario Bros arcade game I guess?".. but none of it's really good. Failure to define Green Mario aside, this board kinda sucks. The main gimmick is alternating blue and red doors, which change every turn, when a player lands on a Happening Space, or when you pay a weird piston-man 20 coins to manually change it. These doors... suck, quite frankly. Only the initial encounter really gives you a choice on whether to try and stall for a better pattern or just press your luck, otherwise there are just too few spaces between doors to implement any sort of strategy. Being in a position to turn the doors in a way that denies an opponent is very rare, especially considering the 20 coin cost for doing so being rarely worth it. But worst of all is the top, left corner of the board. I mean, look at this junk.
https://i.gyazo.com/1cfb6c759d553f4009ff800eb846bbbc.png
In order to access it, you need to roll big enough to pass through two blue doors in one roll. But if you land on those two Happening Spaces, you're blasted to the area above. But if you low roll, you're guaranteed to leave through the red door next turn. Oh, but what if you want to escape? Well too bad, going through the blue door leads you to 13 straight spaces, meaning that you could be locked in that loop for a VERY long time unless you manage to steam pipe outta there. Oh, and of COURSE two star spawns are in this incredibly difficult to access area. I… don’t need to elaborate on why putting a star spawn in a place that requires you land on a stretch of two Happening Spaces when you have no control over your rolls is bad, right? The fact that all pipes on the board lead to Boo is interesting, at least, and makes for a very competitive game… if it ever gets off the ground. Engine Room has the potential to be the worst star-gathering board in the game, by far. And the crazy thing is, it’s only bad in the context of Mario Party 1 - add in MP2 or 3’s item suite, and suddenly you have a really interesting board with a lot of unique potential item strategy. But for where it is, it’s a board where 90% of choices don’t matter and everyone gets to sit around and trade coin steals with Boo until they pass Koopa enough to pass around two or three stars. An unfortunate casualty of the early experimental days of Mario Party, but this is probably the last board I’d want to play in a 35-turn format for MP1.
Bowser Revolution (MP1)
Bowser Revolution is an interesting juxtaposition to the otherwise brutal MP1 Bowser Space. Almost all other options all negative to a player who lands on it - even the mini-games tend to be rigged against them. The only exceptions are Bowser’s Chance Time, which is truly random, and the Bowser Revolution. I don’t know who decided to give Bowser clear communist overtones, but how over-the-top Bowser is in his desire to “toil for equality” is pretty fantastic, and the event itself is always a game changer. But due to being included only in the normally purely negative Bowser (along with the very rare and neutral gold options where Bowser just runs away), revolution has become a really beloved mechanic. You’re never really MAD at getting screwed over by Revolution, as it rarely reduces the coin leader’s position by such a significant degree that they can no longer make plays (aside from maybe a star steal early in a game), but it puts players who are either suffering or have just made big plays back in the game. It’s not quite an equalizer so much as it is a granter of opportunities, and all dependent on if Bowser is feeling like a merciful god that day.
Bowser Phone (MP3)
I love this item. It’s not better than what you can get at the Baby Bowser Shop - Reverse Mushroom and Boo Bell are almost always better pulls when possible - but damn is it fun! The phone gives you the ability to call Bowser on whoever you’d like, basically lying to him in order to trick him in an awesome bit of flavor. This can really screw with your lawful good friends, because of moments like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN-OWjCk-Nw#t=35m52s
Human beings are truly precious. Regardless of that unintended consequence, the Bowser Phone is one of the most flexible combo pieces in the game. While it is true that Bowser is not random in MP3, that can be used to both your advantage and disadvantage. Pressuring a player into Bowser (or using him on a player who doesn’t know they can time their button presses/are bad at timing his roulette) can still have the intended effect of screwing them over, but the phone also basically guarantees strong combo plays. Run out of coins or lose them all on Game Guy? Bowser Phone is perfect insurance, just call Big Daddy Bowser to bankroll you and pay off your gambling debts. Call him on yourself and see if you can’t get a Revolution going - at worst, you can always just target one of the gold options and call it a wash. Bowser Phone is a risky combo extender that tests your knowledge of the game and is just fun to use. Not the greatest item, and not as strong as it could be in other Mario Party at being pure chaos, but man is it amusing. And I like fun.
Bubba the Fish (MP1)
Love him. Playing off of the natural fear engendered by Boss Bass in Mario 3 (and I guess the fish from Tiny-Huge Island in Mario 64) is a great concept, plays with Mario's "stay out of the ocean water" theme pretty strongly. I also love that apparently he's just paid off by Bowser, as he refuses to vore the Koopa King and spits Toad out in the same spot every time, but it's credited as "Bubba's trick". He came up with this scheme to get Bowser more money and is reaping the benefits, what a guy. He also has probably the funniest "4th place doesn't get to celebrate" animation, where he just eats them and carries their soulless model in his mouth while everyone just watches. Absolutely the element that makes Yoshi's Tropical Island what it is, and far better than other fish that eat you on the N64!
