This topic was created on the 20th of January 2011 by some lurker named Niorapth because she felt like it. It was filled with DRAMA, BIAS and NONSENSE (or so Nio likes to think). The topic -*too lazy to continue*
Nio shallowly ranks the main FF guys according to hotness with tiny writeups
Hello. I am a lurker. My name is Nio.
The inner mind of a fangirl is a mysterious one. For years, SquareEnix (formerly SquareSoft) has tried to figure out how to gain fangirl support by trying to garner their attention. In the beginning, they ... Oh god I'm too lazy for this.... make your own intro and stuff...
Anyway, this user will rank the main male characters of Final Fantasy according to what she thinks... is hot... Why? Because she can.
The ranking is purely based on the character's aesthetics.. His personality does not count... just eye candy. Fangirls deserve the right to be shallow too you know...
Oh, and what constitutes as a main character - he is the poster boy of the series/he is on the logo/it is universally accepted that he is the main character of his game (though some might be up for debate)/Square says so.
Ahem.. anyway... ON TO THE RANKINGS~~
34. Dissidia Final Fantasy: Chaos
Like omg... he is soooo hot~ He has like many hands to hold me with.. and those horns make me sooo horny~ And his growl~ rawr....
Ok ... like seriously... what the hell..... He has no appeal at all!!! His skin is terrible and all vein-ey and stretchy and DRY. Ugh! He needs to lose weight and apply some serious moisturizing cream. After he does all that... who knows... He might turn into a mega hunk~
33. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within: Gray Edwards
Look! LOOK INTO THOSE SOULLESS EYES. Doesn't it scream uncanny valley to you? His stare sends the creepies, heebie jeebies and Justin Bieberies into my soul.. and that is NOT a good thing.
Face wise, he looks like a normal guy. WHICH IS THE PROBLEM. I don't want a normal guy! I want a hot Final Fantasy hunk. This guy is clearly missing the FANTASY part. Also, he has a stocky build, which is while ok, makes him look TERRIBLE in his outfit. The armour thing is waaay too big on top, which makes him look fat instead of well built. His legs are a nice shape and all but because of his outfit, it makes him look eugh~ And those shorts... they have got to go. He may have a chance to look better.. but heneeds work... LOTS of work.. and professional help.
32. Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales + Chocobo's Dungeon - Chocobo
Look at him~ Doesn't he scream DAWWWW so CUUUUTE! That is the problem! I want HOTNESS.
....Did I mention he has feathers and a beak... yeah..... He is nice as a pet...and nothing else... He CAN potentially be hot... What he needs are fanartists, a twisted mind and uh.. uh.... yeah... I got nothing.
.....DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. The Chocobo IS from an FF game ok? It has the word Final Fantasy in the title! I-it's not like I wanted to include him or anything
31. Final Fantasy Unlimited: Hayakawa Yu
He... is waaay too young man... He does not have HOTNESS aura because of his young age... Even then, he fails at the cute factor.. Why?
Ok, first of, there is something wrong when you are cuter than your sister. Also, he knows how to accessorize better than his sister! His sister got a disgusting fur bag while he has a sweet hair accessory thing which matches his outfit. His fashion sense made his sister so insecure, she changed outfits TWICE. However! He committed the sin of tucking his shirt into his spandex shorts.. WHICH IS A NONO! You do not tuck in loose clothes into SPANDEX. He also wears long socks, which makes him look short... something a growing boy should NOT be doing.
He grows into a handsome young man though... but still looks kinda ehhhh as shown in the second picture. He still looks cuter than his sister though... and THAT IS A SIN!
As for the path to hotness... he is already heading towards the path of shotaness... and is thus beyond help.
30. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates: Yuri
The number one problem is that he shares the same name as Lowell and Hyuga... who are hunks. Unfortunately, this Yuri doesn't live up to the hotness. Sure, we might attribute this due to how he looked as a child... but, he did blossom into an okay young man.
He needs to work on his facial expression. As you can see, in the first picture, he shows a sweet expression of sweetness... Kinda like :3. However, he TRIES to look hot and awesome by doing... THE POUT. Yes... the "I AM SO BADASS AND AWESOME" pout. Well newsflash honey... YOU AIN'T HOT. When you have a cute smiley face, the pout does not work. I mean, I know the other Yuri-es can do the pout.. but you don't have to be like them Yuri! This fake pout is showing all over your face honey~ And it somehow makes you.. unhot.
Well, Yuri needs to embrace his cute smile, and improve on it in order to go on the path of hotness. He can do it if he stops faking badassness.
29. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King: King Leo
Say it with me: DAWWWWW.
He ish sooo cute... yet... with that cuteness, he hides a sense of... badassness.... I mean, look at that naughty smirk... luring nice older women like me with his smile and making me... I'll stop now... please don't sic the FBI on me...
This widdle boy sure knows his charms.. and how to use them. He knows he has those cute huge eyes, nicely cut hair and a tiny helpless looking body. But, it worries me how young he is. He shouldn't be using his uh... charms like this. He should remain a pure young boy and enjoy his youth. He has potential to be a hottie (in fact, he is on track to becoming a Jin Kisaragi lookalike). He just needs his vitamins, proteins and all his essential minerals and 11 herbs and spices. Oh, did I mention that he is kinda thin? He needs lots of sandwiches... made with love, care and huggy wuggies~
28. Final Fantasy IV: The After Years: Ceodore Harvey
Before plastic surgery: 
After plastic surgery: 
Ceodore... I can't believe you got plastic surgery! At the tender age of 17 too! I mean look at those pictures! Botox, double eyelid surgery, a nose job... oh god, he turned into a different person altogether! This is unacceptable. Had he embraced his original face, he would have been more handsome, because hotness comes from within!
