Board 8 Wiki


"Vlado's Awards for Posting Excellence" (or in short, "VAPE"), is the name of a project started by Board 8 user Vlado on August 15th 2006. The awards are also referred to with that name. The goal of the project is to single out one post a day, the post that has entertained Vlado the most for the day, due to a job well done by the poster. An archive of all the winning posts is kept here on the Wiki, as well as the active VAPE topic on the board. Of course, due to topics purging on the board, only here do you have access to an actual archive of ALL VAPE winning posts in history. It must be noted that the original idea was of SHINE GET 64, and Vlado gave him full credit for it.

List of VAPE winners[]

August 15, 2006 - UltimaterializerX
August 17, 2006 - Lord_Jimmy
August 19, 2006 - Steiner Shocker
August 20, 2006 - The Hardcore Kid
August 21, 2006 - transience
August 23, 2006 - TheRock1525
August 24, 2006 - Lucid Faia
August 26, 2006 - sephsblade
August 28, 2006 - ZenOfThunder
August 31, 2006 - FigureOfSpeech
September 5, 2006 - SythaWarrior
September 7, 2006 - KleenexTissue50
September 9, 2006 - Various
September 10, 2006 - SythaWarrior (first two-time winner)
September 11, 2006 - Aeon Azuran
September 12, 2006 - La Hire
September 14, 2006 - Jinglejoe007
September 20, 2006 - browns90
September 22, 2006 - Edouble
September 23, 2006 - Trunks the swordsman
September 25, 2006 - FigureOfSpeech
September 26, 2006 - UltimaterializerX
September 27, 2006 - WiggumFan267
October 1, 2006 - Inviso
October 3, 2006 - FFDragon
October 6, 2006 - The Raven 2
October 10, 2006 - sephsblade
October 12, 2006 - Mega Mana
October 14, 2006 - somdude04
October 17, 2006 - xGxUNITx
October 18, 2006 - RockMFR 5
October 19, 2006 - Inviso
October 21, 2006 - The Hardcore Kid
October 30, 2006 - Stingers135
November 7, 2006 - SmartMuffin
November 13, 2006 - FFDragon
November 14, 2006 - FigureOfSpeech (first three-time winner)
November 17, 2006 - sephsblade
November 19, 2006 - TheRock1525
November 23, 2006 - Lloyd1337
November 24, 2006 - Angstroms
December 31, 2006 - NFRERESSURECTED
January 4, 2007 - Metool
January 8, 2007 - Bokonon_Lives
January 11, 2007 - ExThaNemesis
January 15, 2007 - Smurf
January 24, 2007 - FMFleader
February 1, 2007 - FigureOfSpeech (first four-time winner)

Latest winner[]

February 1, 2007[]

FigureOfSpeech (in response to Vlado)

I am who I want to be.

I actually believe that a lot more from a "Vlado = joke account" perspective than a "Vlado = serious account" perspective. Of course, I would not make such a bold statement without the proper elaboration.

As a serious Vlado, you want the board to be a certain way, but your efforts only backfire. You would consider yourself a failure for this, but you never give up, despite knowing that your next attempt at changing things or opening peoples' eyes will backfire yet again. You want to be different from those who you disagree with, but that just doesn't happen. You're not different at all, just on the opposite side of the arguement. You're as different from your haters as a person is to his/her reflection in a mirror. You despise conformity but preach it to others (to conform to your beliefs). I don't have any idea whether you preach individuality and freedom of thought because you shoot down anyone who practices it (unless they coincide with you). You are a person who posts here only to be entertained, but there is too much you disapprove of. If television has nothing entertaining on, do you not turn it off? Of course, changing the channel is the first instinct. You haven't changed the programming on this board, nor will you ever, so you're left with 2 choices: turn it off (leave) or try to enjoy what is on (conform). Could you be happy with either choice? Absolutely not. Why? Because you'd be in defiance of who you want to be, and you'd be conforming either way. You aren't happy with the way board 8 is, and therefore, you want to be a person who is unhappy with the way board 8 is (because you are who you want to be). Therefore, you enjoy the disatisfaction. Someone who enjoys dissatisfaction is rarely happy with who they are...

Now, as a joke Vlado, you are exactly who you want to be. You are a bringer of disorder and chaos. You stir up a cauldron of strong opinions and dominant personalities to unleash all kinds of turmoil and mayhem. And yet, no one knows who you really are. You're good enough at pretending to be serious that no one can prove you aren't, but you give just enough to tease and tantalize, keeping "Vlado is a joke account!" rumors alive. Self-controdictions baffle and enrage the masses to the point where any topic you create becomes a mushroom cloud in no time at all. You are the most controversial and polarizing figure in recent board 8 history. You couldn't be happier. You can manipulate practically anyone. You have people that hate you more than anyone else on the board, and you have a healthy amount of die-hard fans. You love both groups. You need both groups. And so I ask the question that begs to be asked, are you just a brilliant user or are you a brilliant user's alt? We'll never know. You've been around a long time but other people have been around longer. If you're an alt, you could admit it and reveal your identity in the biggest board 8 meltdown ever... and we still wouldn't believe you. That's how deep-rooted you are... and you love it.

I thought up both of those little user profiles off the top of my head and I mean both with the most possible respect, so don't get me wrong. You can't deny that you are inconsistant. Both of these scenarios could be completely false, but they're both plausible, as are many others I could come up with. My only intention with this wall of text post is to put this all out there for you to think about and for everyone else to think about.

Archive of VAPE winning posts[]

August 15, 2006[]


This topic is a nice little microcosm of Board 8. A BS moderation gets deleted for trolling; only Nintendo fans would have even bothered marking something like that in the first place, and leave it said Nintendo fans to justify how anything spoken against their glorious little company can and should be modded with vengeance.

I also like the N-Gage example, given that someone was modded for trolling the system on said system's designated board. This place, despite what 90% of the people here think, isn't Nintendo Central. Saying that Nintendo is doing something stupid or that you like something else better isn't trolling.

Goombas. Always walking forward, never thinking for themselves, to the point where they will walk off of a cliff and kill themselves at their master's becking. They are a nice mascot for Nintendo fans.

PWNED BY Z1mZum in the Guru Contest! Congrats!
Now Playing: Resident Evil 4, KH:COM (Sora), Larussa 92 (NYY), FE8, SFAA

Note: The post was in FourthDeus' topic where he told the board about a ridiculous Nintendo-related moderation (he was modded for trolling because he responded to a Sony-insulting joke with a joke about Nintendo) of his. Naturally, given the board's huge Nintendo bias, a lot of people went in and attacked FourthDeus, instead of siding with him, Ulti saw it and struck them down. Sadly, this very post went on to later be moderated.

August 17, 2006[]


Topic title:

Chess n00bs suck

Post text:

Right, I'm playing a game of chess with my sister and halfway through our game, we notice both her bishops are on white squares, and that the stupid twit had made a mistake somewhere and moved one of them sideways. At that moment, I was totaly flogging her, and still had both my rooks on the bottom row. I beleive that when this happens, and is only realised many turns later, the piece is to be removed from the board, becuase there's no other way to handle it without unfair loss of pieces and is a good punishment for not paying attention to what fricking piece you're moving. My sister, being the n00b she is, says "Oh no I have to put one of them on a black square" and then proceeds to move one of her bishops all the way across the board onto a spot that constitutes that no matter what I do, I loose a rook. I tell her she can't do that, and she gets all crappy and overturns the board because she can't win any other way.

And then she calls me a bad sport.

I had to stop myself from caving her face in. In fact, if she hadn't ran for the knife drawer and pulled a steak knife out like the cowardly pshyco she is, I probably would have.
how do you know im 11 - disney_channel

August 19, 2006[]

Steiner Shocker

Caelus walks into a bar.









He gets very drunk and assaults an old lady.
Andel thought he was the only one capable of not living up to a bet.
[King of Board 8]

August 20, 2006[]

The Hardcore Kid

Topic title:

Smurf, Viper, Warbot, Phantasy Zero, c'mere a second!

Post text:

*bops the users in question w/ a skillet* That's better!
You Cannot Kill what is Hardcore...

August 21, 2006[]


I could pick this whole thing apart if I wanted to.. but then I'd be trolling. I'll pick my spots.

- Next gen Nintendo console, which means a lot right there. It's the console the industry needs -- striving for innovation, excellence, and a completely new way to experience gaming.

this.. really isn't any different than Sony or anyone else's.

- Revolutionary new way to play games and immerse yourself into the experience. But with the classic controller, the opportunity to play in the more "traditional" way is there.

see above.

- The fun factor, as in every Nintendo system, is arriving with great force. And the Wii is bound have some amazing multiplayer/online games, as well as plenty of party games.

I like the party games for Nintendo systems a lot myself, but I don't understand what you mean by "Nintendo is fun and the others aren't".

- Variety. Variety, variety, variety.

like... Smash Bros 3, Zelda 10, Mario 15, Metroid 8 and..? if you want to talk variety, other consoles have owned Nintendo in the past and will probably continue to do so.

- All the awesome franchises. Nuff said.

I'm not seeing: Final Fantasy, Metal Gear Solid, Halo, a whole mess of cult RPG franchises.. you could go on for hours.

- The speaker feature in the remote, nunchuck also able to detect motion, and possibly more secrets that Nintendo hasn't even unveiled yet all wield potential.

didn't they say there was no speaker in the remote? doesn't really matter to me though, this isn't appealing to me - if putting a speaker in a controller is what "innovation" is, I'll pass. I've yet to see why doing this would make a quality game. I rather like my games the way they are.

- It's not made by Sony. Therefore, 99.5% of the system's library won't be garbage.

oh.. I should have skipped to this one. I see what I'm delaing with here.

Note: The above post was written in a response to a random Nintendo fan's bashing against Sony and blind praise of Nintendo products. The quotes from RNF's post that transience responded to are in italic.

August 23, 2006[]


"Hey, keep your hands off the Jeritron 5000! It's obscenely expensive!"

"Kevin Nash? That guy would tear his hamstring answering the phone."

"Like I said, Benoit, I'll fight you anywhere. I will fight Chris Benoit in the ring...and Chris Benoit in the back...I will fight Chris Benoit on a boat...OR Chris Benoit with a goat! Chris Benoit when the score is tied...or Chris Benoit as a blushing bride!...that one's my favourite too, I love that one. I will fight Chris Benoit while he is taking a quiz...or Chris Benoit as the total JACKASS that he is! You see, Junior, I will fight you any day, because, baby, I am Y-2-J!"
R-O-C-K. Got it memorized?

Note: The above three are Chris Jericho quotes. I guess the award technically should be for Jericho, but it was TheRock1525 who posted them.

August 24, 2006[]

Lucid Faia

Topic title:

Randy Orton + Dragonball Z = ASCII

Post text:

................................................ ./.........\\|.............\

2nd Place, Spring Contest 2005
Elite Gamer (see quote).

August 26, 2006[]


Topic title:

Terry Bogard's contest analysis

Post text:

That's right! What nobody has asked for: A contest analysis written by a fictional character!

Anyone who expects an actual serious analysis weighing the pros and cons of each character may be disappointed.

Anyone who does not like reading something that appears to have been written by an engrish speaking deranged drunk with a german accent whose natural language is Esperanto may not want to read any further either.

Enjoy. Or... Don't.

HI! You murst GIT SEWIOUS! Mageman?! BUST DA ROOF! SNOIC?! RISE ME TACO! Godon Farman?! OKA! COME ON!

Andry, he hep SMAUS rin! BUT SMAUS urse ENAGY BAM! BAM! Live Wire!

Live Wire =/= Godslaya!

Geese... GEESE KLL MA FADA! Geese wont KO to round 2! Geese not in teh Tounamen? Neva mind. Tryin to ovaCOMEON! alcuhol. Bin a big problem since ma godslaya day.




Nidoran F vs Samus

SMAUS?! Enagy Bam.! NIDORAN?! EF?! Rukie! Neva enterad KING OF FIGHTA TOURNAMENT! Shingo fodder, AND SHINGO?! Rukie of Rukies! Let face it- Shingo harv no saced fire- Nidoran have no saced frames eider.

SMAUS has framethrowa- Prasma BAM! Rosted Nidoran, America Style! Hey!

So! Teri, me, wa waking down da street afta BUST DA ROOFing Geese out da winda! Wild Woof? Yea! Wen, I wak in da bar, and lata, much lata, afta dey trew me out (alcuhol + engrish =/= fighting strength- unlesss yu Chin), I saw KYO KUSANAGI! I challange him to a DRUEL- but I can't hut him! Fist does not'ing, except hut the fist.

Then I realise- EPHINANANY- That not da Kyo! That da lampost!

Then da cops rest me fow beang totalla drunk.

Burt! BURT! Andy, ma bro, he isa GODDAMN NINJA, BABY! Bust da roof me out! Hey hey, all's far in... someting. I forgot! I am da drunk! Yo!

Case?! CLOSED! Are ru oka?!
"Jam is adorable what with not knowing what an arsonist looks like"- Some Canadian who hates Belarus

Note: Sephsblade made similar analyses to the matches of the whole Character Battle V. It was truly one of the best projects to have ever graced the board.

August 28, 2006[]


Mmmm, boobies.

“Achoo!” Lady sneezed into her 78th tissue. She was feeling sick after visiting Mt. Everest to retrieve Ms. Croft for her 32 people. She needed to pick up the pace and get the rest of her competitors, but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it. She rang the bell above her bed and requested a pen and paper. She scribbled something down and called in Michael, the butler. Michael was 16, underweight, was too skinny for his own good, and had a creepy interest in young women. Very young.

“Yes, mah lady?” he asked with his odd accent. He had been born in the “Troll Land.” He liked to “study” girls. “What can I do for j00?” He couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering down to her chest area. Lady threw the pen at him. It went through his eye. “Yay, no I can be teh pirate!” Michael wiped up the blood and put on an eyepatch that he just happened to be in his pocket.

“You ing idiot. Get your pedo ass down to the world of Kanto and pick out a female trainer for my 32. Make her strong and wise. I have Sabrina in mind, from the city of Saffron in mind, but if you see anybody better, pick them. Now I only have one chance to enter this world and I’m giving it to you, and whoever you bring back becomes part of my side. So don’t screw this up or you’ll lose something much more precious than your eyesite.”

“Shouldn’t you be sneezing?”

“Oh yeah... ACHOO! Happy? Now get out of my sight and get down to Kanto!” She threw him the coordinates she had written down.

Michael grumbled as he went down the hall to the portal room. He greeted others as he made his way down the hall. He passed many other servants who all spat at him. He resisted the urge to talk about how he broke a g-string while fingering a-minor.