Aliens (MP5-7)
I mean, they certainly WORK as an original design and fit in with the Mario universe, but I just don't see a reason for their existence. Jelectro was already a jellyfish-shaped Mario enemy that coulda filled their prerequisite, there was a space world in Super Mario Land 2, and while The Thousand-Year Door would be about a year off, by Mario Party 6 the X-Nauts and Shroobs were a thing if they wanted to have some kinda outer space-based continuity, which isn't all that much of a stretch considering that the Star Spirits and Whacka showed up. I just don't really get the point of these designs, I guess - they're inoffensive, but they really don't do or add anything to the Mario universe as a whole, except I guess MAYBE inspire Squirps from Super Paper Mario? A character who spends half of his screen time wanting to poop really badly? They also kinda just... move people to other spaces and that's it? Really low-key and tame for aliens.
DK Rap
Absolute perfection. In my opinion, no intro has done a better job setting the tone of the game before it quite like the DK Rap. Donkey Kong 64 is a game entirely carried by its personality (because the level design and gameplay sure as Hell aren't going to carry it), and by having the main cast go through this goofy, over-the-top rap sequence like they're a bunch of drunk theater majors in college is pretty fantastic. The rhyme scheme actually works really well (aside from the need to have pineapple "smells" for whatever reason), and exceeds Gruntilda's previously established rhyming ability. Each Kong's personality is incredibly well displayed, even showing Diddy's cockiness and overconfidence engendered from his success in Donkey Kong Country 2. Lanky Kong is beloved almost ENTIRELY because of his verse, the cinematography on Tiny killing the Klaptrap while shrunken down is almost neat enough to distract everyone from the fact that she isn't Dixie, DK remains the best, and Chunky is an absolute delight throughout, being a goofball trying to stand out but failing and falling on his face at almost every turn. Is it just cornball fun and not objectively great music? Yeah, obviously, but why would you hate fun? Because you're "above" it and want a transcendent experience? Then why are you playing Donkey Kong 64? The rap is intensely memorable, incredibly catchy, and sets up its game far better than any other introductory sequence (Bioshock and Silent Hill 2 are close, but can only sniff at the cinematic brilliance of DK64). If I were held at gunpoint and asked to recite a song of three minutes or more perfectly or perish, first of all that's an incredibly specific gunman, but this is the song with the best chance of keeping me alive. Utter cinematic brilliance that would not be fair to rank because of how bad it would make everything else look by comparison.
Being The Party Star (MP4)
I mean... it's kind of a terrible thing, isn't it? The plot of Mario Party 4 is that it's one of the Mario cast's birthdays, and they're throwing a giant party. However, the person whose birthday it is has to EARN all of their gifts by defeating their friends and Waluigi in games. And then the hosts are like "well you beat your friends... but now you must defeat ME or else I WILL TAKE YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT". Imagine being given a present by your parent, and then they tear it out of your hands and reveal and obstacle course in the backyard, complete with an alligator pit and flaming hoops, saying you have to run the course within 30 seconds or you'll never get your precious DVD copy of Spy Kids 2. Now imagine they invite your friends over to run the course, and one of your friends gets declared the Party Star over you at your own birthday. That is the horrible existentialist nightmare of the Party Star. Also kind of a huge downgrade from "getting your own theme park" to "the chosen greatest being in the universe" to "the best at Double Dare physical challenges at a birthday party".
Toy Dream (MP5)
Honestly, not a horribly designed board. There are constant junctions to hedge bets on where star spawns will end up, tons of Blue Spaces to lay capsule traps on, Happening Spaces all either take you to a different location or give you a ton of coins, and the one that gives you a ton of coins is guarded by a wall of three that take you on a different pathway. There's an odd design choice where two Capsule Machines are within six spaces of each other, meaning that capsules are loaded up REALLY fast, but considering Mario Party 5 is at its most fun when it's most chaotic and you're just trying to survive, that's really not a huge deal. The amount of junctions also increases the number of spaces you can throw to, since MP5 only lets you throw capsules forward for some reason, allowing for actually being able to use the damn things for preventative plays. The amount of junctions lead to a bunch of high star-count games due to the relative lack of spaces to be traversed in a given area, but that also makes it very interesting in team games, where individual members can spread out and better anticipate where a star will show up. Honestly, the flaws in this map just come from those of Mario Party 5 itself - no Boo lets things snowball out of control incredibly quickly, and even though the Chain Chomp capsule exists, it's still a random event at best or a tiny chance of landing on a space at worst. Strategy could really come unto its own if orbs weren't distributed randomly. Movement through the board could be really impactful if you could actually target the Happening Spaces that take you on the train around the board. Plug this into Mario Party 6 and maybe add a few more spaces, and you have a really fun, interesting board. As-is, it's about as good as can be for Mario Party 5, and can be fun as a chaotic 'turn off your brain' board when enough capsules get laid down, but can't really exceed that.