I have nothing more to say... I AM CLEARLY DISGUSTED.
27. Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light: Brandt
Awww look at him. All tiny and squishable and... young.. very... young. He already has inner hotness in his very determined face. He also has a childlike naughtiness in his expression, which is really fitting for his young age. And that short silver hair is also cruise control for hotness.
His fashion sense is not too bad. He dresses age appropriately. If there are any things he could work on, he should have put his leather holster thing at an angle so that it doesn't cut his waist and make him look tiny. He should also stop wearing flare boots and instead choose a long straight cut. Other than that, he has got it covered.
He is already set on the path of hotness as he is a silver haired person. Silver haired people are ALWAYS hot.
26. Final Fantasy XIII: Snow Villiers
So I bet some of you are wondering why this man is here. I mean, he defines manliness and all...But! Hotness isn't just about having a good looking face and a smokin' bod. IT IS ABOUT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!
I mean look at him! Unkempt stubble, long greasy hair (ugh!) ... He might look like a young Kevin Conroy but COME ON. He needs to groom himself a bit... maybe tie up that hair... or even cut it! He has a gorgeous face structure and he is hiding it with his hair and that bandanna!
But but but! The worse part is that... HE IS WEARING FRAYED CLOTHES!! OMG that is the WORST offense. I get it... you love the coat so darn much.. but PLEASE CUT OF THE ENDS or get your woman to sew a new hem or something. ARGH!
25. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest: Benjamin
Dude... HE LOOKS LIKE A GUNDAM! Isn't he cute? He cosplays so well....
But that is the thing! We never get to see the REAL Benjamin and how he looks. All we can see is this Gundam wannabe. He also looks as if he is permanently on PMS (whatever the guy version is). He has those angry eyes all the time, and we know that having angry eyes will make them wrinkles between the brows more prominent in your early age.
He is on the right path to badassery, but he needs to reel it in to be hot. He needs to relax and let loose. Wrinkles on a young man are a nono.
24. Final Fantasy XII: Vaan
Vaan oh Vaan. This is a boy with insecurities. To be fair, he is an alright looking guy. He's got a nice tan and an acceptably cute face.
HOWEVER. He is a FAKE. He is apparently being pressured by his seniors before him. I mean look at them... good looking, tall... MUSCULAR. So instead of working out... what does he do? PAINT SOME ABS. Sure, it might fool his seniors but who is he kidding? Because of this, his whole hotness factor has diminished. In an unrelated note, his hair is a bit too short for his small face, and it makes him look weird.
He did learn his lesson though, and has accepted that he will never be muscular. So, he did the next best thing instead of pumping some iron and put on a shirt. He is slowly embracing his lean and thin hotness, but he has a looong time to go till he atones for his past sins.
23. Final Fantasy V: Bartz Klauser
This is a man who also has issues. Teased because his original name as a child, he legally had it changed to Bartz from Butz. Alas, even with his name changed, the trauma of being teased still haunts him till today.
Despite having piercing eyes and a handsome long-ish nose which qualifies for being HOT~, Bartz is so insecure about his appearance that he has turned to crash dieting. He diets waaaay too much and is the poster boy for malnutrition! Sure, his legs look EXCELLENT in tights (leggings... whatever) but he should not be starving himself! He struggles to keep his butt small so that people don't look at it as his defining feature.
Someone give this poor boy a sandwich so that he can work towards being hot!
22. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: Marche Radiuju
This boy has rosy cheeks. However, that can be attributed to the fact that he has been living in cold climates. For a young man, he has a good determined knowledgeable look in his eyes. This reminds me of a war hardened warrior trapped in a young man's body... A young man... WHO DOESN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR!
Look at how his butt sucks in his pants... ewww... Doesn't he get friction burn from that? And ok, maybe I might be exaggerating about the no underwear thing... He might be wearing a thong..
Like Bartz, he also needs some sandwiches to reach the holy holiness of hotness. His calves are too small and they look as if they can't even support HIM.
21. Final Fantasy III: Nameless Guy
What?! No Luneth? No.. THIS is the original poster guy of FFIII. He is actually kinda hot. The OHMYGODIWANTYOU kind of hot. The problem? He is apparently a kid.
Unless he is a future bodybuilder or something... HOW CAN KIDS HAVE THIS KIND OF MUSCLES MASS? He has like so much muscle, he should have given some to Vaan! Augh. Kids should stay kids, even if they are cloud slaying world saving chocobo riding kids. Sob.
Well... he can't help the body that he has now... Sigh... He already looks hot... and if he maintains his workout, will remain so for years to come. But he is too hot, too soon.
20. Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift: Luso Clemens
Luso~ So cute~ He rocks the whole devillish cute badass hot look really well. I mean, look at that smirk.. and his SMIZE (that is smiling with your eyes for you people who don't watch America's Next Top Model). He is unafraid to look you straight in the eyes and capture your soul with his smoldering stare.
He has a clean look and would have ranked higher if not for his bad choice in accessorizing. He clearly needs to spend a few minutes with Hayakawa Yu and learn that LESS IS MORE. He would have looked PERFECT if he got rid of all his good luck charms (the four leaf clover, the lucky green sash thing which has something to do with that Irish drinking day, the Buddha lotus flower on his hat) and also got rid of the blue accents. He should follow the three colour rule for outfits UNLESS he is wearing florals or if the colours look good together or something. And those heels!!! OMG. He is gonna suffer from various muscle pains later on.
If he tones down, he will definitely be a hottie. He doesn't need all those good luck charms, because he already is a hottie.