He arrived at the portal and put in the coordinates. He was ing to himself about how he had to do it. He stepped through and hovered over the Kanto area. He tried to spot a suitable trainer. He went over to the Saffron gym and eyes Sabrina. He wasn’t into dominatrix and leather, Mjcool was. He then went over to the Cerulean gym and watched Misty for a while, under his invisibility cloak. His pants got a bit hard, but Misty was too old for his tastes.

He stopped over at a berry tree and started eating them, ignoring the sign that read “Pokemon berries - If humans eat them, they will get violent diarrhea.” He continued to pick the berries when he heard a shrill, young voice from behind the tree. He started getting hard already.

“Go Nidoran! Attack the Kingler’s weakpoint for massive damage!”

Michael observed the young girl battling with a much older man. She was using a blue rat with a horn on it’s head. The man was using what appeared to be a giant enemy crab. He was Japanese, wearing a pink shirt and had a very high pitched voice. But what caught Michael’s eye was the girl’s short white skirt and tight black sleeveless top, flowing brown hair and cute white cap.

“Bon4r” he whispered to himself. This girl must’ve been around 12. Hey, if there’s grass on the field, then play ball!

The crab started hammering the rat with it’s massive claw. Obviously this was very one sided. The Nidoran F quickly went down. The man in pink laughed at the girl, taunted her, took her money, and drove off in his Ridge Racer. The girl started to cry as she held her weak little rat.

“Nidoran! Oh, my poor little Nidoran F!” She held it close to her breast. “Why am I so weak? Why! I wish I could be a Pokemon master like that Ash kid! Waaaah!”

Michael was still fixed upon her breasts. Oh, how he wished he could be that Nidoran. “Hawt!” he said to himself. This time, she heard him.

“Who’s there?” she sobbed. “Another trainer here to take my money? Go ahead, I’ll never win! I’m a failure!”

Michael came out of the bushes and sat down next to her, trying to cover the bulge in his pants.

“There, there.” He hugged her. He loved hugs. “I’m here to make you and offer you can’t refuse. I want to take you away and help you become a Pokemon master!”

“Oh... oh really?” the girls eyes glimmered. ‘Zomg bon4r’ Michael thought to himself. He loved the innocence. Somewhere up in the sky, God was crying.

“YA RLY” replied Michael. He then scooped her and her Nidoran up in his arms and flew up into the sky.

“A-are we flying?” asked the girl, alarmed.

“Indeed! Tell me, girl, what is your name?”


“Well then, Heather, prepare yourself for the journey of a lifetime!”

The was a flash of light, and they dissapeared into the sky.

Later that day:

“What the , you little er! You bring me a 12 year old girl with a level 6 Nidoran F! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO WIN MY BET WITH SIR IF I HAVE SOMETHING AS WEAK AS THAT!”

“Well... Sir has Tingle!”


Lady pulled out a dagger and threw it right at Michael’s wingwong. Michael closed his eyes, but did not feel pain. He peeked, and saw that the Nidoran had grabbed the dagger at the last second.

Lady smiled. “Maybe you do have a future!” she laughed.

By ZenOfThunder

August 31, 2006[]


so one girl is intimidating and the other is new and exciting? Ok here's what you do. Kill the intimidating one and throw the body into the ocean. The new and exciting one won't know you already have a girlfriend and even better, you no longer do! So then you go and be new and exciting with Ms. new and exciting. This will last for about 1.82-2.117 years before it will no longer be all that new and exciting. You kill her too (and throw her body into the sea as well) and find yourself a newer and excitinger and hotter girl. By now, the first girl will have become some sort of seaweed skeleton thing and she will have inevitably gathered an army of shark zombies. The 2nd girl, now dead as well will run into the first one and will be all "hey" and the 1st one will say "***** you took my boyfriend and made him kill me!" and the 2nd one will be all "lol no wai he killed me too becuz of some other *****!" and they'll giggle and say "^.^" and stuff and then will create a massive empire of shark zombies and ghost pirates. Now this is where things get complicated. You must collect the Jewel of Blortharr and take it to Lerbl Cave, where Captain Skeletor Jr.'s ghost can be found. He is the original ghost pirate. Offer him the jewel as a gift and tell him about the army/empire of the dead girls. He will say to return in 11 days. Now, go have hawt secks with your 3rd girl (the one you killed the 2nd girl over) and get bored with her too, but DON'T KILL HER! Instead, bring her to Captain Skeletor Jr. He will tell all of the world's ghost pirates not to listen to those *****es you killed. They obey him always. Now you have the ghost pirates on your side. The shark zombies will not be so easily convinced. Have Captain Skeletor Jr. contact his space buddy Lord Zarkobluerk89. You will offer your 3rd girl as a human sacrfice to the alien lord. He will blast earth with a "Happy Shark Zombie Control Ray" and they will be under your control. Now you've got the pirate ghosts and the shark zombies and your dead ex-girlfriends have only the Lizard King and his pitiful legions of 3-headed spiders. They will be defeated easily, which will mess up the flow of time and set the whole world back several years right to the point where you posted this topic. Then you can decide how to approach the situation you're in now. Trust me. That solution works. I've done it 4 times.
There's nothing wrong with empty space

September 5, 2006[]


Number 37:Goro Damian

Never in the history of video games has their been a video game character I would accuse more of being a baby eater than Goro Damain. Hell... Look at this face.

If you can not picture this man saying... "Gimme your Baby!" (For he shall eat it.)

You have already forfeited your childs life. See this picture?

That is a Picture of Goro. Sizing up his next meal. Now on to the gameplay.

Goro has some pretty cool gameplay. He can create ruptures in the ground and then cause miniture earthquakes by striking at the ground he has Ruptured. Besides this he has a huge supply of Grabs. And quite possibly... My 4th fav Grab super. Why? I love the Quad motion of it. Inputting all the follow up motions is fun. I dont know why. It just is.

Matter of fact. If one thing about Goro did not exist. I would play him. He has this Glitch called "The Bug" This Glitch allows him to Get some REALLY stupid juggles. Like... df+C,qcb+B,df+B,qcb+B,HCF+A,OTG hcf+C thats like 40% of a life bar. Because of a Glitch on his Antiair. Making Jumping Against Goro a Pain. Luckily... outside of this Glitch. He is a Poor version of Clark with a nice low poke. And Since "The Bug" is barred from tournaments... Goro is not the nightmare he should be. Eh...

"Life is only baby eating. Baby eating and bowling."~ Goro Damian

Note: This is just one of Sytha's awesome write-ups on the King of Fighters '98 characters. You can read the rest here:

Sytha Ranks the KoF98 chars. With Write ups.

September 7, 2006[]


Alright, I guess I'll actually do it right now.

#1 - Secret of Mana (SNES)
Favorite Character: Thanatos
Favorite Song: Angel's Fear

This is it, what all of you (that's right, all 5 of you) have been waiting for the past month and a half! That, of course, is barring the fact that most of the people following this topic saw it coming anyway. I don't care. I never turn up a reason to write paragraph that don't go anywhere about this game, which, unbelieveably, is what I'm going to do here in this post (or two posts, depends on how long I ramble).

A lot of you probably don't agree with Secret of Mana > Seiken Densetsu 3. I know Not Dave doesn't for sure. I also know that certain others don't agree with Secret of Mana > Street Fighter 2, but you know what? It's the damn truth. Sure Seiken Densetsu 3 may technically be better in most aspects and Street Fighter might have Hadoken (actually, so does this game, guess SF2 fails in that as well !!) but I like SoM better.

I first played this game...oh...3 years into my SNES's life span. I don't remember the year, I'd say 1995-1996 or thereabouts. One of my neighbors rented the game from generic local video rental place #1 and, upon realizing it was multi-player, promptly came over and made me play with him. For the most part, this was the pre-RPG-whore me, so it wasn't something I thought I'd like right off the bat. But you know what? It was fun! So much fun, in fact, that over the course of the nest year (until Christmas rolled around) I rented that game one hell of a lot of times. Often keeping it longer than I was supposed to. I didn't care if my file got erased every time I re-rented it (though not always), I had no problem starting over from the beginning. Once that Christmas rolled around, I finally got a copy of my own. Amazingly, I never actually beat the game in those many rentals. I finally owned the game! Excellent!

How many times have I beaten this thing? I'm not really sure. I'm not like some people who've played their favorite game 50, 100+ times. I've certainly played it over 10, probably encroaching on 20. I've even done a straight playthrough, where I played the game from beginning to end in one setting (took about 6 hours if I remember right). So at this point, if you asked why this was my favorite game, I could probably just point to what I've written so far and say "because I can write something like that about it." But I won't do that, I'll talk about all that good gameplay stuff too.

Gameplay stuff. I dug the real-time (kinda) battles when I first played the game, and I still do today. And it's not a button masher, either. If you try that, it'll take you quite a long time to beat the enemies, doing 1-3 damage a hit. It's actually a pretty good balance that I think works slightly better than SD3's which has almost no downtime between attack. I also liked the charging aspect and leveling up weapons so they can do different higher-power attackes. There's 8 weapons, 8 levels each (well, ok, 9). That's easily more than SD3's 3-per-person. Overall, I like the magic system here a bit more too, with a bigger, easier to access selection of spell. I can't bag on SD3 too much, it was #5 on here, after all, I'm just explaining my reasoning to the inevitable WTF SoM > SD3?!?!

I've said story's important to me when I play my games, and sure, SoM's isn't really anything super spectacular. But for the game that it's in, it does work. The main characters manage to not be as bland as they could have, given the situation, and even many of the NPC have their own unique personalities. Some pretty awesome villains (well, one awesome villain and some mediocre ones) help round it out, though I will admit, the ending is beyond stupid. But hey, you can't have everything, right?

Of course, the big selling point here was the multiplayer, and it did work at the time. Unfortunately, the fact that whenever someone wanted to go into the menu, they had to pause the entire game for everyone, something that wasn't too much fun when spamming Salamando on every boss with a Cure Water thrown in for good measure. If they were to do something similar to FF:CC, where each person's command ring would appear on their own GBA screen, though, so the action would never slow down, that would be awesome. Having it online would work, essentally, too. Speaking of which, everyone here better get the rumored Mana MMORPG coming out for the Wii some day. And Dawn of Mana. Get that one too. Children of Mana looks iffy.

And now that I'm done advertising (Seiken Densetsu is my favorite game series, if you weren't able to pick up on that yet), time to do this other mini section.


Favorite Moment: Everything in PureLand

This whole area was a ***** the first time I played the game. Regular enemies smashing me for 250+ damage when my characters only had 500-600 HP. 6 bosses. It was all good stuff. But now, it's easily my favorite area in the game, I look forward to it the whole time, and I hate when it's over. I love these "holyland" aspects of any game (Solaris in Xenogears, Seru-Kai in Legend of Legaia stuff like that) and this one is no different, especially now that I wipe the floor with those damn Griffon Claws. And it all leads up to one of the coolest scenes in the game, when the party reaches the Mana Tree, only to have Thanatos laugh in their fave and blow the damn thing up after all that work getting to it. Sux! Luckily, you find out that the Mana Tree is your Mother (kinda) and there was enough energy left to charge up your mana for the final fight. Sure that last part was pretty lame, but whatever, the whole place was awesome. The only regret I have is that they never let you go back through the area after you've completed it.

And BAM! There it is. The list is finally finished and I made a write-up for a game that was a lot longer than I had expected to make when I first started typing. And thus concludes my top 50 games thing, and don't be expecting another writing project from me again for a while because, let's face it, I'm lazy. As for a complete list of all my top 50 games, you probably won't get one of those either (once again, the lazy strikes).
Proud supporter of Axel, Jay Solano, and Midgar Zolom for SC2k6.
Now playing: Oblivion, Shadow Hearts, Phoenix Wright

September 9, 2006[]


Guy on the Right topic.

Note: The Guy on the Right topic has now purged, but it was where this picture was discussed:

Look at the guy on the right.

September 10, 2006[]


Number 17:Rugal Bernstein

First off. This man is a CHAMP. **** staying dead. Hes Immortal. Hes French yet his Last name is a German one and his kids are CLEARLY German. Speaking of his Kids... They are the greatest new characters that SNK has created recently. I love Adel and Rose Bernstein. Its like Rugal spilt in 2. His pure awesomeness and fighting style went to Adel. And his crazed ideals of win went to his Daughter.

His Ideals? I want to fight people then dip them in liquid metal so I can savor their defeat. The best way to do this is his giant airship. (Come on Someone this evil MUST Have a giant airship where he plans his pointlessly evil deeds, its a proven fact.)

When Heidern Heidern went after him for kidnapping his family. He killed his entire unit. Killed his hostages and ripped out Heidi's eye. Now I know SNK has a hard-on for ripping out Eyeballs. Only Hideo comes close to the 1 eye fetish that SNK had.

Let me reinact the Goenitz, Rugal part.

Goenitz:Rugal fight me, *Random Orochi Priest saying here with a Speech*

Rugal:Whatever sure.

Goenitz:A good wind blows...

Rugal:What the **** does that mean?

Goenitz:Eyeball plucking attack go!

Rugal:Argh my eye! I think I'll become evil now! (Batman Villains have this same logic...)

Then Goenitz gives him a glowing Red eye of awesomeness and some Orochi Powers that he so badass you'll never really see him use anyway.

^^^^ Basic Rugal backstory here.

Now he has more evil hot Secretary's then is really needed. And you know he is tapping all of them. Hell one of his win pose in 98 for his normal self (Non Omega version.) 2 Random women come out of nowhere and Rugal gives off a Pimp look.

Now his look. He has 4 Main looks.

KoF94 look. Red Trenchcoat+Most awesome walk ever. KoF94 part 2=True Version. He loses the coat and starts busting out moves that will make you **** yourself. 95 look:Omega look with the Gray hair and crazy red eye that wont stop glowing. And even more "How am I suppose to beat him-ness" KoF98:Mesh Shirt. Why? No one knows. But he makes it look awesome with a Mullet. KoF98 Omega.:Now hes Broken and has Gray hair. KoF2k2:Hes like Gray Skin? 0-o Still awesome.

Capcom Vs. SNK uses his KoF94 look. With the pimp walk.


No one cares that he is bottom tier in 98. Hes made of win. He dances on top of people's knocked out bodys with one of his supers. Slams people against Walls. 3 times in a row. And its BOTH walls in your standard 2D Fighting. So he'll fly across to the other side. Back and forth. Awesome. He has Geese Howard's Sig move. And Wolfgang Krauser's Sig Move. KAAAAAAISSSAAHH RAVE! (Kaiser Wave.)

Love Rugal. If only he was good like Mid Tier...

September 11, 2006[]

Aeon Azuran

Man, watching this poll I bet Sephiroth impaled Aeris at the end of disc one.