Also apparently this board had enough of a banger soundtrack to be the ONLY song from Mario Party remixed in DDR Mario Mix?
Evidently, Mario is the superstar.
Block Star
Dang, I didn't realize that this one had appeared in so many games! 6, DS, and Top 100, damn! Whilst this is a more flexible puzzle game and ultimately more fun than Mario's Puzzle Party, it's still not one that I'm entirely in love with. It's essentially a "match five" game in the style of Puyo Puyo or Tetris Attack, but with far more simplified mechanics, being able to pick up any block and drop it into an empty space, allowing for any combination of five adjacent (though not diagonal) blocks to apply. The issue is the sheer flexibility that you have with the blocks; being able to pluck out an unfavorable one and put it into a better spot makes defensive play way too easy. Adapting to bad moves is the thrill of single-player games like Tetris and Tetris Attack, making the best of what you have. By making it so easy, it makes chains a lot less desirable than just keeping the status quo, and while they certainly ARE possible to make, the awkward shaping and slow pace makes them a lot more work than they'd usually be. This is exacerbated in the versus mode, which is just WAY too kind with its garbage blocks. Garbage can only be created by special blocks, which either dump a couple pieces on top or add a single row to the bottom of a player's stack. These are just too infrequent compared to the combo-based aggression of games like Tetris and Puyo. The fact that they're so easy to work around by just yanking blocks to other places and that it's too difficult to stack them one after the other makes them negligible, and are more based on your opponent floundering than you succeeding. The game does have an interesting mechanic, where it's based not on reaching the top but on spending too long at a certain threshold (which, now that I think about it, is just Tetris Attack but less tense because it's not pushing against the top and freezing the block animations), but that's more to compensate for the game's overall slow pace. I know "ooh big man, picking on a Mario Party mini-game for not being some of the greatest puzzle games of all time". But if you're a unique mini-game outside of board play and you're selling yourself on being a puzzler, that's what you're going against. It's not bad, just underwhelming and far more defensive than I'd like.
Bowser Cake
That's not even a cake. Bowser just took a man's clothes, home, or the shell of one of his family members, poured some frosting on it, and put a candle on top and said "here ya go". Some would say that Bowser selling you an inedible cake is great, perfectly in-character. And they'd be right... but also Bowser is a monster. Cakes are a pure form of happiness expressed through equal chemic and culinary joys. Bowser ruins that happiness by choice, and in fact mass produces his facsimiles of indulgence for all to suffer from. If you are making art that looks like food, there is no reason to not make it edible - torturing one sense for the pleasure of another is never an equal trade. Thusly, it is evil. Though not as evil as The Top 100 or Amiibo Festival.
Garden Battle (MP9)
I like nonstandard means of tracking your progress! This is a pretty fun mini-game shuffle mode, players needing to fill out a 5x5 grid with plants that come in various shapes, getting to choose one of four arrangements based on the other they win mini-games in. This allows for some clever attempts to try to prevent a player from growing too significant of a lead by taking the exact arrangement they need, but ensures that eternal gatekeeping is difficult as, on most turns, players will be able to add more and more to their gardens, and the combinations of blocks grow smaller to accommodate the fewer spaces available. Mario Party 9 is MUCH stronger in mini-games than it is board design, presentation, or... well, much of anything else, so it's good to have a strong mode to represent it. Really fun, one of the game's true high points.
E. Gadd's Garage (MP6)
Man, why isn't E. Gadd playable in Mario Party, or at least used as a host more? Hell, why isn't he playable in ANYTHING? The guy absolutely oozes personality and has hilarious and potentially annoying voice clips aplenty to spam! In any case, E. Gadd's Garage is the good version of a bunch of mediocre boards (and Space Land), fused into one for the convenience of never having to play either again!. Junctions are plentiful, very similar to Toy Dream, and Happening Spaces give the option of movement to specific areas, making them obstacles in a Space Land-esque way on conveyor belts or great movement options to be targeted in the case of the teleporters, with a consistent route to memorize ala Eternal Star & Future Dream. The day/night cycle rotates the center junction to move in different directions, putting the similar route-changing mechanic in Luigi's Engine Room to shame. All of these scattered ideas from across the series come together in order to make a really interesting, functional map.
