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Who is Serious Sam?[]

In a world where companies try to make the most realistic games possible, one company goes out of the norm to be different: Croteam. Their game? Serious Sam for PC. Its huge enemies, loads of weaponry, and self-made "Serious Engine" really made it stand out among critics, and all that for the budget price of $29.99.

But I'm not here to tell you about the games, but rather their star: Serious Sam. One look at him, and you think he's just your ordinary man. Wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans and red sneakers, he seems like your regular joe. With huge muscles and a square-jaw, he's cleverly generic-looking. The kind of guy you can go get drunk with a party, and then totally deny you know him the next day. Yet, when he starts shooting, he's a hero of another kind. Serious Sam fights through huge, colorful worlds ranging from Medieval towns to huge cities and Far Cry-like islands against the evil Mental, who nobody even knows what he looks like. Hundreds, heck thousands of enemies fall upon Sam to stop him. Clowns with exploding pies, giant alien football players, and robot cigar-chewing dinos unleash hell upon you in waves. Yet Sam is a master of weaponry. Uzis, shotguns, exploding parrots, you name it, he'll wield it with skill.

Serious Sam himself is a redundant man. He's not very serious about anything. He's not fighting for the world...rather just to shoot and kill more people. Sam's fun is expressed through the funny cutscenes and corny one-liners that he spouts through his adventures. Many do believe he is an intelligent man, often questioning the tasks he must perform. When picking up a shotgun, he states, "Who leaves all these weapons scattered around?" When a switch needs to be pulled, he responds, "Hmm...I bet its in a corner somewhere...". He wont pull punches not to offend anyone either. On one of many escapades, he found a "Duke Body" hung on a tree; sunglasses, boots and all. "Looks like he's been there FOREVER!" quips Sam, an obvious rib to the much laughed at Duke Nukem Forever game.

In conclusion, Serious Sam is a great man. The levels in his games basically consists of shooting hundreds and hundreds of enemies with over-sized weapons through huge colorful worlds for hours. Not to mention the huge, lifebar-toting bosses at the end of each level that dwarf Sam. Yet, he does it all with a big, sadistic grin.

And if Serious Sam II, with its improved graphics and 16-player co-op is any indication, Sam going to be fragging for a long time to come.

Now go out and buy the game. Seriously.

"We can do this the hard way, or my way… they're basically the same thing." - Sam "Serious" Stone

(Writeup courtesy of TheKoolAidShoto)

Serious Sam's Contest History[]

Win-Loss Record: 1-1

Summer 2002 Contest - West Division - 3 Seed

  • Western Round 1 --- Defeated (14) Mr. Driller, 32301 [58.73%] - 22696 [41.27%]
  • Western Quarterfinal --- Lost to (6) Mega Man, 5414 [8.16%] - 60914 [91.84%]
  • Extrapolated Strength --- 62nd Place [7.01%]

Serious Sam is by FAR the weakest character to ever actually win a contest match. We always preach that any character can win a match if put into the right situation, and Serious Sam's match with Mr. Driller proves why. Sam, who would end up 62nd in the 2002 X-Stats, was given a 3 seed (easily the biggest case of overseeding of all time) and a first-round match against the character who would eventually finish dead last in the stats. Sam's blowout of Mr. Driller is still the finest example of a fodder on fodder blowout we have, and we may never again see two characters this weak in the same match.

The funny thing about all of this is that no one knew how weak Sam would be until his second round match with Mega Man. With Mega's killing of Ms. Pac-Man still fresh in everyone's minds, Mega went out and flattened another character in virtually the exact same way, though it being a second-round match caused an absolute ton of OMG WTF MEGA'S KILLING HIM LOL topics.

Obviously Sam has yet to return to the contest field, and his performance against Mega Man really says a lot about how pathetic Mr. Driller is. Driller got blown the hell out by the character who would only end up scoring 5414 votes in one match.

Sam vs Driller vs Tanner, Triple Threat! Gogogogo.

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