19. Final Fantasy Type 0 formerly known as Final Fantasy Agito XIII: Card Guy
http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Fantasy_Type-0
Awww look at his puffy cheeks. *tries to pinch screen* *fails* Look at the way he unafraidly stares at you.. RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL. He also pulls off the layered haircut look very well. He looks a little scared though, but that just adds to his cuteness.
I would comment on his choice of clothing, but alas... he is wearing a uniform. The uniform is quite flattering for all shapes, boobs and sizes but the gold shoulder pad things are really an eyesore. I don't know much about the school, but the uniform is restricting his individuality. He looks the same as everyone else.
Other than that, he is cute.... just not hot enough. He has the potential to either be a hot skinny male model or just one of those eternally cute guys. His future is uncertain, but if he works for it, hotness can be attained.
18. Final Fantasy IV: Cecil Harvey
You know what is romantic? A knight in shining armour. You know what is even more romantic? A knight in shining armour which has SHOULDER HORNS! (horns make me so horny.. ok I've used that once... darn)
Look at this specimen! How he stands tall and proud, making many young girls squee with joy at his manliness. He has an air of royalty, kind of like Prince Charles, which makes girls squee even more. And his eyes... they have that "YOU! I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU'RE FROM, DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DID, (as long as you love me~) BUT DO SOMETHING FOR ME BEFORE I SMITE YOU WITH THIS STICK THING YOSHITAKA AMANO DREW FOR ME".
Cecil is alas not free from flaws. He... tries to hide his overbearing manliness by wearing... lipstick... not just any lipstick... BLACK GOTH LIPSTICK. WHY CECIL WHY!!! And then, when he moved to America, he started to take steroids. He dyed his hair blond to fit in with the locals.. and and.. turned into the guy in pic 2...OH GOD. He was more FAT than muscular and his nightie + armour is really ... goddamn not even the Fashion Police dares to arrest him for that one.
He somehow realized the errors of his ways, and returned to hotness, even ditching the lipstick. Good job Cecil~ Although you are a hottie now, remember.. the paparazzi (and creepy fangirls) still have evidence of your darker days....
17. Final Fantasy Tactics: Ramza Beoulve
This.. is a tragic tale... A tale of a man who has fallen from hottitude.. a tale of Ramza Beoulve.
You see, as a young man, he was a very cute boy with hips as small as a wasp. Sure he had that godawful cape, but other than that, his innocent look won over his student friends who were so stunned by his looks (and that ponytail), that they followed him... FOREVER. Absolute loyalty maaaan.
He then got into his rebellious phase, and man, you know the thing about girls going gagagigugego over bad boys? Well... it is true. I mean, look at him! His short hair which highlighted his handsome looks, that dark armour.. I mean.. HOTTIE~
TRAGICALLY, something happened as the years flew by... He.. HE TURNED INTO SOME... THING! Realizing the errors of his wild teenage years (underage drinking, chocobo slaying and all that), he decided that enough was enough. THUS! He still needed to protect the ONE good thing about himself... which was his... purity. Yes... despite getting a badass armour and perfecting the "LOOK INTO MY EYES I'M SO HOT YEAH BABY" look... he... he... PUT ON A CHASTITY BELT! A chastity belt sooo protective, it even protects his butt, thus protecting him from men, women AND chocobos!
WHY!! WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF RAMZA!!! HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN FROM THE REALM OF HOTNESS.... *sobs dramatically*
16. Final Fantasy IX: Zidane Tribal
A ladies man, or so he calls himself. Looks wise, he already has the stereotypical HOT combination of BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES and is sure to turn on many girls... especially foreign girls. Also, there's something about him which makes girls just... kind of attracted to him... Maybe it is his eyes, or that :3 face... Or his well groomed hair.
He has a nice lean body, and you can see that he clearly cares about his arms muscles, which are a chick magnet, because there is nothing that impresses a girl more than a guy who can flex his arms. The decision to wear a sleeveless outfit is awesome since he can randomly flex his arms anywhere and anytime, making random girls faint in awe. He is also a classy dude, and wears a lacey cravat with pride (he has a string tie too! And STRING TIES ARE CLASSY!). Thankfully, he got rid of his necklace thing, because that just didn't go with his outfit.
But you see, for all his badassness, he is doomed to be stuck in a plane between cuteness and hotness. Why? He has a fluffy taaaail. His tail looks so fluffy and cute and warm and fuzzy, and it brings his hotness straight down to cute levels.
I'm not saying he should hide his tail in shame... It is just that he needs to bring out his hotness even more, probably by getting an edgier haircut or wearing leather or getting darker clothes. Sigh, he should really start thinking about getting rid of his cute image, and focus more on being hot.
15. Final Fantasy X: Tidus
Tidus has a nice tan. A very nice than which complements his muscles. He should be the posterboy for random gyms as he is able to show that one can strike a perfectly toned body without being overbearingly muscular like Zangief. Tidus is also quite a smart guy. He knows his best asset are his.. pecs, so he shows them off to the world via his... short tiny outerwear thingy thing.
As much as I love his strikingly handsome face, with clear blue eyes and dazzling smile or badass frown whichever he feels like doing, he has committed a severe crime of fashion by combining two outdated styles, one of which is for women, and the other for men.