But then it dials it up to 11 by having the absolute BEST Happening Spaces in the entire series. Already, movement options have been discussed with the conveyors and teleporters, but Gadd is not at all content to limit his inventions to mere movement, oh no! The fan in the top left is used as a kind of surrogate Big Boo, sucking wealth from every player as they have to desperately mash out of its vortex, coins flying to the lucky recipient. As it's much easier to access this than Big Boo in Horror Land, this can cause consistent chaos. However, it is mitigated somewhat by the Gadd Shuffle-o-Tron. This machine, depending on if it's day or night, can either change all of your orbs into new ones or refund them for their shop price to the player. If a player is down on cash, this could be an exceptional, cheap way to recycle some random drops and turn them into future investments. But of course, these pale in comparison to the Gadd Calamity Launcher. By paying E Gadd coins, he will just shoot out orbs all over the place, up to 5 orbs for 90 coins, all of them for whoever paid him off. This is a HUGE advantage, especially for longer games, as it, at minimum, doubles the orb output of the player for a game (whilst not adding to the Orb Star, admittedly). This creates the chaos Mario Party 5's maps WANT to give off, but in a way with strategic value, and comboing so well by being directly after the Gadd Shuffletron. And the best part is how well all of these combo with the newly-introduced Sluggish Shroom, which gives you a great option: do you go for a guaranteed big roll, or do you target a Happening Space in order to get a bigger lead on Action Star (which is a dumb name for the Happening Star - I like being happening) AND get a benefit that could be incredibly useful, but could just be a nice bonus? I love that kind of thinking and finding a way to highlight a movement option, and E. Gadd's Garage does it so well. Definitely one of the standout boards of the Gamecube Mario Parties, if not the entire series.
2003
2003 is a lot like 2013 in that there's probably one BIG video game that came out for it that everyone will point to, (Star Wars: KOTOR and The Last Of Us, respective) and then a bunch of "love or hate" games leading to a super uneven year. You've got a fantastic set of Gamecube racing games to choose from, with a choice of Kirby Air Ride, F-Zero GX, or Mario Kart: Double Dash to pick a favorite of and hate at least one of. Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow was out there secretly being the best available Metroidvania for a while, with Fire Emblem and Advance Wars 2 propping up the GBA as fantastic strategy games that everyone forgets about when discussing games they love unless they had a crush on Lyn or Sami, and Superstar Saga also existed to start a series that might or might not ever top it depending on how well you tolerate Bowser's Inside Story's gimmicks (I don't very well as I had weak lungs at the time of playing and couldn't beat some Giant Bowser sections). Viewtiful Joe happened and was forgotten about as soon as Okami came out two years later and became emblematic of that studio. Silent Hill 3 and Fatal Frame II sat around and ate up all of the scraps of love and acclaim that Eternal Darkness and Silent Hill 2 left for them. Disgaea was a thing and was great before it was utterly run into the ground and now I can't even keep track of which version of Disgaea is "the good one". Mario Party 5 came out and decided to be the worst one for some reason, in spite of not having to try all that hard to be better than Mario Party 4. KotoR was REALLY good at establishing a universe for Obsidian to pick up and make better, Jak II was REALLY good at sucking all of the life and charm out of its flawed original, Final Fantasy X-2 was REALLY good at putting girls in less outfits, and then DOAX showed up and was like "hold my beer". Ratchet Going Commando was there to keep steadily improving that series from "a'ight" to "great", and Beyond Good and Evil and Sands of Time came out so that everyone could either universally praise or totally ignore them.
Really a mixed bag of a year. There are some classics that COULD be favorites, but nothing that particularly stands out as incredible. A shocking about of "AA" games instead of blockbusters, which is a rarity that the industry has almost entirely grown out of. I used to view this as a weak year for games, but looking back, it's more a cozy one, the industry settling in and gearing up for the huge releases that 2004 would bring whilst the B-teams get to flex their muscles. Insofar as stopgap years go, this one's got a lot more strength than 2013 or 2014, for sure.
Leaf Leap (MP5)
What I like about Leaf Leap is that it's basically the Shy Guy Says of platforming. You have a binary choice of "jump up" or "jump to the other side". You jump up, you either go to the next leaf or waste the time you would've otherwise spent jumping. You jump to the side, you either go to the next leaf or fall all the way down to where the last leaf on that side spawned, making it a huge risk. This makes it feel like a reaction game with catch-up; constantly testing your reactions and trying to break the focus of those next to you. It is the absolute perfect game to compete for high scores on, as you FEEL every mistake, and the satisfaction of passing the golden leaf (the marker of the highest point you've reached) is sooooo nice. It's the limitations that make this game shine as a twitch reflex game.
What Goes Up - Daytime (MP6)
Yeah Leaf Leap wins. You need very specific limitations on platforming games in Mario Party to make them work, and that comes from a risk/reward of thinking if the risk of jumping toward a moving platform at the end of its cycle is worth it. Lift Leapers is a great example of this. Awful Tower is a mediocre example of this. What Goes Up is... unfortunately not a very good example. Whilst it's nice to have a cloud every few dozen meters to have a safe place to climb to, Paratroopas are just not very good platforms. Due to being rounded enemies, their hitboxes are just a bit unclear, and needing to jump from moving Paratroopa to moving Paratroopa just doesn't feel as clean with how floaty and slippery Mario Party characters can be. Add in that it just doesn't LOOK right for certain characters like Waluigi and Boo to be performing as they are due to universal playable character hitboxes, and it's just a bit uncomfortable. Not a bad game per say, but one where floundering feels like less your fault and more Paratroopa's.