September 12, 2006[]

La Hire

Topic title:

I voted Nidoran F, because I am a human being.

Post text:

What's that you say? Why woudl being human cause you to vote for Nidoran F?

Instead, I ask you, Why would being human cause you to not vote for Nidoran F?

Nidoran F is more than a mere pokemon. Nidoran F is a shining beacon in the pokemon games, yes, but Nidoran F is far, far more than that. Nidoran F is symbolic, wonderfully so. It is so terrifically symbolic that I, just now, had to bring up my hand and wipe a tear from my eyes in order to continue on.

How, you ask, can a mere pokemon be symbolic? Moreover, what is that mere pokemon symbolic for? Why, Nidoran F represents the struggle of life in a very general sense, and humanity specifically. What is it about Nidoran F that represents humanity?

Well, let's start with the "F". Nidoran F is one of the first pokemon for whom gender truly mattered. Nidoran M? Most pokemon were male by default anyway, (Well, Jynx and Chansey were female by default in later generations, but Jynx and Chansey are both creepy *****es in their own horrible ways, so they are unfitting to be symbols in the way that Nidoran F was.) so while Nidoran M was in the same boat as Nidoran F, Nidoran F's role was far more important.

Of course, it's not merely that gender actually mattered to Nidoran F that made it symbolic of humanity. After all, many species are not asexual. No, the important bit was that Nidoran F proclaimed itself to be different from the rest of the Pokemon in its own special way. Nidoran F strives to differentiate itself from the rest of the pile of pokemon. Nidoran F rises above the rest, despite being significantly weaker than many pokemon. Likewise, Mankind struggles to differentiate himself from all of the other animals in his own way. Mankind may have been "weaker" than all of the other beasts, but Mankind's own attributes pulled him out of the pack, so to speak.

Furthermore, Nidoran F simply exists in the wild, fighting for survial, competing with other pokemon. Nidoran F struggles against all odds, attempting to get stronger through besting the other pokemon in competitions. As Nidoran F grows stronger and stronger, up until the point at which it becomes so strong that it is almost unrecognizable as the puny being that Nidoran F used to be. Humanity, likewise, fought against the beasts, attempting to rise above them in his own fashion. Eventually, he became stronger, so much stronger that he could no longer be thought of in the same terms as he was originally thought as, that being a weak, silly bipedal ape. Humanity ascends through struggle, as does Nidoran F. We are both creatures of hardship.

Nidoran F, however, after ascension, can attain the next plateau in a much more hasty fashion. By reaching out and grasping something new, something unnatural, almost, Nidoran F(Now Nidorina) can become a Nidoqueen. This ascension by artifice brings Nidoran F to a regal status, truly the ruler of its world. Mankind is the ruler of this world, and it woudl be foolish to say that it was through any means other than our artifice. Mankind is king on earth because of artifice, just like Nidoran F.

So, you see, Nidoran F is clearly a shining beacon, a symbol for all of humanity. I, as a human being, obviously vote for Nidoran F, whose heart burns with a frightening likeness to my own. Sister, you have my support.

The fact that Nidoran F is losing in the polls is simply another sign of how bad the times are getting.
It's impossible that anyone could experience even the slightest notch beneath absolute ecstacy when graced with even the thought of my presence.

September 14, 2006[]


Topic title:

Why Kingdom Hearts 2 Is the worst sequal ever made.

Post text:

Kingdom Hearts 1 had a certain forgivable charm to it. The whole idea of reliving your favorite Disney moments won over the camera flaws, and the plot was actually relatively enjoyable. Combat got really fun, especially once you got a few nice skills to play with, and enemy design was really cool. On top of that, it was actually rather challenging. Hard mode will rape your ass.

Sure, its levels were kind of bare and empty, but it was an experimental game. Square took a risk, and it eventually paid off. The groundwork was laid, and pretty soon there was talk of a sequal. It was exciting. More Disney worlds. A darker story, to appeal to the aging market. New abilities. New combat ideas. New characters.

How could it go wrong?

It came slowly. Simmered. Little by little, new info came to light. Tron world!? Hell yes! Longer game? Yay! Lion King? Hooray!

The game got a prequal to the sequal. Chains of Memories. Gameplay was generally atrocious. Too simple for card-battler fans, too complex for action game fans. But it had an awsome story. The new villains are a shadowy organization, stealing your very identity. They have an inner hierarchy, a philosophy, politics and strive. They fought each other as much as they fought you. Each one had great personality. They each had their own ideals. It was good. It was GOOD.

So rare to see JRPG villains well-developed. It set up perfectly for Kingdom Hearts II.

A year passes. FINALLY, KH2 is released, after a remix of KH1 and an entirely seperate game to build up interest, in one of the greatist marketing techniques we've seen in recent years, the game is released, and sells in droves.

And its...its...

Bad. No, not bad. Disappointing. So disappointing.

The plot pacing was botched. An all-star cast did their best, but Sora was, while likeable, didn't have any development. He'd done his development, and it was suddenly realized how little his character could change. He'd grown up. He was like the popular kid returning to school. He had no uphill battles. He handled every situation perfectly. Most characters were like "HAY! YER STRONG! GO WINZ OUR BATTLEZ!"

This isn't bad though. its a sequal. He can't be a total zero at the start of his same adventure. But, truly, he didn't have to work all that hard at this game. Every "level" was essentially five empty rooms filled with different amounts of enemies that needed killing. Well, we have brand new combat skills to use, right?

Oh yeah, new combat. Apparantly, you can now press TRIANGLE instead of X to do even MORE damage. You can press the R1 button so that when you press Triangle, it does faster and shinier stuff.

What about the new worlds? Well, like I said, most of them were just empty rooms filled with enemies. Besides a few outstanding and relatively challenging boss fights, most of the tauted and anticipated aspects were...simply cheapened, lessened, and unexciting.

But the plot. Surely, with every B+ to A- list star offering a voice to a famous disney, Final Fantasy, or "original" character (I say original with parenthesis because...well, you'll see.), the plot HAS to be good. Right? Right?

Well...lets say this. Remember all those really good and well-developed villains in Chains of Memories? Well, they're all dead. Literally and philisophically. They've been replaced by a bunch of generally bad-ass, yet utterly shallow villains who waltz around in matching outfits wielding really big weapons and shouting out mindless poetry.


These guys are dangerous, they are cunning, they are ruthless, but you LOVE them. You WANT them to win. They're misunderstood, their misrepresented, they're desperate, fighting a war they didn't choose, trapped in an Organization they didn't create, following a madman who offers their only hope of salvation.

This sounds like the greatist cast of sympathetic villains ever. BUT.

There is a but. They're ruined. Every one. Despite dealing handidly with pirates, meshing with the Disney worlds you explore, going toe-to-toe with your spunky heroes, they are ruined. They're empty. Not just because they technically have no souls, but because there is NOTHING to them. They're just an enemy type. No history, none of that great inner politic and relationship play we see in Chains of Memories. They vanish off screen as soon as they come on, leaving you hungering for more.

One gets developed, only to be turned from a firey, intellegint berserker into a lovesick queer who's got the hots for some non-exsistant shadow of a main character who is utterly oblivious to everything around him. Its horrid. Its a cop out. Its an attempt to give him some degree of "honor" or something, and it just makes him laughable.

Sure, you feel for him. But, he's not the character we came to love.

Sora, the ever-plucky main character, isn't much better. Halfway through the game, you come to realize that he isn't fighting for anything more then just the sake of fighting. Hell, most of the villains he encounters don't even want to fight him. They just want to rescue their former member from deep within the confines of Sora's soul. Its almost sad how blind Sora is to his own ignorant ideals.

The game supports his mad quest to slaughter every single person in the world who wears black. Every character builds him up, applauds his strength, curses and spits at the empty villains who seem to represent nothing more then a bunch of misguided fools stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The final conversation between Sora and Xemnas, the main villain, is intensely depressing. Xemnas gives an overcooked and overdelivered speech about how sad it is to be him, and Sora says all he is is a Nobody, a monster without emotion. The game says he's right. But he's not. That's just it. The Organization members are the true victims in this game, because they ARN'T Nobodies. They have their own personalities and minds and ideals, and despite this, they have to die. Not because they're bad, but because they are THERE. Its almost sickening.

Toss in some jacked up Matrix-rip off intro sequence, a loopy Keyblade tie in, and the most homoerotic (yet deeply satisfying) ending ever seen in a video game, and you have Kingdom Hearts 2.

Tetsuya Nomura had the greatist idea ever. Give us stylized nostalgia, taunt us with remixes and spin offs, let our desire simmer for years and years, and then crap out the prettiest mistake of a game ever released.

His producer said he'd included enough content for four games. Well, I wish he'd just focused on making the one game we deserved to play.

Was that so far to ask?

Kingdom Hearts: Dead and buried as of 2005. Bye bye love. Hello emptiness.

Originality is dead.
Best Shadow Hearts RP on the web! Join 'cause I said so!

September 20, 2006[]


Topic title:

I'm about to take a test...

Post #1:


In Business Law, so, anyone think I'm gonna fail?
my B8 enemies: Screw Face, Applekidjosh, Elite Hunter
my B8 friends: LadiesMan2, IceHawk

Post #2:


GFNW Carry on the Legend!
SilverKiller: Unpopular on GF since '02

Post #3 (20 or so minutes later):


I did very well on the test, so u can shove it
my B8 enemies: Screw Face, Applekidjosh, Elite Hunter
my B8 friends: LadiesMan2, IceHawk

September 22, 2006[]


Topic title:

OMG a brand new Alucard game announced at TGS! Alucard Kart dated!

Post text:

As many of you probably know, the TGS is going on RIGHT NOW and Microsoft and Sony both held their flop press conferences. Nintendo knew better and didn't show up as the Alucard Inc. conference would have made them look just as bad as Sony and MS.

Alucard Kart now has a date of November 12th 2007! If you didn't reserve it last year you wont get a copy for a few years. And NOW the newest game from Alucard Inc.

There it is! Alucard Party 7! Now many of you may be saying WTF there was no Alucard PArty 1-6. Well that's exactly what makes this game so innovative and fresh. It's already the 7th installment and it will feel completely NEW. Not many game series can make that claim. Here are some details

-Will be a multiplayer game. ONLINE
-Not for Gamecube
-For a next gen system
-The plan will be an item
-Many more characters to come

And there we have it everyone! TGS is no longer the flop fest it was turning out to be when MS and Sony were babbling about how they wish they had plans.
All part of the plan

September 23, 2006[]

Trunks the swordsman

Topic title:

They see me trollin....(All credits to Trunks the swordsman for lyrics)

Post text:

They see me trollin
They flamin
They tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
My text is so bold
They hopin that they gon catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty

Moderators think they can see me lean
I'm firewalledtint so it ain't easy to be seen
When you see me troll by they can see the glean
And my shine frrm the front of my computer screen
Type to a noob, be like shut up
Next to the Joy2Key controller is a is a book for pro insulters
Turn a newbie into a coma
Girl you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone
Just tryin to troll ain't tryin to kill no newbies
Laws of anti-trolling you know they hate me
Insults turned all the way up until the maximum
I can speak for some fanboys tryin to beg for some
But I'm packin somethin that we have and um will have a fanboy locked up in the maximum
Purgatory cell, I'm grippin coke
Typin loud and typin bold
typin and typin like hit this gold
Lurk up from behind and troll his ass
Windows open gotta stop confusion
Noobs flame fanboys like who is that producing?
Got mod notices in every forum except GFAQs but I still ain't losin

They see me trollin
They flamin
They tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
My text is so bold
They hopin that they gon catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Tryin to catch me typin dirty
Look! A NINJA!
Steve irwin forever!

Note: The topic was made by the user Sirkukuking, however, as you can see from the topic title, it was really another person who created the lyrics, hence that person getting the award.

September 25, 2006[]


I don't like the pledge either. I'm not unpatriotic. I don't care about the whole "under God" thing. I just don't like wastes of time. Honestly, what does the pledge accomplish? Is it supposed to teach patriotism? If a kid grows up to love his/her country, it's not because of some ****ing pledge. If he/she grows up to be unpatriotic, it's because of a lack of the pledge. It is completely and utterly useless. Standing up and droning the pledge is no different than standing up and droning "zorbel zark glurgo floog ass face blarglog zerk" or any other gibberish. Maybe it teaches kids to be loyal to their country, something they wouldn't learn at all without saying the damn thing everyday.

(kid grows up without pledge)
Guy: omg a terrorist!
Terrorist: hay. wanna join the terrorists?
Guy: lol ok y not? *signs*

(kid grows up with pledge)
Guy: omg a terrorist!
Terrorist: hay. wanna join the terrorists?
Guy: um, gee. I'm real sorry buddy but I kinda... I kinda took this pledge a while back.
Terrorist: pledge?
Guy: Yeah. I pledged my alliagence to America. If I joined your terrorist group, I'd be kinda, you know going back on my word.
Terrorist: Which would make you less credible.
Guy: Yeah exactly. I'm real sorry. I mean I appreciate the invitation and all
Terrorist: No no. It's quite all right. A pledge is a pledge. One cannot simply go back on one's word!
Guy: I'm glad you understand.
Terrorist: So you're upholding your loyalty to America, my enemy.
Guy: Yes
Terrorist: We can still be friends right?
Guy: Sure! Of course.
Terrorist: Great, great... listen... um... *puts hands behind back and brushes toes against ground* would you like... nevermind.
Guy: What?
Terrorist: It's nothing
Guy: We're you going to ask me out?
Terrorist: Well um...
Guy: Why don't we get some coffee.
Terrorist: You mean it? You really mean it?
Guy: Of course I do! *puts arm around terrorist*

Wait I competely forgot where I was going with this
I won a Vlado award :-)

September 26, 2006[]


Topic title:

According to political scientists, the U.S. has never been more hated than now.

Post text:

Or more specifically, the time period between 2002 and present. And what sucks is that because our idiot president is an electorate of we the people (supposedly), he brings down the image of an entire nation with him instead of simply the half that bothers believing his crap. I like how now we're essentially being told that we shouldn't think; "Don't speak out against us being in Iraq, because we're doing the right thing. I'm going to hold yet another meaningless press conference to tell you why fighting 'terrorism' is anything but a jihad mission".

Terrorism is an ideology -- a way of thinking, not a physical action that can be measured by shallow morons in the Oval Office. The only way to fully kill it off is to kill potential terrorists faster than they are born, yet people don't bother considering the common sense approach of whether or not violence begets more violence. I almost guarantee that most Iraqis will admit that the situation now is worse than it was when Saddam ruled, but we only see what we're presented by our own media. It's far too easy for U.S. citizens to paint their own kind as "good guys" and everyone in the Middle East as "bad guys". The circumstantial evidence is obvious, given that Bush's sad strategy of "We can kill anyone in the Middle East, because they're all the same and my people won't know the difference" actually held water with the people for a time.