Firstly, unless you are from some place where dressing up like a Kpop star is popular, CUT-OFF PANTS ARE PASSE~. What is even worse is that .. HE MADE IT ASYMMETRICAL! AUGH! That is just... I can't even! Make up your mind Tidus... Long pants ... or shorts... And then, he decided to wear a PINAFORE, which is worn by schoolkids in countries which have uniforms, or unsexy French maids. PLUS! HE DYED HIS HAIR! Now, he doesn't look THAT bad as a dirty blond but... WOULD IT KILL HIM TO RETOUCH HIS HAIR ROOTS ONCE IN A WHILE? God... I mean, if you wanna go blonde do it properly. And I don't buy the part about him being poor since he's a star blitzball player!
Tidus needs to change his wardrobe. I don't care if it his him team uniform... just... EW. He is hot. His wardrobe is not.
SPOILER ALERT
SPOILER ALERT
SPOILER ALERT!!!
SKIP THIS POST IF YOU CARE FOR FINAL FANTASY X-2 SPOILERS
14. Final Fantasy X-2: Shuyin
After consulting with the wise sages of the 8 neoplasms, they told me that this bloke is the main guy of X-2. Fair enough.
He is like the better version of Tidus. He rectified Tidus' embarrassing fashion faux pas at the cost of covering up his body (darn! I want me some muscles). But that just means he's a decent guy who doesn't overexpose his body (unlike Vaan). He has a meaner look in his face, and is basically a badass version of Tidus with more scowling. His dirty blond hair also works for him as it doesn't look as if his roots hasn't been touched up in a while. See Tidus? THAT is great haircare~
Instead of wearing a pinafore, he wears a combination belt and suspender thing, which looks quite epic had he paired it with a shorter shirt. However, the yellow accents on the shoes and shirt are killing me since it just.. doesn't mesh with the whole theme of bring grim!dark and evil. Aieee. He also has that useless criss-cross belt thing is front of his shorts... which makes me wonder if he hates moving around or walking or something.
In conclusion, this guy is hot. He needs a few tweaks here and there... but yeah... HE IS HOT.
13. Final Fantasy VII (and Final Fantasy VII Snowboarding): Cloud Strife
With his beautiful androgynous look, many has fallen prey to his charms, men, women and chocobos alike. Rumour has it that Lightning was so jealous of Cloud's beauty, she had plastic surgery to look like him. That, or she injected his DNA into her body.
Cloud is just pretty. His shining ocean turquoise aquamarine cerulean sparkling eyes really makes every one just want to staaaaaaaaaaaare in it forever. Those are the PRETTIEST eyes in all of gaming... EVER. He has like this vulnerable tough face (bear with me! fangirls don't think straight when they stare into hotness), and of course, a man showing his EMOTIONS is the ultimate HOTNESS.
His hair though... oh boy... where do I start... Lightning rod, chocobo hair (he even looks like one), radio antenna... PUNK IS DEAD CLOUD!! DEAD! Then again, should he find himself weaponless, he could always break off his hair and use it as a dagger or stake (he needs it to kill Edward Cullen with) or something. And those spikes on his shoulders... gawd! He is like a wannabe gangsta biker guy (who will never be as awesome as Green Biker Dude). Why protect his left arm anyway? Isn't he right handed? It's like "HEY HEY! WHY DON'T YOU CHOP OFF MY IMPORTANT DOMINANT HAND WHICH ISN'T PROTECTED AND RENDER ME USELESS FOR LIKE... A WHILE BEFORE I LEARN TO USE MY LEFT HAND?!". Urgh, boys and their useless impractical fashion.
Cloud's ok. He has like a huge plus in hotness due to his EYES. But that punk look has GOT to go. Thankfully, he toned it down in his future appearances, but his new haircut isn't doing his face justice at all.
12. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers: Layle
Being on vacation in the cold weather makes me realize that the fashion for winter clothes is very limited, especially for males. I mean, you're practically limited to outerwear like coats, jackets and their many subspecies.
HOWEVER, in spite of this limitation, one daring young man has dared to make a fashion statement in what would usually be a drab outfit. That man, is Layle. He uses geometric shapes and lots of piping to bring his jacket to life. He also brought back the bulky bomber jacket look, and emphasized the bulky aspect by adding embellishments to his outfit. He also took some inspiration from the boys of Digimon, and went for the goggle look, looping one over his neck instead of putting them over his head. This is a good move since he knows that girls would go gaga over his curly locks of gold.
Looks wise, he looks like a regular average handsome blue eyed blond haired guy next door (if you live in countries where there are many guys who look like that anyway...). He would have gotten a higher ranking IF he had gotten rid of that tattoo thing, which totally spoils his childishly cute and innocent yet totally hot face. He could also stand to get rid of those ugly Crocs... which are like totally passe~ Oh, and those pants... way to emphasize your small butt by wearing those e-ugh patchwork pants with a HUGE patch dedicated on the backside. Stop taking lessons from Ramza's fail buttpants!
Layle is a kind of pleasing hot, like you know, the Gazpacho kind of hot. If he doesn't remove those shoes and that tattoo however, he will never achieve the french onion soup kind of hot.
11. Before Crisis -Final Fantasy VII-: Rod (Male)
This guy is in the logo... HE MUST BE THE MAIN GUY. Ahem. Anyway, this guy doesn't even have a name... how sad... BUT! He has the placeholder name ROD... does that mean.... *gets shot*
Anyway, he has a very clean look. No stubble, no mustache, he looks like a regular young man. He has a very serious look on his face, but it is a given since his job is supposedly dangerous and stuff. Also, he is a redhead. Redheads are inherently hot looking since their flaming red hair makes people think that they are hotblooded badasses.
There is nothing really bad to say about this guy.. because if he has any flaws whatsoever, I don't see it... However, that may be due to the fact that he is wearing a TUX. Yes, a man in a tuxedo is probably the sexiest thing ever. It makes him look dashing and handsome and smooth and *drools*.