Accidentally Hitting Start During Rotation Mini-Games (MP1)
Again, the N64 controller was built by demons who enjoy the pain of others and hilarity. It is actually, and rather often, NOT someone's fault if they bash the start button on accident during a rotation. Everyone will groan and be in pain and it'll be hilarious because everyone is equally disadvantaged. However, this is far less innocent than other accidents, and opens up an annoying Pandora's Box where of course SOMEONE is going to hit that button again to be hilarious, or because their palm needs a break, and then the joke stops becoming funny and it's a witch hunt. And a less fun one than witch hunts usually are.
Mini-Mega Hammer (MP4)
This SHOULD be the redeeming item for the Mini-Mega System. An item that forces a player to either be Mini or Mega, used at the player's discretion, ready to absolutely ruin someone's day, AND it's only 10 coins! Unfortunately, it serves as a very poor substitute for the Poison Mushroom and Reverse Mushroom it's functionally replacing. For one, it cannot target the player who uses it, only an opponent, so it's already less flexible than its "negative" predecessors and fails to be the "two for the price of one" item it touts itself as. Secondly, the MiniMega Hammer works on a roulette system, meaning you have to properly time your A press or win a coin flip in order to get your desired result. I do not remember how fast this roulette goes, but that's because no one ever used this item because item shops are spread so thin in MP4 that the only things people ever got were Super Megas, Super Minis if the star was in a REALLY inconvenient location, Crystal Balls, Gaddlights, and Magic Lamps. Add in the fact that it's super situational AND can benefit your opponent if they go Mega (they skip board events like stars, sure, but they still roll double and get 10 coins from anyone they pass) and it's a good idea of an item that's just not worth its cheap investment compared to just holding onto your coins.
Bowser Tube (MP1)
Actively hilarious, probably the second-best of Bowser's Bogus Items. Perfectly relates to the story situation at hand, has the brutal cost of 30 coins, and just the comment of "have you gotten fatter?!" from Bowser is the icing on the cake. Like WOW, man, way to say it in the rudest way possible after trying to shove both of DK's biceps through it. YTI Bowser is one of the best, and has one of the best items to boot.
Stamp By Me (MP6)
Cake Factory, but excellent. That's oversimplifying the game a bit, but I love games where you have to account for your character's recovery window. It's like a basic fighting game challenge turned into an endurance match, and gets people REAL pissed off that you always win at Totem Pole Pound despite it looking like a tie because you know the frame that DK can jump again on. Stamp By Me's that, but with adaptation, creating a rhythm between two conveyors of different speeds. Are there ways to improve the game? Yeah, making it a survival game based on reaching a certain, ever-growing threshold might've kept it more competitive, but then it wouldn't have worked as well as a battle game. It's one of those great, simple, replayable games where you curse yourself for missing just one. I do think the MP3 "hammer reaction time" game is better, but it's fun.
ND-Cube
The second google search for this is "ND-Cube Ruined Mario Party", so you're in good hands here. Do I think that's necessarily true? Well, I absolutely believe they have no sense of board design and are relying, essentially, on constant gimmicks to make boards appealing, thus greatly reducing the shelf life of the series. However, they're pretty great at designing mini-games that often use a variety of enemies from the Mario series in fun ways, make pretty charming animations for their characters, and made Bowser Party, which is excellent. They're trying a lot of new ideas, and not all of them are sticking. I find it hard to hate a company unless they're actively evil, and even then it's easier to usually blame one studio head or individual. They've put out more misses than hits, and Top 100 was actively a scummy game, but they definitely do care about the franchise and are looking for clever, creative ways to present it. Incompetence isn't as bad as negligence to me. Plus they made an adequate F-Zero game.
MISS Music (MP1)
Eight notes of objective, absolute failure. The way that it slowly gets more discordant with every couplet before the late note wavers like it's ashamed of itself... mwah, beautiful. The way that the fade pairs perfectly with every character's failure line? Masterful. It's hard for me to choose whether this or the Game Guy Loss theme is stronger, probably this compositionally, but Game Guy just has all the bells and whistles.
Rocket Rascals (MPDS)
It's a really interesting mode, but not my absolute favorite of the competitive Mario Party modes. I like the idea of competing for random bridge pieces to get to the center of a grid, and capitalizing on your opponent getting pieces you can either block off or take advantage of, but it's just a little... slow for my liking? A well-made bridge being totally blocked off by an unsavory piece is pretty hilarious, but it does serve to prolong what's already a pretty dang long mode. It's a good idea, it just moves a bit too slowly for me. Not so much a diversion as it is a replacement for a full board... which considering this is Mario Party DS, isn't a terrible idea.
