Pac-Man

This was the Article of the Week for the week of 6/4/06.

This article is about Pac-Man the character.
For the original arcade game and the series it spawned, see Pac-Man (Game)

Pac-Man is the original icon of gaming. Unfortunately this hasn't resulted in much Contest success, whether competing as a character or the video game.

Bio[]

As always, the chattering classes of Board 8 have managed to completely overlook the utter simplistic brilliance of the ultimate video game classic, Pac-Man. This yellow crusader made obesity acceptable years before Mario came onto the scene. Pac-Man brought unconditional acceptance to gamers of all body shapes and masses. Do your friends mock you because life as a couch potato has left you rotund and helpless to do anything but roll around? Is your entire body stained with grease and yellow food coloring? Pac-Man allows you to kid yourself that you too can make a difference in a fantasy world where one wrong move spells death.

The board itself is a masterpiece of subtle imagery, with Masonic imagery filling the narrow confines of the screen in Pac-Man's search for enlightenment. You play the role of an ADD drug addict on the run from the law, aided by a brilliant performance by four demon possessed umbrellas. In what may be the most cutting satire of all, these "good cop" "bad cop" "fast cop" "mad cop" characters are given nicknames reminiscent of the three stooges and shemp, whimsically commenting upon the degradation of American intellect through fluoridation and the prevalence of slapstick comedy. These teletubbie predecessors are as lively as they are despicable, and in many ways they represent the true heroes of the Pac-Man saga, in their tragic confused effort for a cause they can neither comprehend nor justify. Sexual tensions abound between the four, and the prevalence of pinky/clyde fanfiction alone implies that there may have been more going on in the back allies of the arena then the creators were willing to admit.

Pac-Man is in a race against time and the forces of order themselves, in his madcap attempt to fulfill every hippie's fantasy. A slave to his addiction, Pac-Man must consume all drugs on the screen before fleeing the scene of the crime, as reality itself warps around him, sending him hurtling from one corner of the screen to another. With the add of power pellets, the first TRUE product placement in a commercialized video game, Pac-Man is able to call upon all the powers of repressed male sexuality and send the heterophobic "ghost" characters running. But in the greatest irony of all, true evil can never be defeated, only briefly assuaged, as the recently violated members of law will only be back for more.

The apocalyptic scenario our hero finds himself in only grows worse as he is forced to consume all that lies within his path. Policemen, fruit, keys, even small children fall victim to Pac-Man, eater of worlds. His insatiable hunger grows with every level, forcing the player himself to choose between sacrificing Pac-Man's drug-addled soul, or pressing onwards in a futile quest against a system set up to torture the iconoclastic into submission.

In the end, Pac-Man, like Jesus, must sacrifice himself to end the cycle of violence that is tearing his world apart. His tiny form is inverted upon itself as he literally eats his own tail... only to be reincarnated at the touch of a button. Pac-Man raises even deeper questions about the nature of death, salvation, and a belief in an existence beyond the twisting nether. The misunderstood savior continues his Pavlovian quest after a fulfillment that is denied to him by the forces of bigotry and hate. It is impossible to leave Pac-Man's symmetric dystopia without reflecting upon the futility of pleasure and search for higher meaning we must all face.

Pac-Man is the template from which all true video games were wrought. Unlike the sell-out Pong, it gave us a new genre which pushed the limits of the level of violence that would be acceptable for an American audience. We are all Pac-Man on the inside. It gave us a second look at a world we too often hide away, and let us in on the deepest mazes and ghost filled caverns of our own souls.

Pac-Man died for your sins. A vote for Pac-Man is a vote for God.

Written by Villainous Magus

Games Pac-Man has appeared in[]

Pac-Man
Pac-In-Time
Pac-Man 2:The New Adventures
Pac-Man World
Pac-Man World 2
Pac-Man World 3
Pac-Man Rally
Mario Kart Arcade GP!