The tuxedo look though, however awesome it is, it sort of like a cheat code to hotness. If we were to remove the tux, Rod-guy is just.... generically hot. He doesn't have any unique features... but he's still kinda hot. He should invest some time to take himself out of generic-ness and to make him 'pop' out more... I dunno, maybe invest in nonsensical armour or adding nonfunctional zippers to his outfit maybe... He could even add on a couple more belts... just saying....
10. Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII-: Zack Fair
I think the first time you even see a coloured 2D picture of his face was in Ehrgeiz... so I included that....
So.. Zack. Is. Hot. Why is he hot? He has a face which chicks want. Cheerful yet a bit naughty yet serious and determined. His face has a whirlwind of emotions attached to it and because women are complicated things, they are thus instantly attracted to this man. He also looks trustworthy, in that he doesn't scream EVIL BOYFRIEND or PIMP whenever you gaze at his prettiness. People are just attracted to his smile and smize... you just can't hate this guy no matter how hard you try.
His outfit is simply a uniform, one which he wears well. No matter which colour his uniform is in, he simply rocks it due to his complexion and build. He is lean yet slightly built, and at one glance, actually looks kinda harmless since his muscles are not really pronounced. This can work against him however, since people don't really expect him to be strong and buff, and most girls love a strong and buff man. Also, he should alter those pajama bottoms he calls pants. It makes his legs look a lil fat, and doesn't mesh well with the tight top half of the outfit. He gets points for not doing the one shoulder pad look like Cloud though. And those shaved eyebrows... I mean.. what kind of guy shaves their eyebrows till you can barely see them?! Argh.
Now, according to the great Tyra Banks in season 15 of America's Next Top Model, you gotta learn to reign in that large forehead. You see, Zack has quite a large forehead. Having a large forehead isn't wrong, but for Zack's age, it makes him look... old. He used to have a bad Goku (Dragonball) haircut, but it actually complimented his face and made him look young because it covered his forehead a bit. Then he decided to let loose his forehead and swept his hair back... He looks kinda...ugh with his hair like that... He's supposed to be 23... and he looks... 35. AND 35 IS OLD ACCORDING TO NUMEROUS JRPGS. People should only slick their hair back when they are evil corporate villains or when they are old and need to look awesome! At least he didn't do a center part...
Zack needs a hairover. Other than that, he already has a steady flow of girls running to him, and thus solidifies his position in the realm of hotness
9. Final Fantasy: Warrior of Light a.k.a Fighter a.k.a That Guy on the Logo
Have you ever had that moment.. when you looked at someone.. and felt you could trust him right away? Well... THIS IS THAT GUY. When you look at him, you feel that this man is the one you can trust with you Swiss bank account number. He has the face of a hardworking young(?) man, and a smoldering stare which tells you "your heart is safe with me". He also has access to the other hotness cheat code - SILVER HAIR, which in FF-verse, immediately turns someone into a hottie.
It is a known fact that most young ladies (no thanks to having their minds polluted by Disney movies) dream of being whisked away to a faraway land by a knight in shining armour. Well... GUESS WHO IS A KNIGHT IS SHINING ARMOUR!? THIS GUY! He is like the man in every person's dreams... the valiant knight with the shiny pointy sword who cleaves dragons and harmless bunnies to ensure that their loved ones are safe and sound. His armour is a nice shade of blue with gold trimmings. Those two colours look good together and they are meaningful as blue represents UNITY and gold (more like yellow) represents ROYALTY (according to the Malaysian flag description anyway). And he is definitely manly as he wears a KILT under his armour. Oh yes, the mark of a true man... a kilt.
He's hot.. what can I say. The only thing he has to work on is his posture (stop slumping forward or hunching your back! UGH). He could also lose the middle pointy thing between his horns.... that tassel thing reminds me of those things you blow at birthday parties... Other than that.. he is HOT. And that is why he made top 10!
AND THOSE HORNS MAKE ME SO HORN- (gets shot)... I guess it only works the first time.....
8. Dirge of Cerberus -Final Fantasy VII- and Dirge of Cerberus Lost Episode -Final Fantasy VII-: Vincent Valentine
According to SCIENCE, people are most drawn to the colour red. Knowing this fact, Vincent decks himself in a cape and.. hair cape of flaming red to get people to notice him. So much so, he has risen from secret missable character to OMG HERO OF HIS OWN GAMES! All due to his wardrobe...
Not many people have the guts to pull off such a vibrant and bright colour. Red basically SCREAMS for attention. Not this guy. He's like STARE AT MEEEE!! LOOK AT MEEE!!! And thus we look. And like what we see. The cape gives the illusion of a nice slim body, and it makes him seem more... mysterious... Like "I WANT TO RIP THAT CAPE OFF TO KNOW YOUR BODY BETTER AND THEN KNOW YOUR PERSONALITY LATER WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT!!!" ... yeah. It gives that element of suspense in knowing the real Vincent's body.
He also tries to hide his face, which adds more to the suspense. But we ALL know he is hot. Most of the time, it looks as if he talks with his beautiful blood red eyes, because that is the only thing we can see of his face most of the time. It is gorgeous anyhow.
He had the potential to take top spot... but he made TWO glaring errors... That..claw... and those shoes! Ewww. I mean those two items shouldn't even be there. He was aiming for the modern sleek look, and then he puts on these items he must've gotten from the renaissance fair for 3 cents or something. I mean, if you want to go for the knight look, at least put on full armour! This half assed attempt at being a knight is what brought him down.