Sexy Bowser (MP3)
I wish he appeared every time you used the Bowser Phone, like you're giving him a house call and he's just READY. It's such a fun touch that randomly gives Bowser a ton of personality. I'm kind of amazed that when Bowsette was a huge thing, this pose wasn't redrawn ALL over the place. I'm sure SOMEONE did it, but it seems like such an obvious extension of that meme. Not that you can improve on perfection, of course. I just wish I knew what the odds are of getting the pose and what triggers it, I want to amaze people with my knowledge of the odds of Bowser being hot for me.
Text Speed Option
There should only be two text speeds: the default, which should be 'fast', and then 'instant'. I am glad that it exists, as players should be able to feel like they're upping the text speed for games like this, otherwise no matter how fast it is, they'll feel it's too slow because the option just isn't there. But only lazy people and monsters play it on anything but 'fast' and true horrors play it on 'slow'.
Plush Crush (MPDS)
It's a fun game that ends up as a much more balanced version of Tree Stomp from Mario Party 4. Three players try to crush a single player underneath various plushes, unable to move their plushes past other crane arms or on top of other plushes. It's a simple game and an inventive concept, but it's another one of the 'dodge' games where I just find it too easy for the single player. This really just comes down to the bottom screen grid; dodging objects on a top down and judging distance from there is MUCH easier than doing so in 3D space. The soliton radar in the first two Metal Gear Solids works very similarly, and it's just so easy to read movement to dodge things. CAN you corner the single player? Yes, but that requires a ton of coordination that often doesn't happen in the scant 30 seconds that players have to crush with plushes. One of more than a few games that's actually damaged a bit by the hardware, but surprisingly not one damaged purely by gimmicks.
Duel Via Last 5 Turns Event
Honestly, this ends up being more of an accident than it is intentional, at least most of the time. Stuff like the cannons on Pirate Land, the space cops on Space Land, Mystery Land in general, the ice in Chilly Waters, the quicksand in Spiny Desert - basically board gimmicks were the reason that these happened, and they tended to be more of a waste of time than something that you could bank on and strategize with. So for most of its life, dueling via landing on the same space wasn't all that great.
Mario Party 6 said "screw that, I'm going to make this the most intense thing ever". Not only did Mario Party 6 allow the option to duel for Stars, it introduced the Sluggish Shroom so that you could target specific spaces. Suddenly, dueling someone for all they were worth wasn't just a viable strategy, it was an incredible gamble, turning the Last Five Turns from "I hope the roulette picks something cool" and talking about who Koopa Troopa or Bowser think will win for, like, a turn into a hectic game of keep away. Sure, some duels could end up being luck based, but could you really take the chance of being paired up in an unfavorable match-up and losing a Star just like that? 7 reverted this into duel rewards being randomized, and that's just not NEARLY as fun as the absolute chaos that 6 could provide. Generally, this feature has been adequate to annoying, but for one, shining moment, it was absolutely king.
Hedge Honcho (MPDS)
... yeah not gonna lie that's a pretty amazing pun. Honestly, the perspective in this mini-game is really cool, pushing leaves out of the way in a first-person view, really sells the shrunken-down aspect of Mario Party DS. However, I will admit that I find "move the stylus in a direction" less engaging than I do pushing the proper button at the right time. Your hand always resets to the same position with the stylus, and you can see what direction you're gonna have to push a leaf in next just due to the way the leaves are layered, making the whole process feel a lot more rhythmic and automatic than reaction-based. Somehow this makes it feel a bit more like busywork to me rather than a more tense test. I don't have beef if you disagree, it just doesn't do it for me in the way due to the lessened tension. Still good, of course, but I think I would've preferred it if each leaf had a button for you to press that was revealed with each previous leaf being pulled out of the way, and had the whole game made a bit shorter to compensate.
Guest Characters In Mario Party
There is a LOT of talk about just making a bunch of games "Nintendo Party" or "Nintendo Kart", and I... am honestly not the biggest fan of that. Like, if you want it so bad, just let Kirby and Zelda and Pokemon have their own party games. Making a giant crossover out of everything always brings up the discussion of 'worthiness', and then we're just seeing the same 30-50 or so Nintendo faces in every spin-off, wondering if maybe Pit or Shulk will make it in this time. The Mario cast has been able to develop really fun and distinct identities through the Mario Party series (some more than others - Bowser, Wario, Waluigi, Peach, etc.), and some generic characters who would NEVER get spotlight otherwise have made memorable and fun appearances (Dry Bones, Monty Mole, Blooper, etc.). I think widening that net too greatly damages the brand a bit - already we have the debate on what DK series characters deserve or should get in. If it's kept to a few characters that fit the series' style, that's fine, I'm not gonna complain that Mr. Game & Watch showed up for a party. But I think that Nintendo's individual IP's shine brighter than being enveloped in the Nintendo brand as a whole would, and considering that love for those IP's has been EXTREMELY uneven in the past two decades, I'd polish some of them before focusing too much on more crossovers. That said, if K Rool is in Mario Party, I am buying that game on Day 0, so this isn't the hardest of stances.