Even sadder is that the people don't care half as much as they'd like you to think. America is as self-centered as ever, evidenced by Bush's approval rating climbing back up to 45% in direct proportion to falling gas prices. We're in an age where $2.00 per gallon is considered cheap, but I digress.

Our founding fathers had amazing foresight, because they didn't trust their own people to vote on anything informatively -- hence the Electoral College's inception. In a lovely twist of irony, that same system originally put Bush into office in 2000. He was reelected in 2004 (albeit with some shady as hell patterns in Ohio, with many black districts voting for bush despite there being nothing whatsoever in the GOP platform for the average black person in America), and the entire world greeted the decision by laughing their asses off at how stupid we are.

Do Bush and his fellow Southern warmongering bible-thumpers care? Of course not. Not so long as his patriotic world police force and flag-waving "GO GET THOSE DURN TER'RISTS" mentality reigns, with over half the nation's budget being poured into stopping an enemy that's half as likely to kill you as your own bathtub.

Eisenhower once said that a county's identity follows its spending patterns. Over half of America's money is put into the military. I don't know the exact figures, but I'm willing to bet that a good chunk of Asian money goes into education.

Iran's leader may be a complete jackass, but he makes a good point. This isn't 1950 any longer, and we aren't in the period following World War II. America's world-ruling mentality is going to crumble, following every last empire preceeding.

Thanks to our last four presidents for turning this once-beautiful country into the entire world's joke. Even the people that are aware that Bush is an idiot are hated the world over, and will never be viewed with respect again. Thanks a lot.

Winner of the Spring 2004 "Best. Game. Ever." Contest
Now Playing: Disgaea 2, KH:COM (Sora), FE8, Castlevania: LoI

September 27, 2006[]


Topic title:

GFNW...a highly contagious disease...and also a lie... all these years... *RANT*

Post text:

Think about it.

We know, to this point anyway, that Gordon has never won. GFNW. It's a disease, a virus, he has.

BUT, it is also contagious. Every opponent that Gordon has ever fought has never won a match after facing Gordon. Why? Because they got too close to him and contracted the near-lethal infection!

We have Tina Armstrong in 2002. She beat Gordon in her first match. She then lost to Aeris and never reappeared.

In 2003, we had Max Payne. Max Payne was actually 1-1 in 2002, so he had won a little. After defeating Gordo in '03 though, he was defeated by Sephy. The next year he returned, trying to rid himself of the horrible scars left on him by this flesh-eating virus, but he met defeat at the hands of Tommy Vercetti and never returned, subject to the horrors of GFNW.

In 2004, our infected nerd tried his hand at the ever oh-so-popular, Samuel Fisher. Sammy went into this match 0-1 (a loss at the hands of Magus), and became the 3rd to defeat the sickly one. The following match, he was raped by Samus... understandable... most people are... but it didn't matter.... the virus was there.... Poor Mr. Fisher just didn't know it yet.... He returned in 2005, unbeknownst to him that the virus was getting stronger on him, as Fisher was doubled by the Master of Disaster, Donkey Kong. Victim number 3 for our man in need of immunization.

Then, came 2005, and Gordon's urge to "kill"..... or rather... "take down his opponent with him" rose again, as he fought the zombie slaying protagonist of Resident Evil 4, Leon Kennedy. Like the past 4 times, Leon made short work of the man who was going on his 4th year with the same illness. And oce again, Gordon made his secret strike. Leon got doubled by the Bomber. And is there any doubt he'll get beaten by Bowser? Of course not.

With the exception of Tina, each character has fought (and lost) their next round battle right after Gordon, appeared the next year, and lost in the first round, then never returned. Gordon has already struck down 3 people in this manner, and he's aiming to have the disease that he inflicted last year cut down his 4th victim...

Is this all a part of Gordon's plan? To take down his enemies slowly by infecting them with his disease, that he's clearly built up an immunity to all these years, that other characters can't handle? Has his losing all this time actually all been a hoax...? A way to fool the masses into thinking he's weak....? A way to take down his opponents one by one, without actually beating them, until only the strong and the fodder (like Phoenix Wright) remain?

So, let's look at his possible 5th victim.... Phoenix... if Phoenix wins... well... the same pattern may very wll hold true... Phoenix would lose to Sora, and then probably not make it out of the first round in 2007, so he won't return. Very possible. That would be Victim #5 indeed....

But if Gordon wins, impossible as it may seem, then Phoenix is a victim anyway, and Gordon has simply finally put his plan into full-fledged action, taking down an opponent by actually BEATING them.

So, let's summarize then... if Gordon's oppoent loses... well, then it seems either that GFNW has affected the opponent SO QUICKLY, that it causes them to lose that very match, or that Gordon is actually trying to move on to the next phase of his plan winning........ So, obviously, if Gordon wins, then he wins.


On the other hand, if Gordon faces an opponent and that opponent wins... then that character actually loses, since they're around no more and Gordon still is... hanging around with his immunity, while the others are susceptible. So, like in the past, when Gordon loses to an opponent, in actuality, that opponent actually loses, since he dies to the next few opponents and then never returns... while Gordon disappears... so since Gordon's opponent lost...... does this mean Gordon actually won when he lost?

And if this has happened the past 4 years... then has Gordon been fooling us all this time?

He's made us think he never wins, by pretending to fall victim to this terrible disease that he's actually immune to (or built up since '02 or '03 maybe). But, if that was actually all "pretending" then could it be that....


Indirectly anyway.

In summary overall then, GFNW is a disease that Gordon is immune to. When others fight him, he inflicts the character with that disease. He pretends to be unpopular and pretends to lose. The disease slowly eats away at the other character as they lose and lose and eventually never return. Gordy always returns though. He maybe realized this after 2002, or maybe before the contests even existed, that he could use his immunity to his advantage. Tina was actually more susceptible, as she was only in 1 extra match, and never returned. Tina, Max, Sam, and soon to be Leon (who already has been inflicted, and will soon lose, and maybe never return) have all fallen in this manner. If Phoenix loses, Gordon has perhaps finally decided to stop the facade... This would defeat the concept of GFNW, and perhaps it would finally cure Gordon of his horrible disease... Unfortunately, he may not be able to use it to his advantage anymore, unless........

UNLESS..... maybe that would be just a trap too, and it just so happened that Phoenix was SO susceptible to GFNW, that he went down from it before the match was even OVER! And thus, even though he "technically" won, one could argue he only "won" as much as he won the matches from 2002-2005, that he still had GFNW.

If Phoenix won however, well, then the pattern would continue, as it would anyway (if the latter about Gordon winning was true), and Phoenix would get owned by GFNW, and Gordon would live to fight another day.

Also, I have reason to believe this disease may also have affected Alyx, but I believe she isn't immune to it.

So, in conclusion... Gordon is using his actual disease to his advantage by destroying, surely but surely, everyone in his path.....

Every time Gordon loses the battle... but he wins the war.

I thank you for your time.

Hope you enjoyed the read! =)

Cry of the B8er: "God, I don't even know her name. All I know is that I want to have sex with her."
~PkmnPtrch Happily married to Alanna82 on VDay 05

October 1, 2006[]


Topic title:

Why doesn't Inviso and Vlado kiss?

Post #1:


Becuase they're the same person.

Post #3:


For the last time, Inviso and I are different people!
"You're like me if I was being directed by George Lucas."-Ellen (El Goonish Shive)

Post #4:


o wate i mess up
"You're like me if I was being directed by George Lucas."-Ellen (El Goonish Shive)