Shame. He looked so hot in the suit too... then he tried to pull of a look which doesn't fit into any era. If he had just chosen one time period and stuck with it,he could have taken top spot due to his pretty face. He needs to clear his head, and think hard about his fashion sense in order to possibly become the HOTTEST FF guy ever.
7. Final Fantasy VI: Locke Cole
Now this is the man who can pick the Locke to my heart. Hahaha.. Get it? Locke? (slaps knee) HHAHAHA Oh god I'm so funny.
It takes skill to be able to wear a bandanna, and not look like a hobo or a pirate arrrr. Locke Cole shows us how it is done, and looks classy while doing it too~
Locke is a rare kind of FF male. While the others typically have sharp faces, he rocks the square jaw with confidence. Well, Ceodore DID have a square jaw, but he got plastic, so he doesn't count. He has sharp eyes and is unafraid to stare down straight into the camera (or your eyes). He isn't typically handsome per se, but that is his charm. He looks exotic (for a typical FF male anyway).
He is clearly a fashionista, as you can see by the way he dresses. He has the talent in mixing textures, colours and patterns, and shows how to work cottons with leather. He is smart in that he matches the fabrics by colour and not patterns, which creates a unique yet non clashing look. Pair that up with some leather, and you've got a cool and complex look. It wouldn't have worked if not for his inner confidence though, and the way he portrays himself with that "Yeah, Imma wearin' this outfit which isn't supposed to work... Problem?" face just makes the look work even more. This man is clearly someone who loves to try things out, to wonderful effect. His monochrome look is just sooo classic, and those zebra prints just add a touch of class to it.
However, in his experimenting... he tends to... over do it sometimes... I mean.. in the last pic, he has managed to embroider strange accents to his leather jacket. Now,embroidery is only awesome if you're from the 40's or something, and you NEVER embroider something on leather unless they are like army badges or logos or something. Locke of course, wanting to experiment, tried to merge hard leather with flowers. Eck. He then paired it with a white outfit, which makes the jacket look so out of place. And that orange pouch.. I mean, sure it might be functional... but he should have at least worn a black one to match the jacket or something... I'M TRYING TO SAVE HIS OUTFIT HERE!!!
Locke is exotic looking and very handsome. He is already a superb hottie. He should just stop experimenting so much ....
6. Final Fantasy XIII-2: Mysterious logo guy
The first time I laid eyes on this man in that short trailer... My heart went THUMP THUMP. OH MAI GAWD. His serious tanned face, that long black hair... Squee. He literally made my shallow heart skip many beats. The best part? We don't even know anything about this guy.
Looking at him, we know he isn't ashamed to show off his physique. I mean, why would he be ashamed? Look at those pretty well toned muscles. He is a master of teasing though, as he only shows hints of his muscles by wearing a skin tight jumpsuit thing. We can see his muscle outlines... man... I'd do anything to trace my fingers over those arms... and torso.
He seems like a nice older man, something which is rare in FF-verse. I mean, the oldest guy in this ranking so far is like.. Chaos. But he lacks the fashion style of an older man and still tries to dress young. That scarf and head band are like waaay too juvenile, and those earrings... They just don't go with his overall serious image.
Nothing much to say actually. He's a hot guy. He is approaching like a middle age crisis though, and should stop putting on pretenses of being young, and instead, just focus on embracing his new wrinkles.
5. Final Fantasy XI: Face 2 trailer Hume guy
M-my heart.... ISN'T HE HOT OMG OMG OMG. Looky at those huge blue eyes. And that nice sharp face... He reminds me of those male models in women's magazines... Like ... uh... something?
This unnamed man rocks the short haircut really well. You know why? He has a nice head shape. Nice and round with no bumps and stuff. He knows he is a stud and he knows he can pull the look off. And that... NECK. It is soo nice and long and juicy.. and he poses it in such a way, we get to admire this piece of ... succulent meat. If I were a sparkling vampire, I'd dive straight for that neck... mmmm.
It is a pity that he only models couture style clothing. His strong look really calls for a more badass look (I'm talking ripped jeans, leather shirt and stuff). This.. unique clothing doesn't do justice to his look. I mean, ok, he is wearing a patchwork quilt with pastel colours. It is not THAT bad but... It doesn't suit his look... now if we get someone like Kuja to model this... thing... it would make more sense I guess.
Oh well.. He's a hot guy with bad clothing.. what's new Square Enix.. what's new.....
(I am totally typing this to catch my breath from all them reading)
4. Final Fantasy II: Firion
Another fashonista~ This guy has master the art of combining HARD with SOFT and pulls of the look ELEGANTLY.
Many Project Runway contestants have tried to pull of the HARD and SOFT look with mixed results thanks to Heidi Klum having hormonal irregularities due to pregnancy. Anyhow, there have been many Final Fantasy characters who have been wearing armour and such, and yet look like total disasters or simply... BORING. Not this guy. He and Locke have mastered the art of combining textures to pull off an awesome look~
Firion manages to distract many into thinking he's not wearing armour (because face it, after the whole KYAH KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR thing, the coloured armour look is sooo tacky and outdated) by executing the cape drape technique. He drapes his cape in such a way, you automatically focus on it instead of his armour. He then proceeds to show off his slim and muscular thighs by wearing those delicious and scandalous skinny jeans. He used to wear like really bright orange capes and had strong yellow accents, but realizing how tacky it was, he thankfully toned it down, and let the blueness of his armour shine through (although he still kept his favourite orange cape).
Communication must've been really hard in Firion's world... At first he had to attach a pair of antennas to his head to receive satellite signals or something. Well, with the advancement of TECHNOLOGY, he was able to ditch them for a bandanna, which protects his head as well as make him look uber stylish. Sides, Firion was probably Locke's style icon as well, since they have similar tastes in patterns.