Hudson-Soft
Hudson's always been a weird company. They made Bomberman, and Bomberman is good, but anything else they made always had some weird hitboxes. Milon's Secret Castle, Adventure Island, Mickey Mousekapade, Bonk's Adventure - anything that they ended up touching had a weird floatiness to it that felt just a tad less polished than the standout titles of the era. But, they made Bomberman and published Bloody Roar, and those series are awesome. This kinda "weird but charming" status extended to Mario Party as well, with some just weird hitboxes and, yet again, floaty platforming controls. I feel like Hudson always enjoyed experimenting with the Mario Party series, but they would never stray TOO far from one title to the next, so whilst Mario Party 7 would end up very different from Party 4, the path to getting there ended up feeling incredibly same-y. I do think that worked against the series as a whole and gave it a poor reputation, especially with yearly installments, but they did do a really nice job of using each game as a blueprint for the next, translating some elements that worked into whatever new idea that they had cooked up. And whatever new idea they had cooked up usually needed another game to actually make it GOOD, but then they made Mario Party 6 and were like "oops, almost all good!" So all in all, they were a good dev for Mario Party - weird, constantly making mistakes, but always willing to try something just the slightest bit new and improve. And that's... admirable? I think?
Soap Surfers (MPDS)
I mean, it’s Bumper Balls… but they fixed it so that people actually die. But then also you’re controlling it with a d-pad instead of a stick so it feels less good. Was that an acceptable trade-off… maybe? A little? Due to the naturally slippery controls of controlling a bar of soap, it feels less momentum-based than Bumper Balls and more like whenever Disney parks bring back those anti-gravity floaty cars for, like, three years before remembering when they’re a bad idea. It’s TECHNICALLY improved, but I’m less of a fan.
Crossroads Both Leading To Red Spaces
Honestly I just don’t get the point. If the debate’s between a Red Space and Bowser, yeah, that’s understandable. But having both ends of a junction lead to Red Spaces just seems… worthless? Like, the point of a Red Space should be willing to take the hit so you get closer to a Star. Having one go in both directions just kinda feels hopeless, oh boo hoo you rolled the poverty number, no way to avoid it.
? Space
The most important space in the series, bar none. Boards live and die based on their Happening Space gimmicks and how you adapt to them. Space Land can be an absolutely miserable experience if you decide not to get the proper items to handle a row of Happening Spaces. Boo’s Haunted Bash is kind of a miserable board that only has two ? Spaces on it and no one ever lands on them. Mystery Land straight up requires ? Spaces to function in the slightest. The best boards utilize them strategically, with Bowser Land using them as escape options for the parade route, Shy Guy’s Perplex Express shuffling the train car order to evoke total chaos, and E. Gadd’s Garage featuring just a myriad of economic, movement, and orb-based options. Starting with Party 5, ? Spaces tended to be less frequently stretched together, making them harder to farm for the Happening Star. However, the introduction of the Sluggish Shroom in 6 alleviated this immensely, now giving you a guaranteed ? Space when you need one, and often one of increased power compared to the previous games. But then you still have ones like those at the end of Pagoda Peak and Booty Boardwalk that are a terror that you just have to pray you get past so you’re not returned to start. Yeah, these are absolutely the most important board elements. They create a secondary objective to work toward AND can utterly mess with the game state, posing the question if it’s really worth it to go for them. Do they have an utterly pristine track record? No, there’s some real stinkers in there (Future Dream especially), but games that remove the Happening Star as a guaranteed objective are far less enjoyable to plot out. This little guy’s a game changer.
Lucky Lamp
A great item thematically damaged only by the game that it’s in. Flavor-wise, having an antithesis to the Magic Lamp is fantastic, love it, and it makes sense for Baby Bowser to be selling the “loser” version of the lamp. Being able to move the star at will is pretty strong, especially if you memorize the star spawn locations and know that it’ll reshuffle to one that hasn’t been used yet, basically being able to hedge your bets as to what part of the map the star will appear in. It’s strictly a denial play, of course - you’re only moving the star because you can’t get to it but someone else can - but it can be an intensely frustrating one. Unfortunately, it appears in Mario Party 3, the absolute king of movement options. Between board events, the Reverse Mushroom, the cheapness of the Golden Mushroom, and just how quickly players load up on items, the Lucky Lamp just isn’t a safe enough bet, and is never a desirable option for purchase when compared to even a Reverse Mushroom. Denying one star for 10 more coins doesn’t equate to a potential 3 or 4-Boo swing on a later turn, and is certainly less valuable than the flexibility of a Boo Bell. It’s one of several items in MP3 that’s good if you HAPPEN to get it, but you’re never specifically gunning for it.