October 3, 2006[]



~~~1. My Precious G-Virus~~~

Game- Resident Evil 2


If the previous event on the list was the climax of Raccoon City's downfall, then this is most certainly the catalyst that set things into motion, and tells yet another tale of Umbrella's treachery and deceit. However, this story begins far, far before September 29, 1998 and far before Resident Evil 2. In essence, William Birkin's story is the story that provides the entire basis to the Resident Evil series. To truly understand this scene in its entirety, we have to go back to the very beginning...

The Umbrella Corporation was founded by Lord Ozwell E. Spencer, with the aid of Dr. James Marcus and Sir Edward Ashford, sometime in the 1960s. While Marcus and Ashford were more interested in conducting research on the Progenitor Virus, Spencer was very overzealous in his ambitions for power and wealth. Ashford died in 1968, leaving the running of Umbrella solely in the hands of Marcus and Spencer. Spencer faded away into the shadows, leaving the research and the labs to Marcus while beginning to blend in more with the Umbrella Board of Directors. It is here where Spencer began to brood and turn ugly, becoming paranoid and distrusting of all but his most close of confidants. This would become a deadly paranoia that would span over thirty years of bloodshed and backstabbing, ultimately ending in the ultimate sterilization of Raccoon City...

William Birkin joined the Umbrella Corporation at the age of 15 in 1977, at the same time as a 17 year old Albert Wesker. At the Umbrella Management Training Facility the two became close acquaintance and friendly rivals, both seen as the head apprentices under James Marcus. The three of them made great advances on the T-Virus until the facility was closed down in 1978. Intimidated by the combined developments on the T-Virus in such a short amount of time, and fearing for his spot on Umbrella's Board of Directors, Spencer began to grow increasingly paranoid of Marcus. Before Marcus could present his findings to Umbrella's Board of Directors, Spencer intervened by moving the project's development to the Arklay Mountains facility. Seeing great potential in the two child prodigies, Spencer himself assigned Wesker and Birkin to the newly founded Arklay Mansion Labratory, making them both cheif researchers on July 29th, 1978. Marcus however was given a very unceremonious position, tucked away in a portion of the mansion labs, though he did get to keep his title of Head Researcher on the T-Virus project.Birkin was giddy at the fact that he had become Umbrella's youngest head researcher ever. He would later be usurped of this title by Alexia Ashford in 1981 when she became head of Umbrella's Antarctic facility at the ripe age of 10. This would serve to wound Birkin's ego and spark a bitter rivalry between the two, though his wounded morale led to slump in research coming out of Arklay, a spell that would last until 1983.

It was also around this time that Wesker began to question Spencer's motivations. Although they had managed to get the T-Virus into a 90% infection rate, Spencer would settle for nothing less than perfection. This perplexed Wesker, as it did not seem profitable in the slightest to go after the final 10%, but he shrugged off these thoughts as he began working on a project that would eventually lead to the creation of the Hunter series. The slump in research was ended almost instantly when the news of Alexia's death reached the Arklay labs in 1983. With his rival gone, Birkin snapped out of his depression and became more driven and more determined than he ever was before. Research on the T-Virus skyrocketed, and the advances were becoming exponential.

Again though, Wesker questioned Spencer. From all of their research, the T-Virus was able to infect just about all living tissue, to include plants, insects, and animals. Wesker couldn't understand for the life of him why the Arklay lab was built inside a forest, because a small outbreak would be able to spread faster and further given the conditions they were in. Unless of course, that was the plan all along... Wesker again pushed these thoughts to the side for now, and continued his work with Birkin... Through the next decade, Wesker, Birkin, and Marcus each made several different and similiar advances on the T-Virus project, ranging from perfecting the virus, the Hunter project, the Mammalian projects, and even a basis for the Tyrant project.

Fast forward to 1988, where Spencer's paranoia was reaching a feverish peak. While Wesker and Birkin had been making great advances with the virus, Marcus had been doing just as well on his own, away in his own little laboratory. However, Marcus was still making a bid for a seat on the Board, while Birkin and Wesker were still content with their research. Trusting the two child prodigies more than his co-founder, Spencer ordered Wesker, Birkin, and a team of Umbrella's Special Forces Unit to assassinate Dr. Marcus... With Marcus dead, Spencer was the last of the founding trio to survive and thus, cemented his position in Umbrella's hierarchy forever (or so he thought), and his fear and deceit began to slowly fade away...

After Marcus' death, Birkin was given full control of the T-Virus project, and he ran with it. Worst of all was the fact that he absorbed all of Marcus' research (far more than he had been able to compile in his time at Arklay) and claimed it all as his own. Together Wesker and Birkin continued to tear through viral research with the aid of their guinea pig Lisa Trevor, beginning research with the Nemesis parasite, and eventually completing the Tyrant project. Birkin had succeed where Marcus had failed in taking the T-Virus as far as it could go, and then attempted to further one-up his mentor when he discovered the G-Virus in Lisa Trevor in the early 1990s.

Spencer gave Birkin the the approval and funding to start the G-Virus project in 1991, separating him from the Arklay lab and giving him a new lab of his very own inside the Raccoon City sewer system. Not wishing to pursue the same dream as his friend, and becoming increasingly more suspicious of Spencer, Wesker decided to pull out of full-time researching and instead become a part of Umbrella's Secret Service, destined to become intricate mole inside the RPD STARS division a year later. Wesker was dumbfounded that Spencer had actually allowed Birkin to pursue the research. He cynically noted that Spencer hadn't shown up at Arklay for years, almost as if he was expecting something bad to happen there. Even with Wesker's move to the secret service, he hadn't been able to get any more insight into Spencer's plans, and he so desperately wanted to know what was going on at the top of the pyramid, what thoughts were running through Spencer's head. Birkin continued to plow though his research on the G-Virus, making advance after advance, to the point where it looked like the G-Virus would become an even more successful virus than the previous T-Virus. However, on July 23rd, 1998... Everything changed.

It had taken ten years, but Dr. Marcus had finally returned for his revenge on Umbrella, revived at the hands of the T-Virus leeches he had loved so much. Marcus took charge and leveled the Arklay Labratory with the T-Virus, the place he had worked in for all those long years, the place he died in. He also infected an Umbrella commuter train that led to the former training facility that he was once in charge of. Marcus had been loyal to Umbrella (and Spencer) from the day it was born, and he had been betrayed by the three people he trusted most. And although his attempt at revenge was eventually crushed by STARS, it sent into effect a chain of events that would see his goals accomplished. Seeing this outbreak occur (which Wesker had called in the early 1980s mind you, almost 20 years before it actually happened) Wesker was officially done with Umbrella. His suspicions and discontent with Spencer had become too much, so he was going to leave for good. However, he was going to make both Spencer and STARS think that he was dead, thanks to special virus that Birkin must have been developing on the side. Wesker wanted desperately for Birkin to see what he saw, but William was clouded by his research, not wanting to abandon his G-Virus when he was so close to seeing its completion...

Birkin: "You can't be serious! I refuse to abandon my work! I've finished my research on the T-Virus, but I need a little more time to complete the more powerful G-Virus."

And so Wesker disappeared while Birkin reclused himself under Raccoon City, the Mansion incident fading out of memory as he began to see the fruits of his research come to life before him. In fact, the G-Virus was becoming even more amazing than even Birkin had imagined it could. Birkin was making outstanding leaps and bounds for Umbrella, his faith never once wavering from them. From his first day with Umbrella, Birkin was loyal to Spencer, Wesker, and his research, never once compromising his dedication to any of them. He was so dedicated to his cause, even after the Mansion Incident, that he was hoping to get a place on the Board of Directors after presenting his research on the G-Virus. He wanted to help lead Umbrella into a most prosperous future...

To: Mr. Brian Irons, Chief of the Raccoon City Police Dept

I have deposited the amount of $10000 to the account for your services this term as per agreement. The development of the G-virus scheduled to replace the T-virus, is near completion. Once completed, I am certain that I will be appointed to be a member of the Executive board for Umbrella Inc. It is imperative that we proceed with caution. Redfield and the remaining S.T.A.R.S. members are still attempting to uncover information on the project. Continue to monitor their activities and block all attempts to investigate the underground research facilities.

~William Birkin

In a fit of de ja vu however, good ol' Spencer became fearful at how influential Birkin would be on the Board, especially after being the figurehead of all three of Umbrella's huge projects (T-Virus, G-Virus, and Nemesis Project) in the past twenty years. Just as he had with Marcus, Spencer began foaming at the mouth at the mere thought of losing any of his political and economical power over the company he had helped to create. For the first time since Marcus' death there was someone powerful enough to challenge his power in Umbrella, and that drove him insane. Even though (just like Marcus) Birkin was as loyal as you could get, Spencer could not see through the veil he had covering his eyes, and began setting plans in motion to usurp Birkin of his power. Without Wesker being around to back him up, Birkin was alone to fight off the entire corporate power of the megelomaniac Spencer...

To: Mr. Brian Irons, Chief of the Raccoon City Police Dept

We have a problem. I have received information informing me that Umbrella HQ has sent spies to recover my research on the G-virus. There are a number of unknown agents involved. They must not be allowed to take this project away from me as it represents my entire life work. Search the city thoroughly for any suspicious persons. Detain any such individuals by whatever means possible and contact me immediately through Annette. With these precautions, any possible threat should be eliminated. I will not allow anyone to steal my work on the G-virus. Not even Umbrella...

~William Birkin

For the first time in 21 years, Birkin's faith in Umbrella began to waver, and for good reason. Spencer's paranoia had corrupted his mind long ago, and was beginning to collapse the Corpoartion from within. However all of this was still rumor on Birkin's part... Fearing more and more that these rumors were going to blossom into reality, Birkin finally shed his Umbrella shackles, and made the conscious decision to finish the G-Virus research and then keep it for himself, selling it instead to the US Government. This of course trickled back to Spencer and only served to boil him over even further... Spencer handed down the order to the Umbrella Special Forces Unit, using Umbrella France as a middle man, basically signing Birkin's death warrant...

Operation Instructions

Orders for Special Agent Hunk are as follows:

Penetrate Umbrella research facility located outside of Raccoon City. Recover G-virus sample from Dr. William Birkin. You are authorized to use any means necessary to secure this sample. Upon recovery, sample is to be delivered to Loire Village. Failure on this mission is NOT an option.

French Division R&D Facility Head Manager Christine Henri

And now my friends, you have the background on this scene. Ozwell Spencer's cold and distrusting nature, Birkin's rise through the ranks, the almost carbon copy attack on Marcus years before this incident, and all of the irony that goes into making this scene one of the best in all of Resident Evil...

Welcome to September 22, 1998. Just another day for William Birkin inside of his sewer laboratory. Despite his fears of an inside attack against him, he continue his work on the G-Virus. Lo and behold, after seven long and arduous years, after splitting ways with his best friend in quest for it, after becoming Spencer's next target because of it... The G-Virus was complete, and Birkin could be no happier. Everything that he had been striving for was there, right in front of him in all of its glory.

William: It's sheer perfection. My precious G-Virus, no one will ever take you away from me.

Little did he know, the result of Spencer's treachery was waiting for him just outside his door. As Birkin was simply taking in his creation, two members of the USFU Alpha Team burst into his lab, guns at the ready. Birkin hastily tucks most of the vials of T and G-Viruses into a case and throws away his chair. The USFU soldiers slowly begin their advance as Birkin begins to back away, pointing a pistol at them and clutching his case tightly...

Umbrella Soldier: There he is.

William: So, you’ve finally come.

Umbrella Soldier 2: Doctor, we’re here to collect the G-Virus sample.

William: Sorry, but I won’t just hand over my life’s work.

As he was backing up, Birkin inadvertantly knocks a jar off of the counter, and it crashes to the ground. Thinking Birkin had fired a shot (or using it as an excuse), one of the soliders opens fire, peppering Birking with round after round to the upper torso until the other soldier pushes his gun away...

Umbrella Soldier: Stop it! You might hit the sample.

Umbrella Soldier: That’s it alright. Okay, let’s move out.

Collecting the case that had fallen to the ground, and with no remorse for their actions, the USFU soldiers make their escape, their job done. Birkin is left barely clinging to life, still clutching a vial of G-Virus in his hand. The gunfire attracted his wife Annette, who came running into the room now.

Annette: William... Oh my... Hold on darling, I’m taking care of that bullet wound first... Stay here.

Birkin can't form any words, his mouth simply hanging open. He manages to look up at Annette, but there is nothing left for him there. As she goes to get help, Birkin raises his hand and looks at the vial in his hand, his mind racing in the very last seconds of his life. I'm sure it is at this very moment that everything came full circle for Birkin, and what makes this such a great scene. His entire life as a researcher flashed before him, from the moment he stepped into the Training Facility until the moment he got shot. He now saw Spencer for who he really was, never taking the time to pause and look at him in the light Wesker had years before. Wesker had seen something like this happening, but Birkin had chose to ignore that in the face of research, and he had paid for it. Birkin now knew, felt, exactly how Dr. Marcus had felt that day back in 1988. Felt the pain of betrayal, the sting of knowing that your trust had been misplaced. And most importantly, he felt the same burning desire for revenge that had been brooding in Marcus since the day of his assassination. Birkin came to see Umbrella for what it truly was, and that made him sick. Spencer had never cared about him, only his ability to produce results. The very first time Spencer had felt threatened by Birkin he had turned on him, and as he lay dying Birkin finally saw the blinding light of truth... And it set him free. It was at this very point in time that Birkin knew he had but two choices left in him: A) Die on the floor of his lab, letting Spencer obtain yet another underhanded victory, and allow his research to become the stepping stone for another young researcher -OR- B) Become the very embodiment of his life-long research and make sure that Spencer attoned for the sins of his past... With the very last bit of life in his body, William Birkin attached a syringe to the vial in his hand, and injected himself in the abdomen with the G-Virus... His head instantly shot up, and his eyes went wide (and red !!), and Birkin knew that he was doing the right thing... He was getting revenge on Umbrella, not only for himself, but for Dr. Marcus, and every single other employee that Spencer had wronged...

The scene cuts now back to the sewer, where the USFU was waiting for extraction, when an unearthly roar mixed with gunfire echoes off the walls.

Umbrella Soldier: What was that?

Umbrella Soldier: Something’s wrong, let’s check it out. Over there!

William Birkin, now a first phase G-Type, was stalking the ALPHA team of the USFU. Specifically, the two men that raided his lab, shot him, and forced him to become what he was now...

Umbrella Soldier: Shoot it!

Umbrella Soldier #2: Eat this, you freak!!

Umbrella Solider: The bullets... aren't stopping it!

Umbrella Soldier #2: What is this thing?

Umbrella Soldier: Noooooo!

Round after round from the automatic weapons smack into Birkin's newly mutated body, and not a single one manages to do any damage to him. Birkin simply closes in on them, a bit sadistically I might add, and lowers his claw... In a flash, the two soldiers are dead and their death scream bounces off the sewer walls, attracting the attention of the other soldiers in the sewer. Birkin tosses the body of one USFU member aside and instead turns his attention to the case that had fallen open on the ground. With the remaining bit of human rationale he had left inside of him (and yes, at this point in time I am convinced that Birkin still had at least some, if not most, of his human mind intact. Basically, he knew what the hell he was doing...) Birkin begins stomping open vials of T-Virus, as well as picking up several other vials and breaking them open, scattering their contains all over the ground. He was starting the outbreak that would bring the death of Raccoon City, and with it the death of Umbrella. Two other USFU soldiers round the corner, and Birkin roars once more, spreading his claws into the air.