Firion has a face which is very strong. He has like a long nose and a very strong jaw, which is awesome. He works a bit too hard though, and has the panda eye syndrome... Sigh. I mean, saving the world is definitely hard work, but he could stand to sleep a little more right? If anything, he should at least bring some concealer around.
This man is an undeniable hottie. He just needs to sleep more and remove that eye. Then those modelling contracts would definitely roll in. Oh, and he of course also has the Square-approved seal of hotness - HE HAS SILVER HAIR... THUS! HE IS HOT
3. Final Fantasy Versus XIII: Noctis Lucis Caelum
/misleading file name is misleading
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_kHlz44MBjMw/TQKJAW6EOBI/AAAAAAAAAMw/GYmT2GNlJnw/s1600/Noctis-Lucis-Caelum-Stand-and-fight-If-yo-uthink-you-re-cool-enough-3-noctis-lucis-caelum-5752766-1344-756.jpg
In third place... The guy with the most pretentious name of the lot~ NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM!!! When Noctis first graced us with his presence... I was like "..I MUST BUY THIS GAME NOW..". He's like sooo hot~ And cool~ Icy cool~
Coming from an Asian background, I must admit that black hair is like, soooo sexy. And like, Noctis has jet black hair covering that nicely shaped head of his kyaaah. Also, to complement that wonderful hair, he has like multi-coloured eyes~ So sometimes, he can go from sexy blue, to mysterious black to hot-blooded red in a blink of an eye~ AWESOME~ His face is also quite sharp, and it makes his delicious shiny lips look more pronounced... Damn, I wanna kiss those lips NOW. Why are they always rendered so... moist?
Noctis has come a long way in his journey to hotness. When first unveiled, many first thoughts were like "...SASUKE?! (That guy from Naruto: 
)". He even had like a terrible outfit which wasn't flattering at all... Like.. puff pants? Eck. In the group shot with his buddies, he easily looked like the worst (and fashionably challenged) guy in there! And that bit of skin in between his shoes and pants? WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-
He then got a more flattering haircut (he grew it out actually) and better clothes ( 
) thanks to some wonderful soul~ These clothes at least hug his figure better (oh yeah... the clothes should be tighter... TIGHTER) and shows more skin (kyah! ARMS). He even got a hold of a tux, and looks really spiffy and dapper in it. He is wise enough to opt out of a tie (thank god), and goes for the black on black ensemble which really adds to his mysteriousness since we literally know nothing of him anyway. The only thing holding him back are those baby shoes... you know, the ones which light up as you walk? Yeah.. WHY NOCTIS WHY.
He's a bit too gloomy from what we've seen of him, and he needs to SMILE a bit. Gloominess, while charming the first time, turns people off in the long run, and this is the factor on why he did not clinch top spot. Should he have SMILED like smile happy smile in one of the trailers or art, he could have been the hottest guy in Nio's heart. Sigh. He's still dreamy though.
2. Final Fantasy VIII: Squall Leonhart
KYAAAH SQUALL~
I remember seeing my cousin play this game and being interested because the main guy was hot (it ended up being the 3rd FF I played though). I had this perception that RPG heroes in general were all stuffy turds in armour going around killing crap and saving princesses and stuff. Well... NOT SQUALL.
This is the first time I saw a main character actually cares about how he looks like. He knows that we are probably gonna be staring at his fine behind the whole time thanks to awkward camera angles, and so he wears nice and tight leather pants. But then, he also knows that many girls would probably die from nosebleeds due to staring at his fine behind all the time, so he hides some of it by wearing belts... Thus, he just teases the fact that his behind is fine, but we know his behind is fine anyway.
Speaking of which, it isn't commonplace to find a main guy who wears fine shiny LEATHER... On some people, leather would either make them look cheap or like a member of the yakuza. Not Squall. He looks like a frickin' male model... He definitely has the body to pull off the look. And he pairs the leather with SILVER. It's like seeing a glimmer of SHINY from all that emo. And doesn't he have the FINEST pendant ever? That lion thingy. Man I'm jealous that Rinoa got the matching ring. I want it...
Then we have his wonderful face... Such perfection...smooth silky milky skin with not a single wrinkle in sight. His scar.. some view is as unattractive but it really adds to his charm. That small blemish tells us that this man (...boy) is not perfect, and nothing turns a girl on more than a flawed yet perfect man. He has nice soft brows too, which soften the sharp features of his face. His lashes are nice and long, and they frame his eyes very nicely... Speaking of which, his stormy blue eyes are to DIE FOR. I mean, it is so mysterious and complex. It is not a clear blue nor is it gray... It is just... Squall's eyes. And it is as complex as he is.
His lips are always tightly pursed together in an emo kind of way. This kinda saddens me as he has nice full lips... and his bottom lip.. man, it is soooo juicy looking *drool*. SPOILERS SPOILERS Then again, he always saves his elusive smile for his special someone... and man, what a dazzling, shining, radiant and beautiful smile it is!! (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/Moosenogger/HappySquallisHappy.jpg)ENDSPOILERS ENDSPOILERS
But waitaminit... WHY IS HE SECOND? Well... I wanted to put him first... but I can't deny the next man's searing hotness. While Squall gives me 3rd degree burns just by LOOKING at him, the next man.. Oh man.... But yeah, Squall is literally the FACE and HANDSOMENESS of Final Fantasy!