Contest History[]

Summer 2002 Contest[]

1) Pac-Man - 72.21% (41,150) vs. 16) Goemon - 27.79% (15,839)
1) Pac-Man - 62.84% (32,607) vs. 9) Kyo - 37.16% (19,282)
1) Pac-Man - 42.26% (28,936) vs. 5) Scorpion - 57.74% (39,539)
Ranked: 29th

In 2002 Pac-Man was flying high as the 1 seed of the South Division. Even though he wasn't the favorite to take the division (Link was) many people thought he wouldn't lose until he faced him in round 4. Signs of him being weaker than what we thought started in his first match against Goemon. He couldn't even triple him and he was a nobody. The next round Pac-Man failed to even double Kyo, while Terry and Iori were both crushed back in round 1. Even with the weaknesses he showed in the first two rounds many people still thought Pac-Man would have no problem making it to Link. To everyone's surprise Pac-Man lost to Scorpion (who shouldn't have gotten past Max Payne), it wasn't even close. Pac-Man lost a lot of respect on that day.

Summer 2003 Contest[]

5) Pac-Man - 49.05% (45,905) vs. 12) Kefka - 50.95% (47,678)
Ranked: 54th

Combining Pac-Man's bad showing in 2002 and the major hype for Kefka {people thought he would give Crono a hard time), Kefka was the huge favorite going into the match and pairing in that the guy who beat Pac-Man already lost didn't help Pac-Man's chances. It would take an act of God to give Pac-Man a winning chance. When the match picture was released that act came true. It was Pac-Man vs. lettuce and the board who was a big fan of Kefka didn't take it lightly. After much yelling and flaming the picture stayed and the match began. Kefka built a lead of 2000 before Pac-Man began to cut into it, but it was too late. Even with the huge picture advantage Pac-Man lost. Pac-Man was in the line of SFF because of Kefka/Crono

Summer 2004 Contest[]

13) Pac-Man - 32.27% (24,299) vs. 4) Luigi - 67.73% (51,008}
Ranked: 58th

With the popularity of the x-stats rising no amount of SFF would've convinced people that Pac-Man had a chance against Luigi, but many people were talking about him breaking 40% in this match and it soon became the most talked first round match of the division (it was a boring division). Many people believe it would be the closest first round match in the division. The match began and Luigi destroyed Pac-Man. He made it look like there was no SFF in the Crono/Kefka match. It was later discovered that Pac-Man was SFF by Luigi, but no one believe that one character could SFF another character if they weren't from the same company. Link/Mega Man proved it was possible, but it didn't become acceptable that Pac-Man was SFF until 2005.

Summer 2005 Contest[]

7) Pac-Man - 51.25% (46,343) vs. 2) Revolver Ocelot - 48.75% (44,075)
7) Pac-Man - 27.17% (22,893) vs. 3) Yoshi - 72.83% (61,377)
Ranked: 62nd

With 1st round losses in 2003 and 2004 this was beginning to look like Pac-Man's last year in the Summer Contests. The only thing that would make Pac-Man stay was if he could beat Ocelot, which at the time was unpossible since Ocelot came out from a great showing in the villain's contest. That was the mentality of the beginning of the first round, but as the round progressed people started to change about what might happen in that match. Some of the reasons was that people started to believe Pac-Man got SFF by Luigi, the massive hype of Ocelot began to die down and Pac-Man getting the huge picture advantage (even though that was the same Ocelot picture used in the Bowser/Ocelot match). What started as an easy win for Ocelot turned into a nail-biter match in a course of 31 days. Almost everyone had Ocelot in their brackets, but the majority of the board was cheering on Pac-Man. After Ocelot built a small lead of 400 Pac-Man came back took the lead and ran away with it. Most of the board was happy for him even though almost everyone had lost a point. There was almost no whinning like we usually get in most upsets. The only problem of Pac-Man winning was that he had to face Yoshi next round. Pac-Man then got SFF really badly against Yoshi. We haven't got an accurate reading on Pac-Man since 2002, but it doesn't matter since Pac-Man winning most likely saved himself from being snubbed in 2006.

Pac-Man

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