Umbrella Soldier: What is this thing?

Umbrella Soldier #2: Fire...Fire!

Umbrella Soldier: You Sun of a...!

The two soldiers begin peppering Birkin with everything they have, but in seconds he is on them and one of the soldiers falls dead to the ground, his chest sliced open. The other soldier vainly tries again, but his gun clicks empty, and he is forced to back up against the wall. His breathing gets heavy as he resolves himself to his fate... There is the awesome shot of the eye opening on Birkin's arm, and then the final soldier screams out his last breath... And then, the picture that speaks a thousand words- The sewer rats crawling all over the spilled T-Virus, lapping up the puddles. The same rats that were shown in Outbreak to be the initial carriers of the virus into the city...

Just as Human Birkin took Marcus' idea of the T-Virus and made it 10 times better, BOW Birkin took Marcus' idea of revenge and made it 10 times more destructive. Marcus may have taken down a train and the Arklay Lab, but that was just a speedbump for Umbrella, that was a minor inconvienance at best. Birkin however single handedly brought Raccoon City and Umbrella to their knees. Though it may seem that Birkin has a bit role in the Resident Evil series, especially RE2, I'd go so far as to say that Birkin is one of the five most important characters in the entire storyline. His rise to glory as a researcher under Marcus and Spencer, his betrayal of Marcus, his continued rise to glory, getting betrayed by Spencer, and the full circle turnaround of revenge is just too perfect to ignore.

The drama and irony of it all come together perfectly here when you know the entire story. William Birkin is pivotal to the story of Resident Evil, and the story of his life, death, and rebirth has got to be my favorite ark in the RE universe. From 1977 to 1998 Birkin shaped the events that led to Raccoon City becoming a biohazard wasteland... And when **** hit the fan, and the truth was revealed to William, he made the only decision that was left to him... He brought down Umbrella.

Ada: That must mean the creature in the police department is...

Annette: Precisely. My husband William. And it is all Umbrellas’ fault... None of this would have happened if they hadn’t tried to steal his research away from him.

Married to PepsiPlunge June 01, 2005: HERO'S PLUNGE!
(Metal Gear Solid 2)

Note: This post (or rather, a series of 5), is part of FFDragon's Favourite Resident Evil Moments topic.

October 6, 2006[]

The Raven 2

Topic title:

Make way for Great Khali! Say hey! It's Great Khali!

Post text:

Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar
Hey you!
Let us through!
It's a bright new star!
Oh Come!
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way!
Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this guy!

Great Khali! Fabulous he!
Khali Ababwa
Genuflect, show some respect
Down on one knee!
Now, try your best to stay calm
Brush up your sunday salaam
The come and meet his spectacular coterie

Great Khali!
Mighty is he!
Khali Ababwa
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!
He faced the galloping hordes
A hundred bad guys with swords
Who sent those goons to their lords?
Why, Great Khali!

He's got seventy-five golden camels
Purple peacocks
He's got fifty-three
When it comes to exotic-type mammals
Has he got a zoo?
I'm telling you, it's a world-class menagerie

Great Khali! Handsome is he, Khali Ababwa
What physique! How can I speak
Weak at the knee
Well, get on out in that square
Adjust your veil and prepare
To gawk and grovel and stare at Great Khali!

There's no question this Khali's alluring
Never ordinary, never boring
Everything about the man just plain impresses
He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!
He's about to pull my heart asunder!
And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys
(He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys)
And to view them he charges no fee
(He's generous, so generous)
He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies
(Proud to work for him)
They bow to his whim love serving him
They're just lousy with loyalty to Khali! Great Khali!

Great Khali!
Amorous he! Khali Ababwa
Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see
And that, good people, is why he got dolled up and dropped by
With sixty elephants, llamas galore
With his bears and lions
A brass band and more
With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers
His birds that warble on key
Make way for Great Khali!

RAAHR! *tomahawk chops Jafar*
Supporting the Carolina Panthers and Dallas Cowboys for the upcoming NFL season!
Currently playing: Valkyrie Profile 2, Mega Man ZX, Exit

October 10, 2006[]


Topic title:

The Terry Bogard and Co Contest Analysis

Post text:

Werecoming! Dis tim, Teri is hare to satay! Until I getting drunk and WOOF person in da face. TILL DEN! Satay!

I am Teri Bogert, da ronely woof! I bring wid me some person I meeting in da bar rast night who agrave wid me abit da stating of da ekonami-cs too day!

DAN! DAN! DAN IS THE MAN! I’m Dan Hibiki, author of books like “Saikyo is better then whatever you’re doing” and “I’m awesome and stuff.” I’ll be providing lessons for 5000 yen in the true successor to Shotokan- Saikyo style, baby! Members already include such powerhouses as Gordon Freeman, Tanner and that android who makes less sense then Terry. Oh, and… some analysing. I guess. I think that’s what we’re doing. Is that what we’re doing? I was being too cool to pay attention. Because I’m awesome!

How shald I kno?!

Do you know that if you kind of stare at the ceiling for a few minutes the pattern kind of moves around, like it’s dancing? It’s really pretty!

…We’re outside. That’s the sky.

Oh yeah? Well then, smart alec, WHY IS IT RED?!

But it’s not. I should know, I’m awesome.



I’m like… Chipp Zanuff. I’m going to be like, the president soon, so you should all… listen to me, or I’m going to sick robots on you or something. I used to be on drugs, but now I’m like, a ninja! So you should stop taking drugs or you won’t be ninjas. I even know Japanese! HOLA!

That’s not- never mind. Hello! My name is Mai! I’m the only voice of reason here. Unlike the boys here, I’m totally and completely logic-

HAI MAI! Da bruder Andy is in da praking lot!


Some guy I know keep shouting about parking lots. And finding burritos. He scares me. And he’s not even Japanese, like all the cool guys.

Let’s just get this started.

I will be rating people based on how close they are to me in greatness. Of course, most of them are light years away, but I find very, very small pleasure in informing their pathetic egos of this! So we’ve got somebody in a robot suit. A ROBOT SUIT? Are they too weak to fight with their bare fists, like real men? Well, okay, Samus is female. But the points still stands- ON AWESOME.

Then you’ve got Ada, who flips around almost as fast as me, is almost as smart as I am and fires guns almost as well! Well, I’ve never fired guns before. But not only am I the best at everything I do, I’m the best at things that DON’T EVEN EXIST. You know how that’s possible? Neither do I! AWESOME.

The Man’s prediction: Ada with 98%


That one on the left looks like… a robot or something. I mean… a robot. I’ve seen loads of animes (Because they’re Japanese) with robots, and they’re awesome. Especially with the Japanese. And they really start making sense watching them high. Not that I, like, take drugs. I’m not a junkie. Anymore. Much.

But the other one… she’s asian. I mean, asian girls are better then other girls due to being closer to japan. I mean, well, japan kinda got blown up and stuff by a rampaging bioweapon in a robotic suit- no seriously, that’s what happened, I was going cold turkey when I, like heard it from a guy who knew this other guy. So I suppose I’m stuck with… uh… Is she Polish? Polishland’s near Japan, right?

I tink it’s da captialisation of canaduck.

Whatever, man. Like…


But if some robot destroyed japan, robots must be pretty cool right? Because japan is like… JAPAN. Ninjas come from there. Like me.

I’m Japanese at like… heart.

That robot chick with… I dunno. A number or something?

You. Are all. IDIOTS.

First of all, I did not just go running around the carpark screaming ‘Andy’. That didn’t happen. I’m definitely my own woman. Yes.

Secondly… Ada? Do you see the way she dresses? I wouldn’t be seen dead in something like that. I’m not one to use insults lightly but can you say ‘Slut’?


Never mind.

Wait, you’re insulting HER clothes. But you’re wearing… I mean look at you… That’s not very… I can see most of your…

I can like… kaleidoscopes dancing on the back of my hand. Weeeeeeeeee.

It’s different for me! It’s only to attract ANNNNNNDDDDDY’S attention! I don’t wear it for attention! Except for AAAAANNNNNDDDDY’S.

Her’s in da praking ro-

I’m not falling for that again! You’ve already done it 3 times today!

Anyway. Moving on to Samus. She clearly strikes a blow for women’s lib! She defies gender roles by blasting pirates with laser cannons! Well, okay maybe that isn’t a gender role, but STILL. For feminism!

Shrut up, Sanwench, go in da Lord Kitchener an git me da womanner!

You are so lucky I have no idea what you just said.

Samus with 80%. Book it, as they say!

Rit. Louvre’d hard da best, now hearing of da REST!

SMAUS? SMAUS has da icing cannonball! I had icing on da cake once. It tasting rike… susan.

I think you mean sugar.

Naw, naw, it wassing derfinite limit susan.

But Ada… Ada. Ada can bust ma woof any- wat. Witch one did I areading ruse. Powa wave? Naw. Rise me taco? Naw. Aw, furgot at! Ada can haf da hawt sexing wit da me!

Canning not rarely see da SMAUS! And Sanwenchs are for da ruking at! Or die to Geese so I canner scram GEEEEESE.


Ada one wit da 20 hit combinationing transformer moving parryot countery SUPA CANLEC! Canelc. Can-kel.


"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun."

Note: Sephsblade made similar analyses to the matches of the whole Character Battle V. It was truly one of the best projects to have ever graced the board.

October 12, 2006[]

Mega Mana

Topic title:

Do you know where I can find an essay generator?

Post #1:

Can anyone give me a link to one?

Mana's response:

A link to Ulti's profile.

Note: Since the link would simply bring you to a dead page now, I guess I have no choice but to put that there. Still, it was funny, as one didn't know whose profile the link was to before checking.

October 14, 2006[]


Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar", every "supreme leader", every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

Note: At first, I thought somdude04 was really deep and awesome, then, it was confirmed that this was indeed a Carl Sagan quote. Still, somedude04 deserved his VAPE with this awesome quote.

October 17, 2006[]


Topic title:

Why is Murder Not Legal?

Post text:

Just because it says murder is wrong in the bibal doesn't mean it should be illegal. there is religion=/= state law so that they can't use the bible for proof.

if you murdered bad people you wouldn't need prisons and use taxes to support the poor. and feed homeless people.

Please write your president to legalize murder.
"I have the ultimate inferiority complex and even I think me > SDR" - Sex Canoe

Note: This topic is a parody of the multitude of dumbass "Why is gay marriage not legal?" topics that had been flooding the board around that period, sparking pointless arguments and annoying a ton of people with the lack of common sense shown by both sides.

October 18, 2006[]

RockMFR 5

Note: What's so awesome about this post is that CJay locked the topic right after. Naturally, the post was quickly deleted. However, check out the reaction time. 4 seconds and he typed all that, too. Impressive. In essence, RockMFR 5 owned CJayC with this post.

Screenshot courtesy of Inviso.

October 19, 2006[]


Topic title:

~*~Who would you rather sleep with?~*~ KOS-MOS or Aeris

Inviso's response:

KOS-MOS, although I'm surprised more guys aren't picking Aeris. After all, most girls only have three holes for sex. Aeris has 4.
"You're like me if I was being directed by George Lucas."-Ellen
"Welcome to Hawaii, how did you get here in a car?"-Ryan Stiles

October 21, 2006[]

The Hardcore Kid

Mate, NOBODY on this site that day won!

*hits drums*

*is on stage doing standup... again* "I cannot find the words to express my feelings towards the majority of Board 8, unfortunately the words are can find would get me axed"

"What's the different between Board 8 and a Daycare center full of infants teething? Eventually the latter stop *****ing!"

*to Audience directly* "Yeah, Ulti's okay at times, but don't some of you lot get chapped lips and sore knees after a while?!"

"America has a lot of places called "New", last time I checked they were at least a couple hundred years old".

"Ah, America. Where It's fine to blow somebody's head off at the drop of a had but not to flash a TEENY bit of boob at the superbowl!"

"England's not that much better, Half of us here can just about speak the lingo right!"

"Arses are like opinions, everybody loves the smell of their own"

"Sure they play games, but can they FLOAT?" *flushes both PSP and DS down toilet*

"I wouldn't say Tony Blair is incompetent, but I've seen better oganised episodes of Joey"

"An Englishman, A Scotmas and Irishman walk into a bar in a parallel universe, The landlord said: "I've never heard that one before!".

"What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a Vaccum cleaner? One will eventually stop sucking"

"I wouldn't say Sky Captain and The World of Tommorow was boring, but I found Snooker tournaments a bit more watchable"

"In Eastern Europe, They're are all business when it comes to sex." Their idea of is foreplay *Eastern European accent* "Lie with me or I crush you!"

"I've got no problem with the Irish. Just Smurf"

"On some boards on this site, If you tried to call hell; You'd be charged at local rates!"

"This would be Michael Jackson while doing Karate;

*jacks voice up several octaves* "Heeheee! Chamone! Hiyaaaa! Don't tangle with the King of Pop! Who's bad? Leave Me Alone! AAAAAAAAH!"

"It's raining, It's pouring, No, R.Kelly's in town again!"

"I secretly think Penelope (the cat) really does like Pepe in those old Looney Toons cartoons. It's just the smell she can't stand. Also given the number of "le puff" and le pant"s in every cartoon , I don't think she's out of breath from RUNNING"

"Germaine Greer and Stevie Wonder would make a fine couple. Stevie doesn't even need to turn the lights out to spare him the horror!"

"What did Mr T. say at the Court Jester's funeral while paying his last respects ? *Mr T voice* "I pity da foo'!"

"I'm surprised Bob Marley wasn't arrested when he recorded "I shot the Sherrif" Now If that ISN'T a confession....

"There's a weird Al single out right now that sums up a high percentage of this site. I'll leave that one up to you to figure out."

"When I was in a bar on holiday in Barbados this year, I had some Coleslaw that was LOADED with Sugar. Seriously, It would have been healthier I'd had about 5 Hershey bars and a bag of sherbert as a side dish!"

"Bible says love thy family, don't say ****-all about liking them!"

Goodnight, Everybody!

*walks away to Horribly butchered version of old New York changed JUST enough so he doesn't owe anything"
You Cannot Kill what is Hardcore...

October 30, 2006[]


Topic title:

Some Board 8 Poem or Song or something I just made up about 2k2.

Post text:

During 2002
This board wasn't here
Only other social boards
That were quite crazy and scared
Nobody knew what to do
About everything going on
Want an intelligent discussion?

Tons of arguing would go on
That would look like this

Then CjayC
Decided one day
To make a contest
To find the one true way
To settle the debate
About who was most famous
Popular and Beloved
Oh, he was ingenious!

The Bracket was made
with the people yelling about
But what about Cloud?
Sephiroth and Mario?
Samus and Sonic?
Mega Man and Crono?

But then one fateful day
July 1st, 2002
The battles began
And out came the n00bs
From locations unknown
They were sent out to us
To do what they do best
Make a huge ****ing fuss

And that day became
The first we would see
Of all the whining and crying
About Game Characters pop-u-lar-i-ty

The match ended predictably,
With Mario the victor
But Servbot put up a good fight...
Is Mario really a stinker?
And the next day Began
With more in-san-i-ty

And Morrigan beat Spyro,
In an upset pick,
Because back then we were dumb
We hoped it would end Quick
Then Aya beat Terry
With more Factors and Jugs
The n00bs came whining
And ertyu thought it wasn't dum

Then some more matches came,
Alucard beat Tails,
Duke Nukem was respectable,
Pikachu almost had to bail
Then more boring stuff,
but then one fateful day...
It was Gordon vs. Tina
The Board was going to pay.


Gordon Freeman never wins!
He struck out at bat.
I's Tina Armstrong.
Who the **** is that?
Lot's more boring crap.
Do do do do.
Skip forward awhile...
But before Round Two.

Mega Man Versus Ms. Pac-Man
From Pac-Man fame!
But wait, she's getting her ass kicked.
Oh, the shame.
That's quite a margin!
Mega Man walked to Round Two.
And he didn't barge in.

NOW Go to Round Two.
Aya vs. DK
Sure, DK won...
But it's only because of TEH KIDDAYZ!
Against Aya?
ertyu must have been happy.
Eating some Papaya.

Then Alucard beat The Duke
Because Duke Nukem took Forever
That game still isn't out...
Blame the Developers?
Cloud pwn'd Pika,
Like a dirty bum.
Crono pwn'd Dante,
ertyu is dum.

More fast forwarding
To more pwnageness
Mega Man vs. Sam...
He got Seriously dissed!
More Mega Man blowouts
This time 92-8
But in the second round?
Crikey, mate!

Then in the third round,
We saw Mario and DK, Oh, Such Laughter!
Which brought us a new term:
Same Fanbase Factor.
More boring crap
La da de do...
Oh, wait, what's up ahead?
Captain, O' Captain...we're Screwed.

That's right folks, it's time for the big one
Sonic vs. Samus, the match of the big two
The closest so far, I'd say.
Only a vote difference of 34, Woohoo!
Sonic started off to an early lead,
And kept it for a long time.
It took until 10 at night,
before Samus got on the dime.

And she came back, in a flash!
And with two minutes to go...
Samus broke even!
Oh no...OH NO!
People were refreshing like crazy
No way to tell
Who would be the victor
In this Contest Hell

And it ticked down,
Five Four Three, Two, One!
And with the last refresh,
Samus had won!
By far and large,
This was completely unseen.
The boards went in an uproar
And Ceej was getting mean