1. Final Fantasy XIV: Trailer Hyur Guy
For all my love of clean shaven man... I AM ABOUT TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION!! This... THIS GUY! He is usually NOT my type of guy at all. I usually loathe like manly manly manly men, but he struck my heart like ... Like... OH GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.. *is speechless and BLINDED by the hotness*
In all of Final Fantasy, I have NEVER EVER seen such PURE, BEAUTIFUL, CRYSTALLINE, PREFECT, AMAZING, *insert wonderful adjectives here*, GORGEOUS BLUE EYES. I mean LOOK AT HOW CLEAR IT IS. And the way it reflects that speckle of light... KYAAAH. STARE AT ME! STARE AT ME MORE NAMELESS HYUR GUY! PIERCE ME WITH... YOUR WONDERFUL STARE!!! And god, it's like he's smiling at me with those eyes is a sexy badass way.. telling me to imagine that I forever belong to him... Like the "Yeah, I'm hot.. I know you want me" kind of sexy stare... I just... I'M ALL YOURS GENERIC HYUR GUY!! TAKE MEEEE!!! *crashes self into monitor*. And you can really see that he is just communicating everything with his EYES.
Then those... LIPS. Tightly pursed together in battle.. but when he relaxes a bit.. Oh god... they look so delicious and supple and nicely shaped... And the way he just relaxes them in a not smile not smirk just nothing kind of lips just accentuates how sexy those lips are. Combined with the way he stares at you lovingly, it just creates an illusion of MAGNIFIED BURNING PASSION.
His skin.... ohmaigawd.. is sooo pretty. I mean, who cares if his skin isn't prefect and made of marble and sparkles in the sun like cheap CG glitter or anything. He has this wonderful sun-kissed skin and is slightly tanned due to the fact that he works hard navigating a terrible UI to kill monsters and do stuff. You can see the slight unevenness of his skin.. BUT THAT IS OK! Imperfection is the best kind of perfection (WTF AM I TYPING).
Speaking of imperfections, observe Hyur's sexy scar... the one going through his eye. I like how it turns his soft-ish (yet totally raarly sexy) features into something badass. Like, you how the others are wearing armour and stuff and look totally shiny and TOO PERFECT? Well this guy doesn't look like a dreamy idly knight in shining armour. He looks like a badass battle hardened young man who has seen much of the world and is mature beyond his years. This is the looks of the man who can keep it real, and not dream a perfect future.
Clothes wise... He manages to look sleek and perfect and fine and hip and awesome by updating a boring armour by using shades of black and blue. He inserts metallic accents wherever he can and yet still manages to not look like he's been bulked up. And man, he really know how to show off his skin~ ... That hint of his chest.. and arms... Makes me want to... *is already dead*
Soo yeah, a nameless generic trailer guy has taken FIRST SPOT in my rankings. I can't deny his hotness... or manliness... and those eyes smiling at me.. I mean.. WHO CAN?! He is so perfect... Even more perfect that Bella's stalking vampire... Sigh... TAKE ME NOW GENERIC HYUR GUY!!! THIS MAN IS UNDENIABLY HOT! TO DENY HIM FIRST PLACE JUST BECAUSE HE IS A GENERIC WOULD DO HIM A DISSERVICE!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!! THAT IS A FINE MAN OK? AND NIO HAS TO STOP SHOUTING OR ELSE SHE'LL LOSE HER VOICE BUT SHE CAN'T HELP IT BECAUSE HYUR GUY IS HOT AND NIO IS A FANGIRL
FINAL TIER LIST
Bell Pepper Tier
34. Dissidia Final Fantasy: Chaos
33. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within: Gray Edwards
32. Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales + Chocobo's Dungeon: Chocobo
Tuscan Pepper Tier
31. Final Fantasy Unlimited: Hayakawa Yu
30. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates: Yuri
29. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King: King Leo
28. Final Fantasy IV: The After Years: Ceodore Harvey
27. Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light: Brandt
Jalapeno Pepper Tier
26. Final Fantasy XIII: Snow Villiers
25. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest: Benjamin
24. Final Fantasy XII: Vaan
23. Final Fantasy V: Bartz Klauser
22. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: Marche Radiuju
21. Final Fantasy III: Nameless Guy
20. Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift: Luso Clemens
19. Final Fantasy Type 0 formerly known as Final Fantasy Agito XIII: Card Guy
Cayenne Pepper Tier
18. Final Fantasy IV: Cecil Harvey
17. Final Fantasy Tactics: Ramza Beoulve
16. Final Fantasy IX: Zidane Tribal
15. Final Fantasy X: Tidus
SPOILERS14. Final Fantasy X-2: ShuyinSPOILERS
13. Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VII Snowboarding: Cloud Strife
12. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers: Layle
11. Before Crisis -Final Fantasy VII-: Rod (Male)
10. Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII-: Zack Fair
9. Final Fantasy: Warrior of Light a.k.a Fighter a.k.a That Guy on the Logo
Habanero Pepper Tier
8. Dirge of Cerberus -Final Fantasy VII- and Dirge of Cerberus Lost Episode -Final Fantasy VII-: Vincent Valentine
7. Final Fantasy VI: Locke Cole
6. Final Fantasy XIII-2: Mysterious logo guy
5. Final Fantasy XI: Face 2 trailer Hume guy
4. Final Fantasy II: Firion
Naga Viper Pepper Tier
3. Final Fantasy Versus XIII: Noctis Lucis Caelum
2. Final Fantasy VIII: Squall Leonhart
1. Final Fantasy XIV: Trailer Hyur Guy
So what have we learned from this huge endeavor? Well, Nio has terrible English and terrible taste in men. However, she loves a generic guy and scars turn her on. Also, a chocobo wasn't last on the list because Nio likes cuteness.