Bowser Nightmare (MP5)
Bowser tries his absolute best to make something out of Mario Party 5, but even his magic falls a bit short. This is a MEAN board in all the best ways that really builds up the strength of Bowser. There’s tons of junctions so that capsule throwing has actual flexibility, the Mecha-Blooper Carousel from Bowser Land makes a return in the form of a stage filled with Red Spaces (and potentially Bowser Spaces), essentially surrendering at least two turns and a guaranteed net loss for two Happening Star points, but far more brutally than in games past, and the Happening Space events are just delightful. Bowser making you choose between the Red Pill and the Blue Pill to either go back to Start or lose half of your coins is… yup the game sure did come out in the first half of the 2000’s, but the best event has to be “Bowser takes a walk”. The guy just stomps from one side of the board to the other, down a linear path with the least junctions in between, and anyone in his path gets squished like it’s Mario Party 4, losing 10 coins, AND he turns all of the Blue Spaces in his way into Red Spaces. This Bowser board takes elements from all the previous Bowser boards to try to meld them into one, and it’s pretty solid… aside from the shortcomings of Party 5 itself, of course. It doesn’t have any real mobility options with its Happening Spaces other than a 50/50 at being sent back to start, more just “okay take your lumps and move on”. Proof that a good board can absolutely be held back by the game it’s in.
Monopoly
I get why people like Monopoly. It feels good to own something, it gives the illusion of investing in something and hoping you make a big return really well, and it’s far more based on negotiation to mitigate luck than some would like to argue. It’s a a reputation and a game where you just roll dice and lose money, and I only find that true if you’re playing with people who don’t want to be playing Monopoly. However… I’m sorry, I’m just not a fan, As you can probably tell from any given board’s write-up, I love it when flexibility and decision making is the star of the show; being given two unenviable positions and trying to choose the lesser of two evils. Monopoly basically requires everyone to become a mustache-twirling aristocrat trying to scheme out disadvantageous deals in order to work that out, and building that up is almost entirely done by chance. Fortune Street has basically totally phased Monopoly out for me, as just adding junctions and adding the simple act of “get four suits and return to start” having a far stronger benefit than Go ever could and then TEMPTING you to go toward a dangerous district as opposed to REQUIRING it like Monopoly adds so much more for me. Monopoly is a game entirely based around the company you keep to be a good game, and while I admit it’s a better choice than something like Risk if you’re going for pure negotiation and mind games, at that point I’d rather play something story-driven with the company I’m keeping. I get the appeal, but it’s often my last choice. I mean, you can make Candy Land interesting with house rules (deal those cards out Sonic Shuffle style and make it so you can only use opponents’ cards if you get stuck on one of the trap spaces - makes for a much better time!).
Super Hard CPU’s
Honestly a really fun thing to unlock. If you’re stuck in a 3-player game, throwing one of these guys into the mix makes for a fun time, because no matter how much you may hate your friends, NO ONE wants to lose to the computer. It’s just a cute little thing to slot in every so often, and I like the little rainbow finish the difficulty sometimes gets. Is it a cheater? Absolutely, but cheaters are fun to destroy and mock your friends for losing to.
Koopa Troopa (MP1)
For something that NEVER returned in any other Mario Party, this sure does save a lot of maps. Yoshi’s Tropical Island and DK’s Jungle Adventure basically NEED the 10 coin bonus in order to not be awful, as it just makes the starting area of the board actually viable for trying to farm the Coin Star instead of purely a time waster. Mario’s Rainbow Castle and Peach’s Birthday Cake benefit greatly from it with the sheer amount of coins they take away from you, and it even basically gives you one free shot at a shortcut in Bowser’s Magma Mountain. Yeah, it kinda just causes coins to snowball in Luigi’s Engine Room and Wario’s Battle Canyon is just a crapshoot, and getting the 20 coin bonus for being the 10th person to pass Koopa is basically ONLY possible to game in DK’s Jungle Adventure, but for a game that loves to take your coins away, he keeps the economy going. He’s a good lad. Almost makes up for him not giving a random player money in the Last 5 Turns.
Pirate Guys
I’m glad that this is gonna be my last write-up for the topic (hopefully, if I didn’t miss anything again). Shy Guys are my absolute favorite generic enemy race, and Shy Guy Says was a big reason why. I just loved the idea of a self-important minion capturing the whole Mario cast and making them play a game in order to not be sent out to sea and have their choice of starving or drowning to death. Just the aesthetic of the longcoat too big for his body, complete with the stupid eyepatch over his mask, makes them so cool. They are a bit annoying in Pirate Land, I will give you that, and I think their presence in the bottom left section of the board is totally unnecessary, but man… pirates are cool. Shy Guy is cool. Mario Party has a knack for making you fall in love with the dumbest things, and these guys are up there for me.