Of course, I had Samus winning...
But there was still no cheating, okay y'all?


But the Board could not be contained
By one measly post
Even if it was by Ceejus,
Who none could out-boast.
So another was made,
By Ceej again
And this time, he was angry
He needed a Pen.

So he could hire a Lawyer,
to protect him from the cries
Of suing and killing
And he couldn't close his eyes
The board was corrupt,
Too angry and binning
Too notice the fact...
Mega Man...was winning?!

Against Sephiroth, no less?!
The favorite to win the whole thing!?
This was impossible!
Fat Lady, don't Sing!
But it was already half over,
And Mega Man was ahead
by 700 whole votes!
Sephiroth seemed Dead.

But then the Halftime show was over,
And Sephiroth was ready
To kick this Blue Boy's ass
And get some black and white confetti
And in only 12 hours,
He slashed it away!
Took the whole match by storm,
And was the victor, no longer at bay!

And now it's time for the Northern Final...
And this was all the hype!
Mario vs. Cloud...
Someone play the Pipe!
The match was on!
And what do we see...
But a major Disappointment...
Cloud was winning with glee

Already it was over.
Cloud winning by 1k.
But PlanetGameCube took notice!
And they were gonna make Cloud Pay!
"I know what to do!
Lets put a link on our site!
And Mario will get millions of votes!
It won't even be a fight!"

And That's what they did
And boy, did it work...
Mario started coming back,
And Mario was enjoying the Perks.
Because the site was getting more hits then normal,
Because of something brand new!
That's right, its Super Mario Sunshine
Released the same day as the match, who knew?

And Mario came back in a frenzy
And took it by storm,
Came back to win by 277 votes!
Cloud should go back to his Dorm.
And then after Three Days of fun,
It was time to lay down,
Even though Crono had beaten Snake,
...Wait, get out of your night gown!

Crono had beat Snake?
That nobody from before?
Beating the Favorite to win the whole thing?
Oh...that dirty whore!
Some more stuff happened,
Link kicked Scorpion's ass.
But what was to be expected?
He already might as well put on his victory sash.

And now it's time,
For the Final Four.
Mario vs. Crono...
Quick, close the Door!
Before the n00bs got in, I meant.
Because Crono had just taken the lead!
Well, I suppose it's well deserved.
Cloud had lost the deed.

But no, this cannot happen!
Because Ceej had someone else!
He had Mario over Crono!
So he had might as well...
Take 400 votes from Crono!
Couldn't hurt too much!
I suppose I'll tell them it was actually 3,000 votes...
Oops, here's my...very, very late lunch!

So Crono could not make up,
the 400 votes he had lost.
And then went and got a razor
And on his wrist, cut a cross.
The other Final Four match,
was not too bad.
Link beat Sephiroth rather easily...
Nobody got rather mad.

Then the finals,
was a truly unseen event.
Link vs. Mario
lol SFF
Link won, easily.
Would've been more fun,
If Mario weren't in it...
And Cloud had won...

More things happened here,
Then you may ever see again.
Outside Interference...
Running out of my rear end.
But that isn't important now,
Because the contest is now over.
Gone are the days, where you merely picked your favorites.
Hoped that they would win, and for a four leaved clover.

The X-Stats are here now,
And they make it too easy,
To predict a contest and win it,
Even though it is quite cheesy
Because nobody gets a perfect,
in a 64 character bracket.
But you can still get close,
If you just make the best of it.

Woo. I would be amazed if someone read the whole thing.

That took me about two hours, give or take. So yeah.

Xenosaga is the best series ever created, and Wilhelm is the most awesome villain in history.
[For the rest of my life. I love you Dante. This sig is the truth! Listen to it!]

November 7, 2006[]


Topic title:

i voted YES for the sex offenders to wear ankle bracelets

Post #1:

Coffee Ninja

i think we have a right to know who they are

Current Contest Score: 77
X-Box Live Gamertag - xKayenCynicx

Post #2:

perfect chaos007:

Just put yourself in their shoes......How would you feel?
"That's right folks. I quoted myself."
-perfect chaos007

Post #4:


Just put yourself in their shoes......How would you feel?

You'd feel irritated that people constantly fill your threads with arguments about SM64 and Halo I'd imagine.
"You? With a woman? You can't even catch a ball!"
-- The fatherly advice I never received

Note: SmartMuffin's post is a joke pointed at SDragonRocker5, whose pedo topics annoyed people a lot and, by Metool's suggestion, they turned his topics into Super Mario 64 vs. Halo deathmatches.

November 13, 2006[]


Mad Board 2k6

All around me are familiar users
Worn out losers, worn out users...
Bright and early for the daily poll start
Sit and refresh, sit and refresh...
Their whining filling up the front page
Making no sense, making no sense...
Gordon Freeman went and won his first match
No universe, no universe...

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The Noble Nine is crumbling,
and it isn't just a fad.
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to type,
When trolls argue in circles
It's a very very, mad board, mad board...

Children waiting for the after-school vote
Damn you kiddies, damn you kiddies...
Snake fought hard only to lose to Samus
NintendoFAQs, NintendoFAQs...
Tifa placing second in the x-stats
Out of nowhere, out of nowhere...
Nearly all contest traditions broken
Board 8 weeping, Board 8 weeping...

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The Noble Nine is crumbling,
and it isn't just a fad.
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to type,
When trolls argue in circles
It's a very very, mad board, mad board...
Enlarging your board, mad board...

November 14, 2006[]


Topic title:

My life is ruined thanks to Pokemon ;_;

Post text:

Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just play Pokemon while I wait".

So I'm playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.

A regular level 4 Magikarp. Holy ****. I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy ****, YES I LOVE MAGIKARP!", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to sing Linkin Park lyrics. I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my 843rd Magikarp, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and all of my Magikarps, gone forever.

I shot her in the face with a shotgun and put a Magikarp mask over her mutilated head. This was intensely arousing (as is anything involving Magikarp) so I made love to her corpse for several hours. When the cops came and took me away, I said "Wait! I forgot to take pics to post on the internets!" They replied "This guy are sick." Luckily, I only went to jail for 2 days and when I was there, my cellmate smuggled a new DS and a new copy of Pokemon for me and they put Magikarp wallpaper up in my cell. The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street
"Chaotic Worlds" Another Board 8 RPG
I'm making it and it will rock your mother****ing socks!!

Note: This topic was a play off a joke that had run on another forum before (I think it was LUE Links). FigureOfSpeech's version was, of course, funnier than the original.

November 17, 2006[]


Topic title:

Terry Bogard's Final Contest Analysis

Post text:


I am returning like the boomerang that is attached to a magnet!

The final is the time of contest! The finalists yield to chaos of the choosing of the memories of voters past and present in a giant cake of despair. A cake of victory!

The elf of swords is the cherry on the top of the championship pudding! Finkrat. I am Fawful! In a contest of memory a firefly of power and victory will lay supine before the toady might of an ox with a club that is made of rock.


Real Analysis:

He was the hero of time, the hero of winds, heroes innumerable since the dawn of creation. A war that spanned epochs, he standing alone against the forces of evil- again and again ruling triumphant due to his own power.

The gods praise him; devils fear him. His rivalry with the Prince of Thieves the stuff of legends as they clash over drowning sees and collapsing ruins. He is…

Dan “The Man”’s *****! And if he’s that good, imagine how great I am!

You don’t know who he is. You’re reading this off a back of a manual.

Well, clearly he’s not as good as me. He has no sense of style. I mean, seriously. Look at his clothes. Fruity, right?

You’re wearing a pink Gi.

Because I’m a MANLY MAN!

I think you mean you’re CRUISING for manly m-

Oh, shut up.

And his opponent is a cross dresser. Seriously, the sexual tension is almost palpable.

…Since when have you used words like ‘palpable’?

I was reading reviews of Brokeback Mountain.


Oh, suddenly I need a reason to do stuff?!

The elf in tights with 678% of the vote.

Suddenly, we have what appears to a silly boy waving a sword around and… let me start again. We have a effemin- damn it. We have the one with the big sword and the one with the thin sword. There we go.

Compensation aside, we have two ‘men’ who look like girls. And not in a good way, like Andy.

Avian yu admission it! He has da girly jeans!

He’s your brother. If he has ‘girly’ chromosomes, so do you.

Curssu yu generics! Curssu yu to HELLO!

…Why am I expecting you to make sense?

Of course, their sexuality isn’t really that important, unless you’re Dan trying to cover up his insecurities. What is important is that they’re carrying overcompensating large swords and are total idiots.

I vote for Andy. That’s right, Andy.

Hey, my non-fellow non-ninjas. As we can clearly see, Link’s gotta win today.

Huh. Maybe IN AMERICA! Let me tell you something; everything America’s done, Japan has done better. Speed? America has drugs, Japan has ninjas. Wars? We have samurai, you have friendly fire. Capitalism? You have Oil, we have ROBOTS. Japan has da DESTRUCTION, Amerca had da booze!

Shut up, or I’ll make Dan cry again.

And now we have some pansy elfboy- clearly American propaganda, of the so-called Avian race.

I think you mean Aryan, and that was Germany.

I fail to see the difference. They’re both not Japan.

…Oh, forget it.

At any rate, Japan- even when dead- will rise again! And neither Freddy Mercury nor Johnny Cash will stand in the way of A REALLY LARGE SWORD! Look at Kliff.

Cliff’s old and probably dead.




Gainsborough take her away, now the childblain will stay!

Until rink! Sabres maize!

Rink! Picture some hate! So Ryu can be shot wid POWEA CHARGE! And wen yu are feeling my down, some absinthe fairy will com round, so ru’ll be DRUNK! An not a sassy LIBERAL!

Now rink, has saved May! Put da Geeson, in da batcave!

So now da Kelda is fur, and now hour hero shrill be

TERI, I tink yur name wil go don BURNING!

I ruv alcohole. I ruv yu like SEX.

We would like to an issue an apology to anyone offended by Dan and Mai's stereotyping. We understand that questioning Cloud's sexuality just due to looking slightly effeminate is uncalled for, but frankly they are both idiots and therefore we can just ignore everything they say. I also apologise to the entire human race for insulting it by comparing Cloud and Link to pretty much anyone. So now, Yaoi fanfiction.

Ky: YAW SINS ARE BAYOND DA GRACE OF GAWD! Sol:Gawd? I want nothing with him! Ky: That didn’t even make sense. Sol: Hurm! Neither did you! Seriously, dude. Forrest Fire? Ky: “Gurlfriend”? Sol: At least I have one. Unlike you, French guy. Ky: JAM COUNTS! SORT OF! And you’re the guy who’s based on Freddy Mercury. Sol: …You insult Queen?! Ky: You realise he was actually... you know, right? Sol: …Well… Yeah. Of course but… WHATEVER! IT IS OWN NOW *****! Ky: Yeah! I’ll… I’ll… Sol: … Ky: No, I can’t deny it any longer ! OH SOL! Sol: OH KY! Venom: OH HELL YES! Sol: WTF Venom: I mean… crap. Jam: Awwww, and it was just getting good! Sol: You think with BRIDGET people would leave us the hell alone. Venom: They don't write nearly enough about me. Ky: That's only because you're in love with a corpse. Venom: LOVE TRANSCENDS DEATH!
"Jam is so adorable, what with attacking people based on her vague recollection of what an arsonist looks like"- Some Canadian who hates Belarus

Note: Sephsblade made similar analyses to the matches of the whole Character Battle V. It was truly one of the best projects to have ever graced the board.

November 19, 2006[]


Topic title:

It's over, Link! Jay has the high ground!

Post text:

That's right. If you hate the Gamespot score, you hate Zolomy. That means you hate freedom, and puppies, while loving terrorists and PS3 commercials.

Do you want to known as the puppy-hating crying-baby loving Nintendrone?
Check Out White Boyz or Board 8: The Sprite Comic:

Note: TheRock1525's High ground project ran throughout the Character Battle V and was another one of few the great projects on the board in that period. It'll supposedly return for the next contest.

November 23, 2006[]

Lloyd1337 (Final Fantasy XII board)

Topic title:

I was travelling through the Estersands when Fran...

Post text:

In the spirit of taking things too far...

Lemme try once more.

*ahem* I put on my robe and wizard hat, and...

I was happily travelling through the Estersands when my trousers suddenly grew extremely tight. I looked down, and immediately saw an enormous longsword extending out in front of me. I wrapped my hand around it's thick handle, and gave it a tug. Suddenly I realized that I would need to relieve myself of this extremely heavy load. I looked around, and noticed Fran keenly following me, watching my actions. She seemed to enjoy the sight of me gripping my broadsword, but she could tell that I was having a hard time containing it.

She came closer, and asked if she could ride on my chocobo. I was, of course, happy to oblige. She began to mount the chocobo, and I insterted my broadsword into her sheath. It was a rather tight fit, but I was able to force it in. Fran squealed in joy and excitement; amazed that I was able to fit such a large weapon into such a tight space.

She spent the rest of the afternoon riding my chocobo. She was an incredibly skilled chocobo rider, relentless in her perfect rhythm as the bird bounced up and down, moving faster and faster as it went. Eventually we came across a narrow cavern. Fran decided that she would like to try something new. I had always known that she was adventurous, and found it to been one of her more attractive features. She bent over, knowing that I was keen to explore the tight caverns that no man had entered before. Spelunking had always been one of my best skills. Fran seemed a bit nervous. This was all very new to her. I assured her that I would make it into the cavern just fine, and that there was nothing to be afraid of. I knew that she would take a lot of pleasure in what we were about to do.

As I penetrated the cavern opening, a thick, creamy myst burst out of places unknown. All of a sudden, Fran began to have a reaction. She fell to her knees, and her animal instincts took over. She began to moan as the pain filled her body, but I didn't stop. I knew she was enjoying this, so I progressed deeper into the cave.

Suddenly, a large snake appeared out of nowhere, and swelled rapidly. I cast Haste on myself, and my actions sped up. This fueled Fran's will to fight, and she became more determined in her efforts to impress me. She was acting purely on feral instinct, moving in perfect syncronization with my sword lunges as she attacked the vicious snake. We were acting in unison, which made the battle much more intense. I could tell that the snake was preparing to inject her with a massive amount of it's venom, and I tried to hold it back for as long as possible. Unfortunately, I was unable to contain it, and the snake shot it's liquid at Fran, covering her body and penetrating her skin.

I could tell that Fran's body grew numb, but she still had some fight left in her. I stood before her, and she dropped to her knees. I knew that I would not be able to live without her. I reached into my pouch, and whipped out a large object. She quickly took it in her mouth, and began to suck on it, desperately trying to get the potion within to flow into her mouth. I reached down and helped her free the potion from the bottle with my hand. She gulped down the liquid, and was quick to lick up any that had spilled. She then lay down and closed her eyes. The day had exhausted us both, but we had made it out alive, and the bond between us had only grown stronger from the whole experience.


Too lazy to proofread. Hopefully there aren't too many errors.

Also... umm... how do u kill the floating boss in the castle? I only have Reks in my partee, and he izz not strng enuff to kill it ono! Vossler and Basch are dead, and Reks can't kill it on his own. I can't beat it. Help. Plz.
(That paragraph makes this post on topic.)

Note: With this brilliant post, Lloyd1337 became the first Gamespot user to have won a VAPE.

November 24, 2006[]


Topic title:

Whoever says Girls appreciate honesty is a liar.

Post text:

I'm fed up with the long tedious grinding process that is flirting. So upon learning that girls appreciate honesty, I chose to speak what's in my heart to girls in the future. And when better to start than right away? So I spied a cute girl looking at mittens at the mall.

Conversation which actually took place.

Me: Hi. Let's have sex.
Girl: *looks up from mittens*
Girl: *Thinks I'm talking to somebody else and looks back down*
Me: *stares*
Girl: *looks up awkwardly*
Me: .......
Girl: *Walks away nervously*

--Moments later her father appears from behind a nearby shelf--

Me: Well, girls appreciate honesty so I was...
Dad: *spits in my face*


December 31, 2006[]


Topic title:

My review I just submitted on the New Super Tardio Bros.

Post text:

Wow. This game is worse than the original. Wait. The original was the greatest thing since sliced bread. It saved gaming in the US. This...THING doesn't even deserve to have the wondrous grace of the Mario name. This is like freaking Superman 64 bad here. It's like a flesh wound to the DS, except people think it's good and buy it by the millions, but I see past Nintendo's pathetic scams. It's so strange, I used to love Nintendo. They always put out fun games to play, affordable products, and innovation. Then I turned twelve. Fast forward two more years, and I still like Nintendo, they've just been disappointing me more and more as time goes on.

Story -36/10 Well, lets start off with the first thing that comes to my mind, the story. From the last time I read the review rules, it said no spoiling anything past the first five minutes. Nintendo managed to cram the whole story in the first five minutes. Not even. More like 30 seconds of crapulence. You see Mario, with that lame walk that he's been cursed with from that last accursed piece of crap, Super Mario Sunshine, where he has his arms outstretched, swinging them around like a five year old thinking he's an airplane, and leaning forward so the princess can see his luscious, fat plumber buttcrack of his. The princess follows him. Then some crap explodes, I don't know, but it's lame, and the couple use their extensive Nintendo funded voice acting of "GASP!" here. Seriously, it's 2 freakin'-006 Nintendo. Has it ever crossed your mind to give the lead role of the game at least one word to say besides, "ITTSA MARRIO ROFLCOPTER", or the famous Legend of Zelda voice acting, "Uggh." "Guh." "CHEAAAHD!!" Decent voice acting adds to the experience. Wow, let's get back on track. So Mario, leaving the princess unattended, decides to go over and see what the commotion is about, when, to his and our surprising dismay, one of Bowser's sissy little sons does an elephant walk behind Princess Peach and kidnaps her. Seriously, Mario has been through this enough times that he should know better to TAKE THE PRINCESS IF HE'S GOING TO CHECK SOMETHING OUT. But what can you expect from a plumber with a ninth grade education and a 0.3 GPA? Nice role model, Nintendo. The story just repeats what other Mario games have told time after time after time. It was kinda interesting the first forty-seven times, but it isn't interesting now.

Graphics: 10/10

Yes. I hate this game. Absolutely loathe it. But the one good thing it has going is the graphics. They're pretty. Mario looks about as good as he did on the GameCube, which is quite excellent for the system. Pretty much everything about this game's graphics is nice. I love these graphics. They need to use them, however, on a game that doesn't suck.

Sound: 3/10

Okay, seriously, whose idea was it to just take all of the music from Super Mario Bros., tune it up a tiny bit and barf it back into this game? I would fire that guy immediately, take him out back to an alleyway, and shoot him. Several times. In the leg. I would then proceed to throw him to the street and hope he gets run over by a car. Also, whose great idea was it to just regurgitate the same voice acting from that crapfest Super Mario 64 (clunky controls + tight platforms + lame graphics= 1/10)? Repeat the same process (I then proceeded to check the instruction manual for the credits, but I found none. I also checked the game for accessable credits at any time, and still found none. COINCIDENCE? I think not). The sound's only saving grace is the sound effects, while, even though they are fairly old, tuning up those sound effects would be a lot harder than tuning up the music and changing up the voice acting.

Gameplay: 0.3/10

This game uses the same formula as the game it's based off of, the good Super Mario Bros., but instead of leaving it completely the same, they added lame, uncool features that sometimes aren't a help to the game, but they actually made it harder. So let's start with the main meat of this, the sidescrolling part. Basically what Nintendo did was take the aged controls of Super Mario Bros. (which were acceptable at the time) and put them in this steaming pile of Sith. You see, the game was good back then, but the problem with the game here is mainly the controls. Mario jumps at ninteen times his height, except when and where he lands is nearly out of control. If he lands right next to the edge, he'll still die because either: 1. He'll bump into one of those dumbass Goombas. 2. The traction will send him sliding into the pit. 3. Because this game is rigged. Next, let's talk about powerups. Now the only ones I experienced were MEGA GIANT UBER MARIO, Shell Mario, kinda big Mario, and Flames Mario. There's probably more, but I avoided further power "ups" because they just dragged me down and were just plain stupid. MEGA GIANT MARIO is possibly the coolest power up in this game, hence the reason that the score of this game is .3 over 0. Everyone's seen this. He turns UBER MASSIVE and starts to leave a warpath of Goombas, bricks, and those God damned Koopa Troopas. I have a warm, tingly feeling when that happens. Then we get to the less fun power ups. We have kinda big Mario. This is a classic in the Mario sidescroller games, eat a mushroom, grow three feet. Except have a measly little Goomba touch him, and it's back to thumb Mario. Next we have Shell Mario, which is the most useless piece of crap I've used in my life. Think of this: You're running. You turn into one of those Koopa shells, turning everything into fried Goomba soup and Koopa Troopa medley. Then you reach a gap. You jump, and you should be able to make it across. Instead, you just bounce around the pit for a second, then you die. That was my fifteen second experience with the shell, and I'm sure that if you've already played the game and have used the shell, you've had quite a similar one. Finally, there's the flame Mario, or the one that shoots fireballs out of his hands. This is one of my biggest gripes with this game. WHAT IS THE POINT OF FIREBALLS IF THE SAME BUTTON USED TO SHOOT THEM IS USED TO RUN?! Seriously, you spend the whole freaking game running, and then when you get this stupid ass power up, you get to shoot like one fireball for the whole level, and then it's off to running running and more running. Nice use of those shoulder buttons, Nintendo. And then there's the special moves you can do at any time, in any stage, when I tried to tell a friend about it, I ended up smashing his printer in with a baseball bat, so I'm not even going to touch that.

Replayability: No/10

Use of Touch Screen: -12/10

Okay, Nintendo. You made this touch screen. You said it would revolutionize the way we play handheld games. Wait, what's that? IT'S USED TO DO SOME ITEM CRAP AND TO SHOW STATS?! WELL GEE SINTENDO, THAT'S REAL ORIGINAL. Ironic how the main feature of the system is hardly utilized here, except in those crappy minigames. "1. Sort the Bo-Bombs." "2. Shoot the spiked balls into the shells." "3. Rub a snowball onto a snowman for a head." Hmm. Real life alternatives: 1. Why not just sort mixed colored paper, or Pokemon cards? At least they won't blow up in my face. 2. It's also called basketball. 3. I live in freaking Alaska, so I'll just take a bunch of snow, put this game in the center, make a snowball, and throw it at a truck moving at 75 miles per hour. More entertaining. My closing for this is simply a message to Nintendo. Use your own features for God's sake.

Difficulty: WHAT THE HELL?!/10

The original Super Mario Bros. had a real challenge to it, right? It was fun, but fun came with a price: a man's dignity. Talk about a polar opposite. This hunk of whatever belongs in the bargain bins of easy street. Seriously, I've never played a more easy piece of crap than this piece of poorly coded plastic. To give an idea of this game's "difficulty", this one requires a bit of movement. Find a large structure. Take a baseball bat. Hit the structure with the baseball bat. Playing this game is just like that, just with less physical force exerted. Except hitting things with a baseball bat is pretty fun sometimes.

Buy or Rent? I'm going to have to bring in the third, less known option: burn. Keep this away from your relatives, your friends, your classmates, anyone that you like. If you don't like someone, get them this game.

So let's go over everything: Story: -36/10- FAIL Graphics: 10/10- PASS Sound: 3/10- FAIL Gameplay: 0.3/10- FAIL Replayability: No/10- FAIL Use of Touch Screen: -12/10- FAIL Difficulty: WHAT THE HELL/10- FAIL Buy or Rent?: Burn. Average score: -6.94 Closest Score on GameFAQs rankings: 1/10

I don't even want to do an outro for this. This review took a lot of straining and muscle spasms and cramps to write, because I was remembering the miserable moments of this game. But if you've learned anything here, it's that there are far superior games on this system, on another Psystem, on any system for that matter. Just don't get it.


January 4, 2007[]


The real problem with this board is that it's easily pissed off.

"No way! I can't believe you don't like the games our favorite company makes. Now my friends and I are going to label you a troll and do nothing but try to pwn you whenever you post something, while making us look smart in the proccess!"

Give me a break. The guy doesn't like Nintendo? That's not my problem. It won't make me like Nintendo less. He hasn't even played TP? Good for him - if he doesn't care about Zelda games, I doubt TP would change that. Let him keep his money for games he actualy enjoys. And if he still wants to talk about the game without having played it, that shouldn't affect you at all. After all, aren't you the same guys who were bashing a reviewer to death for giving the game an above average score, when you hadn't played the game yet? Saying a game didn't live up to the hype without playing is far more rational than saying it's the best game ever without having played it.

January 8, 2007[]


Topic title:

**** I am in more trouble than I have ever been in my entire life

Post text:

Okay... I don't know why I am posting here, it's just force of habit (yes, through good bad and through thick and thin, I have to post here every day), and the fact that there's really nothing I can do about anything right now since it's around midnight and all, well, a lot of people end up posting their personal stories here anyway, so here you go, my turn.

It's just, I have this terrible procrastination problem. I've had it ever since I was in elementary school, and I think it all started because I was so much smarter than the rest of my class that I could get away doing next to no work at all. That quickly changed, but old habits die hard, and I'm about as lazy as they come today... which doesn't really fly once you're a sophomore computer science major in college..

Yeah, so there was this ****ing term paper I had to do for one of my electives at the end of last semester, and I've been waiting and waiting and waiting on my grade, and I find out I've been failed for plagiarism, which is supposed to warrant an automatic F and expulsion from school.

I'm freaking out so much, I can't stand it.

The reason this is tied to procrastination is I did it all the night before it was due so I forged my sources and mostly got my info from wikipedia.. but the deal is, they asked for endnotes and footnotes, which I had no idea how to do, so I just completely left them out, but I DID put in a bibliography, I wish they could just dock points and not accuse me of plagiarism.

And it's a freaking ART HISTORY course, I didn't even have to take it, that's what gets me the most. I'm gonna be sick..

But yeah, as always, it gets worse... I emailed the prof expressing myself in what I thought was a very mature and gracious manner (I can post the text of the email later if you want but anyway just trust me..) and he ****ing BLEW UP at me, saying I'm going to get in trouble with the law and get sued and have to leave college for good because I've ****ed up so hard in his class. Apparently there's more to the 'plagiarism' story that he's not telling me, because I just find it so hard to believe he could be that serious about it just because of a lack of endnotes and footnotes...

So in a last-ditch effort to clear my name, what I ended up doing was actually scheduling a meeting with the T.A. for the course, who is a bit nicer of a person... so I'm walking down the street to her office, my heart's pumping like crazy I'm so scared for my future when a couple of guys that were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'Fresh' and had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought naw forget it, yo home to Bel-Air! I pulled up to the house around seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby yo home, smell ya later! Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
Would God appear in every Adam Sandler movie? - trizob the hedgehog, on why God is probably not Rob Schneider.

January 11, 2007[]


Ragnarok_Reborn's post:

So I'm in Chemistry, taking a test.

This douchebag is BLATANTLY copying my answers for the writing section, and he's done this to about 15 other people in various classes.

He also hates gamers.

So, I decide to screw with him.

I switch hands, and start writing with my left hand, which I can't do for ****.

So, I write out like two questions, which I couldn't even read, let alone him. I hear his pencil stop writing, and he starts making groaning sounds. Then, I notice him leaning in, until he's so close I can hear him breathing behind me. XD

The teacher doesn't seem to notice, so I go on, and continue writing normally for two more questions. Then, I do the same thing again.

This time, I REALLY botch up my handwriting, to the point where I literally made up some letters out of random lines. He leans in this time, and starts staring for like 40 seconds, trying to make out a sentence that doesn't even exist.


The teacher grabs his test off his desk, rips it in half, and throws it in the garbage.


ExThaNemesis' response:

While he was reading over your shoulder, you should have lept up, caught his head, and then RKO'd him.
~*~ExThaNemesis~*~ - Destroying Chainletters and Bears. One RKO at a time
"ExTha > God" - PhantomLink - - "ExTha is pretty much just badass like that" - CrimsonOcean

January 15, 2007[]


Topic title:

I rediscovered a Final Fantasy erotic story I wrote when I was 14.

Post text:

XFD. Hilarious. Here's just a segment from it.

Zack: Tifa... you were amazing! [gasps]

Cloud: THAT’S IT PUNK YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! [withdraws Buster sword]

Zack: Woah!! [tries to get up but is filled with too much pleasure]

Cloud: [displays wicked smile] Time to be neutered boy! [Slices Zack's **** in two]

Smurf. The Cream of Sonic Fanboyism.

January 24, 2007[]

FMFleader (WWE board)

Topic title:

Name a match and I'll tell you how JBL beats you in it

FMFleader's reply to the first few suggestions:

Viagra on a pole match
JBL doesn’t need Viagra ,therefore he already beat you
bra and panties match
JBL doesn’t have man boobs so therefore he already beat you
Me and all the SD, RAW and ECW roster vs JBL
One of the Heels on your team DQ’s you
If I was even in a match with JBL I would lay down for his awesomeness
Thus making JBL the victor
A "JBL is tied to the floor and I am 1000 pounds pinning him" match
OJ makes his return and rolls you out of the ring, you land on your back and can’t get up, JBL wins by count out
Shower match
You Beat JBL,so he wins
A match in MGO(Metal Gear Online).
JBL tells you that you’re a loser for playing online,while you cry JBL kills you
Japanese death match. NO ONE beats me in that match.
JBL kills you
A "JBL loses" match.
Your Tag Team Partner runs in and DQ’s you
A political debate, with me pretending to be liberal and Michael Moore as the judge/referee.

JBL gives that fat bastard a donut and is declared the winner, he then Clotheslines you from Hell
The Fox McCloud Federation Will Not Die
EmPlaya=The Fat chick that Cena slept with

February 1, 2007[]

FigureOfSpeech (in response to Vlado)

I am who I want to be.

I actually believe that a lot more from a "Vlado = joke account" perspective than a "Vlado = serious account" perspective. Of course, I would not make such a bold statement without the proper elaboration.

As a serious Vlado, you want the board to be a certain way, but your efforts only backfire. You would consider yourself a failure for this, but you never give up, despite knowing that your next attempt at changing things or opening peoples' eyes will backfire yet again. You want to be different from those who you disagree with, but that just doesn't happen. You're not different at all, just on the opposite side of the arguement. You're as different from your haters as a person is to his/her reflection in a mirror. You despise conformity but preach it to others (to conform to your beliefs). I don't have any idea whether you preach individuality and freedom of thought because you shoot down anyone who practices it (unless they coincide with you). You are a person who posts here only to be entertained, but there is too much you disapprove of. If television has nothing entertaining on, do you not turn it off? Of course, changing the channel is the first instinct. You haven't changed the programming on this board, nor will you ever, so you're left with 2 choices: turn it off (leave) or try to enjoy what is on (conform). Could you be happy with either choice? Absolutely not. Why? Because you'd be in defiance of who you want to be, and you'd be conforming either way. You aren't happy with the way board 8 is, and therefore, you want to be a person who is unhappy with the way board 8 is (because you are who you want to be). Therefore, you enjoy the disatisfaction. Someone who enjoys dissatisfaction is rarely happy with who they are...

Now, as a joke Vlado, you are exactly who you want to be. You are a bringer of disorder and chaos. You stir up a cauldron of strong opinions and dominant personalities to unleash all kinds of turmoil and mayhem. And yet, no one knows who you really are. You're good enough at pretending to be serious that no one can prove you aren't, but you give just enough to tease and tantalize, keeping "Vlado is a joke account!" rumors alive. Self-controdictions baffle and enrage the masses to the point where any topic you create becomes a mushroom cloud in no time at all. You are the most controversial and polarizing figure in recent board 8 history. You couldn't be happier. You can manipulate practically anyone. You have people that hate you more than anyone else on the board, and you have a healthy amount of die-hard fans. You love both groups. You need both groups. And so I ask the question that begs to be asked, are you just a brilliant user or are you a brilliant user's alt? We'll never know. You've been around a long time but other people have been around longer. If you're an alt, you could admit it and reveal your identity in the biggest board 8 meltdown ever... and we still wouldn't believe you. That's how deep-rooted you are... and you love it.

I thought up both of those little user profiles off the top of my head and I mean both with the most possible respect, so don't get me wrong. You can't deny that you are inconsistant. Both of these scenarios could be completely false, but they're both plausible, as are many others I could come up with. My only intention with this wall of text post is to put this all out there for you to think about and for everyone else to think about.

The VAPE topic[]

Here's the topic where you can see the rules, discuss the awards, suggests posts and topics that should win, or even just discuss football with Vlado:

Vlado's Awards for Posting Excellence